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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

@LadyJ..oh I totally am blaming everything on Maude..ohh and Dianna Carroll too..Dynasty!!!!! When she slapped Alexis..woosahhhhhh in the face!!!!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:14 am

fred sanford when grady is playing and when fred went out of town to st louis and grady had to keep lamont! that social security multiple checks episode is my all time fav!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:15 am

LOVE BOAT YALL!!!!!!!!!

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
11:15 am

I know my parents love me,
Stand behind me come what may.
I know now that I’m ready,
Because I finally heard them say
It’s a different world form where you come from.

Here’s a chance to make it,
If we focus on our goals.
If you dish it we can take it,
Just remember you’ve been told
It’s a different world form where you come from.
It’s a different world form where you come from.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
11:15 am

See I did the whole we look good on paper marriage.. I see sooo much clearer now when it comes to relationships.. That lesson was well worth the time, energy and money it cost me.. I learned about me and what I want from a woman. Most importantly I learned what I want to be for that woman.. Now knowing no oneis perfect.. I want to be the dude she smiles when she thinks about, the guy who she can TRUST, the guy she can rely on when she cant rely on no one else, the guy that is concerned about her well being, they guy that she respects. And in return I expect the same..

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:16 am

AWWWW Issac…mix me a drink man!!!!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:16 am

dag that was clear cut! cut from a different cloth indeed!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

Man…what happen to the Love Boat…all this drama could be wrapped up if we all just got on the Love Boat..

Love, exciting and new
Come aboard, we’re expecting you
Love, life’s sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you

The Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure
Your mind on a new romance

And love won’t hurt anymore
It’s an open smile on a friendly shore

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

I learned about me and what I want from a woman. Most importantly I learned what I want to be for that woman.. Now knowing no oneis perfect.. I want to be the dude she smiles when she thinks about, the guy who she can TRUST, the guy she can rely on when she cant rely on no one else, the guy that is concerned about her well being, they guy that she respects. And in return I expect the same..

That’s What’s UP!

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

@Carlito, please advise me on the derogatory or insensitive comments I made to you, because I want to give you my sincerest and heartfelt apology. I don’t do the race jokes and IMO to many people lost their lives in hate related crimes that the KKK and other hate groups did. A young boy by the name of Emmitt Till shouldn’t of being killed, and the beautiful Ms. Billie Holiday shouldn’t never had to sing “Strange Fruit.”

Let me know if you have any questions…my southern roots are real and I’ve witnessed a lot and my grandparents and parents witnessed even more, so it is not a joke to me. Therefore I don’t joke with others about their heritage either. I just want you to dig where I am coming from and we can set things straight in a respectful manner. If you need an offline discussion post your email addy again.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

Dan – we are saying the same thing.. Basically.. Of course the basics apply.. Weve been at this for a minute so of course I take some liberties..

anonymousella

April 22nd, 2010
11:19 am

ok, now that i have watched this “nightline” thing, i have one observation: sherri shepherd and jacque reid are telling these men that what you think we want is not what we want and not n’ere one of those men were listening.

and yet, the problem is us?

also: i am agreeing with sherri shepherd? man, if i believed in the apocalypse, i’d think that s**t was a-comin’ next week.

lurker

April 22nd, 2010
11:20 am

Ya’ll see what happens when you let folks in (yep I’m saying it) play in the sandbox without citing the rules. Carlito, it was bound to happen sooner or later. You need to back up a bit with the so-called jokes…ain’t funny.

hotlanta and Professor love your posts/list

Umm, are these folks typing with their eyes closed? Seriously.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
11:20 am

Crap. Looks like I’m going home for lunch. Forgot to take my daggone bc pill.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
11:21 am

Carlito – membership in a hate group, a defunct social movement and a fairly ineffective, outdated social organization?

Just jokes. I know. Laugh, laugh. Chuckle, chuckle.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

Forgot to take my daggone bc pill.

