‘Nightline’ looks at successful black women’s relationship struggles
See tonight's show, then discuss it on my follow-up blog Thursday morning. (ABC/Guy D'Alema)
You will definitely want to watch, record, or hold a viewing party for “Nightline Face-Off” on ABC, airing tonight at 11:35 p.m. The hot topic on the debate table was why successful black women can’t get a man. Not only was the debate taped locally in Decatur earlier this month, yours truly was there to witness it all! That’s right, people, the relationship revolution will be televised…tonight on ABC!
The debate moderators included author and radio host Steve Harvey and Nightline’s Vicki Mabrey. The lively and decidedly entertaining panelists included CSI star, Hill Harper, journalist/VH1 star Jacque Reid, Comedian and ‘The View’ panelist Sherri Shepherd and author Jimi Izrael. Atlanta’s own Dr. Tartt (and Misadventures in Atlanta guest blogger!) was featured as an audience guest panelist as well, as was soon to be published author, Helena Andrews. Andrews is the author of an upcoming memoir that will include stories about her “crazy dating trials and triumphs in Washington, D.C.
As I sat in the audience, I found the dialogue to be honest and intense at times. Thankfully, there was also a great deal of laughter and fun. I actually came away with, dare I say, more hope? I was happy this town hall debate afforded me a chance to recruit a new Love Squad panel. I pitched them a couple of questions that came to mind from the face-off. Let’s meet them and hear what they had to say!
What are the hurdles professional black women face when fishing in a relatively small dating pond? Do you think these hurdles are more difficult in Atlanta or easier to overcome?
Bren Herrera, 30, Atlanta. Education: Post-Graduate. Industry: Entertainment
I could totally relate to Bren: “Discerning a man’s intent and genuine interest has been a problem. I attribute that to having entirely too many options and ultimately, a lack of preparedness to settle down. Coming from DC, where the ratio of black men to black women isn’t half as bad as it is in Atlanta, dating here seems much more obscure and a ‘game’ of sorts. There are so many women here, men have taken the liberty in being dishonest, driven by their ulterior motives or just immaturity.
Kenneth 35, Atlanta. Education: Currently in graduate school. Occupation: Consultant, Minister, Relationship Coach.
Kenneth believes that the many hurdles successful black women face are complex. They include: media influence; misconception that men are intimidated by them; a misunderstanding of their relationship value. He mused, “Professional black women may encounter greater distractions in Atlanta than other cities, but this can be attributed to the social competition and materialism that exists.
Allen, 27, Lilburn. Education: College Degree. Occupation: Business Analyst
When I think about the topic of dating/marriage in the educated black community, I just wonder if we can ever go back to our traditional roles. A lot of my friends and I want a woman that has aspirations to be a good homemaker as well as a career woman. We also don’t think that the educated successful women enjoy being in a submissive role.
I think our love squad raised some wonderful points! Some things I hadn’t though about. Do you agree or disagree with them? How would you answer the panel questions?
Rodney Ho, Sherri Shepherd discuss her ‘Nightline’ experience in his Radio & TV Talk blog
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559 comments Add your comment
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
2:54 pm
@DK..well dang joker!!! I think there was a something nice in there somewhere..but dang!!
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 21st, 2010
2:55 pm
They let it all hang out….as Chad Johnson showed…
Uhh hunh…..
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 21st, 2010
2:56 pm
I think the same thing Red…
Raqi
April 21st, 2010
2:56 pm
Carlito, you are the only that thinks I am on some stuff today. I just called my husband and asked him if it was okay with him if I bought a pair of shoes I saw yesterday at Nordstrom. He asked me if I was feeling okay.
I told him since I just bought a pair Sunday and with my financial contribution to the household right now being zero dollars I just wanted to pass it by him first.
He paused for a few seconds before saying “I appreciate you calling me but you know I am okay with it. Are you sure you are feeling okay today” LOL
I wonder how many of us can actually handle what it is we think we want. My husband like having a traditional wife but don’t subject me to having to ask “permission” when my contribution is far less than his. He trust me to do the right thing and I can never take advantage of that. These 42 years have taught me something.
BlackMagicWoman
April 21st, 2010
2:56 pm
FOR REAL…my job is how I make a living….that is a necessity! It pays my bills and I do it because I have to. I do not have to be married! There is a difference!
CHRIS…just because your mother complained about it to YOU does not mean she was happy. She did what had to be done. The reason some people say Black women appear mean ans standoffish is because that woman has a lot on her mind and her plate. To complain was considered to be weak in the Black community. Just as a person admitting that they need psychiatric assistance….they would be looked down upon! There is a lot of stimga in the community that is probably causing more health/depression issues because we are taught not to complain or ask for help! So you as a man…please do not assume what you may not really know!
