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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Scaring her off

I don’t worship at the Church of Oprah or anything, but sometimes her shows really fascinate me.  For example, yesterday she had a security expert on to talk about ways women could look for signs of potentially dangerous men.   He even developed an assessment tool that can be used to determine “how much of a threat” an abusive person could be, called MOSAIC:

I can understand the need to find out this kind of thing.  Especially if domestic violence is involved.  It made me think about how a lot of us don’t listen to our instincts and intuition.  Sometimes we are oblivious to what we project in our behavior.

In my experiences, some men don’t always know how they come across to women.  There are many ways that a guy can scare a woman off when he is trying to do the opposite.  Ladies, what type of behaviors do some men have that tend to scare you away? Have you ever told a guy why he torpedoed any chances of dating you because of something that really bothered you?

Guys, have you ever met a great woman and scared her off with something you did? Was it intentional? Can you tell when your behavior has been perceived in a negative way by a woman?  Do you try to explain it or do you cut your losses and keep it moving?

Happy Friday!

424 comments Add your comment

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
8:48 am

Happy Friday!!!!!

This makes me think of I guy I met a few years back and I suspected he was an recovering addict…..didn’t have the balls to ask it was just something weird about him…..it never went anywhere I kept it moving….I know assuming is wrong but that gut feeling was there….he was good people though through conversation…..

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:15 am

Hola!

Ladies, what type of behaviors do some men have that tend to scare you away?

I will say this guys that try to rush into a relationship or the bedroom scare me away. Plus I do not like it when I tell a man that we can meet and he insist on trying to De-bo his way to my home.

SlimCoo-Coo

April 16th, 2010
9:16 am

Good morning! HAPPY FREAKY-LESS FRIDAY (I think yall pretty much covered all that yesterday) ;-)

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
9:18 am

Professor

I agree with you

Lady J
but that gut feeling was there

^^^^^^^that feeling is usually on point

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:22 am

you got it PK!!!!!!! LOL

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
9:23 am

As far as the topic goes, I don’t like men that are overly emotional, short-tempered, or extremely judgemental. I met a guy once and he was just too over the top. We met on a Friday. He asked me what I had going on that weekend, which I told him I had plans. The very next day he starts sending me all these crazy text messages basically saying since I met him, that I should’ve cancelled all my plans especially if I claimed to want a life with someone I loved etc. Even later on that night or should i say morning (3am) he starts blowing up my phone with messages calling me a liar and that i said I wanted to build a future with someone and I wasn’t acting like it..said I was playing games. WTF whoa dude! Scary… We never even made it out to hang out together and he was already acting like we had slept together. Glad he never saw the CT lol

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:28 am

Slim I met this west indies dude once and I must say I agree with what has been said about them he was very much controlling from the start and felt I should fall in line to his plan of action set up shop move him in and support him and his truck driving business all in a 2 week meet n greet period….even went off a few times bc Iam fiesty and I shouted back have you lost your damn mind….I am not desperate for a man, not looking for a baby daddy, and you are not bout to move in here and beat my when I get out of line…..hmmmmmm no thank you…..too damn possessive and that ain’t cute…..from an abusive childhood he would have been dead in his sleep and me locked up for life! Homie don’t play that! HA!

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:29 am

List of behaviors that scare me away

1. Coming on too strong. Dude, I don’t want to be your wife, freak or BM especially when I don’t know your last name. Keep your nasty comments and lip licking to yourself.

2. Spending habits. Ok, this is a tricky one, but I met this guy that was an owner/operator of his business. Every night he was call me and say I made 10K today or I made 8K today. So finally I asked him why he did that and he did not have an answer. The funniest thing about his situation to me was he needed a rental car and did not have means to get one. :shock: I was like go to carmax and buy a cheap car off your daily salary.

3. Nasty car…filthy house. It is one thing to be junky, but I cannot stand filth.

4. Controlling behavior. I ain’t Anna Mae, and you damn sho ain’t gone Ike me, so when I see that controlling behavior it is time to GET!

5. Condescending behavior. I think you are trying to tear down my self esteem or something so you can become abusive.

6. Know it all. If you know that damn much go write a dictionary or do something more productive than talk to me.

7. Lying. That is a red flag of the red flags it makes me think you are trying to paint a perfect picture while coloring outside the lines. I cannot stand a liar.

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:31 am

Professor 4 & 5 a sistah will get GHOST!!!!!!! That ish ain’t cute!

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
9:32 am

Professor

^5

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:32 am

Hey Lady J,

I can spot those recovering addicts a mile away especially if they are not firmly grounded in their recovery and don’t say anything about it. Now, if they tell me I have been clean and sober for three years and they attend their meetings and maybe sponsor someone that is a different story, but the ones that hide it…poof be gone!

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:34 am

you are right Professor bc I am a supportive person but it wasn’t like that and although I feel he was clean I just didn’t want to take the ride…..just like some men prefer not to date women with kids that is how I felt about that situation……

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:38 am

one thing I have come to appreciate about dating that wasn’t so clear in my late 20s is it feels GREAT to have options and not be an option!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Everyone has a story and a closet and no one story is better or worse but when you are not interested don’t waste time….keep it lite and keep it moving!!!!

yellow is the color of sun ray!!!!!!! :)

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:38 am

Lady J,

I have met guys that were 4 and 5 put together :shock:

Behaviors I like in a Man that makes me want to stay around

1. Positive attitude- something about someone being positive when everything else is going bad is a good sign to me.

2. Encouraging- I love it when a man say I know you can do that, or even help me master my plan or ideas.

3. Gentle- something about men with daughters or sisters have this gentleness about them…its like they get it with their warm and caring behavior.

4. Respectful- a man that knows how to disagree and argue without talking about my momma or my weave. He knows how to stay on the issue, and not make it personal.

5. Gentleman- I love it when he opens doors or walk on the outside when we are taking a walk…stuff like that melts my little achy breaky heart.

6. Thinker/Reader- what can I say I have a thing for intelligent men.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
9:38 am

I know i scared a few chicks off right after my divorce cause I was a wreck.. Not in the Im gonna choke you kinda way but just real stand off-ish. I was looking for the faults instead of the beauty. Looking for the lies instead of the truth.

Speaking off dates.. Ms Flip Flops came out last night on our coffee date with some more flops on.. I met her in the parking lot and didnt say anything but I was let down.. She got out the car and gave me a hug and laughed.. She said “Youre sweet I know you dont like flops but I wore them just to see what you would say”. She then proceeded to sit back down in the car and bust out the heels with her jeans and I was gone.. She still looked amazing with her flops on and we had a great time shutting borders down, talking.. We ended up at Intermezzos and it was a good night. i didnt even go for a smooch but when I walked her to her car she pecked me on the cheek and gave me a goooood hug.. I like her.. Feels like ive known her forever.. We talked on the phone until my battery went dead last night and again this morning.. So date two is this evening.. Any ideas where I should take her?

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
9:39 am

I ain’t Anna Mae, and you damn sho ain’t gone Ike me,

:lol:

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:40 am

hmmmmm yall I may have to do this Cedric the Entertainer Comedy show……hmmmmm

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:41 am

one thing I have come to appreciate about dating that wasn’t so clear in my late 20s is it feels GREAT to have options and not be an option!!!!!!!!!!

Amen sista In my 20s I would go out because I was asked, now I DECLINE in a nice respectful manner. Sometimes I wish I knew then what I know now…hell that is useless thinking because I would not know it now if I didn’t go through it then.

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
9:41 am

Professor you are on it today!

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:41 am

awwww dk!!!!!! too cute!

julian

April 16th, 2010
9:42 am

i’d never date a recovering addict. There is something fundamentally wrong that caused them to take that first hit/drink/whatever, and i’m not dealing with that.

if you gotta talk about how much money you have, something is wrong, i’m out.

if you talk crazy about your ex that’s disrepectful, plus if that person was so crazy, why were you with them, i’m out.

if you don’t fight fair, step. by that i mean, if you use something i’ve revealed about myself against me in an argument, you have no character, i’m out.

