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First date misadventures

A married friend of mine recently told me that I was lucky to be single and free to date around.  It made me chuckle a little because just days before, I had experienced a pretty awful dating misadventure.  It was just one of those dates where all signs pointed to “Stop. Do not past go. Go straight to hell no.”

The guy was attractive enough in the beginning, but the more he talked the less I wanted him to.  When he made a rude comment about single women worrying about the wrong ring, it was pretty much a wrap.  Apparently ladies, instead of chasing a wedding ring, we need to focus on the “ring of dirt” in our bathrooms.  

First date flops are pretty common when you are dating around.  When we discussed whether “first impressions are reliable” some of us believed that you can’t always go by snap judgments. What about when you talk, find out about one another, then go on a really awful bad date? Now what?  Do you risk a colossal waste of time on a second date?

Have you ever been on a really bad first date?  If your first impression during a first date is absolute incompatibility, would you think about delaying dismissal?

Are there ways we can improve our first date success rates?

436 comments Add your comment

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
8:29 am

Good Morning & Happy Thursday!!!!

Here lately the 1st dates have been super….let me ponder on the ones that were not so well…….

A productive day awaits!!!!

Morrus

April 15th, 2010
8:35 am

Vote out the incumbents and start over

SlimCoo-Coo

April 15th, 2010
8:41 am

Good morning all!
As I can recall now, don’t believe I’ve ever had a terribly bad first date.

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2010
8:42 am

Women over 30 and single can’t be picky. If you are over 30 and never married then it is because there is something wrong with you. Yes, it’s great to delude yourself into believing that you are just waiting for Mr. Right, or however you ladies get to sleep at night, but the fact is no one of any worth wants you. By 30 all the good men are married, and those who aren’t, they want younger women. Beggars can’t be choosers, once you hit 30 it is time to realize you aren’t going to meet Prince Charming and you need to learn to settle. If you aren’t willing to settle then start collecting cats.

Pamela

April 15th, 2010
8:43 am

Ladies…Make it easy on yourself….NEVER….and I mean NEVER….COMMIT to a lunch or dinner date…on the FIRST date..!!!!….I do always leave that option open though…..but preface drinks and a little conversation first….with a little humor of course…..It goes something like this…”I’d be interested in meeting you..(blah-blah-blah)..let’s meet for a drink…(blah-blah-blah)….if we’d like to grab something to eat after that we can decide then…”They always say OK……It puts NO PRESSURE…on both people….AND WORKS!!!….Who wants to have to sit through a lunch or dinner date when there’s NO attraction and NO chemistry….???…and in some cases….no teeth…

kinderbabe--29 days and counting! woohoo!

April 15th, 2010
8:45 am

well…it’s been a while since i’ve been on a first date (over 2 years) but i remember this one terrible date well…

first of all, i met this guy at the gym (big mistake). had seen him over the course of several months, engaged in small talk, shared a few laughs and work out tips. one day, he asked me if i’d like to exchange numbers so that we could talk more. o.k…cool. we shared several convos and he seemed normal enough. i agreed to meet him for a date. we met at our restaurant of choice and decided that there was another place we’d rather go to that was near by. since we met there, i volunteered to drive to the 2nd location (it was only 5 minutes away). once we were seated at the new place, things quickly took a turn downhill. this fool started drinking, when i say drinking, i mean throwing them back. he had about 5 drinks in about 10 minutes. as he drank, he became disrespectful and rowdy. he even referred to me as the “n word” in conversation. while all this was going on, i attempted to keep my composure b/c ppl were starting to look at this idiot talking loud and acting like a donkey. after what seemed like forever, only about 20 minutes, i got up and left him there. that was the last time i saw him…thank god!!! some ppl really shouldn’t drink…lol.

SlimCoo-Coo

April 15th, 2010
8:53 am

kinder – guess it’s safe to say, try not to overindulge on a first date ;-)

Elijah ( Today is a good day!)

April 15th, 2010
9:04 am

Good Morning all!

