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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Put a (big?) ring on it

I’m not one of those women who dreamed about their wedding day since childhood.  I’m sure I pictured having a family at some point but weddings and engagements just didn’t seem on my radar.  I remember when one of my friends got engaged last year and she was sort of horrified at the way her then boyfriend proposed. She was even more disappointed in the size of the ring.  I found it odd because she didn’t seem the type to get hung up on this kind of thing.

How important is the ring and the proposal, though?  When you are watching the person you (hopefully!) love spill out their heart and risk the ultimate rejection, is their ring selection really an issue?    A lot of my male friends tell me that if their woman even uttered a complaint about their engagement ring, it’s going back to the store. Not sure if they have found themselves in this situation but if it happened, I think they mean it!

Ladies, would the size of an engagement ring make a difference when you know they can afford something bigger and more elaborate?

What is the protocol when the ring becomes an issue? Ignore it? Discuss it? How do you handle it?

490 comments Add your comment

ShallowHolly

May 24th, 2010
12:07 pm

Me and to SO are talking about rings now. I told him straight up that I do not want a cheap looking ring but I don’t want anything huge either. The ring I picked out from Kay’s was 3K. He makes 56K this shouldn’t be a problem right? Now he is saying he wants to get my ring from the pawn shop or he only wants to spend 1K. I’m sorry I think I am worth more than 1K. He has been married before and he said he lied to his ex wife and brought her ring from a pawn shop for 1200K. So now I refuse to marry him unless I get the ring I want. Does this make me shallow?

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:07 pm

Okay, well the maid’s been doing it but still.

@It’s me….lurker

yeah,if the maid has been doing it and all u do is gossip with ur heiifer friends,dole urself with makeup,with ma money but ur sexx is wack,yep, im getting a trick and ur azz is :arrow: ex!
NEXT!

:lol: :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

May 24th, 2010
12:07 pm

CZ – Ive noticed that seems to be the MO for todays marriages.. If she doesnt rule the roost then the marriage is not a good one.. For some women.. Thats why the No work Swag is in full affect.. They had a dude they couldnt rule so they go and get a dude that doesnt work and has no choice but to accept being put in a skirt.. Fagedaboutit.. I know thats oneof the reasons my marriage didnt work, because I wasnt surrendering my pants and she saw her Aunts husbands being ran like Byatches..

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:08 pm

meant i wantED to fight that heifer! got over bc i was preggo! yep the sucka showed out @ my weakest point bc he already know no preggo they both would have got a wiffed of me! lol

married young & broke

May 24th, 2010
12:09 pm

That’s who I was when I proposed to my wife. I saved up two months of my salary back then and bought her a 1 carat solitaire, clear with excellent clarity. I told her that I was giving her the best that I could give at that time but as we did better in life I would continue to give her the best that I could give. I think it pretty shallow and shortsighted for a woman to view the engagement ring as the jackpot. My wife NEVER discussed what type of ring she wanted/required and we will be celebrating 15 years. My sister-in-law DEMANDED my brother purchase a specific style, minimum size, etc and they are getting divorced after spending every single year in counseling for the past 14 years. I told my brother when I accompanied him to buy the ring 14 years ago that it was a sign of bad character but he didn’t listen…

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:09 pm

Say it ain’t so ShallowHolly!!!!!!! Get it girl!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!

czBrat

May 24th, 2010
12:09 pm

great question Slim. i can only say that the tradition in our family has been to pay for it oneself because our parents are of very modest means. those who chose traditional weddings foot their own bills; others did the courthouse. i’m curious as to what’s prevalent though.

great post kimmie. i remember hubs gave me a box of chocolate covered cherries one valentine’s day after we’d been together several years. i cheerfully thanked him and stored the treats in the fridge. after a couple days he came to me all upset because i wasn’t eating them. he said ‘but you love chocolate’. i said ‘but when have you ever seen me eat a chocolate covered cherry’. i appreciate that he was trying to do something nice, but i’m a m&m kinda gal and proud of it! no way was i going to complain about the gift, but i wasn’t gonna choke them down either.

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:10 pm

@Melo- I have yet to see an off white wedding gown walking down the isle

One of my friends got married in a gold gown. It was a very light gold, but still not white. It was pretty.

She’s getting divorced. :(

It's me....lurker

May 24th, 2010
12:10 pm

Lady J – but lurker when it is over it is over

You’re right and I agree especially if we’ve detached emotionally but as the wife (til death do us part), I’m entitled…did I say that? I wouldn’t dare hang on to some dude that left way before ending it all but I’ll be daggone if he steps away from his marital responsibilities cause he ain’t digging the marriage no more. That’s what’s wrong today. Hey I’m bored or tired I want something better/new. Those vows are serious and should be taken as such. No green lights cause somebody turned your head. That’s why all those questions are asked BEFORE we take the leap, do you honor,cherish, love, obey, faithful….if you ain’t sure, say so then. Not after the fact.

But I hear you

kimmie

May 24th, 2010
12:11 pm

luangtom – I bet some Americans would find your customs unnerving too. But the great thing about America is that everyone is free to do whatever they wish and what feels right to them. And not be put down or ostracized for doing their own thing.

Leggs

May 24th, 2010
12:12 pm

“I picked out from Kay’s was 3K. He makes 56K this shouldn’t be a problem right? Now he is saying he wants to get my ring from the pawn shop or he only wants to spend 1K. I’m sorry I think I am worth more than 1K.”

All I can say is your moniker fits you so well…You may be pulling ourmy leg again, but you are trifling. BTW, 56K is not a lot of money!

It's me....lurker

May 24th, 2010
12:12 pm

yeah,if the maid has been doing it and all u do is gossip with ur heiifer friends,dole urself with makeup,with ma money but ur sexx is wack,yep, im getting a trick and ur azz is ex!
NEXT!

And whose fault is that? His. A real man will check that mess at the door. You can’t fix something you’ve allowed…yes allowed to go on. A real man can get a woman to do and comply easily.

JtJ

May 24th, 2010
12:13 pm

blog monster ate my post….

I know plenty of women who think they need a 5 carats or more. A nice 1 carat in white gold sits very well with me, that’s exactly what I got. I showed it to JT in a store one day and he went back the next day and bought it and kept it for 4 months at work. We got a good deal- 50% off of a $1700 ring and went back and got the bands month later- for 50% off, too.
We got to live after the wedding, so no sense in going into more debt than you handle especially if plan to purchase a new home together.

SlimOne...Single Sex in the City

May 24th, 2010
12:14 pm

‘I have yet to see an off white wedding gown walking down the isle’

Dig – i was watching one of those wedding shows on Oxygen, and this chick actually had a black lacy type wedding dress. It was very different to say the least. I wonder if I should get my wedding dress in bright Blood Red…lol

married young & broke

May 24th, 2010
12:14 pm

ShallowHolly – What does it matter how much he pays as long as it is a nice ring? Isn’t it a good thing to get a great deal on something, provided the quality is the same? Is it about the money or is it about the ring? What if he got a great deal on the ring and you two went on a fantastic vacation to celebrate with the money you saved, would that make it ok?

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:15 pm

from a person that took tlight of those vows Lurker I hear you back….we both din’t take our vows or marriage serious bc it was wrong from the start…..I don’t mind sharing that so everything that came to us we deserved dearly…..I hear you back chica! LOL

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:17 pm

chile getting someone to stay in something they have checked out of be it man or woman will put you in the ground first to sway them to stay! JMHO

ShallowHolly

May 24th, 2010
12:17 pm

56K is good money in today’s economy! Also I can’t help that I want what I want. If he is making 56K he should not be pulling out a 250.00 ring. That is just crazy to me! Especially if my parents and I have to pay for the wedding which will probably be around 10K….

kimmie

May 24th, 2010
12:17 pm

Shallow Holly – weren’t you on here just a few weeks ago saying because some of your friends were all getting engaged but started dating the same time you & your guy had. You said you & your guy were not near that point in your relationship & that both of you were overweight & not very “active”, etc. What changed that you are now ring shopping? If I’ve got you mixed up with someone else, sorry!

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
12:17 pm

@Slim- Get you a RED dress baby. I bet you would look beautiful.

@ShallowHolly- At least you have the right name.

JtJ

May 24th, 2010
12:18 pm

@ Slimone- I believe most couples pretty much pay for the wedding themselves with a little help from their parents, unless you got a trust fund and some wealthy parents.

We are paying for our own wedding and planning to do it debt free!!

@ Dig That/Melo- There are a lot of dresses that are not pure white. Most are Off-white or Ivory- my dress is Ivory.

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:18 pm

@It’s me….lurker ??

u been married be4,is that right??

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:18 pm

how do you tell and explain to someone how important their vows are???? that has to be within I think Lurker he or she must want to do right by them

ShallowHolly

May 24th, 2010
12:20 pm

Hi Kimmie it’s me! We have always disscussed getting married even though we are not active and fat. We love each other but it’s a strange kind of love. You know what I’m sayin?

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:20 pm

There are a lot of dresses that are not pure white

@JtJ..i know..Dig that didnt …….

I know a lot of folks who did not wear white but off white instead coz of that fornication and divorcee thang……

Professor...

May 24th, 2010
12:20 pm

@czBrat…I was shocked when I read your post. Her sister was out of line on so many levels. Folks like that scare me…it seems like she is just looking to start trouble in that relationship.

@Lori, hmmmm unless it is a pink, chocolate or canary diamond I would not be interested in using a semi-precious or a stone outside of a diamond. I just like the sparkle and the look of diamonds as the engagement ring.

On topic: You all already know how I feel. I would rather use the wedding money and all of that other stuff to build and save for the future. Instead of blowing it on a ring and wedding…a year later we are looking at each other mad and broke.

Hola!

kimmie

May 24th, 2010
12:21 pm

Dig- Remember that lady I wrote about on here, the “superwoman” that spoke at our women’s day at my church? She wore a champagne-colored dress. Half the weddings I’ve been to the dresses were an off-white or ivory. Went to one where the dress was pink.

I want baby blue.

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:22 pm

its hard to see it go away.that must be very depressing for a high school woman with nothing else to show for herself other than the kids she birthed with him…..

melo – She went to college with him.

And she was with him when he was nobody and had nothing. No wonder she’s taking it rather hard.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:23 pm

kimmie preach! LOL

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:23 pm

how do you tell and explain to someone how important their vows are

@Lady J??

thats the job of the pastor in premarital counselling etc..

but a lot of weddings these days dont have that pastor blessing tradition..pple make their own vows and they invite a gay pastor,of all pple, to come bring them tgether. in union…..

It aint the same anymore…lost value!

:lol: :lol:

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:25 pm

melo – She went to college with him.

@Ared??

my bad..now she must act like she went to college..not like Sheree! :lol;

JtJ

May 24th, 2010
12:25 pm

@ Melo- I chose Ivory because of my skin color-nothing to do with being a divorcee or “non-pure”…lol

Some of the biggest and most costly weddings that I have been a part of or attended , have all ended up in divorce only after a few years of marriage or the couple ends up in debt over their head. One couple specifically is still paying for their rings and wedding costs 7 years after their wedding. WTH!!!! Now, their marriage is about to end because they are arguing over money and lack of quality time-they both have to work 2 jobs to pay their bills…IDK??

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:27 pm

:lol @ melo – Sheree went to college too.

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
12:27 pm

Hey JtJ- I feel you. Weddings are definitely not my thing and do not attend very many so that was my observation from limited experience. It just always made me laugh because they all wore those white gowns and non of them virgins. No judgement, just observation. I feel like you can wear whatever you want to. Because none of it matters to anyone else accept the two that said I do

Leggs

May 24th, 2010
12:28 pm

@DigThat ~ yes, we both agree on her name!!

@kimmie ~ you don’t have her mixed up with anyone…

$56K, considering what his “overhead” is in life, it may not be a lot. Everything is relative, but you sound like you came from a treehouse and a trailer home would be an upgrade. Damn, girl, show appreciation for your man and what he wants to do with and for you and stop all this damn squawking!

SlimOne...Single Sex in the City

May 24th, 2010
12:29 pm

JtJ – it would be nice to have someone else pay for the wedding but I’d think they’d feel they would be entitled to having a say in making decisions….

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:29 pm

and to think melo we went and still failed!

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:31 pm

even did professional counseling during the demise….smh….imo when it is over it is over…..buton the flipside if we wanted to save it we could have too but it takes 2

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:31 pm

A nice 1 carat in white gold sits very well with me, that’s exactly what I got. I showed it to JT in a store one day and he went back the next day and bought it and kept it for 4 months at work.

JtJ – You’ve got a good dude. You wanted it, he could afford it, so he got it. Folks make such a big issue about stuff when they KNOW it’s something simple that brings joy to the other person.

That’s one reason why I appreciate my guy. My requests are resonable (usually :lol: ) and instead of making excuses, he just takes care of it. Love it.

AJC sucks

May 24th, 2010
12:32 pm

“Ladies, would the size of an engagement ring make a difference when you know they can afford something bigger and more elaborate?”

Dumbest question. Ever.

Liberalism = communism

May 24th, 2010
12:33 pm

If the size and cost of the ring is why women want to get married, then this society is in big big trouble.

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:35 pm

how do you tell and explain to someone how important their vows are

You don’t. Either you “get it” or you don’t. A lot of folks don’t!

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:37 pm

and to think melo we went and still failed!

@LadyJ

I know but smetimes its becoz u selection was wrong…..

a lot of times pple choose their girlfriends/girlfriends coz of physical attributes and not the person nor the home they are coming outa of…

I wldnt…

If the tradition of marriage aint that strong in ur home or fam DNA,im taking a pass, it dont matter i like,enjoy and am crazy about ur high perched bouncy bootey and cute face.. :lol:

Melo

May 24th, 2010
12:37 pm

grlfriends/boyfriends

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
12:38 pm

@Liberalism- Society has been in big trouble. Just add the ring subject to the list

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
12:41 pm

I was a debutante HS and we had to wear white dresses. I knew then that it was probably the only time I would wear a white dress and it wouldn’t be a sham. :lol:

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:41 pm

LMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:42 pm

melo you are a fool!!!!!!!! LOL

we were wrong for each other he is a cool dude and will make the right person a great husband…..I enjoyed are good times but we couldn’t get past the bad! yep should have left it in college! you live and learn!

JtJ

May 24th, 2010
12:42 pm

@ ARed..That’s how we try to keep things: SIMPLE. If it makes the other person happy and you can do it with no stress or issues, then just do it. The ring symbolizes the “committment” and the size does not measure how “much of a committment” by any means. A co-worker commented that my ring was not an “engagement” ring (It is a 3-stone ring). I said “it’s not a traditional one-stone engagement ring”, but it is exactly what I wanted. I guess she didn’t think I knew that.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
12:43 pm

ARed I agree!