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Single parent dating

Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are.  I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down.  They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children.  They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.

Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood.  I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding.  What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?  If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son.  It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me.  What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?

373 comments Add your comment

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
8:46 am

If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I will be the first one to say its not easy. It definately takes planning and a strong support system. However, i will say it is doable, if the other person is really into you they will be understanding about your schedule, and they will be okay with having to plan in advance for the most part. Right now, the newbie and I typically do “lunch dates”, because his schedule is hectic also (even without kids). However, we are both understanding and respectful of the things each of us has going on.

I have dated guys in the past who were kind of put off by the fact that as a single parent I couldn’t always do spur of the moment dates. Or guys who were jealous of the amount of time that I invest in my daughter. Her father lives like 2 hours away and his work schedule is awful. My mom is a widow, my sister a divorcee so everyone is ‘dating’ which cuts back on some of the babysitting i used to be able to depend on.

I am always upfront with guys, if i meet them and my daughter is not with me, during our first phone conversation i make it known i have a daughter.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
8:54 am

GM All!!

first of all, full disclosure up front. don’t ambush someone after they’ve begun to settle into the idea of being with you that it’s actually you + 1 (or 2 or 3) :shock:

second of all, if you’re the single parent dating, not every date needs to meet the kid(s). be cautious and selective with that process. you could end up overwhelming the lil ones with a string of “uncle him’s” and “miss her’s”.

third of all, if you’re thinking about getting involved with a single parent be prepared to be very flexible with your time and plans. don’t expect to be a priority. figure out early on if you can handle sharing your guy or gal with their lil one(s).

Mike P

April 20th, 2010
9:01 am

I wouldn’t date a single parent, not anymore. It takes time for a person to get close enough to another to feel a connection, that can lead into a serious relationship. Most single parents I’ve dated in the past couldn’t devote sufficient time to allow this process to occur. The others had way too much drama going on that they shouldn’t have been out in the dating scene. This has been my experience with single mothers.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:02 am

cZ

good advice, same things i try to share with my other single parent friends. Definately be cautious and selective with whom you introduce your child to and how you introduce them. My daughter is seven, and besides her dad she has only been around one other guy i dated. People need to think, you know how hard it is on you when a break-up occurs little minds take it even harder.

Also, to those thinking of dating a single parent, don’t press the issue of meeting the child(ren). In due time it will happen.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
9:15 am

I have never been in this situation. Have a great day :)

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
9:16 am

Morning
First and foremost, single parents should not be seriously dating unless they have their affairs in order in referrence to their situation. Make sure your situation is stable before you start dating. It isn’t fair to invite someone into contentious situation. Otherwise, just be honest about your obligations, as well as the time and resources required for you to meet those obligations. I try to give a woman all the insight she needs to make an informed choice about whether to pursue something with me. I understand if she chooses not to.

SlimCoco-puffs shows her CT to all the boyz on da yard

April 20th, 2010
9:17 am

Good morning!

I tend to let guys know within our 1st two dates that I am the proud mother of…..my boy BLUE (my kitty cat) ;-) He’s about 5yrs old and loves me some Blue….But on a serious note, I am childless so don’t have much to contribute on the topic of Single-Parent dating. As far as me dating guys with kids…I tend to shy away from it or either it just doesn’t work out.

HAPPY TWIRLING TONGUE TUESDAYS :MRGREEN:

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:22 am

Make sure your situation is stable before you start dating.

Dreams M, by this statement i take it you are referring to any issues with the other parent?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:23 am

Its simple every Monday and Wednesday I have my son, so nodoby gets laid on those days. Oh and every other weekend. Thats our time together that I thoroughly enjoy, so either you can deal with or you cant. Sorry.. He didnt ask to be here so guess who comes first.. If that means I’ll never get married because of that, then so be it. But heyal I dont wanna get remarried anyway so, Wooo Hooo! I guess Im good..

Jahid Abdulshahid

April 20th, 2010
9:27 am

I’m a seasoned single parent. I retained custody of my son at his age of 3 when I divorced his mom.
I adjusted my entire life style as a result, now being both mom and dad. I found that most women have a serious problem dating a single dad that is the custodial parent. My rule has always been to make my dependent child my first priority. Many of my potential dates suggested tha I send my son to his mother and continue our relatinship by placing her children in the place of my son. I inquired of them as to why they had that view. The answers were that they are mothers and the children should be in the custody of the mother. I disagreed. The best situation is for childre to be with both parents, however when that is not possible, the child should be with the parent mos capable to tend to the needs of the child. That was me and I was a good father.

I have had my share of women and some. One day I might find a lady that can understand that fathers love their dhildren as much mothers and will realize that their selfish desires should be set aside and stay with their children’s bilogical dad.

Single parenting is not for everybody. It requires strong commitment,perserverence, and love.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:29 am

DK,

you made me smile :)

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:30 am

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over…..

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:30 am

Single parenting is not for everybody. It requires strong commitment,perserverence, and love.

now this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^needed repeating, from the outside lookin in, you only think you know, but until you actually become a single parent…………………

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
9:36 am

DK and DreamsM and PK yall summed it up!!!!! DK love your 9:30……..a stable supportive system will give room for great social time….there is a balance to all with being a parent not only dating just “ME” time…..it isn’t often and it is ok bc kids are first but when you can incorporate it in do it responsibly……you become aware of what is worth your time and not bc that schedule thingy with co-parenting is serious and must be respected……peace

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:36 am

Nik – Well Im glad I could make you smile..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:43 am

I appreciate my son for one thing if nothing else.. He showed my how to love.. He showed me that there is something more important than me. There are many days I have gone without to make sure he had and felt good that he had and I didnt even matter in the equation. My Lil Dude was/is a blessing that has made my life richer just by him being in it.. Its crazy but I would most def give my life in order for him to live and Ive never known love like that not even from my parents.. Thats why I tell him everyday Daddy loves him so he’ll know. He’ll always know.. He wont ever have to wonder about who loves him or go looking for it in the streets he’ll always have it at home..

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
9:47 am

Morning all. Not much to say on topic, so I’ll pop back in later. Just send out the Bat Signal when the topic changes — put on some Coldplay or mention something about booty… ;-)

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:51 am

KUDOS – To all those single parents out there cause I KNOW it t’aint easy!!!!

It would seem as if dating would have it’s place when the child is a little older ONLY, but what do I know. I could

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:53 am

Oh wasn’t finished… I could NOT, I repeat.. NOT do this alone! I guess if I had to…. but I just can’t even imagine. I truly have an AMAZINGLY disgusting lil monster man! He’s alot to handle, and by myself… can’t see it!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
9:56 am

Dreams M, by this statement i take it you are referring to any issues with the other parent?
I’m talking about any issues with the other parent of with your own children. Make sure that all aspects related to your children are stable. You shouldn’t be inviting people into your life while you still have some loose ends to tie up.

One day I might find a lady that can understand that fathers love their dhildren as much mothers
Our society tends to buy into the hype that mothers are always in the best interests of the children. Many women also don’t want to believe that a man can be as good a parent as they can. I meet single moms all the time who feel they need to give me “advice” on parenting because there’s just no way a man could really know about raising kids on his own. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ll take good advice no matter where it comes from, but don’t approach me like I’m the “clueless” guy. I’m a student of life, and I do my homework, so make sure you’ve done yours when trying to dole out advice.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:58 am

Infamous – I watched Chili’s show and her face went blank when a potential said he didn’t speak to his son every day…

My best friends fiance just left her, and they have a 9 month old and a 2year old :-| She’s needing that village right about now. I wish I was there (she lives near Chicago) to help her out :-(
Just t’aint fair….

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:00 am

It would seem as if dating would have it’s place when the child is a little older ONLY, but what do I know

@mqew, it’s one of those things where each individual situation is different. Some parents would not be comfortable dating until their child is older. Some have been masterful at finding balance, others cannot handle the pressures of single parenting or co-parenting and want someone to be around as soon as possible. There will be times as a single parent that you will have to place some things on hold, be it educationally, financially, romantically. However, I don’t agree with giving up on something. To everything there is a season…

I look at it like this for me personally if i’m going to get married and have another child its going to have to be in the next few years. No marriage, no baby.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:00 am

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:02 am

Dreams M

I feel ya, that’s the same way i feel.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:03 am

Ok side bar.. I just listened to Royce Da 5′9″ freestyle to Drake’s OVER and all I can say is OwwwwwwwCCCChhhhhh!! That dude is ridonkulous..

And RIP GURU… The game is gonna miss real rhymes..

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:04 am

Have dated parents in the past. Actually prefer not to, but it’s not a dealbreaker depending on the actual circumstances.

And I certainly will no longer date anyone who is not actively involved in the parenting of their child – physically, emotionally, financially.

I’ve learned that it says a lot about a man’s character if he has children that he is not providing for.

mqew – Saw that episode of Chili’s show that you were talking about. Something that I thought was curious in the first episode of the show when he was encouraging her to date, but said that whomever she dated had to understand that he was the “man of the house.” Er, um, yeah….side eye on that. Also, it seems like the real theme of this show is about her and Money Mayweather getting together.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:09 am

I’ve learned that it says a lot about a man’s character if he has children that he is not providing for

if he won’t take care of his own flesh and blood what can he do for you, or would you even want him to do for you. :idea:

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
10:10 am

mqew mad love to GURU

“Actions have reactions, don’t be quick to judge
You may not know the harships people don’t speak of
It’s best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth”

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:10 am

Dreams M – My opposition doesnt come from women in the street the see a dude is a great father.. My main opposition I have been having is with my own Mother.. She seems to think she has to tell me everything about my child.. Its actually been a sore spot as of late because its like if I tell my son to do something its like shes questioning it or she waits until I turn around and tell him its ok to do what I just told him not to do.. Ive been trying to be cool but I cant go for the undermining, from who ever it comes from.. We’ve had these conversations and it seems she doesnt get it.. I hate to stay away cause my Son loves Nanny…

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:16 am

Ive been trying to be cool but I cant go for the undermining, from who ever it comes from..

DK

we are so >>>>>>>>>>>here<<<<<<<<<

the quickest way to get on my bad side is to comment negatively on my parenting or to undermine me, you better get ready for war! Luckily now that my daughter is a little older she will tell you "mommy doesn't let me do xyz" she has even been know to call and confirm with me if it's okay for her to go against the norm because she is with granny, or daddy…….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:18 am

Royce says

Yes I be poppin a lotta ish
You cant do nothing bout it Bish
So get the heads up
Or be my rockem sockem opposite
Im like a stock or Bond
that can drop a bomb
riding slow
with the sliding doe
on the side open on that mini van
not intended for soccer moms.

SingleNAtlanta

April 20th, 2010
10:19 am

Children are of course a blessing, and if a man has children, I would expect to find out within the first date or two, depending on where the conversation went. Longer than that and agree – red flag.
My problem comes with what I call the Over-Involved Dad syndrome, where they tell you immediately that kids are priority one (well of course they are) but in a way that is really saying you’ll never be. I see men using parenting as a obstacle, or have been around too many men who just aren’t resourceful enough to use a calendar.
But then, I guess if these guys were really into me, then they would find the time to see me, and not use thier kids as an excuse.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
10:19 am

Mornting blog!!

Have dated parents in the past. Actually prefer not to, but it’s not a dealbreaker depending on the actual circumstances.

This is soo me right now. I’ve dated men with children and it’s NEVER worked out for several reasons: 1. The first guy was here living in the “A” with his son while the mother was in Philly….within a month of us meeting he wanted me to move in with him and help him mother his son…A MONTH!! No I didn’t have to speculate b/c that’s what he said plain and simple. Needless to say I was GHOST like a puff of smoke and disappeared. 2. The second situation involved my ex with the “baby mama” wsith the iq of a rock. It seemed like she was forever doing something stupid and/or creating a mess(with the kids) that dude always had to clean up nad it almost always involved him spending money. It was some never ending circular bullisth that really got to me and was a part of the demise of our relationship.

Dating men with children is not a deal breaker if the guy has the situation under control but if I had to choose I wouldn’t immediately go that dating route. I understand that that in itself reduces my dating choices but there are alot of eligible men in the “A” without children….and they don’t have to be AA per se.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:20 am

DK – it sounds like your moms thinks that indulging your son is a grandparental right. *Interesting*…and not in a good way. I hope she will soon fall in.

