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Let’s Wait A While – Are You Worth The Wait?

I am excited about getting new voices on the Misadventures in Atlanta blog. Variety is the spice of life! I decided to recruit more people to be featured on our corner of AJC.COM so if you are interested in being part of the Sizzling Summer’s Love Squad blog panel let me know!

Today I asked KP from Chat Kafe (http://www.chatkafeonline.com, http://chatkafe.blogspot.com), a reader and occasional commenter on Misadventures in Atlanta blog to guest blog for me.  If you are not familiar with him, he is a relationship coach.  I know some of you are fans of his and others, not so much.  His perspective is refreshing to me.

Whatever you feel about him, I hope you will welcome him and be open to what he has to say.  We can always agree to disagree but it’s important to listen!

In 1986, Janet Jackson came out with a popular hit titled “Let’s Wait A While” that took the country by storm. The words of the hit song used to epitomize the approach that ‘quality’ women took when dealing with men in dating and relationships. Unfortunately, things have shifted from “Let’s Wait A While” to a “have-to-have it” mentality.

The modern day approach is pretty predictable and standard. Man meets woman. They exchange information. They go out. Man taps into the mind of the woman. Proper mind tapping results in an open heart and open body experience. It’s usually that easy. Tupac stated it best in his song “I Get Around” when he said, “I don’t want it if that’s easy!” This can be better translated as “I won’t want YOU if it’s that easy!”

Now there is nothing wrong with the above formula as long as it’s with the person you are destined to spend your life with. However, the above equation has gone from a Hollywood fairytale experience, to a merry-go-round experience with the flavor of the week. Would you share your retirement account with someone who isn’t vested? Well, why treat your personal treasure with someone who isn’t licensed? Hmmm…

Women: Have women taken on a more male-minded mentality when it comes to sex? Do women have a ‘probation’ period before they release themselves physically to someone they’re dating? Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?

Men: Why don’t men take a “Let’s Wait A While” approach when dealing with women? Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

390 comments Add your comment

M. (pronouced M dot)

June 4th, 2010
10:07 am

Interesting topic.

I think everyone should be careful who they deal with, but a probationary period is not necessarily a good idea. I think this sours the interactions between the man and the woman and makes everything about her package rather than the guy genuinely wanting to get to know her. She is making herself a quest, goal, and a challenge. What happens when you conquer a quest or achive a goal? You want to CONQUER OR ACHIEVE another goal. I also think this is one of the main reasons alot of women arent getting married because they make it about their package rather than getting to know them, learning what makes them tick.

I think guys mess up here: “Why NOT make men wait for the prize if you believe it’s worth it?” Why is it a prize? Realistically, its just an object thats no different than the next. An engine is the same, but its what kind of car it is in that makes it more valuable. What kind of car are you?

Also, guys should take a lets wait a while approach because a guy really has nothing to gain from an physical experience with a woman. The physical act is really just entertainment. Thats why we have to be selective who we deal with. A woman can come up on the right guy and she will be set for life. She has more to gain in the physical arena than a man does.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:09 am

Disclaimer..if I stepped on anyone’s toes..with the remarks above..next time move your feet.

:grin:

Love it!

Alan

June 4th, 2010
10:09 am

Slim, you moron. All I did was speak the truth. All black people do are kill, rob, and cause problems. That is a fact. Watch the news loser.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:10 am

Folks need to raise their young’uns

Exactly…I think part of the problem is that you have some young parents with children that act more like their friends than parents. I also heard on the radio this morning that alot of parents were dropping their kids off when Screen on the Green is promoted as something for parents to do with their kids. Tsk tsk tsk….

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:11 am

Happy Friday Good Blog People!

A lot of you have mentioned being true to yourself. I think that applies quite a bit to this topic. I was very fortunate to have parents that raised me & my siblings to value ourselves. They also walked the walk, and did it well. It was the little things my parents did in raising me that went a long way to shape my point of view on this subject. My mother did not allow me to accept gifts from guys, unless it was a small Christmas or birthday gift. She said she didn’t want a guy thinking I owed him anything. When I went away to college, while she was religious, she did not preach the “wait till marriage thing”. She knew it was not practical. But she did say that whatever I did, there was a classy way to do it. So when I began dating, no matter how hard a guy pressed me, I was never swayed. The stuff I was taught stuck with me. I don’t hold hands, kiss, anything, until I’m good and ready. How a guy treated me and made me feel determined if things happened quickly, slowly or not at all. And my way has worked for me. I’m not desperate, I get my respect and every one involved is happy. Very few dudes even stepped to me with that get-it-quick mess. They know who they can get away with that mess with & who they can’t, by how you carry yourself.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Slim it’s early dearheart don’t feed the animals….let them starve :)

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

@Alan..thank you for proving Slim’s point. note that in her post she didn’t say YOU or YOUR post were ignorant. But since you so graciously took up that veil of ignorance..wear it in good health..looks good on ya!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Melo, Swiss I have a question for you guys when you enter today.

Purple, I will start with you. When you realize a woman is playing the waiting game just to say I don’t have sex with a guy during the first 5 months, do you bounce? Also, do you get mad when you wait and that stuff is in good?

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

Professor, :)

SlimOne,”PRain” LOL

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
10:12 am

@Kym…You can find our crew out on Fulton Industrial speaking to the young street walking ladies about self worth too. Note taken.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:14 am

@Kym and Slim~ ^5 on that 10:12 and 10:04.

The hit dog will holler

Sue

June 4th, 2010
10:15 am

Whatever happened to playing hard to get? As my dad says, “easy come, easy go”.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:17 am

@KP good now work on the pimps and you will be closer to the solution.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:17 am

Some of you are making some very good valid points and two of you sound like you’re huffing fumes….ignorance is bliss I guess.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:19 am

work on the pimps and you will be closer to the solution

Ditto..

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:20 am

Professor, I do not mind waiting at all. I really believe intimacy is what you make it. :) There is pleasure in some heavy kissing and holding each other, IMO,sometimes the passion involved is better than the actual “act”.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:21 am

Morning All,

I don’t think men or women should look at S-E-X as a prize, that is the 1st problem because we then want to associate it as the “ultimate” part of who and what we are. It is an act that comes about when 2 people who have begun to explore each other mentally and emotionally, and then decide to come together in the physical sense. That is not the best part of me, so I don’t lead conversations talking about it and I don’t wear it like it is a badge of honor either.

In society now, some people seem to skip the emotional and mental bonding before heading straight to sex. Like the dirty guy or gal that attaches everything to sex. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction and chemistry can be a mugg, but it should not be only goal in mind for either.

@ Alan–You are the moron for making such a broad statement, don’t act like other races (Whites, Latinos, Indians, etc.) are not commiting crimes, too. Majority of the people on here are AA, so guess what??? We are not robbing, killing, or committing any crimes!

KP (www.chatkafeonline.com)

June 4th, 2010
10:22 am

@Kym…will do. It’s good to address all audiences, but especially the one with the power of ‘NO’.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

@Kimmie my mom/dad would not allow us to accept gifts either except for special occassions.

However, how do you feel about the activity still being the same and the outcome still being the same whether it is done “classy” or not?

SlimPhatty

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

Alan – You’re right…I am a loser….and a moron. Do you feel better now? :lol:

Leggs

June 4th, 2010
10:23 am

Good morning, everyone.

I value my worth and anyone who doesn’t see it, doesn’t get me! It’s not that I’m trying to hold out, merely navigating to hang with those that I deem worthy to share all of me with. Not everyone should be privy to “all” a person has to offer.

@czB ~ thanks so much for that recap at the Park yesterday. I got a call to turn to V103, but missed the story. Main reason why I said no to my child going. Hindsight is extremely helpful when used! Also, miscreants is exactly what they are!!!

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:25 am

Especially the pimps that are preying on the young girls it breaks my heart when I see these trials going on and the pimp had girls 12, 13, 14 years old.

:cry:

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:26 am

Do men not respect women who make a commitment to saving their treasure for marriage?

Hey folks..good topic KP!

In reply to the above, I would wait,if she aint gotten tapped yet,we vibe and she is long term marriage material. I wld respect that. No doubt.

Here is the problem..most of these females aint new new..somebody has already tapped that coochie so if u are gon to bring me that “lets wait a lil bit”, all the while,Joe,Pookey, and Tyrone have had their prior shares and i know that,that wont cut it.

U aint gon to string me along like a suckker like that. I will wanna respectfully wait,maybe a month,if we heavy dating,at least to get to know where u stay,ur job and that u aint a physycho and we go on a cpple of dates but thats it.

I aint goin to wait 4 months to tap that when we going out every other week-end. It aint gon happen like that or else i move on!

Now another thing is,not every woman u approach and date is long term potential material. So waiting again,is not really an option coz in this relationship,all we doing is dating to have fun. So why wait when u got all my vital info and we vibing? Waiting is for suckkers coz if u lay fallow on that coochie,somebody is gon tap it,unbeknown to u.

When u saying,”Waiting”,how long is waiting anyway??

As far as sexx and the peddlers,there is a variety of providers out there so it depends on what the man is looking for. And the comptetition is waiting to give u(the man) rebates,so be careful on that! :lol: :lol:

A serious girl??? for me its more about where she has been(her history) and her current mental state and character than the sexx part. If her character is str8, im not worried about her coochie coz (the) her character dictates the coochie’s condition..notTored Up! :lol:

If all u looking for is a show and tell and a dazzling display, again,there are women who are prepared to woe men based on that so u take ur pick.But im not sure i wld take a woman seriously for a 40 + year commitment based on her nocturnal/day bedroom ,bamboozling skills.

But be real about “waiting” ladies! Sometimes we guys know,u just fronting!

Morning people!! :lol:

J-smoove

June 4th, 2010
10:27 am

AmazonRed™ – That’s 1. Go Lakers! relax you are like everybody else trying to get at KP. Really flirting in the newspaper, are you really that desperate? I guess so.

AJCGirl

June 4th, 2010
10:27 am

CzBrat, I really agree with your comment, “although i do think men will ‘respect’ a woman who guards her treasure well, i don’t think they’re likely to stick around long enough to learn all the other things there are to know about her.” But I would like to add, THAT is how we WEED OUT the riff raff! It may really put a damper on you love life, depending on your requirements, but I think “Holding Out” is worth it, if you’re looking for a person who CARES about you as a person. It’s a price you gotta pay!

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
10:28 am

Enter your comments here

Dig That

June 4th, 2010
10:29 am

Good Morning Erybody. The blog monster is on me already.

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:31 am

JtJ the first part of your post is what it should be about and that’s what’s up more of our society should strive for that….sadly in this microwave mentality that pervades the dating scene alot of that is lost in the hunt for instant gratification…..so many are looking for Mr./Mrs. Tonight and not Right.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:32 am

However, how do you feel about the activity still being the same and the outcome still being the same whether it is done “classy” or not?

Professor – I can only speak for myself and my experiences. I am not and have not always been a perfect angel. The time I didn’t heed my mom’s advice and didn’t exactly “keep it classy” or did things before I was comfortable – not only was the “activity” not the same, but the outcome was definitely not. How I feel about myself, the other person, and the risks taken with my body are what determine the outcome for me.

Alan

June 4th, 2010
10:33 am

JtJ, watch the news. Quit acting like you thugs don’t cause MOST of the problems. Kill, kill, kill.

My name is Prince...

June 4th, 2010
10:33 am

Crime is committed by 5 to 7 percent of any disadvantage race, black or white. Over 90 percent are doing the right thing. The news, for your entertainment, focuses only on the 5 to 7 percent committing crimes. One person doing something bad does not represent the entire race.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:34 am

@Kimmie, thanks for the response. The outcome is never right when you go against yourself and what is comfortable to you…if that makes sense.

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:35 am

Alan- Go play in traffic!!Nobody will miss you!!

Lady J-J's partys ROCK-Be there or be square!

June 4th, 2010
10:35 am

Happy Friday Crew!!!!!!!!

Go Lakers!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t forget if your evening is clear swing by Cafe Circa @ 6pm for Happy Hour!!!!!

My busy Friday is in progress be back later…..lol

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:36 am

Especially the pimps that are preying on the young girls

I agree with you on that Professor…they prey on these young girls. Pimps target young girls on the street, ones from broken homes who may be vulnerable…they especially like going to bus stations looking for runaways. Then they beat the breaks off of these poor girls for refusing to “work” or not making enough money. So yeah kudos to the groups tryna talk to the girls but target the pimps.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:37 am

Professor – Makes perfect sense!

It's me....lurker

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

? I agree with your stance that manipulation often plays into the equation but that’s not what we’re or I should say I’m talking about. I’m talking about doing what’s right and what’s best for you. You being me the woman and doing what right for you the man. If that means waiting then wait. If it means walking then walk. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

…I am funky!

:grin:

Purple Rain

June 4th, 2010
10:38 am

My Name is Prince, I am the only Purple One on this blog, please change your moniker. :)

J-smoove

June 4th, 2010
10:40 am

ARed…You are my type of girl. Ripe and ready for the phlucking, I’d date you right quick.

Professor

June 4th, 2010
10:41 am

Purple I thought that was you…lol :???:

Sassy Me...Misty Lady:-)

June 4th, 2010
10:41 am

Random thought: Sometimes one must consciously decide to be the bigger person…

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
10:42 am

Whoohoo it’s Friday!!

JtJ

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

@ Sassy..Yep..@Mr. Tonight/Ms. Right phrase. Somethings worthwhile should take time to grow and develop, but too many “go there” too soon and then are left wondering why it didn’t work.

kimmie

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

Melo – Why do you guys take issue when a woman wants to upgrade her lifestyle? Like she might have slept around in her younger days, but she sees the error of her ways and wants to lead her life differently, so she becomes more selective. Maybe she has found religion or become a mother so she wants to set a better example, or she’s just GROWN UP and wants to lead a better life. She starts not passing it out to every dude that winks at her and she meets up with a guy she likes and wants to truly get to know before they take things there. But you guys put her down for wanting to wait. What’s up with that?

Not putting you down Melo, just curious about your & other folks thinking on that.

Kym-Singing and Swing and getting Merry like Christmas

June 4th, 2010
10:43 am

@Purple Rain..what up folk?? I thought about you the other day when I passed this Summit Racing place near my house. I didn’t realize how serious racing is.

Melo

June 4th, 2010
10:44 am

When you realize a woman is playing the waiting game just to say I don’t have sex with a guy during the first 5 months, do you bounce?

@Proff!

depends on the woman and our level of interaction. Speaking for myself, a woman im interacting with constantly,proly daily and having dates with almost every week will not last 5 months,let alone 2……

Either,her amnesia will unconsciously kick in or she wil give me that usual line,when the nickkers are coming down:

I DONT USUALLY DO THIS” :-) (thats me,scratching my nose lightly, watching u unrobe)

:lol: :lol:

Yes,u just did! :lol:

Willie Dynamite

June 4th, 2010
10:44 am

Morning All,

I have no problem with a Woman choosing to wait. My response to the waiting game is solely dictacted by my interactions with her. If she has stimulated my mind to the point of my focus being on getting to know her moreso than the “prize” then I’ll happily enjoy the wait.

I will say that the needless waiting game just for the sake of waiting is IMO just that Games. If I have invested my quality time and you’ve done the due diligence so to speak and everything checks out. Then just to wait for some pre-appointed time slot then heyal naw you aint worth the wait to me. Men will stick around and wait if they see the potential. We aren’t that smart but most of us can spot a filibuster when we see one (at least I can).

Luvbug

June 4th, 2010
10:46 am

No…we just didn’t!!

..reality of truth....

June 4th, 2010
10:49 am

Ok so the guy broke, does credit card scams and has a bunch of baby momas and is married. You know what that tells me? you are a dummy cause why the would you eff a broke guy w baby momas and a wife? he had to have some sort of money for u to eff w/em so stop trynna make em look like a sorry a$$ dude even though he is, you are worst to deal w lame dudes. Learn how to pick and choose better. Some these lame girlz now adays got it confused
She fine, but she aint nobody big enough to even care about havin a relationship with her bc she is a manhater, so what. Just another naked trick, talkin ish bout the dude that was hitting it. Lame azz broad…I’d smash tho.if hes a loser and a fraud and got you to suck him and do him then what does that make you?

Dumb broad. Sucked him, let him hit, KNEW he was married, knew he was “broke” (so she says), etc etc….yadda yadda. But HE’S the lame….trick gtfo here. If I ever saw ole boy I’d dap him up for exposing another bird brain trick tryna get a payday from a dude that ended up with NOTHING!