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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:04 am

@ Professor

I’m drinking water in an effort to keep from eating my lunch early :shock:

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
10:04 am

this blog is str8 bananas this morning

@Lady J!

I agree.. a lot of valid points tho!

glad ur lap is on now!

now go get that A on that paper! :lol:

carmikal

April 22nd, 2010
10:05 am

I just feel that if a woman really wants to have a good man that they should put themselves in atmospheres that will allow them to be seen as there natural self. Go where men go and don’t look for a man specifically but try and understand what attracts a man to that particular venue. Become a curious observer that wants to learn why we enjoy certain things and you might wind up enjoying them yourself. At that moment you will be found and given an opportunity to choose your king.
While my wife has been out of town I’ve been hanging with my boys at some clubs and lounges. I noticed that many sisters in Atlanta like to travel in packs. How many girls night outs can you have in 1 month?? The former beast in me didn’t mind approaching a woman in the midst of a 5 woman band. However, the brother that is generally a good dude seems to have some serious doubts about trying to win attention from 1 beautiful queen with her girls in her ear. Ladies, if you just cut your packs down to you and 1 girlfriend I guarantee that your approach rate from good brothers will increase dramatically!
1 luv Queens and don’t give up on us!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:05 am

@Professor..sorry its Suicide is Painless..lord.but I do remember the first set of lyrics..

Through early morning fog I see..visions of the things to be the pains that are withheld for me,I realize and I can see…That suicide is painless,it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please….dum dumm dumm dumm..

Thats all I remember.. Oh and I think I remember the lyrics to the Facts of Life..

You take the good..you take the bad..you take them both and there you have the facts of life..the facts of life..when the world ..something something about your dreams..then suddenly you figure out the facts of life are all about you. It takes alot to get them right..when you learning the facts of Lifeeeeeee!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
10:05 am

First off let me say this.. You can date outside you race all you want but is that what the discussion is about..

kimmie

April 22nd, 2010
10:05 am

Morning Gang!

All I got to say is my SO looked SO GOOD in martial arts class last night! He is also working out a lot more. He’s already buff with the arms & chest, but he’s working on having a 6-pack in time for the cruise we are going on Labor Day weekend. He’s well on his way.

So you know what that means for me?

That means sister got to step it up! I’m already well on my way, because I’m doing the martial arts too & I wear my Shapeups most every day & walk quite a bit. But I want to get down 1 and a half dress size! I have this orange & red 2-piece swimsuit that looks okay now, but I must look HOT!! And I will.

Gotta tweak my diet a bit too. Not a diet really, but a lifestyle!

SCool – Feel you, by the way. Work on the relationship you have, if you have one, gang! Other folks will be okay, they know what they need to do if they seek a positive love experience.

Serious

April 22nd, 2010
10:06 am

One girl I used to date, now living in TX, sent me some recent pix. Father is black fellow, mom is Nicarauguan…I initially chose her due to her very dark complexion. During one of our recent conversations I told her she needed to visit the tanning bed as she was becoming a little too light skinned.

Jodi

April 22nd, 2010
10:06 am

My solution to this mess is to MOVE out of Atlanta – I think people forget the real statistics of Atlanta.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:06 am

I never could get into MASH

Was it just me or was the theme music to Unsolved Mysteries just creepy!?

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:07 am

Excuse me Melo..but I was born in Atlanta, raised in Atlanta, and now live in McDonough.. so I am failing to understand where I live has anything to do with why I am single?

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:07 am

I wear my Shapeups most every day & walk quite a bit

@ Kimmie

so they really work?

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

You seem to be a well rounded woman that capable of being in a realtionship with a man that has multiple irons in the fire….

SimpleMan – Thank you for the compliment. The good black man I am seeing is a business owner. So I do understand. The good thing is that when it comes to the business and me, he’ll often chose me, and I’ll reassure him that it’s OK for him to handle his business and I’ll be here when he gets done. It’s good for him to know I understand, and it’s good for me to know he WANTS to spend time with me, even when he can’t.

Maybe the women in your life don’t have the chance to show you what their made of cuz you’re too busy shutting them out for your kids. No real woman will want to keep you from them. They will want to walk the journey with you.

And LOL @ the night at Uptown line. You know that’s not what I meant! :lol:

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

Professor!!!….that 9:25 is the truth! ^5 on that all day long.

Did Sue Ellen or her drunk boyfriend shoot J R?

