Single parent dating
Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are. I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down. They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children. They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.
Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood. I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding. What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent? If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?
I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son. It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me. What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?
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373 comments Add your comment
Professor
April 20th, 2010
2:16 pm
I remember reading Woman’s Day one time and the author of the article had several children. The children would ask her, “which one of us is your favorite, or whom do you love the most?” The author replied, “my favorite or priority is the one that needs me the most and that is forever changing.”
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
2:16 pm
Professor – I like your 2:13 too!
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
2:17 pm
willie d I am surprised too with how many grown folk keep score no pun to anyone or any post but I am just seeing more and more folk keep a running tally going……
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
2:18 pm
Implied? Yes.
Implied or interpreted?
I don’t ever think they got more or less love than me.
Along these lines, you don’t love your kids equally, you love them accordingly.
There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling
So which one does “kids come first” come under, in your opinion? Both? Neither?
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
2:18 pm
Amen to your 2:13 Professor!
Professor
April 20th, 2010
2:20 pm
Thanks Kimmie and ARed!
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
2:20 pm
do it professor!!!!!! thanks again chica!!!!
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
2:21 pm
i can give a rats ass who he loves more. i’m his mother. period. and when he leaves for the long summer, who calls blowin’ up my dayum phone. *ummm, mom. ummm, what y’all doin’?* lol. too funny.
LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!
April 20th, 2010
2:21 pm
This right here >>>>>But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid!
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
2:22 pm
pure and simple love from the heart you don’t have to worry about first class or coach, primary and secondary, but the only standard you are upholding is loving and caring unconditionally.
Does the person on the receiving end feel this way though? Or do we resort to saying that we can’t control how our love is received, but only how it is given?
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
2:22 pm
i can give a rats ass who he loves more.
Angie – So why even say such a thing? If you didn’t matter to you who he loved more, you wouldn’t even NOTICE such a thing.
mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!
April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm
On another note – Do yall even remember how many fiyah ass songs Gangstarr has. OMG! I’ve been listening alllll day!
Professor
April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm
Thanks Lady J!
I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid!
Exactly, what big grown woman or child running around here asking where they rank as if they are Duke going to the NCAA??? That is a red flag and it is time to move on if you have to answer that question
i'm swiss
April 20th, 2010
2:25 pm
“So which one does “kids come first” come under, in your opinion? Both? Neither?”
@ DM — Well, that obviously will vary depending on the parent, but just from my own casual observations, it seems these days there are far too many parents out there that think putting their child first falls under the latter — i.e. Junior gets whatever Junior wants. I think a big part of discipline really just boils down to forcing the child to recognize that they don’t always come first in every situation and that there are other people in this world who also deserve consideration.
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
2:29 pm
About the “keeping score” thing – I’ve seen folks darn near 70 still talking about who loved who more or who got treated better, etc. The older I get, the more I notice a lot of people never get over things that happened in childhood, growing up.
I realized that sometimes, your parents did the best they knew with what they had. And the info they had might not have been the best, depending on where THEY came from. None of us came with an instruction manual. Sometimes, people interpret things totally different from what the true intentions or reality was.
Deep down, some of us are still children that are hurting.
Professor
April 20th, 2010
2:30 pm
Does the person on the receiving end feel this way though? Or do we resort to saying that we can’t control how our love is received, but only how it is given?
DreamsM
I cannot control someone’s perception. At the end of the day, I could do the Keith Sweat, Professor now crooning “I’ll give all my love to you…” however if that person views my love as not enough there isn’t a damn thing I can do.
The human mind is a powerful tool. Look at the disease, in which beautiful people look in the mirror and say they look like monsters. So at the end of the day I can give, but it is up to the receiver to have the ability to accept love and know love.
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
2:30 pm
swiss coorect it is called consistent discipline…..
Professor
April 20th, 2010
2:31 pm
Kimmie, Amen on that 2:29
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
2:31 pm
About the “keeping score” thing – I’ve seen folks darn near 70 still talking about who loved who more or who got treated better, etc. The older I get, the more I notice a lot of people never get over things that happened in childhood, growing up.
I realized that sometimes, your parents did the best they knew with what they had.
Amen kimmie!