Kinderbabe that is a terrible first date! Excessive drinking on the first date is definitely not good!

I can’t recall any bad first dates, probably because I know what will work for me and what will not work for me. Plus on a first date I just there to enjoy and have fun! :smile:

Phatty Catty now that is what I’m talking about! :wink:

SlimCoo-Coo

April 15th, 2010
9:06 am

I can recall when I flew down to Miami to meet up with a dude I have been talking to for a while but had never seen in person. (Yeah my one time attempt at online dating) Homeboy picked me up from the airport smelling like he drowned himself in Old Spice and he kept brushing hair like Tory in that movie Poetic Justice…after that I was on a mission to get back home early….which I did.

DreamsMaterialize

April 15th, 2010
9:14 am

Morning
There are always exceptions to the rule, but generally my belief is that first dates are similar to when a school or company is trying to recruit you. They’re trying to put their best foot forward to convince you to choose to be on their team. This is the BEST they will ever treat you. So, if their “best” starts out bad, then it’ll probably only get progressively worse after that. I agree with Pamela on avoiding dinner first dates though. Besides, dinner is the lazy dater’s ace in the hole.

kinderbabe--29 days and counting! woohoo!

April 15th, 2010
9:14 am

@slim…you got that right! lol
@elijah…it was an awful first date! makes me glad that i don’t have to deal w/that anymore.:)

Pirate Joe

April 15th, 2010
9:16 am

Stanley, as a fellow man, you are absolutely a complete wack job. I am 33 and have spent the last 10 years growing my career. Now that I am successful, I am weary of the mid-20s girls that only want to have fun and go for money. I would much rather have a 30 year old attractive woman that can have educated conversations about things other than facebook is more appealing. Sure 22 year olds may be fun for a night, but for classy events…I would never take an unpolished immature little girl.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
9:17 am

Ok call me a sucka but Chrisette looks better bald.. It highlights her gorgeous eyes…

http://allhiphop.com/stories/rumors/archive/2010/04/14/22169433.aspx

TMoney

April 15th, 2010
9:24 am

I’ve had quite a few bad first dates, but I remember one in particular that topped them all. I had been given a girls number by a mutual friend, and we talked on the phone a few times before deciding to go out. I let her pick where we’d meet so she would feel more comfortable. I met her outside the restaurant and went inside. Oh, did I call it a restaurant, it was a bar. One where she knew the entire bar staff. She walked in, and by the time she made it to the bar, the bar tender had already pored her a pitcher. Strike One.

I figured, you know what, I’ll give her a chance, so we sat down and started to talk. Or at least I tried to talk to her. She was more distracted by everyone else at the bar, almost never talking to me as she drank more and more. Strike Two.

After about half an hour, this guy walks in and she runs up and gives him a hug. He’s old enough to be her father, but at this point I thought I was ready for anything. I was wrong, the guy was a driver for a cab service. He and another guy would show up at bars in one car, then one would drive a drunk persons car home while the other followed. I found this out because my (now very drunk) date used them very often, so often that the bar called them for her after less than 15 minutes inside. Strike Three. I was out on that note.

I like to think that my first date with my current girlfriend makes up for all my bad previous first dates (Meeting at a restaurant at 8, closing the restaurant down at 10:30, and then talking in the parking lot for another hour before heading home, second date already planned).

TexasBoy

April 15th, 2010
9:28 am

I agree with Steve Q. Stanley comment for the most part. But not all 30 year old unmarried women are flawed, they may have not found love yet.
Pirate Joe sounds like a whack job! There are some very intelligent 20 something year olds too. They are not all on face book or whatever.

