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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Let’s Wait A While – Are You Worth The Wait?

I am excited about getting new voices on the Misadventures in Atlanta blog. Variety is the spice of life! I decided to recruit more people to be featured on our corner of AJC.COM so if you are interested in being part of the Sizzling Summer’s Love Squad blog panel let me know!

Today I asked KP from Chat Kafe (http://www.chatkafeonline.com, http://chatkafe.blogspot.com), a reader and occasional commenter on Misadventures in Atlanta blog to guest blog for me.  If you are not familiar with him, he is a relationship coach.  I know some of you are fans of his and others, not so much.  His perspective is refreshing to me.

Whatever you feel about him, I hope you will welcome him and be open to what he has to say.  We can always agree to disagree but it’s important to listen!

In 1986, Janet Jackson came out with a popular hit titled “Let’s Wait A While” that took the country by storm. The words of the hit song used to epitomize the approach that ‘quality’ women took when dealing with men in dating and relationships. Unfortunately, things have shifted from “Let’s Wait A While” to a “have-to-have it” mentality.

The modern day approach is pretty predictable and standard. Man meets woman. They exchange information. They go out. Man taps into the mind of the woman. Proper mind tapping results in an open heart and open body experience. It’s usually that easy. Tupac stated it best in his song “I Get Around” when he said, “I don’t want it if that’s easy!” This can be better translated as “I won’t want YOU if it’s that easy!”

Now there is nothing wrong with the above formula as long as it’s with the person you are destined to spend your life with. However, the above equation has gone from a Hollywood fairytale experience, to a merry-go-round experience with the flavor of the week. Would you share your retirement account with someone who isn’t vested? Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Women: Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating? Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

390 comments Add your comment

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
8:27 am

Good Morning All,

Women: Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? No.

Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating? Depends on the woman.

Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?
I will answer your question with a question and ask why is waiting so important?

Wisey I am not a KP fan but then I am only a fan of sports teams. I find the concept of relationship/life coaches a bit suspect. I mean who in the heck can really say they have the answers to what is best for another’s relationship or life? I mean how can you possible get a degree in life?

Jeff

June 4th, 2010
8:33 am

Women: Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? Yes, because that’s what comes with exchanging gender roles in every other area of life. Gotta take the bad with the good, sister.

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage? No for so many reasons. The prime example I have seen is that a woman who can supresses her sex drive before marriage will never be able to unsupress it after the vows as she predicts. Except that now the man is legally less equal than her, especially when kids are involved.

Plus, we like sex.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
8:38 am

sex spells S-E-X. It does not spell I-O-U

So whether you have a guy wait or not, there is no guarantee that he will be with you.
Further more, if you decide to wait… base it on quality and not quantinty. For example, if you decide to wait 3 months after dating a guy, what’s the point if you see him every other week and don’t spend quality time getting to know him, or you only see him on his terms

Mike P

June 4th, 2010
8:43 am

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

I operated on my own “time-table” when dealing with this issue… and its not that I don’t respect the women who make a commitment; it could be that a woman may not be “chosen” for that type of relationship with me (she may just only qualify for immediate phlucking) so when that woman don’t play her role (the role I selected for her), I don’t and won’t “wait a while” for her. On to the next one.

and sometimes I just don’t wanna deal with a “relationship” at the moment.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
8:43 am

Hola!

Great topic I am going to lurk a little or at least try to. I think y’all know where I stand on this one.

:grin:

Professor

June 4th, 2010
8:49 am

This topic make me think of that Ciara song….

Bet you want the goodies.
Bet you thought about it.
Got you all hot and bothered.
Mad cause I talk around it.
Looking for the goodies
Keep on lookin’ cuz they stay in the jar
Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh

Mar

June 4th, 2010
8:49 am

KP makes an excellent point. True, you may not need a relationship/life coach to navigate through life. You also don’t need to be a weatherman to realize it’s hot outside. To my point, KP doesn’t need to have life perfected before he can give you sound advice.

Answer the question: Would you share your retirement with someone who isn’t vested?

This is a matter of value. It’s okay to drop a penny and not pick it up. Would you drop a $100 bill and keep it moving? Everything has it’s value.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:09 am

ok. read it, and my answer is still “absolutely”!

Hey KP! i love the pension analogy. as for what a man will think of the fact that i’m not easy, i couldn’t care less. as is said on the blog quite often …. KIM. although i do think men will ‘respect’ a woman who guards her treasure well, i don’t think they’re likely to stick around long enough to learn all the other things there are to know about her.
did that make sense? i dunno. it’s very early at the end of a very long ’short’ week. :mad:

Hola Profesora!

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:11 am

wow. i guess the blog monster doesn’t appreciate my comment on the nonsense at piedmont last night. FINE!!!

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning all! Happy Friday!

KP, thanks for stepping in today. By the way, I meant to introduce myself to you at the cookout Saturday. Nice to see someone representing in their Lakers gear!!! :D

Professor

June 4th, 2010
9:15 am

Hey Brat!

Now you know I want to hear about Piedmont last night. :grin:

I agree, with you a lot of men will respect the woman for not being easy, but will move on to an easier target…it all depends on what he wants at the time.

Brandi

June 4th, 2010
9:19 am

I wholeheartedly agree with Mar (great analogy btw about the weatherman, as I hardly ever watch the weather report…I step outside my balcony, experience the surroundings for myself and adjust my response to the situation appropriately–kinda like you said Mar (like LIFE). Love that! KUDOS to KP a certified relationship expert by unmerited favor!

Personally, I think it depends on the kind of women you are dealing with and what she considers valuable. The key question is, “why not make a man wait for it, if you think you’re worth it”. So many women have a tainted view of their worth…perhaps their father wasn’t around to express to them their worth, maybe they were exposed to various sexual outlets at an early age, or they’ve obeserved their mother hustling any way possible to make ends met, or perhaps they were “turned out and burned out” by they first love/sexual encounter. Every situation is different and each has a different effect. Some women aren’t affected at all and become quite the opposite. It truly boils down to what’s valuable that individual considers valuable. Some people stand out in cold rain, heavy winds, for various hours/days waiting patiently to see their favorite recording artist–because that’s valuable to them. You would never see me doing that–because it’s not worth it. However, you will see me waiting two-three months to see a great doctor, because my body is valuable to me and want the best medical opinion that can be offered. I value their time and expertise and know that I must wait to experience that. Waiting to see that person, will provide me with someone who has proven experiece and success in being able to carefully learn all there is about my history and adjust my care plan appropriate to best meet my medical needs. I will exercise daily and eat healthy–knowing that I may not see the results right away, but in the end, I will look better and feel better–it’s worth the effort of patience and discipline because I will see reap the wonderful benefits of looking good and feeling good–because I waited.

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

Regarding this question…again it depends on a person. I can’t speak on the account of a man so I won’t be elaborate in my response; however, from my experience, most men that I share my celibacy/abstinence with don’t stick around. It’s okay, because saying celibacy is like a weedwacker! So I’m okay with that…but I have spoken to some male friends and it’s not that it’s they lack respect, it’s mostly because they don’t want to put forth the effort to do it. Getting sex is too easy. They want it, so why wait? They rather settle for fleeting pleasure than experience something that is more lasting. One of the most powerful things I heard a man say to me is that I don’t sleep with just anyone–I’m valuable too! I loved that. Men and everything they possess are valuable; however, I don’t believe they are taught that as much as women growing up–and it seeps into their adult life.

Thanks for your thought-provoking post KP!

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
9:20 am

Good morning and HAPPY FEEL UP YO FRIENDS FANNY’S FRIDAY!!! :-d

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:23 am

i didn’t go because i thought the weather would be nasty. just read the article about the fight and gunshots that ended the movie shortly after it started. sent people running for their cars. and apparently some miscreants were throwing rocks at cars busting out windows. smdh

it all depends on what he wants at the time.
in my experience, those who stick around either like a challenge or are genuinely interested in the whole woman (or perhaps some combination). of course, those who don’t stick around are immediately forgotten.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
9:23 am

LOL @ Slim some friends have flat fanny’s!!! It is national doughnut day..free krispy kreme…

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
9:26 am

Waiting some designated time and place to have sex..is no guarantee you will have a successful relationship. Anymore than not waiting guarantee’s the relationship will fail.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
9:28 am

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
9:28 am

On-topic:

Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating? Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

No matter how unpopular, prudish or holier than thou people want to call me, I will never take a “male minded mentality” when it comes to sex. I may not know much, but I know me, and I know what’s good for my peace of mind. I sleep like the dead each night cuz I know I’m staying true to myself.

I know there is easier prey out there, and it doesn’t move me. I think I’m worth the wait and will wait as long as I have to to find a guy who feels the same.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:29 am

So many women have a tainted view of their worth…perhaps their father wasn’t around to express to them their worth,
thank you Brandi. i’ve said it before and will gladly say it again. my father made all of his kids and grandkids feel like we hung the moon. and that ego confidence is with me to this day. if you don’t see in me the value i see in myself, then you should start looking elsewhere. easy, breezy, lemon squeezy :lol:

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
9:31 am

Kym – Yeah i found out about Doughnut day when I went to Dunkin Doughnut this morning for my daily dose of caffeine ;-)

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:32 am

ARed, sistah we are —–>here<—–. i look at it this way, the more male-minded women are out there, the more valuable i become.

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
9:32 am

Good morning MIA fam!

I thought that Melo and For Real would have been ALL over this post by now. Hmmm…mayber they’re converting to my way of thinking :)

I know this isn’t the POPULAR approach to relationships, but one that may help to shift the flawed approach that has become so prevalent in today’s world.

I will sit back and lurk for a while, but would love to hear the opposing viewpoints.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
9:34 am

@Slim Dunkin..yuck..Krispy Kreme..is the truth!!

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:34 am

i saw the ads about donut day and deliberately turned my blinders up to “HIGH” on my way to work. i’m working too hard in the other direction to go and add another ounce right now.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
9:35 am

I would not mind waiting unless sex is all I wanted.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:36 am

no worries, KP. opposing viewpoints will be here soon enough. can’t wait to see how many of the blog women will be called liars.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
9:39 am

Kym – I agree regarding KK over DD. I gave the doughnut away when I got to work lol. I go to DD for the coffee and croissants. :-D

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
9:39 am

@ARed Dang…you were in the building and didn’t make yourself known? Don’t do that anymore! (in my daddy’s voice) :)

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
9:40 am

Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Here here…I’m agreeing. I love your post KP!