Erica

April 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

I watched last night’s special and was somewhat curious about some of the dialogue and footage that was not on aired. When I get some down time, I plan to watch the whole thing on the Nightline website, so that I can put some of the comments in better context.

This topic came up at a gathering of some friends last week, a lot of whom are in their late 30’s-early/mid 40s and either have never been married or are divorced with/without kids. I think I may have been the only married person in the group and the question came up about how did I manage to find my husband, in my 30s (we’ve been married 6 years, together 8+). The question actually made me really pause and think for a minute. I think the answer is simple and yet complex. I have to admit I had “the list”, and “the list” changed over time as I grew and matured. I think men and women both have to be honest with themselves about core things that they are looking for in a partner and then add the negotiable stuff. For me, it was all about the man’s character, his values, whether family was important, how he treated me, how he treated the people around him. The negotiables were ethnicity, whether or not he had kids, salary…. Ultimately, I ended up with a super nice, sweet guy, whom I love and who loves me and we are the best of friends to boot! The negotiables that he came with, such as a child (from marriage 1), a salary that is somewhat less than mine (but he works like a dog for our family), while at times challenging, are just that- stuff that can be negotiated. And he is not an African American male. But at the end of the day, we’re happy.

Bottom line: Be honest with yourself about the things you absolutely NEED in a partner, and flexible on the extras (whatever they might be). And most of all, if you are a believer, be open to those whom God puts in your path and trust Him to guide you to your partner.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
10:08 am

List of advice for BW according to this blog:

1. Get a Marta card! Marta will take you to your destination it is not Five Points Station it is GET-A-MAN station and the trains leave every 5-7 minutes and you can connect on the East-West line. :grin:

2. Go get a white man, yellow man, green man or a Smurf.

3. Get a job playing less. Yes BW (I am using my preacher’s voice) you all are making too much money with these MBA’s, MD’s PhD’s and GED’s. So get on the front lines of Mickey D’s and hand the corporate job over the BM, and maybe he will pick you.

4. Take your weave out, lose weight (even if you are a size three) forgo that manicure/pedicure, because one of the posters said he saw you at the nail shop.

5. Lastly, tell Delta and Airtran to notify you when a BM is headed to the islands to buy boo-tay, maybe you can give him a flier on the beautiful black woman and he will stay put.

Now, don’t shoot the messenger I am just giving y’all a summary :grin:

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
10:09 am

@Kym

It’s Melo….don’t feed the foolishness. He needs some attention.

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
10:09 am

I get judged by black women all the time for not loving myself or my mother or whatever…so I felt the need to judge the lonely sisters too.

Man, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. But not at all surprised.

Usually I find that the people with the strongest opinions and who are most judgemental about a subject are those with the least experience in life and have never been to other parts of the world.

Mrs. White&Black

April 22nd, 2010
10:10 am

Serious

April 22nd, 2010
9:51 am
Attention successful black women. Successful white male hear and I am looking for YOU!

LinkReport this comment.THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
9:51 am
AHEM… Somebody said ya’ll were looking for me

You guys are too funny!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
10:11 am

Thanks Melo!

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:11 am

@ Kym/Professor

Thank you for being a friend,
Travelled down the road and back again.
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confident.

And if you threw a party-,
Invited everyone you knew-,
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say,
Thank you for being a friend-.

:)

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:12 am

kimmie

April 22nd, 2010
10:12 am

Princess – I LOVE them, yes they work! I notice when I go for awhile without wearing them. They really help you firm up. And you don’t have to just wear them to go walking – wear them anytime you are going to be on your feet for awhile. Whenever I am doing a lot of cooking or housework, I wear them. They feel like clouds on your feet, but they WORK!

I have a beige suede pair, but I might get some black ones or silver/white ones. They have some nice ones for men too – my SO has a black leather pair.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:13 am

Professor,

I need you to come clean up the water you made me spit out LOL

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

Shockingly, this topic is just what I need to encourage me to work through some issues that TheDude and I are dealing with right now.

It is reminding me that I can’t just walk away because things get hard. If I want this relationship to last, I’ve got to stay and do the work.

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

@Professor you forgot the dumb it down part.. you know if you act too smart they run from that too.

DK hurt my feelings yesterday..I was like is complimenting my football knowledge or saying..see that’s the black woman’s problem..knowing too much about football. LOL!!