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:23 am

@DK..all you can do is stand your ground and stay firm with your mom. But don’t go high and to the left. How about this Mother’s Day or before taking your Mom out alone just the two of you and explain to her how you feel..but also try to understand what she is doing in her head and mind is not meant to be harmful..just she has been at this longer than you and she thinks she knows better. Actually when and if you decide to try this..mention to her that you appreciate her insights and help and you know its Nanny’s duty and right to spoil the grand baby but that you would appreciate her letting you learn a bit thru trial and error. Maybe just maybe it might work.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
10:24 am

PrincessNik – Duly noted… To everything there is a season, indeed!

SCool – If he’s not taking care of them, is shyt is NOT together, AND hopefully he’d know this and act accordingly. That show is bs. At the end of the episode I saw, Chili’s friends were asking her if she could see herself with Mayweather, and she said, Yes. Wellll, what the hell you waiting on heifer? I’m done.

Infamous – My mother and I only have “words” when she’s trying to tell me what I should do with my son. If I need advice, I’ll ask for it. Thanks, but we got this!

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:25 am

Oh yeah Good morning All..I have spoken my peace and counted to three many times on this topic..so I bow out of this one.

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
10:26 am

@ Mike P “The others had way too much drama going on that they shouldn’t have been out in the dating scene.—Define the “drama” that you speak of. I am just curious if it means the drama of raising her kids or drama with the absentee parent.
Single parents can date and should date, they just have to plan more in advance and those who choose to date them must be understanding of the fact that their children will sometimes interfere in their dating time. That’s just a fact. I cannot stand it when “men” say that women with a kid(s) should not date!!!!….so does that mean the “man” who help create the kid(s) should not either??? She certainly did not get pregnant by herself.
There is a balance to do anything in life and choosing to date when you have kids certainly require balance. I love that my ex-husband is reliable enough that he gets the kids every other weekend. This allowed me to plan dates and have some “me” time. Now, as far as my ex-husband, he can’t seem to find anyone that understands that he has to put his attention , time, and money to his kids 1st. He says that most of the women he date don’t like that he pays his child support first and can’t wine and dine them like they want. I tell him he just needs to stop leading with his wallet when he meets them.

My ex-husband profile:
6’4, 260lbs- Muscular, bald head, dark skin…….Has a good job, makes about 70K/yr- Has 3 kids from previous marriage- 14,11,7. If anyone is interested, please let me know……so he can’t stop bothering me!!!lol

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:28 am

Meant to say that when Chili’s son was encouraging her to date, he stated that whomever had to recognize he (the son) was the man of the house.

Oh…and I also liked how Dallas Austin basically called “Bllsht” on Chili’s list of *man requirements.*

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:29 am

Single – Explain the Over Involved Dad Syndrome..

Cause from where Im standing you just came off as a selfish chick that I would run from immediately.. Or tell you that my child is my priority right now..

abc

April 20th, 2010
10:30 am

I was a single parent on the dating scene. I never had to decide about the best time to bring it up, because it was already known that I had 2 teenagers at home with me. I never had to hide anything from my teens, either, as far as dating goes. I didn’t need help with being a parent, nor cooking, cleaning, laundry, the dog, or anything else, so an issue of wanting them to move in never arose. Frankly, I never met one that I’d want to take on like that, period. As far as I was concerned, dating sucked, and I still pretty much feel that way about it. I’m very glad to be out of the game!

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
10:30 am

Parent of two (18 & 11)… my children were 13 & 6 when I decided to divorce. I could not even fathom bringing another man into my mix before the divorce was final. I know many do go on “to the next one” before the ink is dry. I had work to do on me and my house before I would even consider it (over a year and a half) and no one met the kiddies. My s/o asked me out the first time inviting the kids,,, ummmmm no! It’s all good now, we act accordingly when they are present (they have seen us share a smooch or two :) ), and 4 years later they have never awoke to him in my bed nor to I stay gone all night. I come home at a respectable hour (by say 12:30) when they know I’ve been to his place. We wait until they are gone to grandma’s, dads, etc., then run nekkid through the house all night long :) :)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
10:34 am

Rest in Peace Dr.Dorothy Height

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
10:35 am

What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?

Run. :lol:

Morning all.

Luvbug

April 20th, 2010
10:37 am

I briefly dated a guy with a kid and spent the majority of our time together trying to figure out why he and his baby’s mother didn’t stay together…and trying to pressure him into working it out with her. I want people to stay together.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:38 am

Kym – Umm yeah we’ve had those talks before but this is what you have to understand.. My Mom is a old school Taurus classic Bull in the China shop and if you dont grab her by her horns every now and again she’ll bull you over.. I mean just yesterday it got so heated because she insists on feeding my 4 yr old l ike he’s a baby.. I told her to let him eat on his own.. And it went completely downhill from there.. It always ends up with her saying “I just trying to do the right thing” but whos to say what you think is right is actually right.. Ive learned over the years that giving people a piece of your mind is actually not the move.. Who are you and what makes you so important that a person deserves or wants a piece of your mind.. WHo gives a sh!t about your mind and your thoughts..

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
10:43 am

Hola,

I do not have any kids, and I am not a big fan of dating guys with kids. I think children are beautiful, however all most of the single dads I met did not have their ish together.

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
10:51 am

Who are you and what makes you so important that a person deserves or wants a piece of your mind.. WHo gives a sh!t about your mind and your thoughts..

You just made me think on that one, I will never look at the saying the same.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
10:53 am

I too have given dating single dads a shot. It doesn’t work for me. For one, I’d like to be a first time parent with the man I marry. It’s important to me. Both of my sisters married men who have a daughter from a previous relationship and I can tell you that marriage is hard enough without bringing immediate step parenthood into the equation.

Secondly, I do believe your spouse comes first in your relationship, and that’s hard to do when the kid was there before you were even in the picture. And from the single parents I know, their child will always be first. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s a balance I don’t want in my marriage.

Fortunately, there are plenty of guys out there with no children, so I just focus on dating those. Perhaps if I met one who “gets it” I’d reconsider.

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:53 am

@DK ohh I understand Bull in the China shop believe me.(Bull in China shop right here) I don’t know if your mom has other grandkids or if your son is the first one..but it sounds like a classic case of..”I am the grandmother, I know best heck I raised you joker!!” And sometimes you have to pull folks in when you really want to push them back.

Example: My son has figured out my Bullish ways(okay I am a Cancer..but I still mother and fuss and bully at times) That joker hit me with my own hot facts one day..(irksome to know end) I told him to do something and I felt like he is not doing it quite right so I went over to show him again…He said “Mom I got it..remember you taught me how to do this?” I just kind of stared and then smiled..and left him be..he was right..I showed him how..he knows what to do…now if he could just learn to wash his butt so he doesn’t smell like old feet..I would be grateful but thats a whole other Oprah.

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
10:54 am

Sorry to get off topic, but…

BlackMagic, this is for you… Maybe you can follow these ladies’ lead & raise some $$ to rescue Carlito’s horse… ;-)

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
10:56 am

DK

Explain the Over Involved Dad Syndrome.. Cause from where Im standing you just came off as a selfish chick that I would run from immediately.. Or tell you that my child is my priority right now..

I believe both men and women can be especially selfish when it comes to a hands on parents time/resources. The key word is parent, and a child being your priority should be a given. Many times the selfishness is not limited to just dating someone with children… this is who she/he is… period.

SingleNAtlanta

If you, the person without kids is exercising flexibility, understanding and communicating the “over involved” usually appears this way if there is no balance or underlying activity/drama or you said it already… the other person is not really into you thus the kids are used as an excuse. Not a good look, keep it moving.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:58 am

CheeseMeister – thanks for answering my question yesterday and explaining your POV. I can relate to *some* of how you view it.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
10:58 am

Children really add an interesting dynamic to new relationships. If I really liked a woman who had a child I think I would find a nice compromise. I think I would just have a problem with enforcing the fathers rules if the kid lived with me and her. I would not spank his child but if he got unruly I would discipline the child living under my roof. I think that is just a road to disaster, I would imagine another man would not want me disciplining their child.

I did not know George Clinton and the Parliment had a concert last night in Atlanta.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
10:59 am

If anyone is interested, please let me know……so he can’t stop bothering me!!!lol

:lol: @ JtJ

$70,000 a year goes fast with 3 mouths to feed tho…

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
11:00 am

Met this guy who has three children who told me that he shared joint custody of the children and that he kept them for something like 5 days on, 5 days off or something like that. Let me know upfront that he would have no contact or communication of any kind with me during the 5 days that he had the children.

I wished him well, took my ball and went home.

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
11:00 am

I hope this isn’t read wrong, but the single dads I have met made it seem like they were doing a big deal by participating in the upbringing of their kids. It was almost like they wanted “The World’s Greatest Daddy Award,” or they were trying to appear like daddy of the year. My thing is take care of your child, I am not talking about a child support check and stop looking for a pat on the back.

That was the second biggest turnoff with dating a man with a child

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:00 am

Meant to say that when Chili’s son was encouraging her to date, he stated that whomever had to recognize he (the son) was the man of the house.

*smh* What real man is gonna go for that? I hate when parents make their children grow up faster than they need to. Childhood is fleeting… let them have one.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:02 am

Swiss, LOL. My horse is fine!

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
11:02 am

$70,000 a year goes fast with 3 mouths to feed tho…

Pardon me, but 70K is already gone if you have three mouths to feed and 1 :grin:

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
11:03 am

SexyCool… I wished him well, took my ball and went home.

As you should have, he was honest…:)

We all need to make informed choices!

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:04 am

McNabb WANTS T.O. in D.C.

I think that would work, the Redskins are hurting for wide outs.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
11:04 am

Melo – need you to respond to that email ASAP.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:10 am

LL – There has to be ablance in everything you do.. Work/Life/Children/Church or whatever.. I do an excellent job of all of the above. I think Im very involved in my childs life but I also like to date and do grown up things.. I need to exercise this ish whenever I can but I have always seemlessly floated between situations.. One day being Daddy and the next day being the Porn Star.. From the Corner to the Boardroom.. I do’s this..

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
11:12 am

jus ck’n in . . .

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:12 am

Just like single parenting is not for everybody. Dating a single parent is not for everybody.

However, don’t look down on it because its not your personal choice/situation. I know i personally have nothing against people who choose not to date single parents. That’s their perogative. My own brother prefers not do date single mothers. I encourage him to do what works for him, but i also let him know that he cannot speak negatively of single mothers as a whole at least not in my presence.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:14 am

One day being Daddy and the next day being the Porn Star.. From the Corner to the Boardroom.. I do’s this..

DK, you made me smile again LOL

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
11:14 am

@ ARed & Professor-that 70k could still work provided the woman brings her 70k to the table! His problem is the women he meets want him to take care of them completely and he can’t afford to!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:17 am

His problem is the women he meets want him to take care of them completely and he can’t afford to!

:lol: Most people can’t.

I’d love to be a stay at home mom, but knows that it will probably not happen for me.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
11:18 am

I did not know George Clinton and the Parliment had a concert last night in Atlanta just saw that on ajc and was like AAAAGH!! can’t believe i missed that.

DK …. how’s the new lady love coming along? have i missed any updates?

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:20 am

communication, communication, communication…..without it in whatever your doing especially if it involved kids is a lost cause for stability and balance….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:20 am

Bottom line if we work for each other we will fit into one anothers life and if not.. Poof!! We’ll disappear from each others sight.. This dating thang aint so hard.. My new friend understands just what it is off top and actually applauds the fact that I am a part of my sons life.. It will go wherever its supposed to go because I’ll never make a woman feel less important than my child but I’ll never choose between her and him..

Madeleine

April 20th, 2010
11:20 am

Sometimes, I want to say to people with kids to get over them little ugly ass mistakes of failed birth control that they act like are the answer to world peace.

You didn’t have the first kid in the world and you won’t have the last. So, your snotty-nosed, read on a first grade level but in the eighth grade rug rat doesn’t impress me.

And then if they are ugly or fat or smell funny on top of being dumb and disrespectful and undisciplined and acting out. That makes me want to put D-Con in their Cheerios.

I hate a fat, ugly kid.

On top of that, if you are not actively parenting your child, but just happen to have little people that live in your house, go sign up for some parenting classes or drink anti-freeze.

Luvbug

April 20th, 2010
11:21 am

it seems like the real theme of this show is about her and Money Mayweather getting together.

SexyCool – Considering Chilli’s long list, I don’t understand how Mayweather is even an option for her? Sure he doesn’t eat pork and is fine (to her), but he has two baby mothers who (I think) both claimed he smacked them. I’m not sure if he even married either of the baby mothers…and he tooted up his nose when she mentioned marriage in the first episode. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.

