Undateable: how do you measure up?
I heard about a new book called “Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating or Having Sex.“ Obviously the book title is tongue in cheek but it certainly says a lot about how self-absorbed single people can be. Only 311 bad moves that can torpedo your chances with women, really?!
The authors probably read our blog to get some great stories of deal breakers, bad first dates, or general misadventures in dating. We all know how many silly and completely ridiculous reasons single people can come up with not to date one another. We can deem someone undateable for the most random stuff, but how do we measure up?
Is it possible that we have all these requirements and checklists for the people we date because we are insecure? I don’t mean to go all arm-chair psychologist on you guys, but it seems more like a defense mechanism then a coping tool. Maybe we are undateable but we try to make it seem like it’s every one else. Would you date yourself?
Do you think that you are dateable? What do you think are some ways we make ourselves undateable?
Just for kicks and giggles, what is your definition of undateable!?
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439 comments Add your comment
ShallowHolly
May 11th, 2010
9:07 am
Good Morning!
I saw this show last night and couldn’t stop laughing!! My current boyfriend for the hour just matched about everything on the list. Then the show made me realize that I am with a loser and that I can do a lot better. So I am going to break up with him at the end of the week. As for me being undatable I am not. Some ways that we make outselves undatable is when we nag all the time, compare ourself with our friends or make our dudes get our female products during the time of the month. Also I have been told that I ask for sex too much so I guess that would make me undateable right? LOL
Jeff
May 11th, 2010
9:13 am
Can I list my 311 things a woman can do that would make me not date her? As far as giving her any? Different set of criteria altogether.
See how we men can compartmentalize? Simple isn’t it.
rob
May 11th, 2010
9:15 am
I consider myself to be very dateable. I know how to take care of a lady. However, I was the victim of a girl who explained from the very beginning that she only went on 1 or 2 dates with guys because her “high expectations” were never met. I thought she was just high maintenance. However, after learning of her expectations, I realized that they were completely unrealistic. She wanted guys to fail so that she could easily move on to the next and not feel bad about it and feel better about herself. I guess I was different. I made it two months. However, after her constantly going back and forth with “I’m scared to be with you but I am scared to lose you,” I realized this was not a person that I wanted to continue to be with.
My definition of “undateable” is a girl so beautiful but so insecure on the inside that she needs constant reinforcement from a plethora of first dates instead of the security and comfort of being with one person she knows can look past what she considers her faults.
Leggs
May 11th, 2010
9:51 am
Good morning!
@ShallowHollow ~ you starting early this morning. This is funny
“Some ways that we make outselves undatable is when we nag all the time, compare ourself with our friends”
Isn’t that what you did last week when you compared your friends being engaged before you and they started dating after you. You’re a riot!
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
9:59 am
Good morning,
I would assume being an azzhole, overly critical, condescending, nasty, miserable, super negative…would all be reasons that constitute “undateability’. Where is everybody…seems a little dank, dark and quiet in here today. Did blogsville get foreclosed on? lol
Huh?
May 11th, 2010
10:01 am
“My current boyfriend for the hour just matched about everything on the list”
syntax question. Was that a ‘boyfriend for an hour’ or the ‘hour show while your boyfriend was present and matching things on the list’.
’cause if it was ‘boyfriend for an hour’….LMAO Is that why they have room rentals by the hour in certain parts of town?
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
10:03 am
I am really lost on today’s topic.
ShallowHolly
May 11th, 2010
10:03 am
LOL Yes, I did rent him for a hour and now I want a refund! Hello Leggs! Yes, I know… that is why I am datable…
SexyCool
May 11th, 2010
10:08 am
Three Words Daily – Fear no evil.
JtJ
May 11th, 2010
10:10 am
Good AM,
A lot of people have characteristics like being overly arrogant, rude, snobbish, conceited, shallow, etc. that make them undateable. Now, some people who display these, may get plenty of 1st dates and no second dates and still think their crap don’t stink. The question shouldn’t be if they are dateable, because a brief convo can lead to a first date, but the question should be if you can repeat dates with same person. Dating should not just be something to do as a hobby, it should be with the intention of finding a long-term companion, possibly a mate. I don’t get the thrill of dating just to be dating. But, I guess that’s when you know what you want in your life.
SexyCool
May 11th, 2010
10:12 am
I’m already dating myself.
I take myself out to eat. I take myself to the movies, to concerts, to the park. I enjoy my own company. I watch movies with myself. I make myself dinner. I give myself happy endings! LOL!
But er, um, yeah…in the context of the actual question asked, I would not only date me, I would marry me as well.