:shock:

Miss Wise

April 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

I watched the special briefly last night. I am only 26 and live in Houston, TX and I have not had a hardtime finding a good man. If I was to live in Atlanta I would be afraid to date with all the gay men and downlow brothers. Atlanta is no place for straight black women. Also I find that women over the age of 35 who are not married or in relationships are too picky. These women are trying to find a man with no baggage which is almost impossible at this age as well as a man who is just as successful as you, which is almost impossible as well. What we black women forget is that it is alot harder to be a successful black man. Most of us ourselves come from broken homes, lived in poverty, and that was very hard to overcome as a black woman. Imagine a black mans problems, when he constantly has people stereotyping him because the color of his skin. Some men are good men, they may not have deep pockets,degrees,a nice car, the whole nine, but if he has potential dont just throw him away because he dosent have anything. And I find that alot of older black successful women do this. What the older black woman must know is that she is not the pick of the litter either because of her age. Most men now days want younger women, so that alone should make you relax your standards a little… We have to take responsibility for this also… And mothers with sons, we need to raise our young men to be leaders and teach them how to treat women and not spoil them.

bblade

April 22nd, 2010
11:24 am

As a black man I think the problem with black male/female relationships is systemic.
I think a major part of the problem results from the fact that far too many black men are
not fulfilling their roles as fathers. I believe that the first man that a woman should love is
her father. I believe that her father helps to lay a strong foundation for a woman to love
and be loved my another man. I think this is what the Creator intended but unfortunately
far too often this is not happening for women in the African American community. In my experience,
almost without exception there is a clear distinction between women who have had a good nurturing
relationship with their fathers throughout their lives and those who have not. So, to my fellow
black men out there the next time you find yourself saying what the heck is wrong with this
black woman or that black woman… take a peek at the history of her relationship with her father
and you’ll get real close to the answer.

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:25 am

don’t sleep on good times and thelma and all her engagement shows…..could yall imagine being engaged to EVERY guy you dated??????

I like good times!

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

Thanks lurker

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

“I’m a movement by myself
But I’m a force when we’re together.
Mami, I’m good all by myself
But, baby, u make me better.”

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:26 am

i really like her and larry and felt california would have been great for her but her heart was with keith….lol

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

PrincessNik – It should be okay. You can generally miss a day and be okay. I just don’t chance those things. Now I’ll just be a couple hours late in taking it, I won’t be missing it tho!

East Point's Own

April 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

One thing a lot of women who say that they are NOW ready for a regular good dude seem to forget is that during all those years when they were looking for a “baller” or a “thug” or any of those popular types of guys who the young ladies (age 20-25) seem to flock to, they were missing out on the prime years to find their husband. Many people who do marry, do so after college or near the age of 25. The fact that so many of our young ladies are looking for the wrong type of man for a good portion of the years when most people of other ethnic backgrounds are already engaged or married is a part of the problem. I know women who turned down proposals from men they dated for 2,3,5 years because they were not ready to get married yet…

Well when you are 30-35 and still single and you are ready to marry you have to know that the game is goning to be a lot harder to win. I said all that to say this, men are not the only people who want to play or get more notches in the bed post, ladies do it just the same, but then want to blame the 30+ year old men who are doing it when the ladies feel as if its now time for them to get married.

http://hispointofview.com

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
11:28 am

Look now Imma tell ya’ll this.. Lay off the Gay Atlanta ish.. How long ya’ll been here.. I been here all my life and I know there are Gay Pockets but that aint where I hang or my Patnas hang.. Its just as many straight dudes for straight women as there are Gay Men for Gay Men AND Gay women for Gay women.. Come on with the jokes.. Another misconception that all these gay dudes running around Atlanta.. I know this for a fact.. They stay in their zone cause this is still the south.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
11:29 am

Professor, I am new to this blog and I do not keep count. And I am not saying you personally. This will be my last post on this blog so this statement is not directed towards you, so please understand.

I can be asked how to make an Italian dish or a meal associated with what “we” eat. But I can not ask about a soul food dish and then I am accused of making some sort of joke because I want to know how to make chitterlings(And my neighbor made me some by the way)? On the jokes and stuff, I am not speaking for Swiss but just because we embrace the humor and some of the funny stereotypes does that make it ok? And people on here are up in arms when I ask a question or joke back? Where is the line? It is okay for the masses here to do it but not the other way around. This is a minority blog and even non black minorities are made to feel uncomfortable. Italian and Italian Americans history is nowhere as near tragic as the African American struggle, we do have a plight and struggle of our own as well. From being prejudiced against, by all races. Even in the media, name one show that view’s Italians in a positive light. Hispanics have them, African American’s have them White’s have them. I blog under my real name, I do not have to hide make a point. I gracefully bow out, enjoy your days :)

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
11:30 am

Forgot to take my daggone bc pill.

