accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Will chivalrous expectations last?

I was very happy to make it out to the wonderful Atlanta Film Festival.  If you’ve never been, I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not a huge fan of films.  There was literally something for everyone, including films/shorts on music, art, comedy, history and many other genres of film were represented.  The attendees were as diverse as the films that were featured.

One of the featured shorts that stood out to me in the African American Shorts showcase was Train.

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

It was a short, yet powerful film about what men go through when they have to decide how to handle difficult situations in regards to chivalry.  I am being intentionally vague as not to give away the entire premise, but it made me think hard about what single women expect from men.

If a man is not interested in a woman romantically, we still would expect some sort of chivalry from them.  With all the confusing gender roles that can create dating and relationship issues, how will things shift? Will women continue to expect chivalry?  If there is a need to step in and take on a protector role, what would you think of a man who does not consider it his duty to act?

When we are all learning the “new gender roles”  how do you think we will progress in what we expect from one another?  I know none of us have crystal balls, but what is your educated guess considering what you have seen and heard?

537 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:05 am

dk you wrong while i love my BB I don’t do the ringtones or callbacks tones………it is my main source of communication so all kinds of people dial me and I am in different settings all the time so the basic ring suffice

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
11:06 am

And now some of uall grown folks with those juvenile,”bootey bootey bootey” Plies,lIL Wayne or Guchie ringtones??

@Melo – no thank you too kiddie for me…plus at&t default ringtone is my favorite jam lol

abc

April 27th, 2010
11:06 am

SexyCool, one difference is that the conversation in person, held in public at close quarters with other people, includes them, too. It doesn’t impose upon them to be polite so you can hear the person on the phone. They may, in fact, have something of value to contribute to your in-person conversation. You’re a part of their surroundings, and they’re a part of yours, rather than being something that imposes upon yours and their surroundings.

Guy, suggesting phone etiquette to people that are wrapped up in their cell phones is like trying to tell a Facebook addict that they’re wasting their time on a social ill, while giving up all semblance of privacy — as if there’s any personal privacy left, anyway. It’s a waste of your time in the telling, and serves only to annoy them.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:07 am

kimmie agree!

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
11:08 am

people tend to talk louder when on the cellphone. And they don’t pay attention to what they are doing

@Raqi – actually quite the opposite goes for me. i’m a whole lot quieter when i’m on the phone especially in public.

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
11:08 am

My ringtone used to be “One More Chance” by Biggie. My other ringtone was the “Sex and the City” theme song. Now I just have a regular ring.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:09 am

here we go around the merry go round….grown folk are accountable for their actions while some seem less tactful to others we all do what we want be it right, wrong, or accepted….I say always be respectful and cognitive of what you are doing and do you happily without harm to yourself or others….

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:09 am

ARed I am ready for Sex and the City 2!!!!!!! lol

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:10 am

I understand but some folk and seafood just don’t mix they feel it is going to swim away!!!! It is a hurry and rushed to crack a crab for some……lol

I see, and I had to learn the hard way. You would have thought that platter had legs the way he was acting. I think if I am dining with two or more people I am going to take Slim’s advice and dine at the bar. :grin:

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
11:10 am

Well, talking on a cell phone OR in person in a movie theatre, play, quiet concert, is rude. A ringing cell in such a place is rude too. And no, I don’t want to hear either your cell convo or your in-person convo either, if in close quarters. But if I’m just walking down the mall, go for it.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
11:11 am

I got a droid phone so before now I could never get ringtones but now I am ringtone man.. I got sandford and son, the good the bad the ugly, pink panther, 007 and my personal fav.. The Darth Vader music..

Melo

April 27th, 2010
11:11 am

What’s the procedure when you need to ajust your wang???

@Slim??

females who work in predominantly male environs end up being like dudes in some respects or not bothering when dudes do some male stuff.

U be aaaight soon?? :lol: how many months u been there??

a dude among other dudes will simply extend his knee frward,lift up the leg and turn the leg in an outward circular motion to adjust position of lil dude or he will put his hands in the pocket and do it from under there! while at the same time barking orders to johnny Ray to be quick wiuth his assignment.

Its Just like breathing! :lol:

Mr_NYC

April 27th, 2010
11:13 am

Its on life support. The fact that its so amazing, remarkable or SO APPRECIATED when an act of kindness is extended tells me that its a dying practice.
Restaurants, driving, shopping centers — folks are generally self-centered and mildly aggressive.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
11:13 am

and to impose means to put by or set by as if by authority and being it a public setting i have no authority over anyone so if you feel im “imposing” upon you to be quiet then the decision to be quiet is at your discretion, because I’m not telling you how to talk to your company at the restaurant so why you shoud you dictate my conversation whether it be mobile or not.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
11:14 am

Oh and the Knight Rider theme music.. Im telling you Mabilo ringtones set me up ya’ll. I find myself searching for different ringtones and I aint never did that. I addicted.. Who got something on my Dr. Drew bill?

