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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

‘Nightline’ looks at successful black women’s relationship struggles

Photo: ABC/Guy D'Alema

See tonight's show, then discuss it on my follow-up blog Thursday morning. (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

You will definitely want to watch, record, or hold a viewing party for “Nightline Face-Off” on ABC, airing tonight at 11:35 p.m.  The hot topic on the debate table was why successful black women can’t get a man. Not only was the debate taped locally in Decatur earlier this month, yours truly was there to witness it all!  That’s right, people, the relationship revolution will be televised…tonight on ABC!

The debate moderators included author and radio host Steve Harvey and Nightline’s Vicki Mabrey.  The lively and decidedly entertaining panelists included CSI star, Hill Harper, journalist/VH1 star Jacque Reid, Comedian and ‘The View’ panelist Sherri Shepherd and author Jimi Izrael. Atlanta’s own Dr. Tartt (and Misadventures in Atlanta guest blogger!) was featured as an audience guest panelist as well, as was soon to be published author, Helena Andrews. Andrews is the author of an upcoming memoir that will include stories about her “crazy dating trials and triumphs in Washington, D.C.

As I sat in the audience, I found the dialogue to be honest and intense at times. Thankfully, there was also a great deal of laughter and fun.  I actually came away with, dare I say, more hope?  I was happy this town hall debate afforded me a chance to recruit a new Love Squad panel. I pitched them a couple of questions that came to mind from the face-off.  Let’s meet them and hear what they had to say!

What are the hurdles professional black women face when fishing in a relatively small dating pond? Do you think these hurdles are more difficult in Atlanta or easier to overcome?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

I could totally relate to Bren: “Discerning a man’s intent and genuine interest has been a problem.  I attribute that to having entirely too many options and ultimately, a lack of preparedness to settle down. Coming from DC, where the ratio of black men to black women isn’t half as bad as it is in Atlanta, dating here seems much more obscure and a ‘game’ of sorts. There are so many women here, men have taken the liberty in being dishonest, driven by their ulterior motives or just immaturity.

Kenneth 35, Atlanta. Education: Currently in graduate school.  Occupation: Consultant, Minister, Relationship Coach.

Kenneth believes that the many hurdles successful black women face are complex. They include:  media influence; misconception that men are intimidated by them;  a misunderstanding of their relationship value. He mused, “Professional black women may encounter greater distractions in Atlanta than other cities, but this can be attributed to the social competition and materialism that exists.

Allen, 27, Lilburn. Education: College Degree.  Occupation: Business Analyst

When I think about the topic of dating/marriage in the educated black community, I just wonder if we can ever go back to our traditional roles.  A lot of my friends and I want a woman that has aspirations to be a good homemaker as well as a career woman. We also don’t think that the educated successful women enjoy being in a submissive role.

I think our love squad raised some wonderful points! Some things I hadn’t though about. Do you agree or disagree with them? How would you answer the panel questions?

Rodney Ho, Sherri Shepherd discuss her ‘Nightline’ experience in his Radio & TV Talk blog

559 comments Add your comment

PrincessNik

April 21st, 2010
2:28 pm

@Dig lemme guess you a season ticket holder?

I really wanna see the bucs when they come, i’m hoping we have a better, more productive season sheesh.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:29 pm

Infamous, I do. Maybe because it is off season and they won the Super Bowl?

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:30 pm

i’m guessing most are probably no older than early 30s. learning how to give and take and work together to keep it working just takes time.

@CzBrat??

now thats mature for a change!

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:30 pm

i’m guessing most are probably no older than early 30s. learning how to give and take and work together to keep it working just takes time.

@CzBrat??

now thats mature for a change!

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:30 pm

Melo,

Under the NFL conduct policy, he can be suspended. They players union and the league came up with it.

It isn’t fair to his teammates, that they have to deal with his lameness.

When you hear the news, they don’t just say Ben Roethlisberger is being investigated for sexual assault. They always say Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger is being investigated for sexual assault. At that point, it reflect upon the league and the Rooneys.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:30 pm

Ben will be in trouble again, he thinks he can keep getting away with it.

AmazonRed™

April 21st, 2010
2:31 pm

melo – Need an answer to my 2:23

Lady J-day dreaming

April 21st, 2010
2:31 pm

DreamsM to the rescue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! Thanks Buddy!!!!!! LOL HMMMMMMM GOOOOOO FALCONS!!!!!!! Think I will watch the NFL station tonigh and catch an old game!!!! The NBA is draining and somewhat melodramatic these days! LOL Need some hard action! LOL

Leggs

April 21st, 2010
2:31 pm

@czB ~ you have mail.

