Distracted Dater
When it comes to meeting someone who shares your interests, it’s all about doing the things you already love doing. Once you get out of the house and to your event, get off your cellphone long enough to mix and mingle when you arrive. You don’t have to talk to every single person in the room, but making eye contact at events can lead to …something.
At least it did for me when I had that nice encounter, I ended up with a good connection. If I stop traveling long enough, maybe I can figure out if there is real potential. Which brings me to my point. I’m not sure how focused I am on dating and relationships.
Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t facilitate discussions on a dating blog, would I even be concerned about dating at all? Do you ever get to the point where you feel to distracted by “life” and obligations to worry about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend? Has your free time become the last precious leisure moments in your life that you don’t want to devote to dating?
One of my guys of interest left a message for me stating that I seemed too distracted and busy to connect with him. He had a point! I have been but it’s a combination of work, goals, and my precious me time that seems to be taking up all my time. Do you think we devote enough time to the people we date or are interested in?
Have you ever dated someone who had a crazy busy schedule and was distracted during the time you were with them?
How do you manage your schedule to make time for dating? If you have little time left, does dating or hooking up get bumped to the bottom of your things to do list?
Happy Friday!
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296 comments Add your comment
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
8:23 am
Happy Friday!!!!!!!
hmmmmmmm sure I have dated this person and the best thing is to leave them where they are @ in their busy world bc they aren’t ready to incorporate you in it……which is fine….just don’t play the mind games early on to want something more and know damn well you don’t have time or want to make time for a solid relationship……
Clear intentions rocks….so serious…..
With that being said I have a busy do not disturb homework weekend approaching…..it is on me to make that happen….I hear it is suppose to rain which makes staying in and reading and doing case analysis even better….
SlimOne
May 14th, 2010
8:49 am
Morning,
Yes I have dated the ‘busy distracted dater’ and eventually that played itself out. The thing that got me was when I asked if he really felt they had time to dedicate to dating and he sort of got offended. Gave me this speech about, It’s not about the Quantity of time spent but the quality of time…Now that’s all fine and dandy if you’ve already established something with a person…but in the beginning stages of getting to know each other…you still need a fair amount of time together in order to get that connection thing going. If I spend 4hrs with you on Sunday but don’t see you again until the following Tuesday, them 4hrs have faded into the background. Plus it seems as if you just aren’t that interested.
gabrielle
May 14th, 2010
9:06 am
There have been times in my life when I’ve been “married” to my job and I’ve had my fair share of dating the “super busy” guys as well. Relationships formed under those conditions don’t usually work out.
If we don’t stop and just be STILL sometimes, not only are we not making time to get to know and truly connect with someone, we aren’t able to tune in to what we really feel and want. For me, overworking and staying busy all the time was just a defense mechanism-I wasn’t ready for a real relationship and working all the time seemed like a socially acceptable excuse. When I was serious about forming a great relationship, I reworked my schedule so that I had more time, for him AND for me.
Kym
May 14th, 2010
9:19 am
Good Morning All,
I have to agree with you Wisey. I think that if you want to find someone of interest you have to be willing to devote sometime to the process. I know right now, I am a mother, daughter, employee, auntie, sister, cousin, friend..that I really have not made time to even think about dating. Matter of fact if I didn’t come on the blog I don’t think the word would enter my vocab. I mean I meet great people..volunteering..etc..but I don’t really think so much about dating as just enjoying the new friends I make and the fun. oh well.
Mr_NYC
May 14th, 2010
9:21 am
I think it all depends on what’s going on in your life at the present time. I’ve dated women who seemed to be quite busy and that made it difficult to form a connection as suggested by SlimOne. If you are already involved and there is a change in schedule and amount of available time, that probably can be worked out. But starting a new relationship requires a fair amount of time to evaluate interest and compatiblity. You have one whose really ready to get it going and the other one is not or otherwise engaged it just may not happen. Nothing wrong with either party, just not the right “time” for the two. Mom used to say “people make time for what’s important to them,” and certainly what’s important to us changes as life occurs. If school, work, or some other matter is important and requires attention, then the dating life may have to take a back seat. Good communication and discernment on the other side is needed to realize that this might be the case and helps to understand the dynamics of any potential or existing relationship.
Wonderwoman
May 14th, 2010
9:24 am
Simple- We make time for the things we want!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
9:25 am
gabrielle great post!!!!!
Two songs that come to mind with this topic is Window Seat and Gone Baby, Gone, Don’t be Long—-I know you got to get your hustle on!!!!! Yeah I am in a Erykah Badu mood today!!!!!
