Dating interrupted: Why women need male friends
I have a small group of male friends that I consider like brothers. I’ve known them long enough to trust their judgment and definitely listen to their advice on dating! I don’t always like what they say, and I definitely don’t always love the way they say it. These guys mean well but they aren’t real big on tact. It’s pretty straight, no chaser kind of feedback I get from them.
When I asked one of them to go to the Nightline Face-Off debate earlier this month, I somehow got a dating lecture. Vince didn’t understand why I needed to go to any debate/forum about relationships. He seemed to think that a lot of women (read: me) sabotage our own chances with potential matches because we don’t like being happy.
I, of course don’t agree and prepared an impressive rebuttal with evidence of my concerted efforts to get coupled up. He counter argues (he’s finishing law school, a clear advantage over me) with my line up past of seedy characters and bad selections.
In my defense, I truly believe that I haven’t had major dating misadventures in the last three years. At the same time, Vince made me wonder about the little things I subconsciously do that probably are counterproductive. Such as having a crazy busy schedule and not making time for the time-worthy men I meet.
This is why it is good to have boy “space” friends. Ladies, they call you on your stuff when you need it. They do not sugarcoat no matter how much you threaten them using blackmail. Do you have people in your life who you trust to give you sage advice? I don’t just mean dating advice, but self-improvement in general? How did you come to trust this person so much?
Who do you seek out when you aren’t able to recognize the bad dating habits that are interrupting your dating life? I recall dating a man that literally had no close friends. At the time, I found it really odd but I think men are totally different in that they don’t require the same friendship connections that women do. What do you think?
Guys, do you have little to no male friends you consider your to be in your “inner circle”? Is it pretty common for a man to have no close friends? How healthy can that be emotionally? Or do you guys even think of that kind of thing?
One disclaimer about having boy “space” friends: Do not. I repeat. Do NOT ask them about sex. Men bring a totally new meaning to the phrase TMI (too much information) on that topic.
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467 comments Add your comment
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:19 pm
luvbug be nice! LMAO!!!!! you sound like my mama! LOL yall I can’t stop LMBAO @ yall!!!! too damn funny you called it!!!!
Professor (sort of sleepy)
April 28th, 2010
12:19 pm
@Kimmie, luvbug and lady j he is good people and very successful…raised well with strong values. So, I could not ask for more out of a friend.
kimmie
April 28th, 2010
12:20 pm
Professor, one Miss Man I had, I let my BF at the time answer my phone when I knew he was calling! Absolutely NO insecurity there!LOL!!!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:20 pm
Lady J, I was more saying a guy who has no guy friends only female friends or a woman who has only male friends and no female friends.
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:20 pm
William on Girlfriends wasn’t gay he just wasn’t super hard……..he mixed well with the ladies….lol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:22 pm
Luvbug, what is the opposite of masculine? Feminine? LOL
kimmie
April 28th, 2010
12:22 pm
William on Girlfriends wasn’t gay he just wasn’t super hard
If you say so, Lady J! LOL!!! I get what you saying!lol!!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:23 pm
I am sure they are good friends, they can shop with you, talk about men and not try and jump your bones. Hold your purse, buy your tampons. LOL
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:23 pm
coool carlito…..
professor same here…..these dude work @ a major company and high up on the ladder….I am glad I am their friends!
And I also told a lie…lol…..I have gone to concerts with dudes…lol they are my frankie B & maze crew!!!!1 we went last year and had a ball…..lol
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:24 pm
lmbao Monica got her man Kimmie!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!! yall my co workers think I am crazy laughing @ this screen and the kids pay me no mind I can’t stop lauging!!!!! LOL
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:26 pm
Doesn’t like sports or can’t bale hay. There is a difference between can’t and won’t. LOL
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:27 pm
Where is Mo @ she has met my crew…..I want her assessment! LOL
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:27 pm
Looking and acting like “2 Men on Film” skit from in Living Color. 2 snaps in a Z formation. LOL
Leggs
April 28th, 2010
12:29 pm
@luvbug ~ those guys are “effeminate.”
