Dating interrupted: Why women need male friends
I have a small group of male friends that I consider like brothers. I’ve known them long enough to trust their judgment and definitely listen to their advice on dating! I don’t always like what they say, and I definitely don’t always love the way they say it. These guys mean well but they aren’t real big on tact. It’s pretty straight, no chaser kind of feedback I get from them.
When I asked one of them to go to the Nightline Face-Off debate earlier this month, I somehow got a dating lecture. Vince didn’t understand why I needed to go to any debate/forum about relationships. He seemed to think that a lot of women (read: me) sabotage our own chances with potential matches because we don’t like being happy.
I, of course don’t agree and prepared an impressive rebuttal with evidence of my concerted efforts to get coupled up. He counter argues (he’s finishing law school, a clear advantage over me) with my line up past of seedy characters and bad selections.
In my defense, I truly believe that I haven’t had major dating misadventures in the last three years. At the same time, Vince made me wonder about the little things I subconsciously do that probably are counterproductive. Such as having a crazy busy schedule and not making time for the time-worthy men I meet.
This is why it is good to have boy “space” friends. Ladies, they call you on your stuff when you need it. They do not sugarcoat no matter how much you threaten them using blackmail. Do you have people in your life who you trust to give you sage advice? I don’t just mean dating advice, but self-improvement in general? How did you come to trust this person so much?
Who do you seek out when you aren’t able to recognize the bad dating habits that are interrupting your dating life? I recall dating a man that literally had no close friends. At the time, I found it really odd but I think men are totally different in that they don’t require the same friendship connections that women do. What do you think?
Guys, do you have little to no male friends you consider your to be in your “inner circle”? Is it pretty common for a man to have no close friends? How healthy can that be emotionally? Or do you guys even think of that kind of thing?
One disclaimer about having boy “space” friends: Do not. I repeat. Do NOT ask them about sex. Men bring a totally new meaning to the phrase TMI (too much information) on that topic.
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467 comments Add your comment
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:03 pm
Swiss, I understand
AmazonRed, I am surprised also. LOL
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
2:03 pm
“…Hold your purse, buy your tampons…”
Um, now Carlito — not to rain on your parade, but you did just get married. Get ready to start holding purses & making those emergency CVS tampon-runs for the Mrs…
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
2:04 pm
If Mrs. Swiss knew some of the stuff I’ve let out of bag in here… it would be my azz…
That’s our clue to not bring up anything he’s said unless he brings it up first.
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
2:04 pm
And again, here’s another coming forth saying after a while he realized he wasn’t happy and no longer compatible. I see growth here since no one jumped down his throat.
No one jumped down his throat cuz it’s not the topic of discussion. It was his answer to a question. Folks views still haven’t changed. And I see folks still like to harp of old ish.
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:05 pm
Swiss, but I would doing it in a manly way
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:07 pm
lol
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:10 pm
At the very least, you get some good…..
@Julian!!??
i was thinking after “good”, u were gong to say or throw in some nice sexxual verb or sexxaul adjective even noun….comeon Julian!!??
try good head,good lubbing or good psh….u were flowing as in a good ryhme and then u mess it up just like that,..for smebody who is enjoying dating……????
cmeon Maaan!
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:10 pm
#Random wonder why i won’t embrace speed dating yet…..hmmmmm…what goes on on wed……Wednesday Wind Down maybe then to Kat’s Cafe or Harriston’s (haven’t been in over 2 years) or home in my bed…..hmmmm….
Dan
April 28th, 2010
2:10 pm
@Carlito
Most men feel that way…until you get to the aisle and see all.those.varities. <– the reason they invented cell phones.
That and the "price check", gets you everytime
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:12 pm
remember many of you saying leaving a marriage because you’re not happy shouldn’t be grounds for divorcing
@Leggs??
i will give it a pass if its the first divorce. 2nd one makes a pattern and i will comment harshly.
u think Larry King aint crazy??
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
2:14 pm
i will give it a pass if its the first divorce.
melo – Do you give it a pass since you are divorced yourself?
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:15 pm
Leggs, notice I am not being perverse today
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:15 pm
Dan, it would have to be a midnight run.
julian
April 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
@Melo ha! wish i had it like that.
an aside. A female friend of mine who is late 40’s keeps getting hounded by a dude who is maybe 32. He’s employed; she doesn’t bring much other than “personality”, so wtf? Why’s he tryin to hit that?? Challenge? Boredom? Uhh…??
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
hmmmmmmmm ok……
Trevor0529
April 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
@Leggs,
If someone has an opinion in why I am divorcing, let them say it. It’s cool.
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
DON’T QUIT!!!!!!!
Work as if it was your first day. Forgive as soon as possible. Love without boundaries. Laugh without control and never stop smiling.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
Do you give it a pass since you are divorced yourself?
@Ared??
yeah i dont regret it coz both parties deserved to be happy!
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
“Now, did she say WITH wings or WITHOUT wings? Regular or Super? Aw, d@mmit!”
SexyCool
April 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
But, Trevor didn’t say that he was leaving because he was *just* unhappy. He also stated that he was lonely at times, that there was no communication and that counseling didn’t work, as well as admitting to wrongs that he committed.