Leggs
May 11th, 2010
10:16 am
@SexyC ~ I am beginning to date myself. I took myself to the movies a few weeks ago and it wasn’t bad. I just didn’t have anybody on my side to whisper “Did you See That?”
Seriously, we all should date ourselves. I realize it’s easier for some. You see so much when you’re sitting or walking alone. Watching people is a great pastime!
@ShallowHolly ~ behave yourself! Better yet, get it crunked up in Blogsville!
kimmie
May 11th, 2010
10:16 am
Morning gang!
All I can say right now is what makes a person undateable to one person may not be a big deal to another. Also, could it be that you label something unrealistic because you yourself can’t measure up?
I am always hesitant to label someone or something unrealistic because it’s such a bummer, a dream-squasher. Most of the things people have told me I was unrealistic about, I have been able to achieve. Same with other folk that I thought inside might be being unrealistic. So I check myself.
I admire people who “GO FOR IT”. My SO said he’s tired of just “sitting on the sidelines of life” and so he is going after all of his dreams. It’s very inspiring to me. He’s not complacent about life. That’s the kind of man I was hoping to find, but when I expressed that desire to people, I was told I was being unrealistic.
There’s also nothing wrong with changing course in the middle of the journey either. You have that right. I’m also all about being practical when necessary.
Live and be happy. Go after what YOU WANT & NEED, not what OTHERS think.
DreamsMaterialize
May 11th, 2010
10:17 am
Morning
Did I miss the memo on the blog blackout or the blog vacation?
Anyway, I’d say I’m both, dateable and undateable, depending on who’s doing the choosing. Of course I never pitch my product to those who aren’t in the market for what I’m selling. The market is fickle though. Sometimes I have a mainstream market, other times it’s a niche market. I’m resillient though. lol
kimmie
May 11th, 2010
10:20 am
Dreams – I like that!
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
10:29 am
“I never pitch my product to those who aren’t in the market for what I’m selling”
Dreams say you don’t do any cold-calling huh? LMAO Nice analogy though bud.
BlackMagicWoman
May 11th, 2010
10:49 am
Hello-o-o-o-o-o…is anybody home?
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
10:54 am
Slim is here but it sort of feels a bit eery in here…sort of like that movie the Happening going on today.
JtJ
May 11th, 2010
10:58 am
@ Kimmie – “There’s also nothing wrong with changing course in the middle of the journey either.”.—I so agree with this. My sister is making a change to start a new career as a nurse afer working for a huge insurance company for the past 10 yrs. She said this was something she always wanted to do, but felt like she had to stay since that was all she knew.
In dating, you change the course frequently or you can find yourself dating in circles.
@SexyCool– Yeah, I can totally relate to “dating myself”. I did that after my divorce and would just go out and take myself to a movie and dinner.
Raqi
May 11th, 2010
10:59 am
I am allergic to obnoxious. Period.
As for being Undateable? It’s all relative.
But in line with the humor of the topic I would say that man that doesn’t know how to dress and looks unkempt would get looked over.
In all seriousness, I think as we grow and learn, (some of us learn because there are some 35, 40 and nearly 50 year olds still fooling themselves) we realize that some things are just superficial and dumb. I clicked that link and watched that short video. I would say over half of the stuff that was pointed out as making a person undateable on that video was just shallow and petty. Dumb.
When are some folks going to learn that they are just being unrealistic. If those women are truly passing men over for the trivial, and not even wrong or criminal, stuff they are showing on that site they will be forever single.
As for me being undateable, I was to a few guys. But that was okay because not all men are the same. Not all men are looking for the same things. There is someone for everyone. The thing is are you willing to date the person that is willing and wanting to date you?
Some folks are going to be old and feeble taking that last breath still waiting, hoping and looking for that person that is not waiting, hoping and looking for them.
You don’t have to settle to be realistic. I think some people set the bar so high that they don’t want anyone to be able to live up to it and yes insecurity can be why. The fear of failure is another.
JtJ
May 11th, 2010
11:02 am
@ Rob, my fiance says that about a lot of girls, especially the one’s who seem to have so much going for them ( i.e. looks, career) but they lack self-confidence and usually drive men away with their insecurities. We were looking at a family member’s wedding pictures and noticed a very pretty girl, who was in the wedding party. He said the girls and guys were talking about how insecure she was and could not maintain a relationship because she made it seem like everyone else was “lacking” and would blow them off in an attempt to mask her issues. One of the groomsmen had dated her and said it was sad that such a pretty girl was single.
