Dealing with rejection? Don’t take it personally
It’s never fun when you have to let someone know you are no longer interested. I’ve been on both sides of this and I really don’t know which is the most awkward side! There are many reasons why we rule each other out (some of them are silly) but whatever the reason we check out, it’s the egos that suffer the most.
I know what you’re thinking. How can it be that people don’t see how wonderful you are? <<–That’s ego. I got a big one, too. So when you put your best foot forward and the person decides to end things, what is the best way to handle it? I can remember asking a guy a battery of “exit interview” kind of questions because I just could not grasp why he didn’t see how purrrrrfect we were for one another. It was a bad scene, man.
I almost understand why guys try to do all that they can to avoid the post-relationship carnage conversation. So when you have a big *cough* ego, how do survive the dating scene?
How do you handle it when someone you are trying to “let down easy” just won’t let you bow out graciously?
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541 comments Add your comment
itpdude
May 12th, 2010
6:47 am
Don’t take it personally? Huh? I’ve rejected and I’ve been rejected. The times I’ve rejected, it was a decision made almost exclusively because of character traits in the woman I disliked, physical traits that were unattractive, etc. It was a decision made upon highly personal grounds. I’m sure the same has been true of the times I’ve been rejected.
Honestly, there is a thread of dishonesty with many women in the dating world who believe they don’t need to change or improve or whatever. There is a philosophy of, “I’m fine the way I am!’ when it is the furthest thing from the truth. Those are the types of women I’ve rejected and they are rejected by other men because there is something wrong with them: They think they are fine the way they are, despite the constant rejection because of their negativity, ignorance, and arrogance.
So, keep up thinking getting dumped isn’t personal and keep thinking there is no room for improvement. You’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting.
Phony
May 12th, 2010
7:09 am
When they are younger, most chicks did the bad boys—-when they get older, all these women care about is money and will do anything to get it.. They develop their dating / rejection relationships accordingly.
j-mike
May 12th, 2010
7:16 am
its not the fear of rejection- its the fear of our reaction to rejection. rejection is all part of nature.
Miss Nichole
May 12th, 2010
7:27 am
I can honestly say that I don’t take rejection too well, but I am learning how to work on that. But after reading what J-Mike said, I have a clearer picture for why I feel the way I do!
But to you itpdude, why do some males tell females it’s nothing wrong with them, when in actuality, as you state, it is? Im open to ALL answers and suggestions, as I am dealing with this right now.
dj
May 12th, 2010
7:36 am
maybe if you didnt think of yourself as a ‘diva’, your ego wouldn’t be as big. as far as rejection, as i tell anyone including myself, a day, a week, a month and a year from now you’ll be better off
Kym
May 12th, 2010
8:05 am
Good Morning All,
Wisey I like this early morning thing..I am work earlier now so this works!
Anywho..we all have “big” egos. We all think we are the best thing since slice bread and the idea that some guy or gal can’t see that is beyond us. As stated before I have rejected and been rejected. It is a hurting feeling, you want to know why, in some cases you want to lash out at the one who hurt you..because you want them to hurt too. Depending of the level of commitment or length..the rejection can cut deep. While if it was just a short time..you may not feel as outdone.
SlimOne...a poet & don't know it
May 12th, 2010
8:06 am
Morning all,
Have sales day today so I’ll pop back in a little later….plus i’m sore from that TKO from yesterday.
P.S Whichever clique i’m in, Ya’ll hold it down while I’m gone.
kinderbabe--9 days and counting! woohoo!
May 12th, 2010
8:08 am
good morning, all! sorry, morrus….wrong blog! lol
i agree that there’s no need to take it personally when someone isn’t interested. there are so many factors that affect the compatibility of two…sometimes it’s timing or emotional blockage. sometimes the two just don’t click. it really doesn’t matter what it is…but was does matter is that the opportunity to move on to what/who really IS for you is given. when the “rejection” takes place, it makes room for a new, more suitable experience. when one door closes, another opens!:)
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
8:24 am
It is apart of life and growth….It happens to the best of us…..
KB EXCELLENT POST!!!!!!!
czBrat ... why this topic, today of all days?
May 12th, 2010
8:25 am
GM All!!
passed another exam yesterday. can take my head out the books and blog for a while before the next crunch. YAY!!!
and what is it about today’s blog topic that brought out the angry men so early?
i think both parties know something is not working before the breakup. it should never really come as an ego-pounding blindside blow unless someone’s been playing games and is bailing out for no reason. i like dj’s POV … day by day, it goes away.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
8:30 am
Congrats CzBrat isn’t that a great feeling!!!! My class started back yesterday and I truly am loving this class!!!! What I am discovering when you are doing something you love you never think of it as work…..yep I will do it for free!!!! It’s my gift and I got to use it!!!! Enjoy your classes CzBrat!!!!
also it is so classy to keep it moving gracefully with your head up!!!! yeah you may self evaluate and learn from the experience bc both parties bring something they can take away for the good and let go for the bad…..just stay aware and know when to let it go with a smile!!!!!!!
kinderbabe--9 days and counting! woohoo!
