I don’t worship at the Church of Oprah or anything, but sometimes her shows really fascinate me.  For example, yesterday she had a security expert on to talk about ways women could look for signs of potentially dangerous men.   He even developed an assessment tool that can be used to determine “how much of a threat” an abusive person could be, called MOSAIC:

I can understand the need to find out this kind of thing.  Especially if domestic violence is involved.  It made me think about how a lot of us don’t listen to our instincts and intuition.  Sometimes we are oblivious to what we project in our behavior.

In my experiences, some men don’t always know how they come across to women.  There are many ways that a guy can scare a woman off when he is trying to do the opposite.  Ladies, what type of behaviors do some men have that tend to scare you away? Have you ever told a guy why he torpedoed any chances of dating you because of something that really bothered you?

Guys, …

Continue reading Scaring her off »

A married friend of mine recently told me that I was lucky to be single and free to date around.  It made me chuckle a little because just days before, I had experienced a pretty awful dating misadventure.  It was just one of those dates where all signs pointed to “Stop. Do not past go. Go straight to hell no.”

The guy was attractive enough in the beginning, but the more he talked the less I wanted him to.  When he made a rude comment about single women worrying about the wrong ring, it was pretty much a wrap.  Apparently ladies, instead of chasing a wedding ring, we need to focus on the “ring of dirt” in our bathrooms.  

First date flops are pretty common when you are dating around.  When we discussed whether “first impressions are reliable” some of us believed that you can’t always go by snap judgments. What about when you talk, find out about one another, then go on a really awful bad date? Now what?  Do you risk a colossal waste of time on a second date?

Have you …

Continue reading First date misadventures »

My Mother came into town Sunday to attend a nursing conference in the city.  I was basically her driver/hotel concierge/hostess for the last two days and I am exhausted! I enjoyed having her around but my poor Father was clearly miserable without his wife.

Dad constantly called to hear her voice, remind her to take her medication, and any other random excuse he thought up to dial her number.  It’s endearing and sweet to see their romance continue all these years!  When I saw them light up when they reunited  (after 48 whole hours!), I got all choked up and misty. It was like a sappy The Notebook moment right there in the parking lot.

I thought, “You know? I kind of want that!”  No,  seriously! I’ve been ambivalent about marriage and commitment in the past, but watching my parents yesterday made me think that marriage is totally worth it.  I would love to have a man still stand the sight of me, let alone love me, after over 40 years of marriage!

Do you think marriage and …

Continue reading Marriage is totally worth it! »

We hear all the time that nice guys finish last, but does the same ring true for super nice girls? Do they get glanced over as well?  Yes, super nice girls are out there, men.

I find it so fascinating (and by fascinating, I mean annoying) when I am super nice to some guys, they try to take my kindness for weakness.  Then I have to show the feisty side when I am challenged.When this happens, why does this often turn the guy on more? Is it because he’s lame and should be left alone?

I don’t like acting like a witch, but I always learn a lot about a guy when I’m in one of those modes.  It’s not about that “cute when you’re mad” excuse, either.  Challenging women attract a particular type of man. The question is, would I want that kind of man for my own?

Do you think that when you date someone new, you go through a phase where you are seeing what kind of boundaries the person has?

Is it true that nice girls finish last? How do men interpret a nice girl’s behavior? Do they test …

Continue reading Nice girls finish last too? »

I am not sure how many of you caught the premiere of VH1’s What Chili Wants last night.   Last week, we discussed the outrageous checklists that a lot of us have, whether consciously or subconsciously.

I was driving in to work just now listening to V103 and heard Chili mention how she did not want to date a man who drank. She doesn’t drink herself and she would like to find someone that doesn’t drink or drinks very little.

She said that if a man has to drink every day or every weekend, then she sees that as a drinking problem.  This actually struck a chord with me because I am awful at determining if a guy has a real drinking problem.

