Is marriage the prize?
I was having a “get to know you” conversation with a guy I met downtown recently. He mentioned something about the women he had been meeting and their urgency to get hitched. I got the sense that he was trying to suss out if I had that burning desire to jump the broom. His line of questioning kind of danced around the topic a bit. I was rather enjoying his not so subtle way of asking me about my “time line” for my life. I let him ramble on about it but I never outright told him I want to be married.
He finally said, “If dating is a game, then marriage is the prize isn’t it?” Now, I am a fan of marriage (these days?) and I certainly know a lot of women who can’t wait to marry the men that they love. However, I don’t know if it’s marriage that is the prize. I think the man is the prize! Isn’t it better to consider it that way?
Marriage will have its ups and downs and there will be moments when you won’t feel like its even worth it. Isn’t this when you think about the person you married as the prize, the reason you are there?
Are we all going out to meet and find the right person because we want to be married? Do you think marriage is the ultimate prize of the dating game?
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494 comments Add your comment
SweetMC
May 4th, 2010
8:55 am
WOW…this is my first time posting.
AmazonRed™
May 4th, 2010
8:58 am
Morning all.
Well, if you’ve been here for any period longer than a month, you’d know that “all” of us aren’t going out to find the right person because we want to be married.
That much is clear.
In any case, I do want to be married. Period. What you call it doesn’t really matter “prize” “goal” “desire”… I don’t need to dance around it, nor am I scared or ashamed to admit it…I’d like to be married.
Now, do I have a sense of urgency about it? No. Fortunately, I don’t have a biological clock, so that helps. I’d rather take another 10 years to make sure I’m with the right person then to marry the wrong one. I hope it doesn’t take that long of course.
kinderbabe--15 days and counting! woohoo!
May 4th, 2010
8:59 am
dating for dating’s sake is a new age concept. traditionally, the point of it all has been to get married. it’s much more recreational now (like a sport). i wouldn’t call it the prize but i would call it the “goal” or “purpose” of even dating. i don’t mean that for women but for men as well.
SweetMC
May 4th, 2010
9:05 am
People put too much emphasis on marriage, because I know several couples that have been together for years (15+) and are not married. Not to say that they haven’t considered it or given it any thought…sometimes its best to focus on ourselves, the individual that we’re involved with and our time together.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
May 4th, 2010
9:06 am
Are we all going out to meet and find the right person because we want to be married?
No.
SweetMC
May 4th, 2010
9:15 am
Have you ever meet a couple that was together for years, decided to get married, and filed for divorced a couple years later? Were they not compatible, did their love not sustain or prevail through the tough times, or did they expect more from their partner since they were married?
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
9:15 am
Marriage is the ultimate commitment. It is the establishment of a man and woman becoming one entity. Recognized by the government. Inseparable before God.
For me finding and being with this wonderful man is the prize. However having him to commit to me in the closest and truest form is priceless.
A lot of posters are going to come on and say that marriage is just a piece of paper and give all the examples of marriages that do not work, I have seen if many times on here, but it isn’t just a piece of paper. It’s your commitment to each other documented. It is a publicized exchange of promises. It is two willing to be one with each other, accountable to each other and responsible for each other. And having a vow and a law to hold you to it.
If marriage was not that greater step into a deeper commitment why do so many elude it. Committing you to someone that can have, take, be awarded half???? Damn, how much of a greater commitment can you make? LOL
That’s why having that person that you love and cherish so dearly be joined in matrimony to you is the ultimate prize.
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
9:20 am
Kinderbabe, your comment goes to what my dad used to tell us all the time, “You date to marry”. That is what people used to do.
And it was not because it’s what they had to do, that’s what so many fool themselves into believing. People back then married for the same reason we marry now, because that is what we want.
And that is why people dated. Now dating is more recreational and less sincere.
Sarasep
May 4th, 2010
9:20 am
Unfortunately, most women (and men, too) really don’t understand the legal ramifications of marriage – which legally binds you to another person. I also find it sad that so many women want to get married so badly, yet don’t take the time to get to know themselves first, and what they truly want out of life. They worry too much about what society tells them they’re ’supposed’ to do.