I’m agreeing with Mar and I also like how Professor —->I agree, with you a lot of men will respect the woman for not being easy, but will move on to an easier target

That’s why I follow my heart and what I’ve found to be true. I’m willing to risk a man taking a walk because I’m not ready to be physically intimate rather than take a leap because there’s an impending unspoken ultimatum. I know, as in any case there’s never a guarantee but I’m still of the belief anything worth having is worth working for. I don’t buy into the “let’s just see how things go”….to some degree. I’m good “seeing how things will progess” but sex too early (for me…IMO) isn’t as natural as some men would have us believe. Butterflies, feeling giddy, excited, talking for hours, taking the time to make time, sharing….are all natural tendencies when you’re feeling the vibe of “new love” but having sex ain’t one. For me, it’s a natural occurance once all the other characteristics of love or serious liking are evident.

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
9:41 am

@KP –

Sorry, I was all about Mafia. :oops: But I did give you a high five after the Lakers won. :)

Professor

June 4th, 2010
9:41 am

@czBrat that is a doggone shame gunshots and rocks at screen on the green. Oh yea I am glad I didn’t know about the doughnuts this morning I would have sneaked one okay two…I don’t have the willpower to rebuke KK especially if the hot light is on. :grin:

@ Brandi great post, but I have to ding you on the word count :grin: Welcome to the blog

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
9:43 am

As a woman I think if you are going to talk the talk then walk the walk. In other words..if you are holding yourself as pure and waiting until you get to know said dude as “the one” then you should behave in that manner at all times. For example, you can not tell a man(visual creature) I want to wait..and then show up at the date with your left butt cheek hanging out of your pants. Or saying I want to wait but then you begin sending dude pics of your butt and boobs with the message..wait until you get a load of this…that right there shows you are not walking how you talking.

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
9:45 am

As a woman I think if you are going to talk the talk then walk the walk

I think all of us “not so quick to jump” ladies are in agreeance.

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
9:45 am

Well, hold on, I don’t send nuddy pics…LOL

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
9:47 am

Honestly there are some lines that I have crossed and a few that would probably get blurred but one thing I’ve found to be true and that one thing that holds me to holding back is that I have kid. Whatever I’m in her face preaching or teaching, I gotta roll the same. Kids are by no means stupid.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
9:48 am

‘if you are holding yourself as pure and waiting until you get to know said dude as “the one” then you should behave in that manner at all times’

@Kym – GOOD point! I can’t recall which comedian said that you cannot expect folks to think of you any other way if you’re wearing the ‘uniform’. If you walk around with your butt cheeks, camel toe, and both itties out…you can’t expect dudes to not look at you like a h0 if you’re wearing the h0 uniform. :lol:

Brandi

June 4th, 2010
9:48 am

lol@Professor…I’m a bit long winded…I’ll try to keep it to a minimum :o ) Thank you

Professor

June 4th, 2010
9:49 am

Sharing a few thoughts for a minute, bare with me, because I am not trying to blast the men.

When I was younger I had more patience (it was a turnoff still) with guys pressing for the goodies, but now it is a turnoff for a man deebo-ing his way into my g-string. I mean seriously why the full court press? I’ve shared with you all the turnoff these conversations bring me when they appear too soon, or the guy is eagar to link everything to s-e-x. I don’t know if I have some teenage manchild on the phone with a wet dream. If you are a grown, professional man it just seems like you should be above the ding-dong pics, bringing up sex in every sentence or trying to press yourself into an encounter. Also check the batteries on your radar, it should tell you certain women are not up for that mess…just look at how she carries herself.

Stepping down off the box. :grin:

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:49 am

LMAO @ Kym and Phatty. you would think that’s common sense, but it’s not. that’s a sure sign of a chick playing games!

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
9:54 am

that is a doggone shame gunshots and rocks at screen on the green.

I heard about that on the radio….a woman who was there with her daughter said it was groups of boys n girls running amuk,stepping on people’s blankets w/o saying excuse me,randomly punching people in the face and not to mention the fighting and gun shots. What I find even sadder is that the kids were AA.

On topic: To thine own self be true. Understand that your truth may not be someone else’s and do what works for you. Kym I think your last post said it best: if you are going to talk the talk then walk the walk.….and that goes for both men and women. I’ve met guys who said they’re looking for “the one” but their behaviors dictated somethin totally the contrary and have seen women do likewise. You receive what you project

?

June 4th, 2010
9:54 am

@ it’s me Lurker – Some women want hold out like “it” is a prize but what they are holding out for are carrots as in (3.5 Round cut) and that is so manipulative. If you find love, you are going to want to show love (mutually). Yes, timing is important, but if you sitting around with kids and have been in and out of relationships, dont act like an ingénue either.

Alan

June 4th, 2010
9:57 am

Fights, gunshots stop Screen on the Green
Witness says large brawl broke out early in movie, followed by shots.

Will someone please explain why black people are still trying to ruin Atlanta? Imagine being there last night on a date.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
9:57 am

Sassy that is a doggone shame…I did not hear the radio reports and this morning I watched the national news, so I was unaware. :cry: Folks need to raise their young’uns

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
9:57 am

There are to many things at risk to hop in the sack to soon. Devaluing yourself, the risk of an STD or pregnancy, just to many risks to list.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
9:59 am

off to a very long meeting. catch up with yas in a bit.

!

June 4th, 2010
9:59 am

?, I know what you did last summer

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:01 am

:grin: @ The Purple One

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
10:04 am

Will someone please explain why some people are so —> IGNORANT?

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
10:06 am

Morning PRain ;-)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:06 am

And another thang..While this message is quite noble and all that..lets just be real. You preaching to the wrong choir. If you really want to bring about change I mean true change not just getting Sister Shanqiue..to stop wearing short skirts to church or brother Rondell to stop sleeping his way thru the choir..you need to take this message of self worth and love to the streets. The real streets. My coworker just this morning told me about a few young “ladies” of the night..walking down the road with cheeks flapping in the wind. The jokers in here or lurkering..may no better but choose not to do better..but some folks..those who really need the message..they don’t no better in order to do better.

Disclaimer..if I stepped on anyone’s toes..with the remarks above..next time move your feet.

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 4th, 2010
10:07 am

Interesting topic.

I think everyone should be careful who they deal with, but a probationary period is not necessarily a good idea. I think this sours the interactions between the man and the woman and makes everything about her package rather than the guy genuinely wanting to get to know her. She is making herself a quest, goal, and a challenge. What happens when you conquer a quest or achive a goal? You want to CONQUER OR ACHIEVE another goal. I also think this is one of the main reasons alot of women arent getting married because they make it about their package rather than getting to know them, learning what makes them tick.

I think guys mess up here: “Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?” Why is it a prize? Realistically, its just an object thats no different than the next. An engine is the same, but its what kind of car it is in that makes it more valuable. What kind of car are you?

Also, guys should take a lets wait a while approach because a guy really has nothing to gain from an physical experience with a woman. The physical act is really just entertainment. Thats why we have to be selective who we deal with. A woman can come up on the right guy and she will be set for life. She has more to gain in the physical arena than a man does.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:09 am

Disclaimer..if I stepped on anyone’s toes..with the remarks above..next time move your feet.

:grin:

Love it!

Alan

June 4th, 2010
10:09 am

Slim, you moron. All I did was speak the truth. All black people do are kill, rob, and cause problems. That is a fact. Watch the news loser.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:10 am

Folks need to raise their young’uns

Exactly…I think part of the problem is that you have some young parents with children that act more like their friends than parents. I also heard on the radio this morning that alot of parents were dropping their kids off when Screen on the Green is promoted as something for parents to do with their kids. Tsk tsk tsk….

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:11 am

Happy Friday Good Blog People!

A lot of you have mentioned being true to yourself. I think that applies quite a bit to this topic. I was very fortunate to have parents that raised me & my siblings to value ourselves. They also walked the walk, and did it well. It was the little things my parents did in raising me that went a long way to shape my point of view on this subject. My mother did not allow me to accept gifts from guys, unless it was a small Christmas or birthday gift. She said she didn’t want a guy thinking I owed him anything. When I went away to college, while she was religious, she did not preach the “wait till marriage thing”. She knew it was not practical. But she did say that whatever I did, there was a classy way to do it. So when I began dating, no matter how hard a guy pressed me, I was never swayed. The stuff I was taught stuck with me. I don’t hold hands, kiss, anything, until I’m good and ready. How a guy treated me and made me feel determined if things happened quickly, slowly or not at all. And my way has worked for me. I’m not desperate, I get my respect and every one involved is happy. Very few dudes even stepped to me with that get-it-quick mess. They know who they can get away with that mess with & who they can’t, by how you carry yourself.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Slim it’s early dearheart don’t feed the animals….let them starve :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

@Alan..thank you for proving Slim’s point. note that in her post she didn’t say YOU or YOUR post were ignorant. But since you so graciously took up that veil of ignorance..wear it in good health..looks good on ya!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Melo, Swiss I have a question for you guys when you enter today.

Purple, I will start with you. When you realize a woman is playing the waiting game just to say I don’t have sex with a guy during the first 5 months, do you bounce? Also, do you get mad when you wait and that stuff is in good?

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Professor, :)

SlimOne,”PRain” LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

@Kym…You can find our crew out on Fulton Industrial speaking to the young street walking ladies about self worth too. Note taken.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:14 am

@Kym and Slim~ ^5 on that 10:12 and 10:04.

The hit dog will holler

Sue

June 4th, 2010
10:15 am

Whatever happened to playing hard to get? As my dad says, “easy come, easy go”.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:17 am

@KP good now work on the pimps and you will be closer to the solution.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:17 am

Some of you are making some very good valid points and two of you sound like you’re huffing fumes….ignorance is bliss I guess.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:19 am

work on the pimps and you will be closer to the solution

Ditto..