I grew up a minister’s daughter so my father never drank (well,  not in front me?) socially or occasionally.  I truly do not know what its like to be in a home when the person drinks all the time.  Personally, I am a “social” drinker, i.e. I will have, at most two cocktails (one if I am driving that evening).  During the week, I may have a …

Continue reading Hennessy, we have a problem »

Photo: Sal Photography

This week I had the opportunity to attend Janelle Monae’s album listening party at the Renaissance Waverly Hotel. If you haven’t heard of her before, she is one of those musicians who still understands that music is art.  Her latest project, The Arch Android is another example of what happens when a talented singer has a unique vision. She puts a lot into her songs and performances. I had a really great time hanging out with my cool friend Karsh and meeting new friends Brittany and Mark.

The crowd was mellow and eclectic with a nice mix of ages. We all watched Sean “Puffy” Combs’ on video from Paris rave about Janelle Monae’s new project slated for release on May 18.  He said we would not be disappointed and he was right. She had me at the first beat on the first song that was infused with her soulful voice and strong beats.  When the fourth song’s intro had me literally shrieking out loud, I knew that I was officially an Arch Android. This was the …

Continue reading My music, my muse »

Atlanta’s own Chilli (of TLC fame) is the focus of a new dating reality show on VH1.  This is the same network that brought such shows as Tough Love, Rock of Love, and now What Chilli Wants.  Well, according to the trailer, what she wants is too much, which is why she has had problems finding the one.

I’m sure in some bizarro world of reality television, Chilli could actually have a problem with a dating relationship.  I’m curious enough to watch just to see if she struggled with some of the same hangups many of us had and may still have.  Finding random and nonsensical reasons not to give someone a shot.

Watching a few scenes from the show made me laugh out loud, especially when Chilli’s friend, music producer,  Missy Elliot said she should just “Date Jesus”.  Clearly she was implying that no person walking the earth could meet any criteria that is totally unrealistic.

However, for argument’s sake, if anyone could pull off having a firm grip on a dating checklist, why …

Continue reading Date Jesus »

I can imagine that the “friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement has found its way into most of our lives.  Whether or we planned it or not, FWB doesn’t really have a long shelf-life.  I’m starting to think that this is probably for the best.

I wonder when is it a good idea to pull the plug on it though? When it stops working for you, what do you do? Are you stuck (ew, no pun intended) with them or do you think it’s legal to cut things off and back off?

I’ve heard some of my married friends say, “Girl, if I were single, I would be having a great time with that arrangement!”.  Yes well, I have a wonderful time being single, but getting an ideal friends with benefits arrangement started is about as complicated as getting a good relationship off the ground.

You have to find the right person who is trustworthy and drama-free. Then it helps if they are really hot and attracted to you too.  If I actually manage to locate this person, I’m not suggesting FWB status.  I’m looking …

Continue reading It’s not working »

Romantically Challenged is a new show that will be premiering this month on ABC, starring Alyssa Milano, of all people!   I’m sorry but it is awfully hard to believe that Alyssa Milano is romantically challenged in any way.  Nonetheless,  I’m curious to see the “romantic challenges”  her character faces on the dating scene in this show.

After all of my misadventures (and yours too) I probably could serve as a consultant for the writers of this show.  I definitely have had those moments when I feel romantically challenged.  Just when I think I have found a dating groove (not as sexy as it sounds, believe me), I hit a snag with men.  Either I choose the wrong type or get confused by mixed signals.  That’s when I pretty much check out on the relationship angle altogether.

Maybe we are all challenged in some way though, right? (RIGHT!?)  I can recall a couple of exes that seemed pretty clueless about navigating a relationship.  It was exhausting at times! I didn’t want …

Continue reading Romantically Challenged »

Have you ever been out and met someone who you instantly didn’t like? The person just rubbed you the wrong way because they said or did something that turned you off.  When that person later turns out to be someone you become friends with or date, you have to wonder how reliable our first impressions really are.

So often we seem to make so many snap judgments and quick superficial scans and we actually rule a potential romance out based on this.  When you think of your best relationships or closest friendships, do you remember what you first thought about that person when you met?

Do you think your first impressions on the dating scene gets you a second look or makes people steer clear?

HAPPY MONDAY! How was your weekend? Did you have any first impressions (good or bad) this weekend?

Update: Attention music lovers! Janelle Monae is in the city! She has an album listening party and performance tonight.

Meet and Greet & Album Party: 7-8PM

Renaissance Waverly Hotel

Address: …

Continue reading Are first impressions reliable? »