Dating interrupted: Why women need male friends
I have a small group of male friends that I consider like brothers. I’ve known them long enough to trust their judgment and definitely listen to their advice on dating! I don’t always like what they say, and I definitely don’t always love the way they say it. These guys mean well but they aren’t real big on tact. It’s pretty straight, no chaser kind of feedback I get from them.
When I asked one of them to go to the Nightline Face-Off debate earlier this month, I somehow got a dating lecture. Vince didn’t understand why I needed to go to any debate/forum about relationships. He seemed to think that a lot of women (read: me) sabotage our own chances with potential matches because we don’t like being happy.
I, of course don’t agree and prepared an impressive rebuttal with evidence of my concerted efforts to get coupled up. He counter argues (he’s finishing law school, a clear advantage over me) with my line up past of seedy characters and bad selections.
In my defense, I truly believe that I haven’t had major dating misadventures in the last three years. At the same time, Vince made me wonder about the little things I subconsciously do that probably are counterproductive. Such as having a crazy busy schedule and not making time for the time-worthy men I meet.
This is why it is good to have boy “space” friends. Ladies, they call you on your stuff when you need it. They do not sugarcoat no matter how much you threaten them using blackmail. Do you have people in your life who you trust to give you sage advice? I don’t just mean dating advice, but self-improvement in general? How did you come to trust this person so much?
Who do you seek out when you aren’t able to recognize the bad dating habits that are interrupting your dating life? I recall dating a man that literally had no close friends. At the time, I found it really odd but I think men are totally different in that they don’t require the same friendship connections that women do. What do you think?
Guys, do you have little to no male friends you consider your to be in your “inner circle”? Is it pretty common for a man to have no close friends? How healthy can that be emotionally? Or do you guys even think of that kind of thing?
One disclaimer about having boy “space” friends: Do not. I repeat. Do NOT ask them about sex. Men bring a totally new meaning to the phrase TMI (too much information) on that topic.
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467 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
3:32 pm
DK – I’ve seen the movie 1200 times and I never ever looked! Dang.
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
3:34 pm
Well, here’s a shocker…
Of course, pets have the advantage of not being able to understand what the f@#% you’re blathering on about…
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
3:34 pm
Ared – Threw me too but when she’s walking to the pool they show NuNu on her earrings..
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
3:35 pm
What did her necklace say? Didn’t she have a New New necklace?
Melo
April 28th, 2010
3:36 pm
have you decided on what to do with Mr. Viagra?
@Prof??
Leggs threw me off with that qstion coz beggers cant be chosers??
well i guess,they can,esp in the A..ive sen them on Marta, denying to take my food handouts,prefering cash instead!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
3:36 pm
Swiss, Two things. If you were that ladies husband would you listen? Also, did you see the picture of that guy with his pet crayfish named “Cray Aiken” LOL he has to be a Miss Man
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 28th, 2010
3:37 pm
You are to don your vest when blog bullets (scathing words) come your way. …but you may get hit with shrapnel hence the vest!
At least it wasn’t me flinging bad words….this time.
Dan
April 28th, 2010
3:39 pm
She fell so far off…
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
3:40 pm
@ Carlito — Dude, I didn’t even need to look at the picture. All I need to know is buddy has a pet crayfish named “Cray Aiken” & I can pretty much assume that he’s never pleasured a woman…
SexyCool
April 28th, 2010
3:40 pm
Dan – Cosign.
Weezie?
Dan
April 28th, 2010
3:43 pm
@SC
That hurt me soooooo bad.
recent pictures shows she picked up weezie’s body art habit…..
Professor
April 28th, 2010
3:43 pm
@Melo he messed up saying something. He should have waited until he got some loving and let it go down like this….
Leggs: Man you sweated my hair out.
Mr. V: Naw baby that wasn’t me….hehehe
Leggs: (giggle) Yes that was you.
Mr. V: Reach on the floor and go in his pant’s pockets…see my little friends here…they help me get the job done…viva viagra (he sings it in a deep voice).
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
3:44 pm
Ared – Ok in The A its NuNu.. Its not New New.. For real… Nobody from the ATL would ever walk around with New New on anything..
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
3:44 pm
Ared – Nowatimtalmbout shawty..
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
3:46 pm
“…recent pictures shows she picked up weezie’s body art habit…..”
Okay, I am clearly not hip enough. For a good 5 mins I was sitting here thinking, “Mrs. Jefferson had a tattoo habit????”
Cougar
April 28th, 2010
3:47 pm
Will somebody please tell USHER I got Next..lol
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
3:49 pm
Nobody from the ATL would ever walk around with New New on anything..
Cuz you write the rules right?
Professor
April 28th, 2010
3:50 pm
@DK you are right here in the dirty south we have our own language and New New would really mess that up…it was NuNu. We have to remember old girl was also trying to play the hood role so walking in there with “new new” would have messed her up for real.
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
3:50 pm
Is the peace treaty over? LOL
Professor
April 28th, 2010
3:52 pm
Cougar, I love me some Usher Raymond and his music
Melo
April 28th, 2010
3:53 pm
Leggs: (giggle) Yes that was you!
@Prof??
smething about good wood that tickles women and makes them giggle while lying in bed.Most times!
cant put a finger to it!
In my ignorance, i assume its the excitement they get when the throb is good and the nutting jutes out like some spitfire!
Cougar
April 28th, 2010
3:55 pm
@Prof – He going around knocking up Cougars and setting retirement plans – I taint mad at him, like I said “Get at Me”!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
3:57 pm
Cray Aiken. LOL
It's me....lurker
April 28th, 2010
3:57 pm
Cougar – Usher? Why? You’re like the hundreth “next” no way
Elijah ( Today is a good day!)
April 28th, 2010
3:58 pm
Trevor you may want to avoid e-mailing Infamous DK…he may have you hanging out in Mid-Town where he has extensive expertise!
Lady lurker stay classy now!
Hola Professor!
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:00 pm
@Melo ~ ok, it’s that time to sweat? You funny!
@ARed ~ no doubt. What I’m saying is I don’t understand why someone would stay in any marriage if they’re so miserable. That’s not what a marriage is! Not just me, anybody!
Professor
April 28th, 2010
4:00 pm
@Cougar yep I would love to use that Child support alimony money from Usher, better yet 50 cent he said “have a baby by me and be a millionare.”
Cougar
April 28th, 2010
4:00 pm
@Lurker – naw naw – at the rate that dude is going I’m in there like PREGO!
Cougar
April 28th, 2010
4:02 pm
@Prof – I tried to tell that trick cousin of mine the same thing – she had a baby by POOKIE is is broke!
It's me....lurker
April 28th, 2010
4:03 pm
Elijah – always…did you expect me to sign tomorrow as “nu nu.” You should virtually know me better. LOL
Cougar – Too much to go behind.
Professor
April 28th, 2010
4:03 pm
Hey Eli
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
4:05 pm
@ARed ~ no doubt. What I’m saying is I don’t understand why someone would stay in any marriage if they’re so miserable. That’s not what a marriage is! Not just me, anybody!
Leggs – Folks can be miserable in life. Doesn’t mean they kill themselves. They find a way to push thru until they find happiness again.
The same can happen for marriage. Not saying it always can or will.
Chose wisely.
Professor
April 28th, 2010
4:07 pm
Cougar I feel you on pookie being broke…lol I bet pookie wasn’t a virgin he knocked down the whole hood probably.
Elijah ( Today is a good day!)
April 28th, 2010
4:08 pm
Ladies and Gents ( That does not include the infamous knucklehead) have a good day!
I am out!
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:09 pm
@Melo ~ are you calling me a “begger?”
Cute skit!
@Prof ~ Yes, we are friends! His dysfunction goes a lot deeper. The more we talked about it, the more I realized it’s too much for me to take on! He has a lot of medical problems to be so young! We like each other because we’ve been honest and upfront with each other.
Professor
April 28th, 2010
4:12 pm
@Leggs well at least you know. It would have been a mess if you got involved with him and BAM he laid the medical problems on you. Melo I said problems and not wood.
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:15 pm
“Folks can be miserable in life. Doesn’t mean they kill themselves”
But, some do!
Melo
April 28th, 2010
4:17 pm
are you calling me a “begger?”
@Leggs?
well,not a begger per see really but if it were cable, u still getting the “hooked up” deal!
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:18 pm
I got your point, ARed!
Random thought: Should I eat this donut or should I take it home so the eating machine can have at it?
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:19 pm
@Melo ~ must have missed something in the translation…I don’t beg for anything!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
4:19 pm
Leggs it is to late in the day to eat it.
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
4:21 pm
@DK you are right here in the dirty south we have our own language and New New would really mess that up…it was NuNu. We have to remember old girl was also trying to play the hood role so walking in there with “new new” would have messed her up for real.
Professor – Looks like “New New” to me. I guess I need to put my “hood blinders” on.
http://images.allmoviephoto.com/2006_ATL/2006_atl_022.jpg
Melo
April 28th, 2010
4:23 pm
don’t beg for anything!
@Leggs??
nobody that i know of begs for wood and tells!
not even Angie! 
not saying u do..wasnt implying it either!
Lord Velonese
April 28th, 2010
4:25 pm
“He seemed to think that a lot of women (read: me) sabotage our own chances with potential matches because we don’t like being happy.”
That’s pretty true; I’m not up for mind games. Even when I think I might actually date someone they always shoot themselves in the foot, then I’m like forget it. I believe in being hard on women just as they are hard on men, it’ only fair and they hate it
. If a woman wanted me to jump through five hoops for her then I will make her jump through 5 of the exact same caliber, It’s only fair.
“They do not sugarcoat no matter how much you threaten them using blackmail”
Another reason I do not date anymore, total BS.
“One disclaimer about having boy “space” friends: Do not. I repeat. Do NOT ask them about sex.”
You could have fooled me; that’s what three of my lady friends use me for. They even do this when they are seeing someone, pretty low if you ask me but I don’t really care.
I always thought folks desiring “Just friend status” with the opposite sex are always hoping that SOMETHING will happen, even if it’s in the far back of their mind.
As far as me having guy friends, yeah I do, those friends including myself are very independent and when we hang out it’s usually to raise hell somewhere.
(throws the high sign)
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
4:28 pm
New New
It's me....lurker
April 28th, 2010
4:33 pm
Glad I don’t know or have a “Pookie” in my family/history. Just knowing/having one…..scary thought
Professor
April 28th, 2010
4:36 pm
Thanks Ared now we know two things for sure (1) Ared, got a lot of free time to research earrings and stuff, and (2) New New was a fake ATLien!
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
4:36 pm
Pros beg for wood!!
@Carlito ~ I’ve already put the donut in a baggie to take home. Thanks.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
4:42 pm
Pros beg for wood!!
@Legss..naw u miss again!
Pros beg for money! and exchange/give head and dry nana in exchange.
If they really begged for wood,u cld catch them wet smetimes.
But then, i know u dont know that!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
4:43 pm
End of the day quotes. Andy Rooney style. Leggs what do you think?
I’ve learned … That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned ….. That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned …. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I’ve learned …. That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned … That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned … That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned … That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve learned … That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.