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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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What if chemistry didn’t exist?

I don’t think anyone can ever explain the chemistry that exists between two people who really desire one another.  It’s impossible to predict, understand,  or destroy – I have attempted all three.  I think so many times we get hung up on that feeling of intense desire and attraction that we forget how to put it in it’s proper place.  What is it’s proper place?

Do you let go of a wonderful person because they don’t do it for you? Do you expect the person who does it for you, to always give you that feeling of intense chemistry?  How long can that feeling possibly last before you settle into the reality of one another, instead of the “idea” of one another.

The reality is that there is much more to love and relationships then chemistry. Yet, a lot of times, we won’t let a potential romance start without it. Are we fooling ourselves?  What would happen if chemistry between two people didn’t exist. How would we determine who we truly connect with and who we shouldn’t?

If we didn’t have chemistry, do you think our dating experiences would be less romantic?

369 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

May 26th, 2010
11:46 am

Morning Everyone
If I like talking to you, like spending time with you, like being intimate with you, like your plan, and you like those same things about me, then we can keep going and see where it ends up. If that’s chemistry, then yeah I need that. If chemistry is some intangible feeling of butterflies or whatever, then I don’t have to have that.

Sometimes, changing one’s perception can be the difference in changing chemistry with someone else.
Gabrielle Keep ‘em coming.

kimmie

May 26th, 2010
11:51 am

Melo – your 11:42, now that is more like it, I agree. So sweet about you & your boo! :)

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
11:55 am

LadyJ: You ask alot of questions with tangents so I’m going to break your post down like so but before I do, why did you not respond with I know what I want instead of the defensive and predictive “And Men…” response?

1. “and men do” – 96% of them do yes
2. “they get it right” -Nowhere in my post did I ever mention that right or wrong
3. “and we are forever ignorant to the fact?????” – Again nowhere in my post did I mention that women are “forever ignorant to the fact”.
4. “men make things compilcated and difficult too” – Yes they do and if you look behind every aspect of a man’s personal life that’s complicated and difficult there you will find a woman.
5. “we view and will forever view the opposite sex as women are from venus and men are from MARS” – Nope I have disagree. If woman would simply control their emotions like that do at work and take some responsibility for the choice SHE made, then all of would simply fall back to the planet you are from.

kimmie

May 26th, 2010
11:58 am

Lady J – Baby, why did you open that can of worms with 4Real?LOL!!! Pay him no mind!

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
11:59 am

your tone can’t be ignored either for real but I digress….thanks for the breakdown and yes I do ask many questions to unclear statements…….

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:00 pm

Kimmie: I think it comes back on in June or maybe confusing it with Burn Notice and Leaverage but I cool right now as far as my the TV is concerned because Breaking Bad is on and it’s the best show on TV. Those writers are the bomb!!! Speaking of Archer did you ever see the Honeypot Episode?

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
12:00 pm

kimmie i can’t ignore his tone about how silly women act and it is OUR fault for everything about a relationship failing….not he doesn’t type it but his TONE says it all! but hey who am I just a moniker right! ha! lol kimmie!

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
12:03 pm

and again its all opinions so i will respect his and hush bc we will never find a median which is cool….lol

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:04 pm

LadyJ: Awwww come on now I have been blogging long enough now for you to have a since of personality. So let go of your perceived tone of mines and respond to my response of your response.

Kimmie: I’m like a traffic accident. You can’t help but look.

Raqi

May 26th, 2010
12:06 pm

What if chemistry didn’t exist?

You have got to have chemistry. You have got to have that connection. It exists in friendships so you know it has to exist to some extent in romantic/intimate relationships. We aren’t friends with people we don’t share some type of connection with.

Now while chemistry, that connection, has to exist in some form it surely alone cannot make for a successful and great or even good relationship. Having that meeting of the spirits may bring us into like realms but it’s the meeting of the minds and souls that are the makings for a successful relationship. We have got to like each other. We have to possess the skills to communicate with and get each other.

However back to chemistry, we have got to want each other. Want to be in each other’s company. Miss each other when apart for some time. That chemistry provides the fuel for that “umph” we often feel for each. That magnetism. That thing that makes us happy doing nothing together.