Me time rocks but at some point when one is ready there will be time made to explore a potential relationship…..you won’t even hear I am studying or I am doing work related things and I don’t have time to simply get to know you……everyone and everything has its season…..just rock and roll in your season without misleading…..
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
9:25 am
Wonderwoman that is the freakin’ truth!!!!!!!! Grown folk do what they want to do all the time!!!! Never get that twisted! LOL
AmazonRed™ - Just wRight!
May 14th, 2010
9:29 am
Happy Friday!
I’m single, no kids, cool job. I really can’t say I have a lot of distractions. Doesn’t mean I’m not busy…I travel a lot, have a social life, the job keeps me busy… but that doesn’t mean I can’t be receptive about meeting someone. Like anything in life…you have to have a balance. I’m not gonna focus all of my time on one thing… dating, the job etc…
Now I have forgotten to return calls. I’m gonna blame it on the dude not being about much…rather than my schedule.
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
9:34 am
~Free as a bird, yeah, yeah To catch me is to catch a leprechaun~
Wonderwoman
May 14th, 2010
9:35 am
Its also about having a open heart and mind to dating. If you use other things as an excuse (distractions) how does love find you!
Trevor0529
May 14th, 2010
9:39 am
Do you think we devote enough time to the people we date or are interested in?
It sometimes depends on the person. We are all at some time focused on school, career, and family which leaves dating on the back burner.
I dated someone who was more involved with their IPhone so I let that relationship run its course and it ended. Since I will be going back to school soon, dating for me will be an after thought.
Raqi
May 14th, 2010
9:40 am
HAPPY WEDDING DAY TAZZEE!!!! May the love of God be with you both.
AmazonRed™ - Just wRight!
May 14th, 2010
9:43 am
Go Tazzee, it’s ya
birfdaywedding day! Congrats lady!Norvee Michele
May 14th, 2010
9:43 am
I have been on both sides of this issue. Sometimes people are busy and make time for you. It just depends on where the “relationship” lies as a priority. Its hard when you are dating someone and you clearly want two different things. I find it best to be honest up front. The way you do that is to know what you want before exchanging contact information. If its not a priority for you to be with someone, just let them know hey I’m not looking for anything just dating casually. i do believe some people use casual dating as a crutch not to dive out there and get their heart involved.
abc
May 14th, 2010
9:43 am
Being too busy to actively date seems like a natural and preferable state, to me. You’re more likely to meet someone of genuine interest in the natural course of your own interests and activities, rather than trolling through dating sites, going to clubs, or trying to keep up with dating most any person who wants to date. ‘Dating’, bleah. What a drag!
Being too busy to date is a good thing.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 14th, 2010
9:44 am
AWWWWWWW Congrats Mrs Tazzee!!!!!!!!!!!
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
9:50 am
We have a wedding ceremony going on around us…everyone pls take their seats and enjoy God’s union of these two fine people.
If you want to make time to date this person, you will. If you don’t constant should tell you, you’re not really interested.
SexyCool13
May 14th, 2010
9:51 am
Three Words Daily – Average is acceptable.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 14th, 2010
9:52 am
well said leggs!!!!
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
9:56 am
That would be “constant excuses” should tell you you’re not interested
East Point's Own
May 14th, 2010
9:56 am
AS it was said before, we make time for what we want. If you are not able to adjust your schedule to accomodate the person who you think you have a connection with, then you have nothing to complain about when you remain single. You are responsible for everything that happens to you in your life. Just as I would be responsible for the feeling of dissatisfaction I would have if I tried to make a relationship work with a woman who can’t seem to fit me in between working, working out, and the twice weekly girls’ night out.
http://hispointofview.com
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
9:56 am
Even with the missing word, LadyJ…you funny!
Poppa Grande
May 14th, 2010
9:58 am
Congrats Tazzee Mae Jenkins!!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
9:59 am
LMBAO!!!!!!!!! I am ready Leggs!!!!!!!!
born ready!
LOL
i'm swiss
May 14th, 2010
9:59 am
Oh wow…. Congrats, Tazzee!
“We have a wedding ceremony going on around us…everyone pls take their seats and enjoy God’s union of these two fine people.”
Leggs — So, the wedding is literally going down right now? I like that… 10am on a Friday… Gives you basically a whole 3-day weekend to drank!
Why didn’t I think of that…?
M. (pronouced M dot)
May 14th, 2010
10:00 am
Friday.
I have dealt with the busy woman and its a bunch of garbage. Busy means she is with the next guy. Someone else has more of her attention and time. She’s not that busy. If she was she would have more productivity, etc. If she wants to deal with you, she will make time for you. Simple and Plain.
