accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

‘Nightline’ looks at successful black women’s relationship struggles

Photo: ABC/Guy D'Alema

See tonight's show, then discuss it on my follow-up blog Thursday morning. (ABC/Guy D'Alema)

You will definitely want to watch, record, or hold a viewing party for “Nightline Face-Off” on ABC, airing tonight at 11:35 p.m.  The hot topic on the debate table was why successful black women can’t get a man. Not only was the debate taped locally in Decatur earlier this month, yours truly was there to witness it all!  That’s right, people, the relationship revolution will be televised…tonight on ABC!

The debate moderators included author and radio host Steve Harvey and Nightline’s Vicki Mabrey.  The lively and decidedly entertaining panelists included CSI star, Hill Harper, journalist/VH1 star Jacque Reid, Comedian and ‘The View’ panelist Sherri Shepherd and author Jimi Izrael. Atlanta’s own Dr. Tartt (and Misadventures in Atlanta guest blogger!) was featured as an audience guest panelist as well, as was soon to be published author, Helena Andrews. Andrews is the author of an upcoming memoir that will include stories about her “crazy dating trials and triumphs in Washington, D.C.

As I sat in the audience, I found the dialogue to be honest and intense at times. Thankfully, there was also a great deal of laughter and fun.  I actually came away with, dare I say, more hope?  I was happy this town hall debate afforded me a chance to recruit a new Love Squad panel. I pitched them a couple of questions that came to mind from the face-off.  Let’s meet them and hear what they had to say!

What are the hurdles professional black women face when fishing in a relatively small dating pond? Do you think these hurdles are more difficult in Atlanta or easier to overcome?

Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education:  Post-Graduate.  Industry: Entertainment

I could totally relate to Bren: “Discerning a man’s intent and genuine interest has been a problem.  I attribute that to having entirely too many options and ultimately, a lack of preparedness to settle down. Coming from DC, where the ratio of black men to black women isn’t half as bad as it is in Atlanta, dating here seems much more obscure and a ‘game’ of sorts. There are so many women here, men have taken the liberty in being dishonest, driven by their ulterior motives or just immaturity.

Kenneth 35, Atlanta. Education: Currently in graduate school.  Occupation: Consultant, Minister, Relationship Coach.

Kenneth believes that the many hurdles successful black women face are complex. They include:  media influence; misconception that men are intimidated by them;  a misunderstanding of their relationship value. He mused, “Professional black women may encounter greater distractions in Atlanta than other cities, but this can be attributed to the social competition and materialism that exists.

Allen, 27, Lilburn. Education: College Degree.  Occupation: Business Analyst

When I think about the topic of dating/marriage in the educated black community, I just wonder if we can ever go back to our traditional roles.  A lot of my friends and I want a woman that has aspirations to be a good homemaker as well as a career woman. We also don’t think that the educated successful women enjoy being in a submissive role.

I think our love squad raised some wonderful points! Some things I hadn’t though about. Do you agree or disagree with them? How would you answer the panel questions?

Rodney Ho, Sherri Shepherd discuss her ‘Nightline’ experience in his Radio & TV Talk blog

559 comments Add your comment

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
3:33 pm

Poppa, Al is a rebel without a cause and to much money. LOL

PrincessNik

April 21st, 2010
3:35 pm

I’m outta here ya’ll

Have a Wonderful Wednesday Evening!

czBrat

April 21st, 2010
3:35 pm

@CzBrat??

now thats mature for a change! Melo, bite me!

HiYa Leggs!! i’ll check it in a minute (or forward it to me at work cuz i’m at my desk … can’t open yahoo here)

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
3:38 pm

DK…I don’t hate the Falcons… I didn’t like Rankin Smith that much…making demands for a new stadium (or you will go to Jacksonville) when you can’t win crap.

Charles Dimry should give Jerry Rice’s HOF speech..because he made Jerry Rice a HOFer in one day. 5 TD in one day really?!

Let’s not forget June Jones, Jeff George fighting on the sideline.

However, I think there is finally some stability with that team. I can wish them well, for the most part.

DreamsMaterialize

April 21st, 2010
3:46 pm

there aren’t any. lol. they have all settled in my eyes.
Or maybe, just maybe, some of them are happy and understand some fundamental things about relationships that we haven’t figured out yet.

On the Vikings/Falcons issue, I’ve got to say that I couldn’t help but go for the Vikings in the NFC championship against Atlanta. I’m not really a fan of either, but Dennis Green, Randall C, Robert Smith, Chris Carter, Randy Moss was a combo you just HAD to like.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
3:49 pm

is it jus me or were they play’n NBA street ball? they were kinda rough out there.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
3:49 pm

Carlito

I have a ton of friends that are Georgia Bulldogs, and they have introduced me to Fran Tarkenton. He was fairly cool, but seemed a little like a grumpy old man at times. Especially when he talked about how things were for his NFL days and how they are now.

Also, Bryant McKinnie is a huge human being. We are both 6ft 8in, but he has nearly 70lbs on me. I am 263 lb. He is a heck of an OT. I told him that he can play for the Raiders anytime.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
3:50 pm

@Dreams
you may be right babe.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:01 pm

Poppa, I am really not in to college sports except baseball.

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:02 pm

Selling pot: a (primary?) second job for some!!

(some headline) :lol:

who knew!!?? :lol:

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:06 pm

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:08 pm

I aint gon tell u where i saw that coz i dont wanna be an accessory to a crime in case some of uall give that info to Ray Ray and hes caught,using that info! :lol: :lol:

but the info is very valuable depending on who is reading..

any pot_entrepeneuars in here?? :lol:

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:09 pm

“How to Be a Weed Dealer

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:10 pm

Most dealers today like to keep their inventories lean

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:10 pm

gonna be rock’n CARL THOMAS for the rest of the afternoon. please join me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=DGxg9l3vmV4&feature=related

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:11 pm

“whole purchasing chain needs to be littered with professionals—not slackers.”

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:11 pm

Fran Takenton is a HOF QB that played for the Vikings. He led the Vikings to 3 Superbowls. He lost them all. He was a Georgia Bulldog in college.

czBrat

April 21st, 2010
4:12 pm

Poppa, I am really not in to college sports except baseball ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
i’m just messing with you Carlito. but seriously, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ :lol:

czBrat

April 21st, 2010
4:13 pm

did he do ‘emotional’ Beautiful? i think he did. i LUV that song!

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:14 pm

hehehehe. @Brat listening to that now!!! how funny you asked that.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:14 pm

Carlito is a Vikings fan and you don’t know Fran Tarkenton?

He was one of the hosts of a show called “That’s incredible!” when I was a kid.

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:16 pm

I did not say I did not know where he came from, I just said that I do not follow college football.

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:17 pm

czBrat…

Most folks outside the south aren’t big college football fans. When I was up north, I saw more of an allegiance to their pro teams.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:17 pm

next:

CARL THOMAS-I WISH(I’D NEVER MET HER)

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:17 pm

czBrat, I like Hockey also. Maybe because I grew up in South Canada. LOL

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:20 pm

I’m starting to like hockey… That Sidney Crosby kid is good. I actually catch myself watching the Pittsburgh games.

I even went to number of Thrasher game this year. It is much better in person than TV.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:22 pm

this is def being play’d at my wedding:

Carl Thomas – Giving You All Of My Love

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:22 pm

Crosby is the real deal. The Thrashers are a good team they just need to get a better front office. IMO

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:24 pm

Carlito

I agree. With all the trades and stuff, they still were in contention for the playoff until the end.

But, what do I know? I just figured out what icing was! :lol:

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:27 pm

Poppa, that is the most asked question. LOL. What is icing? :)

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:34 pm

It is when a player hits the puck across to red lines and it isn’t touched. Or something like that..:lol:. I am still learning….

I am a native and I remember going to a couple of the Atlanta Flames games back in the day. I wonder if the Canadian folks know what the Flames refers to.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:36 pm

i need a dance partner! where’s DK???

Carl Thomas – My first love

Carlito

April 21st, 2010
4:38 pm

Poppa, that is exactly what it is. :)

Race-A-Roni

April 21st, 2010
4:38 pm

So, why is this exclusively a BLACK problem? Is there some latent racism saying Blacks are less capable than anyone else of forging lasting relationships? I got news for youse…NO ONE currently under the age of 55 knows Jack-Crap about “relationships”, or loyalty or love or anything else even distantly related. Those of us at the older end of that group were raised by idiots, who generally weren’t quite sure where kids came from, and all the crap rolled downhill from there. When and if it’s ever decided that the human race is worth preserving, then it should all be done with test tubes…And Prostitution should be LEGALIZED, taxed and regulated by The State (as is currently done in rural Nevada). That, along with an accompanying overall dose of pure Socialism, just might keep the average American life expectancy from slipping back into the 50s.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:39 pm

2C you next homie!

Melo

April 21st, 2010
4:40 pm

I need a dance partner!

Angie??

I dont think u can handle vertical foreplay without getting bedded! :lol: :lol:

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
4:43 pm

2C, baby where you at:

donell jones – U know what’s up

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:47 pm

The Flames referred to General Sherman burning down Atlanta during the civil war.

Well, They left Atlanta went to Calgary. I think that they won a championship up there.

Rhys

April 21st, 2010
4:49 pm

Hey Wise Diva! I’ve got a whole lot of catching up to do here this evening, but I just wanted to peek in and say you SO are ‘Sort Of A Big Deal!’ LOL Ciao! XOXO

Poppa Grande

April 21st, 2010
4:49 pm

I’ve got some law school classmates from Connecticut, and they are teaching me about the rules to hockey. They are from Hartford and can’t stand Carolina. They said that their team moved to Carolina.

Wise Diva

April 21st, 2010
4:55 pm

I really enjoyed today’s blog discussion! I hope everyone has a wonderful evening.

Leggs

April 21st, 2010
4:57 pm

“It is good to appreciate that life is now. Whatever it offers, little or much, life is now – this day – this hour.” ~ Charles Macomb Flandrau

Don’t waste another minute!