These days, I think many women just want to get married so they can sit at home, have someone else pay their bills, and have a couple of kids, so in case of divorce, they’ll get paid. Look at women celebrities and what they get paid in child support……….is it any big surprise that marriage is so coveted by women more so than men? It’s just like being told all your life that you’re ’supposed’ to buy a house – it’s the ‘American Dream’………and we all know how that fiasco has played out in the past couple of years!
DreamsMaterialize
May 4th, 2010
9:22 am
Morning
I’d say that the individuals are the prizes, and marriage is the eventual, spiritual cementing of the prize in your life.
mytw♥cents... you are the pro-to-type
May 4th, 2010
9:29 am
Yeah, Wise. I was thinkin’ he should be my prize and I should be his. Isn’t that the whole idea? Well at least it’s mine ~ Every man’s woman should feel like his trophy & vise versa…
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
9:34 am
TwoLincolns, I don’t disagree that the person is the prize however he isn’t really, legally, actually, officially yours until you sign for him. LOL
abc
May 4th, 2010
9:35 am
Sure, marriage is the prize. Everyone eventually wants the object of their fondest desire to feel the same about them, and to commit to the union. Nobody wants the consolation prize. That said, it’s not for everybody. Not everyone is marriage material, either by their own choice, or by not being someone else’s choice.
Tazzee - 10 days til the prize!
May 4th, 2010
9:36 am
Morning Folks!
I believe that the man is the prize. However I also believe that I don’t truly have him until we’re married – so essentially, marriage is the prize. Those that don’t believe marriage is necessary would probably thing otherwise.
LadyAJ
May 4th, 2010
9:37 am
@Sarasep, Do you discount the women who are financially stable, are not gold diggers, and still want to get married? I believe the man should be the prize and love, happiness, and commitment should be the goal
Tazzee - 10 days til the prize!
May 4th, 2010
9:38 am
“think otherwise”
Melo
May 4th, 2010
9:43 am
People put too much emphasis on marriage
@SweetMC!
Avoid dissappointment,Aim Low!!
thats ur mantra??
Melo
May 4th, 2010
9:52 am
The person is the prize if he is marriage material.
and there is no legal or societal imperative for that person to be there for u when ur chips are down.
There is no way he can be the prize and all u do is hump each other but go seperate ways
What wld be the point of having a prize that is,for all intents and purposes,useless in the greater skim of things??
Long term boyfriend/girlfriend??
Good morning!
I do understand and accept that there is failure in this journey and acknowledging failure is a challenge for some, so if u spin ur tales today, I forgive u!
Good morning!
JustMe aka SlimOne
May 4th, 2010
9:55 am
Morning yall….I don’t know why folks get shot down when they express a desire to one day get married. It’s not like you said you want to go out have 9 babies with 8 different baby daddy’s. My name is Slim, and I want to get married one day! (said without wearing my Blog issued vest)
To me, like Raqi & Dreams stated, it’s about that committment…to coming together of two people that want to love, cherish, and go through the trenches together. It’s about having that person you can trust being your best friend, partner, ace boon coon. Folks these days, don’t really have the patience or desire to want to commit to anything other than the material aspects of life. Life is about creating relationships & bonds…the intanglibles of the world.
SweetMC
May 4th, 2010
9:59 am
Our partner ought to be the prize…not because of their status, salary, intellect, car, home, etc. Marriage is all about building a future TOGETHER, regardless of what happened b4 we meet and what may possibly happen later on in life. There are some really good men and women out there! But how are we supposed to see them for whom they are when society says otherwise and we allow our families/friends/blogs/questionnaires to dictate our future. Although the advice is noteworthy, the decision to wed is yours to make (and hopefully once).
Willie Dynamite
May 4th, 2010
9:59 am
Morning All,
I agree with several of the other posters thus far this morn. As a resident member of the Married group I am a big fan of Marriage. I also see and understand the apprehensions about Marriage. To whomever posted that Marriage is not for everyone is 100% correct. I’m also of the belief that your commitment to yourself and to the other person pretty much trumps everything, Marriage License included. I dont want to seem like I’m against the institution of Marriage but my commitment to Wifey didnt change and/or increase after I signed up.
As for dating to marry, thats a personal choice. If you like to date for recreation then so be it. If you Date to marry then so be it. Just be honest in your interactions with the opposite so as not to waste anyones time.
