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Put a (big?) ring on it

I’m not one of those women who dreamed about their wedding day since childhood.  I’m sure I pictured having a family at some point but weddings and engagements just didn’t seem on my radar.  I remember when one of my friends got engaged last year and she was sort of horrified at the way her then boyfriend proposed. She was even more disappointed in the size of the ring.  I found it odd because she didn’t seem the type to get hung up on this kind of thing.

How important is the ring and the proposal, though?  When you are watching the person you (hopefully!) love spill out their heart and risk the ultimate rejection, is their ring selection really an issue?    A lot of my male friends tell me that if their woman even uttered a complaint about their engagement ring, it’s going back to the store. Not sure if they have found themselves in this situation but if it happened, I think they mean it!

Ladies, would the size of an engagement ring make a difference when you know they can afford something bigger and more elaborate?

What is the protocol when the ring becomes an issue? Ignore it? Discuss it? How do you handle it?

490 comments Add your comment

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
8:34 am

When I was engaged to my ex, the proposal and the ring was perfect.
He didn’t get down on one knee but the way he orchestrated the evening was perfect for me.
I appreciate the fact that he paid attention to the type of jewerly I liked and got me a nice diamond on a white gold band. Perfect for me!
I think that if a man really knows you, he will get you something that you will enjoy within his budget.
If my ex had gotten me a gold marquis, yes it would have been out of character for me to wear but I would have worn it none the less.
The fact that someone wanted to marry me and to be upset about a ring is so narcissitic. Men, take at as a red flag not to marry if she gripes about the ring. Women, if you love this man accept any ring he gives you. Jewerly can be lost, replaced, broken, etc… love is supposed to last.
A lot of peopole don’t realize this but you are actually paying for your own ring if your man hasn’t paid for it in full buy the wedding day. Since your debt is joined when you get married.

Kym

May 24th, 2010
8:41 am

Good Morning All,

Okay this is going to be funny and shallow filled today. Alright here is my take and opinion on the whole “the ring is the thing”. If you are seriously in love with the person sitting across from you and you truly plan to love them for better or worse. You would love them if they gave you a ring out of a cracker jack box. Call me a hopeless romantic but I would take meaning over substance any day. I think your friend was a bit shallow Wisey I mean the size of the ring should not be used to measure the love the person has for you. I think that is why so many relationships and marriages windup in divorce court. I mean what happens when one spouse or both spouses..wind up on the unemployment line and in order to eat and keep a roof you have to pawn that ring?(I hear this story more now than ever) that is when the rubber is really going to meet the road.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
8:55 am

Kym i agree with your post…..I had a humble ring and truly not into rings like that….While i do admire others from afar bc they are pretty and unique I will happily take what is give……past was an hal carat, white gold, princess cut and it had great clarity………it was simple and classy…….the ring isn’t the glue though so it is not all that important…..substance and pure unconditional love for beeter or worse will carry you through and over the years many riches will come and some are priceless!

Good Morning Crew!

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
9:18 am

show me a woman that gripes about the ring her fiance bought her and I will show you her fiance marrying me :-D

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
9:19 am

Good morning!!!

Never been proposed to so can’t really speak on what or how i’d feel in regards to a ring I didn’t like. My main thing would be that he didn’t get me a gold ring because I don’t wear yellow gold. I’m a silver & white gold chick. So my hope would be that the guy i’m with would know at least that already.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
9:20 am

Leggs

May 24th, 2010
9:22 am

Good morning!

I’m with you Kym. If you truly love this person, a ring too small or a ring too big (God forbid) shouldn’t be an issue. The ring symbolizes his love for you not the size of the diamond. Like I am said, if he truly knows you, he’ll get you the ring he believes you will like.

Unfortunately, some get lost in the meaning of the ring and are caught up in the size of the stone hoping their friends will smile and not frown!!

Side note: Maysa was fabulous. If you have a chance to see her in concert, $$ well spent! I had a ball.

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
9:25 am

Ladies let’s be real, if you had a gargutuan rock (HUGE!!!) none of us would wear it. We would be too scared that we would get robbed!

abc

May 24th, 2010
9:27 am

I went for the rather large and highly rated diamond, in an incredible setting with more diamonds, and a couple of bands around that with yet more diamonds. I avoided the whole diamond disappointment thing by doing what I could to make sure she had the biggest, most sparkly ring in the room, everywhere we went. She says it’s a ring for queen.

I know that’s a bit of a copout. I think it’s a total waste of money, personally — except for that the whole diamond disappointment thing is covered, and she’ll never feel like it’s something into which I should have put more effort. There isn’t a counterpart for men, IMHO, to the diamond imperative. Men choose their rings based on how unintrusive they feel. “Will this piece of crap mess with my golf grip?” Ha.

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
9:27 am

I am – you have a point there. A huge rock like that would need to come equipped with a body guard. I don’t think a huge rock would look right on my hands because they are small & petite like me. ;-)

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
9:30 am

huge no i don’t think so hell it nevr happened…..upgrade me to one carat or 2 that will be new to me…..lol…..

Melo

May 24th, 2010
9:31 am

I avoided the whole diamond disappointment thing by doing what I could to make sure she had the biggest, most sparkly ring in the room

Daaaaaang abc! For all ur bravado talk against some female issues on the blog,who knew,when it comes to ur woman, u wld be such a wussy pushover!??? :lol:

Hilarious!!! :lol:

Morning gang!!

abc

May 24th, 2010
9:35 am

Yup, totally whipped, and proud to admit it! I might be a pit bull everywhere else, but as soon as I walk in the door at home, I’m a golden retriever puppy dog.

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
9:35 am

melo – Behave :lol:

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
9:44 am

For a lot of men, it seems like the ring size is equated to cahonas!
Before my ex bought me my ring, he would brag that it would have to be the biggest baddest ring so that any guy that tried to hit on me would know what they were up against.
My most recent ex was the same way.

In reality, my engagement ring (from 1st ex) was only .50 carats.
But to me, it was the baddest ring because it signified how he wanted to take our relationship to another level and it looked great on me.

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
9:46 am

A coworker of mine got slack from her friends because she didn’t have a ring.
They all shut up when she told them that instead of a ring, he bought her a house.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
9:53 am

after many years most take the rings off womenn and men……but everyone knows they are still married….me personally I would wear it to death do us part……

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
9:57 am

what is up with this tv morning line up I thought the jefferson’s came on……smh lol

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
10:01 am

An old co-worker of mine got engaged a few years ago and her ring was TEENY TINY….I know how women are when you mention the word “engaged” because they immediately go into Judge the Ring mode. The looks on their faces whenever they saw the ring was crazy. I sort of felt bad but she wore it with honor.

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
10:02 am

Good morning gang!!!!

Really not a lot to say on this subject except I wush a MF would talk smack about a ring I buy her when I am expressing my love and devotion at that point thru symbolism only. We should be deeper than that anyway to allow it be discouraging.
But I will ask this on a similar note. Is it truly the size of the ring or is it that you know he can afford more of a ring but you think he is just being cheap?

Trevor0529 - 5 until 42

May 24th, 2010
10:05 am

Good Morning,

I will be lurking today. I am recovering from oral surgery this past Friday. Have a good one.
:)

Kym-If you do 4 me..I will do 4 you.

May 24th, 2010
10:07 am

@DigThat..I am cheap..I mean Clark Howard cheap. I would much rather dude put that money toward retirement or something than the ring.

abc

May 24th, 2010
10:07 am

It’s not about just size. Too big is gaudy, and if you go over 2 carats and don’t spend at least $20K on the stone alone, it’s not going to have decent color, clarity and cut. A big ugly ring is worse than a 1/2 – 1 carat great diamond. Look at her hands; get something proportionate. Most chicks look fine with up to 2 carats and a setting suitable for her tastes.

That said, get her a band, too. She doesn’t want to wear the big rock all the time, it can be a pain.

czBrat

May 24th, 2010
10:08 am

GM All!!

funny …. we’ve just been deciding on rings this past week. i don’t know what it would have been like to not get the ring i ‘wanted’. i had no complaints with my first set because i selected them myself. turns out i’ll be picking my own again, so i expect i’ll be quite happy. first hubs also chose his own (nugget style), and s/o is now trying to figure out what he likes so he’ll be quite happy too. as for the proposal, yeah, got the one-knee both times …. private setting … and that was perfect :)

HiYa Leggs :)

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
10:09 am

I bet the same women that were talking smack about someone’s ring are still single.
Besides, if I’m comfortable with a ring someone gives me and I wear it proudly, why is someone else’s approval needed?

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
10:09 am

“Is it truly the size of the ring or is it that you know he can afford more of a ring but you think he is just being cheap?”

I think that’s a good question….i suppose if your dude was not that financially well off, the fact that he still even took the initiative to try to get you SOMETHING would mean just as much. You can always upgrade. A friend of mine knew her dude couldn’t afford such a lavish ring so she just told him not to get her a ring until he could get her something he wanted and could be proud of. She was like, no use in wasting money on something you aren’t happy with. So for the first year of marriage she went ringless…needless to say a year later she has a NICE azz ring that both of them are proud of.

I am whatever you say I am

May 24th, 2010
10:11 am

Heck! I would be happy with a ring like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Silver-Vintage-Engagement-Topaz-colored/dp/B001FDLAUK

It’s only $31.00. I’m sure any dude would not have a problem scraping together 30 bucks.

Leggs

May 24th, 2010
10:14 am

Hello, czB! That’s great you’re now looking at rings. Good for you. I see you smiling way over here!!!!

Randyt (AKA How do I find my way home...)

May 24th, 2010
10:14 am

Does the manner of proposal matter…Maybe.

Does the size of the ring matter…bet your a$$.

It is one of those things like Mother’s Day, women say it doesn’t matter, but the “man” will find out real dayum quick she was not being completely honest…AT ALL. (Have done okay with the ring parts, but have been singed badly by the other “it doesn’t matter”…yeah right.

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
10:17 am

@Kym- And that make would me happier to put you some money away for retirement than going in debt trying to get you a ring that cost more than a car, when all I really want is for you to know that I would treasure you and our vows more than any insignificant piece of jewelry that could be lost or stolen.

Randyt (AKA How do I find my way home...)

May 24th, 2010
10:20 am

abc is right on…money is a small price to pay for peace and contentment (and maybe gratitude but that doesn’t usually last).

Speaking of rings, I’ve often wondered what my ex did with that pretty big one I bought her in college that took me three years to pay off…hope she didn’t throw it away. I guess I don’t want her to give it to our daughter though, it has some bad karma attached.

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
10:20 am

I am~ lol that yellow threw me……lol

Melo

May 24th, 2010
10:26 am

lol that yellow threw me

@Lady J …..Me too girl!! :lol:

unless if I am is from Griffin GA! :lol:

whats up Randyt??!!

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
10:27 am

Raqi

May 24th, 2010
10:28 am

I think I received a pretty awesome proposal. One of the best parts of it is I can relate it to a song and every time I hear that song I remember that night. As for my ring…well, I’m happy.

I have heard woman talk about not liking their rings but chose not to say anything to their husbands/husbands-to-be for fear of hurting his feelings. I know a couple of women that make a big to do about their rings where one didn’t get married and the other did with a ring she wanted.

Marriage is more than a ring and a wedding. A ring is a material possession and a wedding only last for a day. You can have a great marriage without a ring and a wedding. And you can have a horrible marriage wearing the most expensive elaborate ring after a $100,000 wedding.

The man and woman both should know who they are marrying.

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
10:29 am

Randyt- My point exactly. All that money and it didn’t work out. Save that money for a 5 year anniversary and get her a new one or bigger rock on the existing one and that she will love forever. I know dudes that put small condo money on rings and their girlfriends all loved it but the relationships last 5 mins, but still takes 4 years to pay for.

czBrat

May 24th, 2010
10:31 am

“Is it truly the size of the ring or is it that you know he can afford more of a ring but you think he is just being cheap?” yup! i think that’s real talk right there.

Leggs, the smile is still on the inside. i’m somewhere betweeen jitters and disbelief.

SexyCool13

May 24th, 2010
10:33 am

Dan

May 24th, 2010
10:35 am

‘Supper folks?

Um, if were getting married, binding our lives together and you’re worried more about the ring….then my selection process is off and so is the proposal.

Other than that, we’re good

Lady J-Let's do the unthinkable-I'm Ready~

May 24th, 2010
10:37 am

sexycool that is a real truth honey!

Raqi

May 24th, 2010
10:38 am

abc I love you like a big brother. LOL

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
10:39 am

@Brat– Now that I can understand if at all. You know I’m working at six flags and ain’t no way on earth I can bring you home 4carats. But If I’m doing my thang on Wall Street and I show up with .50ct then I would be able to see the WTF? factor.

kimmy

May 24th, 2010
10:39 am

Hi,

I think the fact that he took the time to go pick it out means a lot to me. The proposal for me just needs to be heartfelt (not while in bed LOL) and I don’t care about the location. I do however think the ring needs to be in touch with his spending habits. My boyfriend has watches ranging from 1500-4500 bucks so my ring needs to fall in line with what he spends on himself. Other than that I’m not really worried about the size or proposal.

LoveLife

May 24th, 2010
10:44 am

Yup, totally whipped, and proud to admit it! I might be a pit bull everywhere else, but as soon as I walk in the door at home, I’m a golden retriever puppy dog.

@abc: Very sweet!

I am single, but would be happy to get the symbol of commitment from my guy, regardless of the size. When I did hint at my preferences or ask if he was the type to go ring shopping, my sweetie’s response was, “No, that’s just another way for a woman to control the situation. If you want me, then you should be happy with the ring I choose.”

Guy get to make a lasting statement with the ring they choose. Ladies, if you honor that you get to reap the benefits so just chill!

Raqi

May 24th, 2010
10:44 am

I don’t get with folks saying don’t buy the nicer ring because it may not work out. What kind of mindset is that going into a marriage. Heck if that’s the case then don’t buy the house, don’t buy the furniture, don’t take vacations, don’t exchange gifts. Don’t do anything with monetary value if you feel it is money wasted should it not work out. Not giving your woman a nice ring because you may not love or like each other 5 years from now is just crazy. Nothing is guaranteed in this life.

yowza

May 24th, 2010
10:46 am

I had a friend who did not like the way her guy proposed to her. She threw a fit and made him redo the proposal. If I had been him, I would have said, just forget it. They got married but divorced after a year, shocker!

SlimOne...Gemini twinny twin twin

May 24th, 2010
10:46 am

For guys that pick out the ring themselves…how do you go about choosing something you think she will like? Do you hint around and ask her question here & there, do you ask her best friend or close relative or do you just wing it and hope for the best?

AmazonRed™

May 24th, 2010
10:48 am

Morning all! Hope the weekend was wonderful.

We can get married at the courthouse for all I care. I would like a nice wedding set though. I am not materialistic or demanding, so I feel it’s a reasonable request.

The current doesn’t care to wear a wedding band at all.

Raqi

May 24th, 2010
10:48 am

DigThat, even with a person working Wall Street it should be more about what the two are happy with. My friend and her husband are both physicians and their rings are specially made. They are called fusion rings. It is a hard rubber material and metal infusion. I think she said they are less than $100 a piece. But it’s what the both wanted. She is not a big jewelry wearer so they went with something that a meaning to it based on their ideas.

Dig That

May 24th, 2010
10:48 am

@yowza- Tell your friend to be glad it is over. Count it all joy