@Dan I know..but I was like did I miss something now my location is a problem too??

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
10:14 am

Thanks Sassy!

@Serious,

Thanks and you can pass go, but in this game I get the $200. :grin: I forgot to ask your age.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
10:15 am

Excuse me Melo..but I was born in Atlanta

Kym??
i dont understand the qstion..i havent contributed ANYTHING not yet!

Dan..u serious?? what u talking about??

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
10:16 am

It is reminding me that I can’t just walk away because things get hard. If I want this relationship to last, I’ve got to stay and do the work.

Well, Ms. Cool while that is true…that really depends on what the issue is.

Plenty of good men out there…but doesn’t mean you’re compatible with them just cuz they’re good.

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:16 am

Princess that’s the theme from Golden Girls!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
10:16 am

Now seriously.. I have come to the conclusion that women really dont know what they want.. I have dated the gambit and I find alot of successful women are now dating the new Swag dudes.. Dudes that stay at home and cookk and clean for her.. I dont get it.. I think most women want a dude that wears a skirt and will do whatever she needs him to do in order for the relationship to be successful..

Its funny Im reading alot of women saying it aint my fault im single.. Its this its that.. How bout for once… LOOK AT YOU… Really be honest with yourself..

I have also come to the conclusion that most women now a days werent raised to be wives they were raised to live out their Moms missed opportunites..

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
10:17 am

@Kym I knew I was missing something.

@Princess I cannot clean up the water I am busy shaking my head looking crazy singing the “Golden Girls” theme song. :grin:

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:17 am

Kym

ding ding ding LOL,

I love that show, sophia and rose always have me dying laughing.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 22nd, 2010
10:18 am

Was I the only person that became sad when I heard the “Mash” or “Taxi” theme songs

:lol:

Kimmie do the shape ups reallly work? I’m asking b/c I’m contemplating a pair…..also seent a Reebok commercial advertising the same thing.

Tired of BS

April 22nd, 2010
10:19 am

A myriad of answers come to mind as to why black women aren’t married. My first reason is because they are always on their damned cell phones. In the car driving, shopping, at the freakin’ dinner table in a resturant. My next best guess is that the sista’s are trying to pretend they are queens….. ’scuse me….. if you sitting on your butt all day stuffing your pie hole with chips and soda…. you ain’t looking like no queen.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:19 am

Okay Kym

Lets see if you can remember this one

What would you do if I sang out tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
I will try not to sing out of key, yeah
Oh, baby I get by with a little help from my friends
By with a little help from my friends.
All I need is my buddies
By with a little help from my friends
I said I’m gonna get by with a little
By with a little help from my friends
Whoa oh oh oh oh
Said I don’t know if that’s what I’m sure do to, baby
By with a little help from my friends
Said I’m gonna make it with my friends
By with a little help from my friends
Whoa oh I’m gonna keep on trying
By with a little help from my friends
Said I’m gonna keep on trying.

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
10:19 am

“Where are:

DreamsMaterials?
I’m Swiss?
Carlito?
Infamous DK?
Randy T?

I hope somewhere together staging a blog hijack :lol:

Well, you don’t have to ask me twice… Okay — who wants to talk about p-du$$y pleasuring techniques?!?!? Anyone…? Beueller…?

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
10:20 am

ARed – the issues are actually fairly unimportant in the *grand scheme* of things. More like a part of the ebb and flow of relationships. Right now, we are having an *ebb*, but I know the flow is still there.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
10:21 am

See the convo aint about him or her.. Its about you.. If you know you got issues deal with them… Stop putting your career before your fam.. Honestly.. I want a woman that will put her fam first.. I’ll get this money.. I always say.. She’s the Cut Man and Im the Fighter.. All she has to do is stand in the corner and patch me up when the world beats me up to bad.. I dont need her to get out there and throw no bo’s just encourage me to get back out there and fight some more.. Me personally dont want a tag team partner cause I dont ever want to see the world beat her a$$.. I’ll take the beating for us but just make sure I can continue to stay in the fight by being the best CUT Woman you can be..

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
10:21 am

@Swiss..im luving the newbees refreshing angles..thats why im lurking.

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
10:22 am

I’m beginning to see a pattern:

1. Lots of complaining about finding a good man
2. Lots (not all) people still have hang-ups about interracial dating thereby still eliminating more potentially good men
3. Some guys are appearing to be jealous/insecure about suggesting a black woman can date outside her race
4. Some people actually married someone of another race, and are very happy! (oh no, perish the thought!!)

