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The danger of dating on the rebound

When you are fresh off of a break up, it seems that you suddenly meet a boatload of people that you feel drawn to.  It’s probably the void your ex left that is pushing you to fill it with the first hottie that gets your attention.  It’s hard to see this when you are going through it though.  This is just one of the risks involved in dating on the rebound.

When you meet someone new, we always say not to mention or bring up the ex, especially on a first date.  The problem is that if the ex isn’t completely out of their system…or the picture, you don’t know if they are truly ready to starting something meaningful with you.

If you have just ended a relationship, do you tell the new person in your life how recent the break up was?  Does it matter if the last relationship only ended days or weeks ago?

Have you ever been the rebound guy/girl for someone and it worked out great?

439 comments Add your comment

Professor

June 7th, 2010
10:58 am

LOL at Dr. Seuss please don’t get me started. I love the Places you will go…

SexyCool - Live. Laugh. Love.

June 7th, 2010
11:00 am

As a former relationship addict, it never occurred to me that I was *on the rebound*. In my immaturity, I just went from one situation to another to another without realizing that my soul needed time to heal and cleanly break from one individual before I involved another individual in my brokenness.

Thankfully, I have come to realize that the physical breakup does not always translate into an emotional, psychological or even physiological separation. At the end of my last serious relationship, I dated, but not with the eye of falling in <strike?love into another relationship, but just to have a good time, meet good people, know good people and come to embrace the feeling of loving myself first and resting in the knowledge that I am happy for myself, because of myself and all by myself and to allow myself time to heal.

***

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:02 am

Purple you travel light. I hope you are carrying matching boots to go with the coveralls J/K :grin:

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:04 am

Whaddup Lady J!!!!!

Trevor,it was a pleasure meeting you as well.
It’s okay that you were quiet. you have to do what makes you comfortable and seeing us all loud, cheerful, chatting it up, can make one a bit nervous.

On behalf of everyone, we all enjoyed your company .

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:05 am

Question: For those of you that take a pause between relationships, do you have a set amount of time you take?

Purple Rain

June 7th, 2010
11:05 am

Professor, I wont even shower until it is time to come back. Nice and “rank” for a few days. :) LOL

Poppa Grande

June 7th, 2010
11:07 am

PRizzy

Kym is a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, and I was talking about Hines Ward. He was on TV last night talking about possibly hanging up the cleats after this season.

Randyt

I feel your pain. I am not the biggest Horseshoe fan. However, as a native of Atlanta, I have to hear my native New Orleans friends brag just when I had gotten over Tampa Bay’s (I have tons of family down there) gloating.

I think that I have said this before, but I am a bigger fan of the college game. The greed of the NFL is good and bad. It is almost like they tinker with who they want to win. I didn’t see as much bad in the Superbowl because the Colts were in the game until Peyton decided to do his best Brett Farve impersonation.

However, I don’t like the overtime rule change. Why just make it for the post-season? Some regular season games are just as important. Some teams are essentially playing playoff games in December just to make into the playoffs. Why not make it for the whole regular season? Why make ref have to get used to call that is only in the postseason? Why did this change come about only after Brett Farve forgot that Tracy Porter wasn’t on the Vikings? It just seems fishy to me.

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

June 7th, 2010
11:07 am

:)
:)

~Thanks to everyone for making our Happy Hour a success~

Purple Rain

June 7th, 2010
11:09 am

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:09 am

If I could chose, the best time to end a relationship is during the summer… that’s when there are events going on left and right and plenty of eye candy to look at so you don’t focus on the hurt.
Plenty to keep you busy.

Breaking up during the winter sucks.
Everyone is already coupled up, you have thanksgiving, christmas, New Years where there are a lot of “coupled up events”
and let us not forget about Valentines day around that time.
Ugh! the horror of a breakup during that time.

free to be (F2B)

June 7th, 2010
11:10 am

i can definitely relate to the topic. glad that i’m not in the frame of mind to do anything ridiculous. the truth is that there is no void b/c i’m still here and that’s plenty.:)

hey everybody!!!

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:10 am

@Lady J…here here I will drink to that :grin:
:grin:

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:13 am

Professor: when I broke up with my son’s father, I took a year off from wanting to be in a serious relationship.
I needed a break. I had been with him for 4-5 yrs.
I did however go on one date (if you would call it that) but it was with someone that I had known for a long time and it was more like two friends getting together for a Christmas party. He was my date :-)

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:13 am

@ I am you are right! I went through a December break-up before and it was not pretty. :cry: You know what I learned not to worry about the “norm” and Hallmark cards during that time. You realize you need to make due and not have a pity party sitting at home. So it worked out and made me stronger

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:15 am

After a 4-5 year relationship I can see needing a break!

