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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Diversify your dating options?

I was hanging out with my fabulous cousin Stephanie recently. She lives here in the city but since we both travel and have crazy work schedules we don’t hang out as much as we’d like to.  We were talking about our (only) male cousins  who had married white women and how it seemed as if the family accepted them.  Stephanie turned to me and said, “Well, you know Grandmother thinks that we both are going to marry white men. She told me that once”

When my cousins married white women it didn’t seem to cause an uproar.  For some reason, I don’t expect the same reaction if Stephanie or I decided to marry a white man.  I don’t have any proof of this, it’s just a feeling I get.  It seems that we aren’t supposed to have the same options as our cousins did.

The Modern Day Match Maker aka Mr. Brunson recently interviewed author  Langhorne Folan about her book “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy.”  I was impressed by the points Ms. Folan raised here.  She basically described the exact challenges and expectations a woman like me could face when we consider exploring our options in dating other races.

As in the video, I also wondered if interracial dating will continue to be so controversial?  What kind of challenges will the next generation face if they decided to “diversify their dating” so to speak?

How can women find ways to meet and date men of other races without it feeling so “premeditated” and plotted out?

Ladies, if you have tried online dating, do you widen your selection criteria beyond one particular race?

Guys, do you find it difficult to diversify your dating options?  Do you find it easy to meet women with diverse backgrounds who are interested in exploring relationships with you?

470 comments Add your comment

Kym-Jack Bauer's Biggest Fan

May 18th, 2010
11:24 am

@Swiss..is that about that study about the dolls? In college we watched a video in a sociology class once about a study where they took a class of white kids..and told them that all the kids in the class with blue eyes were better than all the other kids. The study noted that children who have been friends and played together just the week before refused to play with other children because their eyes were not blue. It’s sad really.

str8

May 18th, 2010
11:24 am

hey Diva… just want to throw a wrench or question out there…

can inter-continental dating/marriages be considered in the same category… say a african american dating/marrying an african or vice versa or a caucasian american marrying a european? (same race, different cultures) etc? Do this kind of relationship face the same scrutiny as what commonly seen as inter-racial relationships?

PrincessNik

May 18th, 2010
11:25 am

DreamsMaterialize

May 18th, 2010
11:26 am

So many of our leaders are territorial yet they refuse to lead.
He isn’t a leader in any sense. He’s an opportunist. He’ll be there for you as long as there’s a camera around or he’s getting paid.

Leggs

May 18th, 2010
11:26 am

@im swiss ~ I had to go back to your link a second time because I couldn’t fathom what the link was for. The first time I saw a giant hail storm. Then I saw LadyJ’s response to you and said HUH. I clicked again and then the study came on. Anybody else get the giant hail storm first????

Leggs

May 18th, 2010
11:27 am

@DreamsM ~ poor choice of words. No, he’s not a leader.

Melo

May 18th, 2010
11:28 am

He isn’t a leader in any sense

@Dreamz!

i liked the way John Lewis totally ignored him in the primary elections…..totally..

that was like an ouch! moment.

The man likes publicity for sure.

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
11:28 am

As a black woman who has dated white men, I have no issues with interracial dating.

There has been a time *on this blog* where I have stated that I prefer dating black men. I have come to realize that what I am most prefer is dating the man that is going to treat me in the way that I want to be treated and I don’t care what color skin he is packaged in.

That being said, I first dated a white guy as a freshman at an HBCU. My best friend from college still is amazed how I find the one white dude on the football team to date out of all the black dudes running around campus. (I still wonder about Jimmy Vertuno and remember him fondly.)

When I was younger, I was very conscious about the looks and stares of others. As I have aged, when dating a white guy, I no longer give a crap about what anybody else has to think or their crazy looks or anything they might have to say. In fact, my last experience with a white guy, I would, almost defiantly, hold his hand and be clearly all wrapped up in him when we were out.

OH…and btw – my mom always said that I would marry a white man and my dad would have a heart attack. (My dad says he wouldn’t. LOL!)

