‘Nightline’ looks at successful black women’s relationship struggles
See tonight's show, then discuss it on my follow-up blog Thursday morning. (ABC/Guy D'Alema)
You will definitely want to watch, record, or hold a viewing party for “Nightline Face-Off” on ABC, airing tonight at 11:35 p.m. The hot topic on the debate table was why successful black women can’t get a man. Not only was the debate taped locally in Decatur earlier this month, yours truly was there to witness it all! That’s right, people, the relationship revolution will be televised…tonight on ABC!
The debate moderators included author and radio host Steve Harvey and Nightline’s Vicki Mabrey. The lively and decidedly entertaining panelists included CSI star, Hill Harper, journalist/VH1 star Jacque Reid, Comedian and ‘The View’ panelist Sherri Shepherd and author Jimi Izrael. Atlanta’s own Dr. Tartt (and Misadventures in Atlanta guest blogger!) was featured as an audience guest panelist as well, as was soon to be published author, Helena Andrews. Andrews is the author of an upcoming memoir that will include stories about her “crazy dating trials and triumphs in Washington, D.C.
As I sat in the audience, I found the dialogue to be honest and intense at times. Thankfully, there was also a great deal of laughter and fun. I actually came away with, dare I say, more hope? I was happy this town hall debate afforded me a chance to recruit a new Love Squad panel. I pitched them a couple of questions that came to mind from the face-off. Let’s meet them and hear what they had to say!
What are the hurdles professional black women face when fishing in a relatively small dating pond? Do you think these hurdles are more difficult in Atlanta or easier to overcome?
Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education: Post-Graduate. Industry: Entertainment
I could totally relate to Bren: “Discerning a man’s intent and genuine interest has been a problem. I attribute that to having entirely too many options and ultimately, a lack of preparedness to settle down. Coming from DC, where the ratio of black men to black women isn’t half as bad as it is in Atlanta, dating here seems much more obscure and a ‘game’ of sorts. There are so many women here, men have taken the liberty in being dishonest, driven by their ulterior motives or just immaturity.
Kenneth 35, Atlanta. Education: Currently in graduate school. Occupation: Consultant, Minister, Relationship Coach.
Kenneth believes that the many hurdles successful black women face are complex. They include: media influence; misconception that men are intimidated by them; a misunderstanding of their relationship value. He mused, “Professional black women may encounter greater distractions in Atlanta than other cities, but this can be attributed to the social competition and materialism that exists.
Allen, 27, Lilburn. Education: College Degree. Occupation: Business Analyst
When I think about the topic of dating/marriage in the educated black community, I just wonder if we can ever go back to our traditional roles. A lot of my friends and I want a woman that has aspirations to be a good homemaker as well as a career woman. We also don’t think that the educated successful women enjoy being in a submissive role.
I think our love squad raised some wonderful points! Some things I hadn’t though about. Do you agree or disagree with them? How would you answer the panel questions?
Rodney Ho, Sherri Shepherd discuss her ‘Nightline’ experience in his Radio & TV Talk blog
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559 comments Add your comment
kimmie
April 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Dig – What’s shakin’, good to read ya!!!
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Oh…and tilling ain’ that hard if the ground has been prepared properly.
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
1:35 pm
Swiss, LOL. I lost it when I read “token”
Kym--Didn't realize my life was that bad..Thank you Steve Harvey!
April 21st, 2010
1:37 pm
Nobody knows..the trouble I see..nobody knows my sorrow…or wait I have a better one than that..
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
1:37 pm
I am supposed to be going to Sears but you all got me stuck here LMBO.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:37 pm
If you love someone you should want to take care of them
in some way. Make it easier on them and not just have love bs in words
so does this not apply to the man as well?
Dig That
April 21st, 2010
1:38 pm
kimmie- I’m good babe. Took a little trip to Cali for a couple weeks.
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
1:39 pm
I am confused, are there men who do not want to take care of their woman? Are their women who do not want to take care of their man? If you are happy and you know it clap your hands……..
clap clap.
Melo
April 21st, 2010
1:40 pm
And most times people are single for good reason.
@Dig??
so this blog must be renamed,Sme wrong with Our@@A$$es Blog!
Dig That
April 21st, 2010
1:40 pm
so does this not apply to the man as well?
@Princess- First off hello. And second it applies to man and woman. That is the only way it will work. I’m curious why you asked that though
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
1:42 pm
Big Ben only got suspended for 6 games, he will have plenty of time to rock out with his cock out even more now.
