Put a (big?) ring on it
I’m not one of those women who dreamed about their wedding day since childhood. I’m sure I pictured having a family at some point but weddings and engagements just didn’t seem on my radar. I remember when one of my friends got engaged last year and she was sort of horrified at the way her then boyfriend proposed. She was even more disappointed in the size of the ring. I found it odd because she didn’t seem the type to get hung up on this kind of thing.
How important is the ring and the proposal, though? When you are watching the person you (hopefully!) love spill out their heart and risk the ultimate rejection, is their ring selection really an issue? A lot of my male friends tell me that if their woman even uttered a complaint about their engagement ring, it’s going back to the store. Not sure if they have found themselves in this situation but if it happened, I think they mean it!
Ladies, would the size of an engagement ring make a difference when you know they can afford something bigger and more elaborate?
What is the protocol when the ring becomes an issue? Ignore it? Discuss it? How do you handle it?
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490 comments Add your comment
SlimOne...Single Sex in the City
May 24th, 2010
2:14 pm
‘i can hardly believe you sat through that mess’
cz – well I, for whatever reason, tend to watch stuff like that…even used to watch the show about the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. It just amazes me how folks do that sort of thing for a living…big, small, ugly, fugly, stank, etc….you have to give them the experience they pay for and ACT like you like it.
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
2:15 pm
Yeah SexyCool, that would totally negate the “Until death do us part” part of the vows. LOL
Well unless when things go down hill he plans to…nah I would hope not.
czBrat
May 24th, 2010
2:15 pm
LMAO @ Amazon!!
SexyC …. those are the ones that are buying a fat insurance policy before the ink dries on the marriage license.
czBrat
May 24th, 2010
2:17 pm
It just amazes me how folks do that sort of thing for a living…big, small, ugly, fugly, stank, im with you on that. somewhere between admiration and facination.
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
2:17 pm
Slim, you are talking about CatHouse.
I have woke up a couple of times to find that playing after falling asleep watching an HBO movie or series. That and pornuco…whatever it is.
SexyCool13
May 24th, 2010
2:19 pm
Speaking of insurance policies…
The tv happened to be on an episode of Snapped when TheDude turned the television on yesterday. It was a case where the lady killed her husband and it was later learned that she had $1.1mil in insurance policies on dude that no one knew about.
TheDude asked that I not take out any policies on him without him knowing about it. And said that he would do the same.
LMAO!
Melo
May 24th, 2010
2:19 pm
okay this is hubby/wife number one”.
@Dan??
i remeber Larry was being interviewd on his show by Anderson Cooper i think and he had Shawn and the kids on….and one of his lines then,when he was asked about porior marriages etc,he said.”This is it”……that was number 6……
number 7 wife is a real possibility. unless he can live with this infidelity..Wife phluckked by kids baseball coach..his bones phluccked the sister to Shawn(if there is ever such a thang as him phucking anybody at his age)
come to think of it..what did the sister admire??
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:20 pm
I think that’s the plan for most people
now that was funny
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
2:21 pm
SexyCool, I know, right? LOL
czBrat
May 24th, 2010
2:24 pm
oh… and a bit of repulsion. i forgot to mention repulsion! LOL LOL
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
2:26 pm
Raqi, did you get a chance to watch Greys or the Private Practice finales yet?
Professor
May 24th, 2010
2:27 pm
…stepping in.
Are we still on weddings and rings?
SlimOne...Single Sex in the City
May 24th, 2010
2:28 pm
Raqi – yeah CatHouse…that’s it…i used to watch RealSex too. I found it interesting how folks would go to these little retreats with strangers lay on the floor and breath all over each other bucket nekkid. More often than not, the other couples would not even be attractive…but i guess it’s no different than going to a place like Trapeze.
Melo
May 24th, 2010
2:28 pm
I think to his credit,Dan is being more careful than most folks who marry….
thats a good thing.
phine boooty and cute face dont make a good wife………
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:28 pm
Please don’t spoil the Grey’s Finale for me. Watching it tonight!
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
2:31 pm
Okay Amred, you and Raqita, if she hasn’t already, are going to have to go on and watch this thing, so we can DISCUSS!!LOL!!!
