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Marriage is totally worth it!

My Mother came into town Sunday to attend a nursing conference in the city.  I was basically her driver/hotel concierge/hostess for the last two days and I am exhausted! I enjoyed having her around but my poor Father was clearly miserable without his wife.

Dad constantly called to hear her voice, remind her to take her medication, and any other random excuse he thought up to dial her number.  It’s endearing and sweet to see their romance continue all these years!  When I saw them light up when they reunited  (after 48 whole hours!), I got all choked up and misty. It was like a sappy The Notebook moment right there in the parking lot.

I thought, “You know? I kind of want that!”  No,  seriously! I’ve been ambivalent about marriage and commitment in the past, but watching my parents yesterday made me think that marriage is totally worth it.  I would love to have a man still stand the sight of me, let alone love me, after over 40 years of marriage!

Do you think marriage and commitment is worth all the challenges that are sure to come?

How do you think your parent’s relationship shaped your perception about love, commitment, and relationships?

What was your first memory of love and affection in your home?

367 comments Add your comment

Sunknee

April 14th, 2010
8:19 am

Thats sweet. I am one chick that has no desire or even see the benefit of being married other than for financial security and then I still dont know if I would want to do it. I would need my own room for sure. I even called a relationship once because the guy started talking marriage. He was/is a great guy & deserved better. My current has mention it before also, I hope he’s not serious :(

TiffTaff

April 14th, 2010
8:30 am

My parents got divorced when I was really young so there were no examples of a “real” couple working through a relationship in my home. For a while I was jaded on the whole marriage thing. However, more recently I have seen both of my parents struggle with loneliness and it makes me realize that I really do want a life long partner.

I want someone who is in it for the long haul. Someone who is willing to go through all of the ups and down and not give up so easily. To have a marriage that will stand the test of time takes a lot of work and let’s be honest people are just lazy. Heck my parents got lazy when it came to their marriage. I think it’s easy to get into a long-term relationship and forget that you have to work to keep it new, fresh and exciting. Who wants to be in a dull boring marriage, no one! But, is marriage worth it? HECK YEAH!!!!!

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
8:34 am

GM All!
LOL @ Sunknee. been there gurl! currently perched on the edge, looking into the abyss that is “til death do us part” but not quite ready to jump. yeah, the sweet stories are heart warming, but we all know there’s the other side, and that’s the side you have to be prepared to get through to make a marriage work. if you’ve lived many happy single years, it can be difficult to trade that in for constant companionship or even financial security. i do believe that when you meet the right person at the right time, the transition should feel more like a natural partnering than a lifetime contract with no out clause. :)

Professor

April 14th, 2010
8:49 am

Hola!

Hmmm I am a mix of Sunknee and Tiff Taff I want the freedom of being single and the security of marriage. Maybe I should just shack! j/k that would not work either.

Hey czBrat I thought about you this weekend as I played and chilled out in the park. I love the message you posted on Friday!

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
8:54 am

In a word…Yep. Can’t think of anything better.

It takes something besides love though (if you have a pulse you can fall in love). It takes mutual respect and admiration…they have to genuinely like each other. I wish I had that. Give me one woman I genuinely like over a dozen for just recreation any day (is Tiger listening?) ;-)

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
8:54 am

Great story, I would be lying if I said marriage has not crossed my mind. Maybe.

Love the fact that we are going to discuss the positive side of relationships today :)

Professor

April 14th, 2010
8:56 am

@Randyt I thought you liked the lady at the drive thru?? j/k

@Carlito, I bet you pop the question to Julia within a year. :grin:

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
8:57 am

Congrats to your parents Diva!!!!!! There are good solid marriages out there and they validate that true unconditional love is real. Just thinking about both sides of my families even to the grandparents even though the years are there it wasn’t that adorable love type of relationship….It was though the long haul of whatever as divorce isn’t a major on either sides. However one of my more successful uncle is in the process of a divorce and his shame is killing him….For some reason it is all about perception with that side but we all know with each of them that everything that glitter ain’t gold….

Sure one day I would love to remarry and have someone adore me as much as I adore them and grow old together as married compainions…..I often think in my mid life I will remarry and the jumping through hoops phase for bot parties will be over one would hope…it is a thought but I am very well preparing myself that I may not ever remarry and that is ok too….I was the 1st to divorce in my family on both sides now my uncle who is 46….I felt like a burden of that taboo feeling was lifted not applauding divorce but being the 1st all the time ain’t cute! HA! LOL

My parents did the best they could under all circumstances….I don’t regret what they tried to do…..it was a rouh 25 years to show us a mom and dad in the home….I just didn’t want to continue the cycle of misery for marriage sake….Not just running at the blink of a problem but when it is not working and we weren’t trying to fix it together it was easier to do the next best thing and be awesome co-parents for the sake of our daughter….

marriage is tough and to stick it out 40 years through it all you deserve to smile and miss your mate…..40years is a long time and I applaud all successful marriages that go through the fire for the fruits on the other side…..

