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Reaction to the ‘Nightline’ debate on successful black women’s romantic woes

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Sherri Shepard (left) and VH1 star Jacque Reid represented for the ladies on ABC ‘Nightlline: Face-Off” debate, ‘Why can't a successful black woman find a man?’, It was taped earlier this month (April 2010) in Decatur, Ga (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

I hoped you watched ABC’s Nightline last night! I always find it fascinating how much production goes into a piece that airs. Of course, they have to edit a great deal but I think they highlighted the key points of the discussion!  The debate that aired last night hit on a couple of interesting points.

I recall Hill Harper saying that 95% of professional women want the top 5% of men who they see as their counterparts.  I have my oh so brilliant Love Squad on deck to answer our own face-off questions:

Is it a misconception that Atlanta women are looking for highly educated, successful men?  Or is there a grain of truth to this? Considering the many single professional black women I know and meet in the city,  I honestly can not think of many that only date corporate/executive, pro ball players. What do you think?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

“I’ve seen a plethora of women that seek that prototypical man–the baller, the pro player, the actor, singer, etc… I’ve had conversations with these “tangibly” driven women.  Sherri underscored this point, from the other side when she mentioned the man at Home Depot whom didn’t call her back because she was on TV–he didn’t want to deal with the things he perceived come along with the entertainment personalities. As a woman, I feel her on that. At the end of the day, I’ll subscribe to the cliché: I just want a good man. A man that I can first trust at ALL times, not just when he’s behaving well. A man that extends himself, is open to learning new things and is willing to compromise. A man that goes to God for answers and not his single boys that can potentially lead him in the wrong direction (because we all know men are just as vulnerable as women are!)

Craig T. Taylor, 34.  Sandy Springs, GA. Occupation: Founder and Editorial Director of Indakno.com, LLC.

Women should not be looking for a man.  That is where they fail.  Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22.  Just make yourself available as a woman and the right man will find you.  Position is relative. I think women just generally want a “good man”.  Loyal, honest, respectful, responsible, passionate, and loves God.  What else can you ask for in a “good man”.  If a man has these traits, it does not matter if he is making 25k or 125k.  He will always be doing the BEST that he can and trying to do better.  Any person that is looking for someone to match them equally is looking for a boring relationship and may as well be with themselves.  It does not take two corporate executives to have a successful relationship.  It takes two people who love, respect, and has an undeniable passion about each other to make it work.

Dr. Tartt responds to my Love Squad question: Do you believe there are special hurdles Atlanta professionals face in finding a partner?

Your turn to weigh in my insightful readers: Professional Atlanta singles certainly enjoy the good life, but have we lost sight of what is truly important like family, raising healthy children, and building good relationships?

925 comments Add your comment

Logic

April 22nd, 2010
2:29 pm

@ “A smart man WANTS a smart woman. Ask Stedman.” – Keep believing that if you want to but most guys will tell you that is not anywhere near the top of the hierachy of what a man requires from a girl. Yes a girl who is bright, articulate, etc. is a plus but no more than a plus of a girl being attractive and athletic. Guys look for compatibility and someone who allows them to be a man and most importantly feel like THE MAN around his lady regardless of physical, finacnial, or educational status. NO MAN wants to have his worth determined by the forementioned factors especially from his lady. If she is really loyal and committed to her man than she will find a way (along with him) to work out thier issues/situations/problems without making him feel less than a man or even inferior to her and anybody else for that matter!! This is what I man who wants a healthy committed relationship looks for. Please feel free to ask around and comment.

Kym--Black Single Woman Outlaw...

April 22nd, 2010
2:29 pm

Lord its like the song that never ends..

DreamsMaterialize

April 22nd, 2010
2:29 pm

Everybody I know, whether coupled up or not, is too busy living to sit around and watch a bunch of bitter folks beyotch!
You’re right about that. That’s why they didn’t have any real scholars on there. It’s hard for me to watch nonsense, and there’s so much of it on tv.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:29 pm

Were any people on that panel currently married?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA THE GOD OF WAR

April 22nd, 2010
2:30 pm

d!ck ridin at its finest..

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
2:31 pm

Logic I agree…

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
2:31 pm

I don’t know how he’s doing with that goal tho

@Ared??

thats a pertinent qstion to ask really.

A seemingly well put together dude saying he cant or hasnt found a good AA woman to date…..not marry, but date?? and u 35+?

Pleeeeease!

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:31 pm

Amazon, my sister sent me Steve Harvey’s book. When I was reading it Mase flipped thru it and said “this ain’t nothing new. You are living this everyday already”. LOL I told him to stop tooting his own horn. That’s my job. LOL

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 22nd, 2010
2:31 pm

Logic, are you a man or a woman?

(lol)

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:33 pm

That’s why they didn’t have any real scholars on there.

DreamsMat, that celebrity panel was to draw the audience. LOL

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 22nd, 2010
2:33 pm

Carlito/Raqi – Hill got CLOBBERED on Jeopardy by Doogie Houser dude. I mean, it was not even close!!!

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:34 pm

I am going to be flipping channels, between the draft and Survivor.

Logic, nice post. The only flaw I see is where you typed that a woman who “ALLOWS” him to be a man and “FEEL” like a man. IMO a woman has nothing to do with that. She can speak to his manhood, but all of that other stuff is within a real man himself.

DreamsMaterialize

April 22nd, 2010
2:34 pm

DreamsMat, that celebrity panel was to draw the audience. LOL
If you were verbalizing this, would there be sarcastic emphasis placed on the word “celebrity”? lol

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:35 pm

Carlito, I knew he was short. I can tell that from many movies I have seen him in. So far to me the best thing he has done to date is CSI: NY and I never watch that. LOL

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
2:36 pm

“Swiss, great way to die.”

Indeed… :-D

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:36 pm

Raqi, when Julia and I saw Hill Harper on Celebrity Jeopardy. She was surprised at how short and “different” looking he was.

He is shorter than I’d like, but he looks just like he does on TV. His intelligence makes him sexy though. I’d hit it! :lol:

i'm swiss

April 22nd, 2010
2:37 pm

“I told him to stop tooting his own horn. That’s my job.”

Just make sure you have your inhaler handy… Oh wait, that’s BlackMagic… My bad… ;-) :lol:

Logic

April 22nd, 2010
2:37 pm

@ Kimmie – LOL im a man. Im a young professional, currently single, and not looking for but always looking out for a good relationship if that makes sense lol.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:38 pm

Amazon, my sister sent me Steve Harvey’s book. When I was reading it Mase flipped thru it and said “this ain’t nothing new. You are living this everyday already”.

:lol: That’s what I liked about the book, the simplicity. I also like how he stressed that you won’t run a good man off by asking the questions you’re supposed to ask.

Just a good reminder for folks. We ultimately settle back in our ways but nothing wrong with a reminder to keep the game tight. It’s just a runaway train now tho. :lol:

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:38 pm

kimmie, I saw him on that show. First he looked like he was about to cry, then he tried to make a mockery of it after he realized that everyone else was smarter than he was. Oddly enough, that same night In To Deep came on. The movie with he and LL Cool J in it. He had blond hair in his role, yep he is gay.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
2:38 pm

THE MAN around his lady regardless of physical, finacnial, or educational status.

@Logic??

compatibility=check

physical attraction=check

minimum educational requirements=check

financial consideration= no check

She may be coming from a rich fam or poor fam if her value sysyetem fits in with mine,she can read and wriote to the level im comfotable with,her physique is on point to me and her sex game is check..we on.

I dont get the financial part!??

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:39 pm

Carlito, I knew he was short. I can tell that from many movies I have seen him in. So far to me the best thing he has done to date is CSI: NY and I never watch that. LOL

I fell in love with him and my favorite white boy, Paul Walker, during this movie called “The Skulls.” I don’t think I’ve watched Hill in anything else since then. :lol: I don’t watch any of the CSI’s either.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:39 pm

LMBO DreamsMat. Those were folks that could not be scarred too badly by agreeing to do it yet known well enough to draw and audience.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:40 pm

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
2:40 pm

I have a friend who is obsessed with Hill Harper, she went to the Delta National Convention a couple years ago and got to meet him and have him autograph her copy of his book, that’s all she talked about for the longest time. :lol:

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
2:40 pm

you won’t run a good man off by asking the questions you’re supposed to ask. ………hmmmmmm a welcomed thought!

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:41 pm

Why does Paul Walker have to be labeled a “white boy” LOL…..just joking

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:41 pm

Gouda!!!! (SMACK)

:lol:

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 22nd, 2010
2:42 pm

Logic – Don’t mind me, I was just trying to stir up some mess,lol, cause i’m sick of 2 things:

#1 – This subject
#2 – Folks trying to tell folk, especially men trying to tell women, what they NEED to be doing. Whatever won’t work for you might be the cat’s meow to someone else. So everyone should just be the best ME they can BE & LIGHTEN UP!!!

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
2:42 pm

PK I am buying his book and my reservations about him are dying down but I ain’t doing the HH bandwagon per se….lol….I feel he does have something worthwhile to say…….lol

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:42 pm

Why does Paul Walker have to be labeled a “white boy” LOL…..just joking

Cuz I said so!!!

He is yummy!

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:43 pm

you won’t run a good man off by asking the questions you’re supposed to ask

Let the church say Yay-men.

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:44 pm

AmazonRed, LOL

PrincessNik

April 22nd, 2010
2:44 pm

Lady J

don’t get me wrong i’m not on the HH bandwagon, i did enjoy that book though

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:44 pm

Why does Paul Walker have to be labeled a “white boy”

Because he is???

Luvbug

April 22nd, 2010
2:44 pm

I’m familiar with his (Hill Harper’s) persona, but even after hearing/seeing him in a few interviews, I cant make out what his personality is like. Maybe he’s a nice guy. I can’t tell.

kimmie-livin my golden life

April 22nd, 2010
2:46 pm

First he looked like he was about to cry,

Carlito, I thought it was just me!LOL!!! Poor thing!

I’m not gonna lie, I used to have a little crush on him cause of the smarts. He’s okay with me, seems like an upstanding brother.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:46 pm

Kimmie, as long folks keep buying the books and watching the specials it is going to keep right on going.

Although I wanted to watch it I find it kinda strange that the only slot they could get for the program was near midnight. LOL I guess they had to wait for all the good shows to go off so that folks would not be distracted by actual good entertainment.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:47 pm

A seemingly well put together dude saying he cant or hasnt found a good AA woman to date…..not marry, but date?? and u 35+?

I think Hill’s problem, which is something I’ve seen other black men think…is that when they get good and ready at 35+ to marry, they think they can just *snap* their fingers and find the “perfect” woman to settle down with.

My problem is that, yes, you can probably find some girl to marry you, but they one you dismissed back when you were 25 could have been the one that was really for you. Not saying you couldn’t be happy with the one you end up with tho…

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2010
2:47 pm

Because he is???

:lol:

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
2:48 pm

@Kimmie

Who better to tell a woman about a man – than a man? Your homegirl don’t know isht, about being a man; no woman does. <– bad logic

Believe me, when I have questions about women or a woman, I don't call my homeboy's, I call another woman. Who incidently, always says "ask her, I don't know."

Lady J-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

April 22nd, 2010
2:48 pm

I know Pk……lol

Don’t stop for nobody
This time I’ll keep my feet on solid ground
Now I understand myself when I’m down
Like the sweet sound of hip music
There’ll always be something new
To keep the tables turning
Hey this super song
There’ll never be an ending

And the beat goes on
Just like my love everlasting
And the beat goes on
Still moving strong on and on (the beat goes on) on, …

Carlito

April 22nd, 2010
2:48 pm

Raqi, I am giving up comedy and sticking to engineering. You missed the joke. I am just not funny. LOL

Kimmie, it was sad, I wanted him to win. When it came on I told Julia that Hill was going to crush his opponents. A few minutes later I saw the largest negative amount I have ever seen on the show. LOL I had to eat crow.

Logic

April 22nd, 2010
2:48 pm

@ Carlito, Oh I feel you. Let me rephrase that I see where that could be misinterpreted. Its not the womans JOB to make a man be a man or even feel like a man. It is the support factor that is the really major here. A man has to be a man first in order to be respected as a man. A good partner for a man is a woman who know’s, understands, and embraces that. No man wants to be in a relationship where he is his own sole support in maiting his Manhood. A supportive woman who respects and also demands him to be A MAN is being that good partner who in essense helps and allows him to evolve and reach his full potential. In know way am I saying that is her JOB but I am saying that I can see no way a man would want to stick around a woman who didnt. Men are emotional creatures just like women and we respond to our feelings just like women. More times than not the way someone makes the other feel is the most dominant factor in thier relationship. Just my thoughts though….

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:49 pm

Carlito, maybe I missed the joke.

Luvbug

April 22nd, 2010
2:50 pm

Melo – You’ve dated a poor girl/woman before?

Dan

April 22nd, 2010
2:50 pm

But there’s a part (watching the special now) where Hill Harper gets to talking about how he and Sherri had met in a taco bell one time. Both were struggling and she “didn’t want a man without a car. [she] can ride the bus by herself.” The exchange ended with him referring to his “potential”. Hilarious.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2010
2:51 pm

Carlito, how long have you and Julia been together?

Don’t get alarmed, I am not leading to anything, just asking?

DreamsMaterialize

April 22nd, 2010
2:51 pm

I feel he does have something worthwhile to say
We all do. We should publish a blog book.

Melo

April 22nd, 2010
2:52 pm

they think they can just *snap* their fingers and find the “perfect” woman to settle down with.

@Ared??

from what u have heard of him or what he says,does he have a playa record,like Harvey or does he have regrets on women he let slip by back in the day??