Don’t get me wrong. I have my own problems, but I can’t tell what she wants and where she’s trying to go.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:23 am

Damn Madeline.

Birth control works tho. Most people just get careless.

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
11:24 am

Luvbug – Chili may be acting like that list is non-negotiable, but even DAustin said that he smokes and drinks and he certainly ain’t all that cute. So, I’m calling “Bllsht” on the non-negotiable-ness of the list.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:25 am

DK youre 11:20 is on point

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:26 am

An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things….

lady j i like that ^^^^^

Luvbug

April 20th, 2010
11:28 am

Dang Madeleine. Tell us how you really feel. :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:28 am

This dating thang aint so hard..

Bullshat. :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:29 am

CZ – Yeah she’s cool.. Music in a era of noise.. The music is low right now but its turning itself up slowly day by day..

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:30 am

For Real

April 20th, 2010
11:32 am

What up Blog Fam!

My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:32 am

I could never tell a woman how to raise her child, or how she should be in their life. Why? Because I do not have any children. If I did, I still would not. Different dynamics for different situations.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:33 am

Children are scary, to many societal rules involved currently.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:33 am

thanks Carlito!!!!!! that made my day!!!! your 11:32 ROCKS!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:34 am

ARED – Dating aint hard.. Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:36 am

Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..

PREACH DK now that isn’t easy by a long shot and many non parents are dealing with this so we have much in common! LOL Who knew! LOL

Good one sir!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
11:37 am

SingleNAtlanta My problem comes with what I call the Over-Involved Dad syndrome, where they tell you immediately that kids are priority one (well of course they are) but in a way that is really saying you’ll never be.
and LL411 (your 10:56)

I’m agreeing. I’m a single mother and have always placed her as a priority but I don’t get the kicking the door down act or speech of “hey I’m single, no one else can do this that or the other” Good single parenting skills is keeping those things that are priority a priority. It what you naturally do, all the while living. It doesn’t call for the “extra” this that or the other. It’s just living. If I can’t make a date because of a need of my child, hey I just can’t make it but it’s not like, you’re booted because you want to infringe on my child’s time. Huh? I have sole custody of my child and outside of her dad, in 15 years she’s only been around 2 other. I never felt the need to introduce her to strangers but I never felt the need to shut folks out because she exists. Maybe it’s because there’s a difference in sole custody versus joint. I dunno. Not knocking, have read it too many times here.

Luvbug

April 20th, 2010
11:38 am

Just curious…

If a guy marries a woman and has children with her, should she expect to be number two in his heart? Or, does the second place rule only apply to stepmoms?

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:39 am

My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!

:lol: Just call me “stomp the yard” :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:39 am

Dating aint hard.. Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..

I disagree. I feel they both present challenges that prevent one from calling it easy.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
11:40 am

can someone help me out plz? what is 420?

and dating a guy w/o kids won’t do for me. Chris, who lives in ATL, wanted to date me. single guy, no kids. i declined, because it wasn’t fair to him that i didn’t want to have any more. he stated that he would be ok. i said no, sorry. i want you to experience the joy of seeing your baby born . . . your flesh and blood.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:40 am

Truth be told you couldnt have ever told me I would be a divorcee when I got married but heyal here I am living proof of the best laid plans often go awry.. I’m also living proof that you can have the best life after divorce and also be a great parent even though your not in the home with your child all the time. Im also proof that no matter what has happened in your situation that you can forgive people and moe on in your life only to be blessed in ways you never though imaginable.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:42 am

what is 420?

smokeout day or something like that

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:42 am

hey lurker I feel your post and had to kind of check my ex husband regard the best daddy ever…while he very well is he was using it for validation for some insecurities he was dealing with…..I explained while he is in a minority of being a great dad and consistent he shouldn’t use it as a mechanism for who he really is….meaning he does shine as a dad but there are other areas to be worked on and being a dad can cover up all flaws….it does make it look better but who are you truly fooling??? Not me I know him well…

Mo (aka Moeisha )

April 20th, 2010
11:42 am

Hey Err’body!

DK – Im lovin your 11:20

On topic – I havent found it hard to date being a single parent. I save all that for the days I dont have my lil one and its cool. I divulge the fact that I have a kid upfront but only one guy that I have dated has actually met Lil Mo. Now I will admit that Im not too keen on dating a man that doesnt have a kid….I feel its a waste of time really. I do agree that you shouldnt introduce your kid to everyone, thats a recipe for disaster!

Hey For Real, how do?

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
11:42 am

I say all the time “Love is easy. It’s the relationship that is a mphcka.”

TheDude and I are revisiting the one issue that seems to be recurring in our relationship. And whereas he gets frustrated because it’s something that we’ve discussed previously, I appreciate the conversations because with every new discussion about the issue, I learn something new and valuable.

However, that doesn’t mean I’m any less frustrated with having to keep talking about this. He just made the statement last night that he didn’t like having to have these conversations. I responded that I didn’t either. I then asked him (to confirm) that he did realize that good relationships don’t just happen, but require work.

And that while the fact that we are having the conversations raises his alarms, it is encouraging to me because it means that we are *doing the work*.

I am confident that the issue will be resolved or that a compromise will be reached. We’re just obviously not going to be able to have one little neat conversation that the delivers the resolution all prettily packaged with a nice bow on it.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:42 am

I never felt the need to introduce her to strangers but I never felt the need to shut folks out because she exists

@lurker, I agree

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:43 am

Ared – It may be difficult for you and thats fine..

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:43 am

Im also proof that no matter what has happened in your situation that you can forgive people and moe on in your life only to be blessed in ways you never though imaginable.

Yet, you never want to marry again right? :?:

lurker

April 20th, 2010
11:43 am

while he is in a minority of being a great dad and consistent he shouldn’t use it as a mechanism for who he really is….meaning he does shine as a dad but there are other areas to be worked on and being a dad can cover up all flaws….it does make it look better but who are you truly fooling???

Right – an over abundance in one place will more than likely cause or be the cause of a deficit in another.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
11:45 am

PrincessNik – Balance is what’s essential.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:45 am

Ared – It may be difficult for you and thats fine..

Duh. But no, I enjoy dating, but I realize like other things folks are careless about, there is a responsibility that comes along with it. So no, I don’t call it ‘easy.’ People can get hurt in dating too. Therefore I’m not callous and cavalier in my decisions to date.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
11:46 am

Lady J – Reckon he took your advice?

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
11:46 am

lurker

you are absolutely correct

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
11:46 am

“what is 420?”

BeautifulHere’s the lowdown on 420 for ya…

@ SexyCool — RE: Yesterday’s discussion… No problem. I’m always happy to share my opinions… Preaching the gospel of I don’t know;-)

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:48 am

pk there is no need while Ihave recently met his girlfriend and respect their situation for me I am no where close to anyone meeting my child but on dates I will periodically call and check in if that bothers someone then I can respect that dating a person with kids isn’t for them…..thanks for loving that quote too

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
11:49 am

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:50 am

lurker he did he has came into him and I applaud him….he recently truly apologized to me for past hurts and the failing of our marriage…..I have and did a while back but my point is when he did I EXHALED….he is a new person and him and his mate vibe well together and it is healthy for my child since she is around her much……my lesson is to truly give it to God and pray and he will work it out…..when I try to work it it out it is a disater so I didn’t fight that battle

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:50 am

What is 420? HA HA HA!!!!!!

I am 420!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:51 am

ARED – Me not wanting to get remarried has nothing to do with forgiveness..

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
11:51 am

Sometimes, I want to say to people with kids to get over them little ugly ass mistakes of failed birth control that they act like are the answer to world peace.
Every one is entitled to their opinion, but know that, at various points in your life, others may have considered you to be “mistake failed birth control”.

My thing is take care of your child,…and stop looking for a pat on the back.
No one, man or woman, deserves a pat on the back for doing what they’re supposed to do. Raising your child to be a morally conscious, productive contributor to the world will be reward enough.

Pardon me, but 70K is already gone if you have three mouths to feed and 1
I would think 70k isn’t even enough to provide for yourself and 3 kids. After taxes, that’s only about 52k. Child care alone for 3 kids would eat up about 75% of that. You’re left with about 13k to make the rest of the ends meet for the year. Rent/mortgage wipes out that 13k. So, what’s left for car not, utilities, extra curricular, food?

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
11:52 am

Also, I dated a guy that when I met his kids, I didn’t like ‘em (and I suspect that they didn’t like me). They were pre-teens.

Didn’t date him for very much longer.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
11:53 am

Lady J – happy endings or happy in togetherness works wonders for kids

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:53 am

Lady J, thanks. :)

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
11:54 am

Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..

SlimCoco-puff puff pass

April 20th, 2010
11:54 am

Somebody blow me a shotgun :-D

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:55 am

random it is some co workers and close associates that haven’t even met my child….I am funny like that….everyone is well aware of miss kadie baby but I do shelter her a bit…..lol its the way I carried her I think….lol

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:55 am

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:56 am

It’s from the earth.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
11:56 am

It would not be here if we were not supposed to smoke it. God put it here.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
11:56 am

lurker I know and the day I pushed her out I knew it wasn’t about me and I had to quickly decide if I was going to be a mother and responsible or sign her over……no one earned the right for kadie to call anyone mommie but me believe that…..lol….yall it wasn’t easy but i survived!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
11:57 am

Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..

DK – No you don’t see. I will remind you AGAIN that you don’t know me boo. I’m strategic in most EVERY thing I do. I think about consequences of my actions. This is part of the reason is why I don’t have any kids to begin with. Or any ridiculous drama in my life. It’s also why I’ve managed my life and money responsibly. Life is short, but can be quite long when you keep making foolish choices. Not to say I haven’t done dumb things…but I’m most definitely not callous and cavalier when it comes to this thing called life.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
11:59 am

thanks swiss! so we actually celebrate this huh? shame.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:00 pm

Beautiful, why is it a shame? Are you being forced to do something you do not want to do?

lurker

April 20th, 2010
12:00 pm

Lady J – Those early years are the make it or break it years. You find out what kind stuff you’re made of.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:01 pm

Hey Gang!

Hey Amred, glad to read ya!

My experiences with men with kids has overall been positive. One didn’t tell me he had one and I found out thru the grapevine after a year. Told yall about that already. My SO has wonderful children and I am very close to them & would be honored to be their stepmother should we marry. It is a different situation in that their mother passed away. But not only have they accepted me fully, but their father is wonderful and trusts me with them & we see eye-to-eye on childrearing. Also, his late wife’s family seems to really like me, so that’s a plus. It’s been very smooth.

I’m like you, Beautiful, in that as I got older I preferred a guy with children in case I could not have one.

I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders! If you’ve met women that made you choose, then they were not the ones for you! Next! Or is it a case of not looking at yourself in the mirror? Are you not able to make time for dating? If raising a child and working & maintaining a home has you so strung out that you can’t make room in your schedule for a personal life, then don’t do it. Don’t put a woman in that spot that you’re SO tied up that she feels she needs to ask for a little of your time. Think about it – even if you were married you would still need time with your spouse every now and then.

The above rant was just another view and reflects one of the times when dating a single dad was a challenge. Because later I actually found out he really was using the child as an excuse to not spend time with me. His mom was taking care of his daughter most of the time. And when someone cancels on you or can’t make plans and says it’s because of their child, what are you going to say? I must say, he milked it!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:03 pm

Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..

DK – I will remind you again that you don’t know me boo. I’m not callous and cavalier with anything. Especially life. This is part of the reason why I’m not some “baby mama” or have some life full or drama and foolishness. Not to say I don’t make mistakes or haven’t done dumb things, but I’ve avoided plenty of pitfalls because I think of the consequences of my actions. Life is short, but can be quite long when making the wrong decisions.

:D

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

….everyone is well aware of miss kadie baby but I do shelter her a bit

Lady J – I admire those who shelter their kids a bit. Not every child needs to know all about life by the time they turn 12. Nor do they need to meet everyone their parent associates with either.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:07 pm

Speaking of single parents, maybe some of the DADS can help me out with this one.

I have a few friends that are male on FaceB. They have kids but, the kids don’t live with them. They’ll post something like, “Ahhhh house is spotless, time to go workout.” Or “Ahhh Just got back from doing 9-holes.” Or “Nice day out, went to Piedmont park for a nice picnic by myself.”

