Will chivalrous expectations last?
I was very happy to make it out to the wonderful Atlanta Film Festival. If you’ve never been, I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not a huge fan of films. There was literally something for everyone, including films/shorts on music, art, comedy, history and many other genres of film were represented. The attendees were as diverse as the films that were featured.
One of the featured shorts that stood out to me in the African American Shorts showcase was Train.
Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer
It was a short, yet powerful film about what men go through when they have to decide how to handle difficult situations in regards to chivalry. I am being intentionally vague as not to give away the entire premise, but it made me think hard about what single women expect from men.
If a man is not interested in a woman romantically, we still would expect some sort of chivalry from them. With all the confusing gender roles that can create dating and relationship issues, how will things shift? Will women continue to expect chivalry? If there is a need to step in and take on a protector role, what would you think of a man who does not consider it his duty to act?
When we are all learning the “new gender roles” how do you think we will progress in what we expect from one another? I know none of us have crystal balls, but what is your educated guess considering what you have seen and heard?
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537 comments Add your comment
BlackMagicWoman
April 27th, 2010
1:12 pm
BRAT…growing up in NY yes I was was taught to always watch my back. But at the same time I was taught to care about others. Now of course when I have stopped to help..I am watching my surroundings because it could be a set up to get your robbed, raped or killed. But I could not just walk around a person laying in the sidewalk. I could at least stop and pull out my phone to call 911 to get them help and stay near by to make sure that they get it. This poor man dies trying to stop a woman from getting killed and this trick left with the man who tried to kill her and did not call for help for this man. For her I have no sympathy. She deserves what she gets. I would not get in the middle of a brawl. But again…I will call the cops in a heartbeat! That is their job not mine. They have weapons….I don’t…well kind of! There is littel hope left for humanity!
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:13 pm
LMBAO @ YOU!!!!!!! LOL I feel ya!!!!!
SexyCool
April 27th, 2010
1:14 pm
Rock, I dated a dude that rebelled against a “societal expectation” just for the sake of rebelling against it. It was a deal breaker for me.
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:15 pm
HEY CARLITO!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))))) Congrats buddy!
Melo
April 27th, 2010
1:16 pm
I came back with a wife
On a horse!
@Carlito
Congrats
SlimOne - What's my motivation?
April 27th, 2010
1:16 pm
Carlito – I have a bone to pick with you….while you’re all out galivanting in Vegas, I’ve been stuck here scooping your horses sh!t. Now is that anyway to treat a lady? I hope you brought me back a male escort from Sin City…or at least a handy shot glass. Congrats my friend!
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:18 pm
SexyCool, thank you very much
If you all want to see some “hats” check out the Kentucky Derby!
Dan
April 27th, 2010
1:18 pm
@Carlito
Congrats!!
Kym
April 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
Congrats!! Carlito!!!..Okay I have to ask..Did Elvis marry you?
BlackMagicWoman
April 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
Carlito….CONGRATS man! Was it just you guys or did your families attend?
SLIM…you are such a nut!
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
Lady J, thank you and thanks for thinking of me
Melo, my man
Leggs, called you my internet invisible best man. LOL
SlimOne, thank you for handling my sh*t while I was gone. I had no plans to go to Vegas right away, it just kind of happened that way.
I did not get to take in Vegas to much this time 
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
The act of chivalry is not just a man thing. We ladies can offer it also to the gentleman.
If a guys is walking up to the door as you are if you open the door and go thru first reach back and hold it until he can grab the handle. That is if he is with close range.
One thing I do is after he opens the car door to let me in, I reach over and pull the handle for him while he is walking over to the drivers side.
My high school boyfriend taught me that one.
One guy had a REAL problem with me doing this tho. He says I was still opening the door for him and it seemed weird.
All other guys think it’s rather courteous tho.
mqew
April 27th, 2010
1:21 pm
Congratulations Carlito! I wish you many many many years of joy and happiness!!! What is your actual anniversary date?
Dan
April 27th, 2010
1:21 pm
@Raqi
I can’t speak for Dreams but for me, it’s not rebellion. I happen to see the world differently than most people I know. I for one, know that “the book can be wrong”. The day I found that out, I was done following arbitrary rules.
To the 18 yo, if he’s willing to deal with the consequences of his actions, let him lead the life he chooses.
