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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Scaring her off

I don’t worship at the Church of Oprah or anything, but sometimes her shows really fascinate me.  For example, yesterday she had a security expert on to talk about ways women could look for signs of potentially dangerous men.   He even developed an assessment tool that can be used to determine “how much of a threat” an abusive person could be, called MOSAIC:

I can understand the need to find out this kind of thing.  Especially if domestic violence is involved.  It made me think about how a lot of us don’t listen to our instincts and intuition.  Sometimes we are oblivious to what we project in our behavior.

In my experiences, some men don’t always know how they come across to women.  There are many ways that a guy can scare a woman off when he is trying to do the opposite.  Ladies, what type of behaviors do some men have that tend to scare you away? Have you ever told a guy why he torpedoed any chances of dating you because of something that really bothered you?

Guys, have you ever met a great woman and scared her off with something you did? Was it intentional? Can you tell when your behavior has been perceived in a negative way by a woman?  Do you try to explain it or do you cut your losses and keep it moving?

Happy Friday!

424 comments Add your comment

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
10:13 am

willie d those alternative settings are so cool routine is just that…it sets the tone for quality substance! Good post!

kimmie

April 16th, 2010
10:13 am

Good Happy Almost Weekend Gang!

Professor, love your list! Like yours too Leggs!

DK – That was FABULOUS!! I love it! That sounds almost like me & my SO’s first date. It is wonderful having someone you can TALK to & be attracted to at the same time! Love that little shoe switchup, by the way!LOL!! Yeah, the festival & picnic sound perfect for you two!

On topic – Other than the usual signs & red flags, I have learned to really trust my instincts. There have been times when my instincts did not seem logical so I tried to dismiss them, only to regret it later. There have been some guys that didn’t do anything wrong – they just had that unexplainable creepyness about them that scared me away. Could have been nice guys, but I don’t miss what I never had.

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
10:16 am

kimmie that is a great way to put it…..unexplainable creepyness….lol….and I know there are plenty of men that feel the same way about some women they meet….lol it is ok to meet n greet and keep it moving….lol

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:19 am

@SlimCoo-Coo ~ No. If a man asks for my number or wants to give me his and I want to get to know him more, we’ll exchange numbers.

However, if a man starts talking crap as soon as I step out the car I keep on walking.

As I’m talking with the one I gave my number to and he starts talking out the side of his mouth, I will call him on it. Depending on what it is I may laugh and ask why he said what he said. But no, I don’t immediately shoot people out the water if that’s what you’re asking.

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:21 am

DK – I hope to exchange some O faces pretty soon…it’s spring dayumit :mrgreen: Well just enjoy, I love the initial long conversations and excitement with someone you really feel you have a vibe with. Either way, hope all goes well…the picnic idea sounds cool. I’ve been thinking about planning one myself. What’s a good park to do it at though? Piedmont? Centennial?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:22 am

Willie – Mayne this chick is ferocious.. But shes got the demeanor that she doesnt get how cute she is.. Got out the car with nothing but lip gloss and glasses. When she took her glasses of and the sun hit them brown eyes, I had to pull a toastmasters move and focus on the top of her head..

Willie Dynamite

April 16th, 2010
10:23 am

On Topic – I dont think I’ve ever just scared a woman off. I’ve never been the overly aggressive type trying to have my way. A few I prolly slept on because I didn’t want it if it was that easy. That in itself is a turn-off. If I know I can get it like that then I dont want it. I am also turned off by the cursing like a Sailor. I dont mind you cursing as a part of normal ADULT conversation but every other word gets me ghost fast. One other thing is dont bust out the hurdle list on me. I’d rather not deal with the 3.5 dates to a kiss, 6.7 dinners before you get the tip, 90 days before the do type Chicks. At least dont verbalize it. If I feel like a Dog doing tricks for treats then I’m ghost. Either you feeling me or not.

Melo

April 16th, 2010
10:24 am

@Proff!

ur number 3,Nasty car on a phine looking female is also kinda scary too.

why not get urself a cheap and reasonalble car thats claen and reliable??

Reg flag!

Respectful- a man that knows how to disagree and argue without talking about my momma or my weave. He knows how to stay on the issue, and not make it personal

This is a good one!

Ive seen it, even on the blog, a party loses an argument on points and they belittle u by calling u a derog name! :lol:

There is smething to be admired about a person who says,”u right” or “i disagree” without taking it to the left field!

