Single parent dating
Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are. I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down. They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children. They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.
Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood. I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding. What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent? If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?
I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son. It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me. What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?
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373 comments Add your comment
i'm swiss
April 20th, 2010
10:54 am
Sorry to get off topic, but…
BlackMagic, this is for you… Maybe you can follow these ladies’ lead & raise some $$ to rescue Carlito’s horse…
LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!
April 20th, 2010
10:56 am
DK
Explain the Over Involved Dad Syndrome.. Cause from where Im standing you just came off as a selfish chick that I would run from immediately.. Or tell you that my child is my priority right now..
I believe both men and women can be especially selfish when it comes to a hands on parents time/resources. The key word is parent, and a child being your priority should be a given. Many times the selfishness is not limited to just dating someone with children… this is who she/he is… period.
SingleNAtlanta
If you, the person without kids is exercising flexibility, understanding and communicating the “over involved” usually appears this way if there is no balance or underlying activity/drama or you said it already… the other person is not really into you thus the kids are used as an excuse. Not a good look, keep it moving.
SexyCool - (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
10:58 am
CheeseMeister – thanks for answering my question yesterday and explaining your POV. I can relate to *some* of how you view it.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
10:58 am
Children really add an interesting dynamic to new relationships. If I really liked a woman who had a child I think I would find a nice compromise. I think I would just have a problem with enforcing the fathers rules if the kid lived with me and her. I would not spank his child but if he got unruly I would discipline the child living under my roof. I think that is just a road to disaster, I would imagine another man would not want me disciplining their child.
I did not know George Clinton and the Parliment had a concert last night in Atlanta.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
10:59 am
If anyone is interested, please let me know……so he can’t stop bothering me!!!lol
$70,000 a year goes fast with 3 mouths to feed tho…
SexyCool - (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
11:00 am
Met this guy who has three children who told me that he shared joint custody of the children and that he kept them for something like 5 days on, 5 days off or something like that. Let me know upfront that he would have no contact or communication of any kind with me during the 5 days that he had the children.
I wished him well, took my ball and went home.
Professor...
April 20th, 2010
11:00 am
I hope this isn’t read wrong, but the single dads I have met made it seem like they were doing a big deal by participating in the upbringing of their kids. It was almost like they wanted “The World’s Greatest Daddy Award,” or they were trying to appear like daddy of the year. My thing is take care of your child, I am not talking about a child support check and stop looking for a pat on the back.
That was the second biggest turnoff with dating a man with a child
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:00 am
Meant to say that when Chili’s son was encouraging her to date, he stated that whomever had to recognize he (the son) was the man of the house.
*smh* What real man is gonna go for that? I hate when parents make their children grow up faster than they need to. Childhood is fleeting… let them have one.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:02 am
Swiss, LOL. My horse is fine!
Professor...
April 20th, 2010
11:02 am
$70,000 a year goes fast with 3 mouths to feed tho…
Pardon me, but 70K is already gone if you have three mouths to feed and 1
LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!
April 20th, 2010
11:03 am
SexyCool… I wished him well, took my ball and went home.
As you should have, he was honest…:)
We all need to make informed choices!
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:04 am
McNabb WANTS T.O. in D.C.
I think that would work, the Redskins are hurting for wide outs.
SexyCool - (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
11:04 am
Melo – need you to respond to that email ASAP.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:10 am
LL – There has to be ablance in everything you do.. Work/Life/Children/Church or whatever.. I do an excellent job of all of the above. I think Im very involved in my childs life but I also like to date and do grown up things.. I need to exercise this ish whenever I can but I have always seemlessly floated between situations.. One day being Daddy and the next day being the Porn Star.. From the Corner to the Boardroom.. I do’s this..
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
11:12 am
jus ck’n in . . .
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:12 am
Just like single parenting is not for everybody. Dating a single parent is not for everybody.
However, don’t look down on it because its not your personal choice/situation. I know i personally have nothing against people who choose not to date single parents. That’s their perogative. My own brother prefers not do date single mothers. I encourage him to do what works for him, but i also let him know that he cannot speak negatively of single mothers as a whole at least not in my presence.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:14 am
One day being Daddy and the next day being the Porn Star.. From the Corner to the Boardroom.. I do’s this..
DK, you made me smile again LOL
JtJ
April 20th, 2010
11:14 am
@ ARed & Professor-that 70k could still work provided the woman brings her 70k to the table! His problem is the women he meets want him to take care of them completely and he can’t afford to!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:17 am
His problem is the women he meets want him to take care of them completely and he can’t afford to!
I’d love to be a stay at home mom, but knows that it will probably not happen for me.
czBrat
April 20th, 2010
11:18 am
I did not know George Clinton and the Parliment had a concert last night in Atlanta just saw that on ajc and was like AAAAGH!! can’t believe i missed that.
DK …. how’s the new lady love coming along? have i missed any updates?
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:20 am
communication, communication, communication…..without it in whatever your doing especially if it involved kids is a lost cause for stability and balance….
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:20 am
Bottom line if we work for each other we will fit into one anothers life and if not.. Poof!! We’ll disappear from each others sight.. This dating thang aint so hard.. My new friend understands just what it is off top and actually applauds the fact that I am a part of my sons life.. It will go wherever its supposed to go because I’ll never make a woman feel less important than my child but I’ll never choose between her and him..
Madeleine
April 20th, 2010
11:20 am
Sometimes, I want to say to people with kids to get over them little ugly ass mistakes of failed birth control that they act like are the answer to world peace.
You didn’t have the first kid in the world and you won’t have the last. So, your snotty-nosed, read on a first grade level but in the eighth grade rug rat doesn’t impress me.
And then if they are ugly or fat or smell funny on top of being dumb and disrespectful and undisciplined and acting out. That makes me want to put D-Con in their Cheerios.
I hate a fat, ugly kid.
On top of that, if you are not actively parenting your child, but just happen to have little people that live in your house, go sign up for some parenting classes or drink anti-freeze.
Luvbug
April 20th, 2010
11:21 am
it seems like the real theme of this show is about her and Money Mayweather getting together.
SexyCool – Considering Chilli’s long list, I don’t understand how Mayweather is even an option for her? Sure he doesn’t eat pork and is fine (to her), but he has two baby mothers who (I think) both claimed he smacked them. I’m not sure if he even married either of the baby mothers…and he tooted up his nose when she mentioned marriage in the first episode. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my own problems, but I can’t tell what she wants and where she’s trying to go.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:23 am
Damn Madeline.
Birth control works tho. Most people just get careless.
SexyCool (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
11:24 am
Luvbug – Chili may be acting like that list is non-negotiable, but even DAustin said that he smokes and drinks and he certainly ain’t all that cute. So, I’m calling “Bllsht” on the non-negotiable-ness of the list.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:25 am
DK youre 11:20 is on point
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:26 am
An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things….
lady j i like that ^^^^^
Luvbug
April 20th, 2010
11:28 am
Dang Madeleine. Tell us how you really feel.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:28 am
This dating thang aint so hard..
Bullshat.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:29 am
CZ – Yeah she’s cool.. Music in a era of noise.. The music is low right now but its turning itself up slowly day by day..
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:30 am
Ouch
For Real
April 20th, 2010
11:32 am
What up Blog Fam!
My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:32 am
I could never tell a woman how to raise her child, or how she should be in their life. Why? Because I do not have any children. If I did, I still would not. Different dynamics for different situations.
Carlito
April 20th, 2010
11:33 am
Children are scary, to many societal rules involved currently.
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:33 am
thanks Carlito!!!!!! that made my day!!!! your 11:32 ROCKS!!!
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:34 am
ARED – Dating aint hard.. Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:36 am
Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..