She may just have a lot of BUSY-NESS i.e., mundane things in her mind that makes her think she is busy. Her routine, other things that she feel cant be missed which translate to her thinking she is busy…
The President is busy.
Larry Ellison (CEO of Oracle) is busy
Indra Nooyi (CEO of Pepsi) is busy.
Some regular chick who claims she is busy needs to quit it lol.
I just manage my time by making adjustments for things I want to do. Simple.
Dig That
May 14th, 2010
10:02 am
Good morning ladies and gentleman. Happy Friday to you all. Is it wedding time already? Congrats Tazzee. I thought we were supposed to be celebrating soon. Is it still on?
kinderbabe--7 days and counting! woohoo!
May 14th, 2010
10:04 am
@digthat…the celebration is in two weeks on the 28th.
SexyCool13
May 14th, 2010
10:05 am
Congrats, Taz.
Like Wise, I don’t think I would have ever given dating or relationships as much thought as I do if I were not participating in this blog.
But, I’m glad that I do because it’s cause me to consider things that I would not have otherwise, allowed me to grow in some areas. Maybe didn’t keep me from making some of the mistakes that I did, but at least I’ve been learning and believe that I am better for it.
The partner that we choose for life is a very big deal. I think it’s worth the amount of time and consideration that I spend.
Kym
May 14th, 2010
10:07 am
Off-Topic totally..Kimmie me and the boy are following your lead..we found a family martial arts class near our house so we are going to sign up this summer. I figure I want to exercise but I don’t want it to be boring what better way than chopping, kicking and punching…LOL!!
Professor
May 14th, 2010
10:07 am
Hola!
I am going to keep this simple. I, Professor, will make time for someone that is worth it! When I find myself doing all of that busy talk I am usually not interested anyway. There have been times when I worked 14-16 hours and meet up with my SO for a cup or coffee, quick bite to eat or nightcap. Just those 45 minutes or so made all the difference in my day.
Hey PK, czBrat, Leggs, Lady J and Melo
CONGRATS TAZZEE ENJOY YOUR DAY!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:09 am
WAVING @ PROFESSOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
10:10 am
@i’m swiss ~ sorry, but I’m not privy to the actual time of the wedding.
@Dig That ~ yes, it’s still on for 5/28.
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:11 am
6 Feet Under Dig That did you get the evite sir????
Leggs!!!
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
May 14th, 2010
10:11 am
Tazzee I wish you and your hubby to be the best on this and everyday you two share.
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
10:11 am
@Prof ~ hola! That is still in the trunk of my car, chica!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:12 am
hey sistah friend kb!!!!
SlimOne
May 14th, 2010
10:14 am
“There have been times when I worked 14-16 hours and meet up with my SO for a cup or coffee, quick bite to eat or nightcap. Just those 45 minutes or so made all the difference in my day”
@Professor – that’s what it’s all about. Even if you have a lot of stuff going on, it’s the EFFORT that you take to ensure whomever you are pursuing knows that “hey, even though I have x, y, and z going on, that I am interested in you & are thinking of you” That goes a long way. But if every time I turn around that person has something else to do and something else after that, then that other thing…it’s Bye, bye bye. You go on the INACTIVE list. lol
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
10:14 am
I sent the evite to those who sent me their email addresses wanting to attend. Dig That was sent an evite!
Leggs - Finally, a real leprechaun has been caught
May 14th, 2010
10:15 am
BTW, he hasn’t responded yay or nay!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:15 am
M. I like your post! LOL funny!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:16 am
oh ok…..lol
Dig That
May 14th, 2010
10:17 am
<—-Received evite. Hope I'm not one of those too busy that can't confirm. I'm going to stop by.
Melo
May 14th, 2010
10:18 am
Congrats Tazzee and wish u much joy and happyiness!
Welcome to the Exclusive,elusive club!
Hey Proff!
Good morning blog,Thirsters and Thirstees and happy friday to uall!
Dig That
May 14th, 2010
10:19 am
Damn this is the right topic. I tend to get busy, but will stop by so we can celebrte. What time
SlimOne
May 14th, 2010
10:22 am
What is the event that everyone keeps talking about? I didn’t get that memo…
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:23 am
hey melo!!!!
mqew
May 14th, 2010
10:23 am
CONGRATULATIONS TAZZEE!!! I’m sure you and yours will have a wonderful fulfilling life together!
Lady J-any way the wind blows......breezy
May 14th, 2010
10:24 am
slim one does leggs have your email address??