See it’s easy for two people to enjoy, let’s say hiking together. They are both engaging in something they like. It’s that mutual like that has them together and is keeping them entertained. They are distracted by that mutual like. But ask, if away from that mutual like is there an inner connection? Can they do nothing together? With chemistry you are drawn to that person away from all else. But when it comes to all else it takes everything else outside of just chemistry to make it.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
12:06 pm

cool beans bruh! lol

kimmie

May 26th, 2010
12:08 pm

I’m like a traffic accident. You can’t help but look.

4Real – A train wreck is more like it! LOL!! And yes, Honeypot, hillarious!

I agree, SO got me into Breaking Bad, he records it, yes it is excellent!

Off to lurnch!

Luvbug

May 26th, 2010
12:08 pm

Men usually approach women. Is your (a man’s) approach usually lead by chemistry?

Kym

May 26th, 2010
12:09 pm

Chemistry is not just physical to me. When I think of chemistry it is just there has to be something a bit deeper than that..not just the sudden bam lets get naked!! To me..chemistry is related to what Gabby said..but…. I am just not for that whole hunt and peck,find something so you can say you have chemistry, cause this is a good guy and you should keep him around, because he is a good guy ,and eventually you will find something to like about him, stuff…Whew!!! That is exhausting to thinking about.

Dan

May 26th, 2010
12:10 pm

“Can they do nothing together?” “Can they be quiet together?”

Is the key to it all….Great point Raqi.

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:12 pm

Raqi: “You have got to have chemistry. You have got to have that connection.” THEN YOU SAY: “Now while chemistry, that connection, has to exist in some form it surely alone cannot make for a successful and great or even good relationship.” – Now class that’s called a “Contradiction” – Question if it’s such a “MUST HAVE” why is and I’m quoting here “it’s the meeting of the minds and souls that are the makings for a successful relationship.” is the key to success if CHEMISTRY is SOOOOOOOOOOO important?

Dan

May 26th, 2010
12:14 pm

@Luv

A man’s approach may be defined by:

Your shoes,
Your eyes,
The way your butt fits in them jeenz,
Your hair,
Your smell,
Your left boobie,
Your walk,
How long it’s been since…

all at the same time.

There’s no general statement to be made about why men approach. If you want to think about it, think about why they approach you. But do so on an individual basis.

Kym

May 26th, 2010
12:14 pm

EXACTLY Raqi!!! Can you spend time in quiet comfort with this joker? Can the mere fact that he is in the house, not in the room be enough for you? Does her presence make you feel loved? Not just the physical..but the thought of that person feel you with a sense of joy..then to me that is chemistry..you can’t make it up or buy it in a bottle.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
12:16 pm

Chuckling softly……..

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:17 pm

Kimmie: Imma wear that outfit to the blog fest. You want judge me will you? Your SO is a bright man.

Luvbug: “Is your (a man’s) approach usually lead by chemistry?” – Men approaching women has nothing to do with your soul, your spirit, how good or bad of person you are, or your likes or dislikes, men approach woman because (DRUM ROLL PLEASE) BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!! He will figure the other ish out but for right now you look good and he’s got a semi. What’s a dude to do?

Melo

May 26th, 2010
12:17 pm

Is your (a man’s) approach usually lead by chemistry?

@Luvbug??

Nope. approach is led by the step,bounce,smile and physique i like and am drooling over.

When i get to hear u speak and how u treat me and how u do the back and forth..that either reinforces my like/lust or kills the passion.

The chemistry gets developed/or goes flat ..blah! as we sit tgether,side by side or eye ball to eye ball,watching a ball game,munching on nuts and pop corn or as we chop on that steak and mash potato dinner I ordered for u at the steak house. :lol:

Dig That

May 26th, 2010
12:18 pm

Good Afternoon peeps- Too much to catch up on but…….

“I hear A LOT of women who dismiss really great guys as “just friends” because “There’s just no chemistry!” Then they wonder where all of the good men are. Hello! There’s one RIGHT in front of you!”

@gabrielle- I have always said that to women and they argue me down. Which always made me draw the conclusion that most women would not even know a good man anyway so that is why they seem to wind up with the ones they want to complain about all day

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:21 pm

Kym: Like I said fugg Love and fugg Chemistry. Give me “LIKE” cause without that you can’t do none of that mushy stuff you mention in your post. Now, I expect mushy/quirky from Raqi but you? Do I need to change the topic to Morehouse and play-plya dranks again?

