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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Misadventures in New Orleans

Hello everyone! I’m “blogging on location” from the wonderful city of New Orleans.  I’ve been here since Saturday to attend the weekend bachelorette activities of a fabulous bride-to-be.  We descended upon the Big Easy during the New Orleans Jazz Festival.  It’s been great friends, food, and the best music in the world!

As I was trekking through Hartsfield-Jackson, a very handsome guy was noticing me. I noticed him noticing me and then I noticed him right back.  He ended up escorting me all the way to my gate (gentleman?) and then he asked me to take his number down.  I joked that I didn’t want to risk forgetting that I met him since I was headed to a weekend of debauchery.  He took mine and minutes later, he sends a text giving me his phone number.

Alright so, when men ask women to do the calling, is this a new twist to even the playing field of dating? Am I expected to call him when I get back? I actually don’t mind calling but I found it strange that he was so adamant about me calling him. I am so not a rules kind of girl, I just do what feels right.  In this situation, the right thing to do is call him if he crosses my mind.  If I don’t hear from him, I will make a phone call, and then wait.  *sigh* Dating gets complicated for no good reason sometimes.

Guys, what do you prefer with number swap and first contact?  When you are interested, does it matter who does the calling and when?  Are women offended when you ask them to call you instead of vice versa?

Should I let the guy lead the contact and interest or do I put in effort and wait for reciprocation?  What works best for you?

349 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-PrincessCut & Radiant;Never have to front....

April 26th, 2010
8:18 am

Good Morning Crew!!!! Glad the weekend celebration went well in the Big Easy WD & Crew!!!!!!!

Complicated is an understatement to say the least……I agree call if he crosses your mind when you get back……I am still trying to understand him stressing you to call him…..is that a bad thing or weird…..I guess it can go both ways if the interest is there….who knows….dating is a task….fun, interesting, disappointing, and a learning experience of self and others…..it is what it is

Good Guy Getting Greater

April 26th, 2010
8:25 am

Good Monday Morning!

Glad you’re having fun in my city WD and I’m with you on that one cuz I’m not much of a rules kind of guy either…hmm its always tricky for me as a guy, because usually if women are interested they’ll waste no time giving up the digits & if they aren’t then they’ll take his number and usually never call lol. but for guy to insist for you to call him, is IMHO a bit odd (read: interesting) considering you were giving guy reciprocation so my only guess is he felt confident enough that you’d call him back to give you his number.

Me personally, it makes no difference cuz if we chat it up and I’m feelin you I’ll ask for your number, if i get it cool if i don’t cool. If you ask for mine, then I gladly give it, but I don’t expect a return because from my experiences if a woman is truly interested in you then she will have no problem dialing the digits into ur iPhone, crackberry, droid, or what may have you. no hesitation lol

I can imagine some women being offended bc some women still want the man to do the pursuing and chasing or some just might think it outright cocky that a guy is supposed to assume that you even want to call him or are available. Then again, there are some women who find it intriguing, take charge, and can just go with the flow…sometimes guys are so used to taking the reins they wanna see how women can handle lead i guess. [diff strokes, diff folks]

random question: does anybody write down their digits on a piece of paper anymore? …naw guess that would make getting caught too easy nowadays lol

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
8:38 am

Hola!

When you are interested, does it matter who does the calling and when?

I just go with the flow. However if it seems that important for a guy to request that I call him, and he seems to stress that point. I would probably give him a call. Because I always like to check myself, and maybe I am giving off a vibe of I am busy or not that interested and he is feeding off of that vibe. So, I would give him a call because I know how at times I can have a one track mind especially if I am in the airport. Now, I hope that makes sense because I am sleepy and need more coffee after a very wonderful weekend.

Hey Lady J!

@A Great Guy….welcome back I remember reading you a while back, but I am sleepy so I could have your moniker confused.

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
8:43 am

does anybody write down their digits on a piece of paper anymore?

@Great Guy, you know what I would not mind it one bit to receive a number on a piece of paper. I have a habit of not locking numbers in my phone. It seems so odd to me to lock in a number and you really don’t know the person. This goes for personal, professional etc. I just have a thing about locking numbers in my phone. Yes I am weird and quirky like that.

