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Will chivalrous expectations last?

I was very happy to make it out to the wonderful Atlanta Film Festival.  If you’ve never been, I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not a huge fan of films.  There was literally something for everyone, including films/shorts on music, art, comedy, history and many other genres of film were represented.  The attendees were as diverse as the films that were featured.

One of the featured shorts that stood out to me in the African American Shorts showcase was Train.

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

It was a short, yet powerful film about what men go through when they have to decide how to handle difficult situations in regards to chivalry.  I am being intentionally vague as not to give away the entire premise, but it made me think hard about what single women expect from men.

If a man is not interested in a woman romantically, we still would expect some sort of chivalry from them.  With all the confusing gender roles that can create dating and relationship issues, how will things shift? Will women continue to expect chivalry?  If there is a need to step in and take on a protector role, what would you think of a man who does not consider it his duty to act?

When we are all learning the “new gender roles”  how do you think we will progress in what we expect from one another?  I know none of us have crystal balls, but what is your educated guess considering what you have seen and heard?

537 comments Add your comment

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:34 am

@mqew Sure I will be glad to give you the info..send me your email addy and I will shoot you a email right now.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:35 am

Prof – see thats where if I didnt know what was going on I wouldve waited and let everybody else go first and then followed suit.. But I use my head for something other than a hat rack..

Lurker – Dang you made it seem like that woman might like the ladies..

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:35 am

Lady J,

Dude had about 15 years on me, and I was really :shock: that he did not know. Sometimes I get the feeling that people are thrown into things. Like this conference I got the feeling that he was newly promoted or filling in for someone. As for people not knowing how to eat and such…I get the feeling the money can, but the learning did not. I know some folks that careers took off, however they were never taught the social aspects. I hope that makes sense.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:36 am

Lurker – and on a serious note if that man doesnt deserve a woman like that… Do all women deserve a man like that? Whatever that is..

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
10:36 am

to respectfully be silent

abc, my dad taught us at an early age to not hold conversations in languages that others in your company cannot understand. He said it is disrespectful. Now this does not apply to strangers but if he and I are in the company of my husband my dad and I will only speak English. If it is something that we cannot talk about in front of my husband or whomever then we just don’t talk about it at that time.

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:37 am

Prof – I can understand to some it’s not common knowledge, but at least make an effort to look it up if you KNOW you’re going somewhere where the table will be set.

DreamsM – Some aspects of etiquette I agree are garbage cause at Professor’s table, this greedy chic right here would have been sneaking some food to eat :lol: :lol:

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:37 am

@abc – yes, but if the conversation is not like i said loud, cussing, or im making unnecessary hand gestures hitting people all in the face then what is the problem? you can burst into song if you want, but im clearly not hurting you by my talking on the phone especially in an emergency, so you doing that will just come off as rude…i just don’t get the logic. you say it as if im torturing everyone in earshot with a simple soft conversation and no one HAS to be silent you are free to do what you please.

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:38 am

Kym – please use simplynd@gmail. Thank you!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:39 am

Raqi – and speaking another language is sexy.. I speak slanguanese with the best of them..

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
10:40 am

Raqi – They think that mess is cute. The only person that thinks your bratty kid is cute is you.

Being awful to servicepeople is something I notice too.

Dan, I so agree with you on this. Another sign of bad manners.

Dan

April 27th, 2010
10:40 am

@4G

In an elevator, or office, speaking loudly is relative.

And if it’s an emergency, you either a)shouldn’t get on the elevator for fear of losing service; or b) likely wouldn’t get service while on the elevator anyway.

It’s a matter of respecting other people’s space.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:40 am

abc

April 27th, 2010
10:40 am

You just don’t get it, Guy. That’s fine; nobody’s going to impose phone etiquette upon you. Tell you what though, next time you’re talking on your cell in an elevator, note how many people are staring at their shoes with a grim expression. You’ll be the reason why.

CMS

April 27th, 2010
10:40 am

I hear what your saying Professor but chivalry/respect and understanding the finer point in fine dining are two different things. They can’t be held to the same standard.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:41 am

lmbao @ DK!!!!!

Professor you right!!!!!

Those banquet setups are funny…..lol….

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
10:42 am

Frankly, whenever someone is talking on their cell in the elevator, I want to start singing loudly, and off key. It seems an appropriate response.

abc – There was this woman talking very loudly on the MARTA train when I was coming from the airport after a long exhausting trip. No one wanted to hear her conversation. So I literally just stared her down until she felt uncomfortable enough to hang up. I mean clearly with all that loud convo you want me in your business.

Next, I’m going to start adding my two cents to those cell convos… “really girl…he did what?!” :lol:

i'm swiss

April 27th, 2010
10:42 am

Morning, all…

DreamsM — I totally agree w/ your 10:27… Social norms are always in flux, so what’s considered well-mannered changes from generation to generation. Which is why old people will always think the youngsters are a bunch of ill-mannered hooligans, no matter the generation. Thirty years from now the old folks will probably be saying something like, “dag nabbit, back in my day when the ho’s would drop it to the floor, they would only smack that booty… now, they’re all spreading their cheeks open and all sorts of foolishness…. SMDH….” :lol:

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:43 am

raqi i have now starting carrying a switch from a tree……..lol…..she going get it one way or the other….she knows what going n the bathroom means…..lol

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:43 am

@Dan – that i agree with, but if im in the mall or a restaurant and my cell rings im going to answer it and ill be seriously confused as to why abc is intentionally in my ear singing to annoy me just because it’s a public setting…lol not saying abc would but thats what im getting. and if i do have to answer my phone is a closed public setting it will be brief and i will apologize. simple manners.