@Ared!

its jus one day,wont hurt!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:31 am

Wait..Carlito..you white…who knew? No one tells me these things..how am I suppose to keep up. Alright now..we getting a bit high in the quota on here..swiss, Randy, carlito, now this Laid back dude..they moving in pretty quick. Soon it will look like Midtown in here..okay wait not midtown..more like Buckhead..naw..they dont strike me as Buckhead dudes..Cartersville.. Pretty soon it will look like Cartersville in here!!! LMAO!!!

emack06

April 22nd, 2010
11:32 am

@ PrincessNik
“The ability to compromise is a strength not a weakness”

I totally agree. Black women, honestly, The bible will teach you all you need to know and expect in a “Good Man”. You should consider taking the “Marriage Without Regrets” by Kay Author course offered at Elizabeth Baptist Church. My wife and I did, and we learned a lot about what God expects out of a relationship and how to make our relationships strong, healthy and happy. There are plenty of ”
Good” black men out there if you would only get out of your own way.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
11:33 am

its jus one day,wont hurt!

melo – I know…besides we use condoms too. But better safe then sorry!

It’s only a 10 minute trip from the job to the house with no traffic. I need to do lunch at home more often!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

Awww damn why yall run Carlito off..come back..Carlito..dont back down..dont leave we need diversity..

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

Elizabeth BC is a great church along with Cascade UMC!!!!! good post emack06!

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

@Anon

Seperate the conjucture from the context.

Given, both side engaged in generalities and started most sentences with assumptions.

But, points and counterpoints were made.

My synopsis would be simply: everybody wants what they want and are gone give what they gone give. Find somebody that will take what you give, give you what you want. And be happy.

All else is shullbit.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

So now you are going to take your ball and go home because you got called on something?

We don’t fix things by walking away from it when something happens that we don’t like.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

@ ARed

You can generally miss a day and be okay. I just don’t chance those things

FYI, that’s how lil mama got here

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

besides we use condoms too

@Ared!

i can tell u getting it…

u generally very relaxed on the blog..no raised brow or any such bullshyyt!

:lol: :lol:

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
11:36 am

Correction – Carlito is not white, he is Italian.

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2010
11:36 am

Topic Fatigue….Skimming… and hoping we’ve moved on to tom foolery… Yeah, kinda what hotlanta said. Ain’t nothing new, they just repackage it and some keep buying it. But the floodlights come on for us b/c we give it airplay. It’s so en vogue now to be of other races, doing stuff we’ve done for years but on them it’s okay. 16 & Pregnant – the ultimate glorification of being a baby mama AND them lil girls perpetuate the disrespect of their parents when the lil raggedy father is around.

INFAMOUS I don’t know too many of those women (and I doubt it’s cuz I’m not in the market for one) who you reference. The ones whose ideal mate is basically gonna let her walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Most of the women I associate are runnin’ round screaming that we wanna wear the skirts, dresses and everything else to avoid wearing the pants.

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:37 am

Whoa, whoa…ho…

You made me happy
This you can bet
You split right beside me, yeah
And I won’t forget

And I really love you
You should know
I wanna make sure I’m right, girl
Before I let go

emack06

April 22nd, 2010
11:37 am

@ East Point’s Own…your comments are soo true. Ladies, keep your legs close and demand that these men respect you. If they are not man enough to respect then you know to move on.

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

Kym — Please not Cartersville… I grew up not too far from Cartersville & I spent my whole childhood counting the days until I could get out… :lol:

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

mytwo – I will go naked to avoid wearing the pants. LOL!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

Look when you got your mind right and the person you are suppossed to meet will have their mind right. This ish is predestined to happen.. I know when it was time for me to have a girlfriend a woman would present herself and make all others obsolete.. And I would do the same for her.. the biggest problem we have today is laying blame on everybody but ourselves. We have to get to a point where a person can come on and feed our soul but we will never get there if the void in our soul is not filled with sonething other than a black hole..

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

Lady J

that is my jam!!!!!!

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

FYI, that’s how lil mama got here

PrincessNik –

Uh…you got pregnant after using a condom and only missing ONE pill?

Yeah right…

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
11:39 am

hmmmmmmm it is simple…..

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:39 am

Carlito–you Italian!!! I love Italian food..wait..you Italian and from MN…and your parents own a farm…well who would have thought..come on back in here I need a veggie lasanga recipe..

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
11:40 am

the biggest problem we have today is laying blame on everybody but ourselves.
@DK

Preach bro!

Tazzee - 23 days til Mrs.

April 22nd, 2010
11:41 am

Wow – almost 350 comments and it’s not even noon. I can’t even begin to try to catch up or comment because this successful black woman is leaving work early today to get her marriage license ;-)

Have a great day all!

Simple Man!!!

April 22nd, 2010
11:42 am

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
11:33 am

Sounds like someone is getting luckier by the minute!!!! :0