SWISS…I feel the way you and Swiss Mrs. do things. Equal….a lot of men want to be the boss but don’t want to pay the cost!
FOR REAL…my job is how I make a living….that is a necessity! It pays my bills and I do it because I have to. I do not have to be married! There is a difference!
CHRIS…just because your mother complained about it to YOU does not mean she was happy. She did what had to be done. The reason some people say Black women appear mean ans standoffish is because that woman has a lot on her mind and her plate. To complain was considered to be weak in the Black community. Just as a person admitting that they need psychiatric assistance….they would be looked down upon! There is a lot of stimga in the community that is probably causing more health/depression issues because we are taught not to complain or ask for help! So you as a man…please do not assume what you may not really know!
PROFESSOR…I agree 100% with your 12:30. People join the C.R.A.F.T (Can”t Remember a F*cking Thing)club when they get married. All of a sudden they forgot that before we met we were doing our own cookiing, cleaning and laundry!
“If dr. Seuss and Charles schultz, Billy Graham and other men were so busy doing other stuff with kids and house werk they probably wouldn’t have been able to be the men they were. ”
OH…so of course…only a MAN could become great! The woman should only be along for the ride! Yeah…OK!
SASSY…my family has stopped asking me about marriage and babies because they already know the answer…”When Hell has a snow day”!
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
2:57 pm
What I find funny is that they keep asking me when I’m gonna have some babies but NOT when I’m getting married
The newbie and i were just discussing this last night. I told him i had been offended cause someone asked me “soooo how many kids do you have now” ummmm just the same one I’ve had for 7 years, sheesh. And he said folks keep asking him not IF he has kids, but how many kids does he have.
SMDH!
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
2:58 pm
Kym
yall beat us once in like what..100 games..let it go man let it go!!! LOL!!
Hey, they gotta get some props. They didn’t get a ring, but hey, they are wayyy better than when I was with them.
PrincessNik
I was a practice squad player with them back in the 90s (aka the dark ages of Cincy football). I got there a few years after the Ickey shuffle. So, the Bengals have a special place in my heart. However, I am still a Raider fan.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 21st, 2010
2:58 pm
Carlito – I know Vikings fan are just as hated as Aints fans in my book because ya’ll let them B@stards beat ya’ll..
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
2:59 pm
Tazzee, we had the NFL change the rule, so that will not happen again. GO VIKINGS!
Lady J,
one smiling heart at a time. LOL
Infamous, LOL, LOL
Leggs
April 21st, 2010
2:59 pm
@BMW ~ I think Chris said is mother DID NOT complain!
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:01 pm
BlackMagicWoman, the Saints won the Super Bowl, hell has officially frozen over.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:03 pm
the Saints won the Super Bowl, hell has officially frozen over.
Dang C-Lo
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:03 pm
Infamous, if the Falcons would have beat the Saints when it matters, we just would have beaten the Falcons
How are you going to be mad at us for not doing what you all could not do twice? LOL
Melo
April 21st, 2010
3:03 pm
My decision today is not based on a finding that you violated Georgia law, or on a conclusion that differs from that of the local prosecutor-Roger Commisioner
@Poppa??
ur decision is based on what then??
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
3:04 pm
PK – I was hanging out with one of my gf’s at Pappadeaux earlier this week. We were sitting at the bar and I was messing with the really cute little bartender.
I didn’t ask him if he had kids or how many…I asked him “What’s ya baby momma name?” LMAO!
He fired right back with….”Which one?”
HILARIOUS!!!
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:04 pm
Princess, I am serious.
That will never happen again.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 21st, 2010
3:05 pm
my family has stopped asking me about marriage and babies because they already know the answer…”When Hell has a snow day”!
Imma have to borrow that one BlackMagic…In my entire life I’ve only taken ONE man home to meet the fam and while we were down there, I promise you EVERYONE I introduced him to was like
I think I may have given them false hope…lol
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
3:05 pm
one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, go johnny GOOOOO…..my day is over cheer try outs in progress (too old for this glad I am giving it up)……and spaced out in the in process……..the end of the year is near so there is hope…..lol…….peace out good folks!
Carlito AWESOME mental connection! Thanks for keeping a smile on my face today sir!
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:05 pm
sexy cool
wow lol
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
3:06 pm
Stick around Carlito..this will be a great NFL season..Falcons, Vikes, Bengals, Steelers, Saints(you know they had some converts, and Raiders fan all on the blog..it will be great!!!
Melo
April 21st, 2010
3:06 pm
BlackMagicWoman???
read Chris again.
Her mum was happy!
HAPPY GIRL!!
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
Kym, Raider fans have to be some strong people.
I will be around for the season. LOL
Lady J-day dreaming
April 21st, 2010
3:08 pm
one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, go johnny GOOOOO…..my day is over cheer try outs in progress……and spaced out in the in process……..the end of the year is near so there is hope…..lol…….peace out good folks!