May 12th, 2010
8:35 am
thanks, ladyj!:) it was kinda early for me so i was hoping it made sense…lol. how are you?
czBrat…i noticed the angry men early also…lol. one was so mad, he forgot the topic and started talking politics! haha!
Grace
May 12th, 2010
8:35 am
unless someone’s been playing games and is bailing out for no reason – czBrat that’s the ticker! For me that would be a rejection that would squash my ego especially when I don’t see it coming.
As stated by KB it’s a part of life and as with anything, time always heal. I’ve been on both ends and it’s not an easy thing to do but never the less it has to be done.
Good morning Peeps!
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
8:36 am
KB Cloud 9 has nothing on Lady J!!!!!! I am floating with a smile!!!!!
Have a great day my sistah friend! lov ya!
czBrat ... why this topic, today of all days?
May 12th, 2010
8:43 am
your excitement is contagious, LadyJ. i’m not quite doing what i ‘love’; i’m doing what i must. so i struggle through these insurance industry designations … but i pass and move on to the next! if i could do what i love, i’d go back to massage therapy.
i think there is always something we can learn about ourselves when a relationship ends. sometimes we do find things (itpdude!) that we must work on to better ourselves as individuals and as relationship material. and sometimes it’s a blessing to just realize you are a gift; if not for that person, then perhaps for the next.
gotta go play in traffic. see ya’s in a few.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
8:44 am
and sometimes it’s a blessing to just realize you are a gift; if not for that person, then perhaps for the next.
PASS THE PLATE!!!!! PREACH SISTAH PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***Sorry I have to shout on this one!!!!!!
kinderbabe--9 days and counting! woohoo!
May 12th, 2010
8:49 am
@ladyj…i am glad that you are feeling GREAT but then again that’s your usual self.:) so happy for you and the strides you are making to live the life YOU want to live. luv ya girl and i ALWAYS wish you the best!:)
@Grace, hey! how have you been? haven’t seen you on here in a while. then again, my visits to the blog have been infrequent…lol
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
8:51 am
thanks kb!!!!!!!!!! Gots to be me and always gots to be real!!!!!!
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
8:59 am
Hola!
Hey Lady J, PK, Melo, and czBrat
Ok, let me dive right in! I will say this I hate rejection, but I think it is good for the ego and self development at times. If I am being rejected for one of those flaws that I can correct and will allow me to grow into a better person, well guess what I need to look internally and see if that is something I need to work on.
Here is my list of things I care about when being rejected:
1. Is it may attitude (dude cannot deal with me because I am always negative or controlling). Maybe this is a problem with retaining friends (I need to look at this).
2. Maybe I am always late…dude cannot deal with always missing the first part of the movie, and this is a problem for me at work. (I need to look at this).
3. Perhaps I am not being progressive enough always talking about going back to school, or getting a new certification (Congrats czBrat), but all I do is talk and not put anything into action. I need to look into that…
Things I don’t care about:
1. He is insecure for no reason, and I cannot help him.
2. He hates the way I arch my eye brows
3. He hates my nail polish
4. I chew funny
5. I take too long to drink my glass of wine
6. My little toe hurts
7. He hates my car
8. My ears look funny
Carlito
May 12th, 2010
8:59 am
Rejection is a hidden blessing. It hurts but see it for what it is
If I did not go through being rejected I would not be where I am and who I am now.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:00 am
Man, that was a long post…I guess you can say I was making up for lost time
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:01 am
Where is Carlito!!!! Honesty is the best policy and last month I was honest with that guy you cuagt me off gaurd and came on so strong…..but Carilto made it clear to truly be up front and say what I had to say!!!!! It was a nice ending! So mature adults can do this with a smile without the disappearing acts…but please know disappearing acts aren’t disappearing and one will get the drift with non responses if one doesn’t feel compelled to explain the interest has faded…..each situation is different….
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:01 am
KB, only 9 days left, I’ll trade you.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:03 am
Lady J,
You are doing it I am happy you are loving your new class.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:03 am
There is CARLITO!!!!!!
WAVING HIGH @ PROFESSOR!!!!!!! Hey chica!!!!
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:04 am
Thanks Professor!!!!!! You are apart of my team and I appreciate it!!!!
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:05 am
dag meant caught me off gaurd…..
PrincessNik....I won't complain!