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:24 pm
it was the laws sir!!!!! Thanks agian!!!!! lol
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:27 pm
Carlito!!! Congrats to you and the wife. You know you owe us the story! You went from “I’m not trying to marry” to “I’ll propose in a couple of weeks” to “let’s elope in Vegas!”
Spill it. Spill it!
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:27 pm
SexyCool, yeah that would be a deal breaker. I just cannot deal with people that have to be difficult just for the sake of being difficult. No rhyme or reason for it.
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:28 pm
Carlito, you got married?
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:29 pm
DreamsMat, I have noticed reading you that you seem to have somewhat of a rebellious nature. From different comments you make it seems like whatever rules or grounds has been set that is what you challenge or make sure to do differently.
Raqi – I agree with this assessment as well. Some offline comments made me think this too.
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:29 pm
So Dan do you go on red and stop on green?
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:30 pm
Dan, thanks bro
Kym, no Elvis did not marry us. LOL
BlackMagicWoman, I flew my brother out and two of her sisters came. Here is how my weekend came about: I flew home and her father picked me up. My plan was to sneak into town and do my covert ring mission. Well in small towns word traveled fast that I was there. She shows up and my nervous self just blurts out “will you marry me” she said “yes”. We got both families together for dinner and told them out plans and I joked with her about going to Vegas to do it, she was fine with it and so were our families. The beautiful part of it all was that even though I paid for my trip home and our trip to Vegas, yesterday her Dad called me and asked for my bank info and made a very nice deposit into my bank account as a gift…she did that because he said he did not have to pay for a wedding
, money is in no way an issue for she and I at all but that was nice on his part 
and it helped with the dent the ring she picked out put on my savings. She is moving down here mid to late may. She is happy, our families our happy and I am very happy.
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:32 pm
Do you not pay your taxes?
Do you wash your hands in the toilet and poop in the kitchen sink?
Do you spell with a different alphabet?
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:32 pm
lmbao raqi when you bring harm to self or others its an issue…..lol
also raqi how was your cruise???? my cruise got cancelled…..so I am doing the city “A” for my 31st……still doing the essence festival but I do want to escape one weekend during the hot months to destin, fla with a great date! LOL
DreamsMaterialize
April 27th, 2010
1:32 pm
Dan
In my 12:44 I did say ’submit’, not ‘adjust’. My 12:44 said…
I decide which rules I will follow (not arbitrarily), and I don’t submit to your moral code as a demonstration of politeness. I also don’t expect others to submit to mine out of “courtesy”.
DreamsMat, I have noticed reading you that you seem to have somewhat of a rebellious nature.
Raqi I’ve never been in trouble with the law. I’ve never so much as puffed a cigarette. Didn’t get into trouble at school. Never been fired from any job. I have a healthy respect for rules, even encourage them. I am, however, against blindly following anything in life. I’m a thinker, so things have to make sense to me. Where what I’ve thought through is in alignment with what’s already in place, I go with the flow, but if what’s in place seems shaky to me, then I question it. See people tend to have these hard and fast rules that they live by, often without having really questioned the reason or purpose behind them. I just believe that people and situations are different enough that no “rules” apply all the time. My parents raised me a certain way, and I generally use that as a foundation for raising my children, but there are some key things that I do differently because my children aren’t exactly like I was, nor are times. If being a thinker is rebellious (as history has shown it to be), then I’m guilty as charged. I’ll never go along to get along. Now, I don’t go out of my way to be different, I just do me.
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:33 pm
mqew, thank you. April 26 is the official day
Raqi, yes I did
AmazonRed, we only live one life:) I had to go for what I know. LOL
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:34 pm
LadyJ, it was very very enjoyable. Just what the doctor ordered.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:36 pm
AmazonRed, we only live one life:) I had to go for what I know. LOL
Carlito – So when is your wife due?
KIDDING!!!!
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:40 pm
that is great!!!!
mqew
April 27th, 2010
1:40 pm
Carlito – That was very nice of your Father in law. He didn’t have to do that, but considering how much weddings can cost nowadays, he’d probably easily would have tripled the amount
and was simply estatic not to go through the hassle (or what I call headache, turmoil, pandemonium, agitation, ruckus, strife, bedlam…. you get the point) of planning a wedding!!!!