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:01 am

I am not sure if this is an AA culture thing but my parents are still legally married but very much so apart….I couldn’t do it…..I also told my ex I wsn’t going to be responsible for burying him if he dies…..my father stays with his current girlfriend and he dies what a messy situation as he invest his money in her home it will still fall back on my mom to be responsible for his burial or release his body to my grandma….just damn messy but it goes on all the time

I have since done a living will to be honest….

lurker

April 14th, 2010
9:02 am

I frankly don’t believe we as people in this day and time have it us to endure and stay with one love, no matter what comes or go, one love for life. I no longer REALLY believe it but I too saw it. My mom and dad was married for 54 years and 7 months until death caused the separation. What’s instilled today lack values and the resilience to stay and keep at it leaving us far removed from a time when the willingness to maintain a marriage, come hell or high waters was present. All too often we see folks making a mad dash for the door at the first sign of hills and valleys and hurdles and obstacles.

obelle

April 14th, 2010
9:07 am

I love being married-I was happy single but I have never felt as much joy in my heart as I do when I come home to my husband who smiles everytime he sees me. My parents have been happily married for over 30 years so I was able to grow up with the example of a great marriage. Being single is fun, but that gets old eventually. I am glad to have someone who is at my side-even when he gets on my nerves! I highly recommend marriage when you find the right one.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:07 am

what am I thinking I am grown now I guess as the oldest I would bury my dad it would come to me…..smh….ok enough about that…but the things that goes on in a broken marriage amazes me and what the childeren endure really affects all phases of life….

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:08 am

lurker I hate to agree but you may have some points…..

obelle I do feel there is a joy with being truly satisfied and happily married to your true love!!!! Congrats! :)

czBrat

April 14th, 2010
9:12 am

Hola Profesora

I thought about you this weekend as I played and chilled out in the park. I love the message you posted on Friday! that’s awesome! i got out and had a blast too. so much so that i was exhausted when monday morning rolled around.

k. off to play in traffic.

kinderbabe--30 days and counting! woohoo!

April 14th, 2010
9:14 am

i think that marriage is totally worth it when after all the years a relationship like your parents’ (Wise Diva) still stands. being together just to say we’re together is for the birds. my parents have that type of marriage after 37 years. they have become even less happy since “the nest” has become more empty. i’ve been goine for many years and my little sister is on her way out. poor thing, they are doing everything they can to keep her there…lol. they don’t want to lose a distraction from a marriage that has long been over.

if i get married, i want to feel relieved when my kids are gone so that i can start a new phase of my relationship w/my husband. good love makes it worth it.

lurker

April 14th, 2010
9:15 am

Lady J, you know I had to be a cynic before folks even have their coffee but……

lurker

April 14th, 2010
9:16 am

that should have read “I hate to be a cynic” not “I had….”

lurker

April 14th, 2010
9:17 am

I definitely think true love is worth all of it, the ups, downs, ins, outs, good, bad, but does it exist?

Jeff

April 14th, 2010
9:19 am

WD, if you want a relationship like that, you have to be the other half of that relationship. And it seems most women nowadays aren’t willing to do that because they see it as demeaning and subservient.

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:19 am

Good Morning All

Ohh Wisey..that is so sweet! Yeah I have thought about the eternal dream of Happily ever after. Someone to love me for life..(shout out to Jodeci) but then I get that fear of commitment and start to itch. I told my friend just the other day that I could see myself marrying after my son is grown and gone..or maybe dating exclusively after I get a bit older..so I could have a guy I would take trips with, share a dinner with and help me get thru menopause…LMAO!

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:22 am

i know lurker!!!!! LOL

last I checked it takes 2 to make a thing go right!!!!!!!!!

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
9:23 am

@ Prof

I suppose one would never have trust issues with the gal in the drive thru…but that is the only plus I can see there. She needs to take a picture of herself and look until she finds someone who compliments her teeth by having the other 16 or so. I don’t think I would start at the orthodontists office though…unless maybe ambushing a guy as he goes in.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:25 am

kb i truly understand we talked about this last night in class as we discussed counseling adults….this and retirement can send many young-old adults to there grave early…..happiness and sanity has a fine line and what I have learned in my brief years is you have to remain true to thy own self and I saw a mother you lost her soul to her failed marriage…..she is now claiming it back but it is a struggle when 25years of your life has been upside down and you throw menopause in the mix….it almost becomes a crisis….but she will survive!

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:29 am

@RandyT..I am going to need everyone to get up off Tiger. First off he is not the first man to have affairs..he was a little sloppy admittingly..but he is not the first. Also, I have yet to see any outrage from the male population over the affair of John Edwards..this joker has gotten a pass from the media and the mainstream and he had a baby with his mistress asked his friend to claim the baby, and then lied to all of America and his dying wife. No outrage there..but Tiger gets his freak on with some a collection of skanks and all of a sudden he can’t catch a break.

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:31 am

Now why did the blog eat my post about Tiger..I didn’t curse or anything.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:33 am

kym is elin really asking for a divorce??? rhetorical I know but is she???

Carlito

April 14th, 2010
9:35 am

Professor, maybe.

Professor

April 14th, 2010
9:38 am

@Randy…LOL

@Lurker/Lady J Hmmmm I discussed this same topic with some friends. Sometimes I wonder if the folks back then just swept stuff under the rug and dealt with there pain in silence. Many Women stayed because they could not leave (1) the husband was the breadwinner and (2) there was a taboo associated with a woman leaving her husband. I have a relative that divorced her husband after 30 years…he would fight her, had all kinds of girlfriends and everything else you could imagine. Yet some folks said that she should not have divorced him, because she had been with him all of those years.

I guess you can say I don’t think the marriages back then was all that great in comparison to marriages today… folks just stayed because that was the norm.

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:38 am

Lady J. I don’t know if she is or not. I saw pics of her at a tennis match(she is really not that cute) and she didn’t have on her ring. I am kind of putting Elin in that group with Kobe’s wife, but anything is possible. All I know is folks need to get off Tiger.

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:42 am

@Prof I agree with you. All families have skeletons..about how grandpa had kids on the other side of town. Uncle Ray cheated on Aunt Selma..folks just kept quiet and faked it until someone died..taking their secret drama and shame with them. I think I remember T.O. talking about how he almost dated his sister. Nothing new under the sun.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:43 am

professor they did and still do…..sure the years are in but I can spend all day with what folk put up with and remain happily married…..but I want as I will remain postive….cheating and being disrespectful goes way back and all generations are different with how they handle their business….

Professor

April 14th, 2010
9:45 am

I am not sure if this is an AA culture thing but my parents are still legally married but very much so apart…

Lady J I have seen this in other cultures as well. In fact, I remember the funeral home releasing the body to the wife…they had been separated for years, but still legally married. The wife paid to have the body released to her (her husband died out of state). So the body was released to her and she had him cremated and his live in girlfriend, kids by the girlfriend did not have a chance to say goodbye. They were swiss.

I know of another case AA where the girlfriend and separated wife had it out, but the family stepped in. The mother, sister and minister put a lid on all that mess before the wife could get started. However the wife and all her friends wore club outfits to the funeral and sat on the front row. They would not move, and the wife had her own programs printed as well…I guess you wouldn’t call them programs it was just a typed sheet of paper saying she was the wife.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:46 am

kym I heard this morning she wants a divorce…..go figure….and I am proud of kobe and vanessa for sticking it out no matter the price……on the flip side where was she going but Kobe grew up to me personally….and I don’t give a damn about that snitch shit I am talking bout personally he came into his own and stands on his own….

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:49 am

professor hot mess you know for a second I am not entertaining that foolishness for a sec….we all know our roles and she his girlfriend is more than welcome to attend the services but my mom won’t be disrespected and I will be in charge with a humble heart best believe that

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
9:51 am

I see my way of thinking has crept into the masses.. A Guy and A Girl date eternally.. She has her place and he has his.. They love each other they just dont live together.. They ARE Committed to one another, they can just go home on those days when they feel it necessary. They have wills so greedy family wont try to swoop in in the event something happens to one of them.. Yep I have thought this thru.. Throughly.. This keeps the love always fresh cause they both know they can bounce whenever they feel like it, but realize its much better to be together.. Because they choose to, not because of some piece of paper that says you have to do right or else..

Kym

April 14th, 2010
9:55 am

@Prof..I am cracking up..about the funeral..because when my son’s father died..the programs listed my son, his sister, and her mother(she was married to him at the time of death) but the way the program listed the kids, it was as if both kids came from the same mom. I was like surely these folks not trying to make this joker looked unstanding in death? My family had fits..I could careless..my only concern was helping my kid cope with the death of his father..all that other stuff foolishness.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
9:55 am

LAdy J – Yeah my cousin and I were the first two dudes to divorce in my family.. None of the girls have.. Hey we are all types of heathens but it was OK for me I was always the black sheep of the family.. He on the other hand was a deacon at the family church in which they shunned him.. Ha ha I think its funny to be shunned in the 21st century, but anyway.. I too saw a marriage that lasted for the sake of the kids.. I wasnt gonna do that either.. My parents dont even like each other most days and its actually kinda sad.. My Dad recently told me not to rush and get remarried, enjoy life and all it has to offer..

lurker

April 14th, 2010
9:56 am

Professor – I agree to some degree but I don’t think ALL people that had long marriages stayed because it was the norm. Some cases maybe but certainly not all. My mom and dad had their ups and downs but they loved each other. More importantly the really liked being in one another’s company and had no problem passing their years together. My dad was there for all of us and even to the grandkids, he did the same. My newphew forever had colic. My dad did all the rocking and sanging to sleep and administering the medicine. There was always that time they had together minus the kids, intimate but not sexual. I’m more than certain he wasn’t an angel but the values instilled in him is what he carried over into the marriage. My dad truly truly loved his kids and my mom. I believe the Lord took him first because he knew of the two which could take it better.

Melo

April 14th, 2010
9:57 am

Morning folks!!

I too luv marriage and the added joy and pain of raising our kids tgether! I couldnt imagine being divorced and my kids living with another man in my ex’s house or just being alone withoiut me to guide them thru life’s hoops while being close by. That would be an abomination for me. So yeah, I am gonna stick to it,come hell come thunder!

Ofcourse,having someone at ur beck and call,24/7 can be a pain in the butt smetimes cause moods change and there are times you need ur own complete solitude. Thats why having trusted friends is key because that way,u can spend time alone without ur other half,just enjoying urselves.
I look frward to the days when the kids will be gone and we are empty nesters. Then we can buy viagra and cialis in ample quantities,store in anywhere in the house without resorting to hiding it and relieve our youth,just wilding out! :lol: :lol:

Howdee gents and u lovely Ms sophisticates??!!

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:58 am

DK we are >>>>>here<<<<<<!!!!!!

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
9:58 am

@ DK I truly understand your belief system…but (there had to be a “but” right). I think the piece of paper for some, not all, is a “reminder” that you can’t just always run away, that sometimes you need to stand and work for it. I read somewhere the rate of divorce for people who lived together is actually higher than for those who did not cohabitate. When people have a legal commitment, or a very major personal commitment, they sometimews try harder to make it work.

Example…Indian marriages I have seen that were arranged by their parents. Most of them genuinely fall heavily in love with their spouse and MAKE it work… because divorce is not really an option.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
9:59 am

melo great post!

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:01 am

lurker that makes all the difference they wanted to be there and the love was still there!!!!

Marriage does rock and there are great ones out there!!!!!

i am a believer!

sexycool

April 14th, 2010
10:04 am

Three Words Daily – Chin up, kid.

THE INFAMOUS DK AKA MR. MY SINUSES ARE..

April 14th, 2010
10:04 am

Umm that was thoroughly…

sexycool

April 14th, 2010
10:06 am

Randyt – sponsor that drive thru chick for some dental treatment.

And I just cannot to *this* topic today.

Love to all of you.

sexycool

April 14th, 2010
10:06 am

Randyt – sponsor that drive thru chick for some dental treatment.

And I just cannot do *this* topic today.

Love to all of you.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:07 am

randy that is the truth I will NEVER shack again lesson learned only shacked with one married him and it was over when it started……beyond the bible shacking is just wrong in my humble opinion and it is my daily prayer my daughter won’t feel the need to shack…..

Randyt (the gal in the drive thru STILL has maybe 14 teeth))

April 14th, 2010
10:07 am

The problem with making marriages actually work is that it takes BOTH being on the same page…and that is the hard part. Both have to be committed. Both have to be willing to give more than their share. Both have to like and respect each other…even when they are kinda POed at the other. It takes work, and truthfully most people are too dayum selfish to do that…that the other should do all the giving.

Last comment…my ex wife’s definition of “giving” was to put up with me (her words). She actually thoguh that was all she had to do. NOT.

Lady J-there is hope & enjoying the ride!

April 14th, 2010
10:08 am

lol sexycool!