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:20 am

Professor, I do not mind waiting at all. I really believe intimacy is what you make it. :) There is pleasure in some heavy kissing and holding each other, IMO,sometimes the passion involved is better than the actual “act”.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:21 am

Morning All,

I don’t think men or women should look at S-E-X as a prize, that is the 1st problem because we then want to associate it as the “ultimate” part of who and what we are. It is an act that comes about when 2 people who have begun to explore each other mentally and emotionally, and then decide to come together in the physical sense. That is not the best part of me, so I don’t lead conversations talking about it and I don’t wear it like it is a badge of honor either.

In society now, some people seem to skip the emotional and mental bonding before heading straight to sex. Like the dirty guy or gal that attaches everything to sex. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction and chemistry can be a mugg, but it should not be only goal in mind for either.

@ Alan–You are the moron for making such a broad statement, don’t act like other races (Whites, Latinos, Indians, etc.) are not commiting crimes, too. Majority of the people on here are AA, so guess what??? We are not robbing, killing, or committing any crimes!

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
10:22 am

@Kym…will do. It’s good to address all audiences, but especially the one with the power of ‘NO’.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

@Kimmie my mom/dad would not allow us to accept gifts either except for special occassions.

However, how do you feel about the activity still being the same and the outcome still being the same whether it is done “classy” or not?

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

Alan – You’re right…I am a loser….and a moron. Do you feel better now? :lol:

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

Good morning, everyone.

I value my worth and anyone who doesn’t see it, doesn’t get me! It’s not that I’m trying to hold out, merely navigating to hang with those that I deem worthy to share all of me with. Not everyone should be privy to “all” a person has to offer.

@czB ~ thanks so much for that recap at the Park yesterday. I got a call to turn to V103, but missed the story. Main reason why I said no to my child going. Hindsight is extremely helpful when used! Also, miscreants is exactly what they are!!!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:25 am

Especially the pimps that are preying on the young girls it breaks my heart when I see these trials going on and the pimp had girls 12, 13, 14 years old.

:cry:

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:26 am

Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

Hey folks..good topic KP!

In reply to the above, I would wait,if she aint gotten tapped yet,we vibe and she is long term marriage material. I wld respect that. No doubt.

Here is the problem..most of these females aint new new..somebody has already tapped that coochie so if u are gon to bring me that “lets wait a lil bit”, all the while,Joe,Pookey, and Tyrone have had their prior shares and i know that,that wont cut it.

U aint gon to string me along like a suckker like that. I will wanna respectfully wait,maybe a month,if we heavy dating,at least to get to know where u stay,ur job and that u aint a physycho and we go on a cpple of dates but thats it.

I aint goin to wait 4 months to tap that when we going out every other week-end. It aint gon happen like that or else i move on!

Now another thing is,not every woman u approach and date is long term potential material. So waiting again,is not really an option coz in this relationship,all we doing is dating to have fun. So why wait when u got all my vital info and we vibing? Waiting is for suckkers coz if u lay fallow on that coochie,somebody is gon tap it,unbeknown to u.

When u saying,”Waiting”,how long is waiting anyway??

As far as sexx and the peddlers,there is a variety of providers out there so it depends on what the man is looking for. And the comptetition is waiting to give u(the man) rebates,so be careful on that! :lol: :lol:

A serious girl??? for me its more about where she has been(her history) and her current mental state and character than the sexx part. If her character is str8, im not worried about her coochie coz (the) her character dictates the coochie’s condition..notTored Up! :lol:

If all u looking for is a show and tell and a dazzling display, again,there are women who are prepared to woe men based on that so u take ur pick.But im not sure i wld take a woman seriously for a 40 + year commitment based on her nocturnal/day bedroom ,bamboozling skills.

But be real about “waiting” ladies! Sometimes we guys know,u just fronting!

Morning people!! :lol:

J-smoove

June 4th, 2010
10:27 am

AmazonRed™ – That’s 1. Go Lakers! relax you are like everybody else trying to get at KP. Really flirting in the newspaper, are you really that desperate? I guess so.

AJCGirl

June 4th, 2010
10:27 am

CzBrat, I really agree with your comment, “although i do think men will ‘respect’ a woman who guards her treasure well, i don’t think they’re likely to stick around long enough to learn all the other things there are to know about her.” But I would like to add, THAT is how we WEED OUT the riff raff! It may really put a damper on you love life, depending on your requirements, but I think “Holding Out” is worth it, if you’re looking for a person who CARES about you as a person. It’s a price you gotta pay!

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
10:28 am

Enter your comments here

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
10:29 am

Good Morning Erybody. The blog monster is on me already.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:31 am

JtJ the first part of your post is what it should be about and that’s what’s up more of our society should strive for that….sadly in this microwave mentality that pervades the dating scene alot of that is lost in the hunt for instant gratification…..so many are looking for Mr./Mrs. Tonight and not Right.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:32 am

However, how do you feel about the activity still being the same and the outcome still being the same whether it is done “classy” or not?

Professor – I can only speak for myself and my experiences. I am not and have not always been a perfect angel. The time I didn’t heed my mom’s advice and didn’t exactly “keep it classy” or did things before I was comfortable – not only was the “activity” not the same, but the outcome was definitely not. How I feel about myself, the other person, and the risks taken with my body are what determine the outcome for me.

Alan

June 4th, 2010
10:33 am

JtJ, watch the news. Quit acting like you thugs don’t cause MOST of the problems. Kill, kill, kill.

My name is Prince...

June 4th, 2010
10:33 am

Crime is committed by 5 to 7 percent of any disadvantage race, black or white. Over 90 percent are doing the right thing. The news, for your entertainment, focuses only on the 5 to 7 percent committing crimes. One person doing something bad does not represent the entire race.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:34 am

@Kimmie, thanks for the response. The outcome is never right when you go against yourself and what is comfortable to you…if that makes sense.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:35 am

Alan- Go play in traffic!!Nobody will miss you!!

Lady J-J's partys ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
10:35 am

Happy Friday Crew!!!!!!!!

Go Lakers!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t forget if your evening is clear swing by Cafe Circa @ 6pm for Happy Hour!!!!!

My busy Friday is in progress be back later…..lol

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:36 am

Especially the pimps that are preying on the young girls

I agree with you on that Professor…they prey on these young girls. Pimps target young girls on the street, ones from broken homes who may be vulnerable…they especially like going to bus stations looking for runaways. Then they beat the breaks off of these poor girls for refusing to “work” or not making enough money. So yeah kudos to the groups tryna talk to the girls but target the pimps.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:37 am

Professor – Makes perfect sense!

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

? I agree with your stance that manipulation often plays into the equation but that’s not what we’re or I should say I’m talking about. I’m talking about doing what’s right and what’s best for you. You being me the woman and doing what right for you the man. If that means waiting then wait. If it means walking then walk. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

…I am funky!

:grin:

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

My Name is Prince, I am the only Purple One on this blog, please change your moniker. :)

J-smoove

June 4th, 2010
10:40 am

ARed…You are my type of girl. Ripe and ready for the phlucking, I’d date you right quick.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:41 am

Purple I thought that was you…lol :???:

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:41 am

Random thought: Sometimes one must consciously decide to be the bigger person…

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
10:42 am

Whoohoo it’s Friday!!

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

@ Sassy..Yep..@Mr. Tonight/Ms. Right phrase. Somethings worthwhile should take time to grow and develop, but too many “go there” too soon and then are left wondering why it didn’t work.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

Melo – Why do you guys take issue when a woman wants to upgrade her lifestyle? Like she might have slept around in her younger days, but she sees the error of her ways and wants to lead her life differently, so she becomes more selective. Maybe she has found religion or become a mother so she wants to set a better example, or she’s just GROWN UP and wants to lead a better life. She starts not passing it out to every dude that winks at her and she meets up with a guy she likes and wants to truly get to know before they take things there. But you guys put her down for wanting to wait. What’s up with that?

Not putting you down Melo, just curious about your & other folks thinking on that.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

@Purple Rain..what up folk?? I thought about you the other day when I passed this Summit Racing place near my house. I didn’t realize how serious racing is.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:44 am

When you realize a woman is playing the waiting game just to say I don’t have sex with a guy during the first 5 months, do you bounce?

@Proff!

depends on the woman and our level of interaction. Speaking for myself, a woman im interacting with constantly,proly daily and having dates with almost every week will not last 5 months,let alone 2……

Either,her amnesia will unconsciously kick in or she wil give me that usual line,when the nickkers are coming down:

I DONT USUALLY DO THIS” :-) (thats me,scratching my nose lightly, watching u unrobe)

:lol: :lol:

Yes,u just did! :lol:

Willie Dynamite

June 4th, 2010
10:44 am

Morning All,

I have no problem with a Woman choosing to wait. My response to the waiting game is solely dictacted by my interactions with her. If she has stimulated my mind to the point of my focus being on getting to know her moreso than the “prize” then I’ll happily enjoy the wait.

I will say that the needless waiting game just for the sake of waiting is IMO just that Games. If I have invested my quality time and you’ve done the due diligence so to speak and everything checks out. Then just to wait for some pre-appointed time slot then heyal naw you aint worth the wait to me. Men will stick around and wait if they see the potential. We aren’t that smart but most of us can spot a filibuster when we see one (at least I can).

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
10:46 am

No…we just didn’t!!

..reality of truth....

June 4th, 2010
10:49 am

Ok so the guy broke, does credit card scams and has a bunch of baby momas and is married. You know what that tells me? you are a dummy cause why the would you eff a broke guy w baby momas and a wife? he had to have some sort of money for u to eff w/em so stop trynna make em look like a sorry a$$ dude even though he is, you are worst to deal w lame dudes. Learn how to pick and choose better. Some these lame girlz now adays got it confused
She fine, but she aint nobody big enough to even care about havin a relationship with her bc she is a manhater, so what. Just another naked trick, talkin ish bout the dude that was hitting it. Lame azz broad…I’d smash tho.if hes a loser and a fraud and got you to suck him and do him then what does that make you?

Dumb broad. Sucked him, let him hit, KNEW he was married, knew he was “broke” (so she says), etc etc….yadda yadda. But HE’S the lame….trick gtfo here. If I ever saw ole boy I’d dap him up for exposing another bird brain trick tryna get a payday from a dude that ended up with NOTHING!

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:49 am

Dear QT, Please have the black cherry smoothie machine ready when I get there for my .49 cent drink today. Yesterday I had to settle for a melon berry, white cherry, lemonade combo..and while good..it was not the same.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Kym

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:49 am

Why do you guys take issue when a woman wants to upgrade her lifestyle?

@Kimmie??

that english word,CREDIBILITY

thats why its safe,if u have that kinda of credibility,man or woman :arrow: skip town and start afresh, elsehwere.

Coz the bottom line is everbody is looking out for their own interests,me included…

If u now with Jesus,rest assured Jesus will roll with u.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:51 am

Professor, someone is using my Purple status. LOL I like the name Kym gave me. :)

Kym, :) How are you?

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
10:51 am

Knowing the history of many of my happily married and coupled up brethren, what rules??

You can wait if you want…give it up day one if you want…take your internal traffic light and flick it everywhichaway if you want. Reality tells me that it has little bearing on who will and won’t be in a healthy (leaning compatible) long term relationship.

I agree with I am. It shouldn’t be used as a bargaining tool…and (IMO) I don’t think women should be raised to measure their worth by their vagina.

As for me, I’m not in the mood right now. There’s really no waiting until the right one comes along or calculated plan…but I’m still gonna sex flirt on here when I feel like it…no matter how it reads. :lol:

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:53 am

@Purple Rain..I am good..its Friday..I have a great weekend planned and I am feeling most grateful today!!

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
10:53 am

AmazonRed™ – That’s 1. Go Lakers! relax you are like everybody else trying to get at KP. Really flirting in the newspaper, are you really that desperate? I guess so.

J-Smooth – I got a man, so you can crawl back into your hole now.

How some of y’all simpleton’s reach your silly conclusions is beyond me. :lol: Folks can’t even be friendly nowadays. :arrow:

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:55 am

kimmie, I have no issue with a woman or any person not making the same mistakes. They have to be able to live with themselves. If it is a real change it is real. Just don’t fool yourself, who cares what other people think. :)

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:56 am

Knowing the history of many of my happily married and coupled up brethren, what rules??

Luvbug – I agree. Most have just gone with what felt right at the time.

J-smoove

June 4th, 2010
10:58 am

ARed…Does your man have a woman? I think you are wide open. I want to be your friend. Can we be friendly? Buddy

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:58 am

kimmie, I have no issue with a woman or any person not making the same mistakes. They have to be able to live with themselves. If it is a real change it is real. Just don’t fool yourself, who cares what other people think.

Purple, I appreciate that. Especially the part about not caring what others think!

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:58 am

Reality tells me that it has little bearing on who will and won’t be in a healthy (leaning compatible) long term relationship.

@Luvbug??

so u wont even try to be careful with what u pick just coz smebody else failed or is failing..??? and yet u dont even know what formed the basis of their decisions??

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:01 am

Melo – Thanks for your response.

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:03 am

i look at it this way, the more male-minded women are out there, the more valuable i become.

czBrat – I sometimes want to thank Chilli. Her foolishness makes us non foolish women look like platinum compared to her! :lol:

mark

June 4th, 2010
11:04 am

for the first time in my life, i have taken a lets wait awhile approach after having a bad experience with a female that was not very sanitary if you know what i mean (yuck!) so now i am kinda afraid of the kitty and it is not my main reason for approaching a woman now but rather getting to know the person inside and hoping she is clean !

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:05 am

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:06 am

Mark, what does not very sanitary mean? She did not brush her teeth or something worse?

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:06 am

Ewww @ mark!

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:07 am

mark – Unless you’re picking up somebody directly off of the street, waiting won’t make a difference if they truly don’t have clean habits!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
11:08 am

Mark should have done the navel test Swiss and Melo will teach you more about that…

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:08 am

Purple Rain – Please don’t ask for details!

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:08 am

I see now we’re about to go down that disgusting road! :(

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:09 am

Melo – I do care what I pick. I just don’t waist time trying to make it a rule for somebody else b/c many people I could have tried to advise to not be so loose are NOT in failing relationships but are currently in very successful marriages and long term relationships.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
11:10 am

mark – did she have bubble guts and didn’t get up all the backsplash off her booty do….

Trevor0529

June 4th, 2010
11:11 am

i have taken a lets wait awhile approach after having a bad experience with a female that was not very sanitary if you know what i mean (yuck!)

Mark, that is a nasty chick!!! UGH!!

Good Morning Everybody.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:11 am

Mark, I will not ask anymore questions. LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
11:12 am

Going with what feels right has led to us to where we are today. Broken relationships, lack of commitment, temporary fulfillment, etc.

As a grown person, you have the right to do what you want to do. However, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences of your decisions manifesting in potential heartache.

Is heartache worth it because you allowed yourself to be attached to someone you weren’t supposed to be connected to?

Dopamine (the brain chemical that signals pleasure), is released from a woman during child birth, nursing of a child and orgasm. Those are supposed to be experiences shared in bringing something closer to you. The problem is our dopamine is being shared with every Tom, Dick, Jane or Janet. You have to be careful when you find yourself in relationships you can’t disconnect from. Don’t blame it on the alcohol…don’t blame it on the conversation…blame it on the dopamine :) .

Trevor0529

June 4th, 2010
11:13 am

did she have bubble guts and didn’t get up all the backsplash off her booty do….

Slim, you are going to make lose my appetite.
:shock: :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:15 am

Has anyone sent a evite using their facebook contact list..is there a way to pick and choose who you want to get the evite?

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:15 am

Forgot…I’m usually careful and (oddly) enough the (naive) prude in my group, but that doesn’t mean I believe everyone should be like me or that I represent the best way to be.

Hell, life is as random as it comes. Everything aint for everybody…life aint fair…and I don’t have the formula.

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:16 am

Going with what feels right has led to us to where we are today. Broken relationships, lack of commitment, temporary fulfillment, etc.

I agree.

One of my friends brought up an issue that one of his friends was facing. She wants a baby, and has commissioned a friend to have one with her. A long discussion ensued and folks posted their thoughts on why this was a good idea or a bad one.

My point was that she’s thinking more about herself than the long term effects this could have on her child. We keep watering down everything that nothing has value anymore.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:17 am

@KP sorry are you advocating waiting until the two people get closer..as in develop a bonded relationship..or walk down the aisle to marriage land? Cause either of those can lead to heartache with or without sex.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:19 am

KP – I also believe that when you’re raised right, when you KNOW what’s right, what feels right will BE right, and that can go for everything in life, not just intimacy.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:21 am

Know yourself and know your partner. How ever long that takes do what is right for you.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:22 am

Some people do not care, they just want to cum. Sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don’t. I would imagine that lifestyle get’s lonely once you get older and your goods start sagging or belly hanging. No money in savings because you had to party all the time and still stuck in a dead end job trying to take care of the crib midgets and sex trophies. At some point they have to think if it was all worth it.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:24 am

Why would a man want to spread his seed all over the place and destroy his family name by being loose? The only guys who think that is cool really are not cool guys.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
11:25 am

I am starting to think to much. Where is my horse. LOL :)

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:26 am

I would imagine that lifestyle get’s lonely once you get older

The thing is, that so many folks buy into the “shortage” of eligible men that even when the lifestyle gets old there’s someone out there willing to be with that guy. *sigh*

I heard this letter on the radio from an ex con who not only had a wife, and but a mistress too who had a baby by him. When the mistress found out he was married, she left him. He was asking advice on how to get the MISTRESS back! The wife still wanted to be with him and work it out. :roll: :arrow:

Melo

June 4th, 2010
11:28 am

many people I could have tried to advise to not be so loose are NOT in failing relationships but are currently in very successful marriages and long term relationships.

@Luvbug??

but there are a cpple of things wrong with ur insight

1) its not about them,but about u and ur self worth. Dont measure what u can do based on that small sample of pple u know

2) u really dont know the inside of those relationships,how smart the men(u dont know) were in making their decisions and if that may come back to bite them.

3) success(for those cpples) can be very fleeting,now u see it now u dont.

4) u cant decide to be a bad girl now then want to be a good later simply coz smebody else is a good girl turned good. Their fate and urs are not aligned.

Two words for the day since we dont have our daily Three yet:

BE YOU! :lol:

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
11:29 am

@Kym…I’m simply exposing information. My personal position is to wait, but want to provide others with information to make better decisions.

@kimmie…I agree, but unfortunately that isn’t the norm of our current environment. A lot of people believe they were raised right, but make decisions that don’t necessarily align with that train of thought. If you don’t know any better, you believe you are the norm and make good decisions. Wrong answer!

Most everyone you have slept with in the past ‘felt’ right in the moment. That’s a copout answer. Would you have had sex with EVERY person you’ve been with in past if you knew then what you know now about them? Just a point to ponder…

To be open…my personal answer is NO! I slept with a lot of women because they looked good to me, not because they were good for me. Or because I simply wanted to conquer the challenge.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
11:31 am

bad girl turned good..sorry!

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:32 am

KP, while that sounds good, you can’t go thru life second guessing yourself forever. Nothing is guaranteed and in knowing that there can be that second thought even if just lingering way in the back of your mind. So going with what feels right is all we have. Our intuition in many cases does not lead us wrong. Sometimes we go over what we feel is right to go with what looks good and make a bad choice but for the most part what feels right is usually the way to go.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:33 am

@KP so did you marry the woman you were dating?

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:34 am

Melo – I’m not loose and have never been. My self worth is evident to anybody who has ever dated me. I just don’t waist time touting it all over the place. My insight is simply that I respect myself and that I don’t waist time judging others because I don’t have the answer to everything in life. I do what I want does not mean I do anything anyone suggest.

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
11:35 am

@Raqi…many times your heart will lead you wrong.

@Kym…Nope!