Good Guy Getting Greater

April 26th, 2010
8:45 am

nope it’s me professor, i took a semester off, but now i’m back & ready 2 learn ;-) lol

@Prof – that makes perfect sense and go with the flow def gives me a vibe of okay this woman is definitely not difficult and somewhat spontaneous & that is a definite plus in my book.

….and good morning btw! :-)

CoolShadow

April 26th, 2010
8:48 am

Wise, it sounded like he was very interested and put the ball in your court to put you in control and/or at ease. Based on the tenor of your encounter, you’re both interested so does it really matter who kicks it off first? Because he put the onus on you to be the first one to initiate contact, are you feeling like you’re not really being pursued? Where’s the complication?

Guys, what do you prefer with number swap and first contact? When you are interested, does it matter who does the calling and when?

I prefer to swap numbers and initiate the call but it doesn’t matter to me who calls first.

Are women offended when you ask them to call you instead of vice versa?

In those cases, the woman has taken my number and prefers to initiate the first contact which is cool with me.
Have fun at the Jazz Fest, I could eat a shrimp po-boy and finish it off with a Barq’s root beer about now.

LadyAJ

April 26th, 2010
8:50 am

Good Morning All!!!! Happy Monday.

I personally enjoy when a guy gives you his number, I believe he has already expressed the interest in you and now he is throwing the ball in your court to see if you are interested in him.

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-PrincessCut & Radiant;Never have to front....

April 26th, 2010
8:50 am

Hey Professor!!!!!!

Good Guy Getting Greater

April 26th, 2010
8:51 am

to add: although, i do admit i like to work to GET the number for some strange sense of accomplishment and curiousity to what it may lead to (don’t judge me), but hey if she flips the script then i can adjust.

@Prof – thank you for sharing your thought on that, because I thought maybe it was just played out and tacky so no one did it anymore, but if a woman were to chat me up and jot down the digits on a piece of paper for some reason its a turn on (once again, don’t judge me) lol….

Run4life

April 26th, 2010
9:04 am

I hate to change the subject but I have run across this issue a couple of times in the last few months. I met two guys recently, and both reluctantly informed me they were seeing some one. Now, this revelation came after a few phone calls between us and after much prodding by me of why we have to date during the week instead of on prime time Friday or Saturday night. They both thought that I should give us a chance, and perhaps I will win out over their current girlfriends. I said thanks, but no thanks. My question is: Are there women out there that will date a men who are currently in a relationship? Now, one of the guys informed me that guys will date women that are in relationships because guys are confident that they can win us over. Whatever, dude? My opinion is that if a guy will move on from his current girlfriend, it is only a matter of time before he moves on from me. It would be different if the current girlfriend and he were having problems (on and off again relationship). But one of the guys goes on to explain how he has a key to her place, she’s out of town alot, etc. Sorry, this is not a ‘booty’ call.

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:05 am

@Great Guy…lol at you are back and ready to learn that was funny. I like the idea of getting the digits on paper. However let me be honest I would wonder where he been the past five years that he is still doing the paper thingy, especially if he had to look for pen and paper like we did back in the day. Can you say Lock-Up? :shock: :wink:

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:10 am

He ended up escorting me all the way to my gate (gentleman?) and then he asked me to take his number down. He took mine and minutes later, he sends a text giving me his phone number.

I actually don’t mind calling but I found it strange that he was so adamant about me calling him.

Ugh. What is that all about really? This is one of my biggest pet peeves in dating and I would have quickly lost his number.

Men talk about women not knowing their place and how they want to get back to traditional values…well, back then the men made the effort.

I don’t care if I’d potentially “miss out” on on a good man. There are plenty of good men out there with actual follow thru!

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:12 am

@Run4life,

I would do like your moniker states R-U-N! There are women out there that will share a man. I am not into fractions when it comes to humans and I don’t want 1/2 of nothing unless it is Tiger Woods or Oprah’s fortune. Anyway if you are not into drama, want a healthy relationship, and do not wish to share I would replace those guys name in my phone with DNA (do not answer)…if you are like me and have a few of those you wouldn’t which one it is. :grin:

Randyt (aka the guy with the really big blisters on his feet from Paris also known as the one really limping this morning)

April 26th, 2010
9:12 am

Hi WD all. Interesting issue because I do the same as the guy i your commentary. This is my reason for asking the lady to call me. I want her to feel comfortable and safe. To do this, I will include my number when I am corresponding with a ladd from Match or eHarmony and tell her that “when she feels comfortable, here is my number”. Sometimes the lady might respond with, “I am old fashioed and would rather the man call me” and then sends me her number…okay that is fine. In the end, I want it to be the woman’s choice, but I am quite capable of making a first move if that is what she wants.

