accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Single parent dating

Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are.  I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down.  They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children.  They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.

Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood.  I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding.  What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?  If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son.  It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me.  What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?

373 comments Add your comment

lurker

April 20th, 2010
3:17 pm

Sassy – I know some of us remember granny givin’ you that thwack on the lips for “bein grown”.

LOL, yes I remember

IMO – A kid can’t and won’t every kick it like a grown person until they’ve grown into such. A child too grown or too sassy or can hange with the best of them (i.e. being grown folks), just makes a mess. There’s a reason for different stages and phases in life. There’s something to be taken away, learned, embraced in each of them. I think the way of the world today might be an evident token of what’s gone wrong.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:18 pm

Hey, AmazonRed. The little one and I were hanging out today. I went to see two of my friends. Then I went to the mall and the grocery. I baked a chocolate cake this afternoon that I have been fighting not to have a second slice. LOL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

Hey, AmazonRed. The little one and I were hanging out today.

I’m not even into kids, but I’m gonna steal that one. Just FYI! She’s precious!!!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

No, that isn’t the debate. abc got it right.
That is the debate. No one today has said or otherwise implied that you should put your child’s interests before your spouse’s interests. People are objecting to putting a spouse’s/SO’s selfish interests before the needs of their child.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:21 pm

A child too grown or too sassy or can hange with the best of them (i.e. being grown folks), just makes a mess.

I know someone that has a gifted child with a very High IQ my mother and I feel that the husband and wife allows the child to sit with the adults to show the kid off. All of the kids will be outside playing and that little :evi: sits with the adults and hold court. Please keep in mind if my mom is talking to folks in her age range I still keep these lips zipped unless they ask me something. I was just wondering if it was a status thing if you have a smart child. (I know that sounds crazy, but I was wondering, tho).

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:22 pm

lurker, people just don’t realize how they ruin their kids when the don’t make them stay in their place. You let them be grown before their time they are going to think the are as grown as or growner than you and then you won’t be able to do anything with them.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

Raqi – Too many folks are trying to be friends with their kids, instead of parents. My mom used to say that.

But I’ll do you one better. I have a good friend who always made this promise that she would stop whatever she was doing to listen to her child. She said her parents didn’t listen to her growing up, so with HER child it would be different! I cannot count the number of times that she & I would be on the phone & her daughter would interrupt the conversation! And she would STOP talking to me or whomever on the phone & hold a complete conversation with her daughter about WHATEVER! Not an emergency, not “Mommy, I’m sick or something on the stove is burning”! Just “Mommy, can I go skating tomorrow or wear that blue dress, etc”! I just started telling her to call me back when she had time or when her daughter went to bed!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

They are children and should stay in their place.

That’s part of the problem…first off, alot of times you have kids raising kids and when they first start doing grown stuff the parents think it’s cute or funny. Then, when little mama/man gets outta pocket they looking at you like “who gon check me,boo?

Lurker2

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

@JtJ- That was a nice infomercial for your ex-hubby… But, ummm one has to ask…Since you didn’t like him enough to make it work, why would you want someone else to endure him… Unless of course, he has “changed”….

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

but I’m gonna steal that one

Amazon, the next time she wakes me up at 3am imma call you to come get her. LOL

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:26 pm

Professor – Raqi is very right! A kid has a kid place.

I remember getting a beat down as a kid when we had a poker table AND a pool table in our basement. Well, I thought it was my duty to sneak down there and look cute in my PJ’s when dad had his parties, that was the time for me to shine… I would rack up on the loot from the money I’d get. All the money sitting on the table… Moms beat me down. But my piggy bank was full…

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:27 pm

No one today has said or otherwise implied that you should put your child’s interests before your spouse’s interests.

Yes they have.

People are objecting to putting a spouse’s/SO’s selfish interests before the needs of their child.

