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Marriage is totally worth it!

My Mother came into town Sunday to attend a nursing conference in the city.  I was basically her driver/hotel concierge/hostess for the last two days and I am exhausted! I enjoyed having her around but my poor Father was clearly miserable without his wife.

Dad constantly called to hear her voice, remind her to take her medication, and any other random excuse he thought up to dial her number.  It’s endearing and sweet to see their romance continue all these years!  When I saw them light up when they reunited  (after 48 whole hours!), I got all choked up and misty. It was like a sappy The Notebook moment right there in the parking lot.

I thought, “You know? I kind of want that!”  No,  seriously! I’ve been ambivalent about marriage and commitment in the past, but watching my parents yesterday made me think that marriage is totally worth it.  I would love to have a man still stand the sight of me, let alone love me, after over 40 years of marriage!

Do you think marriage and commitment is worth all the challenges that are sure to come?

How do you think your parent’s relationship shaped your perception about love, commitment, and relationships?

What was your first memory of love and affection in your home?

367 comments Add your comment

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:08 am

The problem with making marriages actually work is that it takes BOTH being on the same page…and that is the hard part. Both have to be committed. Both have to be willing to give more than their share. Both have to like and respect each other…even when they are kinda POed at the other. It takes work, and truthfully most people are too dayum selfish to do that…that the other should do all the giving.

Amen!!!! Pass the plate! LOL

Sunknee

April 14th, 2010
10:10 am

@Proff I definely would not do the shacking if I have to live with you its going to be marriage. People think there is something wrong with me for not wanting the marriage or kids, I will do the marriage before I birth out a kid, nothing against kids, just dont want any. Good thing I could care less what people think :)

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:11 am

randy great assessment and my generation is a selfish generation…..they tried to do us a favor with what they thought their parents did them wrong but when the tide changed so did values I think….we are spoiled and selfish and wan it all it 5 seconds or less! sigh!

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:12 am

you go sunknee!!!!! do you honey!!!! :)

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:13 am

lmbao I just got an email from uptown comdedy club addressing me as Mrs……I am going for tea on that one! LMBAO!

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
10:20 am

Good morning blog crew!

That’s so sweet, Wise! I think growing up with that kind of example – parents who were not only committed to one another and the marriage, but truly in love & like with each other, is ideal! You know what a real marriage is all about and it gives you something positive to shoot for.

My parents & grandparents & several sets of aunts & uncles were married till death parted them. They had their ups & downs, but seemed to truly love each other. One uncle got divorced but has been remarried now for over 25 years. Got a few cousins that are divorced. Seems my generation can’t really stay together – I can’t think of but a few of my cousins that are still married. And yeah, I believe quite a few folks stayed married and miserable for the kids back in the day. I actually know of some women who, while they were genuinely sorry their husbands died, seemed a bit relieved too. They seemed to blossom. Sad to say, but true.

My parents despised shacking, so that was planted in my head so I’ll never shack. Until we marry, I’ll keep my separate residence.

Luvbug

April 14th, 2010
10:23 am

Do you think marriage and commitment is worth all the challenges that are sure to come?

It’s absolutely worth it for some/many people. I’m sure one day the divorce rate will reflect that…and I’m not being facetious. I just think some folks are still mad people (mostly women) are freer than before and the adjustment takes a few generations. The operations and reasons for marriage have changed a lot too.

I believe when all that levels out and society comes to terms with some changes, generation 2050 will be rockin it well.

Oh and everybody knows already…for me, commitment = yes…Marriage? No need to put a contract on me…my word is good. I won’t hurt you Babe :lol:

Luvbug

April 14th, 2010
10:24 am

Oh…and nice story WD.

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
10:29 am

I believe when all that levels out and society comes to terms with some changes, generation 2050 will be rockin it well.

Luvbug – Excellent assessment & I agree. Not only marriage, but other dynamics in life have changed, such as roles & expectations of both women & men. All these changes are not bad, just different, and people need to adjust.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:33 am

Sexy Cool, I am with you now. LOL

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:34 am

I have come to the conclusion that some people’s role in life is to piss on anything that is remotely joyful.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:36 am

One interesting thing I see here in N. England that is so different from ATL is the sheer number of old people walking around the harbor holding hands and strolling. They love their dogs, their children, and their “telly”. You really do not see many divorced people over 30 around here. Touching actually (maybe they share the same set of dentures). In ATL, seven years ago the AJC estimated there were more than 350, 000 singles OVER the age of 35. Not true here for sure. Maybe different in London.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:37 am

@ Carlitto re: “I have come to the conclusion that some people’s role in life is to piss on anything that is remotely joyful.” I did not know you knew my ex mother-in-law!!! ;-) NNNNOOOOO KKKKIIIIDDDDIIIINNNNGGG.

Professor

April 14th, 2010
10:38 am

@Lurker…I would be a fool to think that all of those marriages back then were bad, but I do feel our views are distorted because those folks sometimes went through a silent hell.

@Lady J, I agree do not disrespect my momma with your hoochie friends.

@Kym yes they wanted him to look good! I cannot laugh too hard they did something similar in my family…making all the children appear to come from the same lady when two of the were the same age and not twins :shock: :grin: :evil:

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:40 am

meant to say “350,000 singles over 35 in metro Atlanta”

lurker

April 14th, 2010
10:42 am

Lady J – I too shacked…NEVER again. Just lose something IMO.

Melo

April 14th, 2010
10:43 am

I have come to the conclusion that some people’s role in life is to piss on anything that is remotely joyful.

@Carlito??

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:43 am

Randyt, that is funny LMAO

I wonder if the U.S. has the highest divorce rate? If so I wonder why. In my family I can not recall any divorces of those that are married nor do I recall any sour marriages. We all are very close, I know no marriage is immune to challenges. But each challenge does not involve infidelity. I guess it comes down to knowing who you are marrying.

lurker

April 14th, 2010
10:44 am

they tried to do us a favor with what they thought their parents did them wrong but when the tide changed so did values I think….we are spoiled and selfish and wan it all it 5 seconds or less

Yep

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:45 am

lurker you lose your soul at least I did…..not a good feeling….lol….but have it back now!!!!!

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:47 am

Melo, it’s true.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:47 am

@ Carlitto

My ex mother-in-law could find something negative to say about everything. I see my ex-wife fairly frequently and my daughter calls me pretty much every night I am in the states with stories of how my ex has become just like her mother…and she hated the way her mother was. There is some truth to the statement that if you want to see what your blushing bride will be in the future…look at her mother. The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Professor

April 14th, 2010
10:48 am

I actually know of some women who, while they were genuinely sorry their husbands died, seemed a bit relieved too. They seemed to blossom.

Kimmie, I am thinking about this one guy after his wife died, bless his heart…he said that he did not realize how well she cared for him and he didn’t know what to do. This man could not even get his coffee right because she did everything for him, she even picked out his clothes. I thought it was cute, because he did a helluva job taking care his family, and if he would have passed first there would have been things she couldn’t have done either He remarried fairly soon, though.

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
10:51 am

I think folks definitely want instant gratification nowadays, but I don’t think that is ALWAYS bad. Life is too short to spend too much time being miserable & unhappy. I learn that the older I get. I guess I am jaded about that because I feel I wasted a lot of time trying to “make” some relationships work that were not meant to be. Especially when these were just boyfriends and not my husband.

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
10:51 am

DK i like your plan (9:51). if you can learn to live with the occasional flip-flop, i will tame my birds nest and we can live happily ever after in separate homes :lol:

on another note, interesting that my brothers are still in 30+ year marriages, but none of us girls have managed to stay married more than 10 years or so. i blame our staunch independence and ‘i want you but i don’t need you’ attitude.

lurker

April 14th, 2010
10:51 am

Talking to a coworker, broke wind..wonder if she knew. She looked at me funny for a hot sec but I just kept right on talking. Shoot, couldn’t hold it. Oh well.

Luvbug

April 14th, 2010
10:51 am

Kimmie – Thanks

Randy – I wonder how much that Metro Atlanta stat would change if everybody could be legally married.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:52 am

we can only speak on what we know and whie their were good timesin my home the bad ones over shadow them….I am not a negative or bitter person….I realize that their are great marriage out their and not everyone chea andcheat is not always the case for demise but I won’t hold back sharing misadventures and lessons learned from my demise and my family members…..nothing is perfect and reality is real and the truth sometimes isn’t pretty or joyful but I do know through mistakes good things will come with time….I can’t apologize for my past or what others have done and won’t apologize bc it isn’t all joyful…..

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
10:53 am

He remarried fairly soon, though.

Professor – I’ve seen that happen a lot too. Those types of men especially, are just used to being married. They wouldn’t fair well out on these mean, singles’ streets!

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:54 am

Randyt, I have associates like that. I just ignore their calls, emails etc. :)

BlackMagicWoman

April 14th, 2010
10:54 am

Sunknee and Brat… I am with you. I choke up at the thought of a relationship. A marriage will kill me me! :lol: I am much happier single. I once got into a “relationship” with a guy because he caught me at a vunerble time in my life and it was easy for the snake to slither his way in. (I shouldn’t insult snakes that way..they are better than him). Anyway…I was off my rocker, game and normal commom sense. So I let this demon talk me into a “relationship” and it was the most miserable time in my life. I got rid of the f*cktard and I was still in a bad situation but nonetheless…so much happier single. So I think there are people that are the marrying type. I am not! I am the loyal friend to till the end type. But settling with one dude for the rest of my life frightens me. I used to even shake when it came time to sign a year lease on an apartment. I think I fear anything that surpresses my freedom!

Melo

April 14th, 2010
10:55 am

I wonder if the U.S. has the highest divorce rate? If so I wonder why.

@Carlito??!!