Dig That

May 26th, 2010
12:21 pm

@Raqi- I would have to agree with your 12:06p

Luvbug

May 26th, 2010
12:22 pm

Dan – So a dude may not be attracted to you, but attracted to your shoes?? That’s unfortunate.

I guess I’m still not sure what chemistry includes.

sidenote: I know the weeks of misspelling has been killin some of yall…but I’ve given up on making corrections. :lol:

JtJ

May 26th, 2010
12:23 pm

Afternoon Folks,

Chemistry can defined as that spark that is felt when you share similarities in tastes, likes, dislikes, compatible personalities and mindsets. Heck, even a friendship has to have some type of “chemistry” to exist and remain a real friendship. In relationships, the chemistry has to be there in order to see the potential in it and to want to go forward to see and explore more.
Meeting someone for the 1st time can allow each to see if the chemistry is there. Once either person recognizes, they will want to get know more and see more of that person. Now, some guys may go out with a woman several times, even though he may not feel there is a real chemistry there, other than a sexual chemistry. Women (myself) on the other hand, have a hard time doing this. I know personally I have dated guys who I felt we didn’t share enough common interests and our personalities clashed to pursue a relationship with and this conclusion was not based off 1 date or an initial meeting. Now, other things can turn you off in a 1st date/meeting that can cause you to say “no, he doesn’t do it for me”. You do yourself and the person you are dating a disservice if you continue to date them knowing you don’t feel enough chemistry that is necessary for a good relationship.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
12:26 pm

jtj I agree good post…..

Melo

May 26th, 2010
12:28 pm

guess I’m still not sure what chemistry includes

@Luvbug?? Try this….

do u like each other’s company even when u aint smash buddies??

now,if he dont have a job,stays with mama and needs a ride from u to go to the tennis grounds but good to hang out with,are u going to explore a relationship wiuth him….?? :arrow:

or if he has a good job,ride,nice house but he aint tall to ur liking,are u going to stop and smile back and listen when he hollas at u and see if chemistry can be developed???

Take ur pick!

For Real (My Hypocrisy Only Goes So Far)

May 26th, 2010
12:30 pm

jtj: “Now, some guys may go out with a woman several times, even though he may not feel there is a real chemistry there, other than a sexual chemistry.” – You defined chemistry with a wide swath now you defining as “real chemistry” and “sexual chemistry”. One should never make a decision based upon things which they do not know the meaning.

Melo

May 26th, 2010
12:31 pm

don’t feel enough chemistry

@JtJ??

is it a feel thang or it is what comes outa their mouf??

Dig That

May 26th, 2010
12:34 pm

@For Real–Now I can join in because I haven’t read anything until now that is actually distinguishing the 2 because there is a big difference. I find often that it all comes out especially after the smashing gets old.

I am whatever you say I am ...Quoting Biggie All Day

May 26th, 2010
12:40 pm

“….What’s beef? beef is when you need two gats to go to sleep
Beef is when your moms ain’t safe up in the streets….”

Dreams Mat? you still go the key to the licka cabinet?

I need some Bacardi to go with my coke

JtJ

May 26th, 2010
12:54 pm

@ For Real- Maybe I should say a “genuine chemistry”, not that fake crap just cause he/she may look good to you—You know exactly what I am talking about. Don’t act like you don’t know the difference between a sexual chemistry vs. a real/genuine chemistry that can be discovered only after you have talked and discovered enough about a person.

My definition of chemistry may not work for you, but it works just fine for me—That is how I see it.

@ Melo- for me…chemistry is mixture of feelings about their personality, their appearance, their ambitions and more. It ain’t just about money/sex for me and I am sure, a lot others.
You all keep stabbing at other people’s definitions of chemistry but no one can define something for someone else!!

My definition of chemistry has allowed me to find a fine specimen of a man and I can say that honestly say that if I didn’t feel something from our initial dates, there would not have been enough there to pursue a relationship.

Raqi

May 26th, 2010
12:56 pm

LOL Kym, I wish I could figure out a way to bottle that stuff then my husband can retire next year and we can go live in a house on the lake and raise our little ones without the franticness of corporate america.

I am whatever you say I am ...Quoting Biggie All Day

May 26th, 2010
12:59 pm

<—-taking a sober lunch

AmazonRed™

May 26th, 2010
1:01 pm

“I hear A LOT of women who dismiss really great guys as “just friends” because “There’s just no chemistry!” Then they wonder where all of the good men are. Hello! There’s one RIGHT in front of you!”