Sounds like more than just unhappy to me.
Dan
April 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
@Swiss
I’ve never felt that helpless and uninformed in my life
JtJ
April 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
@ Leggs–Maybe because he said they tried counseling. For me, counseling was a big step and if you can do that and it still doesn’t work, I guess it is okay to call it quits after that.
If he had just said, he or she was not happy, then I would think that they as a couple would need to sit down and figure out what is causing the happiness. I am a believer that no one should ever just give up without a fight if it is something they truly want.
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
2:25 pm
Along those lines, before we were married Swiss Miss used to have me go to the Sally in Tucker to pick up her hair care products, since at the time she was living in Forsythe county & couldn’t find the stuff up there… All I can say is I got all kinds of personal attention whenever I went in the store…
The girls that worked there thought I was lost the first time I came in…. 
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:26 pm
I wish i had it like that
@Julian..u need some spice ha!
Why’s he tryin to hit that?? Challenge? Boredom? Uhh…??
does she like him? if she does,let him hit it.
It may be challenge, definately not boredom….Men luv to climb big mountains and humble it and tell it after the fact.
At 32,hes likely to give her a good run on her money esp if hes that persistent!
Tell her,Melo said give it a shot!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
2:27 pm
Trevor – And please dont listen to Elijah.. He’s a Professors friend she’s talking about…
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
2:29 pm
Or maybe cuz it’s Trevor’s first darn day, and we don’t have most of the freakin story (like what he did to contribute to the demise). Excuse some of us for having home training!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:30 pm
Infamous, you are funny. LOL
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:31 pm
lol ared
Trevor0529
April 28th, 2010
2:31 pm
It seems that I may have caused a bit of a ruckus in Blogsville.
:-O
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:32 pm
Trevor’s first darn day
@Ared/females!
Trevor explictly told u where his wife was wrong(not communicating) then glossed over the “wrongs” he did.
That tells u,”HE CHEATED”
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:33 pm
member that song!???
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
2:34 pm
Trevor – Sorry for the late response.. Divorce isnt the end of the world… As crazy as it sounds the wounds will heal and you’ll be alright.. You cant see it right now because its so fresh but one day at a time and you can walk in a different direction.. Stand up for your child if you have one.. And stay away from the alcohol and partying to much. Dont run out here and ante up with some babe right away.. Take some time to find you again.. Relax. Kick it.. When and if you decide to get back out here and smash, just be honest, you’ll be surprised at how many women can understand what youre going thru.. Reconnect with old friends you lost during the marriage and lean on your closest friends because its gonna get worst before it gets better.. Prepare for you divorce and if you have any divorce related questions holla at ya boy.. ATLALIEN@YAHOO.COM
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:34 pm
trevor everyone has their day on here…get it in early and laugh it off and keep coming back! LOL
i'm swiss
April 28th, 2010
2:35 pm
“It seems that I may have caused a bit of a ruckus in Blogsville”
Nah, man. This is nothing. Stick around a while, you’ll see…
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
2:35 pm
Trevor explictly told u where his wife was wrong(not communicating) then glossed over the “wrongs” he did.
That tells u,”HE CHEATED
Trevor – You are fine don’t mind us.
I blame lil instigating LEGGS!!!!
julian
April 28th, 2010
2:35 pm
@Melo 32 shud have skilz and stamina, so she’ll enjoy the ride, why not.
Why some of you talking about somebody else’s reasons to divorce? How can you know what goes on behind somebody else’s closed doors?!! jeez
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:36 pm
and the beat goes on……
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
2:37 pm
@ARed ~ whether it’s the blog topic or not is irrelevant. Many answers have gotten one jumped on whether on topic or off topic!!!
@JtJ ~ yes, I noticed he metioned counseling and probably why crickets were heard.
SexyCool
April 28th, 2010
2:37 pm
julian – it’s what we do. By the same token, I could ask you “Why are you worried about what two grown folks, late 40’s and 32 respectively, and what they do?”
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:38 pm
Trevor and Leggs should go out on a date
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:39 pm
lolololol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:40 pm
Lady J, you know Ihave to try and bring the smiles out lol
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
2:40 pm
yes, I noticed he metioned counseling and probably why crickets were heard.
Nope.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
2:40 pm
32 shud have skilz and stamina
@Julian!
good,now dont cut block on the young 32,get ur own man!
we aint talking about his reasons for divorce but the missing pieces in his story!
Its no big deal coz we got uall on here to fill him up in case he need a wet spot!
Are u game on MIA??
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
2:41 pm
I blame lil instigating LEGGS!!!!
OMG, that made my jaw hurt! TOO FUNNY!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
2:41 pm
Can someone point me towards a good tattoo artist that they have used personally? No I am not getting her name on me.
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
2:42 pm
I am dying laughing! the laughs got in today!!!!! LOL!!!! thanks carlito!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
2:42 pm
Trevor – Ruckus.. Mayne please..
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING
April 28th, 2010
2:43 pm
Carlito – 13 Roses..
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
2:43 pm
@ARed ~ you can’t comment for others. You have no idea why they threw crickets. You only know why YOU threw crickets.