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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Let’s Wait A While – Are You Worth The Wait?

I am excited about getting new voices on the Misadventures in Atlanta blog. Variety is the spice of life! I decided to recruit more people to be featured on our corner of AJC.COM so if you are interested in being part of the Sizzling Summer’s Love Squad blog panel let me know!

Today I asked KP from Chat Kafe (http://www.chatkafeonline.com, http://chatkafe.blogspot.com), a reader and occasional commenter on Misadventures in Atlanta blog to guest blog for me.  If you are not familiar with him, he is a relationship coach.  I know some of you are fans of his and others, not so much.  His perspective is refreshing to me.

Whatever you feel about him, I hope you will welcome him and be open to what he has to say.  We can always agree to disagree but it’s important to listen!

In 1986, Janet Jackson came out with a popular hit titled “Let’s Wait A While” that took the country by storm. The words of the hit song used to epitomize the approach that ‘quality’ women took when dealing with men in dating and relationships. Unfortunately, things have shifted from “Let’s Wait A While” to a “have-to-have it” mentality.

The modern day approach is pretty predictable and standard. Man meets woman. They exchange information. They go out. Man taps into the mind of the woman. Proper mind tapping results in an open heart and open body experience. It’s usually that easy. Tupac stated it best in his song “I Get Around” when he said, “I don’t want it if that’s easy!” This can be better translated as “I won’t want YOU if it’s that easy!”

Now there is nothing wrong with the above formula as long as it’s with the person you are destined to spend your life with. However, the above equation has gone from a Hollywood fairytale experience, to a merry-go-round experience with the flavor of the week. Would you share your retirement account with someone who isn’t vested? Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Women: Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating? Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

390 comments Add your comment

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:47 am

That feeling of it not being right was there but I went with what I loved. I made the wrong choice over what felt right.

Raqi – You said what I was trying to say, with much fewer words!

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:47 am

Kimmie, I agree with you about being raised a certain way. That always make for a good start and core foundation. But our parents knew that we all have to live our lives and make out mistakes. There were times when I did not understand or want to accept what my parents taught me, but after going thru something I fully understood after the fact. It sometimes takes that. Some stuff we go thru build our character. It teaches us to be the best we can be. What don’t kill you should make you stronger.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:49 am

I wouldnt be me today if it was not for what I learned in the past. I have said it once before..”I wouldn’t trade nothing for my journey”

Kym – Me either, agreed!

SexyCool13

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

Glad it’s the weekend.

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

Melo – I’m not suggesting that. I’m suggesting that whatever people do, you (I at least) cannot formulate how it is going to turn out based on some rules that are usually contradicted by life. I’m suggesting that because I know that life is random, I do what I feel is appropriate for me and leave the rest by the way side.

I’m not measuring. I don’t believe there is a formula and feel that I am in no place to attempt to guide other people who appear to be doing just fine without my guidance.

No matter the examples…my coupled friends or other couples, the rules just don’t add up.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
11:50 am

But our parents knew that we all have to live our lives and make our mistakes.

Raqi – Amen

AmazonRed™ - That's 1. Go Lakers!

June 4th, 2010
11:51 am

That “what feels right” is my conscious, God, my intuition. I’m not being led by my hormones or what the crowd or my peers are doing, but what my conscious is telling me. Whenever I decided to dismiss that gut feeling and go with “the flow”, THAT’S when I’ve gotten in trouble. And 9 times out of 10, I KNEW BETTER!

Girl preach!

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
11:51 am

@Raqi…I can respect your point. Answer this for me, how many women operate from your position of intuition (I call it discernment) when making relationship/intimacy decisions? A lot operate by way of the heart and emotions which often lead to that dreaded brick wall down the road.

A lot of men make decisions based on their minds…even knowing that what they’re doing is wrong.

This makes for a potential train wreck when men are operating with their minds and women are operating with their hearts. I’m not a huge fan of the book, but that’s why Steve Harvey’s book was soooooo popular. It attempted to bridge the gap between men and women.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
11:54 am

@ Kimmie–I agree with your 11:45 and Raqi’s 11:47.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
11:57 am

@KP dude back up..most women are way more logical than just he made my heart go pitter patter. Even with the pitter patter..we still want to make sure this fellow is someone who will support, love and care..and if dude behaves in that manner and gives the support love and care we need..then the deal is done. Now where and when problems come up that doesn’t mean he nor she were not on the same page when they began the love game.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
11:57 am

I don’t believe there is a formula

@Luvbug??

maybe this horse is dead, i dont know.