As it stands, that’s looking like all chances of that are pretty much zero. I so heart TheDude. I’m going out of town for a couple of days on business today. So, last night, I asked him to leave a couple of hickies in some well hidden spots so that I could have some visual reminders. He gladly obliged. :)

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:31 am

(((((((((((((((((HUGS PK))))))))))))))))))) :)

PrincessNik

May 18th, 2010
11:34 am

Lady J

you already know LOL

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
11:35 am

OH…damn…I just had to tell a candidate that she didn’t get the job we were hiring for. She started crying.

What a downer.

Kym-Jack Bauer's Biggest Fan

May 18th, 2010
11:37 am

Sexy..is she still employed? If so tell her that’s a blessing in these days and times..if she is not tell her to keep at it.

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
11:37 am

Kym — Yeah, that’s the one — or something like that, anyway. The indoctrination starts early… sad.

DreamsMaterialize

May 18th, 2010
11:38 am

Melo I hope no one acknowledges that dude for any office. He isn’t the only one though. A lot of these “civil” rights leaders are clowns.

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:39 am

yep I saved the video swiss!!!! It is an eye opener!

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
11:39 am

BTW, Kym — Mrs. Swiss & I were high-5-ing over ol’ Prez Logan’s scared sh!tless look when Jack caught his azz…. :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

May 18th, 2010
11:42 am

Yeah, that’s the one — or something like that, anyway. The indoctrination starts early… sad.
This test has been around for decades. psychologists Kenneth B. Clark and Mamie Phipps Clark developed the original doll test that was crucial in the Brown v. Board of Education decision. It is sad it still applies after 60+ years.

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
11:44 am

Kym – she is. The thing is – she is at a job making $7.50 an hour and this job would have started her at $11.50.

During the interview, she ended up sharing with me that she left college out of state with the intent to come back home and live with her mom while going to school, but the mom had moved in a boyfriend while she was away at school. Well, of course, that caused some problems.

And now, she is 25, with her first car and first apartment and trying to make it on her own with $7.50 an hour.

Lawd geezus, I feel bad for her – at least she doesn’t have any kids.

Grace

May 18th, 2010
11:45 am

WOW @ SC in my many years in the line of viewing candidates for job opening I’ve never experience that and I hope never to either.

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
11:45 am

The really scary thing about that study is that I guarantee you most of this kids have parents who think that they are far from being racist/bigoted/prejudiced/whatever. Just goes to show that actions speak louder than words…

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
11:46 am

these kids — not this kids

Kym-Jack Bauer's Biggest Fan

May 18th, 2010
11:49 am

@Sexy I hear ya. Well tell her I said that since she is working that is blessing one. Now if she wants to expand on that..she needs to invest in herself. That means..finding a training program(medical comes to mind) that will pay for training and she can start moving forward toward a career. She can make it..it will be tough but since it is just her..she is doing wayyy better than most. If you want I can give her more info offline..you know my addy.

Leggs

May 18th, 2010
11:49 am

@SC13 ~ you got mail!

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:49 am

Intelligent men rocks! No color either! LOL

Kym-Jack Bauer's Biggest Fan

May 18th, 2010
11:50 am

@swiss..I was laughing and yelling and I wanted Jack to shoot him..but him peeing his pants was a totally bonus!!!

Grace

May 18th, 2010
11:51 am

PrincessNik

May 18th, 2010
11:53 am

I’m all about the dude that will treat me right, now as far as looks go though i love me some Dark Chocolate :)

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
11:53 am

The other thing is – I really didn’t want to hire her anyway because she is capable of doing so much more than handling bags at the airport. I didn’t want to hire her here and have her get complacent about really doing what it takes to get her to where she has the potential to be.

In fact, Kym, if you (or anyone else) have/has any specific information for her regarding any opportunities, can you forward them to me at
cscfromajc@yahoo.com

This young lady has a lot going for her. Presents professionally, well-spoken, seems driven.