Capitalism is ur answer. It is a self centered, “Me” only system and capitalism is practiced best(more pure) in USA than in any other Europen country. In Canada they have capitalism with a dose of socialism..check their health care.Same as in England with their liberal unemployement,health and housing policies,the same still in Germany.If you go to Sweden and denmark,holland,(the nordic cntries) there is even worse corruption of capitalism with attendant high taxes.
The USA is the only place for the most part where the mantra is ,’Each man for hisself( :lol: ) and God for us all”!

That percolates into the social fabric resulting in people being more self centered,caring more about themsleves and their well being than for the other person’s well being ,esp financially and quitting “early” when in a mariage because the mindset is,:

“I CAN DO BETTER BY MYSELF”

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:55 am

@ luvnug re “Randy – I wonder how much that Metro Atlanta stat would change if everybody could be legally married.”

The demographics of midtown would change for sure.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:56 am

Black Magic Woman, how do you really feel. LOL.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:57 am

all errors in love for the skeptics….

Professor

April 14th, 2010
10:57 am

Lady J,

Amen on that 10:52 I refuse to call chicken sh!t chicken salad…the truth is the truth.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
10:58 am

Melo, I think you are correct.

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
11:01 am

@ BMW

My life has certainly been better single…but I still like the thought of having just “one”. After 10 years of being single, I still miss having a warm body next to me every night. At 2:00 AM on a Saturday night looking up at that ceiling fan by myself is a drag. Don’t get me wrong…have had relationships, some long, some short, but even with those, I knew that she or I would be going home sooner or later. Guess I do like marriage.

Actually the only thing I can think of worse than being married, is being single…has to be a better alternative to both ;-)

lurker

April 14th, 2010
11:02 am

lurker you lose your soul at least I did

Lady J – I can’t say “soul” per se but I dunno, something goes amissing or becomes lacking. I too felt revived or rejuvenated or reborn after some many years past that relationship but I felt like something slipped away during that time. Can’t name it but something.

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:02 am

Lady J, I agree with you as well. We all have a past some more tainted than others. As long as we learn something and move forward, life is good. I learned alot from my heartbreak. She did me really wrong but do I think she is the scum of the earth forever? No I do not, I did at one point. I know for a fact people do change. I can look at myself and my past personally for that. Everything in our life happens for a reason, I think there is nobody who is totally innocent and stuff just happened to in relationships. That’s just my opinion.

Professor

April 14th, 2010
11:02 am

BlackMagicWoman,

Are you ok with committed relationships that just form and you go with the flow? Say if you are friends with a guy and you find yourself hanging out with him more and more and a relationship develops.

BlackMagicWoman

April 14th, 2010
11:03 am

“I will do the marriage before I birth out a kid, nothing against kids, just dont want any. Good thing I could care less what people think”

SUNKNEE….girl…were we separated at birth??? :shock: That is how I feel. If I had to choose the lesser of 2 evils it would be marriage because at least I could get out of it. A kid…I am stuck like Chuck. I can’t send it back to Russia on a plane by itself if I changed my mind about being a mom! :lol:

On Topic: My parents are funny though….my mother came to visit me one V-Day and my dad called a million times just to talk to her. Not to mention he called me an said I took his Valentine and hung up on me! :lol: We are a twisted bunch I tell ya! He also said if she passed before him, the coffin had better be big enough for 2 because he is going too! CRAZY..I know! What about me? :lol:

kimmie

April 14th, 2010
11:03 am

Melo, I think the US culture is the real culprit. A lot of cultures in other countries value family and marriage more than we do. Families are closer, sometimes different generations even live in the same house. Marriages are arranged or at least kids of certain families are encouraged to date & marry. Religion plays more of a role too.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:03 am

I am truly happy for WD parents but they are in the miniority with their love and marriage……divorce is occuring more and more with all ages….I knew of a 35yr marriage that ended in divorce….we can’t ignore that fact that something is wrong with our relationships…..I am not the only one that knows this too….I wish there were more happy couples to blog about their adventures and the key to success with holding it together….wonder what their thoughts are….

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:04 am

Carlito totally agree!!!

TiffTaff

April 14th, 2010
11:04 am

‘we are spoiled and selfish and want it all in 5 seconds or less! sigh!’

@Lady J, you forgot to add materialistic. See many of my friends want the wedding more so than the actual marriage or the kids as trophy pieces more so than to parent (but that’s a whole other topic).

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:05 am

I enjoyed my being single and dating. I love being in a relationship now. It’s more fun, not that I felt I was not having fun single. But it is just better now. :) I am going to be moody as heck once she goes back home after being here for a week and a half.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:07 am

lurker I agree the whole process is just wrong and o try to marry with that baggage is a reciepe for holy hell!

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
11:08 am

TiffTaff yeah you called me out i had my wonderland wedding and that is all I was caught up in…..I am telling you me theme is be tru to thy own self and it took all of that for me to look in the mirror and to stop running from me!

great post!

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
11:09 am

Watch the company that you keep or do not keep, they influence you. If you always watch Divorce Court, Cheaters, Jerry Springer etc and wonder why your relationship are the same. Change the channel. LOL