AmazonRed™
April 21st, 2010
1:44 pm
I was invited to be part of the audience for this show, I declined. It was on a Friday night. Either I could sit around on a Friday evening and talk about the “problem” or I could go out and LIVE LIFE and be part of the solution.
I chose the solution and had a grand ole time.
I’ll be out again tonight, so it’s not on my list of things to watch either.
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
1:45 pm
One other thing that I want to say about the *successful* of it all. Everybody – male and female – that are subscribing to a certain definition of the word do not qualify.
Belieiving your own *press* about the level of your success can be a dangerous and/or unfortunate thing when misidentified.
Cliff notes version: Summa y’all ain’t all that.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:45 pm
Hey Dig,
if you reference Chris’s original post it is quite onesided IMO and seems that only the man is entitled to this from his woman.
Luvbug
April 21st, 2010
1:47 pm
Dang SexyCool. Now I have go back and read the posts about success.
Kym--Didn't realize my life was that bad..Thank you Steve Harvey!
April 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
Carlito..I think that is more than fair..cause he got two passes for stupid behavior before..I am trying to figure out how I am going to this opening game at Heinz field so I can see the Steel Curtain crush these Atlanta Fakecons.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
Cliff notes version: Summa y’all ain’t all that.
kimmie
April 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
I’ll be out again tonight, so it’s not on my list of things to watch either.
Amred – Me either. I’m going to martial arts tonight. My boo is possibly going to be testing for his black belt in June! Me & the kids will test for it by the end of the year. Yay!
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
1:48 pm
preach sexycool!~
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:50 pm
so this blog must be renamed,Sme wrong with Our@@A$$es Blog!
LOL!!!!!
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
1:51 pm
You know reciprocity can come in many different forms other than services and deeds rendered. Plastic, metal, stones, brick, linen, cotton, leather. LOL
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:51 pm
I’m going to martial arts tonight. My boo is possibly going to be testing for his black belt in June! Me & the kids will test for it by the end of the year. Yay!
awwwww
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
1:52 pm
Summa y’all ain’t all that
SexyCool, that would be me. I am just a po little black gurl making it with a po black man. LOL
Professor
April 21st, 2010
1:53 pm
Hey Dig That
Hmm I am going to say this on the success portion. While a person’s success may not appear all that looking in. We don’t know what their story is and where they came from. If you lived in a prison cell for 10 years a studio apartment is going to seem plush.
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
1:54 pm
tryin’ to ma $1 of of $.15………a dime and a nickle! LOL
but $3 and 6 dimes will suffice too! Ha! LMAO!
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:54 pm
lady J
my theme song for this week is John Legend “so high”
ahhhhhhh
Kym--Didn't realize my life was that bad..Thank you Steve Harvey!
April 21st, 2010
1:54 pm
@kimmie Now after yall get all these belts and stuff..can ya’ll two go ahead and give us another blog wedding..we already had a blog baby..maybe two if PoppaG and Tazzee get right(I AM KIDDING)!!!
Tazzee - 24 days til Mrs.
April 21st, 2010
1:54 pm
Wow – Chris is a trip. I hope he finds what he’s looking for – unless he’s in a relationship already.
In all my dating years, I’ve never dated a man that made more than me. And I’ve dated some pretty successful men – salaries were nothing to sneeze at, just less than mine.
I’ve met some really nice guys that would be considered good men, but they didn’t want to be married. I think a man has to want to be married to be considered ‘marriage material’ – but that’s just me. So I see where Kimmie is coming from. *yeah, I’m late*
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
1:55 pm
PK we are here!!!!!! the blog bar needs to open! Texas margarita is what I want!!!!!
PK besides Kem I love me some John Legend!!!!
I am chasing a natrual high currently….
Mo (aka Moeisha )
April 21st, 2010
1:55 pm
Alright party people, Im out!! Thanks for the laughs cause lawd knows ya’ll been on it today!!
Peep ya tomorrow!
Dig That
April 21st, 2010
1:56 pm
@Melo
I know this girl that is always talking about the dating scene is this and that and she can’t find a man and blah blah. She gets pissed at me everytime. Pretty girl. Got great curves and all, but I always wind up telling her why she doesn’t have a man. She is a brat. Selfish. Combative. Self Centered and judgemental more than anyone I have ever met. After dudes hit da booty, who wants to sit around with that crap the rest of the time
kimmie
April 21st, 2010
1:56 pm
Kym – Bet! Yall will be amongst the first to know!
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
1:57 pm
DreamsM, can you slide Lady J and I two Texas Margarita’s, I want mine frozen and follow it closely with a Long Island
Ya got me up so high, my shoes are scraping the sky ooohhhh whooo ohhhh
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
1:57 pm
If you lived in a prison cell for 10 years a studio apartment is going to seem plush.
That reminds me, I need to pick up some paper towel drapes to match the new crate chairs that I just got for our cardboard box cottage.
Tazzee - 24 days til Mrs.
April 21st, 2010
1:59 pm
Kym – I got my blog Babee
Dig That
April 21st, 2010
1:59 pm
Hey Professor. What’s shaking?
@Princess- I figured I missed something. That didn’t really sound like something you just be saying all willy nilly
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
1:59 pm
I agree that reciprocity does not always come back in the exact form that it left.
What is most important is that you are getting it on a level that meets your requirements in that relationship and that you understand that certain cycles of life may result in it being onesided at times.
Goodsmack01
April 21st, 2010
2:00 pm
I like and agree with Allen’s response. Most men, successful men, want a woman of olde, to settle down with. Someone who still believes in taking care of her family and is also career minded. And also able to be submissive in the sense of not trying to make all of the decisions without “any” input and independent of the male. These types of men are the ones who want to be the bread winner and care the most about the welfare of their family and who will be involved in the lives of their children and supportive of their wife. These are the types of men that women say they want. The catch 22 is, those same women will not for the life of them accept a lesser status or role. They perceive it somehow lessens who they are and balk at the idea of and subsequently end up a single parent. God made man to be the head within the body of Christ. Most women just don’t like the idea or concept that GOD created and put in place, which has resulted in present circumstances for which our society finds itself.
Melo
April 21st, 2010
2:01 pm
After dudes hit da booty, who wants to sit around with that crap the rest of the time
@Dig!??
ogghh yeah!
see,thats the thing..u cant say u wont cook but then u be yepping all the damnn time and ur salad aint all that either.
Some gotta give!
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
2:02 pm
Dig,
yea, i mean i believe it works both ways, but that wasn’t how it was presented. SMH
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
2:03 pm
Kym, the Falcons are a joke.
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
2:03 pm
So have we moved on? Carlito the Steelers are trying to trade Ben ..dang it now I have to get two new jerseys..this is why you never get jersey for QB’s those jokers…
Professor
April 21st, 2010
2:03 pm
Raqi,
While you picking up your list of BS. Please remember this there is always someone ahead and behind each of us. Needless to say it is not wise to say someone is not all that especially when you don’t know what hurdles were jumped to get where they are.
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
2:03 pm
Kym
.I am trying to figure out how I am going to this opening game at Heinz field so I can see the Steel Curtain crush these Atlanta Fakecons.
Ben has a conditional suspension that can be shortened to 4 games. So, it may not last the whole 6 games.
As for beating the Falcons, I think that it will be harder for Pittsburgh th an it seems. It looks like it will be either Dennis Dixon, Charlie Batch or Byron Leftwich running that offense. The best thing for Pittsburgh is that they have all summer to prepare. “Fast” Willie Parker is now a Washington Redskin. Santonio Holmes is a suspended NY Jet.
Tomlin addressed the team yesterday and told the players “To get in line or we will kick you out of line!”
As much as I hate to admit it, I think that the Falcons will do well with their schedule.
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
2:05 pm
Carlito
I am a Raiders fan, but I will be the first to admit that the Raiders are wayyyy more of a joke than the Falcons, right now.
AmazonRed™
April 21st, 2010
2:06 pm
I am a Raiders fan, but I will be the first to admit that the Raiders are wayyyy more of a joke than the Falcons, right now.
This Raiders fan must co-sign.
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
2:06 pm
Prof – I’m not talking about succes as defined by an individual as it relates to the circumstances of their beginnings. I agree that depending on the environment or background that a person has overcome, things that most take for granted can be a very real measure of success for some people.
I am referring to the definition of success that has to do with materialism and as is most often defined by society or by some entity outside of who you are as a person.
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
2:07 pm
Professor, What? Are you implying that I was wrong to say that I am not all that? I don’t recall typing anyone else’s name but mine.
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
2:07 pm
PK that is a major high!!!!!! LMAO!!!!! A magarita and a long island that’s the night there a shot of patron I will sleep like a baby! LOL
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
2:07 pm
@Carlito..while I welcome your Fakecons comment..you might want to stand about six feet to the right of me..cause these folks..love themselves some Falcons..I think I get away with it cause I been here awhile..although I am an Atlanta native..never liked the Falcons..you new around here..so..Duck!!!