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:44 am

You got mail mqew.

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:45 am

DreamsM, do you mind giving us a few the rules you feel are garbage?

mqew- Now I have been known to sneak a few cookies out the resturant :grin:

Last story….

We were at a nice seafood spot on vacation. There were three couples. We all decided to share a seafood platter that included shrimp, oysters and crab legs as an appetizer. One of the guys in our party went wild talking about how he love some crab legs. When the platter came we all started eating and talking. However, dude stop talking and went crazy on those crab legs just str8 gone. He was eating like he did not want anyone else to get any. I tried ignoring him, but I was PUSHED to my limits when he reached over me and snatched the last few crab legs and bit into the crab leg with his teeth. :shock: He did not bother using the utensils he just bit into the crab leg. I looked at him and said, “Are you serious, is this for real?” He told me that is how I eat my crab legs. His GF looked like she wanted to get under the table.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:45 am

I dont talk on elevators cause it seems like everybody is listening to my convo.. Im a private person like that..

Millionaire1

April 27th, 2010
10:45 am

“While dating and during my daily activiy I have always acknowledged and praised the man with a smile and a “thank you” for opening my door, offering an arm, and helping with my jacket.” Being thankful to the man that is chilvary, this is a way to show your appreciation as a woman.

Men: Don’t get discouraged because one or two, woman you opened the door for didn’t respond in a polite manor, that just tell you she either don’t have any manors, ungrateful or don’t know when a man is being respectful towards her. Most women appreciate a man opening the door, pulling out the chair, waiting for the lady to be seated first, at the dinner table. I myself can respect a man who will do those things for me and still do have men to do them and not look for anything in return but a “thank you”. Not all men want anything from a lady because he opened the door for her. An if women think this…you really need to get out more.

DreamsMaterialize

April 27th, 2010
10:46 am

Professor I think you did the right thing by hipping him to some things. I usually don’t judge people when I see people doing those things at events. 9 times out of 10, no one has ever told them what was “appropriate”. Instead most people just say nothing and then turn around and talk about them behind their back. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if your journey begins at the first gala you’ve ever been to at 35 years old, then that’s what it is.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:46 am

closed public setting = elevator, office, etc….

brief (10 sec or less) and if necessary an apology follows.

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
10:47 am

The program called for invocation and two members in our party had a mix up with the food. The gentleman to my right looked at me and said I think we should start eating, what do you think. I told him unless it was health risk I didn’t feel it was proper to start eating with two people at the table waiting for food and the program called for invocation.

In that instance he should have waited until after the invocation, but then started eating if the food was hot (probably wasn’t since first course is usually a salad). No need for the hot food to get cold while the mix up is being straightened out.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2010
10:48 am

abc

April 27th, 2010
10:51 am

Guy, if your cell phone even rings in a restaurant, people around you are annoyed by it. Ringtones are noise pollution. It imposes on other people, and is rude. You don’t think so, or think it’s unwarranted, so you’ll do it anyway. The people you impose upon by so doing probably assume that’s true, so they stay quiet and leave you to it. It doesn’t detract from the rudeness, and few people would be so rude in return as to actually call you on it. But we can think about it.

Put your phone on silent. Let them leave a message and call them back when you’re in a private setting. Nothing is that pressing that you need to be constantly available, and if it is, then you’re in the wrong place, anyway — but at least put it on vibrate. It’s people’s notion that they and their communications are so important as to merit conducting them in public that leaves them open to mockery for having such clueless bad manners.

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
10:51 am

Good morning guys & gals….can one of you fine gentleman help me get this booger outta my nose? :-D

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:51 am

professor hmmmmmm no sharing seafood rule #1…..lol

SexyCool

April 27th, 2010
10:52 am

I have a question for the cell phone etiquette police – what is the difference between me holding a conversation on my mobile and me holding a conversation with someone that is standing next to me. Isn’t it all conversation?

I happen to not be big on holding conversations in elevators. I will hold a conversation while waiting in line at a stor, depending on the type of store. However, I always get off the phone to check out for two reasons – 1) I consider it rude to the cashier for me to be on the phone. 2) I like to give my full attention to the financial transaction.

Oh….and in general, chivalry is not dead, but it is on life support.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:54 am

speaking of which I have never been to spondivitis……..hmmmmm

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:54 am

Prof – Yeah I remeber when I used to burn one.. This dude I had just met was trying to hog my stickest of the icky.. You could tell he wasnt used to it cause he was coughing and choking but still trying to toke.. I say “Hey man do you mind una$$ing my dank” he looked at me like I was crazy.. I tell you some peoples etiquette aint ish! Puff puff pass fool!

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:56 am

@CMS I established that in my 9:26 and 9:42. Where you been???

@ARed It was a salad, but the ladies had some type of allergies to something on the salad.

@DreamsM- yep I guided him in a low key manner, although I was shocked I did not judge him. Plus on the bright side he did ask.

I will say this when you start moving up that corporate ladder and attending certain functions and meetings that are held in certain places you have to step up your game. Likewise if you are trying to date and run in certain circles you have to learn about certain things.

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:57 am

DK – You made me LOL for real on the Dank story! Cause only a true smoker knows, your ass will get cursed out if you don’t have proper etiquette when trees are involved :lol: :lol: :lol:

Disclaimer —-> That was in my college days, I do feel like I’m too old for that shyt now….

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:58 am

@abc – it must just be a difference of opinion because people’s phones ring in restaurants all the time and it doesn’t bother me because im too busy enjoying my food and my company to care. if a ringtone is noise pollution then so is the waiter asking for the order at the other table, the music in the restaurant, and the clang of utensils…i don’t impose on anyone to stay quiet while im answering a call, because it’s a PUBLIC establishment. I do try to put my phone on silent when in a restaurant, although sometimes i forget, but i think we may have two different definitions of ‘private setting’. either way, to each his own. i get what you are saying, but i just don’t agree with it thats all.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:58 am

I agree learning never stops…..and being open to new ways of doing things….

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:59 am

Lady J,

The seafood cold platter was listed as an appitizer. We ordered like four appetizers, but it was something about him biting into that crab leg that was crazy. We were at a nice place…table clothes…tea candles….reservations. This was not the place to stick a crab in your mouth and bite it.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:59 am

I have a question for the cell phone etiquette police – what is the difference between me holding a conversation on my mobile and me holding a conversation with someone that is standing next to me. Isn’t it all conversation?

@SexyCool – my point exactly

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
11:02 am

DK not the smoking story, now you got me singing “I got five on it…” do you remember that song?

Melo

April 27th, 2010
11:02 am

Having a mobile convo in a public space is just impolite..worse when its loud! If the space is so constrained that u cant move to the the left/right to have ur convo in pvt without folks eavesdropping effortlessly,then check that convo and say,”ima call u back when i get to a,b,c..”

Its just wrong!

And now some of uall grown folks with those juvenile,”bootey bootey bootey” Plies,lIL Wayne or Guchie ringtones??

Please check that!! U broke but u spend money on ringtones!???

As in Ryna Cameroon slogan: BLAAAAACk PEOPLE! :lol: :lol:

SlimOne - What's my motivation?

April 27th, 2010
11:02 am

Guys I have a question for you…I work in a male dominated industry so more often than not, I witness guys handling their “Mini-Me’s” in the presence of others like it’s not thang….is it that pressed of a thing to have to relocate & adjust your Junk at that moment or is it like having a wedgie, where you know it’s there, yes it’s bugging you, but you wait to get a location where not too many people can see you to pull it out??? I mean, just last week, a dude dayum near lifted his legs, then his ballz as at least 4 folks were all standing around talking. Then that same guy shakes some other dudes hand…Help me understand…
WHAT IS THE PROCEDURE WHEN YOU HAVE A GUN TO YOUR HEAD?….oops wrong question….What’s the procedure when you need to ajust your wang???

Anotha Brotha

April 27th, 2010
11:03 am

Expectations are dangerous. Also, the thing I’ve learned is that people will respond to you directly in step with how you present yourself. Now with women, the reality is that weave, heels and generally stank dress will deduct points from your lady value (despite what about 80% of you confused lasses think). Honestly, I go to the point where I will ignore and let a woman sit there looking crazy while I walk through the door if she presents herself poorly. I’m not going to enable and make her feel like a lady when she’s adding to the jump off population. Wish more guys would do this.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
11:03 am

My Sandford and Son Ringtone usually gets rave reviews.. But for the most part im on vibrate.. Some old player habits are hard to break.. I can hear my phone vibrating in the other room.. Yes I used to keep my phone on vibrate so a woman could never say well why all of a sudden your phone is one vibrate..

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
11:03 am

learning never stops…..and being open to new ways of doing things….

Lady J, very much agree.

I think it was Miss Manners that said something that stuck with me. She said rules of etiquette are not tools to exclude others, but yet are there to make everyone comfortable.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
11:03 am

I understand but some folk and seafood just don’t mix they feel it is going to swim away!!!! It is a hurry and rushed to crack a crab for some……lol

SexyCool

April 27th, 2010
11:03 am

Y’all cell phone police are funny.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
11:04 am

Prof – What the remix for I got five on it had all my Yay area favorites on it..

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
11:04 am

what is the difference between me holding a conversation on my mobile and me holding a conversation with someone that is standing next to me.

SexyCool, people tend to talk louder when on the cellphone. And they don’t pay attention to what they are doing. Notice when driving how folks will dangerously cross the lines more while talking on the phone as opposed to just talking to someone in the car?

SexyCool

April 27th, 2010
11:04 am

But…I do agree with extra loud conversations being just wrong – cell phone or person to person IN person.