Does that about sum it up? :/

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:22 am

I got one..

Just two good ole boys..never meaning no harm..beats all you ever saw..get in trouble with the law..since the day they were born..

Straighten the curves..flattening the hills..Some days the mountain will get them but the law never will.

Mrs. White&Black

April 22nd, 2010
10:22 am

Dominicans wanting to be lighter..sad but true. Not all of them of course, I’m one of the few that wish they were Darker! No one’s ever satisfied, I know. My mom always wished she was lighter. To me it’s mostly based on the history of race. White is good, black is bad, white is pretty, black is ugly, etc…it’s understandable to me that after hundreds(thousands?) of years of being told that one race is better than the other, one might actually start believing it. I just try to educate ppl(not saying I’m smarter than everyone else, now!) so that not only will all races/ethnicities accept each other but themselves as well.

aileeb

April 22nd, 2010
10:22 am

After reviviewing these comments, Did anyone seem to ask themselves why Nightline aired this program? It is obviously a problem in black society. The topic is this we as black people need to work on our family values and relationships. As our counterparts white people are in more relationships and more family oriented. I think the show was trying to educate us one more time, we are not changing, and I am tired of being of discussion. We need to change, we really do, we need to come together like our President and First Lady, these are people we needed to idol. I must say its sad, to hear this over and over and over again, but we are not doing anything about it and we look like fools. Even if we run to the other race, which black people have been blacklisted because of our attitudes, we will still be the same, Its Within. Look at yourself Men and Women

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
10:23 am

I’m swiss

set it off

Justine

April 22nd, 2010
10:23 am

If white women are having such success with white men then why are almost all of the relationship books writeen by them for them. I have no problem with Black men. I believe there are all types of Black men, good ones, bad ones and some so so ones.

The only major male problem, Black or white, in Atlanta is that a lot of the men are gay and even more are on the down low. Dont get me wrong I have no problem with gays. But that does decrease the available male population.

I agree with the person who said you have to stop looking, manipulating and focusing on getting a man. Too many women want a man to take care of them and fail to realize relationships are 50-50.

In any event there are so great Black men out there. And by the way Iwill never talk bad about Black men as a group. Now I can tell you some individual stories.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
10:23 am

– the issues are actually fairly unimportant in the *grand scheme* of things

Well that’s good. Best wishes.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
10:24 am

I ain’t got no money
I ain’t like those other guys U hang around
It’s kinda funny
But they always seem 2 let U down
And I get discouraged
Cuz I never see U anymore
And I need your love baby, yeah
That’s all I’m living 4, yeah
I didn’t wanna pressure U, baby
But all I ever wanted 2 do…

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
10:24 am

@ Professor,

I an loving you summary list!

@ PrincessNik

The Golden Girls…Fun times fun times

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
10:24 am

Princess I guess ..The Wonder Years..Fred Savage..I thought he was a cute white boy..

G Reon

April 22nd, 2010
10:25 am

From where I’m sitting, the problem with all relationships is both females and males are looking for fame, money and power! The morals and values of all races, male and female have gone out the window! Even those that come to the USA have dumped their country’s standards for the Americian way! Employment status has become the first question out of the average woman’s mouth, “What do you do?” she’ll ask. I feel the answer to that question will qualify or disqualify any man for further conversation. Let’s be real about the issue at hand, if you look at relationships of some celebrities or corporate people that are married to each other, after bring kids into the confines of cruel people in this world, they split and it becomes a money making business, all at the expense of the kids and that in itself is very sad! Ole Joe that works in Home Depot may very well fear dating a T.V. personality that has no problem saying on T.V. that she has considered going snow. I have no problem with that but it may have made Ole Joe feel very uncomfortable knowing he has encountered a chance meeting with such a mentality. The bottom line is we should stop looking for public opinion to approve or disapprove our relationships. Everyone should do what is right and right will follow you all the days of our lives! Ladies, get rid of the fake hair and eyelids, keep your clothes on and accept men for who they are as long as they are not criminals, thugs and gay! Men, we all know what it takes to have a Lady in our lives, do your part! Always accept her as a lady when meeting her, If she shows you she is a woman then set her free! There is no doubt, every female knows the difference between a woman and a lady! Me, I perfer and will always have a LADY!