I think there is a formula..its just isnt perfect..like everything else in lyfe.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
11:58 am

KP, a lot. However we live and we learn. Like I said I haven’t always made the right choice and you best believe there will be times to come that I may not make the right choice. However that intuition will act.

Only in a perfect world will every man and woman DO the right thing. That perfect only exist in the after life so until then…

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
11:59 am

I think there is a formula

Melo – Okay then…that’s obviously the difference. LOL

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:01 pm

Let’s try teaching children the correct path and let adults make adult choices. :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
12:02 pm

@Raqi you beat me to it.. I was going to say.. if I was always making the right decisions..then there would be no need for Grace or Mercy.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:05 pm

“Most everyone you have slept with in the past ‘felt’ right in the moment.”

@KP ~ not sure if this is your remark or you’re actually repeating someone else. However, this statement is not true. I can recall one particular young man I slept with but knew I shouldn’t. We were in a relationship I knew I had no business being in. Lasted a good 7 months before my “right mind” kicked in. Sometimes, we do things for the sheer thrill of it. Mystery and intrique usually gets us in trouble when we don’t follow Raqi’s rationale on “intuition.”

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:10 pm

LOL Kym. I like KP and agree with a lot of his view points but he needs to realize he is not talking to 16 year olds in here today. We have strong minds and will now despite the errors we made in the past.

As for his topic, waiting to get to know a person is good and recommended but who can put a calendar to how long that should be. And even when you think you know a person well they can fool you.

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:13 pm

And, a lot more women operate with their intuition than you give them credit for.

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
12:20 pm

luv your 11:21 Raqi. very succint. and ditto on Kym’s 11:57.

She wants a baby, and has commissioned a friend to have one with her ARed, i thought that stuff only happened on tv? :shock:

czBrat

June 4th, 2010
12:26 pm

did i scare everyone off?

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:29 pm

Bored a little bit. :)

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:30 pm

@Leggs…Sorry I didn’t mean to imply ‘ALL’. I know there are some instances where people know they’re doing something they’re not supposed to. Thx for sharing your example!

@Raqi…I know ya’ll are grown. I’ve been participating and lurking for a couple of years now. I know most of the personalities on here which is why I love it :) . I usually lurk because I end up causing a ruckus because of my views. However, today is the official public debate day…LOL.

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:32 pm

@Kym…I never implied anyone has to be perfect. Like me or not…I always make people think which has benefits. Never live in the past, but make better future decisions based on past lessons. That’s all I’m trying to communicate at the end of the day.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:36 pm

LOL Leggs. Yeah only if he knew the number of times I wanted to jump my husband bone’s way back when before we were actually together but resisted doing so because it was not the right thing to do. I have told you all before that he and I actually had sex before our first “official standardized” date. But it was after a year of us interacting and getting to know each other. Seeing each other at least two times a week.

And even with Whitebread when he would come by to see his son there were times that I would have been with him had I not done what I knew was right. And that was not to be with him. Now when we were together that year and a half I totally ignored what I knew was right. I made a bad choice to do the wrong thing.

And yep, I never had sex with Randy because it didn’t feel right any of the times we went out.

So yeah when it doesn’t feel right we know to do the opposite.

Raqi

June 4th, 2010
12:37 pm

KP, I like you and most of your views and know you have been here a while. So stop acting like we all brand new. LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:41 pm

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
12:51 pm

@KP ~ our resident relationship expert for the moment.

Not sure if you know about me and the caller that dialed the wrong number. Well, he called last night asking mundane questions. Before asking him the 2nd time to remove my number I had to ask this question: “why is he seeking to know other women outside his relationship?” He was surprised and started stuttering saying if he offended me he’s sorry, but he sees nothing wrong with making new friends. Told him I saw no reason for him to make new friends with another woman. He actually was surprised that I felt this way and asked if I was in a relationship does that mean I wouldn’t seek the friendship of a man. I told him he was right, I wouldn’t. I see no reason for me to give my number to another man while I’m involved with someone just to acquire another friend. Told him that’s really how you acquire TROUBLE. He said he would remove my number. OH WELL, ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST…..

Professor

June 4th, 2010
12:54 pm

Leggs~ did it again! Got’em

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
12:54 pm

@Leggs…GREAT move! Wish more people had the courage to do the same thing.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
12:56 pm

Got two free doughnuts!!! Thank you Krispy Kreme!!

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
12:57 pm

I apparently have a FB stalker now….. :shock:

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
12:58 pm

Kym, you’ve been thinking about dem doughnuts all morning i see. LOL!

Melo

June 4th, 2010
12:58 pm

so whats the conclusion now??

Grown folks who smelled the coffee already: Do ur daamn thang!??

Younger ones with no priors: wait a lil while?

Did I paraphrase the gist of it OK???

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
12:59 pm

SlimOne, I am not a stalker :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:01 pm

@Slim..yes I was..Sugar coma to begin in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

Professor

June 4th, 2010
1:03 pm

Melo I don’t have a summary…

I need some lernch…

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:04 pm

Professor, what are you eating for lunch?

Professor

June 4th, 2010
1:07 pm

Purple I wish I knew. I don’t have a taste for anything, but my tummy wants some food. I will probably eat a salad

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:08 pm

Alright topic change cards can be played..but the following card will be burned…Oil Spill..its out there..we get it..work on it..done

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:13 pm

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:14 pm

Here I want to share a paragraph related to the topic I think that I just read in an opinon piece on CNN..

Although men are more likely to instigate a divorce when they have another partner in sight, women are more likely to say they just couldn’t stand to be with this partner any more, which jibes with the research showing that women are physiologically and emotionally more sensitive to the negative effects of an unsatisfying relationship.

The rise in divorce rates for older people, which is occurring in Great Britain, Canada and Japan, as well as the United States, results from the confluence of two new trends. The first is that we expect more from marriage than in the past. It’s no longer enough for the other partner to be a good provider or a good housekeeper. We want marriage to include friendship, sexual satisfaction and an interesting give-and-take between equals. The second is that if a marriage ceases to meet their needs, older people have many more alternatives than they used to.

I thought it was a interesting thought..

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
1:16 pm

Definitely too much to catch up on but it looks like a good one.

@Kym- Was the HOT sign on?

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
1:16 pm

blog bullies ain’t a pretty show

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
1:18 pm

@Dig That..nooo but that’s okay..and you could get any kind of doughnut you wanted freeeeee…

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:20 pm

@Kp ~ I apologize, I didn’t form that into a question for you (was rushing to get to cafe). From your observations, why is it some men see nothing wrong with calling a woman “attempting” to form a friendship? Do they really deem us that gullible?

For Real (My zipper is half way down)

June 4th, 2010
1:23 pm

On Topic: KP, KP, KP, KP….. “Lets Wait” is good for kids and young adults but if you are chick and you are over the age of 25 and you still talking about “Lets Wait” then that’s sure indicator that you have piss poor decision making skills and you should wait until get help in dealing with your lack of decision making ability.

Now, as for KP and his inner most desire to understand women. Listen up, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVA UNDERSTAND WOMEN!!!! Relationships have and will continue to fail for the following reason:

1. Sex or lack thereof
2. Money or the lack thereof
3. Poor decisions

It ain’t rocket science KP but if you think the key to long lasting relationship lies with women you are dead azz wrong. The is the man. Be the Man you are and no matter what chick you are dealing they will fall in line. PERIOD!!!

For Real is now dropping his mic, fondling Slim itties, hunch Kimmie’s booty and lick Ared’s forehead all while with his zipper all the way down.

Lady J-J's parties ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
1:24 pm

what’s poppin’ crew catching up….

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
1:26 pm

@KP ~ it’s not even “courage.” It’s more “respect.” You’ve already told me you’re involved and if I continue to talk to you, I’ve given my nonverbal cue that we can see where this goes. I respect me, you respect me and there will be no shyt to hit the fan! That’s how I see it.

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:26 pm

I met this little girlie, her hair was kinda curly
Went to her house and bust her out, I had to leave real early
These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is please me
Or spend some time and rock a rhyme, I said “It’s not that easy”

It’s Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time
It’s Tricky…(How is it D?) It’s Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Trrrrrricky)
It’s Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time
It’s Tricky…Tricky (Tricky) Tricky

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
1:28 pm

I knew this girl named nikki