I’m like WTH. I bet the mother’s of your KIDS can do that crap! They’re to busy taking care of both of YOUR kids… It just seems like most moms get the HARD end of the stick or a rougher deal than the men…

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm

lurker as I took her to the doctor yesterday I looked at her and smiled bc through God she has brought out the best in me…..it is stuff I though as a single mom I could never do and the stamina is unparallel….I am resilient and she keeps me grounded……..it was his only way of getting my attention bc I was on a dark road of self destruction……too blessed to be a mom, a single parent, and a co parent….it can work and I do have a great social life in between!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:01 pm
Hey Gang!

Hey Amred, glad to read ya!

My experiences with men with kids has overall been positive. One didn’t tell me he had one and I found out thru the grapevine after a year. Told yall about that already. My SO has wonderful children and I am very close to them & would be honored to be their stepmother should we marry. It is a different situation in that their mother passed away. But not only have they accepted me fully, but their father is wonderful and trusts me with them & we see eye-to-eye on childrearing. Also, his late wife’s family seems to really like me, so that’s a plus. It’s been very smooth.

I’m like you, Beautiful, in that as I got older I preferred a guy with children in case I could not have one.

I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders!

I’m sure I’m frowned upon for this but I soooooo agree. It’s not about making it rocket science.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm

it is some co workers and close associates that haven’t even met my child

lady j same here

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
12:09 pm

It just seems like most moms get the HARD end of the stick or a rougher deal than the men…
Unless the dad is the one with full custody.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:09 pm

ARED – ……

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Hey kimmie! Good to read you too!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Dang Kimmie what dude did was foul. I understand your first part of the post,though. A (wo)man’s children should always be thier first priority and what adult that truly cares for you would force you to choose between them and your children anyway? So the whole “you ain’t gon be first” shyt is just that some bullshyt….as has been stated earlier BALANCE IS KEY.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm

ARed that is my point i dealt with too much as a child and teen ager too much adult ish and I am still not at peace with it….with time I hope to forgive both my parents but kadie puts the C in being a CHILD she doesn’t have a clue and her personality she don’t want to have a clue…..she is her own person…..I am blessed that God saw fit! Who knew!

for an example as an adult I am always serious or require some type of explanation just not carefree with the moment my childhood affected that….seriously..

lurker

April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm

This was all I was trying to post again ——>I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders!

Lady J – I agree, caring for kids can be demanding. I feel like you many days. The more you jump those hurdles the prouder you become.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm

Moms get a rougher deal than the Dads?? WTF!!

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm

Correction – Mother’s of your kids CAN’T do that crap!

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:14 pm

From the single father’s at my job, they want more time with their kids. And I hear the single mother’s want more time away from their kids. On the outside looking in just do the math. Alas, I said earlier. Different dynamics for different situations.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:14 pm

Nor do they need to meet everyone their parent associates with either.

amen!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
12:15 pm

Are dudes really out there telling you all that there kids are first and you never will be? I’ve never felt the need to tell a woman this. If I want to pursue something with you, then having children won’t prevent me from doing so, but to use my children as an excuse not to pursue is just lame. I’ll just say I’m not interested in pursuing anything further.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm

From the single father’s at my job, they want more time with their kids

@ Carlito,

Now there is a differnce from being a single parent, and a parent who is single. Single parent typically means custodial parent. Are these men you speak of the custodial parent of their children?

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm

Is Pensacola nice? I keep seeing that banner at the top of this page today.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm

Lady J -……..it was his only way of getting my attention bc I was on a dark road of self destruction<——— T'is a shame that it took a child for some (me included) to get their shyt together, but hey wouldn't have changed it for the world. Motherhood has certainly been a blessing for me!!!!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm

Dreams – I’ve never been told but I’ve read it here many times…or at least that’s how it comes off. I wouldn’t buy into that though because they’re selling a product I’ve already bought.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
12:17 pm

dude does read kinda familiar….I’m jus’ sayin……

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:17 pm

But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders!

kimmie – Great point. I do believe the spouse comes first in a marriage. But that doesn’t mean a choice has to be made.

I just don’t see how a child will know how know life isn’t all about them if all you do is make it about them. They need to respect their parents and authority. But like I said before, it’s a tough call when the kid has been there for years before the new parent even comes into the picture.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:18 pm

PrincessNik, the kids do not live with them. I misunderstood single parent. I thought it was someone who had a child but was not in a relationship with the other parent.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:18 pm

yep that is what single parent is to me custodial parent however co parenting has brought a fine balance….I couldn’t imagine using my child as a weapon……I told him he would always be apart of her life bc he wanted her just as much he hasn’t failed yet….

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:19 pm

Dreams – Your post is called being grown & being a man & not playing games. Yeah, some folk will use their own kids to be an A—-!

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:20 pm

Carlito

No problem. But that makes a differnce in the two attitudes you mentioned. When you are the custodial parent and are doing it all, the shuffling to practices, school activities, homework EVERYTHING, yes there will be times you definately want a break from your children, doesnt’ mean you love them any less. And a good non-custodial parent does yearn to spend more time with their child (IMO).

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:20 pm

But ya’ll are also acting like it aint happened before.. Im sure ya’ll ladies got a friend that her Ex got a new chick and forgot about his obligations.. Or that his NuNU acts like he should be more focussed on his new situation than his old.. Weak n!gga for sure to do that but my point is balance and I’ll never choose between the two, nor will I make her feel any less than what she is to me.. All im saying is the sh!t happens more than we wanna admit but it happens and me personally could never choose a woman over my son. Thats just me. If he doesnt like her its not gonna work.. I dont drama and extra because life is excellent without it.. If its right then the situation will never present itself and I’ll never have to deal with it.. But if it does.. We Roll.. Him and I.. Aquemini..

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:20 pm

When a person is paying child support does it matter if the other parent is married or not or if the person paying the child support is married?

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:21 pm

DK – That’s what I’ve seen. Yes, moms get the HARD end. They’re usually the primary doing most of the day to day activities with their kids…. SO ummm YEAH!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:22 pm

marriage is not apart of cs in GA however in sc both incomes pay support as a married couple

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:22 pm

pk correct me if I am wrong…lol

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
12:22 pm

i loves me some Kels and Pumpkin, but my hubby will always come first. i will respect, follow and support him until death!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:23 pm

Dreams M – Exactly its just understood.. You dont have to run around broadcasting your child is first.. You dont even have to mention where they are because they will understand by the level of commitment you show towards your child.. The consistency of what you do..

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:24 pm

Amred – I agree. It’s hard to explain it to folk sometimes because they love their kids. But the world does not revolve around your child in anyone else’s world but yours! There has to be a balance.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:24 pm

Lady J, so sometimes if a woman marries a guy with kids and he is paying child support. Her money would then to go to his kids child support?

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:24 pm

Carlito, no it does not matter.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:25 pm

Carlito – True birth control is CHUCKIE CHEESE ON A SATURDAY!!!

I SWEAR that is all you need. :lol:

I was there this past Saturday and was like, shoot me now :-|

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:25 pm

Lady J, that is my understanding also.

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
12:26 pm

OH…yeah…I was supposed to ask for referrals for a divorce attorney would be reasonably priced to handle a noncontested divorce.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:26 pm

I remember a lady saying to me that something was odd that I have never been married or had kids at my age. Yes there was, I was heartbroken and I never wanted kids. LOL Of course I did not say that to her.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:26 pm

Are dudes really out there telling you all that there kids are first and you never will be?

Well, For Real just did. :lol:

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:26 pm

True birth control is CHUCKIE CHEESE ON A SATURDAY

even i can’t argue with that!

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:29 pm

so sometimes if a woman marries a guy with kids and he is paying child support. Her money would then to go to his kids child support?

Carlito This is a possiblity, in the end if he doesn’t pay after he gets behind a certain $$ amount, he will end up in jail and possibly a suspended license.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:29 pm

by law in SC yes in GA no but if they are one her money will go their way one way or the other….the house money is the house money and kids outside the home benfits when they visit…example summer breaks….I would hope a woman does not ignore that child if she has others say going to the pool and buying lunch….I wouldn’t call my husband for money I would handle it bc I have accepted him and his child they are my family

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:30 pm

Its funny how people with no kids can always tell you the best way to raise kids.. Its funny because I used to be that way when I didnt have a child and didnt realize that no book or Oprah show can tell you how to raise an individual free thinking child..

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:30 pm

Off Topic: this new alicia keys song, is hot.

If you ask me i’m ready…….

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
12:30 pm

That’s a doozy.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:32 pm

Lady J

12:29 yes! that is my thought also:

if they are one her money will go their way one way or the other….the house money is the house money and kids outside the home benfits when they visit

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
12:32 pm

Its funny how people with no kids can always tell you the best way to raise kids..

This blog is full of folks that think they know more than they do. No matter the topic.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:33 pm

Are dudes really out there telling you all that there kids are first and you never will be?

One guy did it to me. Another used his mama as the scapegoat – told me his mama would always come first. Used to cancel out on me all the time cause his mama “needed” him. Mind you, his mother was not sick or anything & had 7 other grown adult kids that saw to it that she did not want for anything!

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
12:34 pm

*Its funny how people with no kids can always tell you the best way to raise kids*

my older sis does that dumb sh*t! i said out loud one day that what i’m doing is fine and it someone can do better come and pack their sh*t!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:34 pm

we hate CC she is scared of the rat but like the games but it is welcomed birth control! LOL

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
12:35 pm

From the single father’s at my job, they want more time with their kids
Carlito This is where lots of the Dads get the short end of the stick. They are often portrayed as deadbeats who don’t want to be involved, when that’s not always the case. Lots of dads try to be in their kids’ lives, but the moms don’t always make it easy to do that. some moms even outright prevent the dads from being involved, then turn around and bad mouth him for not being involved. I feel bad for dads in these situations. To truly love your child and be prevented from seeing them out of spite is like a dagger in the heart…shame on the moms out there who do that.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
12:35 pm

True birth control is CHUCKIE CHEESE ON A SATURDAY!!!

OMG!!!! My niece had a birthday party at the one off of Highway 85 in Fayetteville and I sat there the whole time looking around like :shock: . It reminded me of a scene from The Gremlins when they were on the loose just a runnin all over the place…..then I looked across the street and saw an Applebee’s and I wondered how many parents were over there taking a break from the kids. I mean it’s like literally right next door….wonder if that was on purpose?

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:36 pm

Kimmie – That’s just wrong. Cut the Cord heiffa.

Also – whassup with these Kate + 8 type of families popping up on tv… ENOUGH already! Yes we know YOU think you’re a saint by having 17 kids, but the rest of the world thinks you’re a NUT JOB!!!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:36 pm

This blog is full of folks that think they know more than they do. No matter the topic.

Well aint that the pot calling the kettle black..

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
12:38 pm

I have friends that come to me and talk to me about their kids. All I can do is listen with a blank stare.

When they get done, I hit ‘em with “Now you know I ain’t got no gddamn kids. Why you asking me?”

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:38 pm

then I looked across the street and saw an Applebee’s and I wondered how many parents were over there taking a break from the kids.

lol, there do tend to be quite a few unsupervised children in Chuck E. Cheese, i hate going in there cause i be ready to ack a fool with back kids. I don’t even babysit without lettin folks know off top if i can’t discipline your child you need to take em wit you cause erything in this house gets some ack right if they get out of line.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:39 pm

oops bad kids

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
12:39 pm

Its funny how people with no kids can always tell you the best way to raise kids..

While nothing beats first-hand experience, common-sense counts for something too. I never tell folks how to raise their kids because I don’t have any biologically of my own. But I have given my opinion on stuff when asked, like “if it were your child, what would you do?” or I’ll share something my mother/aunts/sister/daddy/etc said or did. But unsolicited advice – Never! I’ve had my opinion about some RANDOM kid get shot down, so I just keep my mouth shut!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:39 pm

pk a mess and it is DIRTY! YUCK!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:41 pm

Dreams M – You know that doesnt happen.. The Dads are treated totally fair in court. All Mothers tell the truth in court. The Dads are never forced out ot their childs life. The mother is always accountable for where the child support goes and its never used as adult support.. Oh And in the end its always the dudes fault.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:42 pm

Sassy – Girl that mess is scarrry. I have a friend who will be 45 tomorrow and his fiance wants to have another child. He says he doesn’t mind, but I’m like DUDE. We need to go on a field trip to CC. You have a 20 year old and a 12 year old. Why in the hell you’d want to start over is BEYOND me!

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:43 pm

You have a 20 year old and a 12 year old. Why in the hell you’d want to start over is BEYOND me!

LOL, i have to agree with that

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
12:44 pm

I will say this though – it was mentioned earlier about people who are not actively parenting the children that they have in the home….I see that a *lot*.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:45 pm

There’s an Applebees by the CC in Conyers :lol: I’ve been tempted!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:47 pm

never had the time or energy to be evil using my child….I have enough to pay for….that one wasn’t going to be it….