Dig That
May 11th, 2010
11:05 am
“Dating should not just be something to do as a hobby, it should be with the intention of finding a long-term companion, possibly a mate. I don’t get the thrill of dating just to be dating.”
@JtJ- It truly has become just a sport.
Dateable or undateable? That can only answered by those outside of us that are willing or not willing to put up with our crap.
Dig That
May 11th, 2010
11:11 am
@Rob- You hit the nail on the head. I used to tend to go after the super beautiful and fine chick other guys would be nervous to holla at and I was always amazed how the outside never matched the inside. These used to be the most insecure women ever. It could never last more than sex because I found myself being less interested the more they talked the more screwed they seemed.
It's me....lurker
May 11th, 2010
11:16 am
No such thing as “not dateable”….you just have to find someone that’s in sync with you, you’re beliefs, what you like (or don’t), what’s good, what’s not. Now, finding that is the real issue…
mqew
May 11th, 2010
11:17 am
Raqi/Rob Maybe that is Chili’s issue on her show… something to the effect of making herself undateable on purpose… for who knows why really.
Undateable is a weird concept to me as it seems that every asshole I’ve ever met, knows they’re a buttwipe and just don’t care. Same with the arrogant, egotistical, negative (pessimistic) individuals… they knew… Not really undateable because someone always find themselves as the undateable’s “victim”…
So, I guess I’m saying I don’t think the undateable exists…
mqew
May 11th, 2010
11:19 am
Or maybe I should have said the “undateable’s” “victim”…
kimmie
May 11th, 2010
11:22 am
The thing is are you willing to date the person that is willing and wanting to date you?
Raqi – It works both ways here too. Just because you are willing and wanting to date a person doesn’t mean they are willing or want to date you. People have a right to want what they want, they just have to realize that some wants come with more of a challenge. Are you willing to wait it out or do what it takes to get what you want? Or can you decide mid-stream that maybe your wants have changed due to changed circumstances?
See, I just have a problem with the usual mindset that seems to prevail, that it’s kinda okay for a guy to have “shallow” desires but not a woman. If he wants a supermodel when he looks like a troll,it’s okay, especially if he has some money. But Miss Chubby Plain Jane is told she’s being unrealistic if all she wants is a guy that is tall. Especially if she’s over 25.
Just my opinion, my chip.
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:24 am
Let’s wake this place up.
Why is there a difference between what is “dateable” and what is “phuckable”.
Do not act like there is a not a difference. LOL
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:25 am
Is Twitter a form of narcissism?
Leggs
May 11th, 2010
11:25 am
@mqew ~ I immediately thought of Chilli, but didn’t want to say anything. Her checklist of requirements is laughable at times. She insists they have to be “gorgeous.” Well, I definitely guess that’s in the eye of the beholder because she can see herself with Floyd Mayweather if things should progress that far. Gorgeous, smorgeous. Hrrmmph. To actually walk around with a checklist is detrimental. We all have flaws and I don’t think anyone can accommodate everything on a person’s checklist. If that was the case, there wouldn’t be any hangups in the relationship. A relationship w/o any hangups is not a true relationship!
Randyt (aka Should have known better the first time on most of this stuff)
May 11th, 2010
11:25 am
Boy does this topic hit home. I have met about five new ladies that are all interested in going out, I am trading for a new and nicer convertible, and was really looking forward to a grand weekend going out, playing golf with my sons, giving my granddaughter her birthday presents since i was out of the ocuntry when her birthday came around…and now I find that my company wants me a on a plane to Europe onSaturday when I’ve finally slept in my own bed for nine straight nights. So if you need to add another to make it 312, add work too *&^%&&& effing much.
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
11:26 am
Carlito – what’s wrong with being phuckable AND dateable?…and do you have to hold back the phuckability factor a bit in order to balance the dateable side as well cause after a while, one will take over the other. LOL!
Melo
May 11th, 2010
11:28 am
Good morning!!
I am not dateable..dining and being with u at events,all that nonsense?? naaaaaw! .but yeeeeeah, I am phuckable”!..
dating is waaay too expensive and time consuming…i am on a limited time schedule/budget!
….for me at least!
Yeah…WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP !!
Leggs
May 11th, 2010
11:28 am
Beckerman Sentenced To 10 Years In Prison – A West Hartford man convicted of burning down his own home is sentenced on his 79th birthday to spend 10 years in prison and pay a $40,000 fine on Tuesday.
OH MY!