May 12th, 2010
9:06 am
Hey Professor,
Lady J and KB ~ head nod
@ Carlito
Rejection is a hidden blessing. It hurts but see it for what it is If I did not go through being rejected I would not be where I am and who I am now.
we are >>>here<<<
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:06 am
Off topic: This dude is already taking a smoke break
He just came in around 8:15…hehehe. Oh well I am playing on the blog so I cannot talk 
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:06 am
Off topic: This dude is already taking a smoke break
He just came in around 8:15…hehehe. Oh well I am playing on the blog so I cannot talk 
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:08 am
RSMS is talking about what people do undercover @ work on his show this morning Professor!!!1 LOL We all do something lol
Carlito
May 12th, 2010
9:09 am
Lady J,
It's me....lurker
May 12th, 2010
9:09 am
Good morning!! Rejection…hmmm Been on the giving and receiving end. Giving it ain’t always easy because you don’t know how the person is going to react. Receiving it ain’t never easy because it’s always a blow. But as a few stated, sometimes it’s a healthy dosage of what you need to reflect on yourself and areas where you could improve. But hey it’s life and it happens.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:09 am
head nod pk!
DreamsMaterialize
May 12th, 2010
9:12 am
Morning
I can remember asking a guy a battery of “exit interview” kind of questions
Mannnnn I can’t stand this. I’m thinking this is a huge difference between men and women. If you say you don’t want to pursue something with me, I’m cool. I don’t need a reason, an excuse, an explanation, nothing. So, if I say I don’t want want to pursue something with you, then don’t ask me a million questions, especially if you’re only intereseted in arguing the answers instead of listening.
Welcome back Prof
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:15 am
LOL Lady J, I know we are all doing something…my undercover stuff is a bit more sneaky.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:16 am
Thanks DreamsM
Grace
May 12th, 2010
9:16 am
Hey KB! I’m doing well, just busy at work so I don’t get to blog as often. How are you?
PrincessNik....I won't complain!
May 12th, 2010
9:17 am
Dreams M
I don’t typically do the exit interview either LOL, however with my last serious boyfriend he said he wasn’t ready, so I had to ask ready for what? a relationship? a ready made family? Once he said ready made family oh that was instant closure for me because me and lil mama are a package deal and aint nothing going to change that.
DreamsMaterialize
May 12th, 2010
9:18 am
my undercover stuff is a bit more sneaky.
Ok now you’ve got my undivided attention… lol
kinderbabe--9 days and counting! woohoo!
May 12th, 2010
9:18 am
@princessnik…what up? (accompanied w/a head nod) lol
@professor…i know right! i have worked EXTRA hard to count down these 9 days. it’s been a rough school year but i’m still standing.
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:19 am
DreamsM too early or is it! LOL
Grace
May 12th, 2010
9:19 am
The exit interview!?! Is there a severance package?
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:20 am
lmbao grace! I think not~go get a botle of wine and keep it moving! LOL
Professor (sort of sleepy)
May 12th, 2010
9:20 am
@DreamsM…lol
kinderbabe--9 days and counting! woohoo!
May 12th, 2010
9:20 am
@grace…glad that you are doing well.:) i understand about being busy at work. i feel my blog days coming to a close soon w/a busy summer ahead. i always like to check in though when a can. i get a lot of good laughs here and it breaks the monotony.:)
Grace
May 12th, 2010
9:25 am
LOL @ Lady J
kimmie
May 12th, 2010
9:26 am
Morning fellow blog cliquemates!LOL!!!
Dreams, I guess I’m like you, I don’t want nobody who don’t want me & no explaination is required. Sometimes ish just don’t work out, that’s life, keep it moving. Even when you can clearly see it coming, it still can sting a little. And yes, while sometimes it can be a case of you needing to brush up on some things, most of the time it’s just that other person isn’t interested in your product, not that there is anything wrong with your product.
But in any case, I don’t believe in the notion of someone breaking up with you for “no reason”. The fact that you don’t want to be with me is reason enough.
Keep It Moving
Mo (aka Moeisha )
May 12th, 2010
9:28 am
Hey Everybody!! Happy Hump Day!
Interesting topic! As far as handling rejection I think I do pretty well. If a dude was to say he wasnt interested, I can move on with no issue. No lingering or asking a bunch of questions bc at that point it really doesnt matter. He said he didnt want to pursue anything further and thats fine. (now he better mean what he says b/c if he changes his mind he is SOL!)
Lady J-reflecting & evaluating & assessing-Loving It!
May 12th, 2010
9:29 am
most of the time it’s just that other person isn’t interested in your product
That is real talk Kimmie and that is where I am sharping my wit with I am me and you are just not interested in me!
Great Post!