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:49 pm

SCool – That inactive on the weekend or every other weekend or every third Wed. or once a Monday mess just ain’t right. I’m speaking for the there all the time parent <——- Usually moms….. I know toooooo many. They have it hard….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:49 pm

Sessy – Reciprocity.. What you put in is what you get out.. I watched Monique last night well it was watching me.. And Shani the speed skater came on and he was saying that his mom would get off work and rush him across town to skate.. She did it for years. He’s from the southside of Chicago and is now the Gold medalist speed skater.. His mom put the extra effort in him that al kids need. I support my son in everything he does.. Im at PTAs, games, field trips or whatever.. I also sit down evey night he’s at my home and go over his homework if he has it.. Why because what Im putting in him now will last hi a lifetime..

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:50 pm

never had the time or energy to be evil using my child

me either,

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
12:51 pm

This blog is full of folks that think they know more than they do. No matter the topic.
We can safely substitute “world” for “blog” and maintain the statement’s truth.

Dreams M – You know that doesnt happen..
It’s a dirty game. Dudes are guilty of unknowingly falling into certain traps that come back to bite them in court though. Gotta do your homework…and get a lawyer. If you go in there trying to represent yourself while she’s all lawyered up, you might as well lay down on the tracks yourself cuz you’re about to get railroaded.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:52 pm

PrincessNik – Not to mention he’s paying child support already and strapped cause he has an Asshole for an ex-wife that ditched him with a house note so he has to pay off the apartment he was staying in to save his credit… Ummmm no.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:53 pm

Infamous you just keep on making me smile today

Why because what Im putting in him now will last hi a lifetime..

I agree with your 12:49, i get so frustrated when her dad says he can’t do something because he is tired. I’m like dude i dont give a F! that you tired. You think im not tired, you think i always feel like going to gymnastics, teeball practice, field day, reading night, or any other activity. No i don’t but i do it. I said you better remember that your kids are the ones who will take care of you in old age or shove you in a nursing home and i can tell you right now you are nursing home bound.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

I was to worried about will I be a good mom but I have sense crossed that bridge too…we are parents we are not perfect and we try to the best we can under all circumstances….it isn’t easy but the child benefits from positive reinforcement…..with that thinking back it was told to me that the mother sets the tone for behavior and that was much stress for me bc I use to raise some hell that has changed and I do see when I react a certtain way so does she so it makes you aware

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

Mq- You know my exerience has been this.. The dudes that wanna be in their childs life get it hard but the ones that dont get a break.. Ones that wanna spend time have to petition the court, beg, plead, grovel, cop pleas or simply PAY… The ones who dont give a d@mn get off scott free with the mothers wishing they would spend more time with Lil Whats His/Her Name…

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

You have a 20 year old and a 12 year old. Why in the hell you’d want to start over is BEYOND me!

:shock:

OKAY?!

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
12:55 pm

@ SexyC…..where you asking if someone knew a low cost divorce attorney? If the couple is not contesting anything and have seperate their assets without disagreement, they can file themselcves for about $120 in Fulton County.

@ Dreams…..I was the one who threw $70K out there about my ex-husband..he pays C/S and there is minimal child care costs for our 7 yr old, so there is no wipes and all that other stuff–he can still live a good life on 42K after taxes & C/S and money spent on the kids. (:)

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:56 pm

DK

your 12:54 is on point! I’ve been on one side, and i have a brother on the other side of the coin.

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
12:57 pm

JtJ – the estranged wife is in Alabama. Does that make a difference?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:01 pm

Sexy – Heck all he has to do is file.. Run a add in the paper and voila!! He’ll be divorced in 30 days.. He dont even have to serve her sh!t..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:02 pm

Sessy – Heyal run it in the county where they last lived and fill out the paper work himself.. I wouldnt pay a lawyer ish for that..

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:02 pm

Thanks, guys. I will pass that information along.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:04 pm

The dudes that wanna be in their childs life get it hard but the ones that dont get a break..
The courts are basically sticking it to all the good dudes to make up for all the suckas who do nothing.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:05 pm

Sessy – Tell him to run on down to the court house they’ll tell him exactly what he needs to do.. So dont be scuurred..

Mo (aka Moeisha )

April 20th, 2010
1:06 pm

Lady J/PrincessNik – “never had the time or energy to be evil using my child”…co-signing this 100%!

mqew – I never like CC and I still dont! Whenever Lil Mo gets an invite to a party there, the ex and I look at each other like “its your turn”! That place will make you surely never want a kid! Lil Mo will neva, eva have a party there!!

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:09 pm

SWISS..I have danced at Fundraisers before….sure I do it for Carlito’s horse! :lol:

“My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!”

Hence the reason I do NOT date men with kids on a serious level. They are in the meanwhile guys.

Other peoples brats are my birth control. Anytime I go to the store and some kid is whining or crying makes me thank God I use birth control and for the most part abstainance! :lol: I love the freedom and fun of my life. I can pick up and move to Guam and I’d only have to consider myself! I can go on a trip or shopping and the only thing I have to consider is making sure I paid all my bills. I don’t have to find a sitter to go out. It doesn’t have to be a production just to go to the store (dressing the kid and carseats and crap). And most important…when I do not feel like being bothered with anyone…I can go home to my solitude and turn off my phone and no one is demanding my attention or getting on my nerves. Now, I love babies….so I will babysit to cure any maternal yearning. And then I am back to my fun life! YAY ME!

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:10 pm

At least they are hoping it’s going to be uncontested.

Seems as if the ex has been holding out hope that they were going to get back together although she is the one that cheated AND had a baby with the dude that she cheated with.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:14 pm

Well aint that the pot calling the kettle black..

I didn’t exempt myself from that, just like you aren’t exempt from it either.

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
1:14 pm

@ SexyC- Like DK said, he can just file and say he has no clue of where she is at and file a notice in the paper for 30 days, he can have his uncontested divorce!! My former sis-in-law did the same when her husband got locked up, she just told them he disappeared…lol

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:16 pm

Sessy – Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a… I try but I

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:19 pm

Im too Hollywood for you right now..

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:20 pm

i loves me some Kels and Pumpkin, but my hubby will always come first. i will respect, follow and support him until death!

BEAUTIFUL….I have bene on the receiving end of that train of thought and let’s just say it has created a Love/Hate situation with my mami and me. I will always have the resentment because I feel as the child..I did not ask to be here. You chose to have me….so why make me the second class citizen? You love him more than the person you created and carried and risked your life to birth? If you needed a kidney or bone marrow donor I would more than likely be the one to save your life. Although I do not want kids….I would never make my kid second. I feel that I’d owe them because I was one who brought them in the hellified world. I should be the one who loves them most…only second to God!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:22 pm

I love the freedom and fun of my life.

Absolutely. If/when it’s time for me to be a wife and mother, I’ll put my all into to it. Until then, I will continue to sleep in on Saturday mornings grateful that I have no husband or child to cook for or take care of

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:27 pm

You chose to have me….so why make me the second class citizen?

BlackMagic – the problem is you felt or were treated 2nd class. That shouldn’t have gone down. Had it been done the right way, you would have seen a loving example of two people’s union that shaped you to want to emulate. You’d learn how a woman and man would be treated and that love would have trickled down to you.

SlimCoco-puff puff pass

April 20th, 2010
1:29 pm

PrincessNik I simply love that Alicia Keys song “I’m Ready” (yeah, yeah, I know I’m all late n shyt lol)

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
1:29 pm

@BMW
Kels will be 18yrs in two years and pumpkin is already 10. they have life after mom. when they’re gone it wouldn’t be fair to then turn around to the man i married in front of God and say *ok, you can be first now*.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:34 pm

Angie – Exactly. That’s why many couples end up divorcing when the kids leave home. They’ve spent so much time focusing on the kids, they don’t even know who their spouse and their needs are when it’s just the two of them left.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
1:40 pm

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts, I do believe. When folks start debating them, I get weary!

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:43 pm

Oh, lawd geezus, let me *not* start talking about how my parents had me feeling second class, damn near unwanted and practically unloved.

Should I/when I/if I ever have a child one thing that I will make certain that they never question is whether they are wanted or loved.

sheesh – the ish that people can do to screw up their kids.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:45 pm

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:45 pm

Why the frickafrack would you call me about wanting some tickets to the game tonight and then when I send you the contact information for the dude who is going to help you out you don’t call?

Double you tee eff?!?!?!

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:52 pm

SEXYCOOL..I am mad that you spelled out WTF! :lol:

BEAUTIFUL…being their ages still does not take the sting away. Granted it makes it easier especially for your oldest because he has his only thing going on. It is different for the baby. That man that you marry is not his father. So he may feel like, “I was here first..I am YOUR child…and if things don’t work out with him I am still YOUR child…so how dare you put some man over me”! It is a resentment that no matter what you do or apologize for…it never goes away. It is a hurt like no other…

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
1:53 pm

SCool – To your 1:43, I’ve seen folks do that. Treat the kids like they don’t exist almost.

BALANCE is not a part of some folks thought process and vocabulary!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
1:54 pm

I guess it stand true that for one person’s incidents or mishaps it’s a given that’s the way it flows for everybody else. Your baby mama did you wrong now it should assumed that ALL MEN are not mistreated. Please. There is no way in hades that the system, albeit not the best has wronged and misunderstood EVERY MAN documented. Really, give me a break. That rule applies to every facet of life. Just cause you ho’d a chick out don’t make all chicks one. Just like one woman thinks her ex is a dog, not all men are dogs and yes, just like your baby mama took you through the ringer (good bad or indifferent), all baby mamas ain’t doing that. Furthermore, just like there are some trifling chicks using the kids as bait and to play games all women don’t prescribe to such foolishness. The scales are always tipped when you’re the victim.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:55 pm

and that love would have trickled down to you.
Trickle down doesn’t work in economics and probably not in love either. Economics requires wealth redistribution, and love requires redistribution of affection.

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts
misunderstood/misinterpreted or differently understood & differently interpreted?

lurker

April 20th, 2010
1:55 pm

that all men ARE mistreated (since you’re baby mama ain’t right) is what I meant

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:57 pm

Think you took “trickle down” too literally.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:59 pm

There is no way in hades that the system, albeit not the best has wronged and misunderstood EVERY MAN documented.
Did someone say this?

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:59 pm

Headed out – going to attend the viewing of one of my bestie’s dad. Dude hung himself in his garage on Friday morning. All day she thought he was out on the links.

My parting words for this day:
“As bad as *it* may seem, nothing is ever *that* bad. This too shall pass.”
Show some love to someone who seems troubled.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
2:01 pm

good posts lurker…..

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:03 pm

@BMW
first off, Pumpkin loves his dad more than me, so he can give a flying F*** that he comes 2nd. lol. as long as pumpkin gets his, he’s cool. trust me. lil selfish heffa. lol.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
2:04 pm

Dreams – Did someone say this?

Verbatim? No. Implied? Yes.

Thanks Lady J

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
2:06 pm

BEAUTIFUL…well hey…do ya thang! :lol:

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:09 pm

lol. my job is to raise them and get them out the door educated and independent. and at the same time keep them happy, healthy, loving life and what it has to offer.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:09 pm

Are folks really keeping score on who loves who more?

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but perseption is not always reality.

I love both of my parents, in different ways. I can’t say I love one over the other. And I feel that they love all three of their kids for different reasons too. I don’t ever think they got more or less love than me.

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
2:10 pm

I don’t have any kids, so maybe I’m not allowed to voice an opinion on this… but I will anyway… ;-)

RE: This notion of whether kids or spouse come first… There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling the child. Yes, obviously, the real needs of the child should always be the top priority, but that does not mean catering to the kid’s every whim. Kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Not imparting this reality is actually doing the child (not to mention the rest of us that have to interact with the spoiled little sh!t) a disservice.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:12 pm

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts
misunderstood/misinterpreted or differently understood & differently interpreted?

Dreams – Uhm, yeah, all of that!LOL!!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:13 pm

…stepping in (eating my dinner for lunch :cry:

It’s always been difficult for me to process how folks view love, marriage, relationships, friendships etc. You don’t have to take from one to give to another one. Love is not your checkbook full of debits/credits you are trying to balance out. IMO and experience when you give love…pure and simple love from the heart you don’t have to worry about first class or coach, primary and secondary, but the only standard you are upholding is loving and caring unconditionally.