Luvbug
April 28th, 2010
12:29 pm
Lady J – I’m not trying to be mean, but I really wanna know if there is some acceptable term to use b/c I find myself describing a few friends and family as soft…I never know how to translate it. I’ve had gay guy friends…I have no problem with that.
I used to use metrosexual for the “soft” guys until I realized that many don’t care about pampering…they aren’t girly in that way…they just aren’t tough/leader types. If a fire broke out…I’m almost positive some would run be over to get out of here.
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:29 pm
I will tell you this though, in prison they get the good office jobs and pretty much control the flow of darn near everything.
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:29 pm
and being neat and well groomed and wearing the finer things doesn’t make one gay a metrosexual maybe but not gay lol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:30 pm
Luvbug, the correct word is “punk”. LOL
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:31 pm
yep metrosexual it is we used the same term to describe their behaviors…the just extra with it….lol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:31 pm
Lady J, being neat and well groomed is not gay I agree.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
April 28th, 2010
12:31 pm
@Kimmie, so true you don’t have to worry about your man being insecure when you roll with Miss Man, in fact my ex didn’t want to hear Miss Man in the background most of the time. He would say you can call me back when y’all are done…lol
@lady J, why is it they make the best concert crew? Shoot they will get the party jumping.
@Carlito you are wrong, they don’t just hold our purse they tell us if our purse doesn’t match our shoes and how to make it work…lol
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:33 pm
hmmmmmmm carlito punk hmmmmm no the str8 from the A and roll with the toughest and roughest crowd they just beat the system but they were in that car as those deals took place get my drift….they are diversed and to me will never forget where they came from…..they are still close with the ones out of prision and took care of them while in prison…..lol one is called an educated thug…..lol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:33 pm
Professor, LOL.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
12:34 pm
Dont u hate it when the Dwight Eubanks can hang and smile and do high fives with the fabulousness of women..tall,leggy and sporting short summer dresses amnd cleavage is the muther..BUT…
U try to holla at them same phine sisters or impress them with ur dress and smile and they mean mugg u!
The flaming ones can be Big Tyme spoilers for the heterosexuals I tell ya! And the ybad part is they be the first ones to put in a bad word to the ladies..”look at him, that one looking at yu over there
trying to holla at u with that cheap marshalls suit” 
Dang it..homo! and u cant even phluck them!!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:34 pm
Lady J, Just riding around in packs taking booty from unsuspecting men, the streets in midtown are safe for women.
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:34 pm
damn right professor that is why I call them 1st to see what’s up!!!! I’ve had my best times with them! my real brothers from other mother’s!!! yall know I didn’t leave my home this past weekend and my brother texted my sun inviting me over for a small cookout….he did that the sunday before too….I will always be around bc they love me too!
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
12:35 pm
To what me & Amred were talking about earlier, about play-by-play talk with friends:
I made this mistake early in my college career.
kimmie – I guess I’ve just been lucky then! Or maybe I’ve been good at weeding out the ones that are shady and wouldn’t keep our confidences. Not to say I don’t have messy friends, but when it comes to our sharing experiences with one another, we’ve respected each other. But I did state that as we got older and the guys were of more quality, the details aren’t so specific. But the men generally have less “problems” to report on which is why they get to stick around!
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:36 pm
carlito stop lololololol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:36 pm
Melo, it must be a trick. How can a guy hang with some women and not be in the least attracted to them.
Professor (sort of sleepy)
April 28th, 2010
12:39 pm
@Lady J, my friend is like that too, he has street credits and the MBA he can slice you with words or with his razor…he is the truth and if I was going to war whether on the streets or in the courtroom I would call him!