By the way, for any who might not have already guessed this…Paris is INCREDIBLE.

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 26th, 2010
9:13 am

@Prof – lmao! true enough…you got me with that one there miss lol know he ain’t gotta cell so he gotta write down his mama landline :-/ haha

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 26th, 2010
9:15 am

@Randyt – hey no pain no gain sir lol im tryna wait for paris after i visit hawaii :-)

Randyt (aka the guy with the really big blisters on his feet from Paris also known as the one really limping this morning)

April 26th, 2010
9:17 am

Excuse the typos, only got four hours of sleep after coming in from Paris to northern England last night.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:17 am

And unlike WiseDiva, I do mind calling first and will tell the dude, who insists I give him a call, straight up, that I’m won’t be making the first call.

I’ll spare you all the details on how the Mister pursued me, but I will tell you that the opportunity was missed the first time, so when he ran into me again, he let me know that he wouldn’t miss his chance this time!

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:18 am

@RandyT since Paris is the city of love, I heard you see lovers everywhere. Did you find someone with with a perfect grill teeth?

@4G…you just know he is using his mama’s landline, and if he has that bulky build all of those muscles and no cardio aka prison build I am going to run

Dan

April 26th, 2010
9:19 am

It’s a matter of context,

If you weren’t feeling taking his number, a simple “I don’t do that” to average dude is cue to proceed in taking yours.

Also, if a woman “looks” busy, or focused (as Kimmie likes to say), then why not give her my number? When you have the free time call.

To the general point of the exchange of numbers, I’m with Coolshadow – does it really matter who calls who? Is stating an interest in him seeing you or vice versa really that important? Is this not a case of making a mountain out of a molehill?

@ARed

Thing is, not every dude is on that “know your role” stuff. If that’s the kinda cat you’re after and that you want to be after you, then cool. But not every dude has that “traditional” view of dating.

Good morning to all

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:20 am

ARed

At least give us a summary on how Mister pursued you. :grin:

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 26th, 2010
9:22 am

@ARed – see that’s what I’m used to and honestly I don’t mind…that’s how I was raised is to pursue a woman and yea it’s clear views and opinions of that have changed, but do you think it makes a woman look bad to call a guy or take a guys number?

@Prof – good thing you run cuz with that prison build and no cardio he won’t be able to catch up :-D lol

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:23 am

But not every dude has that “traditional” view of dating.

Duh.

Which is why the whole number exchange would illustrate that and why I wouldn’t feel bad about letting that ship pass me in the night. :lol:

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-PrincessCut & Radiant;Never have to front....

April 26th, 2010
9:24 am

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:25 am

but do you think it makes a woman look bad to call a guy or take a guys number?

Good Guy – No. I don’t think that. You have to do what works for you. I know plenty of girls who snagged guys cuz they stepped up and called right away. Men have so many options out there that they won’t be stressing over the women who do call.

Randyt (aka the guy with the really big blisters on his feet from Paris also known as the one really limping this morning)

April 26th, 2010
9:25 am

@4 Gs. I went to Maui many years ago. Still probably the prettiest scenery anywhere is the Hana Road (took a rental car past the “no rental cars beyond here” sign and went around the back side of the volcano (maximum safe speed, 5 mph…those rental cars will go anywhere). .

I am trying (as perhaps you are) to scratch off items on my “bucket list”. I still have Italy, Germany, and Switzerland, Egypt and Boston on my A-list. I love Barcelona, Paris, and London. Have been to Hawaii and most American cities and states, but not Alaska. Going to high school in rural East Tennessee, where most people never escaped other than the Army, I’ve travelled quite a bit. Came a long way from Hawkins County Tennessee ;-)

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-PrincessCut & Radiant;Never have to front....

April 26th, 2010
9:30 am

Men have so many options out there that they won’t be stressing over the women who do call.<———-Agree!

Good Guy Getting Greater (4G) - betta den ur 3G

April 26th, 2010
9:31 am

@Randyt – lol daredevil you are sir

I’m out to the flightline. Be Blessed everyone :-)

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:33 am

At least give us a summary on how Mister pursued you.

