Can a man freely express heartbreak?
Hello everyone! I hope you had a safe and happy Memorial Day!
If you’ve been reading Misadventures in Atlanta for a while, you may remember that I have an annual trip to Mexico this time of year. My mother and I participate in a home building/medical ministry mission with the group Constructores Para Cristo.
Since I’ve left the city, I asked some of my all-star buddies to assist me this week and guest blog. I hope you enjoy what they have to say and welcome them! I will be reading along with you guys and jumping in when I can!
Today, we have a wonderful writer buddy of mine who has guest blogged before. Fly Guy asks the question, can a man freely express heartbreak? Check out what he has to say:
In my dad’s world, and in the world of many like-minded men, expressions like hurt, pain and heartbreak aren’t welcomed. It’s as simple as that. To borrow a direct quote from my dad, “that’s stuff that girls go through.” That’s typical for him … he’s the prototypical man’s man. But is he right?
Does a man really have to deny himself the release of emotions that may show a softer side? As men, should we really be expected to live our lives emotionally dishonest as a means to protect the sanctity of our manhood?
I say no. If a man is hurt, then let him release it. If he’s disappointed, then he should be able to express it. And if he wants to cry and didn’t just lose his mother or a playoff basketball game, then the tears should flow. There is a catch though.
While I believe it’s perfectly healthy for a man to openly express what he’s feeling, there is a “statute of man limitations” that applies. Can you express yourself freely? Sure. But can you start whining and crying every time something doesn’t go your way? Absolutely not (hell, you don’t even want your woman to do that.)
So what can be done? Well, you can now be unafraid to look into the eyes of your woman and say, “you hurt me.” You can also know that it’s alright to admit that you miss her, and that you wish she was back in your life. Trust me, it’s ok. In the end, your manly persona will go unscathed, and she may even respect you more for your honesty.
At 57 years-old, it’s probably too late for my dad to change his perspective, and that’s ok. But for me, it’s something that I’m currently working to improve upon. If my struggles in any way resemble yours, you should also take up this cause and work to find a healthy balance between man and emotion.
Wow, Thanks Fly Guy for a provocative and thought-provoking post. I have nothing to add (shocking, I know). Your thoughts?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
415 comments Add your comment
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
8:23 am
Good Morning Crew!!!!!
The Real Fly Guy is a great follow on twitter!!! I enjoy his tweets!!!! Wisey enjoy your trip helping others with your mom!!!!!!
I will lurk a bit and wait on the male’s POV……..I think this topic is easy said than done though……
Professor
June 1st, 2010
8:32 am
Hola!
Hey Lady J
Well I must say I would love a man that was cool with would tell me how he really feels.
Ok, I will lurk for now I am a little sleepy.
Guest Lurker
June 1st, 2010
8:35 am
Good Morning All!
Over two years ago, I fell in love with the most amazing man, our chemistry was great, conversation was interesting and I really felt as if he had touched my soul and I his. It was one of those things were you knew after a month you could have done the unthinkable and said yes. For whatever reason,with no explanation did not want to see me anymore, I attepmted serveral times to rectify the situation because I knew he was the one…but I really needed him to know it. I was heart broken, unbeknownst to me so was he. I heard through some mutual freinds. Now I am seeing someone else and so is he,but the crazy part about all of this is I still know he is the one. Thanks for hearing me out, this is a difficult story to share with friends and family,but I realize that I’m still trying to get over him.
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:37 am
hola!! Que Paso!!!!
um…on this topic….well…..
If a man expresses his feelings, it doesn’t make him less of a man and I welcome it.
Now if he cries at the drop of a dime at every little thing, C’mon Son!
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
8:38 am
Hey Professor!!!!
i'm swiss
June 1st, 2010
8:39 am
Morning from New Mexico… No time to blog really this week, but I did want to give a quick shout out to those who made it to 6 Ft Under… Good meeting all of you. And thanks again for the t-shirt, Lady J I already had Mrs. Swiss model it while riding the Matterhorn. Go Bulldogs!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:42 am
the number of guys in my circle that I know of to expressed emotion is small. Kinda like an urban myth
1) My father (When I was 13, I was going thru a very rough time in my life and it made my daddy cry
2) My brother (when I was was in my 20’s, my brother and I were discussing some of the struggles I’ve been thru and it made him cry)
3 ) an ex boyfriend ( though I did not witness it firsthand, the lady at the jail told me that he had tears when he bailed me out) Don’t ask about why I was locked up
4)my son’s father (I have never seen or heard of him cry but he did express to me that some things I’ve said did hurt him)
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
8:42 am
Get it SWISS!!!!!!!! You are more than welcome and thanks for being a really COOL dude!!!!!! your wife is beautiful and I know she will just make my bulldogs look even better!!!!!! The Swiss Family ROCKS!!!!!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:42 am
Swiss, lol!!! you disclose too much
LOL!!!!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:42 am
Swiss, lol!!! you disclose too much
LOL!!!!
Professor
June 1st, 2010
8:43 am
Hey Lady
Wassup I am…
@swiss what part of NM are you in? How is the weather? I am going to need a report when you get back…I want to go there one day.
@Guest Lurker… How long were you and Mr. Right together? If I read you correct he never gave you a reason.
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:44 am
6 feet under was too cool!!!!
I miss the old hush puppies though
Swiss, bring me back a souvenoir!!!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:44 am
suppers Professor!!!! (waving)
i'm swiss
June 1st, 2010
8:44 am
Prof — I’m in Albuquerque… Here on business, unfortunately…
Haven’t stepped outside yet this morning, but it’s supposed to be sunny, dry & low-to-mid 90’s all week….
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
8:46 am
Glad you enjoyed “I AM”!!!!!! Thanks for joining us!!!!
Swiss enjoy your trip!!!!!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
8:59 am
Question for the mens:
1) do you all ever think about exes?
2) can you explain why some of you wear long nails???
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
9:00 am
Guest Lurker:
I believe that if he is meant for you to be with, he will come back.
If he does not come back, GOD has someone better. Please believe that
(Taking my own advice as well)
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
9:05 am
hmmmmmmmm
Trevor0529
June 1st, 2010
9:07 am
1) do you all ever think about exes?
sometimes. Lately, not at all.
2) can you explain why some of you wear long nails??? I can’t. That’s nasty. Mens don’t need to have long arse nails.
Good Morning All!!
Dan - back in touch
June 1st, 2010
9:12 am
Morning,
While I (probably) won’t be able to get too far into this discussion, I’ll say this.
For a man to express his emotions (beyond just anger) is a healthy thing. I’m personally leery of someone that doesn’t show a range of emotions, because if I don’t know that you have them, or the capacity to express them, then you may be a sociopath. And that’s not the business.
A healthy response to emotional situations and stress doesn’t make you less of a man, it prevents diseases like alcoholism, drug abuse, heart disease, and high blood pressure.
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
9:24 am
I concur with Dan
Trevor: i saw this dude, all of nails were short except for the thumbs.
I don’t get that
Wise Diva
June 1st, 2010
9:25 am
Buenas Dias!! Yesterday was the first day in the clinic, it went really well! I’m just waiting on the patients now, I was assigned to the pharmacy. So far so good. You guys have a wonderful, fantastic day! I will check back in with you in a bit.
AmazonRed™
June 1st, 2010
9:26 am
Happy Tuesday All! Hope your Memorial Day was great!
Welcome back Fly Guy and thanks for the topic today. Wise, have a safe and rewarding trip!
On topic – That “tough man” mentality is dying with the “old skool” cats. Men are still supposed to be tough…but I see plenty of emotional men today. More so then guys my Dad hangs around.
I’ve been fortunate to have guys be pretty open to me about their past hurts and experiences. They don’t cry or hold a pity party, it’s more about “it is what it is but that’s why I may think XYZ about ABC.” They also trying to downplay how hurt they really are, but at least they can recognize the source. So kudos.
Professor
June 1st, 2010
9:27 am
Thanks Swiss I can see this is not the time of year to head to NM.
Professor
June 1st, 2010
9:28 am
@I am are you asking that question to figure out if your ex is thinking about you?
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
9:32 am
some talk in circles too…..
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
9:34 am
No professor.
I’m asking because a lady I know told me that once a guy has ended something with a woman, they never think about her.
I was trying to figure out if there is truth to that.
Jeff
June 1st, 2010
9:35 am
To stay on topic without all the extras;
No, a man isn’t allowed to exress his pain in an external fashion.
Professor
June 1st, 2010
9:37 am
@I am…thanks I was just curious. As for the lady, she doesn’t sound too bright
you might want to “ignore” her a bit.
Mo (aka Moeisha- oh so sleepy)
June 1st, 2010
9:45 am
Mawnin All! I am trying to regroup from a loooooooong weekend!
Hope everyone is doing well, lemme speed read and see whats going on
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
9:46 am
Professor: hmmmnmnnnnnn.
Well maybe they do and maybe they don’t .who knows.
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
9:48 am
I’m hurting over my ex still.
I’m trying to move on and get to know other people but I’m just scared.
The thought of getting hurt again isn’t appealing.
I think that I will try a new approach.
I will meet people and just be friends with them. No expectations.
Lady J-Don't be cruel, I will never be that cruel to you!
June 1st, 2010
9:48 am
Hey Mo!!!! you had a fun filled weekend with your main man!!!!!! Glad yall had a blast!!!!!!
Professor
June 1st, 2010
9:50 am
I think everyone takes a look down memory lane every now and then, but I do recognize that some folks will supress memories as well. However I am not the SME on this topic….
Who would like to bring me an orange bliss latte from that Seattle’s best coffee chain?
kimmie
June 1st, 2010
9:50 am
Morning All
Hope you all had a nice long holiday weekend! I did, fun and relaxing and tiring all in one!
I agree with Dan. I want to know that you are not some Vulcan or sociopath, so the expressing of normal emotions to emotional situations is a healthy thing.
I also agree with Amred. Things have changed for the better I think, with this subject.
I expect my man to show normal emotion at the appropriate times, but at the same time not be a crybaby wuss either. There is a proper balance and it shouldn’t be hard to maintain. And it’s nothing I wouldn’t expect from myself either.
abc
June 1st, 2010
9:53 am
Seems like a bunch of sissy stuff to me.
A man that’s afraid to show his emotions is a sissy. A man that doesn’t feel such emotions is an idiot. A man that wants to have a feminine side, obvious sissy. I don’t have a feminine side, nor an inner child. Bunk!
kimmie
June 1st, 2010
9:54 am
Professor – One Orange Bliss coming up – I’ll make it myself, bet I can do as good or better than Seattle’s Best!
I guess I got the big head a little, cause I got two major compliments on my cooking this weekend. I made up a new sangria recipe and it was a big hit at the cookout Sunday. I also made a peach cobbler, different from my usual recipe, and SO’s mom told me it was so good it took her back to her grandmother’s cobbler!
I was beaming!
Mo (aka Moeisha- oh so sleepy)
June 1st, 2010
10:00 am
Lady J – Had a blast chica but I swear the weekend is one big blur! I felt like I was moving the whole weekend! LOL!
kimmie – did you say Peach Cobbler?? Awww man! Can you express mail me some of that? Or just meet me off I-20 at wesley chapel, that cobbler sounds so good right about now!
Hey Professor!
Trevor0529
June 1st, 2010
10:01 am
@kimmie, did you make white or red sangria?
kimmie
June 1st, 2010
10:03 am
Trevor – White. I usually make red.
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
10:04 am
That’s great Kimmie!!!
What’s your address? I’ll be right over with my topperware
Leggs
June 1st, 2010
10:05 am
GOOD MORNING, BLOGSVILLE (said like Robin Williams would say Good Morning, Vietnam)!!!
I think it’s refreshing for a man to be able to express heartbreak. Don’t want him to ramble and ramble, on and on, but it’s cool for him to discuss his heartache.
Wow, we now have a “Guest Lurker!” Hola ~
WD ~ you and your Mom are refreshing! We need more people like you!
“I’m asking because a lady I know told me that once a guy has ended something with a woman, they never think about her.”
@I am ~ you do know that ^ that is a bold face lie!
Leggs
June 1st, 2010
10:06 am
BTW, I’m swiss ~ you’re arse is cool as all get out! Thanks for hanging with us!
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
10:08 am
no leggs for real, that’s why I’m asking
saying it like the movie friday : I ain’t got to lie Craig. I ain’t got to lie!!!
Melo
June 1st, 2010
10:13 am
You can also know that it’s alright to admit that you miss her, and that you wish she was back in your life
to ur homies??? no problem if thats the case and u truly loved her that much..not cry baby stuff..but just “yeah,Gloria broke my heart…blah blah blah”
not to her ofcourse..why wld u do that??
That wld be a pure sissy play.
The only time that line quoted above is admissable is if u somehow had a chance encounter,u cozying up in some hotel lobby,nibling on some hore’s de ‘ chew’s and some latte and u angling for booty. The expression and pining for her sweet affection ofcourse will get u the “for ol’ time sake puddsy” in record time!
Only do that if u trying a trick move.
Guys dont cry over split milk(a bird that flew away) like that,no matter how sweet she was. U simply take a mental note that u slipped,if u were the reason for the demise of the relationship and try to correct that in the next one. If she was the guilty party coz some other “better” dude got her, just charge it to the game,improve urself and get some easy bootey to relieve stress.
Never admit openly to her that u licking ur wounds..what man does that??
Whats up folks??!!
Leggs
June 1st, 2010
10:15 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SLIMONE!!!!
Rell
June 1st, 2010
10:15 am
I’m asking because a lady I know told me that once a guy has ended something with a woman, they never think about her
- yep – its almost like i was never married…i dont think or talk about her period…..or even that period of time….its just blank…i cant remember most thinks we did
still waving ared!!!…lol
I am whatever you say I am
June 1st, 2010
10:17 am
best way to get over someone is to get under someone
Professor
June 1st, 2010
10:18 am
Hey Mo!
Hey Kimmie…in fact I would like some peach cobbler with that latte
Is it too early to drink? I will give you this paper cup and drink the sangria at lunch. The last sangria recipe you gave me was off the meter…I cannot see it getting any better, but I trust you.
Hey Leggs!
Leggs
June 1st, 2010
10:20 am
No, a man isn’t allowed to exress his pain in an external fashion.
Well, point blank, no fillers, no smiling for the masses ~ that person is not A MAN!