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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
9:36 am

We have become slaves to the media monster. As we are perpetually connected to outside stimuli in the form of 24 hour news, the internet, reality shows and just bllsht in general, we are told what to think, how to act, what to wear and EVERYTHING is sensationalized to the point of crisis.

Because of this, I have a tendency to sometimes check out on current events. Because while some will argue that if you don’t know what’s going on in the world, you are somehow doing yourself a grave disservice. I can appreciate that sentiment, to a point.

But sometimes, I want to only focus on what is going on in *my* world and my immediate surroundings and it most often has little to do with the *trending topic* of the moment. And that is exactly how I see this current media phenomenon – it’s just a trend. It’s like when *down low* was the hot topic.

Next week, we will be talking about something else.

dee

April 22nd, 2010
9:37 am

This professional woman status needs to evaporate. Our grandmothers and mothers were professional women in their own environment. They reared and raised us.

A degree and job should not totally define us because we are so much more. I have seen some six figure/title promoting friends here get treated like…by husbands and I have seen my friends with highschool diplomas and do not work get treated like queens by their husbands. Yes, their husbands would make you say he’s fine too.

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
9:38 am

“black girls dating a white girl,”

Sorry, meant to say “black girls data a white guy” Oooof!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
9:38 am

LMBAO PK!!!!!!!!!

hotlanta

April 22nd, 2010
9:38 am

W/hy is it the illiusion if a black woman dated a white man she will be treated right. No thank you. I have seen enough Dateline and 20/20 to see that they cheat on their women and murder them as well. Just like a lot of white women are getting their wake up call as well by being with black men. Some of their have the illusion that once a black man meets them they have won the prize. Only to be surprised that the black man is dogging them out as well.

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:39 am

I think it’s time to stage a coup. This topic has been beat to death with no end in sight.

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
9:39 am

WTH is going on up in here folks……..it almost crisis and empidemic mode!

Sexycool media slaves sums it up!!!!

brb lmao

Simple Man!!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:39 am

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
9:27 am

You seem to be a well rounded woman that capable of being in a realtionship with a man that has multiple irons in the fire….I never said that my kids are with me all of the time, but there are some weekends when soccer games will take priority over a night at Uptown… My daughter does gymnastics, and her meets get first dibs. I would love to have a mate that understands that at 42 with children I am not as free as I was at 28 with no kids…There will always be time for adult relationships, but at this point in my life ( and I am sure this applies to alot of other people) compromise and understanding have to be in order.

Coolguy05

April 22nd, 2010
9:40 am

Why are we talking about dating outside of the race when that is not the topic at hand? this is one of the reasons for issues within the black race, we are quick to just wash our hands of it and run to another race citing there are no good black men or women left, and run to any white person that says they will treat us better. As one lady said earlier, that she has problems with men at the clubs, church, or whatever outings her and her 40-50yr old age bracket go to, my response to that is, it cant be everyone, sometime you have to look within yourself and see what it is that you are doing. It is a heck of alot of good black men out here and they are in all age ranges, no matter what white america or Steve Harvey tells you.

Ternt

April 22nd, 2010
9:40 am

White women are better anyway. Ask Sir. Charles and Tiger Woods.

Scooby Snack Jones

April 22nd, 2010
9:40 am

“anonymousella” ha ha ha lmaof!

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:41 am

@Professor..girl one of my quirks..I remember lots of useless facts/figures..I tried out for Jeopardy once. Now ask me what color underwear I am wearing or where my keys are and I will have to go look.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
9:41 am

However……………as long as there are those that are making money off this topic, it will continue to hang around much like a fart in an elevator after the dude with death on his insides has gotten off on his floor.

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
9:42 am

“(Aside: It is hard out here for an atheist.)”

You are not alone, anonymousella… You are not alone… ;-)

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:44 am

This topic (because I am tired of it) gives me random thoughts like:

How many folks in blogville remembers Trapper John, MD?

Who all spoke pig latin in high school, and did you feel bilingual?

Was I the only person that became sad when I heard the “Mash” or “Taxi” theme songs</em?

”If the bird in my hand is worth two in the bushes.” How in the hell did I get a bird in my hand and will it doo-key on me?

What time is lunch, and why am I thinking about it already?

Who all had a “swatch” back in the day?

Am I the only one that thinks about silly ish from time to time :???:

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
9:44 am

Half of the women in the audience were overweight..excessive weave wearing women. If you dont want a partner who has a ” belly” then go to the gym and work on your physique..and there is nothing wrong with a few extensions but allow your natural beauty to show.

:lol: :evil: :roll: :shock: :evil: :lol: :evil:

The Truth

April 22nd, 2010
9:45 am

When a woman is attractive, educated, financially independent and generally successful and STILL single, many of us start to believe that the success is part of the problem. When relationships don’t work out, they automatically go into the “well, he’s just intimidated by my success” routine. The Intimidation Doctrine keeps us looking outward for fault,it relinquishes you of all responsibility.

Maybe its not because you’re successful but perhaps because you wear your success on your sleeve, because you’re arrogant, because you are sure to let a man know in the first conversation that you don’t NEED him or anyone else. In which case, there’s a sale on batteries at your local Walmart…have at it.

Maybe its not because you’re successful, but perhaps because you are arrogant, a know-it-all, a snob or intolerant of others who have taken a different path in life.

Maybe its not because you’re successful, maybe you are a cold bitter b.i.t.c.h who believes the world owes you something. You have worked hard and made it on your own without the help of any man so you don’t want a man thinking he is doing you any favors by his presence and you let him know this as often as possible.

Maybe its not because you’re successful, maybe you have turned into a hardened, disenchanted, cynic who is annoyed that fat broke women with two kids can get a man easier than you. And your anger oozes from your pores.

Maybe its not because you are successful, but because your success is all you have, and you wield it like a sword. You are always looking and waiting for the fight so you can show just how fly you are and how a man should be happy just to have someone like you. You feel you are the only prize in this relationship.

Maybe its not because you’re successful but because you are just tired. Tired of dating, tired of it not working out, tired of the game. Because you’re so tired, you go into potential relationships with little enthusiasm or excitement and you’re just a general drag.

Maybe its not because you are successful but because you are afraid. Afraid to open up, afraid to be vulnerable again, afraid to lay it all out there. You use your success as a shield that you hide behind because you are afraid of being hurt, afraid of change, afraid of letting someone else into your tightly-controlled life. You play the role of successful bad-ass because you are afraid of just being a woman. Sometimes its hard to switch from being the boss all day to being a partner, a friend…Understandable….but, its still your issue.

Maybe its not because you are successful, but because you are closed. Closed to real love because of any combination of the reasons above.
Sometimes men aren’t intimidated by your success, but turned off by what your success has done to you…. type of person it has made you.

Listen to the feedback you’ve gotten, those things you ignored because you thought the guy was just jealous of your success…Just maybe he was telling the truth…maybe he wasn’t intimidated at all. Maybe you are a mean, intolerable arrogant bitch of a woman. It could be that simple.

Now will you meet men who will be insecure with your accomplishments? Maybe…but far fewer than most would have you believe. Start listening and start looking inward at what issues you may be bringing to the table, ways you could possibly be a better partner, lover or friend.
Open your heart and your mind to whoever may come your way. Focus on what you both are bringing to each other’s lives. It’s not a competition. Try being the type of person you are looking for. By no means am I saying settle for less. Keep your standards high, go after the type of life and partner you want. Just make sure your high standards apply to you too.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:46 am

White Engineering Guy- No you did not state that or imply that one for the record.

Wise Diva

April 22nd, 2010
9:46 am

you guys are hilarious! You are on a dating/relationship blog and you think this (relevant?) topic has been beaten to death? LOL Alright, I see your point, to a degree… at the same time, some readers are just now looking at it. Please be patient and we will return to your regularly scheduled blog programming tomorrow. LOL!

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:47 am

@ Professor

Who all spoke pig latin in high school, and did you feel bilingual?

My sister and I still speak pig latin when we don’t want mom or our kids to know our conversation :lol: sad but true

Who all had a “swatch” back in the day?

I did!

Am I the only one that thinks about silly ish from time to time

Heck no!

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
9:47 am

Has anybody considered that what is really at the root of the damn problem is that maintaining successful relationships are phuckn hard? Period?!??!?

Negrodamus

April 22nd, 2010
9:48 am

This is what happens when you focus on being Miss Independent.. Too less wives and too many boss ladies..

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:48 am

@ Professor

I started thinking about lunch an hour ago!!!!!!!!

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:49 am

@Wise Diva

you guys are hilarious! You are on a dating/relationship blog and you think this (relevant?) topic has been beaten to death?

If this topic was ONLY on dating/relationship blogs etc, that would be one thing, but this topic is in national media and its becoming sickening. It is not i repeat NOT an epidemic, and it will be OKAY.

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
9:50 am

Why are we talking about dating outside of the race when that is not the topic at hand?

Because again, it is a potential solution to a problem and related to the topic. If a person repeatedly tries the same thing and it is not working, don’t expect better results.

Why do you have a problem with a black woman considering dating a white guy?

I have seen enough Dateline and 20/20 to see that they [white men] cheat on their women and murder them as well.

It’s silly to make a blanket statement like that. I, like most guys, have never murdered anybody. And I’d not cheat on you and would be really nice to you. Your point is……?

Serious

April 22nd, 2010
9:51 am

Attention successful black women. Successful white male hear and I am looking for YOU!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
9:51 am

AHEM… Somebody said ya’ll were looking for me..

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:51 am

@Professor..no you are not the only one ..cause after the JR comment..I began flipping my ipod for a nice country song..

I remember Trapper John MD..I had a crush on Gonzo

I know the title to the song from M.A.S.H. (Suicide is Fatal)

Robin Williams character from Mork and Mindy started out on Taxi..Jimmy was the only one who saw he was a alien I think.

Lunch is at noon over here..ribs and a salad.

I had a orange swatch watch…that my daddy bought at JCPenny’s outlet..that store has so many happy memories for me.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:52 am

Thanks Princess! Now I don’t feel so silly :grin: Princess, you know Lady J, Kym, yourself and I could easily do a “set it off” on this topic. :grin:

TiffTaff…I was feeling a little greedy, but I am glad I am not the only one thinking about lunch. So, what are you going to eat for lunch today?

Mrs. White&Black

April 22nd, 2010
9:52 am

@White Engineering Guy-you are more or less right as far as races sometimes wanting to but being scared of other ppl’s reactions. It’s happened in my family and with my friends. And btw, thanks for complimenting us Dominican girls (I’m only half, but oh well)!

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
9:53 am

Lady J??

there is a wireless on/off button next to the “on” button on the laptop..well. on some laptopss.

Check to see if that wireless buitton is blue”/ on,that may be the reason why ur wireless aint connecting.

what brand is ur lap?

Open Minded Male

April 22nd, 2010
9:53 am

Not just white and black. Asian, hispanic, middle eastern, indian, native american, eskimo…

All kinds of people have a tough time dating and finding the right person.

I don’t think there is an immutable ideal of what men or women should look like. What is the “in” thing changes over time.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:53 am

you know Lady J, Kym, yourself and I could easily do a “set it off” on this topic

Professor as they say in Houston, ALREADY!

Skegee

April 22nd, 2010
9:54 am

Again, is the issue that these professional black women only want to date *black* men? If so, they are SEVERELY limiting their dating pool. As a happily married black woman married to a white male, I can tell you that: 1) the man you marry is made up of his faith and personality- not his skin color! We’re all God’s children. 2) You’re missing out on a HOST of wonderful, handsome, kind, passionate, interesting men if you’re only looking at one race and 2) white men ARE interested in dating us- they just don’t think we’re interested in them!

If you see that cute white/asian/latino guy in your office, smile and say “Hello!” next time. He might be “Mr. Right”!

Brett Shepherd

April 22nd, 2010
9:55 am

The problem for black women is that they spend too much time wanting to find roughnecks. They pass on the shirt and tie brothers for the other brothers who are too busy trying to be players and ultimately the women are left hanging.
Not only that but when a black woman is making money and has a degree, she is quick to tell a black man how independent she is and if the brother is not making the type of money she is, he will hear about it.
Am I judging all black women, of course not. But as a black man that is married to a white woman(and yes i love my mother and myself), I get judged by black women all the time for not loving myself or my mother or whatever…so I felt the need to judge the lonely sisters too.
Bottom line is this, quit being so damn stuck up and just accept a good man for who he is and not his bank statement. Alot of you are passing up alot of good men just because you see him riding a bus or the MARTA train. Your throwaways have become alot of other ladies treasures.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:55 am

@Serious,

Please answer the following interview questions, before we release you to the BW.

1. How tall are you?

2. When did you start looking for a BW?

3. Have you dated a BW before?

4. Why are you looking for a BW, and not just a woman?

5. What made you make that announcement? Why did you stop dating white women?

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
9:55 am

The Truf??

Preach on buddy,Preach the hell On!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm over it!

April 22nd, 2010
9:55 am

Since when do we stop encouraging people to become educated? Is schooling the ONLY way people become educated? NO! Are people who do have formal education better than those who don’t? NO! DO you have to be educated to make a good husband or wife? NO! HOWEVER….I think when we get to the point where we are saying that a college degree, a master’s degree, etc isn’t important or is a joke is a dangerous place to be in. And 24karatga no its not something that we have to broadcast, but is that not soemthing that we can be proud of? YES I went to college, YES I pledged and YES I have a MASTER’S degree…and to ATLBLKMAN…YES…I serve a GOD who is possible of doing all things!!!!!!
YES I have a good Black Man and Im so thankful that HE found me!!!

this discussion can and probably will go on forever…and really…
…im over it!

bert5200

April 22nd, 2010
9:56 am

OK. I love the emotion in this conversation, but I don’t get it. I know a lot of professional black women who are happily married to professional black men. Most of my friends are married, and those who aren’t are scheduled to do so. So why is this even a topic. I think this is not even a topic about/for African-American women. I think all people are having trouble meeting the right person because many haven’t discovered themselves. Money, careers, cars, titles, and clothes don’t equate to maturity. Stop looking for the man/women with that fake “security package,” and look for someone who is willing to work with you. My wife said the most beautiful thing to me before we got married…..” I have finally figure out this whole love thing……it is about finding the person whom you want to struggle through life with, and that person is you.”

Cutty

April 22nd, 2010
9:56 am

This article in the Washington Post on Tuesday was interesting. SOME black women forgot that manners matter. Just say hello, or thank you when a man holds the door for you still can go a long way.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/19/AR2010041904818.html

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:56 am

Wise Diva

I sure hope you have a doozie in mind for tomorrow to make up for this :shock:

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:57 am

@ Professor

There is a Chick-fil-a Southwest Salad with my name on it. Dang, I can’t wait!!! LOL!

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:57 am

<strong Damn Kym I am so impressed!!! :grin:
No wonder that song mad me sad I would turn the channel or leave the room.

MASON

April 22nd, 2010
9:57 am

Why do rich black men only want beautiful white women?

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
9:57 am

Good morning pple! almost forgot!

Boy,all the single females from decatur,Swats,Conyers and Union city,Jonesboro,norcross are in the house this morn!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
9:59 am

Melo you would kick my but when I just realized that simple fact I almost cussed the sprint guy out over the phone but my co worker spouse came to my rescue and just pressed the button….silly me!!!! how many folk have co worker spouses for 8 hours and he is single too the married ones want full blown affairs NOT!!!!! LMBAO

Melo thanks brother you know I am touched by an angel!

Roz

April 22nd, 2010
10:00 am

Unfornately, we cant move on from this topic because it has large ramifications. We are not marrying for many reasons but mainly because we (men and women) are very selfish and self centered. If we cant have the perfect picture of what TV and Mags tell us we should have then we keep looking for the next best thing.

Meanwhile, our families, children and black culture are dying. We are making babies but we are not building families and legacies. Yes, I am an educated black woman, divorced, 1 child, in a great relationship with a very thoughtful and kind man. No, he is not 6 ft, fine and all that other stuff but he is kind, thoughtful and dependable. While I had to date several guys before I got to this one,none of those guys were bad guys, they just werent the man for me nor was I the woman for them.

Giving up on dating and seeking a positive relationship was never an option for me because I know that this thing is bigger than I. My son needs to see a positive male /female relationship.

We must see the bigger picture here. No, don’t settle but don’t be unrealistic either. Love is not a fairy tale, Love is about committment and service to others.

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
10:00 am

this blog is str8 bananas this morning!!!!! wooooosah!

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
10:02 am

Mrs. White & Black: Thank you for the reply.

Ironically, when I was with the girl in Santiago she commented (like others, as it turns out) she wished she had a lighter skin color. I told her I was amazed to hear it, and I disagreed; I told her it was not her skin color that made me like her, but in fact it actually made her more attractive to me.

Professor:Ok, sorry, not sure who the comment was directed at.

Serious

April 22nd, 2010
10:02 am

1 5/11
2 Years ago
3 Several
4 Im attracted to black women only. They tend to be much more compassionate, passionant, pretty, funny, accepting, open minded…
5 Perhaps there are some sexy black women here to date…wouldnt want to be exclusive. White women, for the most part, are a pain in the ass, its just that simple.

May I pass go and collect my $200? ;)