I met him at an event. It was the end of the night and I was getting ready to leave. I was talking to a friend of his and the friend arranged for him to walk me to my car. He asked me if I was going to the after party. I was on the fence about it but told him yes. He asked me if we could talk more there. I agreed.

Well, I got to the spot first and they were charging at the door and there was no way I was spending more money at 3 am when I had church the next day. So I dipped. He got to the spot a few minutes later and I wasn’t there so he thought I had blown him off. (I knew I could always find him thru my friend so I knew I could find him if I wanted to :lol: ).

Anyway, a couple weeks later the friend threw a party and we were both there. He basically pulled me aside and I told him what had happened at the door. Knowing I hadn’t actually blown him off he told me the night wouldn’t end until he got my number. He texted me that night and called me the next day. It’s been all gravy ever since!

DreamsMaterialize

April 26th, 2010
9:34 am

*sigh* Dating gets complicated for no good reason sometimes.
What’s complicated. If you like someone, call them. If you’re not interested, on to the next.

So, what’s the difference between this guy asking you to write his number down and giving you his business card. I’m adaptable. I prefer to be the one calling, but I have run into women who have felt more safe/comfortable just taking my number. No problem. Whatever puts you at ease and makes you feel most comfortable. I can go with the flow.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 26th, 2010
9:34 am

That our way of finding out if youre interested.. If you call you are and if you dont you arent.. Takes all the guessing games out of the mix.. You know whats up by what she does or doesnt do..

Randyt (aka the guy with the really big blisters on his feet from Paris also known as the one really limping this morning)

April 26th, 2010
9:35 am

Prof, Just going around saying “je t’aime” to everyone you see. I saw so many unbelievably beautiful woman, incredible amounts of PDA, etc. I do not think I saw a single native French man or woman who was overweight. I was so jealous…definitely go there with someone you love if you can…it permeates the air.

I wanted to just walk up say “je t’aime” and kiss about a 1000 women (just the 10s or better), (or maybe grab a booty, hey, I’m human). I think you can get away with that.in Paris.

abc

April 26th, 2010
9:39 am

My first impression is, in the airport?! It brings to mind instances of men hitting on chicks (like the TSA chicks, no kidding) while in line for security checks, or getting on and off the train. It makes me want to tell them to take their stupid stuff out of the way of people who have someplace to go.

I guess people meet wherever they happen to meet, but in an airport? I’m usually not having a whole lot of spare time to pay attention to other people that much, or to be inclined to hold up the show, unless I’m already waiting at the gate.

Dan

April 26th, 2010
9:39 am

Not to change the discussio, but

Can we dispense with the bromide, trope, or overuse of the phrase about “men and [our] options”?

Yes, while there may be a statistical advantage for men in certain cities, regardless of the numbers, you ladies have us beat.

When a man gets ready to settle down, it’s never about the number of women he’ll be passing up, it’s about the woman he won’t let go of. That said, yes there are options. But that complaint only holds weight for a woman that has not decided to be the only option.

In that, I’ll give somma the ladies on here their just due.

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:40 am

RandyT, I am so glad you made it over there. I see you have a little Melo in you with the booty grabbing and such :grin: I will have to remember to go to Paris the next time I love.

@ARed…nice story thanks for sharing!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA LEROY LOVING

April 26th, 2010
9:41 am

I prefer to swap digits also..

And Professor.. Heres a fix for locking numbers in your phone.. I just put New in the last name space / where I met them..

EX: First name: Professor
Last Name: New Publix

Thats right Im sure I could see you in Publix.. But anywho.. Then every so often I run thru the New list and start deleting.. And if I we get to really “Conversating” then I’ll put your last name on File.. Im gonna need a last name cause you know you might try and get me and people need to know who you are.. Just in case ;-)

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 26th, 2010
9:42 am

Lady J-Diamond in da Rough-PrincessCut & Radiant;Never have to front....

April 26th, 2010
9:44 am

really……hmmmmm

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
9:45 am

@DK that is cool thanks for that, and yes you probably have seen me in Publix and did not know I was “The Professor,” but just another lady in those dreadful flip flops :evil: :grin:

Randyt (aka the guy with the really big blisters on his feet from Paris also known as the one really limping this morning)

April 26th, 2010
9:48 am

@ abc

The “TSA chicks”…now that is scary. Ugly women with weapons, a bad attitude, and a scowl on their faces that would make a mad pitbull look good. That is the epitome of “hard up”.

Run4life

April 26th, 2010
9:48 am

@Professor…

Thanks for the feedback. Sometimes these guys just need to get over themselves. BTW, I did RUN. I just wondered how many women out there that will buy that Bull.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
9:50 am

@ARed…nice story thanks for sharing!

Thanks Professor. :)

Run4life

April 26th, 2010
10:00 am

I mean ‘who will buy that BS’. lol

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
10:01 am

@Runlife,

You know a lot of women and men will share a mate. I have seen more women than men involved in this kind of behavior. Shoot, I have seen it since middle school….women waiting on the sidelines hoping to one day be “IT.” Not to mention the ones that sit on standby for years…smh and they a quick to say how long they have been with dude and how they cannot leave.

Also I am glad you saw the red flags dating only during the week, and at least those dudes finally came clean. You know they could have blamed it on work and made it seem like they were doctors, firefighters or federal agents etc.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
10:04 am

That our way of finding out if youre interested.. If you call you are and if you dont you arent..

How limiting. By giving the guy my number and telling him “hey I’m interested” should let him know I’m interested. :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2010
10:08 am

I met two guys recently, and both reluctantly informed me they were seeing some one.

“Seeing someone” doesn’t mean they have a girlfriend. It means they are seeing someone. It means that ole girl is the “main” and you basically can date the guy and compete for the “main” or “girlfriend” spot or you can reject the deal and keep looking.

Would I date someone who is seeing somone else? Sure. Cuz it means that I’m probably seeing someone else too.

SexyCool - Cloud Status - 9+++

April 26th, 2010
10:08 am

I would take a guy’s number if he insisted. And I would make the first call, if I were interested enough. And depending on how the conversation flowed and whether he took the lead would determine whether things would go any further.

Off topic – For a minute, around this time last year, I was a regular at The Tavern over on Camp Creek. I would go sit at the bar and have a martini or two at least once or twice a week. It was always funny to me to see these two or three guys, easily in their early/mid 40’s that were regulars that somehow happened to be there talking to a different chick everytime I was there. Was at The Tavern recently, them same three guys still showing up chasing tail. What is the cutoff age for b.s’ing ass men? Obviously, for some, as long as there remain some sort of option, there is no cut off. They will be out at the club chasing tail until they get so old that the only thing they will be good for is ‘going home to die.’

M. (pronuoced M dot)

April 26th, 2010
10:08 am

Morning.

“Guys, what do you prefer with number swap and first contact? When you are interested, does it matter who does the calling and when? Are women offended when you ask them to call you instead of vice versa?

Should I let the guy lead the contact and interest or do I put in effort and wait for reciprocation? What works best for you?

The way I handle the phone number situation is to give her my number and tell her when to call me. This is the ideal situation at first.

This works out good for guys in 2 ways:

1. If she is interested, she will call and you will know she is interested because she called you.

2. If she is not interested and does not call, you will at least have her out of your hair and focus on prospects that could lead somewhere rather than you calling her and letting her toy around with you. At least you still have your dignity.

I have had women say oh I dont call guys, etc. Thats their preference. I gave my number to a woman last week and said call me tomorrow around noon. She called the next day at 12:06pm ;)

“Should I let the guy lead the contact and interest or do I put in effort and wait for reciprocation”

I think you should have balanced reciprocation. Nobody is that busy where one person should have to do all the calling. If they are interested, they will call. Simple and plain.

Professor...

April 26th, 2010
10:10 am

Ared, she mentioned one of the guys had a key to the lady he was seeing home.

mqew

April 26th, 2010
10:10 am

WISE – Have fun in the N.O. <—– One of the best citys in the states! Also, I need you to get a daiquiri with a shot of "your choice" and walk around with it…. I just love they can do that :lol:

Topic – InfamousDK had it right…. If you're interested, you'll call. That's why he gave you his number! Simple as that. Not sure what's hard about that one :-|

Frankly, I've ALWAYS preferred it that way because I HATED giving my number out. Never was comfy with that one.

ACTUALLY, it's how me and minzes got together :-) He slipped me his number, and simply said, "Call me if you're interested."

Hey, I still call him Ksmooth :lol: :lol: :lol: