accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Single parent dating

Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are.  I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down.  They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children.  They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.

Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood.  I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding.  What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?  If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son.  It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me.  What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?

373 comments Add your comment

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

Raqi – lurker, I know, right. If they want to be go before their time let them go all the way.

Hey, that’s how my mama put it to us and funny thing is you hurrup and moved back in your lane…LOL All kidding aside, that’s why kids are entrusted into the hands of adults. We’re the ones with the experience and oversight until they’re able to think and act soundly and rationally on their own.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:23 pm

Honestly it’s good to read there are folks obviously raised along the same lines as yourself and still hold to the values instilled. I feel like if I turned out pretty good (whippings, punishments and all), there had to be some good behind requiring a child do and act right.

KJ

April 20th, 2010
4:24 pm

Had to comment on this one. Good questions posed. As a single mother of two teens, I can admit now that I was not dating material when they were younger, there were a lot of unresolved issues. However, I’m older now and (hopefully) wiser, the kids are older (one off to college and one in high school), and those unresolved issues have been resolved one way or another. It’s pretty much been just the three of us for the last 12 years, and I’ve made my peace with that. Dating IS possible, especially when the kids don’t need constant supervision, and I do agree in full disclosure up front that you have kids. At this point, my kids are busy with their own pursuits and would like to see me dating someone again. Ahhh, if it were only that easy… The desire is there, where does everyone go to meet new people these days?

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:26 pm

You are correct Lovelyliz. Dating as a single parent is very much are a reality for more than a few. And it can be quite difficult at times. Many guys disappeared when I told them I had kids but hey I knew that was going to be the case with many going in. But it never detered me. I wasn’t going to “Susan Smith” my kids for some dizzle. Ain’t richard in this world that good.

When you choose to pick from the lemon tree learn to make lemonade.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:26 pm

DreamsMat, I am not talking about a truck necessarily. I am just saying let the boy stay a child.
I said in my post that they should find more “child friendly” ways to quench his intellectual thirst, so we agree.

My oldest is now at Mich Uni to get his engineering degree.
That’s where I did my EE and Physics grad degrees. I worked in aerospace as well, for DoD and NASA. Great school…#3 in Engineering in the nation. I wish him the best.

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks.
Why this approach? If he’s really advanced, then he may be utterly bored. His parents should give him more child friendly activities that challenge him. Otherwise, the only intellectual challenge he has it so engage adults. But if you tell him he can’t engage adults, AND you don’t provide challenging activities for him, then you’re stagnating him.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

Ain’t NO richard in this…

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

“The desire is there, where does everyone go to meet new people these days?”

You could always try for a blog hook-up. I’m sure we would all approve (for entertainment purposes, if nothing else)… ;-)

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up.

The blog ate my post after this…

I said that I like my life without husband and kids because when I am ready to do something…I just do it. No need find a sitter or see what hubby has planned. My crew and I can just hit each other with a text or email or a FB with a plan and we just go for it! The only thing I have to consider is…what are my funds looking like…what am I going to wear and who is driving!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Dreams – A child could very well be advanced….yes, chanel that gift though means suited for a child. No matter how smart, allowing a child to be a grown folk buttinsky will only cause more harm. The you have a know it all, too grown brat. Being gifted ain’t never equated to or is an an excuse for being smart. I had the 3rd highest GPA in elementary and graduated high school with the same ranking but I was a child none the less. My mama/pops wasn’t having it.

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:35 pm

“I wasn’t going to “Susan Smith” my kids for some dizzle”

If I remember correctly, ol’ Susan didn’t do it for dizzle, she did it for “god.”

(Sorry — I know I shouldn’t open that can of worms again, but I couldn’t resist. Pay no attention to the heathen in the room.) ;-)

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
4:39 pm

Actually, I misspoke — Susan Smith was a different psycho. I’m thinking of the lady that drowned her kid in the bathtub because it was the “antichrist” — forget her name…

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:40 pm

What are a child’s needs? Food, clothing, shelter, an education, exposure to the arts, church, not necessarily in that order. Who would deny such things to ANY child? Certainly, anyone who would wish for a child to go without basic necessities in lieu of themselves is not qualified to participate.

But beyond that, they’re kids. They need to go to their room to read, go play the game downstairs, leave Mom and Dad alone to be with each other, because Mom and Dad’s relationship requires it. Absent kids: in the house, but out of our hair.

The kid shouldn’t rely upon his parents to be at ball games, school concerts and plays, whatever — not saying that parents would want to never attend, but the kid needs to form interests of his own, without the hovering parent, without regard for if his parents even care about it, outside of supporting it in terms of buying a ball, bat and glove, a musical instrument for them to play, etc.

The relationship between the parents needs to come first, with the relationship between parents and children being secondary. Reference to differences between ‘needs’ and ‘interests’ just obscures the truth about it.

NACMom

April 20th, 2010
4:41 pm

I’ve been a single mom of 3 for 10 years, not sharing custody with their father at all. They are all now teenagers. I absolutely refused to date for a lot of years. I had a lot of friends, but wouldn’t bring anyone home to meet the kids. I just didn’t want that ‘revolving door’ other people want. I have been in a relationship with a man for a couple of years, and they do get along with him. BUT I have no plans to marry him or even have him live with us, until my children are all out and on their own. Right now, I am not even sure we are going to be together much longer anyway. I just feel like if you have children ,they are your 1st priority. You can have ‘your life’ when they have their own lives! I did try to ‘date’, but some men just couldn’t understand my life.If I am going to be ’single’ again, it will take a lot for me to date. Just don’t know who I can trust anymore.

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:43 pm

Actually, I once had a girlfriend whose 13-14 year old kid would simply not go away. That kid was a major pain in the butt, I was seriously hatin me a kid, little smart azz. I can’t say he didn’t contribute to the breakup, although she was also a major pain in the butt — that’s where he got it from, apple not falling far from the tree.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:49 pm

No matter how smart, allowing a child to be a grown folk buttinsky will only cause more harm
I didn’t say a child should be allowed to do this. I said that if you fail to provide activities that challenge your child, then they will seek other avenues to challenge them, possibly engaging adults.

Reference to differences between ‘needs’ and ‘interests’ just obscures the truth about it.
There is no obscurity in differentiating a need from an interest. They absolutely aren’t the same, nor is it a matter of semantics. Any argument has to be based on clear definitions. Failing to establish clear definitions “obscures the truth”.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:51 pm

Dreams – any parent paying attention already knows this no?

I said that if you fail to provide activities that challenge your child, then they will seek other avenues to challenge them, possibly engaging adults.

That’s so not the reason kids are out of place today.

abc

April 20th, 2010
4:51 pm

Parent-child relationships are secondary to the parents’ relationship, period. That doesn’t imply that parents can be irresponsible; but it does flat-out state that the parents’ relationship must come first. Else, dysfunction is a probability.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
5:01 pm

Dreams – any parent paying attention already knows this no?
Emphasis on “paying attention”. I’m sure we would agree that parents who don’t pay attention are a dime a dozen.

That’s so not the reason kids are out of place today.
I didn’t offer that as the reason why kids are out of place. That’s a completely different arguments. I offered that as a reason why an advanced kid might attempt to engage in adult conversation. We were talking about the kid that Professor mentioned who was “gifted” and sometimes engaged adults.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
5:06 pm

That doesn’t imply that parents can be irresponsible; but it does flat-out state that the parents’ relationship must come first. Else, dysfunction is a probability. If you always put yourself first, then there is the always the possibility for irresponsibility. So it does imply irresponsibility, but it doesn’t necessitate it. Also, dysfunction is always a probability, no matter which path you choose. The probability may be small, but it still exists.

abc

April 20th, 2010
5:37 pm

I meant to say that dysfunction is a major probability. I disagree that putting one’s marital relationship first makes for any increased incidence of irresponsibility, that doesn’t make any sense. The possibility for irresponsibility would be the same for most normal people, greater for those suffering from dysfunction, such as children who were catered to too much, at the expense of their parents’ relationship.

KJ

April 20th, 2010
6:30 pm

“You could always try for a blog hook-up. I’m sure we would all approve (for entertainment purposes, if nothing else)…”

Been there, blogged that? The new NEW online dating venue? I’m sure the possibilities are there, not just for entertainment purposes, but I suppose a good laugh is needed daily and that could provide it. Care to expand on that thought?

Dokemion

April 21st, 2010
2:17 pm

It’s hard to move forward after a broken relationship especially if you already have a responsibility (child). But we are humans and can’t do anything but live with it searching for the right person to grow old with us.

For single mother who seeks financial assistance visit: http://www.singlemomfinancialhelp.com/blog/state-assistance-programs-for-single-mothers/

[...] will be a lot different. A guy has to understand that there are times you have to juggle between parenting and dating and if he is okay with that, then you’ve got something [...]