Single parent dating
Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are. I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down. They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children. They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.
Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood. I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding. What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent? If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?
I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son. It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me. What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?
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373 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:43 am
Im also proof that no matter what has happened in your situation that you can forgive people and moe on in your life only to be blessed in ways you never though imaginable.
Yet, you never want to marry again right?
lurker
April 20th, 2010
11:43 am
while he is in a minority of being a great dad and consistent he shouldn’t use it as a mechanism for who he really is….meaning he does shine as a dad but there are other areas to be worked on and being a dad can cover up all flaws….it does make it look better but who are you truly fooling???
Right – an over abundance in one place will more than likely cause or be the cause of a deficit in another.
lurker
April 20th, 2010
11:45 am
PrincessNik – Balance is what’s essential.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:45 am
Ared – It may be difficult for you and thats fine..
Duh. But no, I enjoy dating, but I realize like other things folks are careless about, there is a responsibility that comes along with it. So no, I don’t call it ‘easy.’ People can get hurt in dating too. Therefore I’m not callous and cavalier in my decisions to date.
lurker
April 20th, 2010
11:46 am
Lady J – Reckon he took your advice?
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:46 am
lurker
you are absolutely correct
i'm swiss
April 20th, 2010
11:46 am
“what is 420?”
Beautiful — Here’s the lowdown on 420 for ya…
@ SexyCool — RE: Yesterday’s discussion… No problem. I’m always happy to share my opinions… Preaching the gospel of I don’t know…
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:48 am
pk there is no need while Ihave recently met his girlfriend and respect their situation for me I am no where close to anyone meeting my child but on dates I will periodically call and check in if that bothers someone then I can respect that dating a person with kids isn’t for them…..thanks for loving that quote too
Professor...
April 20th, 2010
11:49 am
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:50 am
lurker he did he has came into him and I applaud him….he recently truly apologized to me for past hurts and the failing of our marriage…..I have and did a while back but my point is when he did I EXHALED….he is a new person and him and his mate vibe well together and it is healthy for my child since she is around her much……my lesson is to truly give it to God and pray and he will work it out…..when I try to work it it out it is a disater so I didn’t fight that battle
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:50 am
What is 420? HA HA HA!!!!!!
I am 420!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:51 am
ARED – Me not wanting to get remarried has nothing to do with forgiveness..
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
11:51 am
Sometimes, I want to say to people with kids to get over them little ugly ass mistakes of failed birth control that they act like are the answer to world peace.
Every one is entitled to their opinion, but know that, at various points in your life, others may have considered you to be “mistake failed birth control”.
My thing is take care of your child,…and stop looking for a pat on the back.
No one, man or woman, deserves a pat on the back for doing what they’re supposed to do. Raising your child to be a morally conscious, productive contributor to the world will be reward enough.
Pardon me, but 70K is already gone if you have three mouths to feed and 1
I would think 70k isn’t even enough to provide for yourself and 3 kids. After taxes, that’s only about 52k. Child care alone for 3 kids would eat up about 75% of that. You’re left with about 13k to make the rest of the ends meet for the year. Rent/mortgage wipes out that 13k. So, what’s left for car not, utilities, extra curricular, food?
SexyCool (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
11:52 am
Also, I dated a guy that when I met his kids, I didn’t like ‘em (and I suspect that they didn’t like me). They were pre-teens.
Didn’t date him for very much longer.
lurker
April 20th, 2010
11:53 am
Lady J – happy endings or happy in togetherness works wonders for kids
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:53 am
Lady J, thanks.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:54 am
Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..
SlimCoco-puff puff pass
April 20th, 2010
11:54 am
Somebody blow me a shotgun
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:55 am
random it is some co workers and close associates that haven’t even met my child….I am funny like that….everyone is well aware of miss kadie baby but I do shelter her a bit…..lol its the way I carried her I think….lol
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:55 am
Slim, okay.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:56 am
It’s from the earth.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:56 am
It would not be here if we were not supposed to smoke it. God put it here.
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:56 am
lurker I know and the day I pushed her out I knew it wasn’t about me and I had to quickly decide if I was going to be a mother and responsible or sign her over……no one earned the right for kadie to call anyone mommie but me believe that…..lol….yall it wasn’t easy but i survived!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:57 am
Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..
DK – No you don’t see. I will remind you AGAIN that you don’t know me boo. I’m strategic in most EVERY thing I do. I think about consequences of my actions. This is part of the reason is why I don’t have any kids to begin with. Or any ridiculous drama in my life. It’s also why I’ve managed my life and money responsibly. Life is short, but can be quite long when you keep making foolish choices. Not to say I haven’t done dumb things…but I’m most definitely not callous and cavalier when it comes to this thing called life.
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
11:59 am
thanks swiss! so we actually celebrate this huh? shame.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
12:00 pm
Beautiful, why is it a shame? Are you being forced to do something you do not want to do?
lurker
April 20th, 2010
12:00 pm
Lady J – Those early years are the make it or break it years. You find out what kind stuff you’re made of.
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
12:01 pm
Hey Gang!
Hey Amred, glad to read ya!
My experiences with men with kids has overall been positive. One didn’t tell me he had one and I found out thru the grapevine after a year. Told yall about that already. My SO has wonderful children and I am very close to them & would be honored to be their stepmother should we marry. It is a different situation in that their mother passed away. But not only have they accepted me fully, but their father is wonderful and trusts me with them & we see eye-to-eye on childrearing. Also, his late wife’s family seems to really like me, so that’s a plus. It’s been very smooth.
I’m like you, Beautiful, in that as I got older I preferred a guy with children in case I could not have one.
I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders! If you’ve met women that made you choose, then they were not the ones for you! Next! Or is it a case of not looking at yourself in the mirror? Are you not able to make time for dating? If raising a child and working & maintaining a home has you so strung out that you can’t make room in your schedule for a personal life, then don’t do it. Don’t put a woman in that spot that you’re SO tied up that she feels she needs to ask for a little of your time. Think about it – even if you were married you would still need time with your spouse every now and then.
The above rant was just another view and reflects one of the times when dating a single dad was a challenge. Because later I actually found out he really was using the child as an excuse to not spend time with me. His mom was taking care of his daughter most of the time. And when someone cancels on you or can’t make plans and says it’s because of their child, what are you going to say? I must say, he milked it!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
12:03 pm
Ared – Youre not callious and Cavalier when it comes to dating?? Did you just say that?? You are callous and cavalier with everything else but not dating.. Hmmm I see..
DK – I will remind you again that you don’t know me boo. I’m not callous and cavalier with anything. Especially life. This is part of the reason why I’m not some “baby mama” or have some life full or drama and foolishness. Not to say I don’t make mistakes or haven’t done dumb things, but I’ve avoided plenty of pitfalls because I think of the consequences of my actions. Life is short, but can be quite long when making the wrong decisions.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
12:06 pm
….everyone is well aware of miss kadie baby but I do shelter her a bit
Lady J – I admire those who shelter their kids a bit. Not every child needs to know all about life by the time they turn 12. Nor do they need to meet everyone their parent associates with either.
mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!
April 20th, 2010
12:07 pm
Speaking of single parents, maybe some of the DADS can help me out with this one.
I have a few friends that are male on FaceB. They have kids but, the kids don’t live with them. They’ll post something like, “Ahhhh house is spotless, time to go workout.” Or “Ahhh Just got back from doing 9-holes.” Or “Nice day out, went to Piedmont park for a nice picnic by myself.”
I’m like WTH. I bet the mother’s of your KIDS can do that crap! They’re to busy taking care of both of YOUR kids… It just seems like most moms get the HARD end of the stick or a rougher deal than the men…
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm
lurker as I took her to the doctor yesterday I looked at her and smiled bc through God she has brought out the best in me…..it is stuff I though as a single mom I could never do and the stamina is unparallel….I am resilient and she keeps me grounded……..it was his only way of getting my attention bc I was on a dark road of self destruction……too blessed to be a mom, a single parent, and a co parent….it can work and I do have a great social life in between!
lurker
April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm
kimmie
April 20th, 2010
12:01 pm
Hey Gang!
Hey Amred, glad to read ya!
My experiences with men with kids has overall been positive. One didn’t tell me he had one and I found out thru the grapevine after a year. Told yall about that already. My SO has wonderful children and I am very close to them & would be honored to be their stepmother should we marry. It is a different situation in that their mother passed away. But not only have they accepted me fully, but their father is wonderful and trusts me with them & we see eye-to-eye on childrearing. Also, his late wife’s family seems to really like me, so that’s a plus. It’s been very smooth.
I’m like you, Beautiful, in that as I got older I preferred a guy with children in case I could not have one.
I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders!
I’m sure I’m frowned upon for this but I soooooo agree. It’s not about making it rocket science.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
12:08 pm
it is some co workers and close associates that haven’t even met my child
lady j same here
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
12:09 pm
It just seems like most moms get the HARD end of the stick or a rougher deal than the men…
Unless the dad is the one with full custody.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
12:09 pm
ARED – ……
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm
Hey kimmie! Good to read you too!
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)
April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm
Dang Kimmie what dude did was foul. I understand your first part of the post,though. A (wo)man’s children should always be thier first priority and what adult that truly cares for you would force you to choose between them and your children anyway? So the whole “you ain’t gon be first” shyt is just that some bullshyt….as has been stated earlier BALANCE IS KEY.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
12:10 pm
The blog today is like birth control.
http://macleans.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/mac_cover_090803.jpg
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm
ARed that is my point i dealt with too much as a child and teen ager too much adult ish and I am still not at peace with it….with time I hope to forgive both my parents but kadie puts the C in being a CHILD she doesn’t have a clue and her personality she don’t want to have a clue…..she is her own person…..I am blessed that God saw fit! Who knew!
for an example as an adult I am always serious or require some type of explanation just not carefree with the moment my childhood affected that….seriously..
lurker
April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm
This was all I was trying to post again ——>I get a little sick of the whole “you’ll never come before my kid” thing, though. Like they feel they have to LET YOU KNOW in a somewhat indignant manner. Men who have to preach that all the time – well, you’re only doing what you’re suppose to do by taking care of your child! Great! I would definitely have issue with any parent that put the needs of their child behind anybody or anything else. But guess what – I’ve got sense enough not to ASK or EXPECT you to choose between me & ya kid! So get the chip off of your shoulders!
Lady J – I agree, caring for kids can be demanding. I feel like you many days. The more you jump those hurdles the prouder you become.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm
Moms get a rougher deal than the Dads?? WTF!!
mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!
April 20th, 2010
12:11 pm
Correction – Mother’s of your kids CAN’T do that crap!
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
12:14 pm
From the single father’s at my job, they want more time with their kids. And I hear the single mother’s want more time away from their kids. On the outside looking in just do the math. Alas, I said earlier. Different dynamics for different situations.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
12:14 pm
Nor do they need to meet everyone their parent associates with either.
amen!
DreamsMaterialize
April 20th, 2010
12:15 pm
Are dudes really out there telling you all that there kids are first and you never will be? I’ve never felt the need to tell a woman this. If I want to pursue something with you, then having children won’t prevent me from doing so, but to use my children as an excuse not to pursue is just lame. I’ll just say I’m not interested in pursuing anything further.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm
From the single father’s at my job, they want more time with their kids
@ Carlito,
Now there is a differnce from being a single parent, and a parent who is single. Single parent typically means custodial parent. Are these men you speak of the custodial parent of their children?
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm
Is Pensacola nice? I keep seeing that banner at the top of this page today.
mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!
April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm
Lady J -……..it was his only way of getting my attention bc I was on a dark road of self destruction<——— T'is a shame that it took a child for some (me included) to get their shyt together, but hey wouldn't have changed it for the world. Motherhood has certainly been a blessing for me!!!!
lurker
April 20th, 2010
12:16 pm
Dreams – I’ve never been told but I’ve read it here many times…or at least that’s how it comes off. I wouldn’t buy into that though because they’re selling a product I’ve already bought.