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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Marriage is totally worth it!

My Mother came into town Sunday to attend a nursing conference in the city.  I was basically her driver/hotel concierge/hostess for the last two days and I am exhausted! I enjoyed having her around but my poor Father was clearly miserable without his wife.

Dad constantly called to hear her voice, remind her to take her medication, and any other random excuse he thought up to dial her number.  It’s endearing and sweet to see their romance continue all these years!  When I saw them light up when they reunited  (after 48 whole hours!), I got all choked up and misty. It was like a sappy The Notebook moment right there in the parking lot.

I thought, “You know? I kind of want that!”  No,  seriously! I’ve been ambivalent about marriage and commitment in the past, but watching my parents yesterday made me think that marriage is totally worth it.  I would love to have a man still stand the sight of me, let alone love me, after over 40 years of marriage!

Do you think marriage and commitment is worth all the challenges that are sure to come?

How do you think your parent’s relationship shaped your perception about love, commitment, and relationships?

What was your first memory of love and affection in your home?

367 comments Add your comment

BlackMagicWoman

April 14th, 2010
11:12 am

RANDY….I love having my bed to myself. It’s King size…nobody is snoring in my ear keeping me awake…or hogging the covers! I think I love being on Planet BMW :lol:

PROFESSOR….”Are you ok with committed relationships that just form and you go with the flow?”
Maybe….it make be a control issue. I am not sure. This phobia just gets worst as I get older. Am I going in reverse? :lol:

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:12 am

sometimes the biggest risk you can take is not taking a risk…..a thought

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:13 am

Lady J, I did 1 1/2 years on a 5 year sentence, convicted felon. I got out and made something of myself, finished college(while on felony probation), interned. Hired into a great job with a great salary and can roll with the best of them. I know people can change.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:16 am

it is good to be a better pperson and to know better and do better!!!! I will shout it daily I am glad I have a second chance @ life and really believe I will remarry a person that loves me unconditionally!!!!!

Way to go Carlito!!!!!! Without our past we couldn’t be who we are today!!!! I will NEVER forget where I came from as I elevate daily!

Melo

April 14th, 2010
11:17 am

Melo, I think the US culture is the real culprit

@Kimmie??

u are right and i think money has “tainted” US culture.

Talking of family being close, I remember one time when my other young brother was still in the US,one of our other younger brothers suggested that he wld want to move to California coz he liked the seemingly free wheeling over there. My brother(the sick one who is home now) raised hell,talking about how my young bro was going to forsake all of us(fam) by going to cali.Ofcourse he was thinking in his african mentality and shackled as it were by the culture,closeness and family camaraderie he grew up knowing and experiencing!
When it comes to marriage, a lot of pple(usa) will not even care to tell their parents that they are married or they will(may),after the fact. Not in my culture!!

I cldnt fathom dating a chic,planning to marry her etc without my folks geting a feel of what kind of person she is,how she relates to my pple and whether they are comfortable with her.

It wldnt happen,as old and educated as I think am! African to the core!! :lol: :lol:

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
11:20 am

@ BMW

ahhhh, you don’t miss having some guy’s butt cheeks up against yours in the morning? ;-)

As much as I DON”T miss my ex-wife, I have to admit having that fanny to kind of “get up against” is lost in my King Size Simmons also. Don’t miss the crap, just the warmth. Unfortunately they come as a package deal, don’t they?

TiffTaff

April 14th, 2010
11:20 am

Carlito- That is on point, you can’t continually watch negative images of relationships and expect to have a positive one for yourself. Like wise you have to see people in relationships resolve conflict in a healthy manner and know that it is natural to not always see eye to eye.

I think people that haven’t seen a lot of healthy relationships (myself included) tend to shy away from jumping the broom too quickly or without a lot of deep thought and soul searching.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:20 am

I did not rape or hurt a woman. You all are safe :)

lurker

April 14th, 2010
11:22 am

Lady J, yep you’re right

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:23 am

TiffTaff, you said it better than I ever could. :)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 14th, 2010
11:28 am

I got out and made something of myself, finished college(while on felony probation), interned.

^5 lito….

Downtown Heffa

April 14th, 2010
11:29 am

WD,
Wow! I’m surprised about the fact that you’re on the fence about marriage when your parents are in fact still together and loving each other after 40 years of marriage. What cause that? You have contradicted my evaluation of a woman being unsure about marriage tied to having been raised in a single parent household (mostly single mothers) or being raised in a two-parent household where the father is controlling and very dominant. I guess back to the drawing board, huh?

kinderbabe--30 days and counting! woohoo!

April 14th, 2010
11:36 am

@carlito…so proud of you!:) that’s awesome that you didn’t let one mistake slow you down.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:37 am

Sassy, I would laugh when I would date and tell that person my past. I do not hide it. Then they look down on me, because of it lol. I have no car note on either car, a low mortgage no kids and no divorces. But yet she is looking at me crazy and ignoring the calls from her “room mate” while she is on a date. She can’t stay out to late because the babysitter has to go out herself tonight. LOL Excuse me, I had an excuse somewhat to not be on par, what is your story? LOL

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
11:38 am

Carlito – You have to WANT to do better in life & I’m glad you got it together! And you & TiffTaff are right about the negetive images. They can jade you.