Pardon me, just thinking for a minute, while I eat dinner for lunch

Willie Dynamite

April 20th, 2010
2:14 pm

Afternoon All,

Are folks really keeping score on who loves who more?

Apparently so. Apparently so!!!

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:15 pm

RE: This notion of whether kids or spouse come first… There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling the child. Yes, obviously, the real needs of the child should always be the top priority, but that does not mean catering to the kid’s every whim. Kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Not imparting this reality is actually doing the child (not to mention the rest of us that have to interact with the spoiled little sh!t) a disservice.

Swiss – I have not heard it put any better and I totally agree!!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:16 pm

I remember reading Woman’s Day one time and the author of the article had several children. The children would ask her, “which one of us is your favorite, or whom do you love the most?” The author replied, “my favorite or priority is the one that needs me the most and that is forever changing.”

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:16 pm

Professor – I like your 2:13 too!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
2:17 pm

willie d I am surprised too with how many grown folk keep score no pun to anyone or any post but I am just seeing more and more folk keep a running tally going……

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
2:18 pm

Implied? Yes.
Implied or interpreted?

I don’t ever think they got more or less love than me.
Along these lines, you don’t love your kids equally, you love them accordingly.

There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling
So which one does “kids come first” come under, in your opinion? Both? Neither?

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:18 pm

Amen to your 2:13 Professor!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:20 pm

Thanks Kimmie and ARed!

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
2:20 pm

do it professor!!!!!! thanks again chica!!!!

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:21 pm

i can give a rats ass who he loves more. i’m his mother. period. and when he leaves for the long summer, who calls blowin’ up my dayum phone. *ummm, mom. ummm, what y’all doin’?* lol. too funny.

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
2:21 pm

This right here >>>>>But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
2:22 pm

pure and simple love from the heart you don’t have to worry about first class or coach, primary and secondary, but the only standard you are upholding is loving and caring unconditionally.
Does the person on the receiving end feel this way though? Or do we resort to saying that we can’t control how our love is received, but only how it is given?

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:22 pm

i can give a rats ass who he loves more.

Angie – So why even say such a thing? If you didn’t matter to you who he loved more, you wouldn’t even NOTICE such a thing.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm

On another note – Do yall even remember how many fiyah ass songs Gangstarr has. OMG! I’ve been listening alllll day!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm

Thanks Lady J!

I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid!

Exactly, what big grown woman or child running around here asking where they rank as if they are Duke going to the NCAA??? That is a red flag and it is time to move on if you have to answer that question

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm

“So which one does “kids come first” come under, in your opinion? Both? Neither?”

@ DM — Well, that obviously will vary depending on the parent, but just from my own casual observations, it seems these days there are far too many parents out there that think putting their child first falls under the latter — i.e. Junior gets whatever Junior wants. I think a big part of discipline really just boils down to forcing the child to recognize that they don’t always come first in every situation and that there are other people in this world who also deserve consideration.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:29 pm

About the “keeping score” thing – I’ve seen folks darn near 70 still talking about who loved who more or who got treated better, etc. The older I get, the more I notice a lot of people never get over things that happened in childhood, growing up.

I realized that sometimes, your parents did the best they knew with what they had. And the info they had might not have been the best, depending on where THEY came from. None of us came with an instruction manual. Sometimes, people interpret things totally different from what the true intentions or reality was.

Deep down, some of us are still children that are hurting.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:30 pm

Does the person on the receiving end feel this way though? Or do we resort to saying that we can’t control how our love is received, but only how it is given?

DreamsM
I cannot control someone’s perception. At the end of the day, I could do the Keith Sweat, Professor now crooning “I’ll give all my love to you…” however if that person views my love as not enough there isn’t a damn thing I can do.

The human mind is a powerful tool. Look at the disease, in which beautiful people look in the mirror and say they look like monsters. So at the end of the day I can give, but it is up to the receiver to have the ability to accept love and know love.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
2:30 pm

swiss coorect it is called consistent discipline…..

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:31 pm

Kimmie, Amen on that 2:29

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:31 pm

About the “keeping score” thing – I’ve seen folks darn near 70 still talking about who loved who more or who got treated better, etc. The older I get, the more I notice a lot of people never get over things that happened in childhood, growing up.

I realized that sometimes, your parents did the best they knew with what they had.

Amen kimmie!

My sister, the consumate middle child, always thought she got “less than.” She eventually had to put those bags away. One thing she could never dispute is that she was loved. She was more focused on “stuff” she didn’t get.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
2:33 pm

Swiss – Ole Chap we’ll have this child convo when you have a child.. Dude I swear I had the same mindset.. I believe in discipline and education but with a child man every situation is different. We take for granted they are gonna automatically thinklike you but they dont they have their own little minds. When you have one I hope its not a Girl.. You are a good dude now and little girl is gonna make you extra mushy.. A little boy for that matter.. Your child. Flesh of your flesh.. It changes you dude..

lurker

April 20th, 2010
2:33 pm

Dreams – Head as an implication not an interpretation. Say a person says almost daily out of their own mouth how screwed up the system is evidenced by their (spelled out) experience. Nothing to be interpreted from that. I read the way it’s written. That’s not to take away from a bad experience but it makes one become or interpreted as jaded and the naturally flow of love to a child IMO becomes skewed. I think several have said today. A parent just do what’s natural. About as natural as breathing, so as with loving and caring for you offsprings….all the while the world keeps evolving so should everything else. So when you preference your love and relationship with stipulations BECAUSE of a child and lay out the wills or won’ts, it becomes inordinate affection. Don’t get me wrong, all of us love our children (on this blog), this I believe neither do I think any one (on this blog) will mistreat or neglect and yes, if there’s a relationship issue that calls for pulling the plug because of your kid(s), then do the needful but that’s all still considered a natural reaction. I think the theme for today is BALANCE…we’ve read it referenced quite a bit.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:35 pm

because this is a blog and certain things have to be stated to make ya point. and i don’t care. i’m his mother.

abc

April 20th, 2010
2:36 pm

I’d say that if you put the child’s interests ahead of your spouse’s interests, you increase risk of divorce about 1,000,000%. You should make it clear to your children that their mother/father comes first with you. Look it up in the Bible if you need concrete reference.

It’s equally important with 2nd wives/husbands, if not more so. If the children think that they’re more important to you than someone else, the kids will use that to their selfish advantage every time, and the net result is not of benefit to the child, but rather to their detriment. They grow up believing that they’re number one everywhere they go, which does NOT help them in life.

Don’t any of you have kids? SMH

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
2:41 pm

@ DK — I don’t doubt it… I readily admit that I am a big ol’ softy, but I hope that if/when that day comes that I’m strong enough to practice what I preach because I really do believe it’s in the best interest of the child…

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

LOL @ abc. Guess us those of us with kids are still capable of common sense.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
2:47 pm

is the blog choosing sides on mates vs kiddies … who should get more love???

where’s leggs when i need a good recap?

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
2:49 pm

Single Parent Dating??

I did it for years. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
2:50 pm

I’m lucky, I found someone who understands raising children. His are grown (sometimes) :)

I’ll say this when we do get together we’re off the meter like Whoa!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:51 pm

because this is a blog and certain things have to be stated to make ya point

Yeah, even though you totally contradicted yourself… :arrow:

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:52 pm

i may have told y’all this b4 but FB has a blog like ours called Relationship Playbook. pretty good.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm

cause if you raise a child with just you and him/her in existence, that’s gonna be a beast for the rest of the world to deal with.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm

abc, I agree with you. Kids are kids and should never be allowed to interfere or come between any adult relationship whether is friends or mates. A child should be kept in a child’s place. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to a fulfilling life outside of them. Just like I wouldn’t mistreat them for someone else I will not mistreat someone else for them. Neither will I allow myself to be mistreated by either.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
2:54 pm

A child should be kept in a child’s place. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to a fulfilling life outside of them. Just like I wouldn’t mistreat them for someone else I will not mistreat someone else for them. Neither will I allow myself to be mistreated by either.

I’m sorry so many good posts today…say it say it

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:55 pm

DK – I have a friend who once she had a child, nobody in this world existed anymore. She thought the sun did not shine until her daughter woke up! It got to the point of sickening. Nobody or nothing was good enough for her child, not even the child’s very devoted & loving father. It got to where I didn’t want to be around HER – her child was sweet, but MAMA had lost it. Over the last year, though, some sense somehow has been knocked into her and she’s relaxed some. She has actually said some of the same things Swiss said in his post – who would have thunk it! First-time parent stuff, I guess. I think we all have the very best dreams & intentions for our children, but that has to be tempered with practicality & reality.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
2:56 pm

abc – Your 2:36 is very true. Regardless, of it being in the bible….

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:58 pm

i’m loving this rain. more, more! lol.

we have 4 more FB gathering like the one in Vegas between june 4 and august. i think i’m done with reconnecting with folks and get togethers. some ppl should truly stay in your past. lol.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
2:58 pm

Thanks, lurker.

kimmie, I just don’t get those type of people. How do people just have a world based on them and their kid. Heck after a certain age those kids don’t want to much to do with you any way. So why shut the whole world out for them. Love them, provide for them, teach them, spend time with them but let them be kids and go do kid stuff. And grown folks should not deprive themselves sitting there watching kids play with kids. Get some grown up friends. Do grown up things.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:00 pm

Yeah, I have a friend who couldn’t wait to get remarried, so that she can have kids. Well, she ended up getting knocked up and now she has no desire to marry her child’s father (he’d like to marry her). Now that she has her kid, I do believe the outside world will fail to exist.

But she’s also starting to realize what a tougher road she’s chosen, especially since she’s already put the kid over her man.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:04 pm

And don’t let kids sit around in grown folk conversations. Make them go outside somewhere and be a child.

I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.

When I was dating my boys were around but the didn’t talk in conversation with my date and I unless we were talking to them. We would sometimes watch a movie or television program that was kid friendly so they could be in the room. But they knew to stay in their place.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:04 pm

I’d say that if you put the child’s interests ahead of your spouse’s interests, you increase risk of divorce about 1,000,000%
I don’t think anyone has objected to this. I think the debate is whether you should put your child’s needs ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Bible if you need concrete reference.
Is this really a concrete referrence?

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:07 pm

DreamsMat, needs should never come second to interest. Even if you flipped it around it still should be. Just like a spouse’s interest should not come before a child’s need, a spouse’s need should not fall second to a child’s interest.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
3:07 pm

Raqi – It’s wild, because her daughter is very independent. Everywhere we go together she seeks out other kids & makes friends. She begged to start preschool.

I purposely made a grown-up dinner double-date with me & SO & her & her husband. I asked SO’s parents if they would babysit her daughter as well as SO’s kids. They were happy to do it. The minute baby girl hit the house she fell right in with SO’s 2 kids. His parents said she was well-mannered & no trouble at all. Even though she was 3, she hung with the other kids & they loved her. Mom & Dad tried to stress a little bit at the dinner, but I wouldn’t let them (and made sure they had a few drinks!) They were very grateful for the evening off!

Things have been much better since then. But everyone around them was about to go crazy!!!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:08 pm

I think the debate is whether you should put your child’s needs ahead of your spouse’s interests.

No, that isn’t the debate. abc got it right.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:09 pm


I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.

Raqi – I was always the kid trying to be with the grown folks at the card parties. My parents weren’t having it. :lol:

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:10 pm

Kimmie,

I knew of a lady that slept in the room with her child until her child said Mommy I want to sleep in my own room. She stated she was afraid something would happen at night such as a robbery, fire, illness etc. and she would not be able to save her daughter. This same lady also cooked around her daughter. I witnessed this personally…the mother said we are having grits, eggs and turkey bacon. Professor stay and have some…the daughter came in right when the grits were getting poured and started crying because she wanted pancakes. The mom made pancakes too. I laughed and asked the kid “why are you crying.”

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:10 pm

kimmie, some people are just…I don’t know. Kids don’t even want to be around their parents all the time. Like you said take a child into a room and if there are other kids there playing that child will make its way to those other kids.

I love my kids and will die for them but I am not putting my life on hold just to watch a kid play. LOL You know.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
3:11 pm

,em>I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.

For real,right? Back in the day that would’ve been five across the lips…..literally. I know some of us remember granny givin’ you that thwack on the lips for “bein grown”.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:12 pm

I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.

I wonder about this one a lot, because growing up we knew not to get in grown folks conversation. However, I keep thinking maybe times are changing and a lot of parents like to boast on how smart their children are. So, when a kid can kick it with grown folks is that a good or bad thing? I am serious about this…please share y’all insight

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:14 pm

Oh, and glad to see you on here Raqi. :)

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:16 pm

Sassy, yeah we were not allowed to get into grown folks conversation.