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:14 am

As for the cellphones I get a little PO if the person is trying to order and is talking on the phone. I love those places that have the NO Cellphones while ordering food. Please don’t hold up the line calling to ask your cousin if she want swiss cheese or provolone on her Publix sam’mich :evil:

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
11:16 am

:lol: :lol: @ Melo….”Its Just like breathing!”<—–that right there, coudn't have described it any better. Let's me know it's not a second thought to placing the jewels in front of folks

Luvbug

April 27th, 2010
11:16 am

No time to catch up, but…

This is interesting b/c just the other day I was mentally smiling about a guy volunteering to help me carry a few heavy things to my car. He appeared to be homosexual. At least I thought he was b/c he had a very effeminate disposition. I felt very comforted by the situation and remember thinking how long it had been since that happened. It used to be the norm… I don’t punish guys who aren’t that way, but it sure is nice when you run across one who is.

Also, there’s always a chance that my disposition and LOOKS have changed (LOL)…I wonder if that qualifies/disqualifies me for assistance.

Extended explanation of wondering about qualifying for assistance: I remember my grandmother telling me, some years ago, that she enjoys the service she receives when we’re out together. She said that people (men) are a lot more courteous to her when she’s with me than when she’s by herself.

SMDH

Just makes me wonder what “deserve” is a code word for when men are choosing whether or not to be courteous.

Random thought: Why have they already removed Caprica from Comcast on Demand? Now I gotta look up the last episode.

Jeff

April 27th, 2010
11:17 am

Chivalry in public to a stranger is dead. Exceptions; in church, funeral, etc. In the workplace, forget it.

Melo

April 27th, 2010
11:17 am

Good Guy??

u said u getting better??

U aint there yet coz u firing blanks on this one issue big boy!

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
11:17 am

Professor: that tends to happen often…which is why i many sub shops, they’ll have a sign posted “NO CELL PHONES”

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
11:19 am

ARed I am ready for Sex and the City 2!!!!!!! lol

Lady J – I’m so ready! I’m going to make it a huge girls outting!

My only peeve…how come they keep making these movies…and then take them OUT of “the city?!” Can’t they stay their asses in NY? :lol:

Kym

April 27th, 2010
11:20 am

@mqew..you have mail again.

Kym

April 27th, 2010
11:23 am

I saw a guy answer his phone in church once..He was talking and walking out at the same time..like it was nothing.

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
11:23 am

The ones that I hate more than I hate the loud phone talkers are the blue tooth users that walk onto the elevator or beside you and just start talking. There is no phone in hand so you don’t even know that they are talking to someone else. They just start talking and have you scatching your head wondering “huh?”.

LOL It has gotten to the point now that I tend to initially ignore strangers that do walk up and say something or ask a question because I automatically think they are on the blue tooth.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:24 am

Ared those NY adventures were “IT”!!!!!! I got into S&C late but when I did girl I was whew what was I missing…..LOVE IT!!!!!!! No lie last aug in Vegas as I turned 30 I founded myself in the room @ the MGM watching re-runs of it!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!

My Mr. Biggs is out there!!!!! LOL

Kym

April 27th, 2010
11:25 am

Attention: Totally Off-Topic..@RandyT where are you? I have to talk to you about 24??? It’s important!!

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
11:28 am

It seems like it needs to be a entire new set of rules for the electronics age we live in now. But that does not rule out the need for common courtesy.

Still don’t know what ones style of dress has to do with anything. There have been some women & men dressed skanky since the beginning of time.

DreamsMaterialize

April 27th, 2010
11:29 am

Being awful to servicepeople is something I notice too.
That’s because most of them have absolutely no idea how it feels to smile at and provide service to rude, insulting, demeaning, disrespectful people all day.

DreamsM, do you mind giving us a few the rules you feel are garbage?
The requirement to hold your fork in your left hand and knife in right hand. Choice of hand ought not matter, it’s arbitrary. Besides, this varies depending on whether you subscribe to the American style of fork etiquette of the European Continental style.

The requirement that drinking glasses be placed to to the upper right of the plate. Right or left shouldn’t matter, as long as you maintain consistency for every place setting.

The requirement to use silverware from the inside out has some practical value, but it shouldn’t really matter.

Crossing your utensils over your plate to let the server know that you are done is somewhat helpful, but most (diners and servers) don’t know about this anyway. This also varies, and it is also acceptable to place all used utensils on the right side of your plate, pointed up. Again, arbitrary.

Placing your bill such that the corner hangs off the edge of the table to let the server know that you are ready for them to pick up the bill doesn’t have much use either because most don’t acknowledge it.

Elbows on the table has some practical value if you aren’t astute enough to avoid tipping saucers or cups with your elbows.

No hats indoors is an obsolete custom.

There are many.

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
11:31 am

melo: blog monster ate my post in response to wang adjustment etiquette :-(

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:32 am

@Lady J,

Have you heard from “nap date guy?”

@Kym this guy cellphone went off at my church and Pastor said, “That better be Jesus!!!” I leave my cellphone in the car when I go to church.

Melo

April 27th, 2010
11:34 am

@Kimmie??

u dont think skanky/scvandalous dressing is positively correletaed to ones regard for other pple’s views around them??

A skanky(not ugly but scandalous) dresser is more than likely not to care how highly pitched their cell phone convo is in public nor care if u open the door for them or not!

They care more about their own lil cell phone world! their whole leg and thigh,all nakked and in plain sight up to the panties not-withstanding! :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
11:35 am

It has gotten to the point now that I tend to initially ignore strangers that do walk up and say something or ask a question because I automatically think they are on the blue tooth.

Raqi – Me too. And I was already bad about that as is!

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:36 am

Professor I was honest and told him whle it was nice meeting him I wasn’t interesting in dating him…..he subs here often so I didn’t want to be to rude bc I will see him again….he called sat and sun I didn’t respond and when he texted yesterday I said what I had to say…..he told me it was nice meeting me too and I have a nice smile…..honesty was my theme yesterday…lol

Kym

April 27th, 2010
11:42 am

@Prof..this was during one of those early Sunday morning services..The guy looked like he just got off work. So it was not a large crowd..the phone seem to just echo in the chapel. He answered it and then got up and walked out of the service..I guess he thought that made it okay.

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:43 am

@DreamsM- thanks

@Lady J, I can understand that and in the end you did the right thing especially with him working there from time to time. Girl you are doing it! 2010 is really for you!

czBrat

April 27th, 2010
11:43 am

GM All!

no time for all the comments i’d like to make on past posts. to Raqi’s recent comment about the bluetooth. yeah, i embarassed myself by saying “hi” to someone who looked right at me and said “hello”. turns out he was answering his phone :mad:

good manners begin at home, but for those who are not fortunate to have had that training (like Profesor’s companions :shock: ), there comes a point when you just have to take the initiative to learn social graces on your own.

my cell is always on vibrate. i never allow it to ring for fear i’ll forget to turn it off at the right/wrong times. this is a constant point of contention with s/o because he seems to be the only person annoyed if i don’t answer or respond to a text in a timely manner; often because i simply didn’t know i missed a call.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:46 am

2010 has been a NEW year for me!!!!! I am loving it!!!!! Thanks Professor!!!! LOL I am trying to slow my role a lil bc I do want to jump back out there will full force but I won’t I am humbly learning how to be patient….it isn’t easy! But one day I will master it! lol

Dan

April 27th, 2010
11:46 am

@Dreams

I’d ask you a variance of what I asked abc earlier:

Isn’t paying homage to (what you may consider arcane) rules of etiquette for the sake of those around you, in and of itself, a display of manners?

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:52 am

professor why am i about to warm up some tilapia….somebody going cuss me…..lol

CoolShadow

April 27th, 2010
11:53 am

I’m pretty much in agreement that chivalry and manners needs to be classified as an endangered species. The ones who believe that men should maintain their class despite women who are indifferent or clueless to chivalrous acts are correct but at times it’s aggravating but I usually keep moving. Those women treat it like it’s an entitlement or birthright to hold the door for them but can’t conjure up the effort to spout two syllables of appreciation.

Technology can also be contributor to the degeneration of chivalry. Several women have taken note of me opening and holding the passenger door for them. They all stated that most men they know just “chirp-chirp” the remote and get in the car without opening the door for them. Most said they’ll stand at the door and wait until the guy gets a clue but some have given up hope and just get in the car.

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:58 am

@Lady J,

At least you know you are wrong…lol. Now is that fish fried, baked or what because I might need a piece of that fish.

Melo

April 27th, 2010
12:01 pm

Now i saw a hubby and wife this morning in the train,giving each other some luvischa smoochie as the hubby dropped off to go to work,sme place while the wife remained seated in her seat,procceding in her own direction.

I was reading my magzne,my head down and they were seated right in front of me…and then all of a sudden i hear..mmweeee,mweeeeeeee,mweeeeeeeee…mwe tap! :lol:

Now thats some luving! :lol:

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
12:06 pm

melo: what was your motivation for wnting to get married?

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
12:06 pm

fried, hush puppies, cole slaw homemade! LOL yummy!

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
12:06 pm

The act of chivalry is not just a man thing. We ladies can offer it also to the gentleman.

If a guys is walking up to the door as you are if you open the door and go thru first reach back and hold it until he can grab the handle. That is if he is with close range.

And even more if a guy has his hands full open the door and hold it open until he goes thru.

There are a lot things we women can do to also so that men will not feel they are in this thing alone.

If a guy drops some items stop and help him pick them up.

One thing that I notice with my husband is while things that need more strength to open automatically gets handed to him, it’s my duty to get those things that need a smaller hand to maneuver.

Melo

April 27th, 2010
12:10 pm

what was your motivation for wnting to get married?

@Slim??

to keep CT inhouse! and propagate zulu nation

cant marry and have no kids… :evil: :shock:

after 6 months or so of marriage,its customar for female folks to ask others who may have come across the wife: “what she got??” meaning..does her tummy got a bump?

If u firing blanks or the elders think u are..they wil organize,undercover, a younger cousin/bro to go to ur house,in ur absence and hit!

Melo

April 27th, 2010
12:11 pm

czBrat

April 27th, 2010
12:12 pm

Melo, it’s just hilarious that you bothered to correct spelling.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
12:13 pm

agree raqi…..it should be a conscious effort daily….