I know a lot of good men. Good men who aren’t for me. The above suggests that I don’t deserve or should settle for a guy who’s just “good” and doesn’t incite any sort of passion or romantic feelings.

I’m willing to wait a little longer, (or possibly forever) for a guy who is good and have chemistry with.

I don’t think that’s asking for a lot either.

Raqi

May 26th, 2010
1:02 pm

Man we would make a killing selling “Chemistry in A Bottle”. Just kind the person you like and slip some in their drink or food and viola instant long lasting chemistry.

Come to think of it there is a product out on the market already that does not, however with temporary results. It’s called LIQUOR.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
1:02 pm

I would imagine in the start of working from home self discipline could be a challenge…..geesh…..I need to create an office workstation the bed isn’t getting it…..lol sigh…..

Dig That

May 26th, 2010
1:08 pm

@LadyJ- Yep. Get you a workstation, bed never worked for me either.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
1:10 pm

I will go out and buy a desk and accessories and set up shop so I can master my theory for couseling……lol

Raqi

May 26th, 2010
1:11 pm

Kimmie, if you are here imma be ready to discuss Grey’s with you in about 5 minutes. I have to go change my pants because I spilled water on myself trying to do too many things at one time. My friend Isabelle is standing here looking at me like “I know your grown arse didn’t just pee your pants”. LOL

Trevor0529 - 3 until 42

May 26th, 2010
1:12 pm

I would imagine in the start of working from home self discipline could be a challenge

@LadyJ, it always is. My office workstation is in on my couch with my laptop and the TV in front of me.
:)

Melo

May 26th, 2010
1:14 pm

…..I need to create an office workstation the bed isn’t getting it

@Lady J??

the bed is a work station..what u talking about..not for the laptop ofcourse….unless if u intend lap dance! :lol:

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
1:19 pm

melo real talk I read an article once when I was married nothing should be in the bedroom but the bed! LOL it is a type but thankfully my bed is out of operation for that in my mama’s house! lol

trevor lol too funny!

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-Princess Cut & Radiant;Never have to front....

May 26th, 2010
1:20 pm

trevor it is the tv more than anything at least in my classroom the tv was off lol

Melo

May 26th, 2010
1:20 pm

It ain’t just about money/sex ??

@JtJ..sexual chemistry even sexual geography wont get u far. U need more than that.

Money chemistry will take u a lil further..check the Real baskeball Heifers/Hoes of the NBA..but u will still stumble if its not premised on good,solid core values of the person..

Chemistry is what u get,well after u have forgotten the day he banged u for the very first time!

i'm swiss

May 26th, 2010
1:21 pm

Lady J — Bed is the perfect place to “work” from home… ;-) Of course, if you’re actually working and not “working” then, yeah, some kind of work space is needed.

I’ve got the perfect happy medium at the new crib. We’ve got this little enclosed patio room / sun room — lots of windows; when the weather’s nice, I throw open the double-doors to the deck; TV; stereo; wetbar close by… Ideal working conditions! :lol:

Kym

May 26th, 2010
1:23 pm

@ForReal..what does that mean..from me? I like love and romance just like anyone else. Look here boss..no one wants to just sit around with some joker..breathing on you cause you in deep LIKE with him. I am not trying to learn to LIKE someone for the rest of my life. I plan to retire, buy an RV and drive around the USA seeing the sites..I know me..if the LIKE wears off..then I am going to have to put him out at the rest stop..or push him over into the Grand Canyon..cause he has gotten on my last nerve!

Trevor0529 - 3 until 42

May 26th, 2010
1:25 pm

We’ve got this little enclosed patio room / sun room — lots of windows; when the weather’s nice, I throw open the double-doors to the deck; TV; stereo; wetbar close by… Ideal working conditions!

@Swiss, now THAT is an office workstation!!
:lol:

Willie Dynamite

May 26th, 2010
1:25 pm

Afternoon All,

I have no clue how to define or explain what is Chemistry. Its kinda like how ol boy explained Porn back in the day ‘I know it when I see it’. I also think its something that you either have with a person or you dont.

4Real – I’ll partially agree with you bout love/chemistry/like. But I will say this, Many days I love the wifey but cant stand her azz. Like will keep me around only until I like something else.