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:17 am

in my twenties, I recall one time where I was in a serious relationship and when it ended I wanted to be in a new one but I found that i was looking for someone just like him that treated me better.
Of course, i didn’t end up with anyone and so I just went on dates but that experience taught me that I needed time to heal so for a long time I just dated and met people
When I was ready, I was in a relationship.
……As they say, when the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Each relationship you are in, whether you are married or not, it’s still a learning experience. …
Learning continues from the cradle to the grave.

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:18 am

@I am…I love that 11:17 so true

Leggs

June 7th, 2010
11:19 am

You sound like a different person, I am…that’s good!

@LadyJ ~ you did good!

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:19 am

Purple rain at you 11:05: NASTY!!!! :EVIL:

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:20 am

Leggs: been doing some reflecting lately…..

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
11:20 am

@ Prof

All four of my mjor relationships since high school ended in December (out with the old, in with the new I guess). I hate December with a passion. If I am not in a relationship in October, it is totally play the field and don’ t sttle for any reason until after February 14th ;-)

@ Poppa…Thanks. I’m a college fan mostly also, but since I was a Vol, the Peyton hero worship runs deep. The game did not start until midnight here in the UK, and i felt like crap for a couple of days between loss of sleep AND the frustration.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
11:20 am

“So, for you, how does a physical release help with your mental healing?”

Leggs — It can help in a couple of ways:

1) You know how sometimes women can get a little crazy around that time of the month? Well we dudes can also start to get a little crazy if we don’t cleanse ourselves of the baby batter. That sh!t’s gotta come out! :lol:

2) Speaking for myself, in addition to the physical perks of man-wh@ring, there is also the ego boost that goes along with getting random p-dussy on a regular basis. You ladies can do some damage to the ol’ mojo during break-ups, and just like frequent exercise makes your muscles stronger, freaking phlucking makes the ego (not to mention the wang) stronger. ;-) :lol:

free to be (F2B)

June 7th, 2010
11:21 am

hey everyone

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:23 am

Profesor: Here’s how to survive winter breakup

Make sure your circle of friends are all single when the inevitable happens.
That way you all can party it up together.

It stinks when everyone is coupled up and you find yourself suddenly single during the winter.
Everyone has their winter plans aleady made. Oh sure, they will invite you to make you feel welcome but that is as much fun as being taco looking for sausage and you’re at a taco fest.

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:23 am

free to be (F2B)

June 7th, 2010
11:23 am

o.k. now i can really post b/c this dang blang thang wouldn’t let me before…lol

i can relate to the topic b/c that is the space i’m in now…had a recent breakup. i am thankful that i’m not in the frame of mind to make rash decisions. the truth is that there is no void b/c i’m still here and that’s plenty. when you have a significant other, it multiplies the happiness that is already present. i’m sure that opportunity will swing around for me again when it’s time.:)

it was great to attend the meet and greet on wednesday. lady j, you are a super hostess.:)

Leggs

June 7th, 2010
11:24 am

@I am ~ there’s nothing wrong with that. Reflect on, baby, reflect on!

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:24 am

ALOL @ SWISS 11:20

oKAY….LEMME GO, GOTTA WORK.
I mean,….that’s what they pay me for, right :shock:

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
11:24 am

@PoppaG..Hey there..yeahh I know when the pest control fellow came he said to me you know you can hear the speed way from your porch..Oh joy!(this is sarcasm) I know about Labor Day weekend and I am not looking forward to it at all. I may take off that Friday before. Now on to Hines..I didn’t see the news this weekend..but I wouldnt be surprised..I will miss him something awful if he does..but he can truly say he is going out on top. Rings. Superbowl MVP..good times..good times. Hines is a class act all the way.

Leggs

June 7th, 2010
11:26 am

“baby batter”….cute!

Professor

June 7th, 2010
11:27 am

@ Randyt…I feel ya’ just when I thought I had paid my dues for the December breakups you tell me you have had four. Whew!

@ I am you are right my friends were not coupled up, but most had plans going to the mountains, concerts etc. In the end I spent NYE watching the Peach drop and eating at I-Hop it was fun and little did I know that would be my last big hangout with one of my boys he died a few months later. So I am glad I had that chance…bittersweet.