DreamsMaterialize

May 18th, 2010
11:53 am

I guarantee you most of this kids have parents who think that they are far from being racist/bigoted/prejudiced/whatever
I agree with this. That’s why we always need to be doing self assessments to see where we are. Sometimes the things we learned growing up manifest themselves in ways that we may not even realize. Our kids may be internalizing these same things.

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:55 am

preach brotha!!!!!!! if they are hiring @ my school dreamsM for an assistant professor please apply!!!!!!!!!!! Our field needs you!

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:55 am

PK I feel the same way!!!!!!

Carlito

May 18th, 2010
11:55 am

Now it is only noon? Does today fell longer to anyone else beside me?

Professor

May 18th, 2010
11:56 am

Hola!

On topic: I take the 5th.

Wassup DreamsM (international lover) said like the purple one, Melo, Lady J, and PK

@Grace…neither have I, but then again my interviews have always been professional and I never hired for certain positions so that might be the reason why.

I need some lunch! :grin:

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
11:58 am

Kym — RE: 24… It sucks that it’s ending just as it’s really getting good… Jack is F@#%ING some folks up! :lol:

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
11:58 am

Leggs – you da best.

PrincessNik

May 18th, 2010
11:59 am

Hey Professor!

Ya’ll have me nervous about this interviewing thing. I will be doing my first set this week, and the candidates are mostly employees that have been laid off from other areas/schools. :(

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
11:59 am

Hey Professor honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carlito it is dragging I am ready to hit the streets!!!!!!!

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
12:00 pm

“Now it is only noon? Does today fell longer to anyone else beside me?”

@ Carlito — Not here, bro… Then again I’m “working” from home today — chilling in the patio room, sipping some Irish coffee & blogging sans pants (enjoy the visual, ladies)…. :lol:

Professor

May 18th, 2010
12:01 pm

Ok, the blog used my post for lunch. I am not typing that message again.

@Carlito…today is super duper long for me

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
12:01 pm

awwwwww pk brace yourself for all sort of stories and personal views of their previous county…..they should come in positive but folks are hurt and upset about the current times……

Leggs

May 18th, 2010
12:01 pm

@SC13 ~ I understand what your intent was, but could it be that she needed a higher paying job NOW and wouldn’t become complacent and still driven to pursue further dreams in a year or two. Sure, thereby leaving your company, but a higher paying job in two years may just have been the catalyst to help her take care of some things she hadn’t shared with you hence her crying!

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

May 18th, 2010
12:02 pm

swiss hot mess!!!!!! LOL

Leggs

May 18th, 2010
12:03 pm

Thanks, SC13. So are you…keep smiling and “hearting” ThatDude!

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
12:04 pm

Prof — If you want your posts to get through the filter, just say “phuck” a few times… It will go right through…. :lol:

Professor

May 18th, 2010
12:04 pm

@Swiss I am so jealous! I want to go home put on my tank top and boy shorts, eat some Apple Jacks, watch cartoons and game shows, and when I get tired pull the covers over my head and go to sleep.

Carlito

May 18th, 2010
12:05 pm

Ok, I am not the only one who feels today is long.

I’m Swiss, what has been read can not be unread. LOL

Stringer Bell/Idris Elba, kind of sounds good on his new rap song. It has sort of a nice flow

http://vimeo.com/11762339

DreamsMaterialize

May 18th, 2010
12:05 pm

Professor
What’s the deal mami? How you been?

Professor

May 18th, 2010
12:06 pm

PK hopefully you will not get the drama when you start interviewing.

@Swiss gotcha

SexyCool13

May 18th, 2010
12:06 pm

Leggs – that is a very good point.

And had there not been the other candidate who the shift supervisor liked better and actually gave a stronger interview and seems to be a better fit on that shift, I would have given her a shot.

i'm swiss

May 18th, 2010
12:07 pm

You’re welcome, Carlito:lol: