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Single parent dating

Dating a single parent brings its own set of unique challenges. More often then not, it becomes a real test of how compatible two people really are.  I have met some single fathers who have the “single dad dating” thing down.  They know how and when to bring up the fact that the have children.  They also know the proper time to introduce their significant others.

Others have a hard time with balancing their dating life with the parenthood.  I always tell my friends with no children that getting involved with a single mom or dad takes understanding.  What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?  If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I dated one guy who waited weeks to tell me that he had a son.  It was a huge red flag because he was keeping a lot of things hidden from me.  What would you do if you discovered the person you were dating had a child or children?

373 comments Add your comment

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
8:46 am

If you are a single parent, how do you manage to work, parent, and date?

I will be the first one to say its not easy. It definately takes planning and a strong support system. However, i will say it is doable, if the other person is really into you they will be understanding about your schedule, and they will be okay with having to plan in advance for the most part. Right now, the newbie and I typically do “lunch dates”, because his schedule is hectic also (even without kids). However, we are both understanding and respectful of the things each of us has going on.

I have dated guys in the past who were kind of put off by the fact that as a single parent I couldn’t always do spur of the moment dates. Or guys who were jealous of the amount of time that I invest in my daughter. Her father lives like 2 hours away and his work schedule is awful. My mom is a widow, my sister a divorcee so everyone is ‘dating’ which cuts back on some of the babysitting i used to be able to depend on.

I am always upfront with guys, if i meet them and my daughter is not with me, during our first phone conversation i make it known i have a daughter.

czBrat

April 20th, 2010
8:54 am

GM All!!

first of all, full disclosure up front. don’t ambush someone after they’ve begun to settle into the idea of being with you that it’s actually you + 1 (or 2 or 3) :shock:

second of all, if you’re the single parent dating, not every date needs to meet the kid(s). be cautious and selective with that process. you could end up overwhelming the lil ones with a string of “uncle him’s” and “miss her’s”.

third of all, if you’re thinking about getting involved with a single parent be prepared to be very flexible with your time and plans. don’t expect to be a priority. figure out early on if you can handle sharing your guy or gal with their lil one(s).

Mike P

April 20th, 2010
9:01 am

I wouldn’t date a single parent, not anymore. It takes time for a person to get close enough to another to feel a connection, that can lead into a serious relationship. Most single parents I’ve dated in the past couldn’t devote sufficient time to allow this process to occur. The others had way too much drama going on that they shouldn’t have been out in the dating scene. This has been my experience with single mothers.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:02 am

cZ

good advice, same things i try to share with my other single parent friends. Definately be cautious and selective with whom you introduce your child to and how you introduce them. My daughter is seven, and besides her dad she has only been around one other guy i dated. People need to think, you know how hard it is on you when a break-up occurs little minds take it even harder.

Also, to those thinking of dating a single parent, don’t press the issue of meeting the child(ren). In due time it will happen.

Carlito

April 20th, 2010
9:15 am

I have never been in this situation. Have a great day :)

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
9:16 am

Morning
First and foremost, single parents should not be seriously dating unless they have their affairs in order in referrence to their situation. Make sure your situation is stable before you start dating. It isn’t fair to invite someone into contentious situation. Otherwise, just be honest about your obligations, as well as the time and resources required for you to meet those obligations. I try to give a woman all the insight she needs to make an informed choice about whether to pursue something with me. I understand if she chooses not to.

SlimCoco-puffs shows her CT to all the boyz on da yard

April 20th, 2010
9:17 am

Good morning!

I tend to let guys know within our 1st two dates that I am the proud mother of…..my boy BLUE (my kitty cat) ;-) He’s about 5yrs old and loves me some Blue….But on a serious note, I am childless so don’t have much to contribute on the topic of Single-Parent dating. As far as me dating guys with kids…I tend to shy away from it or either it just doesn’t work out.

HAPPY TWIRLING TONGUE TUESDAYS :MRGREEN:

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:22 am

Make sure your situation is stable before you start dating.

Dreams M, by this statement i take it you are referring to any issues with the other parent?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:23 am

Its simple every Monday and Wednesday I have my son, so nodoby gets laid on those days. Oh and every other weekend. Thats our time together that I thoroughly enjoy, so either you can deal with or you cant. Sorry.. He didnt ask to be here so guess who comes first.. If that means I’ll never get married because of that, then so be it. But heyal I dont wanna get remarried anyway so, Wooo Hooo! I guess Im good..

Jahid Abdulshahid

April 20th, 2010
9:27 am

I’m a seasoned single parent. I retained custody of my son at his age of 3 when I divorced his mom.
I adjusted my entire life style as a result, now being both mom and dad. I found that most women have a serious problem dating a single dad that is the custodial parent. My rule has always been to make my dependent child my first priority. Many of my potential dates suggested tha I send my son to his mother and continue our relatinship by placing her children in the place of my son. I inquired of them as to why they had that view. The answers were that they are mothers and the children should be in the custody of the mother. I disagreed. The best situation is for childre to be with both parents, however when that is not possible, the child should be with the parent mos capable to tend to the needs of the child. That was me and I was a good father.

I have had my share of women and some. One day I might find a lady that can understand that fathers love their dhildren as much mothers and will realize that their selfish desires should be set aside and stay with their children’s bilogical dad.

Single parenting is not for everybody. It requires strong commitment,perserverence, and love.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:29 am

DK,

you made me smile :)

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:30 am

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over…..

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
9:30 am

Single parenting is not for everybody. It requires strong commitment,perserverence, and love.

now this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^needed repeating, from the outside lookin in, you only think you know, but until you actually become a single parent…………………

Lady J-An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things....

April 20th, 2010
9:36 am

DK and DreamsM and PK yall summed it up!!!!! DK love your 9:30……..a stable supportive system will give room for great social time….there is a balance to all with being a parent not only dating just “ME” time…..it isn’t often and it is ok bc kids are first but when you can incorporate it in do it responsibly……you become aware of what is worth your time and not bc that schedule thingy with co-parenting is serious and must be respected……peace

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:36 am

Nik – Well Im glad I could make you smile..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
9:43 am

I appreciate my son for one thing if nothing else.. He showed my how to love.. He showed me that there is something more important than me. There are many days I have gone without to make sure he had and felt good that he had and I didnt even matter in the equation. My Lil Dude was/is a blessing that has made my life richer just by him being in it.. Its crazy but I would most def give my life in order for him to live and Ive never known love like that not even from my parents.. Thats why I tell him everyday Daddy loves him so he’ll know. He’ll always know.. He wont ever have to wonder about who loves him or go looking for it in the streets he’ll always have it at home..

i'm swiss

April 20th, 2010
9:47 am

Morning all. Not much to say on topic, so I’ll pop back in later. Just send out the Bat Signal when the topic changes — put on some Coldplay or mention something about booty… ;-)

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:51 am

KUDOS – To all those single parents out there cause I KNOW it t’aint easy!!!!

It would seem as if dating would have it’s place when the child is a little older ONLY, but what do I know. I could

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:53 am

Oh wasn’t finished… I could NOT, I repeat.. NOT do this alone! I guess if I had to…. but I just can’t even imagine. I truly have an AMAZINGLY disgusting lil monster man! He’s alot to handle, and by myself… can’t see it!

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
9:56 am

Dreams M, by this statement i take it you are referring to any issues with the other parent?
I’m talking about any issues with the other parent of with your own children. Make sure that all aspects related to your children are stable. You shouldn’t be inviting people into your life while you still have some loose ends to tie up.

One day I might find a lady that can understand that fathers love their dhildren as much mothers
Our society tends to buy into the hype that mothers are always in the best interests of the children. Many women also don’t want to believe that a man can be as good a parent as they can. I meet single moms all the time who feel they need to give me “advice” on parenting because there’s just no way a man could really know about raising kids on his own. Now don’t get me wrong…I’ll take good advice no matter where it comes from, but don’t approach me like I’m the “clueless” guy. I’m a student of life, and I do my homework, so make sure you’ve done yours when trying to dole out advice.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
9:58 am

Infamous – I watched Chili’s show and her face went blank when a potential said he didn’t speak to his son every day…

My best friends fiance just left her, and they have a 9 month old and a 2year old :-| She’s needing that village right about now. I wish I was there (she lives near Chicago) to help her out :-(
Just t’aint fair….

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:00 am

It would seem as if dating would have it’s place when the child is a little older ONLY, but what do I know

@mqew, it’s one of those things where each individual situation is different. Some parents would not be comfortable dating until their child is older. Some have been masterful at finding balance, others cannot handle the pressures of single parenting or co-parenting and want someone to be around as soon as possible. There will be times as a single parent that you will have to place some things on hold, be it educationally, financially, romantically. However, I don’t agree with giving up on something. To everything there is a season…

I look at it like this for me personally if i’m going to get married and have another child its going to have to be in the next few years. No marriage, no baby.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:00 am

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:02 am

Dreams M

I feel ya, that’s the same way i feel.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:03 am

Ok side bar.. I just listened to Royce Da 5′9″ freestyle to Drake’s OVER and all I can say is OwwwwwwwCCCChhhhhh!! That dude is ridonkulous..

And RIP GURU… The game is gonna miss real rhymes..

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:04 am

Have dated parents in the past. Actually prefer not to, but it’s not a dealbreaker depending on the actual circumstances.

And I certainly will no longer date anyone who is not actively involved in the parenting of their child – physically, emotionally, financially.

I’ve learned that it says a lot about a man’s character if he has children that he is not providing for.

mqew – Saw that episode of Chili’s show that you were talking about. Something that I thought was curious in the first episode of the show when he was encouraging her to date, but said that whomever she dated had to understand that he was the “man of the house.” Er, um, yeah….side eye on that. Also, it seems like the real theme of this show is about her and Money Mayweather getting together.

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:09 am

I’ve learned that it says a lot about a man’s character if he has children that he is not providing for

if he won’t take care of his own flesh and blood what can he do for you, or would you even want him to do for you. :idea:

DreamsMaterialize

April 20th, 2010
10:10 am

mqew mad love to GURU

“Actions have reactions, don’t be quick to judge
You may not know the harships people don’t speak of
It’s best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth”

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:10 am

Dreams M – My opposition doesnt come from women in the street the see a dude is a great father.. My main opposition I have been having is with my own Mother.. She seems to think she has to tell me everything about my child.. Its actually been a sore spot as of late because its like if I tell my son to do something its like shes questioning it or she waits until I turn around and tell him its ok to do what I just told him not to do.. Ive been trying to be cool but I cant go for the undermining, from who ever it comes from.. We’ve had these conversations and it seems she doesnt get it.. I hate to stay away cause my Son loves Nanny…

PrincessNik

April 20th, 2010
10:16 am

Ive been trying to be cool but I cant go for the undermining, from who ever it comes from..

DK

we are so >>>>>>>>>>>here<<<<<<<<<

the quickest way to get on my bad side is to comment negatively on my parenting or to undermine me, you better get ready for war! Luckily now that my daughter is a little older she will tell you "mommy doesn't let me do xyz" she has even been know to call and confirm with me if it's okay for her to go against the norm because she is with granny, or daddy…….

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:18 am

Royce says

Yes I be poppin a lotta ish
You cant do nothing bout it Bish
So get the heads up
Or be my rockem sockem opposite
Im like a stock or Bond
that can drop a bomb
riding slow
with the sliding doe
on the side open on that mini van
not intended for soccer moms.

SingleNAtlanta

April 20th, 2010
10:19 am

Children are of course a blessing, and if a man has children, I would expect to find out within the first date or two, depending on where the conversation went. Longer than that and agree – red flag.
My problem comes with what I call the Over-Involved Dad syndrome, where they tell you immediately that kids are priority one (well of course they are) but in a way that is really saying you’ll never be. I see men using parenting as a obstacle, or have been around too many men who just aren’t resourceful enough to use a calendar.
But then, I guess if these guys were really into me, then they would find the time to see me, and not use thier kids as an excuse.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
10:19 am

Mornting blog!!

Have dated parents in the past. Actually prefer not to, but it’s not a dealbreaker depending on the actual circumstances.

This is soo me right now. I’ve dated men with children and it’s NEVER worked out for several reasons: 1. The first guy was here living in the “A” with his son while the mother was in Philly….within a month of us meeting he wanted me to move in with him and help him mother his son…A MONTH!! No I didn’t have to speculate b/c that’s what he said plain and simple. Needless to say I was GHOST like a puff of smoke and disappeared. 2. The second situation involved my ex with the “baby mama” wsith the iq of a rock. It seemed like she was forever doing something stupid and/or creating a mess(with the kids) that dude always had to clean up nad it almost always involved him spending money. It was some never ending circular bullisth that really got to me and was a part of the demise of our relationship.

Dating men with children is not a deal breaker if the guy has the situation under control but if I had to choose I wouldn’t immediately go that dating route. I understand that that in itself reduces my dating choices but there are alot of eligible men in the “A” without children….and they don’t have to be AA per se.

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:20 am

DK – it sounds like your moms thinks that indulging your son is a grandparental right. *Interesting*…and not in a good way. I hope she will soon fall in.

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:23 am

@DK..all you can do is stand your ground and stay firm with your mom. But don’t go high and to the left. How about this Mother’s Day or before taking your Mom out alone just the two of you and explain to her how you feel..but also try to understand what she is doing in her head and mind is not meant to be harmful..just she has been at this longer than you and she thinks she knows better. Actually when and if you decide to try this..mention to her that you appreciate her insights and help and you know its Nanny’s duty and right to spoil the grand baby but that you would appreciate her letting you learn a bit thru trial and error. Maybe just maybe it might work.

mqew - GURU!!!?!!!! R.I.P!!!! - HIP HOP IS dead!

April 20th, 2010
10:24 am

PrincessNik – Duly noted… To everything there is a season, indeed!

SCool – If he’s not taking care of them, is shyt is NOT together, AND hopefully he’d know this and act accordingly. That show is bs. At the end of the episode I saw, Chili’s friends were asking her if she could see herself with Mayweather, and she said, Yes. Wellll, what the hell you waiting on heifer? I’m done.

Infamous – My mother and I only have “words” when she’s trying to tell me what I should do with my son. If I need advice, I’ll ask for it. Thanks, but we got this!

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:25 am

Oh yeah Good morning All..I have spoken my peace and counted to three many times on this topic..so I bow out of this one.

JtJ

April 20th, 2010
10:26 am

@ Mike P “The others had way too much drama going on that they shouldn’t have been out in the dating scene.—Define the “drama” that you speak of. I am just curious if it means the drama of raising her kids or drama with the absentee parent.
Single parents can date and should date, they just have to plan more in advance and those who choose to date them must be understanding of the fact that their children will sometimes interfere in their dating time. That’s just a fact. I cannot stand it when “men” say that women with a kid(s) should not date!!!!….so does that mean the “man” who help create the kid(s) should not either??? She certainly did not get pregnant by herself.
There is a balance to do anything in life and choosing to date when you have kids certainly require balance. I love that my ex-husband is reliable enough that he gets the kids every other weekend. This allowed me to plan dates and have some “me” time. Now, as far as my ex-husband, he can’t seem to find anyone that understands that he has to put his attention , time, and money to his kids 1st. He says that most of the women he date don’t like that he pays his child support first and can’t wine and dine them like they want. I tell him he just needs to stop leading with his wallet when he meets them.

My ex-husband profile:
6’4, 260lbs- Muscular, bald head, dark skin…….Has a good job, makes about 70K/yr- Has 3 kids from previous marriage- 14,11,7. If anyone is interested, please let me know……so he can’t stop bothering me!!!lol

SexyCool - (still fallin')

April 20th, 2010
10:28 am

Meant to say that when Chili’s son was encouraging her to date, he stated that whomever had to recognize he (the son) was the man of the house.

Oh…and I also liked how Dallas Austin basically called “Bllsht” on Chili’s list of *man requirements.*

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:29 am

Single – Explain the Over Involved Dad Syndrome..