Professor, those kids do that because their parents talk to them like they are grown. I don’t hold conversations with my kids about what is going on between my husband and myself, or my friends and I. It’s not of their business. They are children and should stay in their place. And mine know that they better even ask me certain things.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
3:17 pm

Sassy – I know some of us remember granny givin’ you that thwack on the lips for “bein grown”.

LOL, yes I remember

IMO – A kid can’t and won’t every kick it like a grown person until they’ve grown into such. A child too grown or too sassy or can hange with the best of them (i.e. being grown folks), just makes a mess. There’s a reason for different stages and phases in life. There’s something to be taken away, learned, embraced in each of them. I think the way of the world today might be an evident token of what’s gone wrong.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:18 pm

Hey, AmazonRed. The little one and I were hanging out today. I went to see two of my friends. Then I went to the mall and the grocery. I baked a chocolate cake this afternoon that I have been fighting not to have a second slice. LOL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

Hey, AmazonRed. The little one and I were hanging out today.

I’m not even into kids, but I’m gonna steal that one. Just FYI! She’s precious!!!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

No, that isn’t the debate. abc got it right.
That is the debate. No one today has said or otherwise implied that you should put your child’s interests before your spouse’s interests. People are objecting to putting a spouse’s/SO’s selfish interests before the needs of their child.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

A child too grown or too sassy or can hange with the best of them (i.e. being grown folks), just makes a mess.

I know someone that has a gifted child with a very High IQ my mother and I feel that the husband and wife allows the child to sit with the adults to show the kid off. All of the kids will be outside playing and that little :evi: sits with the adults and hold court. Please keep in mind if my mom is talking to folks in her age range I still keep these lips zipped unless they ask me something. I was just wondering if it was a status thing if you have a smart child. (I know that sounds crazy, but I was wondering, tho).

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:22 pm

lurker, people just don’t realize how they ruin their kids when the don’t make them stay in their place. You let them be grown before their time they are going to think the are as grown as or growner than you and then you won’t be able to do anything with them.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

Raqi – Too many folks are trying to be friends with their kids, instead of parents. My mom used to say that.

But I’ll do you one better. I have a good friend who always made this promise that she would stop whatever she was doing to listen to her child. She said her parents didn’t listen to her growing up, so with HER child it would be different! I cannot count the number of times that she & I would be on the phone & her daughter would interrupt the conversation! And she would STOP talking to me or whomever on the phone & hold a complete conversation with her daughter about WHATEVER! Not an emergency, not “Mommy, I’m sick or something on the stove is burning”! Just “Mommy, can I go skating tomorrow or wear that blue dress, etc”! I just started telling her to call me back when she had time or when her daughter went to bed!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

They are children and should stay in their place.

That’s part of the problem…first off, alot of times you have kids raising kids and when they first start doing grown stuff the parents think it’s cute or funny. Then, when little mama/man gets outta pocket they looking at you like “who gon check me,boo?

Lurker2

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

@JtJ- That was a nice infomercial for your ex-hubby… But, ummm one has to ask…Since you didn’t like him enough to make it work, why would you want someone else to endure him… Unless of course, he has “changed”….

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

but I’m gonna steal that one

Amazon, the next time she wakes me up at 3am imma call you to come get her. LOL

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:26 pm

Professor – Raqi is very right! A kid has a kid place.

I remember getting a beat down as a kid when we had a poker table AND a pool table in our basement. Well, I thought it was my duty to sneak down there and look cute in my PJ’s when dad had his parties, that was the time for me to shine… I would rack up on the loot from the money I’d get. All the money sitting on the table… Moms beat me down. But my piggy bank was full…

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:27 pm

No one today has said or otherwise implied that you should put your child’s interests before your spouse’s interests.

Yes they have.

People are objecting to putting a spouse’s/SO’s selfish interests before the needs of their child.

No they arent. The crux of the debate is what it means to but your spouse “first” without your child feeling short changed.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:28 pm

Amazon, the next time she wakes me up at 3am imma call you to come get her. LOL

Dammit. :lol:

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:28 pm

I cannot count the number of times that she & I would be on the phone

kimmie, my boys knew if the house wasn’t on fire, there was not blood or no one was dead they had better wait until I was off the phone. Hell you know if I don’t get off the phone sometimes for my husband I am surely not getting off for a child and it’s not an emergency.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:30 pm

@Raqi…I hate to keep mentioning this little lad, but it is a mess. My mom was talking and I guess she was taking too long. The kid raised his hand like he was at school so that he could be next. I LMAO…I was grinning and laughing. My mom had the nerve to tell me that she started to pinch me for laughing so hard, and I should have ignored him like she did. Shoot she should have pinched him :roll: , but of course I am not allowed to talk back to mama. (oh yea, his parents were there as well they didn’t say anything…the mother saw me getting some food and said you are so silly, and stated the boys IQ again).

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

So, when a kid can kick it with grown folks is that a good or bad thing? I am serious about this…please share y’all insight
I don’t think kids should ever really kick it with grown folks, but I would give mine some flexibility for them to voice their opinion. I was also raised to “stay in your place”, but remember some times I didn’t agree with what adults had to say. For example, when I was in high school, one of my little cousins was joking around and called me an “african booty scratcher”. I told her that we all came from Africa. Her mother told me that black people in America had no connection to Africa. I disagreed, but in her opinion I should have agreed because she was grown, but she didn’t know what she was talking about. To this day, I feel justified in disagreeing with her. I don’t think it made me disrespectful, just a person with a different viewpoint.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

@mqew I believe Raqi on the kid being in a kid’s place, but this one hits home. Please see my 3:30 and you will see why

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

without your child feeling short changed

Amazon, when a child needs are met they will not bother you. Believe me when I tell you. They only a child “feels shortchanged” is when that child is a brat. Period.

There are kids that will try and deter their parents attention from other people around because that child is a brat. All that parent needs to do is put that child in it’s place one time and they problem will be solved.

However, we cannot deny that there are parents that do ignore their kids when the mate is around. That is just as bad as a kid being bratty.

Unforturnately this life is made of many different types of people. The good, the bad and the unspeakable.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

They only a child “feels shortchanged” is when that child is a brat. Period.

Both BlackMagicWoman and SexyCool felt that they were shortchanged by their parents. While they didn’t elaborate, I do know that parents can put their mate first in ways that aren’t productive to the household. So maybe there is more to it than just brattiness.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

Clarification – wasn’t stealing…. they felt inclined to give it to me. Which, I’m sure, made my mother angrier…

Sassy – I’m glad I didn’t have that type of grandmother. I know of a few granny’s that are the slap yo mouf kind. Mine was an angel, because I could do no wrong :lol: No, she was just an angel period.

What happened to those grandmothers. Now days, you have more Madea types. :-| What happened to the Big Momma’s??????

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

The kid raised his hand like he was at school so that he could be next.

Professor, that made me LOL literally. At least he didn’t just but in. He asked for permission by the raising of the hand. LOL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

@Raqi – Whoops, the latter part of your post did give another theory. My bad.

Yvonne

April 20th, 2010
3:37 pm

I don’t mind dating a man with children…just as long as they are either the same age or OLDER than my children. I have an adult child and a 17 year old who will turn 18 this year. I refuse to raise another man’s children. No man helped me raise mine, I’m not raising his. If that’s being selfish then “oh well”.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:38 pm

Amazon, I said that in the same post. I do know that there are kids that are mistreated and rightfully feel shortchanged. But I spoke first about the kids that just demand attention. Those are brats.

millionaire1

April 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

Dating period is always a challenge regardless of being a single parent or not. Any type of dating requires balance and time to get to know the person. Single parents that date are even more of a challenge however, before that single parent date they should (make sure you have all of your duck in a row) an not bring another person into your life especially if things are all out-of-sort, ie staring on relationship after ending one prior. No body like to deal with drama or any baggage.

I’m a single parent of a teenage daughter who is soon to graduate high school and I wouldn’t want to bring anyone into my life or hers without
fixing matters. It wouldn’t be fair to gentleman I meet! When I do date again, all past issues would have been taken care of…period.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
3:43 pm

good nite beauties!

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:43 pm

Prof – That boy’s IQ has nothing to do with the convo. His parents are wrong. They need to tell him to go read the Encyclopedia AGAIN or something. Get to gettin…. Sounds like he need a 10,000 piece puzzle…. Sometin

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

No they arent. The crux of the debate is what it means to but your spouse “first” without your child feeling short changed.
That’s in reference to SCool and BMW, but before they chimed in people were talking about SO’s who attempt to force a parent to choose their interests over their child’s needs.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

ahhh, Raqi, you got it right! that’s been a pet peeve of mine since forever. can’t stand when some parents allow their kids carte blanche in grown folks business, conversations, and good times. nothing like trying to enjoy cards and music and the kids are right there asking questions and making comments and joining in. GO PLAY XBOX!!!!!!

i was a ‘gifted’ kid but my parents did NOT allow me putting my 2 cents into their adult convos. i did not have my big head stuck up in the middle of their gatherings either. my sister is terrible at drawing any type of boundary when it comes to her kids. so much so that she has had the nerve to bring them along when we plan a night out. we’ve actually had to tell her NO! mind you, we were brought up the same way soooo??? SMDH for real.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:45 pm

She’s up. Any volunteers to change a poopy diaper.

And you know it starts early with kids demanding attention. Even Elizabeth at the young age of 10 months gets a stern word now for crying just because or not wanting to stay in her crib.

I popped her the other day. LOL It was just a light tap but she got the message.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

mqew- at this point I blame the parents, because he start talking they sit up a little straighter and they lean in. You can tell they enjoy watching him. Now, it is funny to me watching him, and he will change the convo and everything. Shoot he gets me in trouble, my mama does not want me laughing and carrying on.

Things to Do

1. Get IQ manchild a puzzle and book before the next gathering.
2. Find a kiddie chair so he can get in his place

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

That’s in reference to SCool and BMW, but before they chimed in people were talking about SO’s who attempt to force a parent to choose their interests over their child’s needs.

And they were ALSO talking about interests over interests which is what abc read and picked up on.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:49 pm

She’s up. Any volunteers to change a poopy diaper.

I don’t do poopy diapers. Not even for my adorable niece and nephew. Horray for auntie hood!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:51 pm

@Yvonne, what if his small children were the only minus you could find in the relationship would you still walk away?

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:51 pm

Raqi – Every since Mason was a baby. If adults were talking and he’s in the room, then we all bust out in laughter…. EVERY TIME he would bust out in tears crying. I mean every time. So now, he’s three and if my voice is raised for whatever reason, he’ll start with the, “MAMA you’re to loud!” Then if I keep going he’ll keep saying MAMA MAMA MAMA. Needless to say, he’s been reprimanded, but he still does it… His days are numbered doin it though.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
3:53 pm

Yvonne, i find my self in that scenario (rather unexpectedly). i’ll keep you posted :lol:

seriously though, as Professor pointed out, it’s the sum total of what the two of you have going on that ultimately matters most.

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
3:56 pm

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm

Raqi, your post was absolutely the bomb (BAM)!

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

Elizabeth was crying Sunday night and I brought her into bed with us and she wanted to play all over the bed. She kept moving and moving. Mason got irritated and said “raqi will you please get her? put her on the other side of you!!!”.

See when he is laying on the floor and letting her crawl over him he is in daddy heaven. She thinks it’s okay to do that whenever he is laying down and she wants to play. All that to say kids only do what they are allowed to do. You have to teach them early that there is a time and place for everything.

And that includes that little genius that Professor is talking about. He needs to learn the proper time to show off his smarts. At school. LOL

And when mommy and daddy are talking on the phone and to other people that is not the time for them talk about stuff that is not an emergency.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

Prof – 10,000 piece, let the high IQ manchild handle that for a min.

ARed – You remind me of Mason’s Aunt. She was soooooo excited to keep him last time she did cause it had been awhile as her and her brother fell out. Anyhoo, she kept him overnight and wasn’t expecting the demanding lil 3yo he had become; with an extended vocab telling her what he wanted how he wanted it and when he wanted it. He wore her butt out! She didn’t know to ’slow his roll’. If you don’t put a stop to it, he’ll have you, “We have to go find it at Walmart!” :lol: We haven’t seen her since. That was in Feb…

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:03 pm

LL411, people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up. Yeah priorities have to be put in order but the mindset of not having a life is so not true.