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
9:43 am

Awww DK, that’s sweet…I LOVE Intermezzo’s by the way. That cherry pie with the crystallized sugar on top is to die for. Hmmmmm As far as plans for tonight, you may want to stay outside the perimeter to avoid any traffic woes…there’s just too much going on within the city unless you all are going the Marta route. Think of something interactive…bowling skills or something….miniature golf…a cooking class…tango lesson…i’ll keep my thinking cap on though

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:44 am

professor your 9:38 is the reason I can’t STOP smiling today!!!!!! Boy that dude that brings all that gives me a natrual high like no other!!!!! May be the best I EVER had!!!!! Girl don’t make me start my happy dance so early!!!!!!! LOL

A down to earth with common sense with intelligence out the waters with gace and manners whew chile!!!!!! Good men are out that when you change self you attract better!!!!!!

Shouting!!!!! LOL

PrincessNik.....AKA Candy Girl

April 16th, 2010
9:45 am

She said “Youre sweet I know you dont like flops but I wore them just to see what you would say”. She then proceeded to sit back down in the car and bust out the heels with her jeans and I was gone

DK that is cute LOL

M. (pronouced M dot)

April 16th, 2010
9:47 am

Good day.

I think the things that I do that scare women off is that I am just too:

1. Blunt and dont always agree with them.
2. Lackadaisical when I deal with them.
3. That I am not interested and dont really care. Maybe I was just bored? I need to be better but it seems like every female was talking the same thing. Am I the only guy that experienced that?

I think guys need to watch out to because there are instances when women are dangerous. This is a 2 way street. I dated a girl who was on Lexipro. If you dont know what its for, google it. She was crazy and I really didnt feel safe being around her or even riding in the car with her.

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:47 am

Lady J,

Let me know if you decide to go. When is it, because I say Cedric back in the 90s, in fact I won the tickets off the radio and he had me feeling like I had done an ab workout I laughed so hard.

Lady Eze-Z

April 16th, 2010
9:50 am

Aww, yeah. You know what Im talkin bout, got that man, speaking the gheto, cant even string no sentence together, he be all like “I’m posting on the blog here,got my stuff al set up rel strait an everythang”, know what Im sayin. Make me be gone like that, yo!

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:50 am

Professor I will confirm next week!!!! It is looking like that is going to be my treat to myself….I will be on my 2 week off period from classes!!!!! My last week is approaching!!!! whew a minor accomplishment almost made! Get it J!!!!!1 LOL

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:51 am

@ Princess thanks lady!

@ DK now that is cool…I was smiling the entire time I read your post.

@Lady J, whew chile on your 9:44 I could smell his colonge. :grin:

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:52 am

it is a blog (INFORMAL @ BEST) geesh skeptics amuse me!

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:52 am

Professor it feels good!

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:53 am

@Lady Eze-Z, YES that is scary especially to me because I cannot decipher all that mess, or I will start talking like them :grin: which is worst :shock:

Professor

April 16th, 2010
9:56 am

Lady J,

I am so PROUD of you. You are finishing up classes, and you make some good points on the blog that are realistic and practical. Girl you are doing the damn thang!

@M. dot–Was that you on the blog that joned that lady out that time? I am bad with names, but I just remember you, Dan or someone shutting it down with the jokes.

Kym

April 16th, 2010
9:57 am

Good Morning All,

I agree with Professor’s list.

@DK I am glad you meet a nice girl..nothing wrong IMO..with taking Marta to the Dogwood festival..I thought I saw they were doing screen on the green..but that might be tomorrow night..hmmm I am thinking of something else different…

Leggs

April 16th, 2010
9:57 am

Good morning!

@SlimCoo-Coo ~ I thought the “milkshake” brings all the boys to the yard!

@Professor ~ great posts and on point on every level.

@InfamousD ~ that is too endearing. Glad you both are hitting it off and your excited about the second date. That’s sweet!

