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Will chivalrous expectations last?

I was very happy to make it out to the wonderful Atlanta Film Festival.  If you’ve never been, I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not a huge fan of films.  There was literally something for everyone, including films/shorts on music, art, comedy, history and many other genres of film were represented.  The attendees were as diverse as the films that were featured.

One of the featured shorts that stood out to me in the African American Shorts showcase was Train.

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

Train (2009) Darius Clark Monroe, Executive Producer

It was a short, yet powerful film about what men go through when they have to decide how to handle difficult situations in regards to chivalry.  I am being intentionally vague as not to give away the entire premise, but it made me think hard about what single women expect from men.

If a man is not interested in a woman romantically, we still would expect some sort of chivalry from them.  With all the confusing gender roles that can create dating and relationship issues, how will things shift? Will women continue to expect chivalry?  If there is a need to step in and take on a protector role, what would you think of a man who does not consider it his duty to act?

When we are all learning the “new gender roles”  how do you think we will progress in what we expect from one another?  I know none of us have crystal balls, but what is your educated guess considering what you have seen and heard?

537 comments Add your comment

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
9:57 am

Morning blog crew!

Raqi – You said pretty much what I was going to say. I look at chivalry really as good manners and respect, which go for all genders, not just men. We should show basic courtesy to our fellow man, woman & child. I’ve held the door, given up a seat and helped with packages for just as many men as I have women, old and young. It’s nice when good manners are shown to me, but I go on if not. I ALWAYS smile & say thank you to everyone, male or female, when they do something nice for me. They all seem to appreciate it and it makes them feel good in return. This is how I was raised. Good manners have taken me VERY far in this life and I will always be eternally grateful for my parents in raising me that way. So alot is really due to upbringing. I recognize that others have not been so fortunate. I love it when little boys and girls show their good manners. It gives me hope for the future. After all, I hope our future young people won’t have to deal with issues such as those tired forums on why they can’t find a good husband or wife.

I don’t get this notion that men think women have to earn their chivalry. What do videos queens and other behaviors not becoming of a lady have to do with a man showing good manners to someone in passing, much less a girlfriend or wife? So what if she’s not used to it? Show her there’s a better way.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
9:57 am

Blak – Ok Im a REF.. And I Ref for some church leagues..

Kym

April 27th, 2010
9:58 am

I agree with ABC it really is just manners. I mean if I see a dude walking with stuff in his hands I am not going to stand there and watch him struggle with the door anymore than I would another woman. My son grabs the door for me going in places and then holds the door for the man/woman who maybe coming behind me. If I am alone and going out the door and there is a guy behind me I hold the door so he can catch it with his hip or arm. I mean that is just polite and good manners.

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
9:58 am

Melo,

I agree a lot of people did not have respectable elders to help out. Also if you see you are weak or lacking in an area. Get some help in that area. There is nothing wrong with trying to better yourself.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:00 am

Prof – Not knocking the wh0res cause they have their purpose too.. I just asked how can a man tell the difference.. I myself have succumbed to the ways of the loose lady but I digress..

Although if you look at the statement.. I said wanna be wh0res.. These are normal babes subscribing to the TMZ mentality and wanna be something they are not..

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:00 am

Sorry that should be doesnt get caught on the hip or arm..ya’ll know what I mean.

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:01 am

Not really sure what WISE is truely asking…

Chilvary isn’t dead, but much appreciated from most women! (Even when it’s from lil homie holding the door all the while looking at your booty :-) )

The Protector Role – As far as this is concerned. First, I try to avoid any type of scenerio that a Protector is needed cause people are crazy and you don’t know who’s packing. SO, with that said I would only expect a SPOUSE to, in essence, put his life on the line for me, (if necessary cause leaving should always be optimal). BUT, of course, that SPOUSE would gladly do so.

If he’s just a SO, well, I DON’T expect him to do anything physical, just to get us the hell out of dodge so nothing goes down!!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:03 am

Oh and Raqi go head
Kimmie I can dig that
Prof – Your list is what it is..

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:03 am

Prof – I like your list. Please specify for peeps to look up how to properly hold a knife and a fork!!! Lawd it kills me when I see grown ass peeps in decent place CLUELESS on how to hold a knife and fork :-|

AmazonRed™

April 27th, 2010
10:04 am

Seems like thats what chicks want now a days.. A dude that will cook, clean and be home waiting on them when they get off work.. Talking bout role reversal..

There are certainly a new brand of chicks who do indeed want that exact thing. They get the —> :? too!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:06 am

MQ – That bothers me to no end how a grown man or woman cant use utensils properly.. And to see them cut a piece of meat is just horrible..

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:07 am

mqew I want to see the short film to see what the conflict was…..she did leave that out…..

abc

April 27th, 2010
10:08 am

Of course he wouldn’t know, Professor. Chivalry would be presented with respect unless the respect is proven unwarranted, then to be replaced with simple good manners. Consider that the definition of a gentleman can be summarized as ‘one who never makes those around him feel uncomfortable.’ If that sentiment isn’t returned in kind, then respect will diminish.