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:28 am

Leggs No I wasnt asking if you shoot brothers down off the rip. Just wanted to know how you let dudes down when you aren’t interested. That’s all. Seems like if a dudes asks you if you’re in a relationship and you tell them no, but also express that you aren’t interested in exchanging numbers that they keep trying to find a way to get you to give up the digits. I don’t want to start lying telling folks I’m married or something LOL!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:28 am

Slim – Im still Sangle now and until things change Im not shutting down the world off of one date..

There is a park in the heart of Buckhead thats real cool.. OR.. They just opened up the beginning of the Beltline so you can check that out..

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:28 am

@SlimCoo-Coo just remember, there aren’t a lot of trees at Centennial to sit under (not that you have to have a tree). But, it show helps block out some of the sunrays!

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:40 am

Maybe one day I’ll take a Sunday drive around the city to check out potential picnic date areas….

Mo (aka Moeisha )

April 16th, 2010
10:40 am

Hey Err’body, TGIF!!

Im speed reading to catch up so give me a sec….

Its supposed to rain tomorrow and I am glad!! WHEW!

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:42 am

@SlimCoo-Coo ~ ok, gotcha! I get quite a few guys asking if I’m married. Depending what I see standing in front of me and how they speak, I more often say “yes, my husband wouldn’t appreciate me exchanging phone numbers.” Most smile and say ok. I have gotten a few who said something as dumb as “I don’t want to see your husband, I like to see more of you.” I SMDH and walk either in the store or to my car. Glib answers like that are just that glib and need to fall at my feet and stomped on as I shashshay away. So, yes there have been times I have lied just to stop any further conversation.

For others I don’t want to continue talking to or just tired of straining to understand “what is coming out of their moufs” I say I’m recently divorced and not ready for potential dating. Most understand this (LOL).

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:42 am

Anyone ever done the Sky Walk (adventure course) at Stone Mountain park?

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:44 am

“I’m recently divorced and not ready for potential dating”

Yeah I told a dude the other day that I just got out of a long term relationship and I’m not ready to meet anyone new…that went in one ear and out the other. He told me not to sleep on him or else I could miss out. lol

SexyCool

April 16th, 2010
10:44 am

If you have a wife or a live in or a girlfriend or someone who thinks they’re your girlfriend, or three baby mommas or tat on your face or grubby paws (short stubby, ugly fingers) that scares the sht outta me. NEXT!

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:45 am

I’m sorry, I know I’m coming across as if I only meet “indigent” type folk (LOLOL), but that’s not the case. I don’t go out and party a lot so those I meet at stores, gas stations, etc sometimes leaves me scratching my head.

kimmie

April 16th, 2010
10:46 am

Leggs – I can’t stand those glib comments either! Plenty times I have responded that I’m seeing someone, only to have them reply “You don’t know whatcha missin”!

kinderbabe--29 days and counting! woohoo!

April 16th, 2010
10:47 am

hey everybody…happy friday!!:)

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:47 am

@SlimCoco ~ just realized I’ve been spelling Coo Coo wrong. Anyway, my smart mouth would more than likely say “well, guess I have to miss out!”

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:49 am

You know thats one thing I never do.. If babe tells me shes in a relationship or whatever I just reply “Well it was still nice to meet you” and keep it pushing.

kimmie

April 16th, 2010
10:49 am

Leggs/Slim – Sometimes I just keep saying no thank you as I smile & quickly walk away. Even if it’s not a “no thank you” type question. They look at me like I’m crazy & usually leave me alone!

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:50 am

You know, we all think we’re the “cat’s meow.” Nothing wrong there. What’s wrong is when you come across so smug and so conceited that there must be cotton in your ears because you can’t anything I’m saying and you keep talking, walking behind me, trying to lean in my car window….GTFAFM!

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
10:50 am

Sometimes I just keep saying no thank you as I smile & quickly walk away

Kimmie, me too!!! or i’ll say i’m good and keep it moving.

Melo

April 16th, 2010
10:51 am

@@IDK??

She seems to be on point so far!

I suggest u take her to a pool place,where they also serve liqor and see how the interaction is with other pple and also how she handles liqor,if at all! :lol:

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:51 am

@InfamousD ~ that’s a response most ladies are looking for. Unfortunately, not many speak that language.

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
10:52 am

ohhhh a major turn off for me is a dude getting slick out the mouth in his approach while my daughter is standing there.

Carlito

April 16th, 2010
10:52 am

Whip that trick! I’m on a horse.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:53 am

Princess & Kimmie – Ya’ll bet not say that I’m good or No thank you to me like that or Imma grab ya biscuits and say now you are truly good… Imma be licking my fingers too after I do it so ya’ll will think Im pure D crazy..

abc

April 16th, 2010
10:53 am

Basic approach makes a big difference. Regardless if you’re male or female, if you’re bringing it because you like the looks, want some physical attention, and want the control that sort of thing can bring, then you’re likely to come off as scary or creepy. If, on the other hand, you have a genuine interest in the other as a person, and want to do things with them to get to know them better, you’ll have much more success in meeting them from the start.

Now, that certainly flies in the face of what’s typically discussed on this blog, but then, most of the discussion on the blog is about relationship failure, rather than relationship success. Hence the name, ‘Misadventures’.

Carlito

April 16th, 2010
10:54 am

Infamous, good stuff to read. Is the new lady from the south?

Raqi

April 16th, 2010
10:54 am

Being too forthcoming in the beginning always scared me. Guys thinking they can stake claim after one date were clear signs of being possessive.

I know I scared many off just being a mother. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

I am a somewhat quirky person and some may have found that to be not to their liking and were scared off.

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
10:54 am

Mr. Buck

you are foolish LOL

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:54 am

“just realized I’ve been spelling Coo Coo wrong”

@Leggs – well I was SlimCoo-Coo up until this morning…Now I’m Slim Co-Co :-D You know I’m a Gemini and all my personalities like to get a chance to blog. LOL!

I also hate when you tell a dude you’re with someone, that they then go to We Can be friends can’t we. DUDE you don’t want to be my Friend…CUT FRIEND maybe, but my friend….naw.

abc

April 16th, 2010
10:55 am

Leggs, there’s a big problem with people that think they’re the “cat’s meow”, all that plus dessert. The quote goes along the lines of the challenge of reconciling the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think of us.

Raqi

April 16th, 2010
10:56 am

Guys that offer way too many compliments to the point of being…dang what’s the word I am looking for?

Whatever that word is, yeah that always scared me off.

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
10:56 am

I know I scared many off just being a mother. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Raqi, same here, but that surely doesnt’ bother me cause that just confirms it wasnt’ meant to be.

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:56 am

@abc ~ I agree with you, but it’s amazing how that “basic approach” has been forgotten by many.

You funny pointing out most of the discussions here are about dating failure hence the name Misadventures….We know, we know (guess that’s better than a DUH!) :wink:

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:58 am

@abc ~ thank you. I know what the premise of the quote means. On a softer side of that quote, I’m saying nothing wrong with being self-confident, just don’t be so damn cocky with it!

Raqi

April 16th, 2010
10:59 am

Infamous , So she got you like that huh? LOL I sense a little virtual spring in your step this morning.

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
10:59 am

Wow, after hitting send, thought “cocky” would be banned!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 16th, 2010
11:00 am

Mornting blog

Professor your 9:29 and 9:38 says it all for me,too….good posts.

Awww DK that’s soo soo sweet. I’m glad you had fun and hope the 2nd date is even better. That’s what’s up.

Side note: What makes a woman a cougar/puma/jaguar?…are those terms valid or just a fad? I ask b/c I’ve got this “friend” who’s younger than I am(12 yrs actually) that’s been sweatin me for a while but I’ve been slow to respond b/c of the age difference. He’s a nice guy and physically he’s everything I like(6″7′,chocolatey brown and foine) and currently out of the country playing basketball.

He called me last night and instantly the time came to mind…..he said he’ll be home in a few weeks and I’m on the menu….WHAT TO DO? That other Sassy wants to work him over but I’m tryna be good but it’s soo soo hard when I see him….I wanna climb him but I’m trying to take it slooow.

Raqi

April 16th, 2010
11:01 am

Yeah, Princess those were the ones not meant for me.

Carlito

April 16th, 2010
11:01 am

Turn off to me is a woman with a foul mouth, okay to let some slip sometimes but not as everyday conversation. Or a woman who does not know ow to communicate without being harsh. Teeth, dirty or with gaps is a turn off. A woman who does not have proper dining etiquette, she has to know which fork to use. That really bothers me when at a dinner date. She already has a strike against her. A woman who sits with her legs open no matter what she is wearing is a turn off.

Have I ever ran a woman off? Plenty of times. :) It used to be kind of fun doing that.

Carlito

April 16th, 2010
11:03 am

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
11:03 am

Lito – Yeah shes from the south.. New D@mn Orleans.. A d@mn Aints fan.. Thats bout the only issue I have with her so far..

Lurking

April 16th, 2010
11:03 am

Carlito reads like w8 sometimes.

Raqi

April 16th, 2010
11:04 am

Hello Carlito. How are you this morning?

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
11:05 am

Lito – She told me she cant ever introduce me to her dad cause Im a Falcon fan. I told her likewise for my Mom..