Kym
April 27th, 2010
1:41 pm
@Carlito..aww that’s nice but why in the heck are you on this blog..you should be naked in a tub of jello playing hid the bannana with your new bride. Either that or sitting at a blackjack table…but I digress.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2010
1:41 pm
I once went out on a date with a guy that opened the car door only because I insisted. After opening the door twice, he asked “How long am I going to have to do this?”
My response, “You’ll never have to do it again. I promise.”
It was our first and last date.
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:41 pm
hmmmmm one in the same….
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:42 pm
Enter your comments here
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:42 pm
sexycool lmbao @ you!!!!! LOL
Kym
April 27th, 2010
1:43 pm
I like the idea of a Vegas wedding. Quick, fast, no fanfare, pick your package..pay..bada boom bada bing..you done!!!
mqew
April 27th, 2010
1:43 pm
Kym – Good point!
Carlito – Why in the heezy aren’t you sippin on something chillin with wifey, celebrating…?
DreamsMaterialize
April 27th, 2010
1:43 pm
Carlito Congrats man. That’s a wonderful thing.
Raqi – I agree with this assessment as well. Some offline comments made me think this too.
Offline comments by whom?
SexyCool
April 27th, 2010
1:44 pm
See – this blog changes lives.
Carlito went from “I ain’t never getting married ever in life.” to a Vegas wedding in less than two/three months.
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:46 pm
Kym any where away will keep most away and that is the cool part! LOL My next go round i want an ocean to seperate the masses! LOL
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:49 pm
Offline comments by whom?
Me. Duh.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2010
1:49 pm
I like the idea of a Vegas wedding. Quick, fast, no fanfare, pick your package..pay..bada boom bada bing..you done!!!
This is how my parents did it. Still married too.
Melo
April 27th, 2010
1:50 pm
In Zulu,when the females go to the river to bath,be4 they spalsh water on that nana,they bend down,nekked,clasp their hands/palms tgether and say,in vernacular,”excuse me Zulu(melo),Im disturbing the peace in ur stuff”" be4 going ahead to wash the nana.
Thats chivalry and courtesy on the female tip!
Luvbug
April 27th, 2010
1:52 pm
What the Waka Flaka? Melo, what is wrong with you?
Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......
April 27th, 2010
1:52 pm
oh my going for a coke! melo lmbao!
JtJ
April 27th, 2010
1:53 pm
Congrats Carlito!!!!
On topic: Chivalry and politeness go hand in hand. In relationships, I expect it, but I also know how to reciprocate it.
Somewhat on Topic: On Sunday while at QT, I noticed how many people actually ignore the clerks when they speak and say hello. I counted at least 5 people that just totally ignored the clerk speaking to them. I always speak, and at Moe’s too….lol
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:53 pm
AmazonRed, we will cross that road later
Kym, I flew back to Georgia this morning and she flew back to MN. We are going to keep her house there. All of this happened very quickly, the important part happened. So now we are just taking care of odd and in’s to get her here quickly. I will see my wife at the Derby very soon. LOL “my wife”
mqew, he gave us more than some people’s with a yearly salary
SexyCool, some of the serious conversation on here did have an impact. Thank you all for letting me express myself.
Dreams, Thanks Bro. Also, I understand your questioning the “standard” you are an engineer that is what we do. If it does not make sense to you then we are not going to do it, “just because”.
Carlito
April 27th, 2010
1:55 pm
JTJ, Thank you
Raqi
April 27th, 2010
1:55 pm
LMBO SexyCool, that is priceless.
SlimOne - What's my motivation?
April 27th, 2010
1:55 pm
So Carlito…are you going to continue to blog with us or are you now looking for a Misadventures in Marriage Blog??
Dan
April 27th, 2010
1:56 pm
@Raqi
Stopping on red – really? Have you driven in the city lately? I might be following the norm on that.
As for Dreams post, I can’t say I’m not familiar with the criminal justice system, but I’ve never hired a lawyer. By the time I get to court and explain my logic, I’m either right or wrong in the judges’ eyes. And thus far, I’m good.
That said, pooping in the sink? Really?
Taxes? What are those?
Thing about me being a thinker is I’ve physically hungered for knowledge on a given subject. And if I can find a way to avoid doing something I don’t wanna do – I try and find it.
It’s not for everybody. I’ve suffered my setbacks. But I wouldn’t trade a single mistake.
To the rest of Dreams post, I’ll agree. The questioning of conventions is what I do.