You have to be careful of the people you hang out with too. Those that don’t share your same values can have a negative impact on you. I remember an ex of mine. Even though his parents were married till death & from all his accounts seemed happy, he ran around with some real players. Some were married but constantly complained about their wives & were unfaithful. His single friends dogged women out. He would tell me about their escapades. It jaded him because he became a committment phobe.

Contrast that to my SO. He is widowed, but most of his friends are married and family men. Those that are single are commited to their girlfriends. I’m sure all is not perfect, but any doggy behavior is kept private. As a result, SO has a positive outlook on women & relationships.

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
11:39 am

If you always watch Divorce Court, Cheaters, Jerry Springer etc and wonder why your relationship are the same. Change the channel. Carlito i really enjoy watching Snapped. should SO be concerned??

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
11:40 am

Carlito and TiffTaff yall are both head on with your assessments!!! I had more to say but it didn’t come through but great points!

Being postive and a better person is the key!

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
11:41 am

cz – I love Snapped too!LOL!!

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
11:43 am

me to kimmie snapped and 48hrs hard evidence and 48hrs mystery….just love crime shows….have a crime degree but never worked with criminals per se…..lol…

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:44 am

kinderbabe, that was that mistake I got caught with, there were many more. But it was an eye opener and I was blessed to just do 1.5. My friend was facing some much bigger things he plead and took some of the charges I was guilty of once his case came up, I ended up going back to court and getting a reduction. We were together when caught but yet and still I was very guilty. That is my friend for life, another reason I am glad I am in the south now. I can visit him in easier. He has about 13 years to go.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:45 am

I have never seen Snapped, what is that about?

Melo

April 14th, 2010
11:45 am

He has about 13 years to go

WOW!!

@Carlito!!

happy for u bro

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:47 am

Melo, just living bro, just living. Life could be a lot worse, for sure. :)

kinderbabe--30 days and counting! woohoo!

April 14th, 2010
11:47 am

@carlito…wow! what a blessing. you used that opportunity of the sentence reduction to your advantage. i know what you mean about mistakes, i have many as well…lol. but when the consequences involve your freedom, that’s pretty huge in my eyes. changing your environment and circumstances after something like that is commendable. keep doing good things!:)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 14th, 2010
11:47 am

I would laugh when I would date and tell that person my past. I do not hide it. Then they look down on me, because of it

That’s alright stud muffin that just means they weren’t for you nor you for them…plus had you been with one of those others that looked down on you, you and Julia wouldn’t be together right now. It all happens for a reason and you know what they say about hind-sight….

No worries mon…you’re where you’re supposed to be…but you know that ;)

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
11:50 am

kimmie you hit the nail too people have to want to change…it is a personal choice to do better and most are content with the lives they live….

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:52 am

Ok, Ok enough about me. LOL

Sassy, Julia keeps me in check. I do not know how she does it but she does. She has told me that if I do anything remotely close to what I used to do before I knew here that she would help get me out of jail and once out she would leave me. LOL. She said that before our first breakup, I think that rule still stands since we are back together.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:55 am

In my experience, I had my biggest naysayers when I was trying to change. My family stuck with me and pushed me. So did my ex fiance. It was my associates and so called friends that kept reminding me of my wrongs. How does the line in that Kanye West song read? “Those wrongs are the things that helped me write this song” or something like that. LOL. I am glad it happened because I would not be where I am today without it.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru at McDs here in England only has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
11:58 am

@ Carlitto

Great man. When someone makes it work in spite of a deck totally stacked against him, it is great…and a testament to YOU man.

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
11:59 am

or asking you all the time how did you make it…..that got on my nerves…..so glad when sseasons end and begins with folks…..i didn’t think at first i could live without certain people but i do well without them…..

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
12:01 pm

CZ – Funny you should mention Flops.. Ok guess what.. Guess what all you bloggers.. I talked to a chick with flops on the other day.. She was hella sexy though and her flops were kinda dare I say it cute.. They werent the standard el cheapo walmart flops and she had on a pair of shorts that made me look past the flops.. Nothing super fitted and nasty but just right and hitting them curves very nicely… Oh dang Im having a flash back.. I’ll let ya’ll know how it went tomorrow after our coffee and Borders date..

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
12:02 pm

Randyt, thanks :)

Lady J, exactly

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

April 14th, 2010
12:03 pm

Julia keeps me in check. I do not know how she does it but she does.

That’s soo cute…sorry if I sound sappy but that is cute. That’s love right there.

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
12:03 pm

yeah LadyJ. my tv stays on ID channel. i have nothing but law enforcement in my fam, so i’ve grown up on all the crime drama and forenics stuff. seriously, SO has nothing to worry about. i’m much happier walking away than going nutso on some guy.