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
11:28 am

@Purple Rain..How can you not know who Hines Ward is? I am officially offended.

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

June 7th, 2010
11:28 am

Thanks F2B and Leggs!!!! Professor Chardonnay please and lets toast!!!!! LOL

Vacation Bible School starts tonight!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! Gotta keep them busy before i hang them!!!! LOL my child and nieces and nephew!!!!! LOL

Melo

June 7th, 2010
11:30 am

Good morning folks!

The danger of being a rebound,for a chic, is ending up being a pinata.(sp)!

U dont wanna go into a new one while still licking the sticky wounds of the past but pining for ex dude in the menawhile.C

Melo

June 7th, 2010
11:30 am

Good morning folks!

The danger of being a rebound,for a chic, is ending up being a pinata.(sp)!

U dont wanna go into a new one while still licking the sticky wounds of the past but pining for ex dude in the menawhile.C

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
11:30 am

Oh Wow @ professor.
I’m sorry for your loss.
That reminds me: If you love someone tell them, you never know if that will be your last opportunity for them to know.
Live like tomorrow is never promised.
Today is the present, tomorrow is a gift.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
11:31 am

Leggs — Seriously… Show me a dude who shoots up an office, becomes a serial killer or blows up some sh!t ‘cos “god” told him to & I’ll show you a dude who didn’t get anywhere near enough p-dussy. See ladies, you all hold the key to world peace: p-dussy. Matter of fact, I think we need to start a movement: A Piece For Peace. Who’s in??? :lol:

free to be (F2B)

June 7th, 2010
11:33 am

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
11:36 am

@Swiss you are crazy! LOL

Melo

June 7th, 2010
11:37 am

Yes..tecchhhhhhnnnical defeculties!

U dont wanna go into a new one(s) while still licking the sticky wounds of the past but pining for ex dude in the meanwhile.Coz if u have conflicing feelings for old dude and new dude,then u giving both(tripple) dudes an opportunity to hit….

And we all know,the moment u got dudes making turns,playing roulette on ur cherry,u being upgraded to another category of trick.

That may end up being messy,esp in small worlds like Atl.When u trying to model urself out there as a nice chic,u dont wanna get under another when u still have feelings for the prior….But getting under another is a good way to phluck off the ex,for sure…

@Iam..luv u too.

@Proff..howdee??!!

Trying to work hard here since i will be sick on friday! :-)

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
11:39 am

Question: For those of you that take a pause between relationships, do you have a set amount of time you take?

I guess my statements could have been misleading. I’ve taken breaks in between, but they weren’t thought out and weren’t for the purpose of healing my heart. Umm yeah…I wasn’t that wise, just very lucky. Thinking back, quit simply, I kind of enjoyed being free…as in wow…finally no expectations.

There were times I was just not interested in guys who were interested in me or no one was checking for me. There were other times I wasn’t thinking about guys at all…just having fun.

Can a rebound turn into a longterm partner? I think so. It hasn’t happened for me, but anything is possible.

I can say that it definitely sucks when two people who are likely right for each other are not both ready for each other at the same time. Timing is something you can’t force, but it sucks none the less.

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
11:40 am

A Piece For Peace.

LOL!!!

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
11:43 am

@ Prof

One of the biggest frustrations of a Decmeber breakup is exactly what you noted (and also really sorry for your loss too)…New Years. Ever fiber of your body is saying find another dance partner quick, but it also means usually taking “leftovers”. Not a good situation at the time, but hey, its all good in the end.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
11:44 am

Hey Melo, I’m flying to Rome for the weekend. Any tips?

DreamsMaterialize

June 7th, 2010
11:46 am

There were other times I wasn’t thinking about guys at all…just having fun.
Luvbug so you were experimenting with women? ;-)

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
11:47 am

LOL…No, no set amount of time for me. It was what it was.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
11:49 am

DreamsM:lol: My thoughts, exactly!

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
11:50 am

Dreams- I wasn’t experimenting with women. LOL

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
11:52 am

Men?!…It hardly takes 1/2 degrees of seperation before you reach lesbian action. Too funny.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
11:53 am

“I wasn’t experimenting with women”

Luvbug — That’s good… so, we can still capture your first “experience” on video — for educational purposes only, of course…. Dreams I’ll man the camera, you handle the lights… :lol: