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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Archive for May, 2010

Dating 101: Don’t compare your date

Don’t bring up your ex on a first date, people.  I know that this seems like a no-brainer, common sense kind of thing.  I can even understand one random comment about your past relationship.  However, any mention of your ex that somehow makes it seem as if they are the measuring stick for all future relationships is a huge no-no.

It is probably normal to glamorize about a past relationship or fling to the point that you actually leave out the crazy things that happened with them.. It’s just bad form to constantly compare the ex to the next.  Why do you think things ended if they were so wonderful and great?

I know the ladies have a bad habit of doing this dating faux paus, but I believe men do it too.  I have fought not to roll my eyes as one guy raved about his ex girlfriend and her “industry connections” and her ivy league education (ok, I was impressed by that one), and their travels around the world.  Did I want to hear about it all the time? Absolutely not.  I …

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Distracted Dater

When it comes to meeting someone who shares your interests, it’s all about doing the things you already love doing.  Once you get out of the house and to your event, get off your cellphone long enough to mix and mingle when you arrive.  You don’t have to talk to every single person in the room, but making eye contact at events can lead to …something.

At least it did for me when I had that  nice encounter, I ended up with a good connection.  If I stop traveling long enough, maybe I can figure out if there is real potential.  Which brings me to my point. I’m not sure how focused I am on dating and relationships.

Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t facilitate discussions on a dating blog, would I even be concerned about dating at all?  Do you ever get to the point where you feel to distracted by “life” and obligations to worry about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Has your free time become the last precious leisure moments in your life that you don’t want to devote to …

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Shacking up, southern style

I received a review copy of an outrageously funny book, Just Don’t Call Me Ma’am: How I Ditched the South, Forgot My Manners, and Managed to Survive My Twenties With (Most Of) My Dignity Still Intact (Best book title ever, right?!) by author Anna Mitchael.   Mitchael perfectly described what it’s like to be a twenty something woman going against her southern roots and finding her own way, much to the chagrin of her opinionated family.  Let’s just say I can relate!

The book is packed with gems like “well-traveled” va-jay jays and “olfactory glands don’t lie”  that truly had me laughing uncontrollably.  One particular chapter was about Cohabitation Crimes, a somewhat cautionary tale about shacking up.   Living with your partner is a big no no to southern parents who are hardcore about traditional relationships.

Mitchael described her foray into shacking up as the  time she spent living in “Too Close for Comfort Without Breaks for Federal Taxes or Non-Monogamous …

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Dealing with rejection? Don’t take it personally

It’s never fun when you have to let someone know you are no  longer interested.  I’ve been on both sides of this and I really don’t know which is the most awkward side! There are many reasons why we rule each other out (some of them are silly) but whatever the reason we check out, it’s the egos that suffer the most.

I know what you’re thinking.  How can it be that people don’t see how wonderful you are?  <<–That’s ego. I got a big one, too.  So when you put your best foot forward and the person decides to end things, what is the best way to handle it?  I can remember asking a guy a battery of “exit interview” kind of questions because I just could not grasp why he didn’t see how purrrrrfect we were for one another.  It was a bad scene, man.

I almost understand why guys try to do all that they can to avoid the post-relationship carnage conversation.  So when you have a big *cough* ego, how do survive the dating scene?

How do you handle it when someone you are trying to …

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Undateable: how do you measure up?

I heard about a new book called “Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex.“  Obviously the book title is tongue in cheek but it certainly says a lot about how self-absorbed single people can be.  Only 311 bad moves that can torpedo your chances with women, really?!

The authors probably read our blog to get some great stories of deal breakers, bad first dates, or general misadventures in dating.  We all know how many silly and completely ridiculous reasons single people can come up with not to date one another.  We can deem someone undateable for the most random stuff, but how do we measure up?

Is it possible that we have all these requirements and checklists for the people we date because we are insecure?  I don’t mean to go all arm-chair psychologist on you guys, but it seems more like a defense mechanism then a coping tool.  Maybe we are undateable but we try to make it seem like it’s every one else. Would you date yourself?

Do …

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You got served, by the ex?

I’ve been reading more and more reports about wives who are pursuing litigation based on the “alienation of affection” laws.  This means that there are legal consequences for anyone who knowingly participates in an affair with a married person.

In North Carolina, a jury awarded Cynthia Shackelford $4 million in punitive damages and $5 million in compensatory damages! If that isn’t a cautionary tale about the risks involved with dating married men, I don’t know what is.  Obviously, single people aren’t the only ones mate poaching, so to speak.  I would be interested to know the statistics on how many are, though.

In situations where you meet someone great and they are not exactly out of the marriage “yet”, would you consider pursuing a relationship anyway?  Doesn’t the timing seem off when they aren’t completely free to be with you yet?

What would you do if you met and fell in love with someone who has not yet officially divorced? Would you tell them you can wait? Would …

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Dating a momma’s boy? Be grateful

I was tickled pink reading reporter, Alexis Stevens’ article on a recent survey about momma’s boys.  Not shocked at all to see that the south is a breeding ground (no pun, intended) for them. Honestly, I’ve always believed that not unlike spoiled princesses, men who are a little spoiled by their mums get a bad rap.

It’s sort of a mixed message out there for single men: hate your mother? You’re heartless and hate all women. Call your mother on the phone every week? You are a Momma’s boy who still has some growing up to do.  Which is it!? I’m sorry but it’s kind of silly to assume that a man who has a great relationship with his mother is somehow weak.  It’s possible to be close to your mother and still have appropriate boundaries.

Ladies, in my experience, when you find a man who is close to his mother and treats her with love and respect, you have a keeper! Who do you think taught him how to interact with you beyond whistling at your short skirts?

Do you think men who are …

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Should you change? Don’t make me makeover

Somehow we manage to fine one another, become attracted, and then start a dating relationship.  It isn’t until after we have become comfortable that we start suggesting that our partner start to make changes and vice versa.

Why are we always so excited about finding someone great, then start asking them to change into somebody else?  I’ve been guilty of this myself.  I had to catch myself from giving my guy a wardrobe makeover! He was dressed enough to get me, why did I suddenly make him my fashion pet project?

When you are in a relationship, do you ever get the urge to makeover your mate?  Have you ever “suggested” changes? From small to huge changes, do we really have the right to ask someone to makeover their appearances, personalities, or behavior?

What do you think? Are you of the “love me or leave me alone” school of thought? Or do you think, “they are making me a better man or woman?”

When is it ok to make the change and when is it a bad idea?

Happy …

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I got burned: Post-breakup behavior

A male friend of mine was lamenting about dating after his recent break up.  He was in a dating relationship for six years (!) and now that he is newly single, he’s not exactly ready to mingle yet.  The relationship ended badly and he had his heart broken.  This, of course, leads him to believe that women can’t be trusted, least of all with his heart.

I recognize the signs already. This is the evolution of a player.  This is when a woman or man has put their all into a relationship and it goes south.  They look back and think that it was not worth it and start to shift their perspective about relationships or the opposite sex.

I’ve been through this phase myself, so I can relate.  You simply can’t stay in Bitterville for long or you will end up being the Mayor! No good can come from moving there.  How do you keep things in perspective when you have been burned?

What do you do when your split with someone has affected you negatively? How do you make sure that you get …

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Is marriage the prize?

I was having a “get to know you” conversation with a guy I met downtown recently.  He mentioned something about the women he had been meeting and their urgency to get hitched.  I got the sense that he was trying to suss out if I had that burning desire to jump the broom.  His line of questioning kind of danced around the topic a bit.  I was rather enjoying his not so subtle way of asking me about my “time line” for my life.  I let him ramble on about it but I never outright told him I want to be married.

He finally said, “If dating is a game, then marriage is the prize isn’t it?”  Now, I am a fan of marriage (these days?) and I certainly know a lot of women who can’t wait to marry the men that they love.  However, I don’t know if it’s marriage that is the prize. I think the man  is the prize! Isn’t it better to consider it that way?

Marriage will have its ups and downs and there will be moments when you won’t feel like its even worth it.  Isn’t this when you think …

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