My sister, the consumate middle child, always thought she got “less than.” She eventually had to put those bags away. One thing she could never dispute is that she was loved. She was more focused on “stuff” she didn’t get.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
2:33 pm
Swiss – Ole Chap we’ll have this child convo when you have a child.. Dude I swear I had the same mindset.. I believe in discipline and education but with a child man every situation is different. We take for granted they are gonna automatically thinklike you but they dont they have their own little minds. When you have one I hope its not a Girl.. You are a good dude now and little girl is gonna make you extra mushy.. A little boy for that matter.. Your child. Flesh of your flesh.. It changes you dude..
lurker
April 20th, 2010
2:33 pm
Dreams – Head as an implication not an interpretation. Say a person says almost daily out of their own mouth how screwed up the system is evidenced by their (spelled out) experience. Nothing to be interpreted from that. I read the way it’s written. That’s not to take away from a bad experience but it makes one become or interpreted as jaded and the naturally flow of love to a child IMO becomes skewed. I think several have said today. A parent just do what’s natural. About as natural as breathing, so as with loving and caring for you offsprings….all the while the world keeps evolving so should everything else. So when you preference your love and relationship with stipulations BECAUSE of a child and lay out the wills or won’ts, it becomes inordinate affection. Don’t get me wrong, all of us love our children (on this blog), this I believe neither do I think any one (on this blog) will mistreat or neglect and yes, if there’s a relationship issue that calls for pulling the plug because of your kid(s), then do the needful but that’s all still considered a natural reaction. I think the theme for today is BALANCE…we’ve read it referenced quite a bit.
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
2:35 pm
because this is a blog and certain things have to be stated to make ya point. and i don’t care. i’m his mother.
abc
April 20th, 2010
2:36 pm
I’d say that if you put the child’s interests ahead of your spouse’s interests, you increase risk of divorce about 1,000,000%. You should make it clear to your children that their mother/father comes first with you. Look it up in the Bible if you need concrete reference.
It’s equally important with 2nd wives/husbands, if not more so. If the children think that they’re more important to you than someone else, the kids will use that to their selfish advantage every time, and the net result is not of benefit to the child, but rather to their detriment. They grow up believing that they’re number one everywhere they go, which does NOT help them in life.
Don’t any of you have kids? SMH
i'm swiss
April 20th, 2010
2:41 pm
@ DK — I don’t doubt it… I readily admit that I am a big ol’ softy, but I hope that if/when that day comes that I’m strong enough to practice what I preach because I really do believe it’s in the best interest of the child…
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
2:42 pm
LOL @ abc. Guess us those of us with kids are still capable of common sense.
czBrat
April 20th, 2010
2:47 pm
is the blog choosing sides on mates vs kiddies … who should get more love???
where’s leggs when i need a good recap?
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
2:49 pm
Single Parent Dating??
I did it for years. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.
LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!
April 20th, 2010
2:50 pm
I’m lucky, I found someone who understands raising children. His are grown (sometimes)
…
I’ll say this when we do get together we’re off the meter like Whoa!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
2:51 pm
because this is a blog and certain things have to be stated to make ya point
Yeah, even though you totally contradicted yourself…
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
2:52 pm
i may have told y’all this b4 but FB has a blog like ours called Relationship Playbook. pretty good.
lurker
April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm
cause if you raise a child with just you and him/her in existence, that’s gonna be a beast for the rest of the world to deal with.
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
2:53 pm
abc, I agree with you. Kids are kids and should never be allowed to interfere or come between any adult relationship whether is friends or mates. A child should be kept in a child’s place. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to a fulfilling life outside of them. Just like I wouldn’t mistreat them for someone else I will not mistreat someone else for them. Neither will I allow myself to be mistreated by either.
lurker
April 20th, 2010
2:54 pm
A child should be kept in a child’s place. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to a fulfilling life outside of them. Just like I wouldn’t mistreat them for someone else I will not mistreat someone else for them. Neither will I allow myself to be mistreated by either.
I’m sorry so many good posts today…say it say it
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
2:55 pm
DK – I have a friend who once she had a child, nobody in this world existed anymore. She thought the sun did not shine until her daughter woke up! It got to the point of sickening. Nobody or nothing was good enough for her child, not even the child’s very devoted & loving father. It got to where I didn’t want to be around HER – her child was sweet, but MAMA had lost it. Over the last year, though, some sense somehow has been knocked into her and she’s relaxed some. She has actually said some of the same things Swiss said in his post – who would have thunk it! First-time parent stuff, I guess. I think we all have the very best dreams & intentions for our children, but that has to be tempered with practicality & reality.
mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!
April 20th, 2010
2:56 pm
abc – Your 2:36 is very true. Regardless, of it being in the bible….
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
2:58 pm
i’m loving this rain. more, more! lol.
we have 4 more FB gathering like the one in Vegas between june 4 and august. i think i’m done with reconnecting with folks and get togethers. some ppl should truly stay in your past. lol.
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
2:58 pm
Thanks, lurker.
kimmie, I just don’t get those type of people. How do people just have a world based on them and their kid. Heck after a certain age those kids don’t want to much to do with you any way. So why shut the whole world out for them. Love them, provide for them, teach them, spend time with them but let them be kids and go do kid stuff. And grown folks should not deprive themselves sitting there watching kids play with kids. Get some grown up friends. Do grown up things.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
3:00 pm
Yeah, I have a friend who couldn’t wait to get remarried, so that she can have kids. Well, she ended up getting knocked up and now she has no desire to marry her child’s father (he’d like to marry her). Now that she has her kid, I do believe the outside world will fail to exist.
But she’s also starting to realize what a tougher road she’s chosen, especially since she’s already put the kid over her man.
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
3:04 pm
And don’t let kids sit around in grown folk conversations. Make them go outside somewhere and be a child.
I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.
When I was dating my boys were around but the didn’t talk in conversation with my date and I unless we were talking to them. We would sometimes watch a movie or television program that was kid friendly so they could be in the room. But they knew to stay in their place.
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
3:04 pm
I’d say that if you put the child’s interests ahead of your spouse’s interests, you increase risk of divorce about 1,000,000%
I don’t think anyone has objected to this. I think the debate is whether you should put your child’s needs ahead of your spouse’s interests.
Bible if you need concrete reference.
Is this really a concrete referrence?
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
3:07 pm
DreamsMat, needs should never come second to interest. Even if you flipped it around it still should be. Just like a spouse’s interest should not come before a child’s need, a spouse’s need should not fall second to a child’s interest.
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
3:07 pm
Raqi – It’s wild, because her daughter is very independent. Everywhere we go together she seeks out other kids & makes friends. She begged to start preschool.
I purposely made a grown-up dinner double-date with me & SO & her & her husband. I asked SO’s parents if they would babysit her daughter as well as SO’s kids. They were happy to do it. The minute baby girl hit the house she fell right in with SO’s 2 kids. His parents said she was well-mannered & no trouble at all. Even though she was 3, she hung with the other kids & they loved her. Mom & Dad tried to stress a little bit at the dinner, but I wouldn’t let them (and made sure they had a few drinks!) They were very grateful for the evening off!
Things have been much better since then. But everyone around them was about to go crazy!!!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
3:08 pm
I think the debate is whether you should put your child’s needs ahead of your spouse’s interests.
No, that isn’t the debate. abc got it right.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
3:09 pm
I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.
Raqi – I was always the kid trying to be with the grown folks at the card parties. My parents weren’t having it.
Professor
April 20th, 2010
3:10 pm
Kimmie,
I knew of a lady that slept in the room with her child until her child said Mommy I want to sleep in my own room. She stated she was afraid something would happen at night such as a robbery, fire, illness etc. and she would not be able to save her daughter. This same lady also cooked around her daughter. I witnessed this personally…the mother said we are having grits, eggs and turkey bacon. Professor stay and have some…the daughter came in right when the grits were getting poured and started crying because she wanted pancakes. The mom made pancakes too. I laughed and asked the kid “why are you crying.”
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
3:10 pm
kimmie, some people are just…I don’t know. Kids don’t even want to be around their parents all the time. Like you said take a child into a room and if there are other kids there playing that child will make its way to those other kids.
I love my kids and will die for them but I am not putting my life on hold just to watch a kid play. LOL You know.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 20th, 2010
3:11 pm
,em>I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.
For real,right? Back in the day that would’ve been five across the lips…..literally. I know some of us remember granny givin’ you that thwack on the lips for “bein grown”.
Professor
April 20th, 2010
3:12 pm
I can’t stand when I am at someone’s house standing there talking and their just buts into the conversation. No manners whatsoever.
I wonder about this one a lot, because growing up we knew not to get in grown folks conversation. However, I keep thinking maybe times are changing and a lot of parents like to boast on how smart their children are. So, when a kid can kick it with grown folks is that a good or bad thing? I am serious about this…please share y’all insight
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
3:14 pm
Oh, and glad to see you on here Raqi.
Raqi
April 20th, 2010
3:16 pm
Sassy, yeah we were not allowed to get into grown folks conversation.
Professor, those kids do that because their parents talk to them like they are grown. I don’t hold conversations with my kids about what is going on between my husband and myself, or my friends and I. It’s not of their business. They are children and should stay in their place. And mine know that they better even ask me certain things.