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:36 am

Seems to me that we should be grateful for those choices good and bad. I wouldnt be me today if it was not for what I learned in the past. I have said it once before..”I wouldn’t trade nothing for my journey” It is through mistakes, misteps..and mishap..that we get to the place where we should be.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
11:38 am

@Luvbug??

nobody is judging…but we expousing what we selfishly think wld be good for us,individually,or wld be better.

I am just suggesting that u cannot look at another cpple with prior bad experience but now in a loving relationship and assume that current bad experiences dont have any bearing on the future,based on what u observe.

Not suggesting anything personal about u.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
11:40 am

It is through mistakes, misteps..and mishap..that we get to the place where we should be.

Real talk right there…

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:41 am

KP, but intuition is not from the heart. It’s from a deeper place and following it seldom lead you wrong. I have done many things that I felt were not the right thing to do. My heart loved that person or thing but my intuition told me it was not right. That feeling of it not being right was there but I went with what I loved. I made the wrong choice over what felt right.

DJ Sniper

June 4th, 2010
11:43 am

When I was single, I had no problem with a woman wanting to wait a while before getting physical. Taking your time to get to know someone is cool, but I’ll be honest: celibate women were not on my radar at all. I actually only ran across one woman in all my dating experiences who was celibate. Darn shame, because there was a mutual attraction, and we vibed very well on our one and only date. She called me up later that evening and we talked and she told me about her celibate state. I did give it some thought, but I knew I wouldn’t be happy with a woman that wasn’t going to have sex until marriage. She was cool with that, and we ended up being good friends.

Me and my wife waited a couple of months or so before having sex. I’ve never been the one to look at a woman crazy for having sex early on. I’ve been in a couple of relationships where we had sex on the first night. Those relationships obviously didn’t work out, but I can tell you that having sex on the first night was not one of the reasons.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:45 am

Raqi – I agree with your 11:32 response to KP. I’ms not going to second-guess how I was raised or what I have learned to be right. That “what feels right” is my conscious, God, my intuition. I’m not being led by my hormones or what the crowd or my peers are doing, but what my conscious is telling me. Whenever I decided to dismiss that gut feeling and go with “the flow”, THAT’S when I’ve gotten in trouble. And 9 times out of 10, I KNEW BETTER!

Yes, I agree that’s not the case with a lot of people when they make bad decisions. A lot don’t know better or were not raised better, but a lot make decisions based on other riding factors, with other influences such as peer pressure, alcohol, drugs, other motives, etc.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:47 am

That feeling of it not being right was there but I went with what I loved. I made the wrong choice over what felt right.

Raqi – You said what I was trying to say, with much fewer words!

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:47 am

Kimmie, I agree with you about being raised a certain way. That always make for a good start and core foundation. But our parents knew that we all have to live our lives and make out mistakes. There were times when I did not understand or want to accept what my parents taught me, but after going thru something I fully understood after the fact. It sometimes takes that. Some stuff we go thru build our character. It teaches us to be the best we can be. What don’t kill you should make you stronger.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:49 am

I wouldnt be me today if it was not for what I learned in the past. I have said it once before..”I wouldn’t trade nothing for my journey”

Kym – Me either, agreed!

SexyCool13

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

Glad it’s the weekend.

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

Melo – I’m not suggesting that. I’m suggesting that whatever people do, you (I at least) cannot formulate how it is going to turn out based on some rules that are usually contradicted by life. I’m suggesting that because I know that life is random, I do what I feel is appropriate for me and leave the rest by the way side.

I’m not measuring. I don’t believe there is a formula and feel that I am in no place to attempt to guide other people who appear to be doing just fine without my guidance.

No matter the examples…my coupled friends or other couples, the rules just don’t add up.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

But our parents knew that we all have to live our lives and make our mistakes.

Raqi – Amen

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:51 am

That “what feels right” is my conscious, God, my intuition. I’m not being led by my hormones or what the crowd or my peers are doing, but what my conscious is telling me. Whenever I decided to dismiss that gut feeling and go with “the flow”, THAT’S when I’ve gotten in trouble. And 9 times out of 10, I KNEW BETTER!

Girl preach!

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
11:51 am

@Raqi…I can respect your point. Answer this for me, how many women operate from your position of intuition (I call it discernment) when making relationship/intimacy decisions? A lot operate by way of the heart and emotions which often lead to that dreaded brick wall down the road.

A lot of men make decisions based on their minds…even knowing that what they’re doing is wrong.

This makes for a potential train wreck when men are operating with their minds and women are operating with their hearts. I’m not a huge fan of the book, but that’s why Steve Harvey’s book was soooooo popular. It attempted to bridge the gap between men and women.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
11:54 am

@ Kimmie–I agree with your 11:45 and Raqi’s 11:47.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:57 am

@KP dude back up..most women are way more logical than just he made my heart go pitter patter. Even with the pitter patter..we still want to make sure this fellow is someone who will support, love and care..and if dude behaves in that manner and gives the support love and care we need..then the deal is done. Now where and when problems come up that doesn’t mean he nor she were not on the same page when they began the love game.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
11:57 am

I don’t believe there is a formula

@Luvbug??

maybe this horse is dead, i dont know.

I think there is a formula..its just isnt perfect..like everything else in lyfe.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:58 am

KP, a lot. However we live and we learn. Like I said I haven’t always made the right choice and you best believe there will be times to come that I may not make the right choice. However that intuition will act.

Only in a perfect world will every man and woman DO the right thing. That perfect only exist in the after life so until then…

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:59 am

I think there is a formula

Melo – Okay then…that’s obviously the difference. LOL

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:01 pm

Let’s try teaching children the correct path and let adults make adult choices. :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
12:02 pm

@Raqi you beat me to it.. I was going to say.. if I was always making the right decisions..then there would be no need for Grace or Mercy.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:05 pm

“Most everyone you have slept with in the past ‘felt’ right in the moment.”

@KP ~ not sure if this is your remark or you’re actually repeating someone else. However, this statement is not true. I can recall one particular young man I slept with but knew I shouldn’t. We were in a relationship I knew I had no business being in. Lasted a good 7 months before my “right mind” kicked in. Sometimes, we do things for the sheer thrill of it. Mystery and intrique usually gets us in trouble when we don’t follow Raqi’s rationale on “intuition.”

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:10 pm

LOL Kym. I like KP and agree with a lot of his view points but he needs to realize he is not talking to 16 year olds in here today. We have strong minds and will now despite the errors we made in the past.

As for his topic, waiting to get to know a person is good and recommended but who can put a calendar to how long that should be. And even when you think you know a person well they can fool you.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:13 pm

And, a lot more women operate with their intuition than you give them credit for.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
12:20 pm

luv your 11:21 Raqi. very succint. and ditto on Kym’s 11:57.

She wants a baby, and has commissioned a friend to have one with her ARed, i thought that stuff only happened on tv? :shock:

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
12:26 pm

did i scare everyone off?

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:29 pm

Bored a little bit. :)

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:30 pm

@Leggs…Sorry I didn’t mean to imply ‘ALL’. I know there are some instances where people know they’re doing something they’re not supposed to. Thx for sharing your example!

@Raqi…I know ya’ll are grown. I’ve been participating and lurking for a couple of years now. I know most of the personalities on here which is why I love it :) . I usually lurk because I end up causing a ruckus because of my views. However, today is the official public debate day…LOL.

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:32 pm

@Kym…I never implied anyone has to be perfect. Like me or not…I always make people think which has benefits. Never live in the past, but make better future decisions based on past lessons. That’s all I’m trying to communicate at the end of the day.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:36 pm

LOL Leggs. Yeah only if he knew the number of times I wanted to jump my husband bone’s way back when before we were actually together but resisted doing so because it was not the right thing to do. I have told you all before that he and I actually had sex before our first “official standardized” date. But it was after a year of us interacting and getting to know each other. Seeing each other at least two times a week.

And even with Whitebread when he would come by to see his son there were times that I would have been with him had I not done what I knew was right. And that was not to be with him. Now when we were together that year and a half I totally ignored what I knew was right. I made a bad choice to do the wrong thing.

And yep, I never had sex with Randy because it didn’t feel right any of the times we went out.

So yeah when it doesn’t feel right we know to do the opposite.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:37 pm

KP, I like you and most of your views and know you have been here a while. So stop acting like we all brand new. LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:41 pm

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:51 pm

@KP ~ our resident relationship expert for the moment.

Not sure if you know about me and the caller that dialed the wrong number. Well, he called last night asking mundane questions. Before asking him the 2nd time to remove my number I had to ask this question: “why is he seeking to know other women outside his relationship?” He was surprised and started stuttering saying if he offended me he’s sorry, but he sees nothing wrong with making new friends. Told him I saw no reason for him to make new friends with another woman. He actually was surprised that I felt this way and asked if I was in a relationship does that mean I wouldn’t seek the friendship of a man. I told him he was right, I wouldn’t. I see no reason for me to give my number to another man while I’m involved with someone just to acquire another friend. Told him that’s really how you acquire TROUBLE. He said he would remove my number. OH WELL, ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST…..

Professor

June 4th, 2010
12:54 pm

Leggs~ did it again! Got’em

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:54 pm

@Leggs…GREAT move! Wish more people had the courage to do the same thing.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
12:56 pm

Got two free doughnuts!!! Thank you Krispy Kreme!!

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
12:57 pm

I apparently have a FB stalker now….. :shock:

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
12:58 pm

Kym, you’ve been thinking about dem doughnuts all morning i see. LOL!

Melo

June 4th, 2010
12:58 pm

so whats the conclusion now??

Grown folks who smelled the coffee already: Do ur daamn thang!??

Younger ones with no priors: wait a lil while?

Did I paraphrase the gist of it OK???

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:59 pm

SlimOne, I am not a stalker :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:01 pm

@Slim..yes I was..Sugar coma to begin in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

Professor

June 4th, 2010
1:03 pm

Melo I don’t have a summary…

I need some lernch…

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:04 pm

Professor, what are you eating for lunch?

Professor

June 4th, 2010
1:07 pm

Purple I wish I knew. I don’t have a taste for anything, but my tummy wants some food. I will probably eat a salad

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:08 pm

Alright topic change cards can be played..but the following card will be burned…Oil Spill..its out there..we get it..work on it..done

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:13 pm

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:14 pm

Here I want to share a paragraph related to the topic I think that I just read in an opinon piece on CNN..

