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Too hot to handle

One thing I have learned from our Misadventures in Atlanta blog discussions is that both men and women go through the same misadventures.  The challenges may appear to be different but most of what I’ve been through, my guy friends have endured too. From disappearing acts to ambivalent and confusing behavior, both genders are guilty of it all.

I was still surprised when I got an email from a male who wondered what to do about his dating dilemma: He’s met a wonderful person he is interested in but she has a tendency to get x-rated…in conversation.  Apparently, she really, really
likes talking about all things related to bedroom activities.  When he met her months ago, she seemed pretty conservative.  It wasn’t long before she brought up the naughty topics.

What do you do when you meet someone who seems a little out of your “comfort zone”?  Are you drawn to them because they may teach you something new?  Are you turned off because they cross the line of your personal boundaries?

What would you advise our male reader to do about his potential Miss Right? When a woman talks about sex too much, what message does that send to the guy?  Do most men consider that a turn off, red flag?  Or does this make a guy want to propose and marry her immediately?

405 comments Add your comment

Trevor0529

May 20th, 2010
8:21 am

Good Morning,

The first post!! Ha! Ha!

Justin Credible

May 20th, 2010
8:24 am

Most men would jump at that opportunity in a milli-second…But if he’s timid or uncomfortable about those type of topics constantly, then he needs to move on, apparently they aren’t as compatible as he thought at first. A lot of time you meet a person’s representative before you meet the actual person.

I am whatever you say I am

May 20th, 2010
8:31 am

morning!

Personally, I think for a lady to talk about the nasty all the time isn’t lady like.
Leave some for the imagination.

Lady J-Oooh! And after the love games have been played

May 20th, 2010
8:41 am

Good Morning!!!!!!

An interesting discussion is on the horizon!

HA!

Grace

May 20th, 2010
8:48 am

Let’s talk about sex baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that maybe

Good morning!

Lady J-Oooh! And after the love games have been played

May 20th, 2010
8:48 am

What do you do when you meet someone who seems a little out of your “comfort zone”? Exploring can be fun, interesting and new…..The comfort level has to be there….The connection to explore has to be there….To do it to gain brownie points is not cool bc you can’t take it back…..Being open and diverse can teach likes and dislikes but again you have to be a willing happy participant……This is my thing or hang up I would think all this could take place after the relationship is solidified vs the get to know you phase…..reality is reality though so I digress…..LOL!

Are you drawn to them because they may teach you something new? Sometimes it is or can be a turn on but I believe in informed consent and most fall by the way side bc I do want more….

Are you turned off because they cross the line of your personal boundaries? Naw we are grown and at some point talking about other ways can be sexy but again if you are interested in certain parts draw the line and don’t entertain it……

Dan

May 20th, 2010
8:49 am

Good morning,

1) @Dreams – this is interesting to say the least:

http://www.physorg.com/news193298961.html

2) The emailer reads a little soft. If you don’t like that kinda talk, then throw her back in the water.

3) What is “talking about sex too much”? <– fugg does that even mean?

4) If you have a "comfort zone" when dealing with people, then you're delusional. Take folks as they come and deal with each appropriately.

Lady J-Oooh! And after the love games have been played

May 20th, 2010
8:53 am

Yes a lady should be a lady in the streets and a freak for her man….I support that….Having tact and class discussing anything is key especially sex…I don’t feel women should be shun for think out the box with sexual acts…sexuality is cool and being in tuned with it is even cooler…….but again women are viewed far worse for talking about more than 5min…..hmmmmm so I guess I need to hush right! LOL

Debbie

May 20th, 2010
8:55 am

Some women, think it’s a great topic to catch the guy’s attention since it is constantly said that sex is in a male’s mind 24/7…so even though she may be all talk, I think it’s her way to come off extremely sexual to put it out there first…it’s a new flirtation technique.

Professor

May 20th, 2010
8:56 am

***waving a warm good morning to *I am whatever** and Lady J

Hola!

@Grace, what a fitting song for this topic…lol

On topic: I will keep it simple. If something makes you uncomfortable and that is the other person’s nature and you cannot accept it you should just move on. There are certain hobbies and activities that are outside of our comfort zone that we are willing to explore with our partners. While other activities may seem disrespectful or just a flat out NO for whatever reason. You have to know when it is time to roll…you cannot rebuild and remix people.

Carlito

May 20th, 2010
8:57 am

IMO, Most men will find it a turn on at the start, but once the relationship grows, the novelty of it all wears off. Not saying that we want her to be less “intense” just not the verbal x- rated expressions every time she opens her mouth or when intimacy is mentioned. There is a time and place for everything. We want a lady first and foremost, if we are serious about her. If it is someone to fill a gap or pass the time until something better comes along it is not a problem. I question if she is into him as much as he is to her or is she just tired of her B.O.B. :) He needs to express his honest feelings to her, for me if it were overbearing as with anything it would be a turn off.

Dan

May 20th, 2010
8:58 am

Good morning:

1) @Dreams – this is interesting to say the least:

http://www.physorg.com/news193298961.html

2) WD, the emailer reads like he’s soft. If he can’t take grown folk talk, then let her go and date a librarian.

3) “talking about sex too much”? <– what does that even mean?

4) A "comfort zone" is like "comfort food" a way to cocoon yourself from emotions you are ready to face. Take people as they come and act accordingly.

Run4Life

May 20th, 2010
8:59 am

I would suggest giving the relationship more time. After all, what guy doesn’t want a naughty girl all to himself (in private only). Perhaps the reason she is talking dirty all the time is because that was a turn on in her previous relationship. Give her time and teach her that you don’t need the dirty talk to become excited about her. Besides, it is DEFINITELY not LADYLIKE. She needs to learn to control and curtail that behavior all together.

Although another possiblity for her dirty talking is that she is just NASTY! LOL

Lady J-Oooh! And- after the love game has been played

May 20th, 2010
8:59 am

Hola Professor!!!!!!!

I am HYPED! ONE MORE DAY! GIVE US FREE! LOL

Dan

May 20th, 2010
8:59 am

Should be “aren’t ready to face”

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:02 am

Professor – I agree.

He may need to move on if that’s a major problem for him. If it’s minor and he’s comfortable mentioning it in a non dramatic way, then he should. Of course, he must accept any response she gives. She may notice that he’s not a match for her and wish him well with the next, more compatible, “lady”.

If the suggestion/statement is posed in a “this is how to be an acceptable woman, how to get married and/or how to keep this man”…he may definitely need to cut his losses. Sexual conservatism is obviously not a prerequisite for marriage or lasting relationship…as evidenced by the many married and coupled up people you see walking around everyday.

She can find someone who accepts her as is. It just may not be him.

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:03 am

Lady J I know you and KB are so ready for the last day of school!

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:04 am

Shhh Lady J :lol:

There’s a time and place for everything and talking about sex off the bat too quickly after meeting someone is tacky and rude. I don’t need to know your bedroom activities so soon. I’ve met coutless guys who have turn what was a decent conversation into x-rated and will cock an attitude when I don’t want to join in.

When a woman talk about sex too much it sends a signal that she’s an all day freak….JMO

Tweti

May 20th, 2010
9:04 am

My SO & I frequently talk dirty. He often tells me, though, that he would have NEVER thought that of me. He says it was a very pleasant surprise to learn that I’m not as conservative and straight-laced between the sheets as my “9-to-5 persona” leads one to think. It drives him wild!

Lady J-Oooh! And- after the love game has been played

May 20th, 2010
9:07 am

you right grace again perception is the guiding light

I will hush!

lol

BRB

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:07 am

Professor that was the first thing that came to mind when I read today’s topic.

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:08 am

@luvbug I also wonder how compatible they would be in the bedroom. I was thinking back to the time on the blog when we talked about folks that will not say anything or moan during sex. So if he cannot take her talking dirty they might be on two different sexual planes.

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:11 am

@Grace you are so right I hate it when a man turns an innocent conversation into sex. What really gets under my skin is when we are in that getting to know each other stage and the lame text nasty stuff. :roll:

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:12 am

Professor – Absolutely…and that type of difference is okay…not a correction one needs to make about the other. If they’re not compatible, life goes on. It’s not that seriously.

Carlito

May 20th, 2010
9:14 am

Professor, they might be two different planes like you said or he could be less talk more action. LOL Actions make a name for themselves all of the “posturing and talking” will leave you displeased. Better to surprise the heck out of your mate. If this is the start of the relationship and she is just naughty from the First conversation, I would question it. If we had a foundation in our relationship I am all for it. :)

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:15 am

Oh, and…I think I missed the quiet sex convo. Not even moaning? How is that possible?

Lady J-Oooh! And- after the love game has been played

May 20th, 2010
9:16 am

and trust i know sex or talking about holds no man or relationship…….just had to say it….lol

Lady J-Oooh! And- after the love game has been played

May 20th, 2010
9:18 am

did I miss the part about the 1st conversation or did I assume she talked about it frequently as time progressed….and no I don’t wanna read it….lol……

I am just saying! LOL

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:18 am

Sexting! and the penis pics….and requesting nude pics from me….too soon! :mrgreen:

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:20 am

If they’re not compatible, life goes on. It’s not that seriously – Luvbug seriously!

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:20 am

Carlito, I totally agree with you! You made an excellent point, on being able to deliver. :grin:

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:21 am

Seriously, you know what I meant Grace. :lol:

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:22 am

@Grace not the weenie pics…lol

@Luvbug not even a moan just being in the bed going at it without saying anything or making any noises…lol. We were not talking about trying to sneak and get it in we are talking about that being the norm for that person

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:23 am

LOL….. I was saying seriously b/c it’s not that serious, seriously Luvbug

Carlito

May 20th, 2010
9:25 am

If there is no moaning, heavy breathing/panting or small beads of sweat forming, someone is doing it wrong or not long enough.

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:26 am

Yes Professor the penis pics and not on the limp either :embarassed:

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:27 am

Professor- That’s a new one. LOL

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:27 am

:embarrassed:

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:27 am

Carlito…I like the not long enough part…to me foreplay should not be rushed!

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:27 am

I give up can’t make the embarrassed face

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:28 am

Grace I think it is blushing :blush: :blushing:

Where is swiss he has the cheat sheet on it?

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:28 am

did she say she would swallow? that would run a dude away! :lol:

a little less talk....

May 20th, 2010
9:29 am

and a lot more action…

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:30 am

Grace

May 20th, 2010
9:31 am

Luvbug

May 20th, 2010
9:32 am

Yes Professor the penis pics and not on the limp either :embarassed:

Grace- That’s funny. Some time ago that topic came up on Q100. I think one of the interns kept a log of junk photos or boob photos…one or both of them. With the boob shots, they were usually just one random boob from random female. He would ask and they would send.

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:32 am

Grace blushing is oops :oops:

SlimOne...muffling the CT

May 20th, 2010
9:34 am

Blog Monster must be hungry this morning….ate my post!

Carlito

May 20th, 2010
9:35 am

Professor, the amount of foreplay you give to a person is really a litmus test on how you feel about that person. :) I just thought about that, what do you think?

Professor

May 20th, 2010
9:39 am

WARNING DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK TUMMY THIS MESSAGE IS FOR MATURE ADULTS ONLY

This lady showed me some pictures dude email her and they were the worst I’ve ever seen. He was in a dirty bathroom for starters and all you saw was the limp sausage in a field of taco meat…puny thighs and the next picture was a body shot with long, dingy socks, skinny calves and taco meat on his chest and that one arm that was up holding the camera revealed more taco meat with specks of white balls (Deodorant)…and that itsy bitsy limpy was still there looking purple with a pinkish looking tip