PREACH DK now that isn’t easy by a long shot and many non parents are dealing with this so we have much in common! LOL Who knew! LOL
Good one sir!
lurker
April 20th, 2010
11:37 am
SingleNAtlanta My problem comes with what I call the Over-Involved Dad syndrome, where they tell you immediately that kids are priority one (well of course they are) but in a way that is really saying you’ll never be.
and LL411 (your 10:56)
I’m agreeing. I’m a single mother and have always placed her as a priority but I don’t get the kicking the door down act or speech of “hey I’m single, no one else can do this that or the other” Good single parenting skills is keeping those things that are priority a priority. It what you naturally do, all the while living. It doesn’t call for the “extra” this that or the other. It’s just living. If I can’t make a date because of a need of my child, hey I just can’t make it but it’s not like, you’re booted because you want to infringe on my child’s time. Huh? I have sole custody of my child and outside of her dad, in 15 years she’s only been around 2 other. I never felt the need to introduce her to strangers but I never felt the need to shut folks out because she exists. Maybe it’s because there’s a difference in sole custody versus joint. I dunno. Not knocking, have read it too many times here.
Luvbug
April 20th, 2010
11:38 am
Just curious…
If a guy marries a woman and has children with her, should she expect to be number two in his heart? Or, does the second place rule only apply to stepmoms?
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:39 am
My advice to chicks that date single dads. YOU AIN’T GON BE NUMBER ONE IN HIS LIFE!!! Get use to it or get the steppin!!!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2010
11:39 am
Dating aint hard.. Its maintaining a meanigful life long relationship thats hard..
I disagree. I feel they both present challenges that prevent one from calling it easy.
Beautiful *Absolutely cannot be you.....I'm way too busy being me*
April 20th, 2010
11:40 am
can someone help me out plz? what is 420?
and dating a guy w/o kids won’t do for me. Chris, who lives in ATL, wanted to date me. single guy, no kids. i declined, because it wasn’t fair to him that i didn’t want to have any more. he stated that he would be ok. i said no, sorry. i want you to experience the joy of seeing your baby born . . . your flesh and blood.
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:40 am
Truth be told you couldnt have ever told me I would be a divorcee when I got married but heyal here I am living proof of the best laid plans often go awry.. I’m also living proof that you can have the best life after divorce and also be a great parent even though your not in the home with your child all the time. Im also proof that no matter what has happened in your situation that you can forgive people and moe on in your life only to be blessed in ways you never though imaginable.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:42 am
what is 420?
smokeout day or something like that
Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....
April 20th, 2010
11:42 am
hey lurker I feel your post and had to kind of check my ex husband regard the best daddy ever…while he very well is he was using it for validation for some insecurities he was dealing with…..I explained while he is in a minority of being a great dad and consistent he shouldn’t use it as a mechanism for who he really is….meaning he does shine as a dad but there are other areas to be worked on and being a dad can cover up all flaws….it does make it look better but who are you truly fooling??? Not me I know him well…
Mo (aka Moeisha )
April 20th, 2010
11:42 am
Hey Err’body!
DK – Im lovin your 11:20
On topic – I havent found it hard to date being a single parent. I save all that for the days I dont have my lil one and its cool. I divulge the fact that I have a kid upfront but only one guy that I have dated has actually met Lil Mo. Now I will admit that Im not too keen on dating a man that doesnt have a kid….I feel its a waste of time really. I do agree that you shouldnt introduce your kid to everyone, thats a recipe for disaster!
Hey For Real, how do?
SexyCool (still fallin')
April 20th, 2010
11:42 am
I say all the time “Love is easy. It’s the relationship that is a mphcka.”
TheDude and I are revisiting the one issue that seems to be recurring in our relationship. And whereas he gets frustrated because it’s something that we’ve discussed previously, I appreciate the conversations because with every new discussion about the issue, I learn something new and valuable.
However, that doesn’t mean I’m any less frustrated with having to keep talking about this. He just made the statement last night that he didn’t like having to have these conversations. I responded that I didn’t either. I then asked him (to confirm) that he did realize that good relationships don’t just happen, but require work.
And that while the fact that we are having the conversations raises his alarms, it is encouraging to me because it means that we are *doing the work*.
I am confident that the issue will be resolved or that a compromise will be reached. We’re just obviously not going to be able to have one little neat conversation that the delivers the resolution all prettily packaged with a nice bow on it.
PrincessNik
April 20th, 2010
11:42 am
I never felt the need to introduce her to strangers but I never felt the need to shut folks out because she exists
@lurker, I agree
THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D
April 20th, 2010
11:43 am
Ared – It may be difficult for you and thats fine..