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The danger of dating on the rebound

When you are fresh off of a break up, it seems that you suddenly meet a boatload of people that you feel drawn to.  It’s probably the void your ex left that is pushing you to fill it with the first hottie that gets your attention.  It’s hard to see this when you are going through it though.  This is just one of the risks involved in dating on the rebound.

When you meet someone new, we always say not to mention or bring up the ex, especially on a first date.  The problem is that if the ex isn’t completely out of their system…or the picture, you don’t know if they are truly ready to starting something meaningful with you.

If you have just ended a relationship, do you tell the new person in your life how recent the break up was?  Does it matter if the last relationship only ended days or weeks ago?

Have you ever been the rebound guy/girl for someone and it worked out great?

439 comments Add your comment

TheTruthHurts

June 7th, 2010
8:26 am

The quickest way to get over someone is to have some amazing hot sex with a new person…..why bother ruining that by telling the other person???

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
8:29 am

Hello from the UK (again).

Interesting topic: I want to comment about this particular line…”Have you ever been the rebound guy/girl for someone and it worked out great?”

Okay, define great…something that lasted, something that was good until it was not good, etc. What are we saying? I’ve had a bad habit of getting involved women who are still wounded inside from their divorce or a breakup. They, and all men for that matter also, have a bad habit of thinking they are “healed” when deep inside many are still loving/hating their exes (so still being controlled). I have had a bad habit of falling into the “transition” lover position, where the lady needed to have her femininity and attractiveness reinforced she has been torn down in a divorce or a breakup. For awhile it is great, then when they start to regain their self-confidence, and they are ready to strike out on their own…sometimes leaving me sort of standing in the street. Good while it lasts, maybe great, but no permanence.

As I have said many times, I’ve had two LTR’s that were dropped in their tracks when the ex all of a sudden had a renewed interest. These days, I want any strong involvement so far in the rear view mirror that they cannot even remember the guy’s name. Safer that way.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
8:30 am

Morning blog peeps.

On topic: Maybe this is different for guys, but when I split with my long-term ex, I was fully aware of my “rebound” status, if you want to call it that. Although, for me it would be more accurate to say “man-wh@re” status. I was fully aware of it & I made every chick I dealt with during that time fully aware that I had no interest in any sort of serious relationship. I just needed some time to have fun & have my ego (and other things) stroked for a while…. ;-) And once I got that out of my system, I was open to an actual relationship…

Mrs. Tazzee the Newlywed

June 7th, 2010
8:38 am

Morning Folks!

I just wanted to drop in to say a big THANK YOU to Leggs and Lady J for arranging the meet-up on the 28th. Work was a beast last week but I couldn’t let another day go by without expressing my gratitude. Thanks Ladies!

It was great meeting I Am, i’m swiss and Lady J’s friend (can’t remember her blog name). It’s always good to see my girl SCool.

On Topic The one time I was the rebound, the guy went back to his ex. So I can’t say it was a good relationship. I’m glad I could help him realize how much he loved her.. :lol:

I’ve tried to enter relationships to help me get over an ex and it never worked for me. I finally realized that I had to let all the feelings for the ex run their course before I tried to be with someone else because it was never fair to the rebound guy.

Have a great day folks!

Morrus

June 7th, 2010
8:49 am

Curiously, in a supposed anti-incumbent year, most of the departing are not retiring but seeking higher office. We may recycle more than we replace. The bad news is that a frustrating 114 seats still have but one contestant. Two of them aren’t even incumbents, meaning they will affect state policy without being vetted by voters. And I have to think that we’d be better off if many had run instead for the Legislature — and cut down on the number running unopposed. Georgia’s problems are numerous. They aren’t going away. There’s too much stale thinking at the Capitol, on both sides of the aisle. New voices would be welcome.

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
8:50 am

Good Morning All,

Hmmmm nooo I don’t think I have had the whole rebound girl work out for me. Hmmmm I think after most break-ups I have been more of a hermit crab..just staying to myself..and trying to figure out what’s what.

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
8:52 am

@Randy..look if you are going to keep going to the UK you should apply for dual citizenship.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:02 am

Hi Kym

I may have to go to N. Scotland for a couple of weeks in mid July, but hopefully home for awhile before and after that…until the South of France contracts fire up. I am tired of being here, but only two of three of us in my company have British nuclear industry security clearances.

I am really ready to come home for more than a week or two at a time. When I have to think about whether I am kissing a woman with full effect or not, I have been away too long.

Professor

June 7th, 2010
9:07 am

Hola!

By now you all know my status on this topic. I take a seat on the bench after a relationship fails. I am not good at playing the rebound game, I guess you can say I watch the film, look at what I did wrong and heal. Usually during this time I like to hang out with friends and just chill.

As for the rebound thingy I can tell when I test the water too soon and I go back in.

Melo, are you in S. Africa yet? I saw World Cup coverage on GMA and thought about you.

kimmie

June 7th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning Gang!