Professor
May 24th, 2010
2:34 pm
Melo tell us what makes a good wife or a good husband? I just knew you would add that booty and face in the mix.
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:35 pm
kimmie – I know! Half my FB friends list is “hidden” cuz they were talking too much about it!
My social life has totally impacted my TV viewing….
I have plans tonight but will be racing home so I can watch it before heading out again.
I also have to watch the two seasons of “True Blood” before the new season starts June 13! lol
Dan
May 24th, 2010
2:36 pm
@Ared
I do my due diligence prior to making any decision. Thus, the sharing of my life, heart, and assets is a decision to not take lightly – for me.
I can’t speak on anyone else’s motivation (ever) because I don’t really know. And to that end, neither did husbands/wives #1,2, or 6.
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:36 pm
:_
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:36 pm
:O
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
2:36 pm
Kimmie, no. It’s on my agenda for tomorrow evening. Friday after dinner we got into a Wii challenge that lasted for hours. And then I was pretty busy Saturday during the day and that evening after we went for a walk I was ready to get in the shower and then to bed. Didn’t watch yesterday because we were at the b-i-l pretty late.
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:37 pm
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:37 pm
:/
It's me....lurker
May 24th, 2010
2:38 pm
:S
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:39 pm
I can’t speak on anyone else’s motivation (ever)
That’s nice, but it’s safe to assume that most people don’t PLAN to get divorced. The responses on this blog are evidence enough.
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:40 pm
kimmie – Looks like we can schedule our discussion for Wednesday. lol
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
2:41 pm
Kimmie, it’s a discussion date for Wednesday afternoon. The little one has her first gymnastic class Wednesday morning so I will be available to give my thoughts on the shows later that afternoon.
Melo
May 24th, 2010
2:41 pm
Melo tell us what makes a good wife or a good husband?
@Proff??
no two mixes are alike…u messhing two divergent pple and personalities..what may be a good and perfectly phine hubby for u aint so for the next woman and vice versa….
the key is not to go by what Other pple like etc but what U like and are truly comfrtable with…..u have to know urself coz smetimes pple dont…
I didnt know i like bootey that much untill after i was in my first marriage!
almost broke my neck while married. first time…. 
I am whatever you say I am
May 24th, 2010
2:42 pm
off topic and geared to non atlantians living here:
have any of you had friends that moved here and then within or year or so wanted to leave and moved. What were their reasons for wanting to go?
Do you feel like you keep losing friends because the ones you make end up moving?
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:44 pm
I am – One of my friends lasted 3 months here in ATL.
When I moved here, my sister, my cousin and my BFF all lived here. They all left within 6 months of me being here.
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
2:44 pm
Amred & Raqi – It’s a date!LOL!!
I am whatever you say I am
May 24th, 2010
2:48 pm
amazon: I feel real sad when that happens.
its hard enough to make friends and when I do, they move
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
2:48 pm
I am – Make friends with natives! We’re really kinda cool, if you can find us!LOL!!
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:51 pm
I am…until I moved here, I was always the one doing the moving.
I have a good group of friends here now who aren’t going anywhere. The problem is one is married, one just got married, one lives with her man and the other is having a baby. Needless to say, they don’t have time like they used to.
So, I’m spending more time with my “fringe” friends!
Melo
May 24th, 2010
2:54 pm
I’m spending more time with my “fringe” friends
@Ared??
try and spend more time with the 2 married ones. and let ur guy tag along….
that might work just phine……in ur favor.
Leggs
May 24th, 2010
2:55 pm
@DK one of my friends were still paying for her wedding after her divorce.
WOW, I had to stop there. This has never made any sense to me. Why spend all that money on the wedding if you really can’t afford it? Why borrow to finance it. I paid everything with cash. Paying for a wedding 7 yrs later, or after a divorce may make me want to shoot myself. I can’t even imagine.
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:57 pm
try and spend more time with the 2 married ones. and let ur guy tag along….
melo – Good idea. We’ve done some couples things. Everyone really loves my guy so folks want him around.
The problem is…the married ones have a lot more money (seemingly) than we do. That can be awkward.
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
2:58 pm
Why spend all that money on the wedding if you really can’t afford it?
My mother offered to mortgage her house for my wedding.
She eloped in Vegas with my dad. I’m glad she raised me with some sense, even tho it’s seems she’s lost some along the way!
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
3:00 pm
Leggs – My mom used to say weddings are for rich folks! Not that you can’t have a nice celebration, but, like everything else, do it WITHIN YOUR MEANS! No way am I going into debt to try & impress & feed a bunch of folks that are not going to help me pay one bill! And no matter how much you spend, will still have “something to say” about everything and critique the whole affair!
Misplaced priorties
It’s why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer!
Leggs
May 24th, 2010
3:01 pm
@kimmie ~ I watched Grey’s, but we can’t say anything cuz Raqi hasn’t seen it yet. You guys did good not to spill anything out on the blog last week. Outstanding finale!! Pls hurry up, Ms. Raqi.
czBrat
May 24th, 2010
3:02 pm
i am. i was the first to come here knowing no one at all. most of my fam and my closest friend have sinced moved here and stayed (happily!). those who have tried and given up complained first of lower salaries and also of public transportation. my peeps are generally from NYC. s/o will have lots of fam in town this weekend from socal and he plans to show them the town and try to encourage them to make the move. he anticipates most of them will be put off by the lower salaries … especially since they fall into the unskilled labor category (his assessment, not mine).
as for my kids (now 20 and 18), they both plan to bail out of atl to fla as soon as they can support themselves. they prefer sand & surf over urban jungle
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
3:03 pm
Amred/Melo – It is kind of a different world, hanging out with other committed couples. And yes, the effect on your relationship can be a very positive one. The folks we hang out with are good people – a positive vibe all the way around that is infectious!
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
3:07 pm
that are not going to help me pay one bill
Kimmie, which is why we were more than okay with my brother (no wife and no kids) and brother-in-law paying for our after ceremony extravaganza. LOL Not that we could not afford to however you best believe if we had paid for it there would have been less people invited. So yeah we had a big bash but those that paid sent out the invites and put together the menu, drinks and music. We just showed up.
I don’t like a couple of the folks that showed up but as long as no craziness jumped off I was okay with them celebrating with us.
Leggs
May 24th, 2010
3:08 pm
@ARed ~ one of societal myths is the “big wedding.” Your mother offering to mortgage her house was her way of saying if that’s what you want, that’s what she’s willing to do so you can have that. More and more women are realizing the big wedding isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. Women need to stop concentrating on the ceremony and concentrate more on the marriage. Even if I was younger, I couldn’t rationalize spending all that money on a ceremony when I know it could be put to better, lasting use! All ceremonies come to an end, but the downpayment on a house is so much more rewarding.
Melo
May 24th, 2010
3:08 pm
And yes, the effect on your relationship can be a very positive one. The folks we hang out with are good people – a positive vibe all the way around that is infectious!
@Ared/Kimmie..
true dat..even when they have more money,as long as they act very mature and sensible and dont do crazzy or awkward jokes/ comments to put ur guy and u outa place.
that can be a good role model vibe kinda thang,esp to the guy so he sees marriage as not all Doom and Gloom.
kimmie
May 24th, 2010
3:09 pm
Everyone really loves my guy so folks want him around.
Amred – Same here. And he is a guy’s guy – other guys seem to really like him!
I’m not really used to it, I must say, but it’s nice.
Raqi...142,127,65,C,66
May 24th, 2010
3:09 pm
czBrat, my son has told me he is not moving back here after he finishes school. Surprisingly he likes it up north.
AmazonRed™
May 24th, 2010
3:12 pm
And he is a guy’s guy – other guys seem to really like him!
Oh my goodness…yes. I’m getting used to the cigars, beer and dark liquor. (he keeps vodka for me tho
)
Nice indeed tho, kimmie!
I am whatever you say I am
May 24th, 2010
3:13 pm
Amazon: you sound like me
I used to always move.
I’ll try to make friends with natives if I can ever find any. I heard they were an urban legend.
I’ve joined a new church that seems a lot more friendly than my old church. Hopefully I can make more friends there.