Also, it feels like someone dropped blood all over Blogsville like in Carrie and everyone has scattered. Come on out folks, it’s washable blood!
kimmie
May 11th, 2010
11:29 am
Don’t assume that just because a person is pretty and single that they must be insecure, crazy or undateable.
Plus, it’s plenty physically unattractive, crazy, mean people that are coupled up.
So I agree with mqew, undateable does not really exist. It’s somebody for everybody.
kinderbabe--11 days and counting! woohoo!
May 11th, 2010
11:29 am
@carlito…seems that “dateable” takes more consideration than “phuckable” at least in my eyes. when thinking if one is “fit” to date, i consider compatibility on a mental AND physical level. if it’s just a phuck, that’s purely physical…who gives a holly who if there’s compatability?…LOL…except in the bedroom that is.
and yes, i do think twitter is a form of narcissism.:)
Randyt (aka Should have known better the first time on most of this stuff)
May 11th, 2010
11:30 am
I think the blog police just ate my vent. so here is a reduced nicer version.
#312…company wants you on a plane for somewhere a long ways away just when you set up a date. I think I am going to be a Catholic priest…I’ve got the celibacy part down pat.
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:30 am
kimmie, when I was checking out the dating scene in Atlanta I had a big girl come up to me, not like a fine big but I am talking about the type of big that needs a seatbelt extender on a business class flight. She asks me “Are you ready for a REAL WOMAN” those were her first words to me. I trying not to hurt her feelings responded with “What is your definition of a real woman?”. Whilst she was stunned and pondering my question towards, I threw a chicken thigh at her to cause a distraction and walked away.
Okay, I didn’t throw the chicken at her but I did walk away after I asked her that not giving her a chance to respond. This was at Twist. LOL
kinderbabe--11 days and counting! woohoo!
May 11th, 2010
11:31 am
@leggs…that chilli is something else isn’t she? when she said one of her requirements was “gorgeous” and she was all up in mayweather’s grill, she immediately lost credibility w/me! LOL
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
11:34 am
mqew
May 11th, 2010
11:35 am
Leggs – Yeah, it’s retarded to have an extensive list, AND it seems as if she knows that. WTH! Sooooo you just really don’t want to date then hunh? And I do agree. A relationship without any hangups does not exist…
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:36 am
SlimOne,kinderbabe I understand fully. Here is a personal example. SlimOne is very beautiful and sexy fine. She is “phuckable” for sure IMO, but she is not “dateable” because I am married now. LOL
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:38 am
SlimOne, that distraction tactic works really well. Just throw it up in the air and while they are gawking and making a move to catch the poultry, you walk away really fast. LOL
kinderbabe--11 days and counting! woohoo!
May 11th, 2010
11:38 am
@carlito…o.k…lol. you’re talking about something different. “dateable” speaks to your availabilty or that person’s availability outside of the “phuckable” sense. o.k. i got it now. and by the way, when did you get married???? i obviously have missed a lot…lol.
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:42 am
kinderbabe, I was just making a joke on that blog entry. IMO, some women are very “phuckable” all of the physical attributes are there that turn me on. They are not “dateable” because they have baggage or some mental issue I do not want to deal with. Or she may be really ugly but fine “butter face” so that is another reason she is “phuckable” but not dateable or something about her just is “not right” you still hit it but leave shortly after. (Standing in for Melo, until he takes over) LOL
SexyCool
May 11th, 2010
11:43 am
Rock – “But in line with the humor of the topic I would say that man that doesn’t know how to dress and looks unkempt would get looked over.”
I had to re-post that. LMAO!
kimmie
May 11th, 2010
11:43 am
Carlito – But why didn’t u give her a chance? Because you did not find her physically attractive, that’s why, and the world accepts you for feeling that way. But let you be a 37-year old single AA woman and you turned down the male equivalent. Folks would have been saying your standards are too high & you’re being too picky & after all, you’re no spring chicken, turning down good men like that!LOL!!
Luvbug
May 11th, 2010
11:44 am
I’d date me if I were at least somewhat physically attracted to me…and shared compatible values and life goals.
Carlito – Why did I gasp while reading ‘I threw a chicken thigh at her to cause a distraction and walked away’? I’m glad that didn’t happen.
SlimOne (under construction)
May 11th, 2010
11:47 am
Carltio is very handsome and sexy fine. He is “phuckable” for sure IMO, but he is not “dateable” because he is married now
Carlito
May 11th, 2010
11:48 am
kimmie, because I live a healthy life style and sht. LOL. Although if she were appealing to me visually and still opened with “Are you ready for a REAL WOMAN” the results would have been the same sans chicken thigh.