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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

Fabulosity

April 22nd, 2010
9:01 am

Since moving to Atlanta from the west coast four years ago, I have met three types of women and three types of men: The high-n-mighty, faux Hollywood, “here, let me give you my card” types. The “I’m single and desperate (women)” types, and the few and far in between, down-to-earth folk who just want to have a good time. I run in various circles and I’ve seen more thirsty chics than I care to count in this here city. These are the women who are “degreed-up” and will fix a man, any man, up for the sake of proclaiming “I have a man!” I’ve met the high maintenance chics who won’t settle for less than a baller, but chances are this baller they’re after is faking the funk like everyone else. As someone who is from the real-deal Hollywood, it saddened me to get to the south and see the comfort and hospitality that it’s lauded for nearly non existent. I suppose we transplants are to blame.

I’m thankful to have a good man. A good, black man. :-) And if it’s not meant for us to be together til the end of our days I’m confident that there’s someone else out there who can provide what I seek in a companion. I’m not afraid of being single; I was for many years with no problem. I understand that nobody wants to be alone, but for many of us, it really isn’t an issue. If you lead a fulfilling life you’re never really alone anyway. So spare this successful, black woman the woe is me diatribe. I’m good :-)

Open Minded Male

April 22nd, 2010
9:01 am

Professor:
I’m interested because I think that people of all kinds get stuck thinking “in a rut.” And when you’re in a rut, you hit the same problems over and over. Just trying to contribute my two-cents. That’s all! :)

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:02 am

The ability to compromise is a strength not a weakness

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
9:03 am

but often get dimissed by these ‘high quailty” women because I place my children and their needs first in my life….

You’d probably have a problem if you came 2nd or 3rd in her life… perhaps try to find a better balance. Not saying you need to neglect your children.

Fabulosity

April 22nd, 2010
9:03 am

I felt compelled to post this as well. I love how Jam Donaldson summed up this topic. PLEASE check it out, hopefully it will survive the blog monster: http://www.conversateisnotaword.com/?s=he%27s+not+intimidated

making moves

April 22nd, 2010
9:04 am

Good morning all… I was not even aware that this was on the air last night. I am actually glad I didn’t know about. Frankly, I am sick and tired about hearing how hard it is for a black woman much less a successful black women to find a man.

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:06 am

I didn’t watch because I feel like my girlfriend’s and I have already exhausted this topic. I have learned that as a single woman here in Atlanta, success is a relative term. For me, it means that you have set goals for yourself and that you have accomplished them. Now it’s up to me to determine if those goals fit into my life style and the things that I deem important.

I feel like ppl keep talking about this topic without offering up any solutions, myself included. I just don’t know where to begin.

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
9:07 am

that leads to doom and gloom in the lives of so many professional women I will play into the sterotype of bad attitude and bitter sister.

Why would you choose to be bitter and with a bad attitude? How does this help anything?

Sorry but this bitter, bad attitude is precisely why I wouldn’t say hello and ask you out for dinner sometime. Why would I? Why would I want to deal with a women who gives appearances that she doesn’t want to be bothered, when there are nice girls out there somewhere?

When what you’re doing isn’t working, you have change what you’re doing. Otherwise, generally expect the same results.

hrw

April 22nd, 2010
9:07 am

This subject touched off a fire-cracker in women and men opinions. This subject should never come up because opinions are very well debated and there is no way to solve this issue. Mr. Harper, Harvey Reed etc., all have their own opinions but these are merely self-imposed upon thousands who watched this program. It is good to have successful women,men as well…what is the big problem is accepting the honest facts that there are good black men/women within these United States; being on top or having this and that has not accomplished anything because you can’t take none of this material things with you to your grave. If we are not honest with ourselves as human beings successful or not; we really are not looking for a black man. I read the word “Diva,” those who claim they they are divas are fooling themselves because everybody is looked as a man or woman regardless how successful you are or no matter who you are, you are still looked on as a woman/man you might have money but you money is he same as everybody else. Let’s stop fooling ourselves, we live in a world that has fooled all of us into thinking we are better than the other; and we are not! You can claim to be a Diva, or a playboy, but you are still searching or looking for some type of happiness. The successful black woman really is not looking for a black man because she is afraid she will lose what she has worked hard for so many years and she is afraid of losing it in a relationship be it marriage or some other ways. That is my account of this whole thing, and Steve Harvey needs to (really) shut his mouth because he is not perfect nor is he right on many subject; he just got people thinking he is better than other by him being involved in nos many things; he has many of you fooled. He has some things about himself that he needs to really work on. I hears he use God so many times on his show, and yet, he stand on stage and cuss, say all sort of things to those in the facilities he perform in. He is a two-face person using God/and cussing at the same time!

Artful Persuasion

April 22nd, 2010
9:07 am

COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!

Black women are pilloried to the point of absurdity. “Professional black women find it hard to find professional black men with whom to form a relationship and ultimately marry.” That sounds like a problem with black men, not black women. Black men should think more along the lines of educating themselves at higher rates instead of just sitting around “dreaming” about becoming some sort of fantastic entertainer or sports player. Ten million men vying for those positions, ten positions available. Puh-leeze! (Disclaimer: This statement does NOT form a blanket over all black men.)

I can’t think of one professional black woman who wasn’t raised by her mother to “have her own.” This advice comes from generations of black women who endured abuse and financial neglect from men who did one or multiple of the following: 1. spend the family money to take care of other women 2. create other children outside of the marriage 3. physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse his significant other 4. downright neglect to take care of the family at all. Through these types of phenomena, black mothers and grandmothers talked to their daughters and granddaughters and told them to prepare themselves professionally and financially so they wouldn’t become victims of these types of abuses. Black women have changed for the better. We’re not going back. Too many black men have not changed for the better; ergo, when black men and women do marry, and the men commit these abuses, black women PFD (Prepare for Divorce). (Note: PFD begins when the pleading ends.)

Too many black men find themselves among undesirable statistics such as high school drop out rates, incarceration rates, chronically unemployment rates, etc….Now are these items endemic of all black men? NO…..There are also black women who are extremely trifling. To black men, though, these women are Kryptonite. Black men don’t want trifling black women either unless of course the black men are just like them. (In those cases that’s what we biblically deem…”Equally Yoked”).

Although this may sound facetious, the only women who get a free pass to marry a professional black without the benefit of a degree are white nannies, strippers, waitresses and bartenders. Think of all the professional black men who are married to black women. Aren’t all the black women professionals also? Now think of the professional black men who are married to white women. “Dey gone gimme some cute chillun.” (Not always brotha).

Black women: Keep your heads up! Keep making progress! Keep your standards! And most importantly…Keep your sanity! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being beautiful, smart, vivacious, articulate, grounded, and well-rounded. And by all means…find yourself a man who appreciates you…Appreciation has no color limitations! (Of course now….ain’t nuthin’ wrong with those fine Puerto Rican brothas out there working hard and whispering a few sweet nothings in Spanish in your ears…See…..Um Yeah!)

Tootles

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:09 am

**Sigh** Someone come get me when we get back on football or sex or any other topic but this..I am really not in for a bash the black woman session today.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:09 am

Black women: Keep your heads up! Keep making progress! Keep your standards! And most importantly…Keep your sanity! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being beautiful, smart, vivacious, articulate, grounded, and well-rounded. And by all means…find yourself a man who appreciates you…

AMEN!

Now passing the plate to the right

24karatga

April 22nd, 2010
9:09 am

OKay ATLBLKMAN..you are on point !! I agree with you and I am a southern lady and I love to eat ” good” food…But I work it off. Most of those women in the audience were overweight and ” dolled” up. Fake nails, eyelashes..18 inch weaves cmon…
I think women now boast too much…No one cares that you have a Master’s Degree who doesn’t now…It does not matter, no need to broadcast it. There are many younger black men who are not in college.. but are they marriage material anyway- they are out their having “fun”. I tell every guy I meet..yes I went to college , no I didn’t pledge..no need to say oh this and that…especialy in the initial conversation. If we get to know each other eventually you will see this information from being around each other.
Whew…Steve please stop fooling ppl! I blame it on Essence Magazine !!

Lady J-Streaming Live Now-Cool, Calm & Collected! LOL

April 22nd, 2010
9:09 am

Professor you are starting early with the jokes!!!! LOL I am good now just having technical difficulties!!!!! LOL (New Laptop a sistah don’t know how to act and I am not shame to say wireless connectivity is NEW to me) HA! LOL

PK awwwwww you will be a proud monny when you see your lil angel compete!!!! Enjoy that game!!! :)

24karatga

April 22nd, 2010
9:12 am

@ Artful..yes mamm..there are some “dreamers”.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2010
9:13 am

Dirty Censor Word for the week – “Successful Black Woman.”

MorePreciousThanRubies

April 22nd, 2010
9:14 am

I feel that the show did NOT touch on several areas of why the marriage rate is so low in the black community. I feel that a lot black men DO NOT VALUE MARRIAGE. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 that “a man who finds a wife finds a GOOD THING and has FAVOR with the Lord.” I think most black men have never heard this scripture and if they have heard it then they do NOT believe it. I see black women everywhere who want to get married but the men do not want to get married. I feel that most black men do not want to live a GODLY LIFESTYLE within the confines of marriage. Why have one woman for 50+ years when they can have 20 different ones every week??? I think that the “sexual revolution of the 60s” and pre-marital sex has got us to this place where black men don’t want to marry. If every woman refused to have sex until marriage then men everywhere would be “jumping the broom!!!” But if I tell a man that I want to wait until marriage to have sex—he does not care—he just moves on to the next 15 women who will and he totally disregards me and my desires. And maybe the decline in marriage is just the scriptures coming true. 1st Timothy 4:3 says that in the final days people will “forbid to marry.”

Simple Man!!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:14 am

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
9:03 am

While I understand your point, I can’t agree…. Why would a women ever want to deal with a man that does not value his children first and formost???? I am curious as to how women respond when men expect them to take time away from the children to do things with them?

Fabulosity

April 22nd, 2010
9:16 am

“Black women need to do what black men are doing; date outside of the race. There are not enough black men for every black woman. It’s just that simple. Enough of these waste of time forums on the obvious.”

Yeah, and then there’s this. While I agree with your notion that black women should expand their options, it’s such a simplistic, and in my opinion, unrealistic solution. Black women are loyal creatures. Besides Asian men, we are least likely to date outside of our race.

Black men receive advances by women of all races. They know this, and use it to their advantage. The reasons vary, but this is an area black men of different statures are having success with. These women are willing to be disowned by their families in the name of love (or good sex, whatever have you). If we can be honest for just a moment, black women by and large are not having the same “luck” with non-black men. At least not on the scale that black men are having with non-black women.

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:16 am

Simple Man!!! Money is not a measure of success to me. I applaud you for putting you children first. My problem with your situation is that if I didn’t come into the relationship with kids I don’t want you to either. What if I don’t want children? That doesn’t make me picky, that just means you’re not the one for me.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:17 am

Some White men want to date Black women but they feel they might get rejected if they approach them.

On the flip side of that, as stated here on this very blog by a white man. Many white men are looking for the AA experience to check off their list

@ Open Minded Male- Hmmm I would say as a BW I don’t feel that I am stuck in a rut, however I don’t speak for my entire race or gender. Nor would I expect you to speak on behalf of all white men. However I feel this is something that the media has done, and has little to do with the BW.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:17 am

@Simple Man!!

I am curious as to how women respond when men expect them to take time away from the children to do things with them?

perhaps you should go back to the topic from the other day “single parent dating” a lot was covered from both sides of this coin.

Fabulosity

April 22nd, 2010
9:17 am

How many non-black men consider black women the standard of beauty, or even desirable? Hell some of our own men would leap over 5 beautiful sisters in favor of the average-looking “other” chic.

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:18 am

PrincessNik @ 9:09, You said it!!!!

Poor people stink

April 22nd, 2010
9:19 am

Black women can’t find a black man b/c black men are too busy chasing fat red headed white women.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:20 am

Tiff Taff

I was just repeating what Artful Persuasion said, cause it sure needed repeating.

Fabulosity

April 22nd, 2010
9:20 am

BeBeKid@ 8:51- don’t forget sex trips to Brazil and the Dominican Republic… to feel like a king. You are spot on, though.

Ricky

April 22nd, 2010
9:21 am

I notice people love to quote the “a man who findeth a wife” scripture as they use that to tell women they should NOT LOOK for a man. That scripture didn’t say men should look for a wife either. We have made relationships and seeking relationships OUR GOD, our FALSE IDOL…and God does not like that. Then one will say, “if you do not look, you cannot find” and that is absolutely FALSE. You can NOT be looking for money but you often have found a quarter, a dollar bill [once I actually found 75 bucks in the street, kid you not] – I was NOT LOOKING but I did find it.

So people should just really leave the scripture alone because I believe they have it misconstrued like they do so many other things in life.

Matt

April 22nd, 2010
9:23 am

Good everyonemorning,

First of all let me start by saying that I did not seen the special last night, I think that everyone needs to take a step back and realize that we are living in different times as were our parents. I think that it is hard to find a mate or that someone special in your life when you have been grinding trying to make a decent living with the cost of living skyrocketing. I am behind women being independant, but where in life is the rule stating that everone has to be married or that black women are desperate to get married I know some women would like to be in that position. I have been in the ATL for 16 years now, and I am single with no children and never been married and that is do to me trying to make a good living for myself and maybe this is what some of these women have been doing also. Everyone has advice and their opinion about what is or isn’t, the bottom line is you will me who is for you when it is time for them too. Grown folks don’t really hang out or run the streets so it will be hard pressed to meet some quality folks, but they do exists. I hope we all just relax on the on the pressure of relationships.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
9:23 am

Simple Man – Again, I never said that you should be neglecting your children. I said you need to look for balance. If she is always coming in 2nd to your kids, why would she be there? You should just stay single if your kids will always be the main priority. Why even have seek a mate?

Mrs. White&Black

April 22nd, 2010
9:25 am

I’m a biracial hispanic and my husband is black, been together for about 12yrs with 2boys and we’re still happy, fortunately. I have a degree he does not. What brought us together was conversation. I admit I judged him at first but once we started talking I realized how much we had in common and we just got closer and closer and here we are.I think everyone has to be open-minded just like the poster said. Please remember that race is merely a social construct and it should not be a barrier to finding happiness. I feel that as long as a man or woman love/respect each other and do not take advantage of each other, it doesn’t matter what tax bracket he/she is in or what race/ethnicity they are.

Open Minded Male

April 22nd, 2010
9:25 am

Professor:
I don’t think YOU are stuck in a rut! Sorry if what I said came off that way. I’m just saying people in general (all kinds of people) should keep an open mind.
Stereotypes are bad. Segregation is bad. It shouldn’t be tolerated.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:25 am

The reason this topic is getting old especially on the AJC blog:

1. Trolls and riff raff are coming out in record numbers.
2. It gives the impression that the BW is one lonely creature and her lack of a mate will drive the race to extinction.
3. It gives an excuse for those like tmac, and other weaklings to name call and degrade the black woman.
4. Who the hell cares? I am a BW and I don’t care this is not an epidemic!
5. This topic shows that journalism is lacking and new ideas for stories are at an all time low.

Now, who shot JR?

jackie

April 22nd, 2010
9:26 am

I think the shows are old news. We don’t need Sheree, Jackie, or Steve telling us what we already know. People or getting married and are in committed relationships outside of Atlanta. Ladies re-evaluate should you stay here or leave. Yes,leave the life-style and re-establish it somewhere else and snag the Hubby too. I am planning my move with son in tow. I deserve it and I am worthy. There’s more to this world than the ATL.

LivingWellDCH

April 22nd, 2010
9:27 am

[where's my original post?] It said…As a Black woman, a physician and an author, I was most disappointed with your treatment of the Black woman Nightline. See below–what I posted to the Atlanta newspaper’s online blog. That show was was ridiculous. It made a mockery of a serious discussion. First of all, Steve Harvey is not an “expert” on [whatever he self-appointed himself to be an expert on--male relationships/male psyche?]. Secondly, there were a few comedians gabbing and also, for “Nightline”–a NEWS program–to do such a poor, light treatment was journalistically lacking. IF they were only going to show a 30 minute segment, it should have highlighted pertinent facts and stats, not what they showed, which was almost minstrel.And that “israel” guy (who wrote the Denzel principle”) is part of the issue: he’s on a national news program and he shows up dressed like a hoodrat. Who wants a “man” who dresses like that or doesn’t have the sense to at least put on a sports coat and nice slacks?Terrible treatment and journalistically useless waste of air time. More later. This topic will be better explored in Living Well Despite Catchin’ Hell…an upcoming book that REALLY deals with all of Black women’s concerns–health and social issues. And celebrates how many Black women ARE living well, in spite of… Written by same author of the previous AJC article “Single and looking beats empty marriage.”As a 50+ Black women–now engaged to be married [yippee!!]–it is an important topic; too bad ABC News [likely] gave in to Harvey and gave it such a BET-like treatment for all the world to see.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:27 am

Now, who shot JR?

please fan me i feel faint :lol: :lol: :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
9:27 am

I am curious as to how women respond when men expect them to take time away from the children to do things with them?

Simple Man, no parent can be with their children 100% of the time anyway. What do you think married couples do? Only spend time with each other when the kids are asleep or in school? No. You have to make time to keep your marriage strong.

You, in essence, are preparing your kids to move out and be productive citizens in the world. You taking time to cultivate a relationship that will last after they are gone is no crime.

Now if you don’t have custody, there is no problem in dating while you aren’t with your children. But even when you are with them, they will get to a point where they’ll be old enough to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around their every movement. Daddy needs a life too.

Kym--Happy Earth Day!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:28 am

@Professor I am loving your list lately..dead on!!! Oh by the way.. Sue Ellen’s sister..Kristen shot JR.

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
9:29 am

Yeah, I’m kinda watching it now….

But the D will reserve comment until the foolishness ends. Cause the D don’t do foolishness.

Newbie

April 22nd, 2010
9:29 am

I think the show did not get to the root cause of the problem. I think it was more of a comedy show than dialogue. I really wanted to hear Hill Harper speak about why he’s an older accomplished black man that isn’t married – what is his side of the story. I’m tired of hearing from women. Clearly, sometimes we need to be quiet and let men tell us how they feel and stop telling them how they should feel.
As a single black woman who has set goals and accomplished them, I only desire a good man with values that align with mine. Someone who fears God, has integrity and is trustworthy. I don’t have a problem dating outside my race but I have not been approached by men of other races so what am i to do?

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:29 am

Open Minded I agree stereotypes are bad.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:29 am

@Professor I am loving your list lately..dead on!!!

Professor/Kym i gotta agree!

Simple Man!!!

April 22nd, 2010
9:30 am

TiffTaff

April 22nd, 2010
9:16 am

I completely understand your position….The “instant family” thing is not for everybody. I happen to not view my situation like that as I am not a primary custodian. But this is the type of conversation that I would love tohave over dinner as part of the getting to know someone phase…But alas, on too many occasions “the list” prevents this converstion from ever happening.

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:30 am

I really wanted to hear Hill Harper speak about why he’s an older accomplished black man that isn’t married – what is his side of the story.

@Newbie, i think you can find that answer in his book “The Conversation”

EleKKKKtra

April 22nd, 2010
9:31 am

I am a single black women with two children ages 14yrs and 2yrs old. I am a successful black woman who has no trouble finding good men. Believing the contrary is simply something that people set up in their minds. Some of us are single because we are selective and are not always compatible with the men we meet, not because there aren’t any good men out here. I have found that men love my confidence and intelligence. If a man can’t appreciate your mind, you don’t need him anyway, because he is definitely on your level.

Professor

April 22nd, 2010
9:31 am

Thanks Kym BTW I been to Dallas, TX to the home where Dallas was filmed and I still didn’t know who shot him until now! :grin:

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:32 am

As a single black woman who has set goals and accomplished them, I only desire a good man with values that align with mine.

Isn’t that what its all about? :idea:

meekmeek

April 22nd, 2010
9:33 am

I am sick to death of this tired topic of the sucessful single black woman and why she isnt married or in a relationship. What does being sucessful have to do with being in a relationship with someone????? The whole aspect of dating within itself is a single and separate topic and shouldnt be co-mingled with your career. I believe that dating and relationships deal with indiviual personalities and morals. We should all strive to do our best in life and for many of us that may lead to different life paths…. with or without a partner. I am also tired of all the life advice on how to get a man, there are more important things in life to focus on then rather or not Im doing the right things the catch a man. Can we please just move on….

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
9:34 am

Where are:

DreamsMaterials?
I’m Swiss?
Carlito?
Infamous DK?
Randy T?

I hope somewhere together staging a blog hijack :lol:

White Engineering Guy

April 22nd, 2010
9:36 am

On the flip side of that, as stated here on this very blog by a white man. Many white men are looking for the AA experience to check off their list:

I don’t think I saw anyone explicitly state they wanted to have a black experience to “check off of their list” and certainly it was not me, nor implied by me.

..don’t forget sex trips to Brazil and the Dominican Republic… to feel like a king.

This is a fact, and does happen. I have seen the Canadian, European, and USA guys in Colombia, the DR, etc. out for meeting the “working girls.”

In Colombia, I asked some girls about why they weren’t being openly friendly with the foreign guys, and they told be they didn’t wan’t others to think they were “working girls” also, as so many Italian, American, Canadian, etc. guys were there for the prostitutes.

(Colombia has a pretty good racial mix of people of different colors, and every shade in between).

However, like a lot of other guys with good intentions, I have been to the Dominican Republic to get to know a nice & pretty respectful latina woman. I knew one in Santiago, and it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Very romantic girls! Sexy, too.

How many non-black men consider black women the standard of beauty, or even desirable?

Yes, I agree, I feel you are right. It is too bad, too. I’m originally from a small town, where blacks & whites would not accept a black girls dating a white girl, and vice versa.

I grew up to be open-minded now but honestly some of the absolutely most beautiful women I’ve ever seen were either American black ladies or Dominican, etc. And I don’t mean “supermodel” types, just really sexy respectable girls who look fantastic in jeans and a blouse, with nice hair.

Oooh! Yeah… :)

Unfortunately a lot of guys my age and social class/background simply are not open-minded about it and that right there is a whole ‘nother subject.

I will say 25% of it might be because of fear of getting a hard time from: 1. The family, 2. friends, 3. other black people. I’m not sure, maybe someone could comment…please.