Melo

April 21st, 2010
5:00 pm

u enjoyed the football discussion WD??

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 21st, 2010
5:16 pm

Carl Thomas – Lady Lay Your Body

AlphaMan 1906

April 21st, 2010
7:13 pm

Now! This is my take coming from a 26 year old, single, successful, educated man. I can honestly say, ATL is NOT the place to settle down! Its not only men that are playas, its women too! They just dont get hit with the media like we do! lol! I have slept with numerous chicks up here who were married or in relationships…And yall expect me to look seriously for a relationhip????? F#*K THAT!!!!! lol! I have been up here for 2 years and the options are UNLIMITED! My attitude along with A LOT OF GUYS/FRAT BRUHS that I KNOW is…..If she ain’t down with what I want then I’ll find somebody else who will! it 10:1 in ATL! It’s that easy! ATL tricky! It’s like, I am back in college again with all these options! I AM NOT GETTING A GIRLFRIEND NOOOOOOOOOO TIME SOON! I have seen and done alot stuff to make me feel this way! And yes, the successful women do suck in most cases!!! Not all, but a good portion, based on some of my dates and some of my friends dates! They are overbearing, Possessive and will talk about they’re jobs all the time because they are sooo successful to the point where they lack on social skills! Almost every woman I meet has read Steve’s book! I actually use this book to manipulate them! lol! lol! I read it twice! I just found a way to flip everything in my favor! It’s a piece of cake! The women here do worship Steve though! It’s sad but true! I can honestly say…Steve’s book was on point! Especially the “Sport Fish” chapter! Priceless! Yeah, Yeah, yeah, I know…..I am young, immature and not ready to settle when it comes to this topic! But oh well….life’s great and I am enjoying ATL ALOT!!!! And I do use Protection, not that I am whoring! lol!

ATL is a Black Man Paradise! Every time I go out Alone or with a couple friends…we ae outnumbered by women who are sexy and single! Why? Cuz they are saying the exact same thing this topic says! SMH! Holla back if you can feel me without judging me…because, I KNOW FOR A FACT, THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS/ACTS THIS WAY!!!!! MALE OR FEMALE!

rochelle

April 22nd, 2010
12:15 am

Not interested in Black men; Ill be jumping ship! Not as little as Black men have done for us. I joined a group to date White men/others and I’m not lowering my standards.

I think its time that Black men get to see what it feels like for us to abandon them!

rochelle

April 22nd, 2010
12:19 am

Alpha Dog,….Alt least your honest, I left Atlanta and I’m now married to a white man. I see too many No Good Black Dogs like you that I never want to date or marry a Black men in my entire life span.

Thanks for being honest Dog!

Lauren

April 22nd, 2010
12:29 am

-Bren: I agree with him. Any black man who graduated High School and has never set foot in a prison knows he is in the favorable 50%. Alot of those black men use that somewhat celebrity status to play games. But the game playing has nothing to do with the supply of women, it has more something to do with the acceptance of immature behavior in the black community. Most white males I know get the play out of their system by the time they graduate college otherwise no other guys really want to hang around them.
- Ken: Yes, ATL is black hollywood. But at the same time a woman should have the right to want a grown man to have a pot to p*** in and a window to throw it out of. That’s such a double standard. When a non-black woman wants a man who isn’t poor, it’s common sense. With black women there is always some implication of being an opportunist. If I have worked my butt off to get a pot and a window, I want an equal. DEAL WITH IT.
- Allen: I agree that alot of black women are too aggressive to be submissive. Black women aren’t what they used to be and neither are black men. You have to be the King (protector, provider) if you want a submissive Queen. What the hell do I look like obeying a man who lives in my place, drives my car and eats my food.

william

April 22nd, 2010
12:40 am

There is a misconception that black men are intimidated by “successful” black women. I consider my successful ( good career, not hard on the eyes , earn over $250,000 per year). I have found it extremely difficult to find a black woman of my intellectual caliber. Most black women I encounter tend to overestimate “what they bring to the table”, especially financially. The majority of the black women I meet are not fiscally responsible. They have low net worth because they spend spend spend on material items. If you ask them what their financial plan for the future is , the majority of professional black women I meet could not tell me. This matters because the majority of divorces in the USA occur due to 1. money disputes and 2. sex related issues in the marriage. I am sorry I dont want a broke woman anymore than a woman does not want a broke man. The net worth of single black women bwtween the ages of 36 and 49 is $5. http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/pdf/201003/20100309_womenincome.pdf this is the link to the article or google racial disparities in net worth

Loretta

April 22nd, 2010
12:51 am

It seems to me that black men and woman have little respect for one another. When you respect each other you are more willing and able to handle the give and take required in a relationship without feeling used. Perhaps education which points out the good qualities of men and woman would be helpful to the self esteem of both and allow the attractions felt to blossom into good relationships. Mutual respect and admiration is necessary but it doesn’t mean that the partners need to be equally successful, just equally admirable in the other person’s eyes.