PrincessNik.....feelin the butterflies

April 14th, 2010
12:04 pm

Hey All,

My parents were married til death seperated them. As far as marriage for me, I am kind of in a if its meant to be state of mind. Sure there are lots of times I want that one person to curl up to at the end of the day. Like i said yesterday the ying to my yang, someone who is strong where i am weaker. I don’t have a problem doin the work to make it work.

I almost got married 7 years ago, i’m so thankful for divine intervention. Neither of us were ready, and it wouldn’t have lasted long at all.

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
12:05 pm

I’ll let ya’ll know how it went tomorrow after our coffee and Borders date..

DK – Cool!

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
12:06 pm

YAY!! DK your growth makes us proud! now make sure she has plenty of variety in her footwear repertoire.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
12:07 pm

Ok leather flip flops is as far as I go.. Nothing in flourescent colors or plastic anywhere on them.. I am not compromising on this one cause I hate to see chicks feet barely staying in those things with their toes touching the ground when the walk..

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
12:08 pm

@czBrat I thought I was the only person in america that keeps my channel on ID or WE!!!! I hate reality tv and prime time ain’t been the same since the 90s between tv1 and those two stations that is all I look @….although tv land is rockin’ Bewitched is the BOMB!!!! If I could twinkle my nose! WOOHOO!!! LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
12:11 pm

CZ – Shes a shoenista we are ready talked about it.. She said I caught her running to the store and I said usually I dont talk to chicks in flops.. She laughed and so did I.. She asked me was I serious and I said yes indeed but it was something a lil different about her.. That music came on when she walked in.. Ive been watching you, the way you move your sexy body.. I had to say something..

Melo

April 14th, 2010
12:11 pm

Nothing in flourescent colors or plastic anywhere on them

@IDK??

flourescent colors or plastic im sure,is for the beach!

U sure u saw enough of her, to like her(the sexxy lady) to remember her face and didnt just focus on the knees going down to the feet?? :lol: :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
12:16 pm

Melo – I dont like her yet.. I like what I saw but thats nothing.. I want to see what she’s working with upstairs.. She could be Halle but dumb as a box of rocks.. Oh and I looked at all of her.. Slick like but I checked her out way before she got to me.. See my vision is on point even if Im not looking directly at a person.. I saw her from the time the doors opened and that little blast of air blew her hair in her face and she cooly wiped it away with that one finger and kept it moving.. I seent her buddy you better believe that..

Melo

April 14th, 2010
12:24 pm

I want to see what she’s working with upstairs

@@IDK??

thats where its at..thats the engine right there!

hope some good wrks out!

@Luvbug??

I like what u said earlier about ur word being good.I am sure if u meet a bro u ready to commit to,letting him slip the ring on it is the easy part.

When its a natural thang,with no preconceived nor alterior financial motives in the back of the mind,nobody(male or female) has to feel runaway-bride/groom-jitters!

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
12:27 pm

DK, you reminded me of a convo i had with SO this weekend while we were out running errands. he said i caught his eye from across the store and at first he was like “mmmm”, then he realized it was me and he smiled cuz i was with him. i thought that was super sweet, but i just had to point out the initial “mmmm” for some chick he spotted across the store!!! we had a good laugh about it though.

LadyJ i too despise the reality stuff. i stick to ID when i’m alone, and together we watch a lot of natgeo, travel, food network and diy/hgtv.

Lady J-Sunshine

April 14th, 2010
12:32 pm

my writer’s block finally released…my final is open book, and the paper will be turned in on time….there is hope for an A out this class!!!! Thankful is the theme…..getting to the end makes me nervous though….becoming a 100% colser is my theme….never quit or give up on your goals…..my daily vent for me!

BlackMagicWoman

April 14th, 2010
12:34 pm

INFAMOUS…my pool flops are plastic and bright! :lol: Now what?

Carlito….kudos for NOT being a repeat offender and getting yourself together. No one is perfect. I have a friend who has a business degree but he also has a felony charge and he can’t seem to get a good job. It’s hard for society to give second chances. I’m glad you got one.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
12:40 pm

BlackMagicWoman, there are systems in place to help him. The knowledge is just not out there. Most companies get incentives for hiring felons, Things such as tax breaks etc, the person is hired and the DOL pays half of his salary for the first year and taxes, the company pays the other half. After he works there in good standing for a year, the company picks up the full pay of salary. Also, there are certain states where a felony from another state does not matter. Hoepfully you will share this information with him. After four years of me not getting in any trouble after my probation ended I was able to get another weapons permit. And my initial charge involved a weapon :) Some people tend to be ashamed when they have to list their criminal history if you have one on a job application. If they want to hire you they will hire you.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
12:42 pm

UPS hires felons constantly and so does the federal government and the state. If you are completely done with your sentence(probation etc) those two entities can not hold it against you, it is the law.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
12:43 pm

NFL Fans, Brandon Marshall has been traded to the Dolphins

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
12:43 pm

And I do not mean “drivers” or warehouse jobs at UPS