My kids have never kept me from having a life to date and spend some time with my friends. And my husband has never made it where I cannot tend to the needs and interest of my kids and spend time with my friends. And friends and kids will never make it so I cannot spend time with my husband. It takes some doing but it is doable. You have to plan around certain things but you still can have life. Your husband and kids are just a part of that life.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

And that includes that little genius that Professor is talking about. He needs to learn the proper time to show off his smarts. At school.
Maybe this boy is starving for knowledge and information, and his parents may not be supplying it as they should. Maybe they ought to find more child-friendly ways for him to quench his intellectual thirst.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:05 pm

DreamsMat, they should give him a truck to play with.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:08 pm

DreamsMat, they should give him a truck to play with.
What if he has no interest in that? Should you force interests on him because you believe it’s what a kid should like? Maybe go to the hobby store and help him pick out parts to build a truck.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:14 pm

DreamsMat, I am not talking about a truck necessarily. I am just saying let the boy stay a child.

When my sons were growing up they had lots toys that required building and thinking. I kept them with plenty of books to read. And I made sure they went outside to play. My oldest is now at Mich Uni to get his engineering degree. He wants to be a aerospace engineer like his grandfather. He was given the opportunity to strengthen his building and mechanical skills as a child in play. I wish him the best. That knucklehead.

Now my younger son, he is less mechanical but more of a thinker. He likes brainteasers and rubic cube type of puzzles. However he too was given toys to build with to strengthen his skills.

The thing with both is I put toys in the hands as kids. My second son was reading at 3 but I didn’t take the toy out of his because he was reading early. I just gave him child friendly materials. Children need to play.

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

RAQI..Elizabeth is a little doll! Just too adorable!

As fara as rude kids…can’t stand them! Now the child who sees to adults talking and butts in an starting talking to his/her mom…that is the parent’s fault. My mami taught me at a young age to only interrupt the convo if it was an emergency…and I had to say excuse me mami and wait for her to respond. She also taught me to only act ana a$$ at home and not in front of company! I attempted to blackmail her in front of a police station because I had heard onthe news that parents could go to jail if they hit their kids. So I threw my one an only tantrum at 6 in front a cop and she proceeded to whip my a$$ and the cop told her he could arrest her and she went off on him. Dude was speecheless and I was scared sh*tless because I knew that crazy lady was gonna get me at home! Today a lot of these kids do not fear their parents. They have NO respect and that is why they are unruly and my birth control! :lol:

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks. Other than that, stay in ya place. I can’t stand my brother’s daughter. Number one, she’s had a phone since she was seven, number 2 she’s too dang grown, number three she’s too dang grown and lastly, she’s too dang grown. He’s out making babies dang near sixty, folks asking if it’s his grandchild. He’s the only idiot in the room thing her sassy mouth is cute. I don’t overstep my boundaries in disciplining her but when she steps in my circle, all grown and stuff I shut her down with the quickness.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:16 pm

Thanks BlackMagic.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:17 pm

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks

lurker, I know, right. If they want to be go before their time let them go all the way.

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:18 pm

people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up.

lovelyliz

April 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

From a slightly different perspective:

My sister and her husband have been divorce for more than 3 years. She has custody of their 13-year-old daughter. My sister waited to start going out and has never brought any of her dates tp the house. She only goes out when her daughter is not at home.

Her ex-husband on the other hand was shacking up a month after the divorce was final. He had his daughter spend the night over at the shackette’s place. A year after the move in there was a toss out. A month later he meets a woman he hasn’t seen in 20 years and that weekend has her ensconced at his place while she is in town. Introduces her to his daughter. Has her kids at his place a couple of weeks later and brings his daughter over. That vacation romance lasted less than 3 months. Daughter is rather upset and confused.

He has visitation rights that he occasionally remembers and there not much my sister can do. What does bother him is when he gets bored and can’t get a hold of his ex-wife and accuses her of doing God knows what. Rather convenient amnesia he has.

Dating a single parent is now a reality. What to look for is how they handle themselves around their children. Don’t get offended if you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and he/she doesn’t bring their kids around.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

Raqi – lurker, I know, right. If they want to be go before their time let them go all the way.

Hey, that’s how my mama put it to us and funny thing is you hurrup and moved back in your lane…LOL All kidding aside, that’s why kids are entrusted into the hands of adults. We’re the ones with the experience and oversight until they’re able to think and act soundly and rationally on their own.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:23 pm

Honestly it’s good to read there are folks obviously raised along the same lines as yourself and still hold to the values instilled. I feel like if I turned out pretty good (whippings, punishments and all), there had to be some good behind requiring a child do and act right.

KJ

April 20th, 2010
4:24 pm

Had to comment on this one. Good questions posed. As a single mother of two teens, I can admit now that I was not dating material when they were younger, there were a lot of unresolved issues. However, I’m older now and (hopefully) wiser, the kids are older (one off to college and one in high school), and those unresolved issues have been resolved one way or another. It’s pretty much been just the three of us for the last 12 years, and I’ve made my peace with that. Dating IS possible, especially when the kids don’t need constant supervision, and I do agree in full disclosure up front that you have kids. At this point, my kids are busy with their own pursuits and would like to see me dating someone again. Ahhh, if it were only that easy… The desire is there, where does everyone go to meet new people these days?

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:26 pm

You are correct Lovelyliz. Dating as a single parent is very much are a reality for more than a few. And it can be quite difficult at times. Many guys disappeared when I told them I had kids but hey I knew that was going to be the case with many going in. But it never detered me. I wasn’t going to “Susan Smith” my kids for some dizzle. Ain’t richard in this world that good.

When you choose to pick from the lemon tree learn to make lemonade.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:26 pm

DreamsMat, I am not talking about a truck necessarily. I am just saying let the boy stay a child.
I said in my post that they should find more “child friendly” ways to quench his intellectual thirst, so we agree.

My oldest is now at Mich Uni to get his engineering degree.
That’s where I did my EE and Physics grad degrees. I worked in aerospace as well, for DoD and NASA. Great school…#3 in Engineering in the nation. I wish him the best.

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks.
Why this approach? If he’s really advanced, then he may be utterly bored. His parents should give him more child friendly activities that challenge him. Otherwise, the only intellectual challenge he has it so engage adults. But if you tell him he can’t engage adults, AND you don’t provide challenging activities for him, then you’re stagnating him.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

Ain’t NO richard in this…

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

“The desire is there, where does everyone go to meet new people these days?”

You could always try for a blog hook-up. I’m sure we would all approve (for entertainment purposes, if nothing else)… ;-)

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up.

The blog ate my post after this…

I said that I like my life without husband and kids because when I am ready to do something…I just do it. No need find a sitter or see what hubby has planned. My crew and I can just hit each other with a text or email or a FB with a plan and we just go for it! The only thing I have to consider is…what are my funds looking like…what am I going to wear and who is driving!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Dreams – A child could very well be advanced….yes, chanel that gift though means suited for a child. No matter how smart, allowing a child to be a grown folk buttinsky will only cause more harm. The you have a know it all, too grown brat. Being gifted ain’t never equated to or is an an excuse for being smart. I had the 3rd highest GPA in elementary and graduated high school with the same ranking but I was a child none the less. My mama/pops wasn’t having it.

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:35 pm

“I wasn’t going to “Susan Smith” my kids for some dizzle”

If I remember correctly, ol’ Susan didn’t do it for dizzle, she did it for “god.”

(Sorry — I know I shouldn’t open that can of worms again, but I couldn’t resist. Pay no attention to the heathen in the room.) ;-)

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:39 pm

Actually, I misspoke — Susan Smith was a different psycho. I’m thinking of the lady that drowned her kid in the bathtub because it was the “antichrist” — forget her name…

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:40 pm

What are a child’s needs? Food, clothing, shelter, an education, exposure to the arts, church, not necessarily in that order. Who would deny such things to ANY child? Certainly, anyone who would wish for a child to go without basic necessities in lieu of themselves is not qualified to participate.

But beyond that, they’re kids. They need to go to their room to read, go play the game downstairs, leave Mom and Dad alone to be with each other, because Mom and Dad’s relationship requires it. Absent kids: in the house, but out of our hair.

The kid shouldn’t rely upon his parents to be at ball games, school concerts and plays, whatever — not saying that parents would want to never attend, but the kid needs to form interests of his own, without the hovering parent, without regard for if his parents even care about it, outside of supporting it in terms of buying a ball, bat and glove, a musical instrument for them to play, etc.

The relationship between the parents needs to come first, with the relationship between parents and children being secondary. Reference to differences between ‘needs’ and ‘interests’ just obscures the truth about it.

NACMom

April 20th, 2010
4:41 pm

I’ve been a single mom of 3 for 10 years, not sharing custody with their father at all. They are all now teenagers. I absolutely refused to date for a lot of years. I had a lot of friends, but wouldn’t bring anyone home to meet the kids. I just didn’t want that ‘revolving door’ other people want. I have been in a relationship with a man for a couple of years, and they do get along with him. BUT I have no plans to marry him or even have him live with us, until my children are all out and on their own. Right now, I am not even sure we are going to be together much longer anyway. I just feel like if you have children ,they are your 1st priority. You can have ‘your life’ when they have their own lives! I did try to ‘date’, but some men just couldn’t understand my life.If I am going to be ’single’ again, it will take a lot for me to date. Just don’t know who I can trust anymore.

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:43 pm

Actually, I once had a girlfriend whose 13-14 year old kid would simply not go away. That kid was a major pain in the butt, I was seriously hatin me a kid, little smart azz. I can’t say he didn’t contribute to the breakup, although she was also a major pain in the butt — that’s where he got it from, apple not falling far from the tree.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:49 pm

No matter how smart, allowing a child to be a grown folk buttinsky will only cause more harm
I didn’t say a child should be allowed to do this. I said that if you fail to provide activities that challenge your child, then they will seek other avenues to challenge them, possibly engaging adults.

Reference to differences between ‘needs’ and ‘interests’ just obscures the truth about it.
There is no obscurity in differentiating a need from an interest. They absolutely aren’t the same, nor is it a matter of semantics. Any argument has to be based on clear definitions. Failing to establish clear definitions “obscures the truth”.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:51 pm

Dreams – any parent paying attention already knows this no?

I said that if you fail to provide activities that challenge your child, then they will seek other avenues to challenge them, possibly engaging adults.

That’s so not the reason kids are out of place today.

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:51 pm

Parent-child relationships are secondary to the parents’ relationship, period. That doesn’t imply that parents can be irresponsible; but it does flat-out state that the parents’ relationship must come first. Else, dysfunction is a probability.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
5:01 pm

Dreams – any parent paying attention already knows this no?
Emphasis on “paying attention”. I’m sure we would agree that parents who don’t pay attention are a dime a dozen.

That’s so not the reason kids are out of place today.
I didn’t offer that as the reason why kids are out of place. That’s a completely different arguments. I offered that as a reason why an advanced kid might attempt to engage in adult conversation. We were talking about the kid that Professor mentioned who was “gifted” and sometimes engaged adults.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
5:06 pm

That doesn’t imply that parents can be irresponsible; but it does flat-out state that the parents’ relationship must come first. Else, dysfunction is a probability. If you always put yourself first, then there is the always the possibility for irresponsibility. So it does imply irresponsibility, but it doesn’t necessitate it. Also, dysfunction is always a probability, no matter which path you choose. The probability may be small, but it still exists.

abc

April 20th, 2010
5:37 pm

I meant to say that dysfunction is a major probability. I disagree that putting one’s marital relationship first makes for any increased incidence of irresponsibility, that doesn’t make any sense. The possibility for irresponsibility would be the same for most normal people, greater for those suffering from dysfunction, such as children who were catered to too much, at the expense of their parents’ relationship.

KJ

April 20th, 2010
6:30 pm

“You could always try for a blog hook-up. I’m sure we would all approve (for entertainment purposes, if nothing else)…”

Been there, blogged that? The new NEW online dating venue? I’m sure the possibilities are there, not just for entertainment purposes, but I suppose a good laugh is needed daily and that could provide it. Care to expand on that thought?

Dokemion

April 21st, 2010
2:17 pm

It’s hard to move forward after a broken relationship especially if you already have a responsibility (child). But we are humans and can’t do anything but live with it searching for the right person to grow old with us.

For single mother who seeks financial assistance visit: http://www.singlemomfinancialhelp.com/blog/state-assistance-programs-for-single-mothers/

[...] will be a lot different. A guy has to understand that there are times you have to juggle between parenting and dating and if he is okay with that, then you’ve got something [...]