No they arent. The crux of the debate is what it means to but your spouse “first” without your child feeling short changed.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:28 pm

Amazon, the next time she wakes me up at 3am imma call you to come get her. LOL

Dammit. :lol:

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:28 pm

I cannot count the number of times that she & I would be on the phone

kimmie, my boys knew if the house wasn’t on fire, there was not blood or no one was dead they had better wait until I was off the phone. Hell you know if I don’t get off the phone sometimes for my husband I am surely not getting off for a child and it’s not an emergency.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:30 pm

@Raqi…I hate to keep mentioning this little lad, but it is a mess. My mom was talking and I guess she was taking too long. The kid raised his hand like he was at school so that he could be next. I LMAO…I was grinning and laughing. My mom had the nerve to tell me that she started to pinch me for laughing so hard, and I should have ignored him like she did. Shoot she should have pinched him :roll: , but of course I am not allowed to talk back to mama. (oh yea, his parents were there as well they didn’t say anything…the mother saw me getting some food and said you are so silly, and stated the boys IQ again).

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

So, when a kid can kick it with grown folks is that a good or bad thing? I am serious about this…please share y’all insight
I don’t think kids should ever really kick it with grown folks, but I would give mine some flexibility for them to voice their opinion. I was also raised to “stay in your place”, but remember some times I didn’t agree with what adults had to say. For example, when I was in high school, one of my little cousins was joking around and called me an “african booty scratcher”. I told her that we all came from Africa. Her mother told me that black people in America had no connection to Africa. I disagreed, but in her opinion I should have agreed because she was grown, but she didn’t know what she was talking about. To this day, I feel justified in disagreeing with her. I don’t think it made me disrespectful, just a person with a different viewpoint.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

@mqew I believe Raqi on the kid being in a kid’s place, but this one hits home. Please see my 3:30 and you will see why

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:32 pm

without your child feeling short changed

Amazon, when a child needs are met they will not bother you. Believe me when I tell you. They only a child “feels shortchanged” is when that child is a brat. Period.

There are kids that will try and deter their parents attention from other people around because that child is a brat. All that parent needs to do is put that child in it’s place one time and they problem will be solved.

However, we cannot deny that there are parents that do ignore their kids when the mate is around. That is just as bad as a kid being bratty.

Unforturnately this life is made of many different types of people. The good, the bad and the unspeakable.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

They only a child “feels shortchanged” is when that child is a brat. Period.

Both BlackMagicWoman and SexyCool felt that they were shortchanged by their parents. While they didn’t elaborate, I do know that parents can put their mate first in ways that aren’t productive to the household. So maybe there is more to it than just brattiness.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

Clarification – wasn’t stealing…. they felt inclined to give it to me. Which, I’m sure, made my mother angrier…

Sassy – I’m glad I didn’t have that type of grandmother. I know of a few granny’s that are the slap yo mouf kind. Mine was an angel, because I could do no wrong :lol: No, she was just an angel period.

What happened to those grandmothers. Now days, you have more Madea types. :-| What happened to the Big Momma’s??????

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

The kid raised his hand like he was at school so that he could be next.

Professor, that made me LOL literally. At least he didn’t just but in. He asked for permission by the raising of the hand. LOL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:36 pm

@Raqi – Whoops, the latter part of your post did give another theory. My bad.

Yvonne

April 20th, 2010
3:37 pm

I don’t mind dating a man with children…just as long as they are either the same age or OLDER than my children. I have an adult child and a 17 year old who will turn 18 this year. I refuse to raise another man’s children. No man helped me raise mine, I’m not raising his. If that’s being selfish then “oh well”.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:38 pm

Amazon, I said that in the same post. I do know that there are kids that are mistreated and rightfully feel shortchanged. But I spoke first about the kids that just demand attention. Those are brats.

millionaire1

April 20th, 2010
3:42 pm

Dating period is always a challenge regardless of being a single parent or not. Any type of dating requires balance and time to get to know the person. Single parents that date are even more of a challenge however, before that single parent date they should (make sure you have all of your duck in a row) an not bring another person into your life especially if things are all out-of-sort, ie staring on relationship after ending one prior. No body like to deal with drama or any baggage.

I’m a single parent of a teenage daughter who is soon to graduate high school and I wouldn’t want to bring anyone into my life or hers without
fixing matters. It wouldn’t be fair to gentleman I meet! When I do date again, all past issues would have been taken care of…period.

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
3:43 pm

good nite beauties!

