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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

April 22nd, 2010
12:25 pm

So are we done with the Black Women Ain’t Isht discussion yet? I have nothing to contribute to that topic. I will say as I’ve said before that I am, and always have been, in love with my Isis reflections, my Kemetic queens, my Cushite goddesses, the women that the Medu Neter (words of the gods) itself is unable to adequately personify.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:25 pm

Silly, guilty of that. Not caring about the charge, guilty of that also. It is not even a misdemeanor. LOL

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:26 pm

lmao I haven’t heard blog graveyard in a long minute……too funny!

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:26 pm

or Whitney Houston :)

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:26 pm

EVERYBODY has too many options.

@School??

if there were too many options,this discussion wld not be with us here, today. me thinks??

:???:

There are Options but it appears,the options are not that good for most black women…is that not what we hearing from uall ladies??

And to be fair,the men are also saying uall are good enough either..the sum total of uall??

Maybe Im wrong??

But thats what i get!

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:27 pm

not good enough either

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
12:28 pm

EVERYBODY has too many options

SexyCool, that’s because people just don’t care any more. Commitment and promises mean very little to many these days. You can wear the wrong kind of shoes (i.e. flipflops) and get booted for the next chick that doesn’t.

Many are just too quick to jump ship just to find that the next one comes with their share of faults also and then moving on to the next.

(Infamous, that’s just an example okay? LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

April 22nd, 2010
12:28 pm

So are we done with the Black Women Ain’t Shyte discussion yet? I have nothing to contribute to that topic. I will say as I’ve said before that I am, and always have been, in love with my Isis reflections, my Kemetic queens, my C-u-s-h-i-t-e goddesses, the women that the Medu Neter (words of the gods) itself is unable to adequately personify.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

He’s back as if he never left :grin In fact I stayed gone longer.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

I never said that the options were good ones. Just that they exist.

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
12:31 pm

@ Carlito — Did you catch part 2 of that South Park episode last night? Hilarious… I shot beer through my nose over Barbara Streisand’s “stink ray” :lol:

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:32 pm

DreamsM Rocks!!!!!! :) LOL

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
12:32 pm

@Dreams I guess so..I was hoping Steve Harvey would show up and go a couple of rounds.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:33 pm

Dreams, on Cush it amazes me how his son Nimrod, who was very powerful. Name has taken on a negative connotation. All of them are direct descendants of Noah.

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:33 pm

Raqi now I truly agree with EVERYTHING stated!!!! Awesome post!

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:33 pm

I never said that the options were good ones

@Scool??

what did u say then..coz thats a negative statement??

24karatga

April 22nd, 2010
12:34 pm

Ok..enough already..this topic could go on until the end of time….Cant we all just get along…SMH ??!!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
12:34 pm

@Carlito..I gave up getting a recipe from you..I will see if Rachel Ray has one.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:34 pm

Swiss, yes I watched it. LOL Her singing was hilarious as well. So was finding out about Cartman’s father. :)

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
12:35 pm

Just that they exist.

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:35 pm

That is why I love Bewitched!!!!! Samantha’s husband loves her and all her crazy and even use to the crazy to his advantage in his world!!!!!!

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:35 pm

Kym, did you say what you wanted? I missed it.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:35 pm

There are lot of good options out there,on both sides…the eyes are not trained to see and sift properly!

Thats the problem!

Luvbug

April 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm

Dreams- Thanks. That was refreshing to read today.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm

@Kym…I was going to tell you Stouffers but Melo said you have to make the food if you are going to keep the man.

:grin:

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm

Legalize Polygamy!

24karatga

April 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm

Im sorry..one last thing…Is it just me or was Sherri dispaying the ABW Syndrome…She was speaking with some hostility…and Jacque…from deep within. I need to get on the prowl because I dont want to end up that way ! Three more years before 30 ! – I better get to work..according to the media

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:37 pm

on to the next one has become a sijmple theme here lately….lol

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
12:37 pm

Actually, I didn’t say anything about the good or the bad of the options. Just that there are too many.

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2010
12:38 pm

ELLA What I find funniest about the marriage dialogue is that ways we measure success will depend on your values system. My co-worker who’s maybe 10 yrs younger and in a 6-9 mo relationship with someone she’s known for yrs, but not dated just announced her engagement. Engaged two weeks ago. Getting married next month. No shot gun. I’m like WOW. 6-9 mos and I might be tentatively broaching the use of the B(oyfriend) word. Some would point to that as a success b/c she’s getting married even tho it was a whirlwind romance. I worry about the potential of a whirlwind divorce. The rate of Divorce matters to me more than the rate of Weddings.

KYM I have a good one the people usually luv if he continues to be stingy. I’m of Bronxian descent, measure by sight, and never quite make it the same way twice, tho. Hmmmm, Is it still considered a recipe then?

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
12:39 pm

So, Melo if we get it legalized. How many wives will Queen and the kids allow you to have? I get the feeling that it would not help you out at this point. :grin:

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:39 pm

Kym, depends on the vegetables you want in it. Really, you just make your filling and keep your cooked vegetable to the side. Once you are ready to bake put them in there the same way you would “meat” and then bake it as normal for about an hour.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
12:39 pm

SexyCool, my husband has had owned 5 cars in his lifetime. All were Audi except one. He likes the Audi despite all the other options out there. He tried once going with another car and found himself back with what he likes and prefers. That’s how I have come to view how people are especially in relationships.

Some people find what they like and you cannot move them from that no matter what other options are available. Not every one out there is trying to drive every model of car going down the road. Even when the model that they prefer gives them a little trouble or needs a little tuning. They just fix the problem and keep right on going. They know what they want and they stick with it.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:40 pm

Melo said you have to make the food if you are going to keep the man.