Lady J-day dreaming

April 21st, 2010
2:31 pm

Carlito agree so agree your 230 is on the money!

Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!

April 21st, 2010
2:32 pm

@Melo the policy is personal conduct in other words..STAY YOUR TAIL OUT OF TROUBLE AND OFF THE SIX OCLOCK NEWS BECAUSE OF BS..FOOLISHNESS!!

@Carlito..I told ya…they loco Fakecons fan

@DK..its nice you live in that Dream world..do ya’ll have cookies over there?

Yeah they wanted to trade Ben for the top pick but no takers..I know Mike T..is not please with his bs..and frankly I am not either…time out for the dumb dumb..get right or get left on the bench.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:32 pm

Leggs, hello. How are you? :)

Raqi

April 21st, 2010
2:32 pm

well i AM all that! my daddy told me so

czBrat, no matter what my parents told me I know right now that I am nothing but a load of crap, that’s why imma pick up some Activia while I am out.

Luvbug

April 21st, 2010
2:33 pm

Just thinking back…I’ve never had or witnessed a discussion about this issue and walked away feeling better…the same for other issues in the black community.

I don’t feel bad that I’m single, although I get the impression that I should. I guess that chapter will always be open…until I am no longer single and people completely change their impression of my worth and act like I’ve been “approved” for “something or another”.

I don’t feel that I’m personally contributing in a bad way to other critical problems in the black community, although I get the impression that I should. So far, I’ve avoided trying to produce a family I couldn’t afford. I’ve avoided living outside of my means. I’ve avoided intentionally hurting people. I’ve avoided (declined) opportunities to manipulate and get over on people. I’ve helped people in need (I’m sure I can do more of that).

As a human, I think I’ve done pretty well so far. I’m not sure why I’m supposed to feel so bad about being black or female or single or not wealthy.

Jeesh. I’m tired of being eyeballed for just existing.

End of rant.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:34 pm

Raqi, are you drunk or on veggies today? LOL

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:34 pm

The girls word? Physical evidence? Eyewitness reports?

Ared??

I will take all that as a combo if u like!

It was not able to stand legal scrutiny,no wonder the case wldnt move frward!

Lady J-don't be a fool again!:)

April 21st, 2010
2:35 pm

Lady J-don't be a fool again!:)

April 21st, 2010
2:35 pm

oh well my other post disappeared….sigh! LOL

Leggs

April 21st, 2010
2:35 pm

@Carlito ~ Ben will be humbled very soon just like MVick has been humbled, just like TWoods appear to have been humbled…he hasn’t come across that one thing that truly alters his career!

Lady J-don't be a fool again!:)

April 21st, 2010
2:36 pm

DreamsM thanks for the spirits!!!!!

Lady J-don't be a fool again!:)

April 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

leggs I agree! Bigger than life one can’t be…..it is a balance with all aspects and being aware of self and self harm is a must….

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

Kym

No, Ben will not be traded. Championship QBs are too few. Joe Montana is one of only two QBs to win two rings with one team and go somewhere else.

Has as many rings by himself as Brett Farve and Peyton Manning combined.

Raqi

April 21st, 2010
2:37 pm

LOL Carlito, neither. Actually I am writing out a list for the grocery store and I read czBrat’s comment and remembered that I wanted to get some Activia. I know, TMI. LOL

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:38 pm

Melo, I think him not being charged was more political driven and the fact of who he was. If they would have pressed charges. Then the bar owner would be in trouble for having underage girls getting drunk, the police would be for not properly handling the investigation. If it had been anyone other player who was not the face of the NFL he would be on the way to jail right now.

AmazonRed™

April 21st, 2010
2:38 pm

I will take all that as a combo if u like!

Well, you can have all that, because that’s what’s out there.

You fail to remember that many of these cases come down to $$$. Ben has more money to make him look like a choir boy. The town can’t take the risk of going bankrupt trying to fight it.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:40 pm

Lady J, you are blogging like Confucious :)

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:40 pm

Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!

April 21st, 2010
2:40 pm

@PoppaG..he just irks me! Joker..I want to slap him upside his metal plated head and say Get right joker..you think Hines would do it for me? Right on the sweet spot. I am going to get Hines jersey this season and I guess a Troy P for my son. Poor fellow he is wearing a Bengals jersey now(I know Poppa I know..don’t say nothing about your Bungals either..)

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:42 pm

Melo…

You don’t have to be convicted or even charged with a crime to violate the conduct policy.

The players agreed to it, so they must follow it. Goodell looks like the bad guy because Paul Tagliabue (the last commish) didn’t care too much as long as the NFL continued to make money.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:42 pm

Baseball is wrong – man with four balls cannot walk.

Dig That

April 21st, 2010
2:42 pm

@Leggs- You are right. These athletes are learning very real lessons these days. Humble pie.

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:42 pm

The town can’t take the risk of going bankrupt trying to fight it.

Ared??

remember we still in america..capitalism rules.

theyre taking lobbyists dollars on capitol hill but they aint calling it corruption! :lol:

If u wanna press charges,be prepared!

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:43 pm

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:44 pm

Kym

you must address them correctly…

NFL North Division Champion Cincinnati Bengals.

They let it all hang out….as Chad Johnson showed… :lol:

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:45 pm

Then the bar owner would be in trouble for having underage girls getting drunk

@Carlito??

in fact u very wrong.

If the case had been more about an underage girl being with Ben,that wld have been a stronger case actually.

The only evidence required wld have been her birth certificate and thats it.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:47 pm

Kym

Hines isn’t happy at all. He hates having to ask questions about Ben’s actions in every interview that he has done for the last month or so. So, I’m sure that he has or will speak to him. After all, a QB has to get some work in with his WRs.

He wasn’t happy about Santonio either.

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:48 pm

and I guess a Troy P for my son

@Kym??

dont get him a Troy Polly jersey!

She_man must have some hidden scandals sme where,trust me! :lol: :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 21st, 2010
2:48 pm

Carlito – Fair weather fans that live where you live cause theyre not allowed to live where Falcon Fans live. We group all you new B00TYS together somewhere and let ya’ll do ya’ll..

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
2:48 pm

Melo, I am talking about the underage patrons drinking alcohol. She was old enough for sex, legally.

Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!

April 21st, 2010
2:49 pm

@Poppa…yall beat us once in like what..100 games..let it go man let it go!!! LOL!!

AmazonRed™

April 21st, 2010
2:50 pm

In reading the topic title today, how come there is no focus on hood rat’s relationship struggles? :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 21st, 2010
2:50 pm

Kym – I loathe you around football season.. I really do.. Because you talk mess and actually know what youre talking about.. I loathe you.. Too bad youre not a Falcon fan and its so sad you roll with Bums..

PrincessNik

April 21st, 2010
2:51 pm

Poppa G

My brother is a diehard Bengals fan living in Falcon land. LOL some chick took him to a game when they played the Chargers in San Diego i was like wow she trying to hook you for real. :shock:

Dan

April 21st, 2010
2:51 pm

Did anyone else notice that a certain newspaper put Hines Ward name in it when the story broke?

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 21st, 2010
2:52 pm

I don’t feel bad that I’m single, although I get the impression that I should. I guess that chapter will always be open…until

Luvbug ^5 on that 2:33. I get that whenever I go home to visit my fam…it’s like they look down on me ’cause I’m 30+ with no children. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard “Well whatchu waitin on gurl?” when it came to that I could quit working(and stay home n clean n bake n darn socks n shyt…lol). What I find funny is that they keep asking me when I’m gonna have some babies but NOT when I’m getting married(they’re single mothers,too mind you)…so now when they ask me what I’m waiting for I tell them a husband and that ends that discussion.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
2:52 pm

Once that bar taped over the video from that night, they really lost the ability to bring a case. Everything else was circumstantial evidence. He said, she said stuff was all that was left. There was no other physical evidence back either sides claims.

Tazzee - 24 days til Mrs.

April 21st, 2010
2:53 pm

Carlito – you know you can ride out on that horse you rode in on…. *talking about my Falcons I’m used to Kym. AND you’re a Vikings fan?!?!? The Vikings that gave the NFC Championship game to the freaking Saints?!?!? Yeah, I don’t like you anymore…

I was at the Hawks game last night looking for the NFL schedule. Now I can schedule my Fall. I’m going to try to make all Division games this year again.

Lady J-day dreaming

April 21st, 2010
2:53 pm

Carlito I may have to agree! Awareness and the good do exist and I am finding myself wanting to advocate for awareness long term….thanks sir! lol

AmazonRed™

April 21st, 2010
2:53 pm

What I find funny is that they keep asking me when I’m gonna have some babies but NOT when I’m getting married

:? That’s just sad.

Melo

April 21st, 2010
2:53 pm

In reading the topic title today, how come there is no focus on hood rat’s relationship struggles??

Ared??

I think coz ur girl werent here today to represent! :lol: :lol: