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Single parent dating

Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are.  I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down.  They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children.  They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.

Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood.  I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding.  What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?  If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son.  It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me.  What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?

373 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
12:51 pm

This blog is full of folks that think they know more than they do. No matter the topic.
We can safely substitute “world” for “blog” and maintain the statement’s truth.

Dreams M – You know that doesnt happen..
It’s a dirty game. Dudes are guilty of unknowingly falling into certain traps that come back to bite them in court though. Gotta do your homework…and get a lawyer. If you go in there trying to represent yourself while she’s all lawyered up, you might as well lay down on the tracks yourself cuz you’re about to get railroaded.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
12:52 pm

PrincessNik – Not to mention he’s paying child support already and strapped cause he has an Asshole for an ex-wife that ditched him with a house note so he has to pay off the apartment he was staying in to save his credit… Ummmm no.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:53 pm

Infamous you just keep on making me smile today

Why because what Im putting in him now will last hi a lifetime..

I agree with your 12:49, i get so frustrated when her dad says he can’t do something because he is tired. I’m like dude i dont give a F! that you tired. You think im not tired, you think i always feel like going to gymnastics, teeball practice, field day, reading night, or any other activity. No i don’t but i do it. I said you better remember that your kids are the ones who will take care of you in old age or shove you in a nursing home and i can tell you right now you are nursing home bound.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

I was to worried about will I be a good mom but I have sense crossed that bridge too…we are parents we are not perfect and we try to the best we can under all circumstances….it isn’t easy but the child benefits from positive reinforcement…..with that thinking back it was told to me that the mother sets the tone for behavior and that was much stress for me bc I use to raise some hell that has changed and I do see when I react a certtain way so does she so it makes you aware

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

Mq- You know my exerience has been this.. The dudes that wanna be in their childs life get it hard but the ones that dont get a break.. Ones that wanna spend time have to petition the court, beg, plead, grovel, cop pleas or simply PAY… The ones who dont give a d@mn get off scott free with the mothers wishing they would spend more time with Lil Whats His/Her Name…

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

You have a 20 year old and a 12 year old. Why in the hell you’d want to start over is BEYOND me!

:shock:

OKAY?!

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
12:55 pm

@ SexyC…..where you asking if someone knew a low cost divorce attorney? If the couple is not contesting anything and have seperate their assets without disagreement, they can file themselcves for about $120 in Fulton County.

@ Dreams…..I was the one who threw $70K out there about my ex-husband..he pays C/S and there is minimal child care costs for our 7 yr old, so there is no wipes and all that other stuff–he can still live a good life on 42K after taxes & C/S and money spent on the kids. (:)

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
12:56 pm

DK

your 12:54 is on point! I’ve been on one side, and i have a brother on the other side of the coin.

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
12:57 pm

JtJ – the estranged wife is in Alabama. Does that make a difference?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:01 pm

Sexy – Heck all he has to do is file.. Run a add in the paper and voila!! He’ll be divorced in 30 days.. He dont even have to serve her sh!t..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:02 pm

Sessy – Heyal run it in the county where they last lived and fill out the paper work himself.. I wouldnt pay a lawyer ish for that..

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:02 pm

Thanks, guys. I will pass that information along.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:04 pm

The dudes that wanna be in their childs life get it hard but the ones that dont get a break..
The courts are basically sticking it to all the good dudes to make up for all the suckas who do nothing.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:05 pm

Sessy – Tell him to run on down to the court house they’ll tell him exactly what he needs to do.. So dont be scuurred..

Mo (aka Moeisha )

April 20th, 2010
1:06 pm

Lady J/PrincessNik – “never had the time or energy to be evil using my child”…co-signing this 100%!

mqew – I never like CC and I still dont! Whenever Lil Mo gets an invite to a party there, the ex and I look at each other like “its your turn”! That place will make you surely never want a kid! Lil Mo will neva, eva have a party there!!

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:09 pm

SWISS..I have danced at Fundraisers before….sure I do it for Carlito’s horse! :lol:

“My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!”

Hence the reason I do NOT date men with kids on a serious level. They are in the meanwhile guys.

Other peoples brats are my birth control. Anytime I go to the store and some kid is whining or crying makes me thank God I use birth control and for the most part abstainance! :lol: I love the freedom and fun of my life. I can pick up and move to Guam and I’d only have to consider myself! I can go on a trip or shopping and the only thing I have to consider is making sure I paid all my bills. I don’t have to find a sitter to go out. It doesn’t have to be a production just to go to the store (dressing the kid and carseats and crap). And most important…when I do not feel like being bothered with anyone…I can go home to my solitude and turn off my phone and no one is demanding my attention or getting on my nerves. Now, I love babies….so I will babysit to cure any maternal yearning. And then I am back to my fun life! YAY ME!

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:10 pm

At least they are hoping it’s going to be uncontested.

Seems as if the ex has been holding out hope that they were going to get back together although she is the one that cheated AND had a baby with the dude that she cheated with.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:14 pm

Well aint that the pot calling the kettle black..

I didn’t exempt myself from that, just like you aren’t exempt from it either.

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
1:14 pm

@ SexyC- Like DK said, he can just file and say he has no clue of where she is at and file a notice in the paper for 30 days, he can have his uncontested divorce!! My former sis-in-law did the same when her husband got locked up, she just told them he disappeared…lol

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:16 pm

Sessy – Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a… I try but I

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
1:19 pm

Im too Hollywood for you right now..

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:20 pm

i loves me some Kels and Pumpkin, but my hubby will always come first. i will respect, follow and support him until death!

BEAUTIFUL….I have bene on the receiving end of that train of thought and let’s just say it has created a Love/Hate situation with my mami and me. I will always have the resentment because I feel as the child..I did not ask to be here. You chose to have me….so why make me the second class citizen? You love him more than the person you created and carried and risked your life to birth? If you needed a kidney or bone marrow donor I would more than likely be the one to save your life. Although I do not want kids….I would never make my kid second. I feel that I’d owe them because I was one who brought them in the hellified world. I should be the one who loves them most…only second to God!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:22 pm

I love the freedom and fun of my life.

Absolutely. If/when it’s time for me to be a wife and mother, I’ll put my all into to it. Until then, I will continue to sleep in on Saturday mornings grateful that I have no husband or child to cook for or take care of

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:27 pm

You chose to have me….so why make me the second class citizen?

BlackMagic – the problem is you felt or were treated 2nd class. That shouldn’t have gone down. Had it been done the right way, you would have seen a loving example of two people’s union that shaped you to want to emulate. You’d learn how a woman and man would be treated and that love would have trickled down to you.

SlimCoco-puff puff pass

April 20th, 2010
1:29 pm

PrincessNik I simply love that Alicia Keys song “I’m Ready” (yeah, yeah, I know I’m all late n shyt lol)

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
1:29 pm

@BMW
Kels will be 18yrs in two years and pumpkin is already 10. they have life after mom. when they’re gone it wouldn’t be fair to then turn around to the man i married in front of God and say *ok, you can be first now*.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:34 pm

Angie – Exactly. That’s why many couples end up divorcing when the kids leave home. They’ve spent so much time focusing on the kids, they don’t even know who their spouse and their needs are when it’s just the two of them left.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
1:40 pm

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts, I do believe. When folks start debating them, I get weary!

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:43 pm

Oh, lawd geezus, let me *not* start talking about how my parents had me feeling second class, damn near unwanted and practically unloved.

Should I/when I/if I ever have a child one thing that I will make certain that they never question is whether they are wanted or loved.

sheesh – the ish that people can do to screw up their kids.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:45 pm

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:45 pm

Why the frickafrack would you call me about wanting some tickets to the game tonight and then when I send you the contact information for the dude who is going to help you out you don’t call?

Double you tee eff?!?!?!

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
1:52 pm

SEXYCOOL..I am mad that you spelled out WTF! :lol:

BEAUTIFUL…being their ages still does not take the sting away. Granted it makes it easier especially for your oldest because he has his only thing going on. It is different for the baby. That man that you marry is not his father. So he may feel like, “I was here first..I am YOUR child…and if things don’t work out with him I am still YOUR child…so how dare you put some man over me”! It is a resentment that no matter what you do or apologize for…it never goes away. It is a hurt like no other…

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
1:53 pm

SCool – To your 1:43, I’ve seen folks do that. Treat the kids like they don’t exist almost.