What do I do that may scare guys off:

1. Call them on their BS right off the back
2. Ask questions and then call them on their BS answers (lol)
3. Too much time at track meets
4. They don’t seem to understand why I won’t invite them over within a week of talking with them.
5. Like to spend the little time I do have sometimes by myself
5. Back to #1

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
9:58 am

Thanks Professor!!!!!!!!! Just finding me and having a party with me!!!! Who knew it would feel good!!!!! Dealing with self is not all that bad as I once thought!

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
9:58 am

Ya’ll she had a mean walk in them heels too.. Claude Ham Mercy.. I kept trying to be cool but we just kept laughing and had the best time. I was totally me last night because the guard was down, disarmed by her smile and beautiful chocolatte skin… I wanted to bite her but… I chilled.. It was funny cause her girl called her twice while we were out and was like ya’ll still on a date? Girl you didnt tell me you gotta a boyfriend, she blushed and quickly got off the phone.. Although I would not the stuffing outta her egg mcmuffin, Im not immediately after that.. I actually like talking to her.. Is that possible after 1 date? I done bumped my d@mn head somewhere.

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
10:00 am

leggs your #1 is on it when you call that crap and keep it moving it is a priceless moment of self security!!!!!!

abc

April 16th, 2010
10:00 am

I’ve never ’scared a woman off’. I see that in my kids, too. Young as they are, every time we’re out golfing or whatever, the little chickies hit on them constantly! And on me! It’s funny after awhile. I advise them to be VERY choosy about responding to chicks that are like that.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:01 am

Kym – thats what I was thinking.. A blanky, some fruit, wine and off.. Oh and my Zyrtek.. She mentioned she like Reisling last night so I made a mental note.. We didnt even get drinks last night just tea.

Melo

April 16th, 2010
10:01 am

In my experiences, some women don’t always know how they come across to men!!

Yeah,i flipped it coz it was sounding like Scare Men Off This Freaky Friday already!! :lol:

A woman that curses at every turn,like a sailor is a No No and i wld think shes is more suitable for men that spend their day doing hard labor type jobs…u know,the auto workshop,truck driver,warehouse loading dock types etc.

biatch this,and biatch that and phluck here and my phlcucking Damn goodness there!..No, i aint having that in a woman,Really!

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
10:01 am

lmao I didn’t see back to #1 Leggs too daggit funny!!!!!

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:02 am

DK- mayne don’t sweat it…you are just enjoying the chemistry that you two have at the moment. Just roll with the tide and see what happens. It’s sort of hard to truly enjoy someone when you have barbed wire, a 46 mile trench and a 8 mile long lake guarding yourself. This is the show starring Infamous DK…I’m happy for you. I’m sure if that doesn’t work out, there will still be some CoCo puffs left for you to come back to. :mrgreen:

M. (pronouced M dot)

April 16th, 2010
10:03 am

@Professor

Nope. Wasnt me.

Professor

April 16th, 2010
10:05 am

Leggs,

You know how to call them on that BS! I had a flashback on how you tore dude’s number up in his face. BAM

Lady J-PYT-I wanna dance!!!!! TGIF

April 16th, 2010
10:05 am

hmmmmmm pondering away……lol

lurker

April 16th, 2010
10:07 am

DK – It’s refreshing to see a dude bit so early on and ain’t scared to say so.

SlimCoco-puffs bring all the boyz 2 da yard

April 16th, 2010
10:08 am

Leggs, what do you normally tell dudes that approach you, that you arent interested in if they ask for you number?

Willie Dynamite

April 16th, 2010
10:09 am

Bookem Dano uhh meant DK – Thats real cool, Chick seems down to earth. Stick to the plan and stay away from Date type scenarios. Find a nice park and just chill or take a walk. Anything that gets you 1 on 1 in a disarming manner whilst you continue digging in that mental.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR BUCK

April 16th, 2010
10:12 am

Slim – its still Infamous now.. Im playing it day by day cause next week she might do something that might make me dip or i could do something to make her dip.. Its just the intial getting to know each other phase. Now eventually we are gonna have to exchange O faces and see if we are really good for each other.. Oh yes she is gonna get a 9:15 and with her petite frame shes gonna get baby boy-ed. Bounced all around the room, excuse me, the house..