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:43 pm

Prof – That boy’s IQ has nothing to do with the convo. His parents are wrong. They need to tell him to go read the Encyclopedia AGAIN or something. Get to gettin…. Sounds like he need a 10,000 piece puzzle…. Sometin

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

No they arent. The crux of the debate is what it means to but your spouse “first” without your child feeling short changed.
That’s in reference to SCool and BMW, but before they chimed in people were talking about SO’s who attempt to force a parent to choose their interests over their child’s needs.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
3:44 pm

ahhh, Raqi, you got it right! that’s been a pet peeve of mine since forever. can’t stand when some parents allow their kids carte blanche in grown folks business, conversations, and good times. nothing like trying to enjoy cards and music and the kids are right there asking questions and making comments and joining in. GO PLAY XBOX!!!!!!

i was a ‘gifted’ kid but my parents did NOT allow me putting my 2 cents into their adult convos. i did not have my big head stuck up in the middle of their gatherings either. my sister is terrible at drawing any type of boundary when it comes to her kids. so much so that she has had the nerve to bring them along when we plan a night out. we’ve actually had to tell her NO! mind you, we were brought up the same way soooo??? SMDH for real.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:45 pm

She’s up. Any volunteers to change a poopy diaper.

And you know it starts early with kids demanding attention. Even Elizabeth at the young age of 10 months gets a stern word now for crying just because or not wanting to stay in her crib.

I popped her the other day. LOL It was just a light tap but she got the message.

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

mqew- at this point I blame the parents, because he start talking they sit up a little straighter and they lean in. You can tell they enjoy watching him. Now, it is funny to me watching him, and he will change the convo and everything. Shoot he gets me in trouble, my mama does not want me laughing and carrying on.

Things to Do

1. Get IQ manchild a puzzle and book before the next gathering.
2. Find a kiddie chair so he can get in his place

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:48 pm

That’s in reference to SCool and BMW, but before they chimed in people were talking about SO’s who attempt to force a parent to choose their interests over their child’s needs.

And they were ALSO talking about interests over interests which is what abc read and picked up on.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
3:49 pm

She’s up. Any volunteers to change a poopy diaper.

I don’t do poopy diapers. Not even for my adorable niece and nephew. Horray for auntie hood!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
3:51 pm

@Yvonne, what if his small children were the only minus you could find in the relationship would you still walk away?

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:51 pm

Raqi – Every since Mason was a baby. If adults were talking and he’s in the room, then we all bust out in laughter…. EVERY TIME he would bust out in tears crying. I mean every time. So now, he’s three and if my voice is raised for whatever reason, he’ll start with the, “MAMA you’re to loud!” Then if I keep going he’ll keep saying MAMA MAMA MAMA. Needless to say, he’s been reprimanded, but he still does it… His days are numbered doin it though.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
3:53 pm

Yvonne, i find my self in that scenario (rather unexpectedly). i’ll keep you posted :lol:

seriously though, as Professor pointed out, it’s the sum total of what the two of you have going on that ultimately matters most.

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
3:56 pm

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm

Raqi, your post was absolutely the bomb (BAM)!

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

Elizabeth was crying Sunday night and I brought her into bed with us and she wanted to play all over the bed. She kept moving and moving. Mason got irritated and said “raqi will you please get her? put her on the other side of you!!!”.

See when he is laying on the floor and letting her crawl over him he is in daddy heaven. She thinks it’s okay to do that whenever he is laying down and she wants to play. All that to say kids only do what they are allowed to do. You have to teach them early that there is a time and place for everything.

And that includes that little genius that Professor is talking about. He needs to learn the proper time to show off his smarts. At school. LOL

And when mommy and daddy are talking on the phone and to other people that is not the time for them talk about stuff that is not an emergency.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

Prof – 10,000 piece, let the high IQ manchild handle that for a min.

ARed – You remind me of Mason’s Aunt. She was soooooo excited to keep him last time she did cause it had been awhile as her and her brother fell out. Anyhoo, she kept him overnight and wasn’t expecting the demanding lil 3yo he had become; with an extended vocab telling her what he wanted how he wanted it and when he wanted it. He wore her butt out! She didn’t know to ’slow his roll’. If you don’t put a stop to it, he’ll have you, “We have to go find it at Walmart!” :lol: We haven’t seen her since. That was in Feb…

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:03 pm

LL411, people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up. Yeah priorities have to be put in order but the mindset of not having a life is so not true.

My kids have never kept me from having a life to date and spend some time with my friends. And my husband has never made it where I cannot tend to the needs and interest of my kids and spend time with my friends. And friends and kids will never make it so I cannot spend time with my husband. It takes some doing but it is doable. You have to plan around certain things but you still can have life. Your husband and kids are just a part of that life.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

And that includes that little genius that Professor is talking about. He needs to learn the proper time to show off his smarts. At school.
Maybe this boy is starving for knowledge and information, and his parents may not be supplying it as they should. Maybe they ought to find more child-friendly ways for him to quench his intellectual thirst.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:05 pm

DreamsMat, they should give him a truck to play with.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
4:08 pm

DreamsMat, they should give him a truck to play with.
What if he has no interest in that? Should you force interests on him because you believe it’s what a kid should like? Maybe go to the hobby store and help him pick out parts to build a truck.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:14 pm

DreamsMat, I am not talking about a truck necessarily. I am just saying let the boy stay a child.

When my sons were growing up they had lots toys that required building and thinking. I kept them with plenty of books to read. And I made sure they went outside to play. My oldest is now at Mich Uni to get his engineering degree. He wants to be a aerospace engineer like his grandfather. He was given the opportunity to strengthen his building and mechanical skills as a child in play. I wish him the best. That knucklehead.

Now my younger son, he is less mechanical but more of a thinker. He likes brainteasers and rubic cube type of puzzles. However he too was given toys to build with to strengthen his skills.

The thing with both is I put toys in the hands as kids. My second son was reading at 3 but I didn’t take the toy out of his because he was reading early. I just gave him child friendly materials. Children need to play.

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

RAQI..Elizabeth is a little doll! Just too adorable!

As fara as rude kids…can’t stand them! Now the child who sees to adults talking and butts in an starting talking to his/her mom…that is the parent’s fault. My mami taught me at a young age to only interrupt the convo if it was an emergency…and I had to say excuse me mami and wait for her to respond. She also taught me to only act ana a$$ at home and not in front of company! I attempted to blackmail her in front of a police station because I had heard onthe news that parents could go to jail if they hit their kids. So I threw my one an only tantrum at 6 in front a cop and she proceeded to whip my a$$ and the cop told her he could arrest her and she went off on him. Dude was speecheless and I was scared sh*tless because I knew that crazy lady was gonna get me at home! Today a lot of these kids do not fear their parents. They have NO respect and that is why they are unruly and my birth control! :lol:

lurker

April 20th, 2010
4:15 pm

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks. Other than that, stay in ya place. I can’t stand my brother’s daughter. Number one, she’s had a phone since she was seven, number 2 she’s too dang grown, number three she’s too dang grown and lastly, she’s too dang grown. He’s out making babies dang near sixty, folks asking if it’s his grandchild. He’s the only idiot in the room thing her sassy mouth is cute. I don’t overstep my boundaries in disciplining her but when she steps in my circle, all grown and stuff I shut her down with the quickness.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:16 pm

Thanks BlackMagic.

Raqi

April 20th, 2010
4:17 pm

If he’s got a thirst to be quench, ummm he can get a job and do like the grown folks

lurker, I know, right. If they want to be go before their time let them go all the way.

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
4:18 pm

people talk about how they don’t want to marry or have kids because they lose their freedom and life when you take those things on. But the only reason you lose them is because you give them up.

lovelyliz

April 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

From a slightly different perspective:

My sister and her husband have been divorce for more than 3 years. She has custody of their 13-year-old daughter. My sister waited to start going out and has never brought any of her dates tp the house. She only goes out when her daughter is not at home.

Her ex-husband on the other hand was shacking up a month after the divorce was final. He had his daughter spend the night over at the shackette’s place. A year after the move in there was a toss out. A month later he meets a woman he hasn’t seen in 20 years and that weekend has her ensconced at his place while she is in town. Introduces her to his daughter. Has her kids at his place a couple of weeks later and brings his daughter over. That vacation romance lasted less than 3 months. Daughter is rather upset and confused.

He has visitation rights that he occasionally remembers and there not much my sister can do. What does bother him is when he gets bored and can’t get a hold of his ex-wife and accuses her of doing God knows what. Rather convenient amnesia he has.

Dating a single parent is now a reality. What to look for is how they handle themselves around their children. Don’t get offended if you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and he/she doesn’t bring their kids around.