BALANCE is not a part of some folks thought process and vocabulary!

lurker

April 20th, 2010
1:54 pm

I guess it stand true that for one person’s incidents or mishaps it’s a given that’s the way it flows for everybody else. Your baby mama did you wrong now it should assumed that ALL MEN are not mistreated. Please. There is no way in hades that the system, albeit not the best has wronged and misunderstood EVERY MAN documented. Really, give me a break. That rule applies to every facet of life. Just cause you ho’d a chick out don’t make all chicks one. Just like one woman thinks her ex is a dog, not all men are dogs and yes, just like your baby mama took you through the ringer (good bad or indifferent), all baby mamas ain’t doing that. Furthermore, just like there are some trifling chicks using the kids as bait and to play games all women don’t prescribe to such foolishness. The scales are always tipped when you’re the victim.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:55 pm

and that love would have trickled down to you.
Trickle down doesn’t work in economics and probably not in love either. Economics requires wealth redistribution, and love requires redistribution of affection.

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts
misunderstood/misinterpreted or differently understood & differently interpreted?

lurker

April 20th, 2010
1:55 pm

that all men ARE mistreated (since you’re baby mama ain’t right) is what I meant

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
1:57 pm

Think you took “trickle down” too literally.

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
1:59 pm

There is no way in hades that the system, albeit not the best has wronged and misunderstood EVERY MAN documented.
Did someone say this?

SexyCool (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
1:59 pm

Headed out – going to attend the viewing of one of my bestie’s dad. Dude hung himself in his garage on Friday morning. All day she thought he was out on the links.

My parting words for this day:
“As bad as *it* may seem, nothing is ever *that* bad. This too shall pass.”
Show some love to someone who seems troubled.

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
2:01 pm

good posts lurker…..

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:03 pm

@BMW
first off, Pumpkin loves his dad more than me, so he can give a flying F*** that he comes 2nd. lol. as long as pumpkin gets his, he’s cool. trust me. lil selfish heffa. lol.

lurker

April 20th, 2010
2:04 pm

Dreams – Did someone say this?

Verbatim? No. Implied? Yes.

Thanks Lady J

BlackMagicWoman

April 20th, 2010
2:06 pm

BEAUTIFUL…well hey…do ya thang! :lol:

Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*

April 20th, 2010
2:09 pm

lol. my job is to raise them and get them out the door educated and independent. and at the same time keep them happy, healthy, loving life and what it has to offer.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
2:09 pm

Are folks really keeping score on who loves who more?

Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but perseption is not always reality.

I love both of my parents, in different ways. I can’t say I love one over the other. And I feel that they love all three of their kids for different reasons too. I don’t ever think they got more or less love than me.

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
2:10 pm

I don’t have any kids, so maybe I’m not allowed to voice an opinion on this… but I will anyway… ;-)

RE: This notion of whether kids or spouse come first… There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling the child. Yes, obviously, the real needs of the child should always be the top priority, but that does not mean catering to the kid’s every whim. Kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Not imparting this reality is actually doing the child (not to mention the rest of us that have to interact with the spoiled little sh!t) a disservice.

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:12 pm

Putting your spouse first & women’s submission are two of the most misunderstood & misinterpreted concepts
misunderstood/misinterpreted or differently understood & differently interpreted?

Dreams – Uhm, yeah, all of that!LOL!!

Professor

April 20th, 2010
2:13 pm

…stepping in (eating my dinner for lunch :cry:

It’s always been difficult for me to process how folks view love, marriage, relationships, friendships etc. You don’t have to take from one to give to another one. Love is not your checkbook full of debits/credits you are trying to balance out. IMO and experience when you give love…pure and simple love from the heart you don’t have to worry about first class or coach, primary and secondary, but the only standard you are upholding is loving and caring unconditionally.

Pardon me, just thinking for a minute, while I eat dinner for lunch

Willie Dynamite

April 20th, 2010
2:14 pm

Afternoon All,

Are folks really keeping score on who loves who more?

Apparently so. Apparently so!!!

kimmie

April 20th, 2010
2:15 pm

RE: This notion of whether kids or spouse come first… There is a big difference between providing for the best interest of the child & coddling the child. Yes, obviously, the real needs of the child should always be the top priority, but that does not mean catering to the kid’s every whim. Kids need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Not imparting this reality is actually doing the child (not to mention the rest of us that have to interact with the spoiled little sh!t) a disservice.

Swiss – I have not heard it put any better and I totally agree!!