Although men are more likely to instigate a divorce when they have another partner in sight, women are more likely to say they just couldn’t stand to be with this partner any more, which jibes with the research showing that women are physiologically and emotionally more sensitive to the negative effects of an unsatisfying relationship.

The rise in divorce rates for older people, which is occurring in Great Britain, Canada and Japan, as well as the United States, results from the confluence of two new trends. The first is that we expect more from marriage than in the past. It’s no longer enough for the other partner to be a good provider or a good housekeeper. We want marriage to include friendship, sexual satisfaction and an interesting give-and-take between equals. The second is that if a marriage ceases to meet their needs, older people have many more alternatives than they used to.

I thought it was a interesting thought..

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
1:16 pm

Definitely too much to catch up on but it looks like a good one.

@Kym- Was the HOT sign on?

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
1:16 pm

blog bullies ain’t a pretty show

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:18 pm

@Dig That..nooo but that’s okay..and you could get any kind of doughnut you wanted freeeeee…

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:20 pm

@Kp ~ I apologize, I didn’t form that into a question for you (was rushing to get to cafe). From your observations, why is it some men see nothing wrong with calling a woman “attempting” to form a friendship? Do they really deem us that gullible?

For Real (My zipper is half way down)

June 4th, 2010
1:23 pm

On Topic: KP, KP, KP, KP….. “Lets Wait” is good for kids and young adults but if you are chick and you are over the age of 25 and you still talking about “Lets Wait” then that’s sure indicator that you have piss poor decision making skills and you should wait until get help in dealing with your lack of decision making ability.

Now, as for KP and his inner most desire to understand women. Listen up, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVA UNDERSTAND WOMEN!!!! Relationships have and will continue to fail for the following reason:

1. Sex or lack thereof
2. Money or the lack thereof
3. Poor decisions

It ain’t rocket science KP but if you think the key to long lasting relationship lies with women you are dead azz wrong. The is the man. Be the Man you are and no matter what chick you are dealing they will fall in line. PERIOD!!!

For Real is now dropping his mic, fondling Slim itties, hunch Kimmie’s booty and lick Ared’s forehead all while with his zipper all the way down.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:24 pm

what’s poppin’ crew catching up….

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:26 pm

@KP ~ it’s not even “courage.” It’s more “respect.” You’ve already told me you’re involved and if I continue to talk to you, I’ve given my nonverbal cue that we can see where this goes. I respect me, you respect me and there will be no shyt to hit the fan! That’s how I see it.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:26 pm

I met this little girlie, her hair was kinda curly
Went to her house and bust her out, I had to leave real early
These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is please me
Or spend some time and rock a rhyme, I said “It’s not that easy”

It’s Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time
It’s Tricky…(How is it D?) It’s Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Trrrrrricky)
It’s Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time
It’s Tricky…Tricky (Tricky) Tricky

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:28 pm

I knew this girl named nikki

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:28 pm

where are the afternoon funnies…..lol

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
1:28 pm

‘For Real is now dropping his mic, fondling Slim itties’

For Real – babe you need to come down a little lower…those are my ear lobes lol

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:29 pm

I guess you could say she was a sex fiend

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:29 pm

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:29 pm

LMAO@ Purple Rain..no you didn’t break out Run DMC…LOL

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:29 pm

I met her in a hotel lobby

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:30 pm

Masterbating with a magazine

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:30 pm

She said, “how’d you like to waste some time?”

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:31 pm

and I could not resist when I say little nikki grind

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
1:31 pm

Kym, topic change???
Well two of my best girlfriend’s and I are loading up the bambinos and driving to the Mall of Georgia tomorrow. While there I am going to go to the Apple Store and check out the iPad. I have been wanting to get to Perimeter but haven’t gotten around to it so I will check it out tomorrow. Someone made a suggestion to it being a good Father’s Day gift.

With Macy’s, The Childrens’ Place, Norstrom, Dillards, Penny’s, Belks, Eddie Bauer, Ann Taylor, Gymboree, Banana Republic, Old Navy, NineWest, Brookstone, Pottery Barn, Victoria Secret, Coach…yeah we gone be there all day. LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
1:32 pm

@For Real…Where have you been? I’ve been waiting on your input…LOL.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:34 pm

Ironically, listening to Lauren Hill’s “That Thing…girls you know you better watch out….that thing, that thing, that thing….

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:34 pm

I need to borrow some kids for a week or two. See how that works out. May plan on some in a few years or so.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
1:35 pm

We want marriage to include friendship, sexual satisfaction and an interesting give-and-take between equals.

Okay, it may be just me but what good is a marriage without those things? Yes providing and keeping house are very important but those other things are just as important.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:35 pm

…”A fine cigar is like a fine woman. They come in all shapes & sizes. Treat them tenderly & lovingly. Caress their skin, admire their beauty, fondle them with reverence. Bring them slowly to your lips, enjoy their flavor, their aroma. Contemplate their essence, their dependability & forgive them their weaknesses – if there be any.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
1:36 pm

PRain – I was just listening to your Purple Rain CD last night and this morning. My name is Nikki, have we met? :mrgreen:

@Lady J (afternoon funnies)

The economy is so bad that:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:37 pm

@Raqi that stuck out with me to..here is the whole opinion piece..

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/06/04/coontz.gore.marriage/index.html?hpt=C2

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
1:38 pm

Leggs, I firmly believe that married couples should not be “friending” the opposite sex. Friends that were there prior to the union are welcomed to stay but seeking out and making new friends of the opposite sex after the fact is not cool at all.

A married man or woman has no business “hanging out” alone with the opposite sex in the faux name of being just friends. Especially newly formed friendships.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
1:38 pm

We want marriage to include friendship, sexual satisfaction and an interesting give-and-take between equals.

That reminds me of last nite….

No we didnt have sex sex…just the Bill Clinton!

Daamn that felt good, after that Boston loss! :lol:

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:38 pm

lmbao Slim honey keep them coming! LOL

ummmm Purple Rain I will lend my 4yr old!~lol

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
1:38 pm

I need to borrow some kids for a week or two. See how that works out.

@Purple- That is one way to make sure you never have any.

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
1:39 pm

Funnies cont’d

The economy is so bad that:

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally…

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!

@lady j – I tried…lol

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
1:39 pm

<—Hugging LadyJ

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:39 pm

Lady J, that is from Prince Sined Yar Maharg. Here is the part you left off “Revel in the rituals, their simplicity and their enduring meanings. Do these things, my son, and the blessings of life shall always be upon you.”

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:40 pm

Purple Rain..you can borrow today for the low low.. one teenager..one tween..one elementary schooler, one preschooler, and a one year-old. I will throw in the dog for free.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:41 pm

Dig That, :)

SlimOne, hello Nikki. LOL

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:43 pm

Kym, I have dogs already. LOL

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:43 pm

hugging you back dig that!

slim you are a live wire riot lmbao!!!!

ok purple rain! lol you and prince! lol

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:45 pm

Okay well then the kids are yours..where you want me to drop them off??

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:46 pm

Kym, your eagerness is causing me to have reservations. LOL :)

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
1:46 pm

Lady J & PRain – PRain is Prince formerly known as Prince. LMAO!!!!!!

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:47 pm

LOLOLOL slim lol I like carlito better! LOL

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
1:50 pm

…the two simply grew apart. It leads couples to wonder: “Could this happen to us?” and “Could it already be happening to us?”

Okay stop right there. If there is no this “friendship, sexual satisfaction and an interesting give-and-take between equals” then yeah it more than likely could happen to us.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:51 pm

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:52 pm

I feel like doing something wild tonight, I feel it brewing.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:52 pm

Panty Juice Time :)

SexyCool13

June 4th, 2010
1:52 pm

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:53 pm

LOL @ Purple Rain..they are not that bad..(I wonder if he sense that lie) anywhoo..you don’t know what you are missing..the joys of broken furniture..and sticky counters cause someone made pb and j and didnt clean up, or spilling soap bubbles all over the floor..or my favorite..aiming the showerhead at the sink..just to see if the water will go..or finding your underwear chewed up..these..these joys are priceless.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:53 pm

Dagnabit LadyJ ~ you had my mind wandering with your 1:35. Worth reading again.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:54 pm

@Raqi,..yeah the older folks took the Gore breakup hard..seriously 40 years is a long time to just call it quits.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:55 pm

yep it is leggs….lol copy and paste to and save! lol

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:56 pm

Kym, I will pass :)

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
1:56 pm

Random Thoughts:

Bad decisions make good stories

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die

How the hayo are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
1:57 pm

40 years is a long time to just call it quits.

I wonder what is so bad after 40 years that it comes to that.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:59 pm

Leggs, Lady J, You two should read his writings they are nice.

“A fine cigar is like a fine woman. They come in all shapes and sizes. Treat them tenderly and lovingly. Caress their skin, admire their beauty, fondle them with reverence. Bring them slowly to your lips, enjoy their flavor, their aroma. Contemplate their essence, their dependability, and forgive them their weaknesses — if there be any. Revel in the rituals, their simplicity and their enduring meanings. Do these things, my son, and the blessings of life shall always be upon you.” — From the writings of Prince Sined Yar Maharg.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:59 pm

“There are five things, above all else, that make life worth living: a good relationship with God, a good woman, good health, good friends, and a good cigar.” — From the writings of Prince Sined Yar Maharg.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:01 pm

LMBAO @ YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:02 pm

@Dig they said they grew apart..he is off saving the world from global warming..Tip is just walking around the house..I guess..who knows. But like the lady said..stop working so hard on the marriage and start maybe playing more.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:04 pm

One woman called in to a radio show I was on and said plaintively, “I thought I could count on my marriage after 22 years. You mean we have to keep working at this for the rest of our lives?”

22 years is not a long time especially when you marry in your 20s. At 45 and 50 you are still young and vibrant. The blood is still running quite lively thru your veins. It’s not time to retire yet so you have to stay on the job I would think. My mom was 62 when she passed and before then she and my dad were still a very lively couple. Traveling and enjoying the time they had together as empty nesters. Still holding hands and being “cute” with each other.