Carlito AWESOME mental connection! Thanks for keeping a smile on my face today sir!
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
3:10 pm
His decision is based on the fact that he has made negative decisions that his teammates and the league have to deal with…
He isn’t the first. Adam Jones (I don’t call him Pac-man) got suspended before he got any convictions. Heck, his suspension came before his Vegas incident.
Their actions reflect upon their employer. It sux, but it is what it is. Having an NFL job allows him to have to time (from Jan to July there is no real mandatory time) and the money to have a place a Reynolds Plantation and other things. Show respect for that opportunity or work a regular job and earn 80, 000 (if you are lucky in this economy) and have neither time or money to do that.
SexyCool
April 21st, 2010
3:11 pm
Since we are talking football, I have to put the fantasy league participants on notice:
ANNOUNCEMENT:
I will be reclaiming the FF Championship this season!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 21st, 2010
3:11 pm
CArlito – Oh no we own the Mini-sota Vikings..
We own the Aints too but there is something wrong in the universe at the moment but it will correct itself this year..
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:12 pm
Lady J, kudos to you as well
“Take one final look at the past, and we’re out” Katt Williams
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
3:14 pm
@SexyCool..I was off last season..but it’s on this year!!!
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
3:15 pm
Carlito…
Darn skippy, Raiders fans are strong…have you not seen the Black Hole..
BTW, how many rings have the Vikings won? The same amount as the Falcons. Heck, the Falcons have been to the Superbowl since the Vikings.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:18 pm
@ Kym
Falcons, Vikes, Bengals, Steelers, Saints(you know they had some converts, and Raiders fan all on the blog..it will be great!!!
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 21st, 2010
3:19 pm
*In reading the topic title today, how come there is no focus on hood rat’s relationship struggles?*
there aren’t any. lol. they have all settled in my eyes.
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
Poppa, we get farther
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 21st, 2010
3:20 pm
Poppa Venti Tall Decaf Vanilla creme upside down caramel Macchiato – Dude Chill out on the Falcons.. The Raiders aint been nothing since Vitalis after shave, afros and bell bottoms. Since Al was alive before the Crypt Keeper took over his body..
Melo
April 21st, 2010
3:21 pm
he has made negative decisions that his teammates and the league have to deal with…
@Poppa!!?
but u right!
A multi millionare that gets/demands PSH in a public bar has some wrong upstairs???!! loose wires maybe??
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:22 pm
Infamous, the Raiders need to be kicked out of the league along with the Bills.
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
3:22 pm
@Nik I am sorry..come on it Bucs fan..I am sure there is room on the loser bench..excuse me bench for you..Bengals and Raiders fan will yall scoot over so Nik can sit down? LMAO!!!
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
3:22 pm
PrincessNik..
You should be happy…With the 3rd pick, you guys will get a great DT to finally replace Warren Sapp. I think that Suh is going to Detroit so, TB will probably get McCoy from Oklahoma. TBs defense will be on its way back up again.
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
3:23 pm
sorry that should be come on with it..
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:23 pm
Kym that was so cold but LMBO, I will say at least we have a ring
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
Poppa G I am happy
we haven’t been the same since Warren and Keyshawn left then Cadillac got sidlelined but we coming back.
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:25 pm
Princess, Why did they get rid of Gruden?
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
3:26 pm
Carlito
Poppa, we get farther
That would be fine if the game was horseshoes…but that doesn’t cut it. Blame Farve for throwing it to the wrong jersey…again.
The overtime rules probably would not have mattered if he was more careful with the ball.
Melo
April 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
Angie??
hood rat chics dont necessarily settle.
They are jus baby making machines!
AmazonRed™
April 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
PrincessNik – I supported the Bucs and watched them regularly, as my ex is a huge fan.
Now I have to support the Dolphins, which is hard cuz my bandwagon team is the Patriots, their rivals in the AFC East!
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:27 pm
Princess, I used to be a big fan of the Bucs when they had John Lynch. I would always play with them on Play Station.
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:28 pm
C-Lo
Uhhhh they got rid of Chucky because he wasn’t bringing home enough W’s
Carlito
April 21st, 2010
3:28 pm
Poppa, let us discuss your teams problems. No can do the blog closes at 5. LOL
Kym--NFL Draft Time!!! Let the games begin!!
April 21st, 2010
3:30 pm
@Nik..I couldn’t help it..alright folks have a great evening..
PrincessNik
April 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
I been a bucs fan since the days of those horrid orange uniforms LOL
Poppa Grande
April 21st, 2010
3:31 pm
Carlito
I know our biggest problem is the Cryptkeeper….uh…Al Davis. The original Jerry Jones. He can’t sit back and let others run the team.