Kym, if Randy gets dual citizenship, will that make him ineligible to run for President some day? Just kidding!LOL!!

On topic – I’ve been the rebound girl & it was a disaster. He tried to go back to ole girl, but she moved to California and got with someone else. Either way, I’ll hopefully never find myself in that situation again. And the minute I find out a dude is fresh off a breakup – sayonara! Dudes have usually been pretty upfront about their rebound status with me and I with them.

What I found myself running into more in the past were not dudes fresh on the rebound, but dudes still hung up over chicks they dated years ago that didn’t work out. Which is harder in my opinion to deal with than the rebound situation. Usually you know what you’re getting into with the rebound stuff. You know dude is not ready. But you can’t compete with a long-term memory. This person has been built up to be much more than they were in dudes head. I say that because if she was all that and what you guys had was all that, you would still be with her. That’s why I know, from experience, that guys can have a harder time than women moving on after a major breakup. Yeah, they may front, but those feelings run deep and years down the road.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
9:13 am

Morning, Tazzee… Pleasure meeting you as well. Congrats again on the nuptials! Still enjoying that lingering honeymoon state, I hope… ;-)

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
9:15 am

@Randy..

Hi there..awww..I am trying hard to find some sympathy for you..but I really would love to be stuck in the UK..and then off to the South of France. Although I heard the French are a special bunch.

Professor

June 7th, 2010
9:16 am

@Randyt- how was the date? Did you finally take the lady at the drive thru out? I knew you had the HOTs for her…LOL

AmazonRed™ - Stupid refs. Go Lakers!

June 7th, 2010
9:21 am

Morning all!

If your heart is in the right place, then the next after the ex could work. I have a few friends that have gotten divorced who didn’t spend a lot of time mourning their exes. They put them though so much drama, it was easy to acknowledge they made a mistake and moved on from it.

As for telling the new person, if he asks and wants to know, I have no problem telling him how recently I’ve come on the market.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:23 am

@Prof

That is mean…but funny. Not just know but as of today she is still there in case I have to have a fallback plan. Nope, this was my last night in the States…was back for a week. Wnet out with a lady taller than me and “way out of my league” good looking. We both (I think) had a great time and I hope to see her again when I get back. I guess after a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne, even I apparently started looking good ;-) The way to a woman’s heart sometimes is through the wine cabinet ;-)

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
9:25 am

Irony of the day..Elton John..played at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding. Got to love America.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:25 am

Prof…got ahead of myself…meant to say “not just NO, but hellz no”. I think the thought kind of rattled me. She is still there…and still available though.

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
9:27 am

I usually take a break between relationships, but I can think of one time when I’ve dated soon after a breakup. I was pretty honest and straight forward about my newly single status and about not wanting anything serious. Looking back, I’m still not sure if it was a good or bad idea.

I do recall never leveling off in the relationship…never taking it too seriously, but I don’t know if that was because I was just too young at the time or if I’m just not a person that takes relationships too seriously.

I don’t believe I’ve always been told the truth by guys, so there’s a good chance I’ve been the rebound. I’m single now. I imagine that means it didn’t work out.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
9:27 am

Wow…. Elton must be running low on cash these days…

Professor

June 7th, 2010
9:32 am

@Randyt I could not resist linking you to the drive-thru lady :grin: I am happy you had a great date.

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
9:32 am

@Swiss..I think hell has offically frozen over..I think this is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

czBrat

June 7th, 2010
9:33 am

GM All! Hola Profesora!

i’ve not been rebounded (that i know of anyway), and the one time i thought i’d take advantage of a little rebound action just for the fun of it, it turned into a 3-year fling.

When you are fresh off of a break up, it seems that you suddenly meet a boatload of people that you feel drawn to.
um. no sir. i put my blinders on and cherish the down time.

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
9:36 am

Professor- LOL. I was for sure Randy had cleaned up ole girl, ran her buy the dentist and showed her a night on the town.

I guess he’s all high falutin and only dates women out of his league.

Just joking Randy!! :lol:

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
9:39 am

Kym — I don’t know who’s the bigger hypocrite — Rush… well, for just generally being a sh!t-filled wind bag, or Elton for actually agreeing to perform for the wedding of a douche-bag who does everything he can to prevent those like Elton from marrying their chosen partners… I guess everybody really does have a price…

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:39 am

Sup tazzee!!! WOW that is a classy statement : ” you are glad you helped him realize how much he loved her”

Yes very classy indeed to say that

Also waving at Swiss and Lady J

okay, Melo you get love too

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:39 am

Luvbug…I will admit that my standards have been known to drop after a long dry spell, but they haven’t fallen that low though just yet…maybe a decade or two on a desert island might make me re-evaluate ;-)

Professor

June 7th, 2010
9:40 am

Hey czBrat You are right about the boatload of people. I guess I have had a few show up, but nothing of quality.

@Luvbug- LOL Randy know he needs to put her on his Blue Cross plan and clean her up a little. A few dentures, Great Clips, and Nordstrom should do the trick :grin: He will come back telling us how he remixed and remade via makeover the love of his life. J/K Randyt :grin:

SlimCutty

June 7th, 2010
9:41 am

Grand Good Ole Morning to everybody!!

Professor

June 7th, 2010
9:41 am

@Swiss ^5 on that 9:39

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
9:41 am

How’s it hangin’, i am…?

Kym-Can you say triple double? I think you can..

June 7th, 2010
9:44 am

@Swiss yess and Elton’s price is 1million. I don’t know maybe the money went to charity or something. Either way…it’s just damn weird.

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
9:45 am

Prof — I mean, really… Has he no dignity? That would be like Snoop performing for David Dukes wedding or something. Just does not compute….

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:46 am

Prof…no witty comeback for that one ;-) Not sure that those suggestions would be enough to take her above the bottom threshold though. Did I mention she also seems to be mayb 4′10″ or at most 5′? Probably a nice person but…

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:47 am

back to the topic on hand:
Honesty is the best policy. You don’t have to spill the gory details, just be brief.

If you meet someone shortly after a break up , just be honest and disclose (only when asked otherwise no need to mention that you broke up recently) the brief: example: yes I was was with someone we broke up not to long ago. From then keep it moving onto other topics

If asked why you broke up: just say it didn’t work out and we felt it best to part ways.
After you have gone to know someone for a while, if you choose to then you can go into detail but keep it brief in the beginning.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:48 am

On a serious note, some taxi driver here in Whitehaven went berserk last week (when I was home) and killed something like 12 people and wounded a dozen more. That is a monthly occurence in the States and we kill off more than that on a summer weekend in the ATL, but that is unheard of here in the UK.

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:50 am

the way you end a relationship startes the precendence of how you will begin a relationship.
End a relationship gracefully, wish the other person the best and be open to what the future holds for you and hope that the other person turns out okay as well.
This is the start to receiving your blessings.

Wish someone the worst and leave with drama (example: damaging the person’s things, stalking, busting windows out his car, etc) don’t expect God to bless you kindly.

Randyt (aka had a date with a real live woman instead of a sheep, but now back in the UK where men are men and sheep are scared)

June 7th, 2010
9:51 am

@ I am…

Re your comment about saying “it just didn’t work out”, a lady I was involved with for a couple of years said something painful but true. She said that when she had been dropped, her philosophy was that “if it isn’t right for one, it isn’t right for either”. She was right in the lang run, but it still wounded.

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:51 am

Swiss: Females don’t hang :-D LOL
on a real: I’m doing good. how bout you and the Mrs?

Luvbug

June 7th, 2010
9:51 am

Professor/Randy – I know right?! Randy don’t know what the deal is. There must be some truth to the movie Pretty Woman…wait…Hugh Hefner…old Republican men…NBA/NFL players…she needn’t worry. She’ll find her prince one day. LOL

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:54 am

Randy it is painful but very very true.

The heart don’t break even. One wants to stay while the other is leaving.

You don’t see it when you are going thru this but when you have the opportunity to process it, you learn that the things that are supposed to be happen , happen naturally and don’t have to be forced to fit.
Kinda like a square peg fits perfectly in a square hole.

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
9:56 am

If Rush can get married there is hope for me yet :-D

LOL

Leggs

June 7th, 2010
9:59 am

Good morning. I would definitely take Professor’s approach and sit back and review, heal then attempt to get to know another!

@Tazzee ~ you are more than welcome. It was a pleasure meeting you.

@I am ~ hope you’re doing well/better this morning.

To all that came out Friday night, it was a blast!

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
10:00 am

i am… — Maybe I should have asked “how’re they hanging?” :lol:

I’m doing well. Mrs Swiss would probably say she’s been better — she’s in surgery right now. It was planned & is fairly routine, but she’s not gonna be a happy camper for a few weeks.

Professor

June 7th, 2010
10:00 am

@Randyt I didn’t know she was that tiny.

@Swiss so true

@Luvbug :grin: true

Professor

June 7th, 2010
10:05 am

@Swiss I am wishing Mrs Swiss a speedy recovery!

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
10:09 am

Leggs, I’m cool as a cucumber :-)

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
10:09 am

Hey Professor!!!!

i'm swiss

June 7th, 2010
10:09 am

Thanks, Prof.

I am whatever you say I am

June 7th, 2010
10:10 am

ALOL at SWiss! The girls are good.
LOL!!!

I wish Mrs. Swiss a speedy recovery.

DreamsMaterialize

June 7th, 2010
10:10 am

Morning
Have you ever been the rebound guy/girl for someone and it worked out great?
Depends on what you mean by “worked out great.” If you are asking whether the rebound situation blossemed into a full-fledged meaningful relationship, then it did NOT work out great. If you’re asking whether the rebound situation yielded satisfying sex and temporary companionship, then I’d say it worked out just fine.