I love when I see older couples out still loving to be with each other, holding hands and smiling. The only reason you grow apart is you want to. You stop wanting to be with that person.

My friend Doc and her husband have been together for over 20 years and if you didn’t know them you would think they just got married. They went thru a rough patch but found their way back 16 or so years ago.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
2:04 pm

@Purple Rain ~ having money along with those five help to make life beautiful!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:06 pm

…stepping in.

@Slim when you figure out how to fold those fitted sheets please help me with mine. As for my computer I don’t have anything on mine but I say burn it just in case :wink:

@Purple you song Darlin’ Nikki now we want to hear Little Red Corvette..

Hey Lady J!!!

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:07 pm

Hey Professor!!!!!

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:07 pm

Leggs, with those 5 things money is not an issue. IMO I just don’t worry about money(not the key to happiness lol), money is going to come. :)

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:09 pm

Kym and DigThat, that growing apart thing is something you have to stay mindful of. My friend that I just posted about in that last comment told me that she and her husband learned to make each other their priority. Some people say the kids should be the priority but like she said dealing with those damn kids will make you forget about your partner, his/her needs and your marriage. The kids are to be dealt with as needed but they are going to soon be out of the house. Make you partner your priority, the one you are going to be with until death do you part and you two deal with the kids together.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:09 pm

@Purple Rain..here here..on that money thang..I am sooooooo getting sleepy.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:10 pm

I guess I should have known

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
2:10 pm

@PRain ~ money definitely is not the key to happiness but definitely would replace it with #5 on your list.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:10 pm

I’ve had some couples that have been married 30 plus years tell me that marriage is boring and you get tired of it. I think some folks just get tired of jumping through hoops to make it work. Others have that staying power while some don’t.

I think if you have a partner that wants to make it work and you have the same mindset y’all are good.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:10 pm

By the way you parked your car

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:11 pm

sideways that it wouldn’t last…

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:11 pm

sideways, that it wouldn’t last

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:11 pm

See you are the kind of person

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
2:12 pm

Professor – the best way to fold a fitted sheet is to ball it up and throw it in the back of the linen closet. LOL!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:12 pm

that believes in

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:12 pm

@Slim that is what I do! :grin:

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:13 pm

making out once, Love them and leave them fast

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:14 pm

Kym, that’s why there are certain type of guys that I was never drawn to. I like men that are homebodies. Like to be home. I never wanted to be with soldier, an athlete, a policitian, a traveling “salesman”, or anyone like that. Spending all that time apart and not much time together will make you take on other interest outside of your mate.

That’s why it so important to be friends with your mate. I can see how easy one can feel being “stuck” in a marriage when the two are not friends and doing things together. While you don’t need to be joined at the hip you do need to be together.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:14 pm

lol @ the sheets! lol

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:14 pm

I guess I must be dumb,
because you had a pocket full of horses
Trojans and some of them used.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:18 pm

Sing it Purple… :grin:

Professor

June 4th, 2010
2:18 pm

Enter your comments here

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:19 pm

I need to teach you ladies how to fold fitted sheets. LOL

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
2:19 pm

I think if you have a partner that wants to make it work and you have the same mindset y’all are good.

Agree!!

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
2:20 pm

Blog Monster ate my post

PRain – I was saying how it seems you mess with a lot of wh0res. First it was Nikki getting her rub on in a hotel lobby, which I find it strange no one else seemed to notice or cared. THEN you meet this Corvette chick driving around with used rubbers in her pocket…Her name didn’t happen to be Monica was it? LOL

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:21 pm

shhhhh purple rain! lmao!

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:21 pm

SLIM LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:24 pm

LMAO@ Slim…

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:24 pm

SlimOne, such is Purple Life.

“All of my Purple life…………….”

I’m on a horse.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
2:26 pm

LOL, it would take a SlimPhatty to notice that!

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:26 pm

@Raqi I like a man who is a mixture of both..I like going out to festivals and museums and plays..but I have my home-bound moments too.

SexyCool13

June 4th, 2010
2:27 pm

For Real – that 123p – chuuuuuuch!

Melo

June 4th, 2010
2:29 pm

The only reason you grow apart is you want to. You stop wanting to be with that person.

and that is a perfectly legitimate reason as well to leave ur current..u have groen apart.

Couples relate to the current social, poltical and environmental demands demands differently.. and if she/he aint stepping with u to the tunes of the new millenium,guess what….another heiiffer woman may taker her place.

Some people say the kids should be the priority……..dealing with those damn kids will make you forget about your partner,

The funny and irony part of it is this,when a man steps and the kids are still young,the women will say,”he was so selfish,never taking the kids into consideration” but here u are,relegating my desire to the kids.

Men cannot win!

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:31 pm

Kym, when I say homebodies or like being at home I don’t mean never wanting to go out and do things or travel together. We have got to be doing something. LOL

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
2:32 pm

I gather we ain’t waiting no more since prince is in the house…we all now how sex crazed he was…well lyrically he was

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:32 pm

On another sad note..Elizabeth Edwards is not getting any better.. according to one news report she doesn’t want John to get the younger kids when she dies in fear he will raise them with the mistress. That right there was just straight foolishness!

NLT

June 4th, 2010
2:34 pm

Another great post KP!

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:34 pm

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:35 pm

:eyerolling:

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:37 pm

Kym, she is being selfish. I understand her hurt but he is their father. Her hurt and selfishness is going to hurt her kids. If and when they lose their mother why make them lose their father also.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:37 pm

She wore a rasberry beret

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:37 pm

I Am, why are you pouting and rolling your eyes? lol

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
2:38 pm

It’s me…lurker, I read somewhere that Prince was a little freakazoid in his time. He is a little man but he did big things. LOL

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
2:39 pm

Kym, I am sleepy as well.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:42 pm

me too…need a nap….lol won’t happen though…lol

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
2:45 pm

@Leggs…in response to your question from earlier…

“Why is it some men see nothing wrong with calling a woman “attempting” to form a friendship? Do they really deem us that gullible?”

Because ’some’ men are into keeping backup plans. If you are open to allowing an involved man to keep you in the wing as a potential sidekick, then half of his work is done! His attention is obviously divided if he’s pursuing outside interests in the midst of a committed relationship.

And YES…there are BOTH men and women gullible and willing enough to stay within arms reach of temptation. He/she may be strong enough to maintain boundaries. However, why play with fire? I’m just saying!

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
2:46 pm

Prince was a little freakazoid in his time. He is a little man but he did big things. LOL

I know right…I’ll be ya freakazoid c’mon and wind me up…that song popped in my head after reading your post

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
2:47 pm

@Raqi..I know she is hurt..they are divorcing after what like 30 plus years oldest daughter is almost 30..she wants her to raise the two youngest ones.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
2:47 pm

@KP (www.chatkafeonline.com) as always great blog entry today!!!! :)

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:51 pm

just mad at dude……he called…..

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:52 pm

going back to iggin him…that works best.
This time not answering my phone.
I basically told him to kick rocks too.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
2:52 pm

I agree wholeheartedly with you, KP.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
2:54 pm

Ok, I’ll bite:

@I am ~ if you were igging him from jumpstreet, why you answer the phone? Did your pulse quicken when you saw his name. Seriously, why didn’t you ignore his call?

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:57 pm

Leggs, no my pulse did not quicken.

I just wanted to see what he wanted since he left Voicemail.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
2:59 pm

he wanted stuff back, and I was like what stuff?
so he told me about 2 items that aren’t worth a dime.
I was irritated with him and to make a long story short, I basically said that when I’m free at such and stuff time to give you back your stuff and if you aren’t there at that time, I will assume you don’t want.
I told him that he is no longer a priority.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:00 pm

going to a meeting…. be back…or maybe not…depends….

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
3:00 pm

It’s me…lurker, you know I was supposed to marry Prince…but then I grew up. LOL

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:02 pm

But, out of everything that has taken place, could he really have wanted anything important enough. See, now you’re rolling your eyes wishing you hadn’t answered. Oh well, it happens to the best of us. There will be small crevices, deep crevices, shallow crevices and dark crevices you must climb through before emerging on the other side of thru!

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:03 pm

@I am ???

I will tell u this,after feeling how it felt so good last nite..i cant,wont and will never blame u for looking back on that good good……coz sometimes..oooghh,it hurts so bad.

When u were used to that good, oily throbbing,rolling and turning and churning on ur inside,like a car drive shaft,hugging the very last stretched,pinkish red lining of ur nana…ooooooogh, the edge burns u like no other mfkkccer!.

If u fall,I am,i got ur back! :lol: :lol:

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
3:07 pm

Alright rain..I have things to do this evening..

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:07 pm

And bet he didn’t even care about those 2 items, just wanted to see if his big black toe is still keeping the door ajar…

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:10 pm

Raqi, you didn’t throw your panties on the stage did you?

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:12 pm

I was so virginal (is that a word)..LOL I wouldn’t listen to him back then. Too much for my then virgin ears…LOL I was scurred.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:12 pm

Oh well, it happens to the best of us

@Leggs??

I know uall front too but we can pretty much tell when we have done some good coochie and mental damage!

:lol: :lol:

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:13 pm

Well I Am, if you get some this weekend, get it good. May as make it worth your hump/romp. Don’t come on here Monday having fresh withdrawals…K? All in love

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:14 pm

I know uall front too but we can pretty much tell when we have done some good coochie and mental damage!

Melo, you’re right

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:16 pm

I am is gonna get a whoooping, I am is gonna get a whooooping, I am is gonna get a whoooping. He’s gonna beat that cootie cat to death…watch. I’m just kidding ya’ll, bnr…before some says I’m being mean.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
3:18 pm

It’s me…lurker, if I had gone any where near a Prince concert or anything my dad would have beat the brakes off of me. LOL

Professor

June 4th, 2010
3:19 pm

:shock: @ melo 3:03

@I am…damn girl

@Purple…do you know “Conditions of the Heart” Paisly Park CD.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:19 pm

It’s me….lurker ??

i think she needs to get it this time and see if she wants to be on that dizzle or what…..coz if she dont quench that lingering angst,she gon end up under a completely wrong person,making it a worse,if not horrible mistake.