In case of strangers in public, I tend to lose respect for those conducting cell phone conversations while walking around, and I may not even bother holding a door for a woman that’s been talking on the phone in the elevator and on the walk to the entrance. I consider her to be cluelessly rude, and don’t bother with being all that polite to someone that rude. Someone listening to their iPod, singing and dancing along while everyone else is trying to get someplace, is likely to get a similar reaction. A guy on the golf course the other day was carrying along an old-fashioned boom-box, I mean really! Sometimes, people can demonstrate their lack of worthiness for respect with the first impression you have of them.

Willie Dynamite

April 27th, 2010
10:10 am

Morning All,

Chivalry is definitely not dead. Walking with a limp but not dead. For me, I try to teach my lil ones how to conduct themselves as well as how to give/get respect. Chivalry is a form of respect, It shouldnt be something that you jump through hoops to give/get.
As for out and about I really dont put much thought into what a Womans expectations are. I’ll hold the door and offer help to a woman in need without expecting a thank you. If no appreciation is givn then fine that doesn’t stop me from the next time.

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:11 am

@DK thanks, I have seen those TMZ types

@mqew I agree..

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:11 am

@DK thanks, I have seen those TMZ types

@mqew I agree..

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:11 am

I don’t know if anyone has read the article about the Homeless gentleman in NYC who was killed and left on the street while people walked passed his body. But according to reports this man was trying to defend a woman from an assault when he confronted the man he was stabbed. The man ran off in one direction the one in the other. Calls to 911 had the police running all around and it was not until hours later that police actually found his body. The whole time people were walking pass him lying there on the sidewalk. I think this story is very telling not only about chivalry in our society..but also on the cold-hearted way we(yeah we) view each other. To see someone lying there dying and walk over them or around them..is just too heartless for words. But we have become so insensitive to the needs of others that its just..ughhh!!!

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:14 am

Sorry I need a Coca-cola..The man ran off in one direction..the women in the other direction..

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:15 am

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:16 am

ABC – Dang! Two in a row.. You going for the record today or what..

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:16 am

mqew- the knife and fork is a good one! I forgot about that one. I saw one dude looking like he was trying to stab his steak, and his chick look like she was trying to kill the chicken…they both were trying to cut against the grain of the meat.

Dan

April 27th, 2010
10:16 am

@abc

I don’t understand your logic.

How does someone else’s behavior (as described in your post) affect you practicing manners?

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
10:16 am

Everyone is worthy of basic respect. Who are we to judge.

As for this “new brand” of women and men that some of you speak of, all I ask is that you don’t ASSUME that everyone you meet is of this new brand. They are not.

And for the record, bad manners/lack of chivalry are a dealbreaker with me if you are interested romatically. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If you don’t know, you better find out BEFORE you deal with me.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:18 am

Kimmie – I’ll hold the door for ya.. Hold it closed while you on the other side trying to get in… Ha!

lurker

April 27th, 2010
10:18 am

Foul mouthed, quick to call another woman a b*tch, always combative, then wants a door opened for her or a chair pulled out, along with other chivalrous acts. A man will notice that behavior and automatically think not. Check your mannerisms…..MANnerisms

abc

April 27th, 2010
10:18 am

Dan, maybe it’s just me, but I rather doubt it.

Someone talking in public on their cell phone shows a blatant disregard for the comfort level of those around them. They don’t merit consideration of something like allowing them to enter first. Frankly, whenever someone is talking on their cell in the elevator, I want to start singing loudly, and off key. It seems an appropriate response.

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
10:19 am

DK – LOL!!

Melo

April 27th, 2010
10:19 am

Kym??

Respect and all round chilvary is so DEAD, all around us.

Tell me how u going to come sit next to me on the train,go ahead and give me ur back side while u talking to ur homie,sis or whoever across the isle,without even giving me the minimum of a nod of ur head in acknowldeging my presence nor a good morning/afternoon!
And u talk of NY, where i hear they dont even talk to the other person while on a bus stop etc…….

U want chilvary,go to the midwest may be..in these big cities??…DEAD and that was a new for me here,coming from ZAMBUNDA. :lol:

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 27th, 2010
10:21 am

lurker – Then why would a man be dealing with such a woman anyway? One he’s passed such judgement on?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:22 am

Melo – Zamunda Kid.. Its Zamunda.. Melo thats why youre my Homie cause you dont give a good hot d@mn bout most things..

Dan

April 27th, 2010
10:22 am

@abc

I’m not in disagreement with your statement, talking on cell phone’s in crowded areas, while waiting in line, etc. is rude.

But, maybe it’s me too, their actions don’t define my reaction.

Think the “liberty mutual commercial” – they don’t know if the haven’t been taught or don’t see it.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:23 am

Someone talking in public on their cell phone shows a blatant disregard for the comfort level of those around them

@abc – i bed to differ, because nothing about me talking on my cell phone should have anything to do with your comfort. the two just don’t relate. I can understand people who maybe too preoccupied on their phones to be courteous enough to render such chivalrous gestures, but me myself am fully aware of my surroundings while im on my cell phone in public nor am I being loud, cussing, or making obscene hand gestures so i don’t see why this would offend anyone.

Kym

April 27th, 2010
10:24 am

@Melo,

I don’t care if it is big city or small town. The man was dying..there was a blood pool under him..let me stop before I start crying again. Foolishness I say..Foolishness.

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:24 am

melo I thought the smae thing about NY and how they roll…..being cold is their theme…..I said excusme me a few times up there and was looked at crazy……..I sorta agree

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:24 am

meant same and excuse…..hmmmm I am ready to go……lol

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
10:25 am

kimmie, People just let their kids be all over the place these days. I tried to teach my boys manners but when we were out and the did something out of place I popped them on the top of their heads and told them to mind their manners. Get back in place.

Dan

April 27th, 2010
10:26 am

Being awful to servicepeople is something I notice too.

The casual dimissing of someone there (to do a job), and having the effect, or offering service; and folks act as if the person isn’t there.

See it at the airports, hotels, restaurants….

Melo

April 27th, 2010
10:26 am

you dont give a good hot d@mn bout most things..

@DK…thanx for the sp. correction..

yeah u my homie too..!

lemme grab a breakfast smwich..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:26 am

I get what he’s saying and not that you cant talk on your phonein public but when youre oblivious to people around you or talking like youre alone.. Thats a Problem.. Nobody wants to know about youre big toe getting smashed between the bed post while you were smashing.. Or that you just made mad money on the bricks, kid..

Professor...

April 27th, 2010
10:27 am

Random thought:

I have learned this and I thought about a conference I attended a few months ago where Mayor Reed spoke. When we entered the ballroom, the staff already had the table prepared with our lunch etc. The program called for invocation and two members in our party had a mix up with the food. The gentleman to my right looked at me and said I think we should start eating, what do you think. I told him unless it was health risk I didn’t feel it was proper to start eating with two people at the table waiting for food and the program called for invocation.

He also asked me which glass belong to him, and which fork to start with. Now hopefully after he left there he learned a thing or two, and most of all hopefully he will read up on this kind of stuff.

DreamsMaterialize

April 27th, 2010
10:27 am

Morning
Chivalry died in medieval times. What we now refer to as chivalry is just the small part of the actual code that is convenient for women. Now, courtesy and good manners are alive and well, despite what the propaganda promotes. Every generation says that the generation after them is worse. Our parents said it about us, our grandparents said it about them, etc. We don’t need a knighthood code or a book of etiquette to know how to act. Some aspects of chivalry are not aligned with what I believe, and some aspects of etiquette are garbage as well. It’s simple: be a good person, and treat people with the respect and courtesy that you require for yourself.

lurker

April 27th, 2010
10:27 am

That is why a man would not be involved with that type of woman.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:28 am

@DK – thats what i was tryna say just said way better lol

mqew

April 27th, 2010
10:28 am

DK & Prof – It’s hard to look at! Especially when they have the whole fork in their fist with the knuckles showing. Both funny and sad! :-|

Kym – That is truely horrible. On another note, I was hoping you could drop me your email so I can ask you a couple of questions about Paralegal schools. Or I can give you my email, just let me know which you’d prefer. Thanks.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 27th, 2010
10:28 am

Kym – Not only can I hold the door for you but Leroy can also hold you, Baby.. Leroy will also be chivalrous and hold ya booty too

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:30 am

professor I would have had to excuse myself and come back and have a look like really dude….lol

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 27th, 2010
10:31 am

Lady J-Baby put the work in like a champion......

April 27th, 2010
10:31 am

hmmmmmm dreamsM ok……lol

Raqi

April 27th, 2010
10:31 am

abc, I am kinda like you on the cell phone thing. It doesn’t bother me to see people on their phone but it does get under my skin when in closed or close areas and they are babbling on in high volume.

Respect the people around you. I see folks get so involved in the conversation they are having on the phones that they nearly walk over other people. They don’t pay attention to what they are doing. I saw this lady the other day that didn’t take the time to thank my husband for holding the door for her because she was too busy talking on the phone.

It’s just rude.

abc

April 27th, 2010
10:31 am

Everyone else within ear shot has to hear the conversation, Good Guy, and that imposes upon them to respectfully be silent. That’s why I feel compelled to burst into song. Although I’ve never actually done so — yet. That you wouldn’t recognize the rudeness, and would even defend the behavior, is why I lose respect for people that behave that way in public.

I’m not familiar with the commercial, Dan. I’m not saying I’d be overtly rude to them; just that my manners wouldn’t have much of a spirit of respect. I’d be just going through the polite motions.