Leggs
May 4th, 2010
10:00 am
Good morning!
How does it feel to be #1 SweetMC ~ welcome to Blogsville. My newly ordered vests should be coming in this afternoon. I’ll get one to you.
Marriage isn’t for everyone, but it can be a wonderful adventure if you’re with the right person!
ATLBred
May 4th, 2010
10:01 am
The beautiful relationship with the person is the prize. I don’t view marriage as the prize because I know plenty of people who just settled just to be married, and it doesn’t turn out well. I don’t so much see the person as the prize either, they have their faults and shortcomings and ups and downs. But I believe it is what the two of you bring together and make that is the prize.
1.The fact that you compliment each other for each other’s shortcomings.
2.The joy that you bring each other during the hardest times.
3.The companionship that you share …..
4. The never ending commitment to each other.
and so on.
That is the prize…..something so few people truly get to experience these days.
kimmie
May 4th, 2010
10:04 am
Good morning gang!
For those who desire it, marriage is the ultimate commitment to the one you love. I guess a lot of people also consider it, marriage, to be the ultimate “prize”, because if you date someone for a long period of time and it does not end in marriage, many look at it as a failure, that you somehow “lost”. You couldn’t “hold on” to him/her or “get” them to marry you. While I believe, especially at this point in my life, that marriage is my ultimate goal, I don’t necessarily think that every relationship I’ve been in in the past was a failure because it didn’t end in marriage. All brought something to my life and just brought me closer to the person I currently date & hope to marry. In fact, yes hindsight is 20/20 and a few of those exes I feel truly blessed that I didn’t marry.
I do recognize that marriage is not for everyone, but those that desire it should not be criticized for wanting it. And those who don’t want it should be respected also.
kimmie
May 4th, 2010
10:08 am
As for dating to marry, thats a personal choice. If you like to date for recreation then so be it. If you Date to marry then so be it. Just be honest in your interactions with the opposite so as not to waste anyones time.
Willie – I SO agree with this!
Leo
May 4th, 2010
10:08 am
Yes, marriage is the goal and prize. Most of us are looking for love and when you love someone you want to be with them. Question – I am old fashioned and feel like the man should be the one to ask the woman for marriage, yet I have several friends that asked first and they did get married. Is anyone else out there old fashioned like me? How about you guys, do you think you should take the lead in asking or does it matter?
Carrington
May 4th, 2010
10:08 am
Good Morning Bloggers & Bloggetts! If dating is the game, is marriage the prize? Very good question/observation.
ATLBred said exactly what I was thinking. I would think that Being Happily Married would be the prize. Too many people are getting married these days for the sake of not being alone, or not being single. Then they realize…I would have been better off alone…or single.
So Marriage -yes, I’m all for it, but give me a woman that I can be happy with…and then I truthfully feel I will have that prize…
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:10 am
Every time this topic comes up so many want to dote on the failed marriages and the folks that married for the wrong reasons. But from what I once knew and still hear about today, that not being married=single thing isn’t working out so great for more than a few.
I agree that marriage isn’t for everyone however there are others that are doing it quite well.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
May 4th, 2010
10:10 am
I do recognize that marriage is not for everyone, but those that desire it should not be criticized for wanting it. And those who don’t want it should be respected also.
That needed repeating Kimmie. Ultimately it’s up to each individual to do what works best for them….for some it leads to the altar and for some it doesn’t…plain and simple.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
May 4th, 2010
10:13 am
I agree that marriage isn’t for everyone however there are others that are doing it quite well.
Yes they’re doing it well and to them…ALL of them congrats n kudos
SexyCool
May 4th, 2010
10:18 am
Three Words Daily – I’m Number One!
SexyCool
May 4th, 2010
10:19 am
Happiness, contentment, sense of security, partnership, love, support, commitment – all prizes.
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:19 am
Wow, Tazzee 10 days??? You are right now at the day I was at the day after I accepted the proposal. LOL 10 days away from becoming the Mrs.
Melo
May 4th, 2010
10:19 am
@Raqi!!
its like debating the value of education and saying “oh yea, education is good but there are some unemployed educated pple out there so its doesnt always pan out”"
ohh boy!!
u gotta sugar coat a good thang coz of the failures??
Leggs
May 4th, 2010
10:22 am
@Leo ~ I am old fashioned as well and believe that the man should ask the woman to marry him.
And, marriage is the prize, if that’s what you want! It’s the reward at the end of the dating cycle. Now, you’ll only have more meaningful dates with your chosen one!
Carrington
May 4th, 2010
10:22 am
@Raqi….your post made think on another point.
Wise, if you don’t mind, I’m going to extend the topic here a bit. If you are single…and dating (hopefully you are or will), or playing the game….and never get married, does this mean you can never get the prize?
……
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:23 am
Carrington, I agree, Happily Married is the prize.
kimmie
May 4th, 2010
10:23 am
Raqi – Yeah, I do get tired of hearing about all the failures. Not only on the blogs, but all over the media – who broke up, is divorcing, how much money they gotta pay out, why they can’t be faithful, can’t “keep” a man/woman, you name it! I’m experiencing failure overload!LOL!!
I guess making a marriage/relationship work and how, staying together and being happy just aren’t interesting enough topics. Or they don’t sell!
AmazonRed™
May 4th, 2010
10:24 am
I’ve heard several married/engaged girlfriends say that marriage didn’t happen for them until they admitted to themselves they wanted to be married. When they stopped dancing around it on dates. When they stopped thinking they didn’t “need” a man.
kimmie
May 4th, 2010
10:25 am
Amred – Yep, have heard the same thing!
SexyCool
May 4th, 2010
10:27 am
Now, I know why I want to get married. When I got married the first time, I just wanted to be married. I was too young to have given any thought about why I wanted to be married, what I wanted that marriage to look like, what I was expecting from it, the work that would be required to keep it going and what parts of myself I would be willing to sacrifice to stay in it.
I have now given all of those things much thought. And I am still comfortable in knowing that when it comes to TheDude, I will marry that man.
And I also better understand that it will require a discussion between the two of us to determine what WE want the marriage to look like, what we are expecting from it, the work that would be required to keep it going and what parts of ourselves we will be willing to sacrifice to stay in it.
Because I can see waking up to everyday him saying, “I still choose you.”
Leggs
May 4th, 2010
10:28 am
When they stopped thinking they didn’t “need” a man.
Then why date in the first place???
DreamsMaterialize
May 4th, 2010
10:29 am
Everyone ought to do what they believe will make them happy, as long as others aren’t harmed in the process. If that’s marriage, then pursue it vigorously. If it’s something else, then work just as hard to secure that.
Leggs
May 4th, 2010
10:30 am
And that’s not only for your friends ARed, it’s for all women who say they don’t need a man!
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:31 am
It’s the reward at the end of the dating cycle
Leggs I wouldn’t say that marriage is the end of the dating cycle. It may be the ending of the “Right and Left Grand” dating dance but it’s just the beginning of a more intricate dating of life together.
kimmie
May 4th, 2010
10:33 am
Leo – I’m old-fashioned that way as well. Even if he accepts, I think I would always wonder if he would have really chosen me.
Because I can see waking up to everyday him saying, “I still choose you.”
SCool – Beautiful!
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
May 4th, 2010
10:33 am
I guess making a marriage/relationship work and how, staying together and being happy just aren’t interesting enough topics. Or they don’t sell!
I think it’s just that…it doesn’t sell. For some reason if it’s not salacious or scandalous enough it won’t sell. That’s why alot of the positivity gets ingored or shoved somewhere else….not fair nor a complete representation.
Carrington
May 4th, 2010
10:34 am
Kimmie….you said it right. The great marriages do not sell, so you won’t hear about them.
Usually you have to recognize those on your own…but you have to have a clear head to do so. But then…as you said…if you only hear about break ups, cheaters…scandals…how are you to keep your head clear.
I think that is one of the reasons marraiges do fail, or sometimes not even happen. People see the negative…and it seeps into their situation….
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:35 am
Or they don’t sell
Kimmie, I agree.
Raqi...Holding the Prize
May 4th, 2010
10:39 am
and it seeps into their situation
Carrington, that is so true. You got to keep away from the toxic “friends” and don’t feed into the negatives of society. If you listen to the crap for too long it will have your head all messed up.
You’ll start wondering is there something wrong with you and yours when things are going good. LOL