@Melo..”look at him, that one looking at yu over there trying to holla at u with that cheap marshalls suit”
They will say that…too funny
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:40 pm
Lady J, it should be a promiscuous woman’s duty, to try and bring back 3 gay men to liking women only. Just throw 3 in her body of work. Do it for the future of civilization. LOL
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
12:40 pm
Trevor0529 – Thanks for the response. Sorry your marriage didn’t workout. Hopefully your dip back into the dating ocean won’t make you want to swim back to shore!
(yes, I crack myself up lol) A lot of stuff is different from when you were single, I’m sure.
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:41 pm
Then they want to get married and adopt a child? LOL
Melo
April 28th, 2010
12:42 pm
@Carlito??
when u went to college,did the other dudes come at u??
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:42 pm
Trevor0529, these women here will have you marrying someone in 2 months to months or less.
Lady J-"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Happy Hump Day!!!!
April 28th, 2010
12:42 pm
CARLITO!!!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:43 pm
Melo, nope.
kimmie
April 28th, 2010
12:43 pm
But the men generally have less “problems” to report on which is why they get to stick around!
Amred – So true!!LOL!!
Even though we don’t get very personal, I would complain a little to my friends when dudes would come up short. One made the comment recently that I haven’t complained once about current SO!lol Not to say everything is perfect, but she’s right.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
12:44 pm
How can a guy hang with some women and not be in the least attracted to them.
@Carlito??
I used to work around the sheraton(now W hotel) on colony square in mid town some yrs back.
Boooooooy!
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
12:45 pm
yall stop we aren’t going to bash gay folk…..lol
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:46 pm
What would you ladies do if Miss Man made a move on you? LOL, or if Miss Man tried to take your Mr Man. LOL
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:46 pm
Lady J or smash them either.
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
12:50 pm
Miss Man (LMBAO SILLY) geesh……I wouldn’t entertain it and it would change the dynamics of the vibe….I will now be looking sideways like why did you go there I want your friendship not a relationship or a smash!!!! LOL I have my HARD CORE dudes for that!!!!! LMBAO @ you Carlito!!!!!!
Melo
April 28th, 2010
12:51 pm
One of my buddies went to jail for about 2 months due to immi issues some time back.It seemed like eternity.
He is the one guy i have often talked about here who’s got lots of drinking issues etc..Hes a loud mouth too.
Now that i think back about it,he may have been phlucked in jail. When he came out,he told us of how some dude tried to come at him and they fought and he fend the guy off.
There cld be a twist to that story no wonder hes such a drinker/alcaholic.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
AmazonRed™
April 28th, 2010
12:52 pm
Trevor0529, these women here will have you marrying someone in 2 months to months or less.
kimmy
April 28th, 2010
12:53 pm
Hi,
I have a few. Some are singles and some are married to my close friends and chime in as needed. I appreciate what they have to say. My friends husband called me one day out the blue and told me if he doesn’t do anything for you then leave him. It was a jolt but it was needed. I didn’t listen then but wish I had. Real men can spot real boys a mile away and if they think you deserve better they are usually right.
Melo
April 28th, 2010
12:54 pm
these women here will have you marrying someone in 2 months to months
@Ared?
that means For Real is now Over due!
Professor (sort of sleepy)
April 28th, 2010
12:54 pm
No I don’t see them trying to hit on me because they are cool and value the friendship. As for liking my man they would probably say the gayar is going off, but again I don’t see them trying to snatch my boo they are very loyal.
Lady J-I love music, any kind of music......
April 28th, 2010
12:54 pm
carlito i am the baby in the group they are 12 to 13 yrs older than me….lol makes no difference i know but I am their youth per se….lol the youth of the group with grounded wisdom that keeps me near…..I’ve been complimented on my maturity level among them…….
Carlito
April 28th, 2010
12:54 pm
Melo, if he went to county jail for two months I highly doubt it happened there. If he went down the road and got involved with the wrong thing, maybe. If you get locked up and you come back to your bunk and there is a Honey Bun on it. DO NOT EAT IT LOL