@Proff??

now thats the truf coz if another woman makes food for me and not u my woman, i might as well be with the woman who was kind enough to make me the food!

How wld u like it Prof if another man,not ur real man was kind enough to want to go down on u but not ur real man??

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
12:40 pm

@EPO

I’m guilty of the latter – but with (what I feel) are justifiable and good reasons.

As to the former, it takes two to tango. Why would I stay with someone that doesn’t want the sames things as I from the relationship? Sheeeett, it don’t take 3-5 years to find that out.

@SC

Options = control? From whence did that eqauation come?

As stated, the availability of options or choices, is something you learn about yourself in life. Should I, shouldn’t I? Will I, won’t I? But, I expect someone over 18 to have at least a tertiary understanding of who they are, what they want, and how to achieve those things. Despite the “options” available.

I mean, we all know whether we like grape or red kool-aid. Should the decision really be that difficult?

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

In Alicia Key’s song I’m Ready it is a verse that says “we give up without even trying”…..

it is so easy to walk away…..

BlackMagicWoman

April 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

HOTLANTA…I agree 100% with you!

Why are only Black women looked down upon for wanting her equal? Women of other races either marry up (financially) or only consider a man who has what she has (education, money, etc…). But Black woman are supposed to lower their standards? That is BS! Why is this this a race issue?

NEWBIE…time waits for NO man…so why should you? You should be open to men of all races. Mr. Right could be White…Latino..Asian, Middle Eastern, etc.

“can’t think of one professional black woman who wasn’t raised by her mother to “have her own.” This advice comes from generations of black women who endured abuse and financial neglect from men who did one or multiple of the following: 1. spend the family money to take care of other women 2. create other children outside of the marriage 3. physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse his significant other 4. downright neglect to take care of the family at all. Through these types of phenomena, black mothers and grandmothers talked to their daughters and granddaughters and told them to prepare themselves professionally and financially so they wouldn’t become victims of these types of abuses. Black women have changed for the better. We’re not going back. Too many black men have not changed for the better;”

So well put I had to repeat it! Arful….so true!

Can we not put Dominican Republic in with Brazil as a Sex Capital! Thanks! :lol: Um…WHITE ENGINEERING GUY…can you please say the girl’s name that you met in Santiago? (I hope she is not related to me) :lol:

PROFESSOR…you 10:08 has me rollin’! :lol:

Hiya doin’ Mrs. Black & White…

CARLITO…I still love your sexy a$$! I like un-PC humor! :lol: Oh yeah..and Benny Hill! Now where the hell is my canoli? :lol:

For the reocrd…Carlito is TAN! :lol:

SEXYCOOL…Clayton Bixby…hot a$$ mess! he is like Uncle Rukus on Boondocks. :lol:

Since we are quoting TV shows….

“Thunder…thunder…thundercats HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

“Showtime Synergy”

“By the power of Grayskull…IIII HAVVVVVEEE THE POWERRRRRRRRR!”

I watch way too much TV! :lol:

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

Melo if we get it legalized. How many wives will Queen

@Prof??

its already legalized coz thats my culture. Its nice to have the option and not use it.

If i wanted to,i wld send her back home,then marry an afr/amerrican to live with ova here..then visit her(queen) every 6 months or so.

she dare not cook,she will see what happens!

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
12:44 pm

How wld u like it Prof if another man,not ur real man was kind enough to want to go down on u but not ur real man??

Melo

That is a helluva comparison, but truthfully if we are at the point that he is licking my South Africa just below the navel he is something to me. I guess I am rolling with him at that point. :grin:

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
12:46 pm

BlackMagicWoman, How are you? :) Uncle Ruckus is funny, I like the boondocks as well. I am ready for the new season. Have you seen the promo clips?

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
12:46 pm

@Melo,

Now do you really think an AA woman would go for that one? You going home every six months to visit your other wife and lay up and come back here like WHAM.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 22nd, 2010
12:47 pm

Put the thesaurus down and slowly walk away from the monitor….slowly and keep your hands where I can see ‘em.

Speaking of Alicia Keys, is she preggers….saw a video and she looked a lil fluffy in the midsection…

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
12:47 pm

Thank you my two and you too Carlito..I am going to give it a try..

@Prof..I have no man I am trying to keep..after this week..my friend challanged me to approach a guy and strike up a convo..but errr after this week’s blog battle..and Steve Harvey..I am going to focus on my DIY projects and enjoy my new home..I have truly felt insulted this week.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
12:47 pm

I guess I am rolling with him at that point.

@Proff??

there u go!

feed him in the kitchen,he feeds u upstairs in the bed….

and u be tgether forever after!

Men are easy!!!

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:48 pm

Pretty….
Brown…
Eyes……

Verse:

Pretty brown eyes
You know I see you
It’s a disguise the way you treat me

You keep holding on
To your thoughts of rejection
If you’re with me you’re secured

You keep telling me
That your time is always taken
But I keep seeing you out alone

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
12:48 pm

I love Uncle Ruckus..Praise White Jesus!!!

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
12:50 pm

Oh no you did not just mention Thunder Cats, BlackMagic. Blog confession: That female Thunder Cat (can’t remember her name) always gave me pre-pubescent wood. Just sayin’… :lol:

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
12:50 pm

I like Dukes of Hazords too folks….how did I forget BossHog!

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2010
12:50 pm

Awww DREAMS said I’m a Goddess! (That boy can sang!!!)

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
12:50 pm

You know Tom on the Boondocks is married to a white woman..Sarah..and she thinks he is lame as hell. I love that episode with Usher..