Mr_NYC

April 15th, 2010
9:29 am

Haven[t had any bad dates; OK maybe one. But that was my fault for agreeing to meet sight unseen and before enough convo. I’ve been on the listening end of enough bad date disasters to write my own blog. Online meeting (not dating) is cool, but that’s another topic.
Be yourself, relax, she’s probably nervous too. Keep the conversation on a positive note. Don’t talk about former wives, girlfriends, jump-offs, etc. unless asked and then only if asked a second time. Be up front about your relationship interests. If you want to keep it light and casual say so. If you are not sure say so. If you are looking for a casual to turn into a long-term say so. Don’t leave the lady holding the bill because you don’t like her answers or she wont get with your program tonight — that aint cool.
As far as first impressions go, unless its a total disaster, I may give it a second chance. Depends on whether there is any hint of potential chemistry and common interests.
This works for me and is just my $.02. No guarantees or promises.

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
9:33 am

I went out with this guy to the cigar bar in the highlands and when we first met we hit it off then on the date he was telling me more about him and how he grew up in Boston and what kind of life he lives…..loves to gamble, officiate high school basketball games, and play basketball with the theme of gambling…..so he had a I gotta watch my back type demeanor….It was winter and he had on a heavy big jacket and granted this past winter was cold but he kept hugging and tugging at his coat….low and behold this fool was sitting acroos from me with a gun for protection he say but I was like who in the hell is after you……it shock me a bit and to this day when he call or texts I don’t answer…..I am not your ride or die chick and I don’t do jail….what if he would have flipped out and held the cigar bar up….I could have been a damn accomplice without even knowing…..lol gots to be more careful!

j-mike

April 15th, 2010
9:37 am

they shouldn’t be ruled afte one date- there is a lot of nervousness on both sides going on. myself, i’m usually nervous and talk a lot and sometimes may even come off the wrong way. i’m an attractive guy, but after that 1st date and they get to know me better..it makes it easier. plus i’m 31!!!!

Amia in ATL

April 15th, 2010
9:41 am

Good Morning….was reading all of the comments as I sipped my morning coffee.

Anyway, I am so fortunate to have had great dates in my life. I love dates but prefer relationships. Anyway, I am 30 and I don’t feel that I need to settle because of that Mr. Stanley. What’s wrong with you? You actually sound a bit bitter about it. Is it personal perhaps. For most women who have settled, they are also divorced. I have friends you have been married twice already–and on the road to ending hubbie #2. So if settling means going through what they go through, no thank you.

I will wait for who ever is right for me and I am right for them. In the meantime “waiting for Mr. Right, while having a great time with all the wrong ones” LOL!!!!!!!!!

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2010
9:41 am

Thanks for proving my point for me Pirate Joe.

j-mike

April 15th, 2010
9:44 am

i agree Amia- i’ve had a lot of great date, only a few minor “mishaps”. I’m 31 and just got out of an engagement…it sucked, i’m glad i found out early before walking down the aisle and going through a divorce. she just wasn’t the right one..and i’m trying to get back out there and start dating again.

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2010
9:46 am

Amia, not bitter at all. I am in a great relationship, thanks for your concern though.

I don’t like to see people alone. I wish everyone could experience the same happiness and joy I do form my relationship. A lot of men, and more so women, over 30 have standards that are too high. The longer you wait, the less equality people on the market. This is especially true for women. Fair or foul, the older you get without being married, the less attractive you are to men.

A lot of you are goign to die alone if you continue through life this way, I only wish to open your eyes. The longer you wit, the less your odds of finding someone are, and the longer you wait, the less you are goign to get for your time. Time to settle or risk becoming a cat lady.

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 15th, 2010
9:47 am

@ Infamous, whats with the recent rash of “bald” women?

On topic: i havent really had any bad first dates. some less than ideal but no deal breakers.

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
9:47 am

j-mike I admire all those you think twice!!!! Good Post!

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
9:48 am

meant who think twice….sorry

kinderbabe--29 days and counting! woohoo!

April 15th, 2010
9:51 am

@DK…chrisette’s hair does look great!:) i’m probably biased though b/c my hair is about the same length if not shorter…doe-eyed girls can rock a fierce short cut.;)

j-mike

April 15th, 2010
9:52 am

i agree with most of what stanley is saying however, i’m a little picky because i want certain things from women and not just “settle” because i’m over 30. that’s like falling in love for the sake of falling in love or getting married because all your friends are married. your options do get limited but i think it’s worth it.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
9:54 am

TMoney – Girlfriend after a first date.. In my New Orleans Voice Woady you dont know them peoples..