Better the devil u know and like…………………

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:20 pm

@Melo ~ back atcha…we too can tell when you’re feigning for us and we have your nose wide open you can’t see straight. All you can do is smell the nu nu and continue walking dizzily trying to get back to that snatch you so love…

Professor

June 4th, 2010
3:21 pm

@ It’s me now that 3:16 got me LMAO I was not ready for that one. :grin:

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:22 pm

Although I don’t advocate getting under someone to get over someone, Melo, your 3:19 made sense.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
3:26 pm

I am serious rain..I have window film to put up..and all kinds of stuff to do.. I don’t have time for rain..

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:26 pm

Raqi…I think probably all the dads on the block would have taken switches to their girls for listening to prince..LOL

Melo, again I agree.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:27 pm

@Melo ~ back atcha

@Leggs??

I am whatever is simply verbalizing what uall go thru everyday,silently ofcourse!

Ofcourse if she takes it,the guy is gon assume wrong and put himself on a pedestal..if she dont take it, she gets extra dry………

I say vote that she gets it In,then steps away, :arrow: leaving the guy pining for repeats that may never come…….

Now..thats a WIN WIN……..

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:28 pm

Professor – Just the way she’s acting it took me back some years…LOL

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:32 pm

Melo, your 3:19 made sense

@Leggs??

thats the power of my Debauchery persuasion! :lol:

Im sure now u believe me when i say that ive put a lot of women under my amnesia spell,breaking their 5 months no SEX rules….

‘ I DONT NORMALLY DO THIS” :lol:

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:32 pm

@Melo ~ no one goes through that mess everyday!!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
3:33 pm

Now that was some funny ish I was not expecting it. Lurker, that was funny

@Melo do you think he will give her some or just tease her a little and keep it moving. As a woman when I have a man like that I wouldn’t give him any I would just make him pant like a dog. Think about it the relationship is over why should I let you taste the honey pot

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
3:37 pm

Melo, some of you assessment is on point but really, we don’t go throught that everyday. Heck no. You move through a phase when first parting ways with a SO but after that you K I M. You deal with it and move on. I’ll even venture to say you might want to revert back to what you commonly know but once you’ve moved on you stay in that frame of mind and hold to it.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
3:43 pm

For me the first week or two is the hardest. Once I start hanging with my friends doing somethings I fall into a pattern. Not to mention I feel stronger each day. Now I’ve never been married and do not have children so maybe if you experience that it may take longer.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:44 pm

As a woman when I have a man like that I wouldn’t give him any I would just make him pant like a dog.

@Proff??

it depends on why they broke up.

If the assumption is that he is reaching out to her but I am is also harboring feelings,they may have broken up over ish with no real sense but ego…which to me is mature to work it out..angst not withstanding.

However,if the break up was over real substantive stuff, yeah I am has a right to stand her ground,or get the cootie watered temporarily but be gangsta enough to close it the moment he wants more..unless the issues are resolved.

Now opening and stepping is a gangsta move that not many females, even on here MIA, can pull off coz if the man is good with the Anaconda,..daaamn ur mind will get messed up too..u know…

Thats a play not to be tried by amatuers.!!

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:47 pm

Melo: at your 3:36 something:

Is sex the only thing you ever think about?

Seriously, you annoy me

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
3:47 pm

yawn i didn’t mean to clos my eyes…..ok time to get ready…lol

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
3:48 pm

meant close geesh!

leggs!!!!!! lol

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
3:49 pm

It’s harder getting over relationships when a child is involved. Having that child around every day makes you remember that person. And then you have to see them when he/she comes to take the child for visits.

Out of sight, out of mind goes out the window when you share a child.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:51 pm

Melo: I meant all of your posts from 3:00 up to now

It’s me lurker or whatever: no I don’t want him like that or in any fashion so wipe the drool from your mouth, no I will not be getting or giving any.

And to state a fact: I’m not interested in meeting anyone knew right now.
I just want to be left alone for a moment, I am seriously annoyed and I don’t want to be the angry black woman for someone else that may not deserve that type of treatment.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:53 pm

Raqi, my ex did not father my son.

When I broke off things with my son’s father it was not hard at all.
The only thing that annoys me is when my son asks for his dad when I’m doing something he doesn’t like but from what I’ve heard, children still do that if the parent are married.
I am very very grateful that my son’s father is actively involved in our son’s life. Not too many single parents can say the same.

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
3:54 pm

just wanted to see if his big black toe is still keeping the door ajar…

LOL

Melo

June 4th, 2010
3:55 pm

Is sex the only thing you ever think about?

@I am..i wld say 65% of my brain has that,…u about right!

and I agree with u 100%,its annoying to hear of sexx when u aint getting any! :lol:

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
3:56 pm

@I am ~ have to give you props for recognizing.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:56 pm

dude isn’t trying to keep door ajar.
He’s moving out of state in a few months. He would be stupid to try.
It ain’t gonna happen.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:57 pm

Melo, it’s only annoying when it comes from you.
If I want some now, I could go get it.
Not a problem, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
3:59 pm

hey are we still on for tonight and where do I find this place?
Carlito …er Purple rain, are you rolling?

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:01 pm

yes I Am chk ur email the place is Cafe Xirca and you have my # honey :)

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:01 pm

CAFE CIRCA!!!!

I swear!

Trevor0529

June 4th, 2010
4:01 pm

I am,

here is the website for Cafe Circa.

http://www.cafecircaatl.com/

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:01 pm

so you coming???

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:02 pm

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:03 pm

tomorrow I AM Stone Mountain Park bring your son its kids friendly Leggs, Professor,and CzBrat will be there and my clan lol the SOS Band too

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:04 pm

but seriously chk ur email we just sent ya something

Melo

June 4th, 2010
4:05 pm

Melo, it’s only annoying when it comes from you.

@Iam..thats okay!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:08 pm

I believe having a child, or being married makes it harder. I believe Erykah Badu said she cried every night after she put her son to bed due to her break up with Andre 3000

@Melo I agree depending on the reason for the breakup. Usually if it is the ego and the love is strong enough someone will make a move.

@Lady J~ WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! IN MY SCHOOL DAZE VOICE.

@I am…don’t forget it is freaky friday so melo might be getting his booty talkin on

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
4:08 pm

@I am ~ most of them try, stupid or not. Whether it happens or not doesn’t prevent them from trying.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:09 pm

LMBAO Pofessor!!!!!!! I am trying! yawn! LOL

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:18 pm

Lady J you forgot the disclaimer on that 4:03

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:21 pm

“…I believe having a child, or being married makes it harder. I believe Erykah Badu said she cried every night after she put her son to bed due to her break up with Andre 3000….”

That was not the case with me.
I cried until I told him it is over. For the past 2 years, I have never been happier.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:23 pm

what disclaimer all errors take in love lol

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:23 pm

Lady J, i’ll see if I can bring little dude tomorrow.
Not sure though because I want him to get his pictures taken
Also, need to make sure that the event is suitable for a 2 year old that thinks he’s 5.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:23 pm

@I am~ You are one tough cookie. I was thinking the connection with the child would make it difficult. I guess when it is time to go it is time to go.

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
4:27 pm

I AM…you’re going to be okay

free to be (F2B)

June 4th, 2010
4:28 pm

hey you guys!!!:))

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:31 pm

@Lady J you left off MR LURKER YEAHHHHHHHHHHH :grin: :wink: The blog ladies will share our picnic with him if he promise to say YEAH, but that’s only if he says YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :grin:

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:33 pm

Hey Free 2 Be! :grin:

free to be (F2B)

June 4th, 2010
4:37 pm

@professor…are you coming to happy hour tonite?

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:43 pm

It will depend on the weather, but I will try to make it…that menu really encouraged me to make it happen. The weather over here is really bad right now, though…hopefully it will not last long.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:44 pm

Where is Purple Rain

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:45 pm

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ;) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

f2b see ya in a few honey

Trevor0529

June 4th, 2010
4:46 pm

How will I know the group when I get to Cafe Circa?

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:46 pm

thanks Lurker

Melo: Not for nothin’….it would be cool if you came out

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:47 pm

Trevor: If I’m there before you, I have on a pink top that looks ruffly arond the color and blue jeans.
I have short hair.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:48 pm

typo: around

free to be (F2B)

June 4th, 2010
4:48 pm

oh wow…it’s just cloudy over here. hope the storm passes where you are. i am curious about circa…the menu does have some promising sounding appetizers.:) i’ll make it out to try one.

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:48 pm

typo: collar

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:48 pm

<—–just looking to get my drink on….negative on food

free to be (F2B)

June 4th, 2010
4:50 pm

see you soon lady j!:)

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
4:51 pm

I have on white shorts with black stripes.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
4:51 pm

That’s all…won’t be too hard to find me!

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
4:52 pm

I’ll be walking down the street singing Erykah Badau’s Window Seat….

Professor

June 4th, 2010
4:52 pm

F2B I have some clothes laid out already, plus I want to meet you and I am…

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
4:53 pm

just spoke with CC we are still on folks see ya there or be square! ;)

have a great weekend folks!

don’t let the storm scare ya either! lol

Trevor0529

June 4th, 2010
4:53 pm

Ok. See everybody there.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
4:53 pm

Melo: Not for nothin’….it would be cool if you came out

@I am…

awwwww,now thats some class!

I know I like u for a reason!

yeah the weather is getting phluccked up!

@Trvevor0529…Go get them buddie!

good week-end pple!

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:55 pm

ALOL @ Leggs

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:56 pm

so Melo are you coming?

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
4:57 pm

Enjoy the weekend, everyone!

Never live in the past, but make better future decisions based on past lessons ~ our very own KP (said earlier today)!

Nite!

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:58 pm

I’m Audi 5000

Deuces!

I am whatever you say I am

June 4th, 2010
4:59 pm

My motto:

Focus on the present but don’t shut the door on the past.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
5:00 pm

Some of those doors need to be welded shut!!

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
5:10 pm

Hey, I took a nap :)

No, I won’t be making any advertised blog meet and greets :) If it is at a game, I will. :)