Cause from where Im standing you just came off as a selfish chick that I would run from immediately.. Or tell you that my child is my priority right now..

abc

April 20th, 2010
10:30 am

I was a single parent on the dating scene. I never had to decide about the best time to bring it up, because it was already known that I had 2 teenagers at home with me. I never had to hide anything from my teens, either, as far as dating goes. I didn’t need help with being a parent, nor cooking, cleaning, laundry, the dog, or anything else, so an issue of wanting them to move in never arose. Frankly, I never met one that I’d want to take on like that, period. As far as I was concerned, dating sucked, and I still pretty much feel that way about it. I’m very glad to be out of the game!

LL411... Smiling On The Inside Too!

April 20th, 2010
10:30 am

Parent of two (18 & 11)… my children were 13 & 6 when I decided to divorce. I could not even fathom bringing another man into my mix before the divorce was final. I know many do go on “to the next one” before the ink is dry. I had work to do on me and my house before I would even consider it (over a year and a half) and no one met the kiddies. My s/o asked me out the first time inviting the kids,,, ummmmm no! It’s all good now, we act accordingly when they are present (they have seen us share a smooch or two :) ), and 4 years later they have never awoke to him in my bed nor to I stay gone all night. I come home at a respectable hour (by say 12:30) when they know I’ve been to his place. We wait until they are gone to grandma’s, dads, etc., then run nekkid through the house all night long :) :)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 20th, 2010
10:34 am

Rest in Peace Dr.Dorothy Height

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
10:35 am

What kind of advice would you give someone who is dating a single parent?

Run. :lol:

Morning all.

Luvbug

April 20th, 2010
10:37 am

I briefly dated a guy with a kid and spent the majority of our time together trying to figure out why he and his baby’s mother didn’t stay together…and trying to pressure him into working it out with her. I want people to stay together.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. DAD D

April 20th, 2010
10:38 am

Kym – Umm yeah we’ve had those talks before but this is what you have to understand.. My Mom is a old school Taurus classic Bull in the China shop and if you dont grab her by her horns every now and again she’ll bull you over.. I mean just yesterday it got so heated because she insists on feeding my 4 yr old l ike he’s a baby.. I told her to let him eat on his own.. And it went completely downhill from there.. It always ends up with her saying “I just trying to do the right thing” but whos to say what you think is right is actually right.. Ive learned over the years that giving people a piece of your mind is actually not the move.. Who are you and what makes you so important that a person deserves or wants a piece of your mind.. WHo gives a sh!t about your mind and your thoughts..

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
10:43 am

Hola,

I do not have any kids, and I am not a big fan of dating guys with kids. I think children are beautiful, however all most of the single dads I met did not have their ish together.

Professor...

April 20th, 2010
10:51 am

Who are you and what makes you so important that a person deserves or wants a piece of your mind.. WHo gives a sh!t about your mind and your thoughts..

You just made me think on that one, I will never look at the saying the same.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2010
10:53 am

I too have given dating single dads a shot. It doesn’t work for me. For one, I’d like to be a first time parent with the man I marry. It’s important to me. Both of my sisters married men who have a daughter from a previous relationship and I can tell you that marriage is hard enough without bringing immediate step parenthood into the equation.

Secondly, I do believe your spouse comes first in your relationship, and that’s hard to do when the kid was there before you were even in the picture. And from the single parents I know, their child will always be first. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s a balance I don’t want in my marriage.

Fortunately, there are plenty of guys out there with no children, so I just focus on dating those. Perhaps if I met one who “gets it” I’d reconsider.

Kym-RIP Dorothy Height

April 20th, 2010
10:53 am

@DK ohh I understand Bull in the China shop believe me.(Bull in China shop right here) I don’t know if your mom has other grandkids or if your son is the first one..but it sounds like a classic case of..”I am the grandmother, I know best heck I raised you joker!!” And sometimes you have to pull folks in when you really want to push them back.

Example: My son has figured out my Bullish ways(okay I am a Cancer..but I still mother and fuss and bully at times) That joker hit me with my own hot facts one day..(irksome to know end) I told him to do something and I felt like he is not doing it quite right so I went over to show him again…He said “Mom I got it..remember you taught me how to do this?” I just kind of stared and then smiled..and left him be..he was right..I showed him how..he knows what to do…now if he could just learn to wash his butt so he doesn’t smell like old feet..I would be grateful but thats a whole other Oprah.