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2010
9:56 am

j-mike, get what you are saying, but you have to be prepared that it will never happen if that is your approach., It becomes less and less likely the longer you wait. It’s a risk, clearly you are willing to take, kudos on admitting it though, a lot of people delude themselves into thinking otherwise.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
9:56 am

KB – Can I rub on your head.. For good luck of course. You know I loves a woman that can rock a short cut and carry the haircut and not let the haircut carry her..

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
9:58 am

it is nothing like great chemmistry in the start and altenative 1st dates…..now vs my late 20s things seem brighter and not dull or routine…..out the box has been the theme….i guess remaining creative is important as you continue to get to know the other person….

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
10:00 am

chemistry….kemistry…..chemistry! a great vibe and connect! lol

Melo

April 15th, 2010
10:02 am

the bar tender had already pored her a pitcher

@TMONEY!!

Thats a date with a Geraman tanker!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Melo

April 15th, 2010
10:03 am

German Tanker

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
10:04 am

Nik – I likes a bald head.. I likes some long hair.. I likes some locs.. I likes it all as long as its rcked right.. I dont hair discriminate… I guess its the confidence that I like. The chick that owns whatever shes rocking.. Cause thats how I feel.. I am confident enough to put on whatever and make it fly cause Im cool like dat..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
10:04 am

Nik – except skinny jeans.. My bizalls are too big for skinny jeans..

Leggs

April 15th, 2010
10:05 am

@TMoney~ your post reminded me of the sitcom Cheers. ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪Sometimes you want to go where people know your name, and they’re all glad that you came….♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Cha Ching!

Anywho ~ hey kinderbabe, getting drunk in less than 10 mins is valid reason to RUN!

j-mike

April 15th, 2010
10:05 am

true that stanley, thats why, as you said earlier, being 31…i look for those ladies 26 & up…you do get more options that way.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2010
10:06 am

According to Stanley – I should just go kill myself – TWICE!

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 15th, 2010
10:06 am

Infamous my brother is the same way he always says the hair doesn’t matter as long as its “done”.

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 15th, 2010
10:07 am

Infamous, there is nothing sexy (to me at least) about a dude in skinny jeans.

nor, a dude with his pants falling off.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2010
10:08 am

As to bad *first* dates, I wouldn’t say they were *first* dates. If it was bad, it was the *only* date.

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
10:10 am

pk agree! or needs a hair cut or shave…..well groomed but best dress isn’t important……I am not a fashion queen but be clean

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 15th, 2010
10:11 am

Nik – Right.. As long as its done.. Gotta keep the wig spilt..

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 15th, 2010
10:12 am

Lady J you already know i have a thing for a clean cut guy ;) and clean cut doesn’t mean suits etc all the time, it means pride in his appearance, what I can’t do is get with the whole “white tee” thang, not for a date nooooooooooo.

Leggs

April 15th, 2010
10:13 am

@SexyC ~ :lol: :lol: :lol: I also thought of a person who once told me that I’ve lived most of my life already and should be thankful to date whoever should ask me out. What a crock of shyt and I told this person exactly that!

SexyCool

April 15th, 2010
10:13 am

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 15th, 2010
10:14 am

Infamous,

Gotta keep the wig spilt

fa sho, that’s one thing my dad instilled in all his girls, “no man likes a nappy headed woman, keep your hair done” And he sent us to the hair salon every two weeks faithfully until we were old enough to pay ourselves.

Lady J-Lioness

April 15th, 2010
10:14 am

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship….Louisa May Alcott

First dates just prepare you for what is in store on the other side!!!!

KB now aren’t you glad that foolishness is over! LOL

I am enjoying better! LOL

SlimCoo-Coo

April 15th, 2010
10:15 am

DK – You owe me some stain remover for my White shirt…ballz too big for skinny jeans. Hilarious!!